Knightfalls Vale
Nerds and pop culture references galore. Three friends discuss whatever topic we or, hopefully at one point, the fans deem worthy of us 😆
Knightfalls Vale
Nosferatu's Holiday Haunt: Vampire Cheer, Mustache Chronicles, and Festive Film Frivolities 🎅🧛♂️
email us at knighfallsvale@gmail.com
What if Nosferatu could become your next favorite Christmas movie? Join us as we embark on a wild ride through the eerie and atmospheric world of Robert Eggers' latest masterpiece, dissecting Nosferatu's holiday potential, thanks to Willem Dafoe's unexpected endorsement. Not to mention the mustache that stirred more controversy than a bad holiday sweater. From classic vampire tales to the modern charm of Twilight, we leave no stone unturned, exploring cultural and religious symbolism, standout performances, and the art of capturing the perfect atmospheric shot.
As horror enthusiasts, we can't resist diving into the creepy and bizarre, like haunted dolls and cursed snowmen. Our lively debate on recent horror films, such as "Cuckoo" and "Long Legs," keeps the adrenaline pumping as we tackle the intricate process of compiling our top movie list for the year. While pondering the future of Superman under James Gunn's direction, we can't help but question the casting choices, from Nathan Fillion's Guy Gardner to Nicholas Hoult's potential as Lex Luthor. The conversation spirals into a hilarious analysis of horror movie mustaches and our cheeky comparison to Henry Cavill.
With the holiday season upon us, we embrace the nostalgia and chaos of festive films like "Jingle All the Way" and "Home Alone." We laugh over the antics of Sinbad and Schwarzenegger's toy-chasing frenzy, and share personal anecdotes about holiday classics that warm our hearts. Our banter extends to pop culture references, with nods to "Doctor Who" and "Gremlins," sparking laughter and surprise. Grab a cup of cocoa and join us as we wrap up the year with festive cheer, heartfelt holiday wishes, and a dash of vampire mischief.
Welcome to the Nightfallsville podcast Nosferatu edition. That's definitely less German and more Transylvanian. I apologize, that sounded bad. I did my best. I wouldn't have Transylvanian if it bit me in the chest and sucked all my blood. That sounds more Van Helsing than Nosferatu. Yes, vampire, and that's his favorite out of the story anyway. Vampire Okay, enough of fucking me with accents. Vampire, and that's his favorite out of the story anyway. Vampire Okay, enough of fucking me with accents.
Speaker 1:Jesus Christ, we see Nosferatu, our holiday Christmas movie. If Willem Dafoe says it's a Christmas movie, it's a Christmas movie. It's not our fault that the only Christmas movie that came out this year came out released in November. There was a tree, though. There was a decorated tree. That was definitely a Yule tree, decorated tree. It's basically all. It reminds me of the tree or the entire route to Yule.
Speaker 1:The gray setting of Witcher Season 1 is bad. The picture is like where's Geralt when I need him? Oh, I thought you were going to talk about the love story. Sounds like it's better than Twilight. It shined a lot with shots and atmosphere, but Robert Eggers is great at that. If you've seen all his movies, he definitely captured the old movie, yes and that, and they tried to. I liked a lot of his shots that he made look black and white. He missed no attention to detail. Well, he's good at that. He's very good at his period. Everything he does is pretty much a period piece. He's very good at it.
Speaker 1:The only thing that confused me is Nosferatu's mustache. That was a little. That was a little. No, I did not Tell me it didn't bother you, it bothered me a little bit. I'm like no, why'd you give him a mustache? Spoilers, too late. Yeah, because nobody, unless you go see the movie, knows what the fuck Nosferatu looks like. Honestly, I thought he belonged in the Alien movie. Oh, that end shot, definitely. Yeah, that was Spoilers. No, svartu dies in the most mean ways. Having sex Is that sex or is it just consuming blood? No, that was feeding, that was feeding. That was feeding, that was feeding. Yeah, that's borderline for vampires, though. No, because according to, depending on the mythos, they have kids. So there is a line.
Speaker 1:Did you even tell what the hell Van was Like? Is she supposedly a witch or something? What the hell was her bloodline? Was that? She's so connected to the occult? Well, it's small. She called out to forces at the beginning. I think that's what they were going with. Her bloodline was more animalistic. That was the explanation we were given. Yeah, yeah, more feral From Willem Dafoe. So she's more in it's basically being more in tune with the cult. How fucking connected to the occult are you what? You're the most feral one of us. I mean I guess I was laughing more at the they didn't say it, but I was laughing more when they started calling them people gypsies.
Speaker 1:I'm like those are Serbs, that's the derogatory term for Serbs. You wanted them to be Serbs in Transylvania. Actually, doesn't Transylvania border with like all three of them? It's in the area. That's Slavic, it's in the area, that's all the same.
Speaker 1:If you notice a lot of their crosses, had you know how crosses are usually just line nothing Crosses. Had you know how crosses are usually just a line nothing. They're cross cross. They had the three bumps on the end. Those are Orthodox crosses. Catholics don't use that, because them three bumps on the end signify Father, son, holy Spirit. Eh, they came out.
Speaker 1:Well, this was very tied in religion. So classic vampire. So I was actually kind of glad to get a classic vampire story. No more Twilight stuff, as much as I love movies like Abigail and 30 Days of Night, the really action-packed vampire movies. I like a step back to something really classic in a way too. That was more so a classic vampire tale. Rest in peace. To those children, though, oh my God, I peace to those children though. Oh my god, I wasn't expecting that. Actually, I knew the mother was going to die. But the children? What did the kids do, boy? Just Fuck them up, lost them aside.
Speaker 1:And Craven was definitely Craven in that movie. Oh, he was Craven, turned into a necrophiliac. Aaron Taylor Johnson as much as Aaron Taylor Johnson kind of seemed a little off in that movie to me, he was a little Sure because he wasn't more focused on his other movie With all the damn reshoots Less reshoots to that movie than Captain America. What Less reshoots of that movie than Captain what Less reshoots. But Johnny Depp's daughter, lily Rose Depp, was actually really good. She acted out them fucking convulsions and fucking that fucking tongue of hers. Yeah, I'm like Me, I'm like, hey, you were jealous when she put her head up right next to his crotch, I swear to God, you were like, nope, he could please me better than you. Hey, wait a minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah, dean would find a different way to compete with Vampire. Well, he already sized him up. You know damn well he did when they had that whole fucking show of him where he's standing on top of the coffin. He was watching for it because he heard about the prosthetic that Nicholas Holt owns. Now, because Bill Skarsgård said it to him. That thing doesn't look any bigger than my middle finger.
Speaker 1:You want to talk about it transforming yourself into a role? If you didn't know he was in it, you wouldn't know that was Bill Skarsgård. You wouldn't know, you wouldn't know, except for his head. Once we finally got to see it, yeah, the entire first scene where he says come in, sit down, and all you're getting is the fur coat and the hat. Come meet. Was he wearing a hat? He was. When he first introduced himself, because there was a lot of background stuff, it was hard to tell, but he definitely had something on his head. It was stating the same as Nicholas Holt.
Speaker 1:When it came to the fucking statue moving by the fireplace, yeah, I was like what the fuck? The face moved. I was like what the fuck? The face moved. I was like what the fuck. But you know, will Skarsgård transformed into a vampire. That voice he did was pretty good though the plague. The plague, I mean, he's European, fuck you. Well. No, I just made a bad joke in my head. You know the plane, the plane, but instead of that it's the flag Bill.
Speaker 1:The funny thing about Skatskart is, if you listen to him in just a casual interview, he doesn't really have one. I think he is. What about him? He's younger than I think he is Because he's been around a long time 36. 35. Shit, at least 25. Well, it's funny.
Speaker 1:Nicholas Holt, I know from X-Men East, that's the main one. It's one of the early ones, one I can't remember his name, that's what I call him, and the funny thing is he did actually not do that bad. It's just people compared him to Kelsey Grammer in SCaskars, scaskars 34. Actually, he didn't do that bad in this movie at all. Who SCaskars? No, nathalos Holt, no, the main cast of the three of Holt and Lily Rose, devin Sgård, he did well.
Speaker 1:He played Renfield. Yeah, yeah, this really wasn't that far off. Oh, do you feel like you got three movies in one? Three modern movies in this one? Yes, with less humor. You got the Demeter. With less humor, you got all the other movies. Renfield was a fun movie. Renfield was more comedy.
Speaker 1:There was another one packed into this, wasn't there. There wasn't Van Helsing. I don't know that one I mean. But depending on your iteration of Van Helsing, sure they changed his name and everything. The original Nosferatu is based on Dracula. They just changed names. It's Dracula, they changed names. If you go on the wiki, it says who they are, like Count Orlok, based on Count Dracula, it says it on the wiki. I forgot his name. But Willem Dafoe's character based on Abraham Van Helsing. It says it right on the, it says it on there. So they're all based on. Sorry, my brain connected dots.
Speaker 1:I didn't like you know, do you remember the Hotel Transylvania movies? Oh, don't. Even Abraham Van Helsing actually shows up. God, as fun and for kids as they are sometimes. When they make these animated movies that are based on horror characters, I'm like, oh God, it can't be any worse than the movies we actually get now.
Speaker 1:What, as far as horror, how many original ones have you seen lately? Horror has been actually on a. It has been on a. It has been on a decent tick, with some very, very out there movies lately, like that one that we've seen, cuckoo. Cuckoo was good, but that was out there. That was out there. Good, no, long Legs is what I think of when I think of. You forgot Long Legs already. I did not forget it.
Speaker 1:That's actually probably going to make my top 10 for movies of the year. I still need to sit down and watch that movie with my mom. She won't watch that, oh God, I don't think she would. She wouldn't like it. Like, oh, 20. Still got 20. 20? Are we doing top 20 or you just got 20 to 10? No, I made my list of top 20. I said I would just draw a line if Nosferatu made it. Well, are we gonna? No, I'm not doing it today, but I have my list up. You have 20. I thought it was 10, or are we gonna do 20? I said I can do 20. It's up to you guys.
Speaker 1:Jay made the comment about like all the movies, basically all the movies he watched this year, and that was the joke. Oh, and I said I could. And I said I watch 50 movies a year. It's like I could. I don't keep track Of how many movies I fucking watch. Well, I see a new one Every week. I could, I just gotta. I'd have to really Dig deep and think about them. But I could. I think I'd do 20 Pretty fucking easily. I just gotta go. I do not have a list For that one, nope. That one, nope. I gotta do the film. We weren't doing it today. I just made it because I was writing and working on stuff. The only criteria is it has to be a movie that came out last year. It can't be a movie you just watched. It has to be that came out last year.
Speaker 1:I loopholed one, you loopholed one. Yeah, I mean, the technique came out in December of 2022 or 2023, but I didn't see it until 2024. I loopholed one. I saw it in January or February. I loopholed one. It lasted that long You're like, I loopholed one Lasted longer than El Cerrato.
Speaker 1:You have no kidding, I was bored. I'm sorry, guys. Well, he kind of got to the second crow of the cock. I was wondering if that was coming there. Hey, I shoehorned. Well, he kind of got to the second crow of the cock. I was wondering if that was coming there. Hey, I shoehorned you to a show all the time. I'm not being bored. Well, like I said, I'm surprised I liked it. Or is that just because of my big fan of occultness? You and me? I'm the least horror guy here. I'm the least horror guy here, most One of the least horror guy here.
Speaker 1:We were joking at the movie the entire time the shadow pulled over. We laughed each time. I expected it, but it wasn't really scary, though they tried to get you with a couple cheap-ass jump scares, I'm like. When she's with the lamp that way, I'm like stop, I know what you're doing. I've seen enough of these.
Speaker 1:The one of those guys she got me a couple times when they just flashed Nosferatu's face on, I'm like shoot. A couple of those were like Was it his face or just the fact he showed up His face? It was the mustache. Ah, what's that? That was Somebody get Cavill so fucking atrocious. Is that why you were making that joke about Henry Cavill? Give him his mustache back. That's just the side tangent. The mustache was Superman didn't want that anymore, so they threw it on Nosferatu. So now you get discount super mean.
Speaker 1:I sent him a picture of Cavill and him side by side and he gave me the vomit emoji. That's horrible. I mean, look Cavill in the new Superman. Yeah, sorry, no, I'll barely judge when the movie comes out, but that was so not fair. That comparison like really Just what is that that's an entirely discount. Yep, pretty bad. Why? You know what makes me more mad though? James Gunn's comment. Well, I didn't want our Superman to look like he's wearing a wet t-shirt. James, I love you, but shut up. Nothing compares to camel Holy. I know they're actually going to disagree with you here. I think. Don't you disrespect my king? I'm not disrespecting him.
Speaker 1:That was great, but what I'm going to say is this one looks more like he's straight out fucking comics. This one looks more like Christopher. He looks yeah, okay, you know that new logo they got where it shows him breaking from the iron. That is the Superman he represents. That is why he doesn't look super buff, but he still looks. He can thrash. The only one that I can't buy is still Guy Gardner. It still looks bad.
Speaker 1:As much as I love Nathan Fillion, he looks bad. You know what sucks for me? I would love to see Guy Gardner's arc where he actually becomes more of a hero instead of just a dickwad, but we're not going to get that with Fillion playing. No, you're getting condescending asshole. We're just going to get condescending asshole where he's there to get punched. Maybe a couple one-liners oh, we better get one-liners. I mean Fillion's good for it. It's Fillion, it depends on how big his role is. We got him as a catchable armed kid in Suicide Squad and he died early.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, I mean, what's got you Nothing? I was thinking about Superman. Because you're on Superman, I think Nicholas Holt has a chance to be a decent Lex instead of. Well, anything could beat Eisenberg Anything. You can shave my head fucking bald and parade me out there and I'd be better than him. No, we have five live action. Shaving your head bald, you'd still keep the beard. You know who you'd look like.
Speaker 1:What Think of the third iteration of Lex? Oh God, where's the first one, the Lex Luthor that had the beard but still was bald. The lowest one it might have been. No, no, no, not from the CW show. That is pretty close. That's what I'm picturing, except for if he were actually to play Lex, he'd want a full body shot. I'm surprised he wasn't a fangirling. Oh, not the CW one, not the Two and a Half Men one. That was the CW one too. Then we got the most recent one. There's a Lex with a beard. He actually does kind of look like him. We had the Arrowverse version, which was the Two and a Half Men.
Speaker 1:Dad, this is for Brandon Roos. For Brandon Routh, that was Kevin Spacey. Kevin Spacey, he had a fake beard. A fake beard Because he tore it off after the Widow died. No, I think I literally am thinking Look up Kevin Spacey, lex, and you'll see he did not have a beard in any of that, although that wasn't fake. I think he was wearing a toupee for that too, to convince the little lady to give him the money. Yeah, I'm not seeing a beard. I think the only one with a beard are the CW ones. Yeah, matt's right, I didn't see a beard on Spacey. Even Gene Hackman didn't have a beard, yeah, and he was the first one.
Speaker 1:You got several in-person likes as now. See, I mean I knew he diverged. Like I said, even I didn't expect as much as I really really liked it. I didn't expect to yap about Miss Rafi that much. It's a great vampire story that's beautifully shot. That's shot very well.
Speaker 1:It was definitely an Eggers movie, yes, but if you're not as into, like, I have to say you know where we lost our shit first. What? Plus the Virgin, oh Lord, where she's naked and riding the horse and they kill the first vampire Riding the horse. But to Matt's kind of point. If you're not, that it's not an action movie. So if you're not steeped in that traditional vampire lore and shit, you might not have as good a time with it. As someone who's really into that shit, I wouldn't watch most of my thrillers as the action. I need a little bit of action or something to keep me entertained.
Speaker 1:It's like I'm listening to this movie in two different languages, because either it's full German and reading subtitle or accent. Yeah, sometimes, when I spoke, I'm like what'd you say that way to half the movie? I didn't have that. It was the doctor or William Defoe talking at some points, checking my pulse to see if my blood was reacting to the movie. You said it was in German. Oh my gosh, I had a trip with the guy playing the doctor and Defoe. What I was listening to him the entire time, I was like dude. All I'm picturing is Snape. What I was listening to him the entire time, I was like dude. All I'm picturing is Snape, his voice.
Speaker 1:Well, the one meme was true, though, because all the people saying Dafoe had too much fun in the room with the rats Bah, bah, he's on fire. Yeah, burn it to hell, burn it all Burn it. And then Horror Trope 1. Burn it, burn the shit, or Dowsing Holy Water. Mickey 17 changed its release date, did it now? Yep, what's the new release date and what is Mickey 17 again?
Speaker 1:Mickey 17 was the Robert Pattinson clone movie. Robert Pattinson who starred with Willem Dafoe oh, who starred with Willem Dafoe in a? Mickey is now March and Sinners is now April. That's not. Sinners is in April. Yeah, willem Dafoe and Pattinson shared the screen in another Eggers movie called the Lighthouse. I'm sorry, don't talk about the God damn April. I can make a tangent too. The Lighthouse I break him every time I say that. The lighthouse.
Speaker 1:I still remember watching that shit in the basement. What the fuck is this? That was me and Jay. If you look at me and Jay people listen you'd think we're dumb as fuck. I'm not gonna lie, but we're actually pretty smart and we're watching this movie like what kind of hyper idealistic shit is this as fuck? I'm not going to lie, but we're actually pretty smart and we're watching this movie like what kind of hyper, hyper idealistic shit is this that me and Jay don't even know what the fuck's going on?
Speaker 1:We followed that by the Witches. Yeah, no, witch. We watched the Witch first. Oh, we watched the Witch first and then watched that and we're like what's worse? We're like we understood Witch. We Then watch that. Which was worse, we understood which.
Speaker 1:After about an hour in the lighthouse I look at Jay and I'm like do you have any idea what the fuck's going on? Nope, all I seen was Willem Dafoe fucking squid. All we could picture was okay, this is just a film about schizophrenia or some shit. And then you got Willem Dafoe fucking a squid and we're like where are we going? And this is all because I fucking killed a seagull. Hey, hey, hey, down under what? Where are you going? Down under Under the sea? I just died of steam. I've never been.
Speaker 1:There's been movies this year that have that have not. I don't want to fuck me up, it's too strong of a word, but it just made me like what the fuck Is Willem Dafoe in? Uh, like Best Friends or something? Yeah, he's been in three out of the four movies he's done. He was in Lighthouse, northman and now Nosferatu, so he's been probably likes Willem Dafoe.
Speaker 1:Willem Dafoe take a lot of roles. Willem Dafoe loves taking different roles. I mean, how many Charlie Hunnam has been in several Richie, guy, richie, yeah, Guy Richie movies. Guy Richie has his own people. Tarantino works with almost the same people. Every fucking movie. Okay, fuck it. Every fucking movie, dean, it's time we start a movie company. We got our people.
Speaker 1:You can't afford any of the equipment. I don't need it, even with your pay rates. I'll go full on style. I'll go Bring it back to Blair Witch. We can start with some Blair Witch movies. I can stand in a corner. No, fuck. No, I'm not being the cameraman, I'm gonna lose. Why? You think I'm just gonna be naked. I might be You're gonna pull some scary movies. You shouldn't'm just going to be naked. Of course I might be. You're going to pull some scary movies. You shouldn't ask me how it looks Tucked or untucked, oh God. But back to Lighthouse was a few years ago, so I'm surprised I talked about it.
Speaker 1:I was on a mini tandem of movies that just made me what the fuck? Saltburn, one of them. What Colt Byrne one of them? What the fuck? He did that to us Unintentionally. Once he brought it up, we were gonna fucking.
Speaker 1:It's not my fault that you fall into every single one of my traps. I watched Barry Keegan. Fuck dirt. You're a fucking dungeon master. You know how to put us in a trap. Some are easier than others. I watched Barry Keegan fuck dirt.
Speaker 1:Had Jay seen it coming? He's gonna fuck that dirt. And he did. I seen it before he even took his shirt off. He's gonna fuck that dirt. That pepper's about to ruin Christmas. Oh fuck. What kind of way do you wrap a green pepper to make it look like Grinch? My God, oh, my god, that's right. The bath water in Saltburg, bro, fuck. That man earned his red wings. That might have been worse. Ugh, fuck. I didn't know that term until recently. And then the twist at the end. I'm like bro was just dancing around his house naked in victory and shit.
Speaker 1:That was such a you scene. It also introduced you to him as Joker. That was about it, though. What's the oh, Infinity Pool? We watched that shit. That shit had like whoa, get back to his thing.
Speaker 1:You remember the orgy? Oh man, why do you have to do that to me? Every goddamn weird ass movie we watch, what bring them back to your mind? No, because it'll be just this simple scene where people are having sex. All of a sudden, they'll zoom in on the gay guys just banging each other. It'll do this close-up to the balls, guys just banging each other. It'll do this close-up to the balls. I like how you looped it around onto the other Skarsgård. Oh, he did, didn't he? That's a Skarsgård. I didn't do it on purpose. Yes, no, he didn't get in on the GOG. He was still screwing a woman in that scene. No, you don, that's Northman. He didn't get in on the gay OG. He was still screwing a woman in that scene.
Speaker 1:Well, no, you don't remember the scene. It was hyperdelic. They were on drugs and shit, so you didn't. It was kind of everything was obscured and it's just them two going at it. They were off and on high of killing people and it didn't reset. It was completely straight for a second and all the other dudes come in and I'm like me and Jake, he just started pointing and laughing at me. I was like I fucking knew this was coming. I did not. I did not. I did not know that was going to happen. I was shocked. I'm like whoa, oh, that was some shit, man, you were just sitting there comparing sizes. What's worse? That? Or, men, men, men was pretty traumatizing Men, men, men was pretty traumatizing Men, men, men. So men are worse, got it? Okay, you know those belts? They have that simulate birth. Oh no, this was worse than that, matt.
Speaker 1:Us describing that scene can't do it justice. You ever see those weird cartoons where it's claymation and the clay just unfolds into something else. I thought we were saving claymation for later. Definitely will Fall in stop motion. It's always those weird things where it unfolds on itself, so the butterfly effect Worse. How is everything always worse when we're just Every weird fucking thing we've seen in Nosferatu times 20. Think about Nosferatu times 20. Think about Nosferatu, though. That was just what the fuck Nosferatu was just.
Speaker 1:There was just a lot of sexual aggression in there for like no reason. Hey, man, I mean there was a reason, but I'm like, damn, I think I need one of those. That's true, I think I need one of those. You're doing the 1800s, yo. I think I need one of them old-style beds, because mine's broken. Well, there's jokes there, but I'll leave. Hey, hey, hey, she was by herself. She was doing those pelvic thrusts from fucking hell, literally, and it survived. So sign Lily Rose Depp to be in the next Exorcism movie. Hey, not for it. It's not the Exorcist, though, because those are going to hell, because all they're doing is cash grabbing that fucking series. That's all they're fucking doing. They fucking suck God.
Speaker 1:We're talking about all this horror and it's supposed to be Christmas. Merry Christmas everyone. We didn't tell them what our top ten list was. No, we didn't Top ten Christmas movies. We're supposed to tie it in the gold's the most wonderful stuff.
Speaker 1:Would you imagine if it played that during the plague? In fact, can you imagine? No, we got Ring Around the Rosie instead. Dude, you bet I fucking forget that song. It's tied to the play. When you imagine ring around the rosy pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, we all fall down. What's the rest of that? Did you, is that it? That's it, did you not? God damn, we died, did you not? Oh, my god, they had Cursed Misses during the Bubonic Plague. Imagine them Cursed Misses. What the fuck? Yeah, daddy, I got you a present. It's a rat. It's another rat. Put it in the pile. Oh, I'm sorry, put it in the pile. Oh, I'm sorry, put it in the pile while you're doing the fucking Skazgard notes for Althuhad. Put it in the pile.
Speaker 1:I had to check his hand twice in the beginning of the movie because I thought I seen only three fingers Hold on a second, and then it showed me the line. I was like, okay, there's four, he's walking around like I thought he was walking around like this. No wonder Lily Rose walked around like this. You can't please me like he does. I got this dude. I'm done, man, I wouldn't expect that came out of nowhere.
Speaker 1:That scene, god, nicholas Holmes, leave him alone. Shit, his body's like a serpent you jumped at. Shit His body's like a serpent, you jumped at that one. That was funny as a bitch. I'm like that little innuendo, I suck at it. That fucking tongue function that she did, though, that demon-esque tongue that she did. Whoa, sorry, I'll behave, just so.
Speaker 1:You know, if I learned dark magic and could summon demon women, you'd probably never see me again. They'd probably drag me to hell and they'd be like Don't fucking open your puzzle. I'm so glad he never figured out his puzzle box. Oh shit, they're taking me, yeah, they're taking me, yeah. And he left the instructions here. Ah, yes, you threw them out, right, I don't know where they are, shit. No, I couldn't do that.
Speaker 1:I'd open the box and you know how house would be normal? Just, my room would be full of chains and me chained up and fucking. So, in other words, nothing would change. Nothing really would change. Pinhead and a bunch of demons would fit in there and his plushies would be gone. My poor dad would open the fucking door. No, not Anya. My poor dad would open the door door. No, not Anya. My poor dad would open the door like, of course, anya would watch him getting pleasures. My poor dad would open the door. I mean, they've seen works. Yeah, don't forget. My poor dad's got to open the door and be like oh, I'll get to it, oh, he'll open the door. There are two hands that's my son two hands in a smaller room. Check that one off. It's good.
Speaker 1:It actually becomes quite sad because all your plushies are wide-eyed, yes, so they just stare. They stare into your soul. I've actually become quite sad because all your plushies are wide-eyed. Yes, they stare into your soul. What's creepier? That or the creepy doll?
Speaker 1:I don't think I could be drunk in his room. You shouldn't be drunk. I just made a movie the first time. Why do I think? I think the snowman is cursed, I like, I like that thing just fucking stares at you.
Speaker 1:I like more when you're down there in the basement, you're looking into the, into the fucking romp room, as you call it. Just stare, like what are you looking at? There's shit in there, man. Like yes, there is. There's some shadows in there, there's shadow people in there. Yeah, shit, I still got. I don't give a damn. You fucked me up that one day because you just there's a fucking dude peeking around the corner. What do you mean? What the hell is your? Is your grandpa down there? Maybe he's pissed that your fucking parents got rid of all the trains, yep, oh, oh trains, yep, yep.
Speaker 1:Another one down the tubes. She's celebrating a big win. I can't even them fuckers. No, jay thinks my house is haunted Shit. We can gobble and prove that. Oh fuck, I'm so glad I told you I think he's one of the pops that is stored, so he can't. His dark magic won't work anymore. I think he's one of the pops that is stored, so his dark magic won't work anymore. Just because he's tied to the dark magic does not mean it won't travel to a different pop. Oh, great, it's like Chucky. Great.
Speaker 1:It's going to possess my Anya. It's going to possess no, no, no. What the hell is Cupheadmasters? Or the toys, come alive, or the toys, I'm alive. I wouldn't be worried about Anya. I'd still only want peanuts, peanut, you should be more worried about every other doll, yeah, but if it's evil, he does have a pair of peanuts. Only if it's a pair of nuts, it is in a bag. She'd want to see what's in it All my statues coming alive. That's not even.
Speaker 1:You just wrote a horror movie by yourself, by the way. You just wrote a horror movie by yourself, by the way. Next thing you know I wake up, it's going to be called the Nutcracker. Next thing you know I wake up, my body pillows are actually my body pillows are alive. They're trying to strangle me and shit. You're like oh, that's not even for you. I just wrote the next Christmas horror movie. It's the Nutcracker.
Speaker 1:Oh, why? So my theory, or what would actually happen, is a hooker dies on Christmas Eve, right? Oh, my god, he's got a plot already. I do have a plot and I don't know why Her soul doesn't travel to hell or heaven. She doesn't even go to the great beyond or whatever the hell you want to call it.
Speaker 1:Alright, she gets stuck on a nutcracker in a toy store, but she's pissed at the guy who did it because she was about to suck on his balls. Holy fuck, that's some bullshit. I just fucked it on the fly what the fuck. But her head gets chopped off, oh my god. So he just tosses her aside in the alley. Does her head get chopped off? The nutcracker? Somebody's air conditioner falls out the window Final destination. So she's giving him a. She's giving him a blowjob in the alleyway or something. She's a hooker. You want to be in the car. It's not always fucking. And the way he gets his money back is he slams her door or head in the door, or what. Well, in GTA you kill the hooker after you get your money back plus double. That's how it works in GTA logic. So he could just get his money back. Yeah, I'm sure that's a great source of information for GTA logic.
Speaker 1:Gta teaches how to live. Except we don't have real life cheat codes, so that's the only thing that sucks. No, I can't just spawn a new car. I have to actually buy one Spawn, and if the cops are on me, I can't. Just, I wish you would have enjoyed the auto-fixer car feature too for your old one. Fuck yeah, I'd still have that thing. It'd be like yeah, do you know how dependable that Buick was? Oh, free paint jobs was fun too. Yeah, where is it? Oh yeah, you get your car painted and your wand goes away. God, good times.
Speaker 1:Speaking of, where is the old car now? Is it gone and destroyed? Probably not. I don't know. I never asked what he did with it. I didn't even really sell it. I was like here, here's the car, you can have it. He was like you know, I can't really take this, I'll give you a hundred bucks.
Speaker 1:He's outside the window one day and his old car is going to be just staring at him. That's a different movie and it's going to be Christine, oh, fuck you. And he'll be like ah, it's going to go, ha ha, like fucking better from future drama. You left me, jay. I was good to you, and now you traded me in for this piece of shit. Oh God, he'd be like oh fuck, haunted car. Why is that so fitting? Because I got a Malibu. It's like I went from Wisconsin to Florida. You left me. I don't care, I went from blue to red. You went from blue to red. That's a political joke. Yeah, it is. I left that one open. I trope didn't. Oh boy, he went. They can't see that. They know what it is. Yeah, they do. Even the Philippines.
Speaker 1:Alright, now I'm curious what Matt's little bullet points were. He said he had some. I thought you had extras. No, that's for next week. No, I said I had side tangents. I didn't say I had, oh, side tangents. We've done a lot of side tangents. Well, I knew he were going to have some. I mean, we almost wrote a horror movie. Oh, we technically did Christmas-themed horror movie. I'm just curious about it. I could get a B-rated budget for that. I'm going to call the guy who wrote Airfire. Well, I think you do a great job. So what are? Have you called the Nutcracker?
Speaker 1:Batman Part 2 was just postponed to 2027. I'm like no, no, no, why you do this Whatever. So my hype for that is just slowly dying. Is that a gun thing or a Reeves thing? I don't know what the issue is.
Speaker 1:The Batman came out when guys? The Batman 19? No, wait a minute. Post-covid 2022. The Batman 19? No, post-covid 2022.
Speaker 1:And the next one's not coming out until 2027. So like five years, a five-year gap. Usually the gap is two, maybe three. To be fair, we are very spoiled when it comes to movies. We're so used to things just coming out. I'm thinking of it.
Speaker 1:This is actually a very good time gap for a movie to be done If it actually is good. That's the problem. That's the problem, jay, is that this movie actually did well on a decent time period. Yep and so, but I don't know. But now you're gonna have everybody forgetting what happened in the first one. I'm fine with that. I'm not, because they don't have any other projects for Reeves Universe to come out. You got Penguin, but that was all you got out of it. Hey, they touched on the aftermath of the fucking earthquake. I was good, I was fine with that because I was like all right, how are we going to touch on this, considering they technically stole from the storyline my little tangent just because Matt inspired me with that? I swear to God, matt probably knows where I'm going. You're not kidding Joker. No, I'm not talking about Joker, it's not. It's actually kind of a switch. He'll probably know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1:Kameek Moore is on the verge of fucking up beyond the Spider-Verse. Bro, I am sick of this man. I thought I heard they already recast him. No, this man is just. The movie was already done. This man is thirsting over all of these stuff. Stop, fuck up my movie. Yes, you need to see interviews with him and Haley Steinfeld. It's cringe, bro, calm down, jesus.
Speaker 1:Yes, well, he's got that thing. He thinks just because he's a Spider-Man. He's got that thing. He thinks, just because he's a Spider-Man, he should be with his co-star, because every Spider-Man's been with their co-star. So he's thinking Do you want me to say anything? He's not Spider-Man, he's Miles. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, miles is not Spider-Man as much as he wants to be. I don't hate Miles anymore. I don't hate him. I don't hate him. I'm just still in the fact that he is not Spider-Man.
Speaker 1:Well, here is Spider-Man. Why are you just taking my talking points? That used to be my biggest talking point. I'm at peace with it now. It's no longer because of Gwen, I'm just you. You got me there. What? What On that band? It's like.
Speaker 1:I cannot agree with it. It's just Peter is Spider-Man, to be fair, he, he should not be picking a fight with Josh Allen. Yeah, shemek is Spider-Man. Allen, or who's the other one, I don't know. Or is he not in the spotlight? I don't know who the other one is, but Shemek is 5'7, he's JJ. Josh Allen is 6, an inch taller than JJ. Maybe Josh Allen is like 6'5, 6'5, 360, 260. This guy runs over NFL players every Sunday.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm like Shamik, stop, you know, normally I just get a chuckle out of it, but it's just so beyond cringe at this point. It's like bro, so much so he released an apology video. Well, it's like bro, so much so he released an apology video. Well, it's not enough, man. Well, the movie is, I want, beyond the spider-verse so bad. I'm like I'm wondering what's that third fucking movie? And we'll be fine, calm the hell down. I don't know what exactly you want.
Speaker 1:The voice actor for um, at the end of across the spider-versese, for Evil Miles Prowler Miles said he hasn't recorded no lines yet. So I'm like, oh boy, wait, is there a different voice actor? Yes, that's a different voice actor. Apparently that voice is Evil Miles Prowler Miles. Interesting. So I'm curious about that one.
Speaker 1:I thought that was scheduled to come out this year. Never did Watch him push it back to 2027. Great, great, technically, 2026 first, watch me be right. Anyway, the speculation is 2026 or 2025 is becoming less and less likely, but the speculation is 2026. Yeah, problem is that it's going to come out the same time as the other, spider-man and it's going to taint it. Sony would be like like what's up? Oh, speaking of all the fucking you want to talk about rumors. Spider-man 4 rumors holy fuck, what the hell you got churning there. What Spider-Man 4 rumors? They're saying it's going to have heavy ties to symbiotes and shit that they might use Null. I'm like yep, there goes Null.
Speaker 1:I heard Feige already vetoed a script, I thought For 4? They're shooting. One of the scripts has already been vetoed by Marvel as an association. How could you be shooting a movie and not have a script? Ask Disney Good, you be shooting a movie and not have a script? Ask Disney Good, you got me there.
Speaker 1:I don't know if they started yet, but that's the one thing Gunn has actually done for DC. It's like no movie is getting greenlit until there's a script or he's sitting in a desk. No, but yeah, I don't even know if they started shooting Spider-Man 4. I think they did or they're going to soon. They usually don't start setting things in the winter, it's usually spring, so I don't think it's started filming yet, unless they have winter things that they need to shoot. The last movie did end in winter, yeah, but we don't know where it's going to pick up.
Speaker 1:He's going to be in college at this point. Maybe we'll find out in the Spider-Man high school. No, that's freshman year, so it's set four years before In a potentially different universe that hasn't been completely confirmed. We'll begin production mid-25. 2025. I usually wait until spring or summer, so you won't get it until 2026.
Speaker 1:I mean, I'm just wondering what they're doing because they got a competent director again, even though Marvel kind of gave Shang-Chi the back door. Now, because they gave the entire mobile universe the back door, well, we'll get, because they took the guy. He's the guy who's directing Spider-Man 4 as Shang-Chi's director, and people have been wanting Shang-Chi 2 forever. Well, he ain't getting it now. He's busy. He's on Spider-Man now.
Speaker 1:Do you know how many different projects Timmy Liu's on? Because we don't have that. Well, there's also a possibility he could just he's on this different show called the Dragon or whatever. That's just like Shark Tank. No, he's getting the underwater movie. You saw the trailer for it. Oh, yeah, yeah, last breath. Yeah, fuck, that One of your like deepest fears.
Speaker 1:These were in pitch black water with a bunch of shit. I just want to understand what they were doing. I don't quite understand why they were diving. I think they were repairing an oil rig or something. It's like there was like nothing above water. Yeah, it was the boat. It was the boat above the water. It said it was based on a true story. So, who knows, the boat captain's starting a typecast for water rolls.
Speaker 1:Captain, because he's literally driving boats In like the Meg and the 2, he's going to get typecast. We need a boat driver. I know a guy. He's got the grey beard and everything he has to do a boat ride. We need a boat driver. I know a guy. He's got the gray beard and everything. He'd be a good captain. He'll do the accent. He'll do the peg leg walk. Oh God, how are we on time? Forty-five, we're 45 in. Yeah, so we got a little over 45 left.
Speaker 1:Are there any quick topics? The only other talk point is I don't know if you saw I'm assuming you didn't see. You see way more than I do. This I just saw today. I don't let the internet spoil me. I might have seen it, unless it's porn.
Speaker 1:And or season 2 comes out this year. Oh boy, and what? Andor, season 2. I actually liked Andor. None of it.
Speaker 1:Disney doesn't know how to spend their money and today's slash, yesterday's confirmation of how much this show costs for two seasons was established. How much do you think this show costs to make for two seasons? I think it's ten episodes a season. Two billion, no, wow, five, six hundred million. Oh, six hundred forty-600 million. $645 million, damn, for two episodes of a TV show. Disney's like spend the money. You spent that on two seasons. Guess how much that actually cost for one season? $300. $300. Guess how much Obi-Wan cost for its season? 300, again, 90. A million. Oh boy, you spent $945 million on Acolyte and Andor and you spent $90 million on Obi-Wan. Except for the Inquisitor, obi-wan was worth it.
Speaker 1:I disagree. Matt contends me on this one a lot because I actually liked Obi-Wan. I understand his gripes but I still enjoyed Obi-Wan. I understand his gripes. We go back and forth on Obi-Wan a little bit. I totally understand his gripes. It was the start of what's his name? Redemptor, and any time Ever since that show came out, anytime Hayden Christensen is on screen, anytime Hayden Christensen is on screen, my bias just kicks the fuck in.
Speaker 1:The same thing with Ahsoka oh shit, hayden Christensen. So it just happens. I didn't hate Ahsoka either. I don't think it was great, but I didn't hate it. Still doesn't explain how you can spend a third of the budget on what. Did you spend Ahsoka? I didn't read that list. Definitely over $200 million. I guarantee you. Probably If you spent $90 on Obi-Wan yeah, yeah, that was, they don't know how to spend it, but that shit's ridiculous. Spend the money. Spend the money. It's saying just over $100 million. So you spent less money on shows with established characters than you did on shows with characters you just designed.
Speaker 1:When you think back on Acolyte, you guys told me not to watch the show. So which one? You have very thoroughly killed that show. For me, the show killed itself technically and all that butter knife and that was supposed to get three seasons and a movie and a movie. Are you kidding me? This was supposed to rival Mandalorian and Mandalorian ain't been that good. It's going to sooner get a two off of its. Then there's no.
Speaker 1:How do you get Nosferatu 2? He's dead, nosferatu. Turn off Nosferatu. Oh, you can, because the first line you can have Will and the Folk. Somehow Nosferatu came back there it is. Disney did it, and look what happened to Disney.
Speaker 1:But oh my god, that joke killed me. I'm like she wasn't a virgin after all. She survived, she wasn't. She took virginity in the first part of the movie and then the setup is there for someone to say did you burn Nosferatu's corpse? No, I did not. That's why You're at the end of the movie, stroking the cat.
Speaker 1:Nosferatu was stroking the cat. I can't say nothing to that Because I had to ask. I'm pretty sure he wasn't. I see some motion. I thought he was, yeah, pretty sure he wasn't. I see some bullshit. I thought he was, yeah, because he was feasting. He was, but I thought he was going to go down lower for the lower snack. I'm like, oh wait a minute.
Speaker 1:Now he stopped at the chest. Well, during a certain time in a month it does. Oh god, we will check us. Oh God, we will check. We are three men. We cannot say shit like that. That would just happen. That would just happen.
Speaker 1:We cannot understand the flowings of blood down there. We cannot care to understand the flowings of blood down there. No, no. And if not, we're to understand Men, can, we, can, we can blood, but you gotta go get it, you gotta go to doctor. Then that's bad.
Speaker 1:This is not the first episode they watch. That's a story for another time. Yeah, I'm in trouble If they even listen this far. Oh my, this sounds like Matt's got woman sport. Oh my, this sounds like mascot woman troubles. Oh no, how do we lead this into Christmas? Somebody help us. We were doing alright when I said the Nutcracker horror thing.
Speaker 1:What Terrifier 3 is a Christmas movie and that's kind of no. It's not on my list, even though it should be. I was trying to be serious. Even though it should be. Why would I have thought that if it was number one, terrifier 3. The damn shower scene. Oh no, it wasn't even the shower scene that fucked me up more in that movie. It was fucking. We're killing them fuckers up in the attic and she takes the knife and starts fucking like playing with herself. I'm like matt's sitting there like that. Yes, that happened. Glass and started masturbating with it. That's happened. That happened, it happened. And this is the chick from the first movie. And jay can't unsee oh no, can't unsee a lot of shit. Thanks to you.
Speaker 1:I'm the one that suggests all these fucked up movies. Yeah, I am. Yeah, you're cuckoo. I see what he did there. Hold on, nobody can hear this, but I'm checking my ears. Cool, it's kind of sad. I do hear a ringing right now. Are you sure you're not Cuckoo? Well, if Cuckoo, that means the mother is trying to find us and lay eggs in us and shit and all that. The one Cuckoo he is is from Cocoa Pops. Ah, that movie was fucked up. No, because most of them had a fucking female. Oh yeah, true, true, no, most of them had a fucking female. Oh yeah, true, that still fucked all. You made a fucking horror movie off of the cuckoo bird. What the fuck? Laying your egg in another nest and shit how they made a movie out of that. They made a horror movie out of that. That's still funny.
Speaker 1:Christmas, come back to Christmas. Do I have to become a Christmas? What? Come back to Christmas. Do I have to become a who who-ation, who-ville? A who down in Whoville, a who down in Whoville, who-ville? You know how they start singing the Christmas song just to bring us back. I'd rather go see Jim Carrey. That was sung in that movie. Where are you Christmas? Apparently, the laser light show with Jim Carrey dancing with Jim Carrey was all Jim Carrey's idea. I knew it. That was such a Jim Carrey thing. What if I danced with myself in the lights? I wouldn't doubt it was Jim Carrey's idea. Alright, hey, you know, gerald, let me play him too. What I can't. Well, this was your idea. I can't remember where you started this off.
Speaker 1:Next time we dive into our top 10 Christmas movies, even though this has not been a very Christmassy podcast at all. Happy Holidays. We painted it red for sure. Oh, it got red, alright, but Matt's got a point though the one Christmas movie you released in November. So what do you want us to do? That red one's on my honorable mentions? It's fun.
Speaker 1:He has yet to watch that. I will watch it before the week ends out, because I did not know I was clicking on prime. Oh, it's on prime, I can watch it. I told your mom that he's Krampus and she left. She understood. She understood why she didn't see the movie. She was just talking about it. She didn't watch it. She wasn't with me. I think she just accepted you calling him Krampus.
Speaker 1:Sweet fault, alright, I have to kick this off. Yes, you might as well, alright, number 10. Matt's gonna laugh his fucking ass off. He's gonna be like oh, this fucker is his fucking bias. I don't give a damn. I got a lot of enjoyment out of him. My number 10 is called Fred Claws. Mine's higher, higher on mine. Are you dead serious? Get the fuck out of here. It's Vince Vaughn, santa's brother. It made higher on mine. It made higher on mine. I am shocked. It's a little higher on mine. Oh, it's my number nine. Oh, that is higher than you. That is a shocker. It got eight for me.
Speaker 1:I liked the movie. I had a good time with it. I'm shocked. Matt's like it's on. Get the fuck out of here. I enjoyed his and his brother's relationship. Who's Santa now? Paul Giamatti, future Rhino oh no, not Rhino.
Speaker 1:It was funny and I like the exploring of Santa's brother. It's funny, funny movie. And I liked the exploring of Santa's brother. It's a funny movie. I liked it. If you want to be a Christmas, you've got to have a good message too. It's about family and forgiving and all that bullshit, so you've got to have a good message to be a Christmas. I liked it.
Speaker 1:Let's see if you can get my movie off of some very obscure references. Anakin Skywalker what Jingle all the way With Schwarzenegger? Yeah, that's my number nine. What's wrong with me? Is it my number nine? Yes, it is, yes, it is. That's not my number nine, it's my number five.
Speaker 1:The Avengers Turtledan you shouldn't have made a fucking list. No, you shouldn't have. We're going to have a lot of this. We're going to have a lot of this. We're going to have a lot. I think we are. This is going to be bad. Oh my God. Ernest saves Christmas. Yeah, I see. No, john can definitely reboot this. The love story started that joke of him playing Ernest, so I'm just keeping it alive. Saw a meme on the internet keeping it alive. This movie has to be Ernest Goes Wrestling. It has to be the first one. Holy shit, this is gonna be. The only thing I can't see John doing is the voice. John C LeBleu.
Speaker 1:Jingle All the Way is just. It's a childhood Christmas movie for me. I watch that a lot. What the hell? You label off your nine and you label off your nine already, right? Yeah, so you're on your nine and we know you're right.
Speaker 1:Klaus, story about fucking Mailman who gets. That's the Netflix movie, isn't it? Yes, that's the reason I haven't seen it. I didn't like that as much. It was alright, though it was alright.
Speaker 1:Mailman discovers Santa Claus. Yeah, santa Claus. That's the main reason why I don't have it on there is because I haven't seen it. It's a really good one. I've heard it's good. A worker swears by it too. I highly recommend it.
Speaker 1:So your eight is Fred Claus. Your eight is Fred Claus. Number eight, fred Claus. Like I said, there's going to be duplicates. There's going to be duplicates. My number eight, fred Claus. Like I said, there's going to be duplicates, there's going to be duplicates. My number eight, the Polar Express.
Speaker 1:Not on mine, really, nope, okay, the animation scares me a little bit. Still, I won't lie, I can't. They don't blink, they don't blink. It's kind of weird. You have to actually watch that movie thoroughly to understand they don't blink. It's a of weird. You have to actually watch that movie thoroughly to understand they don't blink. It's a big Christmas message. It's a big Christmas message. My dad watches it and I don't need to watch a movie to see Tom Hanks' face.
Speaker 1:The Oovian in me does not like that. The Oovian in me does not like that Because you know the bell. What is the old saying? Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. Bell rings, an angel gets its wings. They don't fucking blink you just Whenever you who, whovian, whovian, yes, whenever you say that I get it's a wonderful life. Well, every time a bell rings, that's where I know. That's saying, bro, okay, that's why I'm like that's, it's a wonderful life. There is a monster, a bad guy in Doctor who who's like this statue angel who does like this. You know the Now you See Me type shit when if you're staring at it it doesn't move, but as soon as you look away it follows you, it gets closer. I know who you're talking about. I get two.
Speaker 1:My next two are a lot more obscure. Office Christmas Party. I know that one. I just made the list. How number are we on? We already have your eight. I think eight was Fred Claus. Yeah, that's Jason Bateman, right, we're on his seven. We already have your eight. Well, I think eight was Fred Claus. Yeah, that's Jason Bateman, right. Yeah, yeah, funny movie, I like that movie. Yeah, we're on his seven. We're on his seven. Okay, because we already knew your eight. Yeah, that fucking sucked dude. You can't even say my five. Eventually, I know one of your top ones and I think I'm going to get to it before you do. My number one I think about it probably may not surprise people. My number one shouldn't surprise people either. We're on year 70. My seven yeah, I might get flack for this. I might Nightmare Before Christmas.
Speaker 1:I cut it off. Is it a Christmas or is it a Halloween movie? What? What is this? Is it a Christmas or is it a Halloween movie? What, what is this? That song actually fits way too perfectly now that I think about it. It's right into that. Yeah, I think what is this? I love Jack Skellington. I just you know it actually works that we have so many matching ones, considering how much time we have. Yeah, so that was. That was his seven Nightmare Before Christmas. Yeah, everybody fucking loves that movie, especially Hot Topic. Oh, that'll never leave Hot Topic Seven Spirited, which is the Will Ferrell and Ryan Reynolds Christmas movie that came out within the last couple years.
Speaker 1:I didn't watch it. I love it. It's just a rendition of Scrooge. I probably would have loved it, considering they have so many song variations in that that they continued it on TikTok. It's just a more musical version of Scrooge, that's all it is. So on to me then they continued it on TikTok Just a more musical version of Scrooge, that's all it is.
Speaker 1:So how do you mean that? What do we have? Six? Anyone remember Jack Frost? That's an honorable mention. A lot of people hate that fucking movie when his soul possesses a fucking. That's Michael Keaton. Michael Keaton, yeah, that's an honorable mention. It literally is.
Speaker 1:I like that movie. It's in my honorable mentions. It literally is. I like that movie. It's one of my. It's my second honorable mentions. It kind of sucks. At the end of the movie he melts himself. We gotta go.
Speaker 1:You can't stay on the earth for everyone. You dead shit, unless you're an evil ghost and shit. No, I, oh God, just say his name three times. We are Christmas and Halloween. Two plus six. I mean the horror, jack Ross, what's your point? Yeah, there is. There's also one that you want to bang a snowman. It happened in that movie. Six. Well, each of the matches settled.
Speaker 1:My number six is also a Will Ferrell Christmas movie. I don't have it. I don't watch Elf. You don't like Elf. You can put some maple syrup on noodles. I have to say it. Elf has become a Christmas classic. It showed so much oh, I had to stop myself there. I almost pulled a Good Morning Vietnam but saying Santa, santa, I was so close. Do you like Elf, or is it overplayed? You're like God. I didn't get into Will Ferrell that much. That makes sense. I also love Will Ferrell.
Speaker 1:I like a lot of Will Ferrell movies and Will Ferrell also one of his more tame movies, also Christmas movie. Of course it's more tame, but that's it. I uh. I think Will Ferrell movies are probably Daddy's Home. I like when he's leaving and fucking they see the claymation Norwalk. When I was looking up Christmas movies, daddy's home actually comes into it. Yeah, when I see Mel Gibson coming down the house I'm like shit. And daddy, it's Mel Gibson, don't fuck with Mel Gibson. I ain't gotta talk about health much. Health is health. So I won't be surprised if my number six tears your heart out, because I'm pretty sure it's probably on both of yours. It's how the Grinch Stole Christmas Jim Carrey Edition. I wouldn't be surprised. That's a pure childhood movie. That's a pure childhood movie. Later, stop it, man.
Speaker 1:We were just talking about this earlier. I said I know this is ripping it out, but I got a lot of movies I like up front of it. I'll watch it anytime. It's just I literally was just watching it last weekend.
Speaker 1:I swear to God, he did that fucking role because he had to get dressed up. He wanted to do another, but he said he'll do another Because he needs the money. I need the money. I'd do it. Oh, six, yep, scrooged. Oh, bill Murray, alright, he's got two holiday movies that I actually like Scrooged and Groundhog Day, hmm, yeah, not on my Anchor. On Hog Day, hmm, yeah, yeah, not on my I. For some reason I can watch his Scrooged more than I could like old Christmas carols and stuff like that, even Jim Carrey's version of it. But that might be just because it's too computer-gener generated for me, I don't know, too computer generated. Yeah, jim Carrey's Christmas Girl. Oh yeah, around five, yep, oh, my number five is going to be like face palms, but understanding. My number five is Friday, after Next Ice Cube and Chris.
Speaker 1:Ice Cube working at the mall. Working at the mall, that shit kills me. I could never see you as a security guard. Well, I don't want to see him as a security guard. Chris Epps, mike Epps is in that. Chris Tucker has never been in one since the first one. No, he didn't want me. Ice Cube, he's trying to get him in one since the first one. No, he didn't want me. He's cute. He's trying to get on the back. Yeah, no, it opens up one of my favorite lines ever.
Speaker 1:When Mike Epps is sleeping and he's dreaming Santa, all I want for Christmas is a bag of chips to give to all the fat bitches. I swear, since Dean's seen that movie, he lives his life by it. A bag of. What about our Christmas party, craig? We had a bunch of bitches coming over here once. That's you gonna suck my dick from the back and I never had that. It's a lie from the movies. Suck my dick from the.
Speaker 1:This is a Christmas movie, people, and I love it. It's a hood Christmas. Hey, bad Santa's in my honorable mentions Okay enough, I actually I don't think I went dark at all. The darkest I went is probably Scrooge the Christmas Carol. Okay, yep, my number five is my oldest one on the list.
Speaker 1:White Christmas Alright, I gotta say this. I'm not actually picturing, huh, white Christmas. It's not coming to mind for some reason. I don't know why that is. It's in my house every Christmas morning. No, I get the other one. That's fucking Bing Crosby.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was waiting for some oldies because I'm like it's in my honorable mention. It's not just out of pure respect, it's in it, but does nobody have it's a Wonderful Life on their list? No, no, honorable, it's an honorable. I won't dispute someone when people tell me it's the greatest. They don't say it anymore. Yes, they do. My dad watches that Christmas season TBS. Yes, it's always on. It's always on. Is that? Or a Christmas story, or a Christmas carol, like fuck, now I know. Yeah, alright, oh shit, I know what's. Oh, getting to my heavy hitters now. Oh shit, mine was mentioned.
Speaker 1:Fred Claus, fred Claus, right, no, jingle All the Way. Jingle All the Way. Yeah, that's right. Man Sinbad made that movie. Him as a villain was interesting as hell.
Speaker 1:Being a mailman that's me and Lo trying to get the same toy. I imagine Lo is a mailman. Are you going to dress up as Turbo man for your kid? Yeah, I'll dress up as Turbo man. I am Turbo man, arnold Schwarzenegger Plus the Terminator. Terminator done. Jingle all the way. That's how you have it. Is that how it went? I thought he did Kindergarten Cop first, or Kindergarten Cop was in there too. Because of Jingle All the Way.
Speaker 1:I get to make a jerk call, or I get to be a jerk at work all the time. It's like number one customer. Get to do that so often at work. I like when he goes to the fucking. When he goes to fucking, basically, teemu, to get the, it's some assembly required and it's all the fucking sand. He's feeding up all the sand. Oh shit, are we on my four? Yeah, we're on your four.
Speaker 1:I think you guys will understand my tie here. You'll understand, because I couldn't pick. It's sacrilegious. It's Kevin McAllister. Home Alone won it. Boo, what, boo? What do you mean? Boo, boo, what do you mean? Boo? It was honorable. Home Alone is legend.
Speaker 1:Home Alone won and 2. I picked one. Oh, I won't pick one. He probably loves 2 more than 1. Who is great? Oh, I love 2. No reason, he just loves the lobby scene. Oh shit, excuse me, where's the lobby? Down the hall and to the left, come on. Oh, I got to make a. It has nothing to do with the pigeon. My boss put that on in the warehouse for our Christmas party. It's like why'd you go home with Trump? I'm the biggest liar. How was my reception? Everybody probably turned to you like you kidding me. Oh, I should actually mention side note for work. All I did was picture JK Simmons saying that you kidding me. Home Alone is just that's just classic.
Speaker 1:You can rewatch the ending where Marv and Harry are going, where Harry and fuck God, I forgot his name, marv and you got it right, harry. It is Harry and Marv. Okay, I got it right. The issue was. The only issue with Home Alone is number four. Is they switched Harry and Marv and called him the wrong person. They made Harry Marv. And three was its own thing. One and two were great. Three was I only remember the parrot and the RC car, 360. 360.
Speaker 1:A young Scarlett Johansson's in one of those, I think Three, three, that's the mom. No, she's one of the, she's the sister. The sister, those movies in the 90s, you know, is Scarlett Johansson's playing the mom in a 90s movie? Hey, young moms were a thing, not teenagers. That's my mom. That explains a lot. She was 16 when she had me. That still explains a lot. Yeah, I don't think Scarlett Johansson's playing the mom of a 10 year old boy. Well, home Alone 2. I don't think Scarlett Johansson's playing the mom of a 10-year-old boy. Well, Home Alone 2's got one of my favorite things when he's on the roof. Come on, mark, he ain't got any more bricks, let's go.
Speaker 1:Or I like when the traps are better in two. Think so I do. But one is so nostalgic I picked it. That is true, it's true, it's true, it's better, isn't it true? Where we got the dirty, the sea change, you feel? No, that's in both. I think that's in both. It is the scene where they're doing the portrayal is in two. Okay, with Tim Curry, macaulay Culkin is supposed to be in three. No, he was too old so they didn't want to put him in three or something. He was starting to get too old. You know random mention, because it always comes up One of the first movies I seen Macaulay Culkin in Very young Macaulay Culkin.
Speaker 1:You've heard about the NFL thing where people's houses are getting broken into while they're out of games. Yeah, one of them was Joe Burrow. It's like Joe, you're Macaulay Culkin, you're out of speed. Oh no, another one. I'm trying to mini home alone. Another one in two. When a tool chest coming down the stairs what the hell was that? That was the sound of a tool chest coming down the stairs, crack, electrocution, then he turns into a skeleton. I lost track of where we were at Dude.
Speaker 1:That was your four. That was his four. That was Max. I tied him. I can't pick between those two. Man, you can tie me. Home Alone's not my four. Violent Night is my four. That was Max. I tied him. I can't pick between those two. Man, you can tie me. Home Alone's, not my four. Violent Night is my four. I knew it'd be on his.
Speaker 1:I haven't watched it. I watched it for New Year's Eve. It's fun. This is a fun movie. Well, who's got Die Hard on their list? Give it time. There it is. Give it time. Are you leaving out Twinkies and diehard on her list? Give it time. There it is. Give it time. Are you leaving out Twinkies and a pair of slippers? Sorry, I associate Twinkies with Zambula Truck of Twinkies For the obvious reasons Three or four, four, a Christmas Story, of course Ralphie.
Speaker 1:I can't argue. I don't like it as much as others do, but I'm sorry it's played in my household all the fucking time. I arrived at the Miller's and that's what was on. It was literally at the scene where he's sticking his tongue to the pole. I watched one of my reviewers. He did a cheer list of Christmas movies now and I'd have to watch it to experience it. It's so funny. It's a big satire. I actually wanted to buy the lamp for jokes.
Speaker 1:They made a little sequel eventually where Ralphie's grown up. Ralphie's that bad Ralphie. No, he explained. He's like when you watch that movie you think of a Christmas story, totally different. It's him telling it's basically a love story of how much he loves his dad and it's like and me, I can't watch that shit. You should. I'm the biggest daddy's boy you will ever. I can't. It's an honor to the actor and everything. But no, my guy, he's like if you watch the actual sequel, the Christmas story story, the original just makes so much sense and that damn lamp. Because when you watch that first movie it's all about how he's the teen teases him the whole fucking movie. I'm not. You're not getting that gun, he got him the gun, the red rider bb gun, like there's movies.
Speaker 1:There's two Christmas movies. Nobody can hate on. That's Christmas story and it's a wonderful life. You can't hate them. A pink rabbit suit Hell. No, then again, I don't eat my fucking food the way that kid did either. No, I forgot a third one.
Speaker 1:You can't hate a Christmas Carol either, because that's timeless. A Christmas Carol is almost the most timeless Christmas. Not a single one of them. You know what? My timeless A Christmas Carol is almost the most timeless Christmas. Not a single one of them. My favorite one was they made an animated one in the 90s or whatever. Me and my dad used to watch it all the time. My favorite, of course, the Ghost of Christmas Future looked like. I do have a favorite Christmas Carol. Can you guess which one? I don't know. Take a stab. You said Scrooge. Scrooge, basically, is a Christmas Carol. It is there. Yeah, it is a Christmas Carol, but it's kind of it falls different for me Mickey Mouse, but one that literally has A Muppets Christmas Carol. Yes, I'm fucking right, a Muppets Christmas Carol. Muppets Christmas Carol, my God. Oh, come on. The little frog sells little Timmy. There we go.
Speaker 1:I watched this one as a kid a lot. It was from 1997. That's what I watched. That was from 97. I watched that one a lot. I swear to God, that dog is Bandit from Johnny Quest. The Ghost of Christmas Future looks like the fucking Grim Reaper Well, he always usually does, but I love the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Speaker 1:We're on year three. Dean, my three, yeah, potter, grinch and Snow Christmas. I'm surprised I'm the first one to name this franchise, though Santa Claus is my three Year three. Yes, we tied on that one. Oh, it's year two. So we're a full circle in it there. Pretty good timing. I just watched it last.
Speaker 1:I got to pick the craziest movie. Did you watch the Disney Plus show? Yes, I did, I liked it, I watched it and it's fresh on my mind the original, because I got to pick Christmas movie when we opened presents here and I picked Santa Claus. I logged into my Disney Plus in the living room when we were opening presents and I put on a Santa Claus. The Disney Plus show only pissed me off with one thing. I thought Gabriel Iglesias was going to be named Santa, I just he gave me that vibe.
Speaker 1:The first one. It's my number two. Like I said, it's my second favorite Christmas movie of all time, a timeless classic to me. I enjoyed the second one a lot, though Number two is on my honorable mentions. Yes, I liked the second one.
Speaker 1:Three I didn't really like Three's with Jack Frost, isn't it? Yes, three was yeah, is it Jack Frost? Yes, three's, jack Frost no, I don't. He tries to steal Christmas. I thought it wasn't named Jack Frost. Though he was, I didn't like. Oh, his name was Jack Frost. I'll look it up. Martin Short yeah, yeah, yeah, I didn't like Martin Short. Yeah, they might have just called him Frost or Jack. It's been a while so I can't fucking remember.
Speaker 1:Santa Claus has one of my funniest scenes. For some reason I laugh at it way too hard and I shouldn't. Oh, we're not. We're not at. Way too hard and I shouldn't. I ain't enough crackers. No, when they pull up the Denny's, come on, everybody likes Denny's. It's an American institution. Cut to. Are you with the Takis out? No, no.
Speaker 1:You know what still floors me about those movies? The very first Santa Claus. It took Tikka to explain to me. There's elves everywhere in that fucking movie, before he even becomes Santa Claus. They're in Denny's, they're in the school, they're at his job. So how the hell do I not notice little people in the background with elf ears? I just oh, you want to know another thing about 3 that I said that I just couldn't do it. I had issues with 3 too. He comes back in the series, but Head Elm Wright, bernard, was not in 3. And I hated that. They at least explained that in the Disney Plus show and got married. I'm like where's Bernard? What the fuck and old. I didn't realize he was that old Joe gave me how many years between Santa Claus 2 and now it took In terms of all Santa Claus.
Speaker 1:Late 20s in Santa Claus 2? Yeah, and he went on to do several other shows outside of that. I didn't know. Santa Claus 2? Yeah, and he went on to do several other shows outside of that. I didn't know Santa Claus 2 was 2002. So almost 19 years after that Shit. I'm sorry, bernard. Another thing Santa Claus 2 did for the longest time.
Speaker 1:It was a no contest that Rudolph is my favorite reindeer, but Santa Claus 2 gave me Chet. They didn't bring back Chet. That pissed me off, bro. Why not Chet? He was a baby, he didn't know what he was doing, but he was a big bird. 46 years old was Bernard Currently. Yeah, yeah, makes me feel a little better.
Speaker 1:No one can ever say I like when he's, when they're at the house and he sees Dr Mill, he's like nice. Everyone hates his sweater. It was just an Oppenheimer, nice sweater. Dude, did we make this? He was an Oppenheimer. That explains it, teachers. That explains it, teachers. That explains it.
Speaker 1:I didn't watch Heisenheimer. Well, I don't have spent too much time on my two, since my two was Home Alone. Yeah, thank you, my two was Jim Carrey's Grinch. Holy shit, I get the stage for number one. No, I'm not surprised. It wasn't said it says number one. No, I'm not surprised, it wasn't said it's his number one. No, no, my number one is it's terrifying. Nope, it's not. You might laugh because you'll be like it's a Dean. Pick my number one because I just watched it again a couple nights ago. It's one of my what Nope. No, it's my number one. Nope, christmas Vacation, sheppy Chase National. I vacation Sheppy Chase National Lampoon. I almost put National Lampoon on Christmas vacation. I almost did One of my favorite scenes ever when he's in the department store talking to the hot it's kind of nippy outside.
Speaker 1:Jj ruined you with that, didn't he? You can't think of nippy with a mom in that movie is the grandma in Violent Night, beverly D'Angelo. That's Beverly D'Angelo. I love that fucking squirrel. You know, for most people that's the first pair of tits they've seen.
Speaker 1:Watching that movie, christmas Vacation, there's so many Coming out the shower. That wouldn't have been mine. I just don't remember. I thought you were questioning if that was in the movie or not. No, I wasn't watch that. I didn't watch the movie. I thought you were questioning if that was in the movie or not. No, I wasn't. I'd have to think real hard. Jake shaking the gift there's something alive in here. She don't, auntie don't know much, so she wraps up her cat. She wraps up things around the house as gifts. She wrapped up her cat. When did that movie come out? What cap? When did that movie come out? What Jay got me on a tangent. Now I gotta find out when that movie came out.
Speaker 1:National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, no, which one? That was in 2000? That may have been it Shit. First pair of tits in a movie. I was trying to figure out which. You started the tangent. I'm sorry. What's the first pair of tits you've seen in a movie? God, I would have been eight in 2000. See, I was three and I was watching Jason, so I'm pretty sure it was out of that one. I wasn't watching horror movies, so that was like, like I said, I had to think, I had to think about it was, and I think it was the whole nine yards with Bruce Willis. I think that was it. I think that was it. Yours wasn't a Bruce Willis movie, mine was in horror movies. Not surprising, he's the horror guy. I'm numb to horror movies because of that.
Speaker 1:The next obvious ones are like American Pie or something I had the most. I had the most fucked up childhood in terms of movies I watched for bed. So want to know why I'm this way. It's because of the movies I watched for bed. Was it Jay and Silent Bob? I watched Jay and Silent Bob for bed. I watched Jackass for bed. Oh, it was Jackass. That's what Mom put on for me to go to bed. Jackass is where he saw his first pair of tits.
Speaker 1:You want to go to bed? Yeah, I go to bed. What do you want to watch for bed? Dean Jackass? Okay, put it on, for me it was Jaws. Then I go to bed Jurassic Park and the Mask.
Speaker 1:God, that speaks a lot. I needed Jackass or Jay and Silent Bob to go to bed and I Wow, wow. So we already got his number one and your number one. You want to speak on? Die Hard? Oh, oh, oh. Is it a Christmas if you don't see him falling off the tower? Nope, never is. Yippee-ki-yay, I still want my new machine gun. Listen, my number one are classics for most people, the stop-motion movies. Oh God, the Brink and Bass stop-motion movies. It is kind of a cop-out, but I was going to mention the one I like the most the Year Without Santa Claus, the one where you get the Heatmeister and the Wintermeister. Their songs were just classics.
Speaker 1:I'm going to shout out Batman and Robin for the obvious reason Batman Returns was during Christmas. It's technically a Christmas movie. It's the fuck. That was like Batman Returns. Batman Returns yes, it was a Christmas movie, so two movies have technically taken place during Christmas. For Batman, that's an honorable point.
Speaker 1:Michael Keaton, in Christmas movies he does one of two things Halloween themed doors. Batman runs Speaking of Nipley. Holy rust of metal. Batman, huh, you know another thing about that? Oh, christmas Vacation. That fucks me up. The man is setting up his Christmas lights with a fucking staple nail and staple gun. You know, when I pulled up to your house I thought that was you. I was like what the fuck Is that how you did your lights? No, I, I. He wrapped his whole house in lights. He wanted to have the best house on the block. I like when Cousin Eddie's Emptying his fucking sewage tank From his fucking mobile home in the sewer, hey, that would command Save the world on 4th of July. I don't know how.
Speaker 1:About Tim Allen in Christmas movies? I have Christmas with the Cranks On my honorable mentions list, christmas with the Cranks. I almost had that on there too, but I was like you know what One Tim Allen is. Good, he's been in a lot. Tim Allen I mean Toy Story technically counts too.
Speaker 1:You know one that's on my honorable mentions Is that it Gremlins? Yeah, I just never Got. Is Gremlins? Yeah, I just never got into Gremlins. I just never got into Gremlins. I couldn't put Gremlins on there because that one fits too horror for me, doesn't matter so.
Speaker 1:Is Violent Nights an action movie? It's the Christmas play, isn't it Gizmo? Even though Gizmo wasn't my favorite Gremlins, that movie made me want to be an inventor and I never did it. My favorite fucking, I figured that would have been Flubber. No, that did too, but Flubber was too smart for me. Can you believe that, man, when the fucking evil, fucking gremlins first spawn out of Gizmo and shit, them motherfuckers are? I swear to God? There's a scene where they're eating the chicken out of the microwave and it fucking kills me. He didn't even heat that shit up If Ratu wouldn't Well, definitely not his servant. He ate that shit raw, holy fuck. He ate the lamb raw Raw. I say Mad One thing about that movie I'm going to start messaging Jay when you want to hang.
Speaker 1:When Jay's going to message me, you're going to make a mistake. Message me one day. When should we hang out? First crow of cock you don't wake. You go to bed. At the first crow of cock, you fall asleep. At the first crow of cock. You fall asleep at the first. He goes to sleep at the second crow of cock. That wasn't the joke I was going to make. He goes to sleep at the first stroke of cock. That's kind of true. That's kind of true because that's my go-to-sleep method if I can't sleep. Yeah, he's not, jesse, if the man listens to our podcast, he'd smack us all. Smack us all. What do we have left for time? Oh, we're done. What we're done? We are done. Yeah, we're done. You can say your goodbyes Right now. Yep, alright, I guess. Just right, fingers, god damn it. Are you serious? We're done. Alright, everyone hope you had a merry Christmas and a happy holidays and a happy new years. Signing off.
