What If Wholeness Is The Real Core Competency

Most people think they need better strategies to grow, lead, or coach well. Then a conversation like this exposes the real blocker: safety. When visibility has felt dangerous, when service has been tied to worth, or when spiritual and relational harm has shaped your nervous system, you do not fix it with another checklist. You fix it by integrating healing and coaching so your body can finally believe what your mind already understands.

We talk with Hayley Surya, MCC, about why healing and coaching are complementary energies and why separating them often leaves clients with insight but no integration. We explore coaching as a calling, not just a learned skill set, and what it takes to hold a truly safe coaching container: showing up resourced, grounded, and free of the ego need to be right. Along the way, we get honest about cultural conditioning around serving, the difference between interdependence and codependence, and how overcompensating as a coach can quietly rob clients of their own agency. 

The conversation goes even deeper into memory, repair, and wholeness. We unpack how apology can create real proxy healing, why “healthy” means consistency rather than perfection, and how balancing inner polarities shapes every relationship in your life, from money and career to partnership and self-trust. 

If you care about ICF coaching, embodied leadership, trauma-informed practice, and real transformation, this will stay with you long after the audio ends.

If this resonates, subscribe, share it with a coach or leader who needs depth over noise, and leave a review telling us what part challenged you most.

Transcript

Welcome And Butter Pecan Opener

SPEAKER_00 0:00

All right. Well, welcome back to ICF Coffee and Conversations podcast. And uh today I have a special guest. I think all of our guests are special, but I'm I'm excited about this our guest today because I believe that something supernatural is going to transpire with us. Um and I have Haley Suria MCC, and she's here to share some of her wisdom with us today. Suri, how are you?

SPEAKER_01 0:34

I am doing phenomenal. It is a beautiful Wednesday here in New York. The sun is shining. I can't complain.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

Okay. So I usually do this when I hear a word like phenomenal, right? We we have a picture of that word. So if phenomenal was a flavor of ice cream, what flavor ice cream would your phenomenal be?

SPEAKER_01 1:01

It would be butter pecan.

SPEAKER_00 1:03

Oh, yeah, I can tell you from New York girls. Same as me. Is it Hagendosh? Is it so?

SPEAKER_01 1:10

I don't have a particular flavor that it would be. Okay. It's kind of in connection with the fact that for a very long time I had allergies. And the more that I do this healing and coaching work, those allergies go away. Yes. And so I wasn't able to eat that type of ice cream before. Okay. But I am able to eat it now. So that's why that would be my flavor.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Wow. Okay. So look, you just you you just piqued my attention. You said healing and coaching. And I love the fact that you you put healing first. Right? And then coaching. So share more about from a perspective of healing and coaching. How is that flow with you? How does that work with you?

SPEAKER_01 1:58

Yeah. So I think that they are complementary energies and that one simply can't exist without the other.

SPEAKER_03 2:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

I think that for a very long time I tried to segment those two aspects of myself.

SPEAKER_03 2:12

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:13

Um, and it was it didn't work. Like one always needed the other. And I think that it highly aligns with just the polarization of God's creation, which is the earth, right? We have the sun and the moon, we have, you know, fire and and water, there's always that up, down, left, right. There is a component, a complementary match for every single thing that we have. And so I

Why Healing And Coaching Belong Together

SPEAKER_01 2:42

think that when we try to take the healing relational aspects out of coaching, we miss the mark. And I think that when we try to take the coaching and foundational principles out of healing, we miss the mark. So I think that they, as I said, they're complementary and they go hand in hand 100%.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

See, I I'm so glad you you said this. So there's a point in your in your response. You said that you used to, right? Separate them. So what was that defining moment where kind of that the light shined and you realized that they are together versus being separate?

SPEAKER_01 3:24

Yeah. So I was in the coaching industry for over a decade and I loved it. I was really, really good at it and got a lot of praise around it. And so it was something that I didn't mind doing because all of the rewards and the fruits were showing as they were. But there was a deep sense of not feeling fulfilled, even though I had all of the things. And that caused me to start to develop that spiritual side more. I took a break from coaching and then just went far left into spiritual healing. Um, I started to, you know, get certifications in subconscious mind reprogramming, how the mind, body, spirit connects. I got a spiritual coach. Like I did all of the things on the spiritual side of things. And I think the aha moment for me was that I had someone ask me, why are your clients getting such great results? I was doing shamanic healing, like they were getting phenomenal results. And I had to really sit with that question and then provide an actual answer for it. And I think, you know, one of the things that I always say is that when you won't listen, God will speak through other people. And so that question caused me to really look at my process. And I wasn't just doing spiritual healing and sending my clients off. We had an integration aspect that utilized coaching so that whatever we were tapping into on the spiritual side, we had time for feedback. We had time for creating an actual game plan. Like it, like those things were just in me. And even though I had sworn off coaching, I'm like, I'm done with this industry. I'm like, I don't want to do this anymore. I had to really be honest with myself that coaching never left me. I was still unconsciously doing it even as I was navigating that spiritual side of things. And so that was the light bulb moment for me where I had to ask myself, is it worth continuing to try to split yourself in half? And what does it look like to fully integrate both and understand that harm and trauma, because that is why I left, will happen in any industry because humans are going to be humans. And what does it look like for me to simply be the shift and the transformation that I believe is possible and be that light within both industries so that I wasn't perpetuating the things that had really caused me a lot of harm.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

Yes. Oh my goodness. I I just want that to settle. And I'm probably gonna do this multiple times because when when things are said in my conversations, I don't like the rush past it anymore. You know what I mean? I I like to really sit in this. And so I have a question for you then. On your in your journey now, I think you're seeing things complete. I'm gonna use that word complete, because at times we think we're seeing, but yet we're only seeing half of what is really there. So the question here is is coaching a career or a calling?

SPEAKER_01 7:02

So I believe that coaching is a calling. Okay, that is my full belief. Yes, the second aspect of that belief is I do feel that deep-leveled fulfillment and consistency and wanting to get back out there when things are hard is when you make a career out of your calling. So what I have found over the, you know, over a decade that I've been in this industry is that I am not recreating or training or teaching. I am helping my students, my clients to remember something that's already deeply inside of them. And I don't think that that

Coaching As Calling And Safe Space

SPEAKER_01 7:56

is career because I find that careers are usually based off of a skill set, a skill set that can be learned.

SPEAKER_02 8:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

And I simply don't think that the things that we work with and identify as in terms of coaching are skill sets. I believe that they are deeply ingrained gifts. There's a huge difference between a skill, a talent, something that you've worked really, really hard at, and a gift, something that comes naturally, and then you do the work to refine it.

SPEAKER_02 8:29

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 8:30

So I definitely believe it's a calling.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

So we're we're we're alike here. And I think you're you're speaking from from the depths of your being now. And and that that for me is everything, right? I I I look at my life and I can say for three quarters of my life, I spoke from the small part of my life, and now I'm speaking from the gifting, right? And I'm speaking out of the gifting, and and it's it's different. You said you help your clients remember. That that's a profound statement. I'm not gonna let any words go by here. I want you to make sure you understand. So, so how in what ways do you partner with them, right? To help them remember?

SPEAKER_01 9:30

I would say that I partner with them to help them remember by ensuring that I'm taking a coach approach, right? When we speak about a coach approach, it's not me bringing my full needs and my wants and my desires into a container. It is me ensuring that I'm curating a container that is safe enough for the fullest version of them to one, remember, and secondly, for it to show up and know that it is safe for that fullest, most authentic version of them to be present in that space. So when I'm partnering with my clients, it looks like ensuring, and I say this across the board in my school and training and workshops and everything. I make sure that I am good before I ever enter a session. Because when we're not good before entering a session, we're human beings and human behavior is that we have to have our needs met, right? And we have to take the science period with the spiritual. I always say it's a both and it's not an either or it's a both and. And so I ensure that I am completely full. What does that look like? The basics. Have I drank water today? Did I move my body? How am I feeling emotionally? Am I able to fully be present right now? Or is my mind wandering? And if my mind is wandering, what does it look like for me to get grounded and be in this space? So that as I curate the container, the partnership can happen because I am not fighting. Our energies are not fighting for who gets the spotlight in any given moment. I can allow the fullness of who you are, the spotlight to be on you, and not feel like I am missing a beat because I too have entered into this space as my fullest self. So that is how I feel like I partner is by ensuring that there is a selfish aspect that happens before the session, so that I can be selfless once I enter. Because when I am selfless, then there's no ego, there's no desire to be right, there's no desire for you to say what I want you to say. I can allow all of what needs to happen to happen and happen safely without me counteracting or usurping the conversation.

SPEAKER_00 11:58

Wow. I I I hope our listeners actually really heard what you were saying. Because even before this session, I took 10 minutes to just go into contemplation. And my prayer was is that I'm empty, that I be filled, yeah, and I let go, right? And like I told you, I like I don't know what's gonna happen here, but I know it's gonna be good. And if nothing else comes out of this, just that answer right there is man, I'm just I'm grateful right now, right? For what you just said, because a part of this is truly understanding, is is just really allowing ourselves to hold space, is what I call it holding space for unconditional love. It's it's really just sitting in that. And you just shared, like you don't do coaching. You are a coach, right? It's it just flows out of us, right? There's nothing like if we were not in the industry, we would still be doing it because it's it's a part of us. So for the sake of this interview, I want to learn and go a little bit deeper in you as a person, right? So what are three or four events that has shaped who you are today?

SPEAKER_01 13:31

I'd say definitely my childhood. I was a chronically ill. I still have chronic conditions, but I've learned better management. But I had chronic conditions my whole life, so I spent a lot of time in hospitals, I spent a lot of time at home. I had to really learn how to be with myself and be okay with that because the type of chronic conditions that I had could lead to me not being here. Right. Right. Okay. Okay. Um, and so I really had to be very comfortable with being by myself with myself and that being okay.

SPEAKER_03 14:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 14:14

So I would definitely say my childhood, I would say culturally shaped me. I am a giver through and

Four Life Events That Shaped Her

SPEAKER_01 14:23

through. Um, I come from a Caribbean heritage, my family is from Jamaica. And I think that taught me very early on that my worth was based on how much I could serve. And so I think that understanding that cultural aspect of self and and understanding that I can take aspects of this and still be excellent, but not start to teeter into martyrdom, which I see that shows up a lot in my clients and in coaching sessions. That was a huge, like, you know, pivotal moment where it's like, you're doing this not because you're choosing to do it, but because it's deeply ingrained in you based on learned behavior and just it passing through DNA genetics, right? And then I would say the third was me leaving a very harmful marriage that really taught me that what is partnership. I had to go on that journey to really understand what is partnership, and that completely shifted how I showed up in a container because you pair that with the cultural aspects of always being a servant and being an excellent servant, and you'll recognize that you start to overcompensate in a container, and therefore you are actually enabling a lot of behaviors in people. And so when they are not getting their transformation and they're wondering what's going on, why am I not getting results? It's because they've never actually taken the steps for themselves, because you are constantly taking those steps for them. So I learned what it meant to be in an interdependent partnership versus a codependent one. Okay. And then the final one that I said that I feel really just impacted my journey was, and I might get some pushback for this, but I have to be honest, it's it leaving the church. I grew up in the Pentecostal church, and there was just a lot of harm being done. And I fully believe that when we have titles, when we are in positions of power, when we have a mandate or a calling, or what I believe to be just a mantle that we carry based on the calling, that that also comes with responsibility, a responsibility to not do harm, to not perpetuate harm, and if harm is done, to also be willing to be conscious and to fix whatever was broken, even if it was, you know, not intentional, but understanding this is what became because of an action that I took. What does it look like for me to repair this and to ensure that it doesn't happen again because I'm putting certain things in place so that this doesn't happen like this again? And so I was really seeing that lack of accountability in the church spaces and the religious spaces that I was a part of. And it didn't make sense to me based off of what I know of God, what I read in my Bible, how the laws of the land work, right? When we see the stories of what correction looks like and how that is done in love and not to embarrass or shun. I simply couldn't understand if we were reading the same Bible and comprehending it in the same way. So I would say those are the four major things that in my life have completely shaped who I am as a person, what I believe relationships to be, and what partnership is supposed to look like when it is healthy and not curated so that I always need you and you always need me, and we can't be independent entities. And so, yeah, those are those are my four events.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

Thank you. And more importantly, thank you for being vulnerable, right? And your your last event, you didn't have to share that, right? And and I understand so if you didn't know, I'm an ordained minister, right?

SPEAKER_01 19:23

I think I saw it in your email signature.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

Which is which is and and here's the thing I agree with you. Do you understand what I'm saying? I agree with you 100%. And I'm gonna ask you to forgive us. Right? That that's my mission is to ask for forgiveness because we put belief before belovedness. Wow, and that's out of order. Yeah, we're loved before we ever believed. So please forgive us.

SPEAKER_01 19:57

I appreciate that. I never got the apology.

SPEAKER_00 20:00

Oh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

No, I do appreciate that a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_00 20:04

Yeah, and it's it's it's all good. You you said something that uh if you're willing, I would love if you go back and and share a little bit about it, because you you use the words of worth and serving, and you don't usually hear it that way, right? I mean, and and that for me is our our journeys might be different, but like you're in New York, I come from New York, I joined the Marine Corps, and I learned what serving was, and it kind of shaped my whole life and understanding that worth in that. So could you please share for the listeners just a deeper understanding of worth and serving and how they relate for you?

SPEAKER_01 20:50

Yeah. So worth I believe is just your God-given right. Belovedness, right? Based on yeah, based on the existence. Yes, you know, I am because of extension. I'm an extension of the creator, I'm an extension of God, source, spirit, buddha, whatever you believe in. I believe our language is just different, but it's all the same source energy. And so worth is inherent. It is just once I am here, that's yeah, the that's what it is, that's the foundation. But what living and existing in societies, cultures, uh religions, that you are rewarded based on performance has taught, or it's sometimes not even rewarded, just it's an expectation. Exactly like show up excellently, and we're not gonna tell you that you're excellent. Yes, right. When we are able to be

Worth, Serving, And Unlearning Performance

SPEAKER_01 21:58

in that for such a Long time, you know, what we're doing when now we get into a coach training program or when we get into a school is we're trying to unlearn that pattern that we've learned for the past 30, 40, 50 years. Yeah. I have to come in and I have to do, and I have to help you get the results, and I have to help you get the breakthrough. Whereas what it truly is, is that because you and I are on an even playing field, and because you are inherently worthy and I am inherently worthy, once there are the foundational principles needed, which is that safety, that relationship, that trust, the things that are considered soft skills, once you actually feel and understand that I am listening to you and all of you, I don't mind sitting here in your emotions. I don't mind if you share something that might trigger me because I have triggered myself. And so I can sit with this and not be swayed within this conversation. Once we are willing to do that work, it becomes so much less about asking the right questions or, you know, having the sheet in front of us or taking notes avidly. It's the fact that this person feels known, they feel loved, they feel safe, and that changes the game for what is able to be created in that space because we're all innately creators, because we are extensions of the creator, yes, right? And so I think that again, worth is inherent, you're born with that. You come out, and and it's just because you are here, because you exist, like how many follicles and things had to come together for this event to take place. And when we can understand that, it's so much less about serving extrinsically, because I think that's where we put the worth at. It's what can I do externally for other people versus when we are intrinsically serving ourselves and showing up as whole beings, as beings filled with love and and light and understanding our shadows and understanding what it looks like to operate in Christ consciousness when we can do those things. That is the how we are of the highest level of service to not only ourselves, but the world that we exist in. And so I think sometimes we have it a little bit backwards because of the performance metric that that has been deeply ingrained in us on what it looks like to be chosen, approved, to you know, be picked for the team, so to so to speak.

SPEAKER_00 24:56

So oh my goodness. I I have to say this, girl. I mean, you're you're just this is this is wonderful. So the audience doesn't know I asked you the question, what do you expect to get out of this interview? And you shared your response to me. And I'm gonna say to you right now, by every fiber of my being, go forth. Don't don't hold back. It's your time. It's your time to go forth. It's there. The message that you're saying, it's it's it's what's happening in the world today. There is a global shakeup that's happening in the world, and your voice, my voice, our voice needs to be heard. If it's one, that's all that matters. Yeah, go for the one, speak out and let it let it shine.

SPEAKER_01 25:53

Thank you. Man, I'm I needed that because I'm telling you, we can get in our head about things, and you know, when you're dealing with that that trauma, you also have to think about the adaptations that you step into to keep yourself safe. And so a lot of just not being super visible and being in a space to connect with other people is because that's where my major wounding was. Yes. The people that were supposed to support me, the people that were supposed to protect me. It didn't happen that way. And so when you have a trauma like that, and now you're saying, go out there and put gasoline on this fire and let the whole world, you know, let them all see you and be able to connect with you. It's I think that we don't understand that that's what we're fighting against. It's not actually clicking go live, or it's not getting the microphone, and it's not getting the ring light. It is that real experience that we had, and sometimes multiple times that

Visibility Trauma And The Hidden Ceiling

SPEAKER_01 27:00

we're actually up against. And so I always speak to the ceiling that we don't even know exists, and it's a consciousness ceiling, yeah, right, for every single area of our lives. And so if visibility for me up until this point has been unsafe, and I'm looking to start a business or I'm looking to grow a business or scale a business, I don't need more training, I don't need more strategy. What I need is to be able to have the healing, the coaching, the emotional breakthrough so that I can understand the ceiling that I'm working with, and I can understand what it looks like for me to feel safe enough to say, yes, I can go forth. So we think that it's we need more of these things, or we think that, hey, she's here getting interviewed by someone. So it's about there's you know, about me. It's not. There's an exchange that was supposed to happen today that without it, I couldn't go forth because I just my soul, my inner child, the one that was visibly publicly embarrassed and shamed, needed that apology in order to go forth. Yes. And so this is the power of coaching right here that we see in real time that when two full people come together with a conversation and following their light and listening, actively listening, so that you can actually respond to what is being said, that is where this magical healing can happen and this partnership can be exactly what both individuals are are needing.

SPEAKER_00 28:45

And you know what? I I so appreciate what we're what we're touching on right here, because you're using the word partnership, right? And I think when most people they I at least how I used to think partnership was 50-50. But that's that's not accurate. It's 100-100, right? So 100% of what you need I'm taking on, and you're taking on 100% of what I need. So together we flow in this thing. And for me, that word partnership, even in coaching, changes everything, right? So that I don't even use help, I use partner, right? And my language. This is like incredible because you reminded me as you're sitting here and you're sharing about where you are. I was just thinking about how memory has an effect, right? And and it's positive and negative, but most of the time it really affects us on the negative side, right? And it's like it it it holds us back. Yeah. And you just said being able to get into this space where I'm picking up on it because you said help people remember, right? But you say remember, yes, but in that remembering, there's healing. Yes, there's transformation, yeah, there's empowerment. Man, is this what you do in the school? I mean, I'm I'm like, I'm just curious, man.

SPEAKER_01 30:21

This is what I do. It's the it's the merge, it's the layers, it's the levels. Like, I don't just train on core competencies because without this foundation, the core competencies, you're just memorizing them, and that's still not being embodied as a coach. Even some of the things that you were doing, there there's words for it, and that's how we begin to remember is when a gifted healer teacher comes in and says, This thing that you're doing, let me help you show the competence side of it so that you become more confident in it. So you spoke about memories, right? I was in a memory when I spoke earlier about what happened with me in the church. What you did immediately after is such a skill that, again, without proper training and teaching, most of us do not have. You apologized, so you are actively from a subconscious healing perspective. You are literally rewiring me around that event because you're giving me the apology that I never got from the church leader.

SPEAKER_02 31:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 31:31

You see what I'm saying? So it's when we do those things, when we bring in stuff like that, which would be called proxy, right? Those are all healing modalities that help us to process something that our body, our mind, our consciousness didn't get to process at any given point. And so when we are able to go back there and have a different experience, I leave that session lighter. I leave that session with a different mindset, right? Is what they call it. But it's not even a mindset, it's a different way of being, it's a lighter feeling. My energy is more free around it because again, we are reframing that experience to be one that was highly negative, to I'm not able to process it because the simple thing that I was asking for, which is that someone that is a leadership, someone that is an ordained minister, I am simply saying that the right thing to do, the God thing to do is to apologize when we do something wrong. Yes, and you were able to do that. So there's so much, as I said, it's not just people like to call it woo, and oh, you know, she does these healings. And I'm like, all of this is in the Bible. Yes, we can look forward to it.

SPEAKER_00 32:52

You don't even have to explain yourself, girls.

SPEAKER_01 32:54

The science, the data is everything is there, you guys. Come on, like it's just I might not say it in the clinical way, but I've always been a radical. I'm not super tied to data, I'm super tied to results, and the thing that gets results for me, because again, in the Bible it says you will know them by their fruit.

SPEAKER_00 33:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:14

So I believe that if I see the fruit, I know what's going on at the roots. Yes, there's no ifs, ands, buts about it.

SPEAKER_00 33:21

See, and and and here's the thing, and I you you touched on root, because what you're saying is is that at the essence, memory allows God to go in and repair the roots, right? Do you you understand what I'm saying? And and and I and I just I I have to acknowledge this because for too long we haven't acknowledged it. Right? We've allowed ego to run us. And in reality, it's like, no, it's time, man. It's there is a global shift that's happening in the world, and restoration is happening. Not revival, it's restoration. It's back to the original way that it was always supposed to be.

SPEAKER_01 34:09

Yeah, so 100%.

SPEAKER_00 34:11

Man, I'm girl, I'm on fire right now. I'm on fire. I love it. I love it. This is my jam.

SPEAKER_01 34:17

This is my jam.

SPEAKER_00 34:18

This is awesome. So you you began to touch on so I want to segue here now. I want to talk about wholeness. Whole, right? Wholeness, and not in a cliche way, okay? You know what I'm saying? Let let's let's stay in the deep waters that we're in. Yeah. So, from your perspectives, how do you define wholeness? What does that mean to you?

SPEAKER_01 34:45

Yeah, I'm gonna take it back to what you started to say about 50-50.

SPEAKER_00 34:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:51

And partnering and it being 50-50. It can never be 50-50. Yeah, I believe that even when we speak about the concept of marriage, there has to be an internal marriage that happens first before we can connect with another, or else it will always be the concept of 50-50, and 50-50 is codependency. Yeah, so wholeness for me means when the two sides of polarity converge within each individual person. That for me is the concept of wholeness. It is when it does not matter what gender, what religion, what culture,

Wholeness Through Balanced Inner Polarity

SPEAKER_01 35:31

what creed, what background, what age, what stage, doesn't matter where you're at on that scale, you have the balance of the understanding of what they call, and we can use whatever word fits here for people. I call masculine, feminine, yin, yang, as I said, the polarities. Once those two aspects of self can meet within someone on the healthy side of the spectrum, because they can meet and be on the unhealthy side, right? That's what happens when we don't do the healing work, when we don't understand ourselves on a deeper level, right? That's when our masculine is pushing us into martyrdom, yes, or it's when our feminine energy is pushing us into emotionally dumping on our clients within a session, right? So that wholeness comes from the healthy convergence of those two energies within an individual person and then meeting with another person that also is you don't have to be all the way there. I don't believe in perfection, but a willingness and awareness, right, to also meet on that side as well. That for me is what wholeness entails is that I'm not denying a side of myself or saying that this doesn't exist or this looks a certain way in a certain gender, or whatever it is that we say nowadays, these two aspects of self work together for everybody. And if you're missing one or if it's on the unhealthy side, it shows up in every single relationship, not just your coaching container, every single relationship that you have, your relationship to self, your relationship to source, your relationship to money, your relationship to your career. It impacts because everything is a relationship. It's how I relate to this thing, and so wholeness is having that healthy balance, that healthy understanding of both sides of that coin and understanding where you need to operate which one in any given moment, having a level of discernment to be able to know what that looks like.

SPEAKER_00 37:45

Yes, and and I and I appreciate and love the way you explain that, but I want you, if you can, because when people, when we hear the word healthy now, right, we automatically come with a definition of that. So true define healthy. What does healthy truly look like?

SPEAKER_01 38:07

Yes, so healthy is not perfection, okay, healthy is consistency.

SPEAKER_00 38:11

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 38:12

Okay, healthy is consistency, healthy is a trying your best, right? And intentionality is what I'll call it of not doing harm, right? Because we are human beings, we are fallible. So that means that we're going to make mistakes. Yes, it's not about not making the mistake, it's about what you do after making the mistake, is what truly matters. And that is what for me defines healthy or unhealthy, right? When I can allow you to come into a space and say, Hey, here's what I'm needing from you because this is my background, this is what I've been through. I don't overshadow that. Well, here's what I need from you. That is unhealthy. Yes, because we don't we don't have to be at odds because you're simply saying, here is what I need in any given space. If I'm giving myself what I need, or ensuring that everything around me is giving me what I need, it won't combat what you're needing from me.

SPEAKER_02 39:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 39:10

So I believe that that is what it truly means to be healthy, not perfection, but ensuring that what you need, which is going to look different for different people, because we're all individuals, my needs are going to look different based on my experiences in life. I, my safety, how I define safety, all of those different things. That's going to look different, right? But I that is how I become my most healthy self, is when I have that self-awareness of because I've been through this, because I've experienced this, this is what it looks like for me to feel safe and for the fullest version of me to be able to come forth in the most healthy way.

SPEAKER_00 39:47

Yeah. Well, this is it's beautiful. And I and I'm so glad I'm digging deep here, right? Because you you added so much depth to healthy and the fact that healthy is not perfection. I mean, I know I needed to hear that, and I know someone else needed to hear this. So as we wind down this interview, I know as coaches, we're not supposed to ask two questions at once, but I'm gonna combine two questions and I want you to answer it in two parts, right? Okay so as you reflect on your journey, what do you hope people feel when they are in your presence before they change anything? And what do you hope people get from listening to this interview?

SPEAKER_01 40:38

So when people are in my presence, what I hope that they feel is non-judgment, safety. Yeah, they can bring whatever like I don't use my powers to judge people, right? Of course, there are lines that we have to be mindful of as coaches, so I like to give that a little spiel. But again, I do want people to be able to come and be the rawest, most authentic version of themselves at any given turn. And

Depth Over Noise And Final Takeaways

SPEAKER_01 41:13

so that is what I always would hope that people feel. And I will say, for the most part, and not for the most part, 99.9% of the time when someone comes into my space or is working with me, they're just like, I don't understand why I'm able to tap into this or be able to when I'm here, and I'm like, there's unconditional love here, yeah, yeah. And so where there is unconditional love, there's unconditional freedom, yeah. Right. Yeah, and so that is always going to allow for all of the things that you have to suppress or mask or you know, not be able to do in any other space because your body knows it's not safe, it'll all be able to happen here. And so I'm very grateful for that. And what I would say that I would hope people listening get from this number one, there's work to do. Yeah, there is work to do. I told you that I had quit. I was just like, I'm done with this industry. I had been so harmed by coaches that weren't doing their work and had no level of self-awareness. I'm just like, I don't even want them to put that by my name because I believe that your name holds weight and your name is your honor. And so when I put that by my name, what are people going to think? What are people going to say? And I had to recognize that across the board, there's always going to be a bad experience somewhere.

SPEAKER_03 42:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:40

So I am the defining act of how people see this word and define this word based on their interaction with me. Right. And so I would hope that people get from this conversation that there are a lot of people that it sounds good.

SPEAKER_03 42:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:58

What they're saying sounds good. It looks good.

SPEAKER_03 43:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:02

It makes you feel all warm and cuddly inside, but there is no depth to it. A lot of it we're attracted to because of our bias and what we believe leadership and visibility is supposed to look like.

SPEAKER_03 43:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:33

And so being able to shift who we and what voices, what what things in the space we start to elevate and start to be able to adequately filter out noise versus depth. When we can filter that and start to elevate depth versus noise, and again, this is this is not from a place of shame or guilt or fear. It's from a place of I have to correct, not loudly, but I have to let it be known when I do not stand for something or where my value system is, right? So when we can start to elevate the depth, I feel that that is when what is circling in our sphere, in our niche, in our in this coaching field, will start to be able to elevate the voices that are the cause of transformation, right? Because everything is a frequency. So if we're elevating the transformative, the depth, that signal, it can create change.

SPEAKER_02 44:41

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 44:42

That we're looking to see in this industry. But if we continue to elevate noise because of familiarity, because of bias, because of good marketing, because of loudness or the ability for it to be super frequent, then we are missing the mark because we're not actually showcasing where our values are, well, we are showcasing where our values are, but then that's work that we have to do within ourselves. So I would hope that this conversation is a is a consciousness shifting one.

SPEAKER_00 45:15

Yes. And and I will say this, because I told you to go forth, and and now I think it's more specific here now. Thank you, Lord. Go forth in your elevation, right? In speaking about what is actually truly there. And I apologized before, but it's deeper than that. So my apology is a one-time thing, but I wrote a letter and I am gonna share that letter with you. I will send it to you and allow that letter to be confirmation from God of what this is all about. It's it's happening around us. And anyone that you know of that has been in your journey and has been in that same situation, share that letter because God is asking us to to ask for forgiveness. We're not in the right. Yes, exactly. So you know this has been wonderful. I I so appreciate your time. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your time with me today.

SPEAKER_01 46:18

Oh, it's my pleasure. I'm really, really glad that you know the stars aligned for us to be able to connect in this way. Because as I said, there's nothing that happens by coincidence. So I'm really glad that everything lined up for me to get here in this moment at this this time.

SPEAKER_00 46:39

It's ordained, right? It's ordained, absolutely. Until next time.

SPEAKER_01 46:44

All right.