21. Is it Ever Too Much?

Is it a Gay Wedding or just a Wedding? This is an episode to let you know I will be switching to a biweekly posting schedule just for the summer busy season! And also talking about finding the balance between acknowledging the queer aspects of a wedding/ couple with out making it too much or "othering" couples.

The intro and all instrumentals were written, sung and recorded by @JaynaDavisMusic

Transcript

0:41

Beloved, welcome back to this week's episode. I am so glad that you are here and God, point out a few things. First of all, if you noticed that there was not an episode last week, terribly sorry, um, I am moving to a biweekly episode posting schedule for the fact of wedding season. Is in full swing and this is my busiest time of year, and so I kind of gotta juggle both and wanna make sure that I am showing up here and also giving my clients the best possible day ever. So, I'm still here. I will still be posting. I'm just moving to a biweekly schedule and hope to still have you all joining me here every other week because I've got some super cool interviews coming up and have some super cool ideas and information to keep sharing with you all summer long. So, Hope you'll all stick around and I'll just, uh, miss you all a little extra every other week. And on a similar note, I'm sure you can all notice that, uh, the sound is a little bit different. So I am coming to you live from the outdoors, just, uh, sneaking this in to give you all that update. So yeah, let's just jump on in and, we will get back into our regular scheduled interviews and podcasts, in two weeks. Also, if you are listening live, then you know that it is Pride Month. Happy pride, y'all. I am. Always very excited for this time of the year. It's such a fun time to, to celebrate and to have fun and yeah, be a little extra. And this year I'm a little extra excited because I get to be a part of the Twin Cities Pride Festival and I am so pumped to get to connect with the community more. So if you're in the Twin Cities, please come say hi to me. it's just gonna be the best, it is pride month, and so there's this idea that a friend of mine brought to my attention that I kind of wanted to talk about and relate back to Pride a little bit. And so I was talking to a good friend of mine a couple weeks ago, and if you're listening then I appreciate you so much. Thank you for bringing this up. But we were talking and she was talking about how wedding planning is going for her and her partner thus far. And yes, they are in a queer relationship. And so she was kind of talking about how like her mom has. Been really super great and sweet about the whole process, but was telling us this story about how. You know, those like super cheesy t-shirts that usually, like the bridal party will wear that says like Brad Trab or something like that. she was basically saying that her mom had seen something on a TV commercial or something that was a similar kind of shirt, but it was basically saying like, And not so many words. Like I'm in the bridal party of a gay wedding essentially. And my friend was like, mom, that's great. Like thank you for thinking of us, but also it's okay. Like not everything has to be a gay wedding. Like it's just a wedding. And I thought that was so interesting because yeah, I think. For me, obviously it is like the focus of my business. I'm an L G B T Q wedding photographer. Like that is the focus of my business and so I'm always gonna get hyped when there's a queer wedding happening and. I think beyond that too, for those of you who have listened to pieces of my personal story, I think I get so hyped about it because one, it's something that I was grown up to hate, you know, hate that kind of love and hate these kind of stories and, and two, it's something that I thought I would never get to have, and so, Seeing them, I'm like, heck yeah, it's a gay wedding. Like amazing. Can't wait. And at the same time, I know that sometimes it can, at the same time, I know that there's a fine line to walk. Um, I think it's all about finding balance, whether you're a vendor, a part of the industry, or maybe you're just a part of the industry simply by being a guest. I think it's something that you have to kind of figure out what that looks like for you in your life, because it's true. Like I definitely do understand that sentiment of. It doesn't always have to be a quote unquote gay wedding. Like at the end of the day, it is just a wedding. It's two people in love who are committing to each other, and that is beautiful. And that doesn't have to be the focus, but at the same time, that's kind of the whole reason for this podcast, right? Is that. Gay weddings, by definition are different, and sometimes those differences are things that have to be like actually acknowledged, you know, because people have to acknowledge that their family might not be there or that. They have to do things a little bit differently and sometimes those differences are amazing things that can be celebrated and should be, you know, brought up because there's some, a part of someone's identity that they really want to love and celebrate. So it's kind of a both and, and something that I just think everybody has to find that balance for themselves of. for example, if you were going to be a guest at a gay wedding, How? How are you thinking about that? How are you sharing about it and speaking on it? Are you trying to tell everyone you know that you're going to a quote unquote gay wedding just because you think it makes you cool or hip or what have you, or are you doing it? You know, using them interchangeably and doing it in a way that, you know, is just trying to show that you're supportive or is maybe done in a way that tries to help the couple not be misgendered or something like that. Versus doing it to make yourself look cool or, doing it in a way that makes the couple feel othered. And so I don't necessarily think that there is one right answer here of like 50% of the time you should say it's a gay wedding and 50% of the time you shouldn't. Although, you know it is all about balance. So that's partially true. But if you are in the industry or a vendor, and particularly if you are an ally, just be thinking about how to really be showing up thoughtfully and in a way that is not just, I guess, performative. Okay. This gave that rainbows for the month of June, and then. No other time, which, you know, at Target, and I think that's even an interesting example in and of itself, of, I think during the month of June, we are all super aware of the fact that there's rainbows everywhere all of the time. Everything's gay suddenly, even if those companies don't necessarily support us year round. And so I think that's kind of an interesting example for the same concept is we want to make sure that we're not just. Doing this work and showing up this way just for the month of June and then the rest of the year is kind of whatever. And at the same time, you have to find that balance of, no, I wanna show up and I want to use inclusive language, and I want to call the fact that this is, different kind of wedding, but. Not in a way that's, othering the couple, just that they wanna be celebrated differently and maybe they have to be celebrated differently. And so again, I know that there was a lot of back and forth there and I. Do not mean to be confusing, but as I said, I don't think that there is one straightforward answer of how you should show up and how you should find that balance of, yes, this is just a wedding and I'm just here to love and support versus, no, this is like a queer wedding with a lot of folks from the queer. Community and I have to, show up a little differently in that, my language might be different or, Yeah, what have you. So there's no one right answer. I just want everyone to show up thoughtfully, whether you are a guest or a vendor or a part of the wedding day itself. I just encourage you to think about finding that balance and what that looks like for you. So hopefully that was not too confusing and made a little bit of sense. And on that note, happy pride, everybody super excited to be celebrating with you. Not only all month long, but all year long, celebrating ourselves and our identity and our community and those who love and support us. That is all I have for you today. So I hope you all are gearing up to have an amazing day, an amazing pride, and I will see you all in two weeks from now.