Redefining the 'Perfect' Christmas: Breaking Free from Comparison with HEATHER CREEKMORE

Ever find yourself playing the 'comparison game' especially during the holiday season, yearning for that picture-perfect Christmas? Well, you're not alone! Our guest, Heather Creekmore, lifts the lid on the pressures we often place on ourselves to mimic idealized images and how our pursuit of perfection can lead us astray. As Heather shares her personal experiences, we expose the truth about this comparison trap and the toll it takes on our emotional well-being.


Shifting focus to the Christmas Eve service, we delve into the true motivations behind our actions and the question of why we strive for perfection. This episode is a heartfelt exploration of self-evaluation and acceptance. Join us as we challenge the norms, question our self-created pressures, and learn to appreciate our unique experiences and achievements. Let's redefine the meaning of a 'perfect' Christmas, shall we? Heather and I are ready to guide you on this journey of self-discovery and contentment.


Connect with Heather Creekmore:

Website - www.comparedtowho.me

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/comparedtowho

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/HeatherCreekmoreblog/

Podcast - https://www.comparedtowho.me/podcast

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Like you know, and then you start planning like, oh, here's what I'm gonna do next year, and next year it's going to be different. And then I'm going to, you know, do all these things and make all these things, and I'm going to have a beautiful Christmas Eve spread next year. And for why? Right, like, like, what is my motivation in that? What is? What is the driver there, right?

Speaker 2: 0:19

Yeah, what's driving us? I think that's the key, right? What? What is the reason that we want that? Is it for us to say that we accomplish so much because there's that as well? Right, I have four kids, or five kids. I work a full-time job. Look what I've accomplished. I can do it all. Hi, I'm Ruth Hubsap Kim, welcome to the Out of the Darkness podcast, where we help you navigate life's trials based on faith and biblical truths. Today, my guest on Out of the Darkness is Heather Creekmore, and we are talking about Christmas and how we fall into the trap of comparing ourselves and our lives to other people. Listen in as we discuss on how we can overcome this comparison issue. Welcome to Out of the Darkness, heather. I'm glad that you are here during this Christmas holiday season, and I'm interested to hear about Christmas and how that plays into or how it should help us with this comparison game that we play in our lives, whether it's physical or material things that we are comparing with each other. So welcome to Out of the Darkness.

Speaker 1: 1:44

Oh, thanks so much for having me. Ruth. Merry Christmas, and hey, tis the season for comparison, I'm afraid.

Speaker 2: 1:52

But it is right. I mean, we do compare ourselves, especially with social media, especially with Pinterest, especially with Instagram, right? We look at all these, post worthy images, whether it's our outfits or the way we look, or you know what we're doing with our family. It is a comparison game, right.

Speaker 1: 2:14

Yeah, you know, I wrote about this in my first book. Compared to who? But I remember one Christmas my husband's a pastor and it actually was Christmas Eve and we had a Christmas Eve service and I had four. We had four kids for an ender and at this time they were probably, you know, maybe six, five, three and two, and I'm having to get them dressed for Christmas Eve service. You have myself dressed, get out the door and I think I had made the Mickey Mouse shaped chicken nuggets. You know, I'm sure there were some Christmas cookie crumbs around, but like I just remember I was waiting for something before we left and I, like, took a look at my kitchen table. My kitchen was a disaster.

Speaker 1: 2:55

You know there's half eaten Mickey ears all over the place and ketchup, and, and I just had a minute and I was scrolling and I was scroll, I scrolled to an image of this woman who had made this elaborate Christmas Eve feast and she had this beautiful table and it was decorated perfectly and just like every treat. And you could imagine and and I just remember the sinking feeling, like I stink at Christmas. I am a failure Boy, you know, I'm robbing my children of a beautiful Christmas experience and I mean my Christmas joy went from you know like 80 to zero in less than five seconds because of, just like this false sense of shame and guilt and frustration and really, if I'm honest, maybe envy, like why can't I be that kind of Christmas moment? So I went to Christmas Eve service and I have no idea what my husband taught I talked about I'm sure was something Christmasy. I remember sitting there the entire time just obsessing, like I couldn't think about anything else, like you know.

Speaker 1: 4:08

And then you start planning like, oh, here's what I'm going to do next year. It's going to be different and I'm going to, you know, do all these things and make all these things and I'm going to have a beautiful Christmas Eve spread next year. And for why? Right, like like. What is my motivation in that? What is? What is the driver there Right?

Speaker 2: 4:27

Yeah, what's driving us? I think that's the key, right? What? What is the reason that we want that? Is it to become, you know, like? Is it for us to say that we accomplish so much because there's that as well? Right, I have four kids, or five kids, depending, or two kids, it doesn't matter. I work a full-time job. Look what I've accomplished. I can do it all.

Speaker 2: 4:51

I remember, you know, like one of my driving forces when I first got divorced and I went back to into the workforce, I worked crazy hours. I work 70 hour weeks, you know, and, and more, and had three kids at the time, and for me, it was the drive to prove to people that I could do it all. Yeah, a single mom, I could do it all, and that was my driving, for it didn't matter what I did, whether I tried to do better in my work, at my home or what it was. Always that was my driving force, right, but I, yeah, we, we fall into that trap of trying to. You know that saying of competing with the Joneses are, need you know, being equal to them. Right, we can't, right, right and we're comes.

Speaker 1: 5:43

Yeah, we're no ahead. Well, we're trying to prove ourselves According to his metric right, like that's. That's where it gets so muddy right because there are areas like I do the illustration of throw pillows, like there are areas of my life that I could care less about. I have throw pillows, but if I come to your house, I'm not looking at your throw pillows. I don't really care about throw pillows.

Speaker 1: 6:09

Like I do not have throw pillow envy ever. I don't watch television shows are like, ooh, if only I can have better throw pillows, right, there are some people that are home decorating like experts that are really into that kind of thing, but that's not an area for me where I am tempted to prepare. Now, if we talk about body size, we talk about, you know, some other things, like you know, being a good mom, right, and I think for me, like that image went in the good mom category. It was like, oh, that's what good moms do. Oh, if I was a good mom. And then I, you know, I think the other side of that, ruth to, is that we determine for ourselves in what areas we should excel so that we can feel valuable, right, so that we can kind of prove, like you said, like prove our worth. I'm gonna prove my work and prove that I can do it. I'm gonna prove them a valuable, and then it's like what, that way, whom I proven myself to?

Speaker 2: 7:14

yeah, validation that we're looking for, yeah, and kids. You know my kids are older now but you know, when I ask back, you know, just just for reference, what they remember and what they, what their memories are of those years. It's certainly not what, as mothers or parents, we imagine the children remember and I, that has lifted off the pressure that I had put on myself even, you know, even until recent years, where I wanted my children coming back home to have a certain Certain experience at home and I, I remember one day might one of my girls said to me you know, mom, you need to enjoy yourself as well.

Speaker 2: 8:07

You know, because I'm a doer. I want to do for people and that's my I think my love language. I, I'm a doer. I want people to feel good, and they said that and I thought about it and I said that's true, because if they see me happy, if they see me enjoying being with them, they don't feel the stress of of what I'm doing, right? So you're right who? Who determines what works for each one of us, right?

Speaker 1: 8:37

what works for Heather may not work for Ruth, and vice versa right, yeah, yeah, yeah, well, and I think about the reality is, when I am so focused, like especially at the holidays right, because that is this is happening, right, it's a holiday Is that I've got to create a certain experience. It has to be like this I have to get, you know, this meal together. I have to get this gift together. I have to, like you know, show up at this party looking like this right, it's all these pressures and and all these boxes I feel like I have to check off to prove that I am valuable and really it's proof that I'm valuable to myself.

Speaker 1: 9:21

Right, it's these Extra standards and pressures I put on myself and and when I think about it I don't remember if we got into this last time I was on your show or not, ruth but I like to talk about, you know, the ideal me, right, how there's this, this like vision of the ideal me that I carry with me everywhere I go and and as I like let myself down, like my scenario and Christmas Eve with Mickey Mouse chicken nuggets, when I let myself down, I kind of like violate a rule From the ideal me, the book of Heather, the book of what Heather good? And it's like, wait a second here, you know, I just visualize Jesus saying hey, wait a second. You don't need a separate book of what makes Heather good. I already wrote one of those. That's right. It's not really about Heather and a great Christmas Eve spread and looking cute at the Christmas party.

Speaker 2: 10:20

That's not where a value comes from yeah, I think that's the key right Knowing the value we have in Christ as believers. I think that should be the number one. The number one thing that we are looking at and saying is this how Christ wants me to be seen? Yeah, is this what I have to do? Next, and I know we were talking a little bit earlier and I said you know, I want to do what Christ is telling me. Yeah, and it's. Sometimes it is difficult, right, because it kind of goes against my. It may be uncomfortable, right, because it's not something I see myself doing. As you said, we have an image of what we should be doing or what we think we should be doing, and yet if we allow Christ, or if we hand it over which is hard to do and 100% of our life over to Christ, he'll direct us and give us the strength and the understanding of what it is that he wants us to do.

Speaker 1: 11:35

Yeah, I love that and I mean, and the truth is, what are the two things that we seek? I mean, especially at Christmas, right, everyone's complaining I'm so busy, oh, it's so stressful, oh, my goodness, I got so much to do and so stressed out Exactly Like what do we want? We want rest, right, and we also want satisfaction and joy and peace. And we talk about joy and peace all the time and all those Christmas carols, right, but really satisfaction and rest. And I think the promise of these ideals, the promise of these things we chase I like to say ideals are our idols, but the promise of these things we chase is that they will give us rest, that they will give us satisfaction.

Speaker 1: 12:12

If I could put out a Christmas Eve spread like that, then next year, when I you know, when I'm able to post my pictures on Instagram, then I'll feel satisfied and then I'll feel restful. But it never, ever, works that way, for a couple of reasons, right. First of all, like Jesus doesn't want us to get our rest and satisfaction from that. And secondly, I could, like, do my best to make this awesome spread and you know what I'll be scrolling that night and you know what I'll find. I'll find someone who did it better.

Speaker 2: 12:43

That's right.

Speaker 1: 12:44

And then I'm back to square one, right, like, oh goodness, it's not enough, it's never enough, never enough, never enough. When we're trying to really compete in the world's economy, trying to find rest and satisfaction in the world's way. It will never satisfy us.

Speaker 2: 12:59

I think that is it. You know, we, we I don't know how we've gotten into this trap of comparing our lives to other people, and that is such a dangerous pitfall, and you know it. Just to take it a step further is you see a lot of relationships struggling and failing ultimately because of comparison? Yeah, you know, oh, her husband does this, her relationship is like this. I want that as well, and I think one of those times that I had that aha moment was when the book 50 Shades of Gray came out years back and I heard women Christian women as well, not just you know others say to me I wish my husband were more like the character. Now I haven't read the book, so I, you know, I can't really speak to it, but this is what I heard and to me that was a huge red flag. Yeah, and when a woman or a man starts to compare their spouse to a fictional character and says I wish my husband did this or said this or understood this, there's something wrong with that comparison.

Speaker 1: 14:23

Ruth, I love that you went there, because what a perfect time of year to talk about Hallmark movies.

Speaker 2: 14:31

I know the love hate. I'm going to admit to you, I have a love hate relationship with those because, on one side, I love the fuzzy feeling of two people falling in love and making a future together. I'm a romantic. I mean single, but I'm a romantic. Okay, I always believe that. You know, you meet someone and you fall in love with them, and I don't mean the world's way of falling in love, but I mean you build a relationship and you built this love that grows, yeah. And yet I also know the other side of it, where people who are unhappy in their marriages, who watch these movies, who then feel worse about the situation that they're in, yeah, I remember.

Speaker 1: 15:24

So we didn't have television for the first couple of years we got married. We decided it was kind of a constant area of conflict for us because my husband cannot hear me when the television's on. He has the temporary deafness that comes upon him. So I used to get really frustrated and so we decided, okay, we're just going to go without TV for the first couple of years of our marriage. I remember going home to my parents house and my mom loves home art movies and so we watched a bunch of home art movies during this couple of days. I was home and I remember like, like feeling as I'm like going back to my husband just being angry he's never once rented a fire truck and climbs the top of the ladder and told me how much he loves me. Like he's never once like dug through the basement for my grandmother's like family heirloom ornament and like refurbished it for me Boy, I just have a lousy husband.

Speaker 1: 16:22

I had to really mentally like talk myself out of that attitude that was so subtle and I watched them. Especially this time of year I love to watch them, but I think it's so important that we remind ourselves like these are men who were scripted by women, right, like a woman wrote their lines and what they should do. These are not real men. And that doesn't mean that real men can't be romantic and sentimental and all those things. Of course they can, but the image shown us in homework movies, it's not real. And the other thing I was thinking about too, ruth, I was at one point I was like I'm going to write a whole book on homework movies.

Speaker 1: 17:04

But the reality is most of those movies are about like one to three weeks in the life of a relationship, at the very beginning. They're about when they fall in love, right, and if you've been married for a day or 20 years, it's much different than those first three weeks when you're falling in love. There's really no comparison. I mean, these two people are strangers, so I don't know. It's good fun, it is.

Speaker 2: 17:34

You know it is. It's really good food for thought, right? Because we can say this for many different things. Books we read, right? That's another area that we need to be cognizant of what we are consuming. So I'm a big advocate of you need to be aware of what you watch, especially as a Christian woman, a woman of faith. We really need to be careful of what we listen to, what we view and you know what we experience, because that will ultimately affect your relationship with your spouse, with your children, with your friends, because you start to have this comparison, this feeling of maybe not having what someone else has and not putting it into the right context. As you said, this is a fictional book.

Speaker 2: 18:34

This is a fictional movie. You know, we have to understand that right, these are stars and I do air quotes because I've been considered a party pooper. When somebody talks about someone famous and I'm just like, yeah, okay, I don't there's something wrong with me, I think there's. The wires are not connected, but I don't look at, you know, like movie stars or musical stars the same way. I appreciate what they do. You know I watch what they do or listen to what they do, but I don't have that thing of they're so perfect. I want their life. Maybe I've seen a little too much of real life, but that's what I want to really really make women think about that. These people have extraordinary lives. They're not what we live in a day to day life.

Speaker 1: 19:37

Well, and even even beyond that, Ruth, as believers, right as followers of Jesus, we are all partakers in his grace. Amen. To what end am I snubbing God's grace If my attitude when I see others people's lives is you, you did better than them. God, yeah, Boy, you bless them more than you bless me.

Speaker 2: 20:01

Oh, wow, I've been guilty of that.

Speaker 1: 20:03

Right, I mean I think we all have.

Speaker 2: 20:05

I've been guilty of that.

Speaker 1: 20:06

But, but, but. Then it's like I feel like when I am deep in comparison, that is the time when I have to do a heart check, where it's like, okay, this isn't really about how they're getting ahead of me and the imaginary context in my brain.

Speaker 1: 20:22

Right. This is really about my heart and and my pride and my envy and my covetousness and all those words that we'd rather just pretend applied only to other people, not to us. Nice people, right, but our hearts are ugly, scripture tells us, right. We don't even know all the junk that's in there, and I think when we get caught up in comparison, some of that junk is showing itself.

Speaker 2: 20:48

Yeah, you know, one, one of the things that I that has helped me when I get into that comparison game. And you're right, you know, like in the past it may have been, you know, when I saw a happy couple, and again, that's on the surface, we really don't know what's happening behind closed doors, because that's how people saw me and my husband at one time, until we got divorced, because that's when people started to say to us but how, why you guys are so, so happy, go lucky, you look. Well, we don't know. But you know I've also had the comparison of say, now, you know, as I, as I, you know, grow my ministry, as I work for the Lord, as I'm out there and I'm like, but, lord, I'm working so hard, why, you know? And and I start to compare myself to other people.

Speaker 2: 21:42

So one of the things that I I found that helps me is when I check myself, as you said, and say to myself, how can I help someone else when I stop focusing on myself but focusing on someone else? So you know, is there another woman out there that is writing a book and needs an encouraging word or prayer or a hand with whatever? What can I do to help someone else and that auto very quickly removes this envious attitude. You know covetous attitude that I have and you know it's the same when people are, you know, constantly in deep sorrow because of whatever it is, and you know you remind them that to take it to the Lord. But I think there's something else we can actually do and that is remove the focus off of ourselves and focus on others.

Speaker 1: 22:54

Yeah, tim Keller says the freedom is in self-forgetfulness, right, that doesn't mean self-neglect, exactly, but it means I'm thinking about others more than I'm thinking about myself. And you know, I think a great Christmas application of that, ruth, would be when you go to a Christmas party, right? How many of us go to the Christmas party where we're like, okay, I don't know if I like my hair, I don't know if I like my body.

Speaker 1: 23:17

I don't know if I like my outfit. I don't know if the cookies I made are going to look pretty enough, because I'm not really good at that. You know, like all the insecurities we have when we're going to group of people, going to some sort of fun gathering.

Speaker 1: 23:30

But applying exactly what you said. Like, if you can go to that gathering with the attitude of who can I love? Well, at this party, who can I seek out and ask how are you doing? You know, can I pray for you? Like tell me more of your story. If it's someone you don't know, like the pressure comes off of you and you will find that you had an awesome time at the party because you weren't thinking about yourself and you actually. Every time we serve another person, every time we love another person, well, we feel good, we feel joyful. So much better than showing up with the perfect dessert or showing up with the perfect hair and the perfect outfit. It's a completely different experience.

Speaker 2: 24:14

It is, it's true, you know it's. It's amazing how just turning our focus on someone else helps us refocus on what we need to focus, especially during this Christmas season, where we sometimes forget the reason for this season and why we're celebrating Christmas. Why is there this holiday? It's not about the glitter and the glitz and the gifts and the cookies and all of that. It really is. What is it?

Speaker 2: 24:52

It's it's the birth of Christ and this awesome gift that was given to us so many years ago. I know that you mentioned about Carol, a hymn, oh Holy Night, and how you look at that, carol, and a part of that. Can you share that with us?

Speaker 1: 25:15

I'd love to, because you know the story is, I was listening to Christmas music, just kind of a random playlist, one day and struggling with all these things. You know, all these things, my body's not right. You know, christmas is the time of year where I tried to keep up with Frosty the snowman. It was just, everything was not how I wanted it to be Right. And the song oh Holy Night came into my play list and I heard that line till he appeared and the soul felt its worth and I was like there it is right there.

Speaker 1: 25:51

You know, I'm looking for worth and how I look, I'm looking for worth and what I do. I'm looking for worth. And can I be the best Christmas mom ever? And that's none of those things will give me my worth. Only his coming, only what he did for us on the cross, rising from the dead, like only the gospel, gives me my worth. If I try to find my worth in anything else is always gonna fall flat, and so that's that's my. My constant reminder this time of year is like no, he appeared myself, feels it's worth. He appeared myself, feels it's way.

Speaker 2: 26:28

Yeah, it's true we need to. We really need to focus in on this. You know where does our work come from and I love that. It's a great remind. I won't be able to sing it.

Speaker 1: 26:40

You don't want me to sing it, carol no singing.

Speaker 2: 26:43

You know no singing, but you also have a book that is, I think was, released on December the 12th, yeah, so can you tell us a little bit about? Your this amazing book that you have out.

Speaker 1: 27:00

It's called the 40 day body image workbook for Christian women who have tried everything. So this is a day by day journey to help you improve your body image. So if you're looking for, like, what am I going to do for new years this year, I know a lot of us like, oh, this is the year I'm going to get healthy, this is the year I'm going to lose weight this year. I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this, and you know we do that every single year. Right, roof like this.

Speaker 1: 27:24

Just it's kind of the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and again, expecting different results. So if you want different results this year, check out this book. I mean, I'm going to dig into, like, the why and the how behind body image struggles and then really take you on a journey to feel free to serve God, love God, be his valuable child in whatever size body you have right now, today. Now, yeah, god can. God can do things in your physical health and change your physical size to. But but really, our body image struggles are about what we think and what we believe about our bodies, and so that's the part that has to change before I think anything else can change so, yeah, I think this is a great thing.

Speaker 1: 28:09

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 28:10

Yeah, I think this is a great way, you know, buy, buy the book for a Christmas gift, put it into someone's stocking Well, it has to be a big stocking, but added to a stocking or added as a bonus gift for someone, for someone who you know is struggling, and I think we've all been in that place, you know, I I don't know anyone who hasn't struggled with body image, whether they're in top shape or not.

Speaker 2: 28:38

Right, there's something in a tley, wired in us that does that is it? Is it what the world that we live in in this? You know, society of social media, probably, but I think it's been an ongoing thing. But I look forward to getting my hands on the book and I think it's a great way to start, you know, the new year with a different type of encouragement and motivation, you know, to improve our self worth, not just our, you know, physical side of things. So, yeah, what is? What are a couple of tips you can leave us with now that we can do to, you know, improve how we see ourselves and what we should do.

Speaker 1: 29:32

Yeah, well, you know we talked about this a little bit earlier, but it applies to, you know, the way we see our value, our bodies to is watch what you're watching, right? What we, a lot of us, think our body image or how we feel about our body is about what we eat, right, how much I consume. But you know what is more important to your body image? What you see, what you eat with your eyes, what you feast on with your ears, those are the things that are going to affect your body image even more than anything you could ever put in your mouth. So that would be one tip. I think the other tip would just be to remember your journey, right, because a lot of us we tend to get, shall I say, maybe romantic and reminiscent and we tend to believe, especially as we age, like, oh, I wish I could go back to this age, that age.

Speaker 1: 30:25

Oh, look, you know, look at the pictures. I look so good then if I could just look like that again and I would be healthy I'm, if I could. Only, you know, do all the things to look like that again. But the reality is, if this has been a struggle for you for a while and most of the women I work with I'm a body image coach as well most women I work with have struggled for a long time it's like, really, you're honest with yourself. You probably weren't happy then either. Right, it wasn't enough then. So so lose this. I'm going to call it again the ideal idol. See, the ideal idol. Lose this distraction telling you that if you could, just then you would, because that's not waiting for you to do that. He wants to use you right now, today, and no matter what your body looks like, he has. He's got a good purpose and plan for your life. He's got people out there. He wants you to love. Can you love him in the body you have right now? You sure can so do it.

Speaker 2: 31:23

Yeah, that is I like that. You know it doesn't. It doesn't matter what we look like or what we wear or what we live in. It's what we can do for others. I think that is a great way to end this, heather. I love this. I think this is. It was so uplifting. Actually, it's a difficult subject, right, because we all struggle with it, but it was such an uplifting Attitude of how we can look and how we can change the way that we look at ourselves. So, heather, I wish you and your family a very happy Christmas and happy new year.

Speaker 1: 32:05

Thank you same to you. Merry Christmas, happy new year is great to be with you. I appreciate you, thank you.

Speaker 2: 32:16

Thank you for joining me. To stay connected, follow me on Instagram and Facebook. If you like this podcast, can you help me find new listeners by leaving a rating and review? This small step takes only a moment, but really helps grow the listening audience. So let me thank you in advance. I hope you have a wonderful day and until next time let's continue on our journey as followers of Jesus Christ. I am Ruth Huffseppian.