talk lit, get hit

bride by ali hazlewood

• talk lit, get hit • Season 2 • Episode 20

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here comes the Bride - fair, fat and vying for a chance at redeeming Ali Hazelwood in the eyes of Bridget and Laura. coming off the back of our somewhat negative reading experience of The Love Hypothesis, we are back for another slice with Bride by Ali Hazelwood. in this episode we contend with vampire and were customs, Ali Hazelwood's writing process and honing of her craft, rat kings, the dark recesses of Reddit, comparisons to Twilight (naturally) and of course... knotting. join us as we untangle all of the ins and outs of the inter-species, marriage-of-convenience, fantasy romance and try to bestow it with the ultimate rating: lit or shit?

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join talk lit, get hit podcast for deep dives into the hottest BookTok recommendations, trending contemporary fiction, and literary favourites! each episode features book discussions, spoiler-filled chats, and thoughtful literary analysis of novels everyone is talking about - from viral romance and fantasy to modern classics. whether you’re looking for BookTok book reviews, author interviews, or a virtual book club experience, out podcast is your go-to space for readers who love stories and want to explore them in depth.

talk lit, get hit are reading and recording on Giabal, Jagera, Jarowair & Turrbal lands. we acknowledge the cultural diversity of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples and pay respect to Elders past, present and future. always was, always will be.  

Laura

Hello and welcome to Talk Lit Get Hit, a podcast where we read viral books the internet won't shut up about and rate them lit or shit.

Bridget

We're your hosts Bridget and Laura, lovers of sad girl fiction and tragic endings, fearers of smart urban fantasy and the Who Did This To You trope. Join us as we pick apart all the books the internet loves and embark on a journey to figure out why.

Laura

Here comes a bride, fair, fat, and widely praised as containing humor, twisty plots, and spice that doesn't quit. For our last monthly book of the year and ticking off on fantasy, the final genre we'll be exploring in 2024, we are revisiting an old friend and reading Bride by Allie Hazelwood. Bridget, hello, hello. Hello, hello.

Bridget

Nearly the last hello, hello for the year.

Laura

Oh, will I change it up in 2025? I don't know. Can we handle that?

Bridget

How's your month been? It's been good. I actually have some really good news. So a few months ago, I placed to click and collect order at Woolworths. Yeah. And I'm really obsessed with this toothpaste from Colgate. Not sponsored, but please sponsor me. And it's like Rainbow Hearts. I don't know what it's actually called. And they have little heart-shaped one. You squeeze it out on your brush, and then it's upsetting when you don't get the little hearts. And like Brian and I are both like, did you get hearts? It's like the Pokemon cereal with the little marshmallows. We never had that, but that sounds nice. It sounds like the same sort of thing. So I placed an order because I was like, I don't know if this is limited edition, so I'm gonna get three. But for some reason, the people that were worth instead of packing three rainbow fresh breath hearts or whatever, they gave us peach flavoured toothpaste, and it's absolutely awful. And we have just been powering through these three tubes of peach flavoured toothpaste for months. Like, and we're finally to the end of them, and I'm so happy. Yay! It's disgusting. Don't ever buy it. I am fully aware that the rainbow hearts might sound awful, but it's just like a nice normal flavor, plus it has rainbow hearts inside it.

Laura

I totally see the appeal. My favorite kind of toothpaste is the kind that's like blue and glittery.

Bridget

Yes. Yes.

Laura

Completely unnatural. Get it in me.

Bridget

Other than that, I am out of a reading slump, which is very exciting. I did try to go through what I'd read to sort of find some notable mentions, and I haven't read that many good ones.

Laura

That's kind of a bummer.

Bridget

Because I was feeling really positive about it, and then I looked and I was like, I don't really have any I want to talk about, but I I did reread Twilight, which we will talk about. So I read the whole series and had a lovely time with that.

Laura

You did. You were actually messaging me quite a bit with your thoughts and feelings, and there were there were a lot.

Bridget

Yeah. It's amazing how things change. What a year can do. What a year. Other than that, I did listen to Best of Friends by Camila Shamsy, and that was about two young girls who grew up in Pakistan until they were ripped apart by the political climate at the time. I read books five and six of the Bridgerton series. So we're better than the other ones. So I might keep reading because there's not many left. Maybe I'll just knock them out and then I never have to do it ever again.

Laura

I think at this point you have to see it through to the end.

Bridget

And they're getting better as they go on. The last two, Eloise's book and Francesca's book, weren't the same boring shit as the other ones. So that has made me a little bit more positive for the books, and I guess the direction the show's heading as well.

Laura

If it lasts that long, hey, like, you know, will I be 40 by the time their seasons are coming out? Especially if they're taking two years to film.

Bridget

For a crumb, a pittance of episodes. Absolutely crazy. The last book that I want to talk about was one that was a bit of a disappointment. And it was Men Have Caught Her Crazy by Anna Marie Tendler. And she is John Mullaney's ex-wife. I didn't really know either of them. I just, you know, was watching from afar. And I did really like her portraits from the first house, I think it was called, that photographic series on Instagram. And I thought that she was really cool until I read the book.

Laura

Oh.

Bridget

And I just don't think that anymore.

Laura

Oh.

Bridget

Commiserations, Anna Marie. I listened to a really good uh review on the Celebrity Memoir Book Club podcast about this book, and they absolutely slammed it. And she hates them. She's ha she's got them blocked. Oh pre-the-ep, I think for a few years now. So it was quite interesting to listen to that. Other than that, it's been really hot the last week. And that's really sad.

Laura

Dankin'.

Bridget

I got on my car the other day, it was 38 degrees. That was great.

Laura

Anyway, how about you? Yeah, I've been good. Sort of same old, same old. It really struck a chord with me when you said that you could see the temperature in your car because I got a new car and I now have basic safety features like a reverse camera. Um, I have electric window bags, Bluetooth, and a car that tells you what the temperature is outside is also something that I have now. It is amazing, isn't it?

Bridget

Like these things that people have been living with for so long. One thing that's really struck me about my new car is the fact that the fuel light comes on. Yes. I never had a fuel light before.

Laura

Mine was broken too. That's so funny. How the other half live. You know, like telling people, I'm like, it's the darndest thing. You can roll down four windows all at once while you're driving.

Bridget

It doesn't take 30 seconds to roll up a window.

Laura

I really feel like I wasn't excited enough for you when you got your new car because you were telling me like going for a drive is fun now. And I was like, I couldn't imagine it would be. But let me tell you, it is. The rumors are true.

Bridget

Just cruising around for no reason.

Laura

Yeah, and just like, oh, not having to use a little Bluetooth transmitter, like radio transmitter that picks up other people's Bluetooth signals, and like, oh, it's so good.

Bridget

The day that my stereo died in my car, it was a cassette one. Oh, this was like maybe four or five years ago, but that was like a mix of a blessing and a curse because like I couldn't use that transmitter thing anymore to get music. But then the good thing was I didn't have to use the transmitter thing anymore. Like, yeah, it's like silence or pain, but then I did eventually get a Bluetooth speaker, so that's another good thing to not have to use as well. It just feels so bogan. These like little thieves tried to break into my cut of steel at once. So they really wanted that Bluetooth speaker.

Laura

So that's very exciting for you. It is very exciting. Apart from that, the only other thing I can think of is that after all of our big chat in our A Good Girl's Guide to Murder episode about not dressing up for Halloween and not caring about Halloween, I did in fact dress up for Halloween. And I cared so much. I think you said you were gonna dress up as a rental crisis. Is that what you ended up? No. I felt so edgy for saying that, I have to say. I was like, oh yeah. Right. I know politics. I'm uh engaged. We were aiming for an easy couples costume, and what I thought would be an easy costume turned out to be quite an ordeal. We went as the two main characters from the movie Eagle versus Shark, and like specifically in their eagle and shark costumes. And looking at the costumes in the movie, they're very like homemade. His eagle collar is sort of like made out of a towel. It looks like he's got um like a teddy bear eye for his eagle thingy, like you know. Eagle thingy. It's an eagle thingy, you know, the thingy. Do you mean penis? Richard, we're trying to not get an explicit rating on this show. What do you mean be I actually have no idea like what the heck I was even talking about? Do you mean like a beak? Or I think I meant head. Like the main total big part of the eagle, their face. Sorry, this is such a segue. It reminds me of this time. I used to work with these freaking engineers, and it was excruciating because they always try to talk to me, and they just the lunchroom chatter was excruciating. And one time this guy was talking. I didn't have to participate in this conversation, but I was eavesdropping and he was like watching her make her lunch, and she was just cobbling together, like, you know, some chickpeas, some spinach, a little bit of tofu and stuff. And he was like, Are you a vegan? And she said, No. And then he was like, Well, that looks like a vegan meal. And she said, Yeah, I guess it is. I don't eat that much meat. And then he was like, Did you see what the vegan guy said? She was like, I'm sorry. And he was like, you know, like the the main vegan. She was like, No, I don't know what you mean. And he got frustrated and he was like, Oh, like the total main big vegan. The president of the vegans, the vegan overlord, vegan, capital letters T v. Who the hell does he mean? Pete Evans, surely. I don't know. He must be the big vegan. The total main big vegan. He had, I can't do it, but he had a South African accent as well. So just like so good to hear him saying total main big vegan. Like again and again. All that to say, I severely overestimated my sewing skills.

Bridget

That's how they get you though, because they've obviously constructed these costumes in such an artistic and creative way. You think I could do that, it looks homemade. Yeah. But then you did it, and you did look like you were part of the KKK.

Laura

I did. I was so glad I had fins. It was really dicey. Anytime Brown wasn't with me at the party, I was like, quick, find him. Because I just desperately needed the context of having him next to me. And I also like cut the mouth hole way too big. Gaping. Gaping, like my boobs were out. Like, thank God it wasn't, I don't know, the only thing that I was wearing. And before I can you imagine what an assault to the senses. But before I put the equal version straggler, but make it sexy. But I couldn't figure out. Like biased tape binding is like my sleep paralysis demon. I cannot figure out how makes straight piece go round shape. Like, you know, like when you put a what you're doing. Okay, well, it's like you sew it over like the raw edge of a seam to make it like neat. And it's like this piece of fabric. There's probably sewists that are like, mm, wrong. But like you fold it in half, and then it gets sewn over the raw edge to make it look finished. And I could not figure out the logistics. And I was like, I'll just sew it down once. And then it like it looked like it looked like a vagina. And the way that my little pointy hat pulled it up, it was like it was very, it was very much evolva. Alrighty, let's kick off the episode. Bridget, I would love to know your initial thoughts, expectations, hopes, and dreams heading into reading Bride by Allie Hazelwood.

Bridget

The night that I started reading Bride was the night that I finished The Twilight Reread. And so I was feeling primed to keep reading about vampires and werewolves. I was in the mood for more lowbrow vampire shit. But I have heard surprisingly good things about this book. Some people on BookTalk that I've seen that normally have quite sensible opinions have said that they really liked it more than her other books, so I was like cautiously positive going in.

Laura

I think I was also cautiously positive about this book, which is crazy because I hated the love hypothesis. But similarly, I think I've seen fairly positive things about it, and I think it's enough of a vibe shift from her usual women in STEM rinse and repeat that I thought it might work for me for whatever reason. Because I think the feedback I was seeing was that it was quite different. So I guess I wasn't necessarily expecting to like it, but I was still kind of curious about it.

Bridget

This episode will contain spoilers for the book Bride by Allie Hazlewood. If you're yet to read it and would like to keep your mind untarnished, pause the episode now and make sure to come back once you've read the book.

Laura

This month we are fortunate to have a list of content warnings straight from Allie Hazlewood's website. In this episode, you're likely to hear discussions of themes of death, kidnapping, mild violence, poisoning, and attempted murder, explicit and graphic sexual content, and a special mention to knotting.

Bridget

If you know, you know. Misery Lark, the only daughter of the most powerful vampire councilman of the Southwest, is an outcast again. Her days of living in anonymity among the humans are over. She has been called upon to uphold a historic peacekeeping alliance between the vampires and their mortal enemies, the Wares. And she sees little choice but to surrender herself in the exchange again.

Laura

Wares are ruthless and unpredictable, and their alpha Low Moreland is no exception.

Bridget

He rules his pack with absolute authority, but not without justice. And unlike the Vampire Council, not without feeling.

Laura

It's clear from the way he tracks Misery's every movement that he doesn't trust her. If only he knew how right he was.

Bridget

Because Misery has her own reasons to agree to this marriage of convenience. Reasons that have nothing to do with politics or alliances, and everything to do with the only thing she's ever cared about.

Laura

And she is willing to do whatever it takes to get back what's hers, even if it means a life alone in Ware territory. Alone with the wolf. Alright, Bridget, I am desperate to know how you felt about Bride by Allie Hazelwood.

Bridget

I have a short story to tell you about my journey with this book. So last weekend, I think, I went out for breakfast, one of my favourite cafes, and I took the book, and I was once again embarrassed to be reading one of the podcast books in public. So I was quite vigilant about hiding the cover. Because this one just looks Say less.

Laura

We've all seen it.

Bridget

I don't need to say anything else. But I had just put it down, made my decision, and announced to Brian that I was ashamed to say that I was really into it. And the waitress came over and she was like, Rosemary vanilla ice latte. And I was like, that's me. And she was like, Oh my god, are you enjoying that book? My sister told me I have to read it. And I was like, um just froze. And I was like, embarrassingly, yes. And she said, Don't worry, I've read so much worse. So she was really nice. She made my worst nightmare not that bad of being like perceived while reading a podcast book. If I was a braver person, I would have been like, actually, I'm reading it because I'm gonna talk about it on a podcast, but I did not do that. I know.

Laura

I never have once, but I've thought about it so many times.

Bridget

Brian said to me after, Do you want me to say it for you? And I was like, No. Please God, no. So that was about a week ago. I think I read it in one day. The majority of it read it in one day, and finished it and I was like, wow, I really like this book. We'll talk about this later, but there was a point where I was sort of like, I don't like this anymore. But then I left it for a few days, didn't think about it too much, but then I started listening to the audiobook, hurt my own feelings. It's the same thing as The Good Girl's Guide to Murder. Awful audiobook.

Laura

I didn't mind it.

Bridget

Oh, we'll talk about this.

Laura

But yeah, yeah, how did you feel? Well, I don't know what cosmic shift has occurred in my brain over the last year, but I also did not hate this. I also would actually say that I enjoyed reading it up until the last like 50 pages where I was like, oh, now I really don't know who I am anymore. I don't know. I don't know. I actually had no notes throughout reading this. I was just like, this, yeah, this is ridiculous. Like, this is crazy. Oh, okay, that's happening. Like, all right, okay. But at the same time, I was surprisingly sucked into it. So, like you, I did go back a second time and I listened to the audiobook, which I didn't hate and which we'll talk about later. And then when I thought about it some more, yeah, had some thoughts. But overall, genuinely speechless, shocked at how much I enjoyed this.

Bridget

Maddie picked me up and I got the crown. I was like, oh my god, this look is so good. This happens and this happens and this happens. And I think that was before they had met the governor. For me, that's when it started to go downhill.

Laura

I would agree with that. We last read an Allie Hazelwood book on the podcast in January 2023, and that was Allie Hazelwood's first book, The Love Hypothesis, which was published in 2021. Since then, Allie has written 11 other books. I think two of them are not yet released, and they're slated for release next year. But that's 12 books written in under four years. I know plenty of authors are prolific, and I did see a comment, you know, someone saying we don't criticize like academics or people writing assignments or whatever it may be when they're churning out books at this rate. I do have this sort of cynicism in my mind when I see someone churning out books so rapidly.

Bridget

I agree with you, and I remember maybe earlier in the year or maybe towards the end of last year, Jack Edwards stitched, I think, an indie author who said they had written or drafted four books in three months. And he said, I don't know if that's the flex you think it is. And he got a lot of hate for that, but I agree with him. I just think that's a lot of books.

Laura

It is a lot of books in three months. And I guess it depends on what kind of book you're looking for, because like Ali Hazelwood's books are undeniably a rinse and repeat. And that's not really the type of book I'm often looking for. I don't want to consume a lot of books like that. That's not to say those books don't have meaning or purpose, but they're not gonna be like some big artistic achievement.

Bridget

And not all of them have to be, but at the end of the day, it is his opinion as a literary critic that he thinks an author who writes four books in three months maybe isn't, you know, churning out things that need to be churned out quite so much. Like what hurts the book by taking a little bit more time with it?

Laura

On that note, Bridget, you have read some other Allie Hazelwood books, and contrary to Erin and I, you didn't actually completely hate the love hypothesis when we talked about it. So, what were the other books like?

Bridget

I think that the love hypothesis is one of the first romances I read when I started coming out of my book snob phase, and I was like, oh, books can be fun. Books that aren't twilight can be fun. So that was a bit of an like an eye-opener for me. I then read Love on the Brain, and I absolutely hated that book. It was a worse retelling of the love hypothesis. I was then traumatized by the term steminist novellas when I read the novella collection of Loath to Love You, and that was the three novellas of Under One Roof, Stuck With You and Below Zero. They were absolutely awful. I think I read that the first time I had COVID. Did not help the situation at all. Um, then I read Love Theoretically, which I can't remember anything about, other than the fact that it has a twilight mention in nearly every chapter. So I was pretty into that. And then finally I read Check and Mate, which is her YA. I didn't realize you'd read so many. What the hell? I know. Neither. When I was researching, I was like, wow. What the hell? Really hoping that I would get something like the love hypothesis. But Check and Mate was actually really, really good. It was a bit more innocent than the others. It made me happy. It wasn't gross. And it was also about chess. Now I don't know how to play chess. Like I've a few people have tried to teach me, and I retain it for like 20 minutes after we've finished the lesson, and then I never think about it ever again. But it was about chess. I'm really into books and things about chess. Like I'm thinking into mezzo. I really loved the chess in there. I always watch the Queen's Gambit on TikTok. Yeah. I love the chess scenes in there, and this book was about chess, and I really, really liked it.

Laura

So an unrealised passion.

Bridget

Yeah, and it's also a closed-door romance as well, which is good. I think that's sort of helped its case. There was no gross sex scenes. Good, it was enjoyable. So I haven't read Not in Love, but I think I do have that somewhere to read. The only other one is her audiobook-only book, which is Who Can Play. Deep End comes out in 2025. So apparently I'm a big fan. Yeah. Even though I hated half of them, more than half.

Laura

I'm stunned into silence. I think one of my main takeaways from this book was that it just felt so much more purposeful than the love hypothesis did. And granted, that's my only Allie Hazlewood book that I've read, but I mean I know we say all the time how things just kept happening, and there was no real motivation behind any of the events, and so I was pleased and relieved to find that that wasn't the case with Bride. But I did read an interview with Allie Hazlewood that kind of expanded on this, and I thought it was really interesting. It came from the writer's digest, and unfortunately it was called How I Combine Plotting and Pantsing in My Writing. Uh, and she had a section, How I Used to Write. Allie Hazlewood did have her start writing fan fiction. Um, and so in the section under How I Used to Write, she said, Before traditional publishing, I exclusively wrote fan fiction and midterm essays and statements of purpose and scholarly papers, but those probably don't count. The fics I wrote varied in length and scope, but I usually don't worry too much about plotting them in advance. I'd send Focus on gathering four items a setting, a starting point, a conflict, and an end. For instance, the characters of roommates, initially they hate each other, then they slowly warm up to the other but have issues admitting their feelings because of their emotional baggage. But despite all of that, they end up together.

Bridget

Yeah, I was listening to a podcast that she appeared on, The Shit No One Tells You About Writing. And she said that she started with Star Trek fanfiction. And she was in love with Commander Spock. And then she moved to Star Wars fanfiction on AO3. And then her agents started to read her fanfiction and told her that if she was interested in publishing in the traditional way, that her writing would translate well to original stories. So then she like reworked it from her original fanfiction. Okay. Um, she did also say that she wasn't like exceedingly popular on AO3. She was pretty popular within her fandom, but she wasn't like one of the authors that we often hear about. Like, I guess Sid Lynnew and other people like that.

Laura

Tobines 69 or whatever it was. Taylor sweet. Interestingly, from there she says, How I write now. This is what I do now. Once I've settled on my story idea, I divide it into three acts, which is something that I've probably learned from one of the dozens of craft books I've read to make the writing process feel easy. This has not happened yet. Then I write down a list of things I want to happen in each of the acts. For instance, in the roommate scenario I discussed earlier, I'd ask myself the questions, why are the characters enemies? What prompts them to have the first conversation is something more than enemies? How do they transition from enemies to reluctant friends? What prevents them from acknowledging their feelings? I've cut out the answers she provided to these questions, but I think it's so evident that she's going through this like basic narrative line of questioning in Bride, where I really don't think she was that much in the love hypothesis.

Bridget

And it's actually like so endearing that she's reading craft books and I figure out how to craft her writing skill. I love that. And I think it shows. Check and mate was released in 2023, and I think that's the best of the ones in the past. And I think you can tell, you can tell that she's getting better in every book. Good on you. Yeah. I also like about her that she is very upfront about what kind of things that she writes. She said in the same podcast episode that she writes pretty tropey stuff. So she has a real rom-com writing style. She's not out here trying to change the world. She's just trying to write romantic comedy.

Laura

And again, I think that comes with honing her craft because I think I really struggled with the love hypothesis. It might have been obvious to some, it was not obvious to me at all if this was meant to be a cheeky kind of like poking fun at the genre type book, or if it was just a bit of a hot mess. Whereas I think with my experience of Bride, I feel like it was very obviously like quite referential to the genre. I found it more obvious when it was making fun and when it wasn't.

Bridget

The funny thing about the love hypothesis is like it wasn't very good, but the colossal success is pretty staggering. So it was released in September 2021. A second printing was ordered less than 24 hours after the book went on sale. It was an instant New York Times USA Today bestseller. It was on all the bestseller lists. It was a book of the month selection at Apple, an Amazon best of the month book. And film rights were also picked up pretty early on in the release. Whoa. It would be interesting to see how her success has tracked with the release of each book. I did hear a lot about this book when it was first released, but I don't see too many people reading it often and talking about it. But I also might put that down to the fact that my algorithm wouldn't show me this review.

Laura

Yeah, likewise, I saw a bit about it when it came out, and I saw, yeah, surprisingly positive reviews, but from there it just hasn't really persisted in any of my feed. We're probably on the same algorithm. Yeah. Kind of similar to when we read The Hating Game. I'm looking at the reviews, I'm looking at the one stars, I'm looking at the five stars, and I'm seeing the criticisms being made in the one-star reviews and the outrage, the disgust. Everybody's up in arms about the knotting, everybody's up in arms about like it's a marriage of convenience, it's not enemies to lovers, misery's boring, low's stupid, whatever it is. And I'm looking at it and I'm like, yeah, it's not that serious. Yeah. And it's just so funny because I have so often been on the other side, like deeply in that outrage. And now I feel so smug, I'm on the other side and I'm like, guys, touch grass. It's just a silly groofy book. It's not that serious. But I do think there's also a difference. I don't think there's like mishandled serious themes in this book, which is probably a major instigator for me feeling outraged when a bad book is getting good reviews. Like Hannah Grace, where there are actual very serious, meaningful plot lines like, you know, eating disorders and emotional abuse. I don't think there's really anything like that happening in this book.

Bridget

I also read a little bit about how she wrote these two characters, Misery and Lowe, and she said that she wanted these two people to have reasons to kind of be distrustful of each other, and she wanted them to be attracted to each other at the same time. She wanted them to have big differences, but also small cultural differences that would make it fun for them to understand each other, reconcile that, and then eventually fall in love. She had fun writing about vampires and werewolves because the law surrounding these species, it changes depending on what series or what book or what media you're consuming. And you can do whatever you want because it's not real, which I think ties into what we were just talking about. Like it's a little bit less serious when, you know, we're discussing the politics between the vampires, the werewolves, and the humans for the last 300 years. And she also said that she just loves the idea of being able to take something that she loves and just add something in as a detail because she's not constrained by actual science. With her scientific background, her academic scientific background, that would be a bit of a roadblock for you if you're trying to be imaginative. You think, well, hang on, that doesn't work. Yeah. Like Stephanie Meyer doesn't have any of those constrictions. It's like she'll just do whatever she wants. But I think Ellie Hazelwood probably has like that knowledge, and she's like, Well, I can't make them do this because that doesn't work like that. But when they're made up, you can do whatever you want.

Laura

Yeah, the pigment's gone. It's in my book.

Bridget

So I just like how she sort of removed these restrictions for herself. She's just made a fun, interesting, entertaining book.

Laura

Yeah, I agree. I actually am so shocked because one of my first notes was like, ew, modern fantasy. Yeah. And I was fully prepared to hate it, and then it just never hit me.

Bridget

Same. I was like, I love that they have phones. I love that they're Googling. I love that the kid is gonna go and play Grand Theft Auto.

Laura

Yeah. Why? I know. I feel sick in the head. What's wrong with us? A couple of our listeners did say, Bride is fun, you're gonna have fun. And I was like, please stop telling me that. I don't want to have to let you down. Like, I was getting so stressed because I just I hate so much. Like, it's a part of the show that I sometimes feel a bit uncomfortable with. I hope that we are fair in our assessments of these books, and I hope that we give like appropriate like caveats and leverage to both sides. But it does feel like so shit when you're like, we're gonna be reading this book, and people message and they're excited and they're like, I loved it, it's my favorite book, and you already have this feeling of like, oh shit. Well, maybe don't listen to this episode. Please to report, it was good.

Bridget

We have actually had feedback before that like people disagreed with us, but they said that they still, you know, understood where we were coming from, still enjoyed the episode. And I just hope that we never come across as like super preachy or like super, I don't know, snobby about these books. But I mean, the track record is getting more positive.

Laura

Yeah. And I think that has actually been a journey of doing the show because, like we have been saying recently, this is a podcast for recovering book snobs. The book snobs are us. Yes. And I think this is the journey I've been on myself, and I think it's kind of playing out in real time on the show.

Bridget

Yeah, it's so intriguing. Another thing that I was shocked that I liked that I in the past have like been poo-pooing, disgusted by is the existence of an alpha male. And at no point I was like, ew. He's so misogynistic. He just thinks he's a control of everything. Like he controls it. I never thought that once. I was into it.

Laura

I liked him. I liked him too. I 99% liked him. Or maybe bump it down to 90. There are a couple of things where I was like, mmm, okay.

Bridget

This is a quote from Ali Hazelwood. It was from the same podcast. And she said, I would say it depends on what alpha male means to you. For me, I know that there is a lot of literature that being an alpha male means that you're ordering people around and deciding what happens in their relationship and sort of like treating women like they are more of an object. But for me, the reason I wanted Lowe to be an alpha, like he needed to be an alpha because he needed to be the leader of his pack, because that was how I was able to, you know, make his marriage of convenience to misery possible. But it's interesting. The idea of the alpha male is that he's someone who's powerful. And for me, being powerful also means being confident. And to me, a confident person doesn't act all jealous and doesn't tell others what they can or cannot do. It's just not something that I think is inherently attractive. That's not the type of alpha male that I particularly enjoy writing. It's about what I enjoy writing and what I find actually attractive. I don't even think about it too much. I find a guy who's trying to order around someone just kind of ridiculous personally. And once again, hit the nail on the head.

Laura

I'm like, I have whiplash. I don't understand. Yes, Allie. Yes, she's so right. I'm in love with you, Allie. Oh my god. Oh, I'm so humbled right now. I agree with this because I kind of went in. So for once I did reread the blurb. I went in thinking he was meant to be like ruthless and terrifying. But then when I read the blurb again, it was like wares are ruthless and unpredictable. Lowe is no exception. He rules his pack with absolute authority, but not without justice. And unlike the Vampire Council, not without feeling. And like when you actually read that, it's not like he kills everyone in his path and he's terrifying and he like slaughters children for fun, which is what I was sort of expecting him to be. I liked that he was soft and sensitive and rational and caring and empathetic. I loved at the same time that it wasn't dual POV. I didn't especially want to be in his head. Those little slices of his thoughts that you got at the start of the chapter, that was all I needed to hear.

Bridget

And see, this is one of the problems I had with the audiobook because the audiobook hired a man to read those books. And it was not good. But it was that was one of the problems.

Laura

Down with men. What is this in my ears?

Bridget

Actually, this is the problem with the whole audiobook for me. I haven't even finished it yet. I'm gonna force myself to finish it. But in my head, misery was so funny. The way that I was like reading her voice, she was hilarious. She was like flippant, she was sarcastic, she was just funny. But the way that the narrator phrased like interpreted her words was just so painful. Like millennial buzzfeed, like all that stuff that we always talk about. Pumpkin spice, shit, doggo, toe beans. I just really dislike that particular accent when it's reading words like this line, for example, I don't know enough about the wares to get offended on their behalf, is funny. Like that's a funny line when you just read it on the page. But then in the audiobook, it would be like, I don't know enough about the wares to get offended on their behalf. Like it's just so stupid. Calm down with the pizzazz, please. It's too much pizzazz, it's exactly what it is, and it's too much like I did a thing. I kissed a werewolf. Like it's but the the men also like the starts of the um chapters. When I was reading it, I was like, oh, I really like this. Like I think it's cute. But then that's what the vibe was like in the audiobook. And I just some nights when he's walking past her door, he has to whisper to himself, keep going. Yeah, and I hate that. But on the page, love it. This marriage, it's gonna be a problem. She is gonna be a problem. Being gone is a relief in sheer agony. It's really giving Jacob like life sucks, and then you die. Well, he feels like the entire world is in the palm of his hand, coming soon to cinemas near you. She distracts him. His feelings for her, they distract him.

Laura

Just shut up. I do agree with you about the audiobook. It was not at all on the level of what the hell is that book called? Good girl's guide, don't know that. It was no. There's nothing worse than thank god a jiffy. I can't remember what the accent was. I think I got a bit goblin-ish. But I yeah, I a thousand percent. I do understand. I'm glad that I read it first. Same an actual eyes on the page book. I wrote my notes before.

Bridget

I agree that misery was very funny. I mean, I have so many notes. Like one of my sections is just lol. And there's like 10 different quotes that I thought were so funny that I had to immortalize in my notes. Like one of them, no amount of legal tender would convince me to is it $10 billion? Like another one on page 86, we're all bad bitches till a scowling wear stands outside the bathroom door while we're washing our hair. Yeah. Like she's just so like like melancholy, but not in a poor me way. It's just like, well, I'm just living on this earth until I die. That's the way I read it. And I and I do love that sort of vibe. I also just found that Misery dealt with the intense, intimate, and just frankly weird moments, like when he had to mark her uh the same way that I would. And she said, I deal with it the only way I can, laughing. Like she's making jokes, she's just trying to diffuse the tension of this weird situation. And it's really refreshing to see a character act like this after reading so many books where the stakes are always the highest, always so dramatic, and it's like their bosoms are heaving. And she's just like, Are you gonna give me a wet willy? Yeah, it's just so dumb. But I found it like quite realistic. Another thing was on page 183 when they when they were getting into the plane, and she said, Honey, are we rich? Yeah, it's just so funny. But then in the audiobook, like the that tone was just all wrong for me, and I just didn't find it funny at all.

Laura

I think she was very funny, and I also think that she was a real badass. Like, I don't think I've almost ever read a book where reviews or blurbs tell you Misery Lark is a badass vampire or whatever, and it actually carries through. But there was a line she had at the end that was so cold after her father has betrayed her and is like locked up. Lo says, You still haven't told me what you'd like me to do with your father. Misery says, I don't care. I leave it to you two. I gripped the door handle, still feeling his heat in my fingers. Without turning, I add, unless the need arises, feel free to never tell me what you settle on. Oof. Cold. Cold. And that the hand on the door handle? Yeah. It's like an afterthought. Yeah. You may go.

Bridget

That kind of vibe. I also liked that she was hot. She knew that she was hot. She wasn't ever thinking, like, I'm not good enough for him. He's so handsome and I'm so ugly. We don't have to do any of that. Thank God she didn't have a chip on her shoulder.

Laura

I also liked that although in this universe vampires and wares weren't like equally matched, you know, like as we saw in Twilight, you know, who will win in a fight? The vampires have impenetrable skin and werewolves so it can like rip you to shreds. It didn't really seem like vampires were that indestructible in this universe. And because she had spent so much time living outside of her own society, she wasn't even particularly vampiric, vampiric. I don't know uh why I chose to use that word, but unfortunately I did. But what I liked was that she was useful in other ways. Her practical human skills of like hacking and coding and like, you know, understanding how to use the internet. It was like, yeah, this is actually useful. Like people ought to know. I wish that we got to see more of that, and I wish that it didn't get offloaded to that werewolf guy. It would have been cool to see her be a bit more useful there. And I liked that she had a tangible skill that is honestly, maybe it's because I teach like digital literacy day in, day out, and I watch people like not know what Google is and not know how to use a search bar and like what keywords are, but her walking low through his tech illiteracy was like this is good. You have a lot to offer, misery. You have a lot to offer. Although I found her smarter and funnier than I could ever have thought possible. I'm still disbelieving that Ali Hazelwood found a way of writing a female character that had never been kissed and was still somehow a virgin.

Bridget

I will say that it made a lot more sense in this than it did in the love hypothesis. Yes. That is a good point. That's her studying coming into play as well. Like she's thought about it. She thought about why is this girl gonna be a virgin? I have an idea. It checks out.

Laura

Hmm. How can I have a tall character that's still a small girl? Got it. Make him huge. Make him a literal wolf.

Bridget

Before I started reading, I did set up a little game for myself, which was a game that I called Ali Bingo. And I thought that I would sort of brainstorm the five cornerstones of the Ali Hazelwood universe. So I thought science, consent, birth control, virginity, small girl, big man.

Laura

That is so good.

Bridget

I will say that by page 282, I had got the full house.

Laura

That's so funny. Of a 396-page book.

Bridget

Yeah. Some of them I got multiple ticks. So first of all, we had science. A lot of these things had multiple examples, but I just tried to pick the ones that were most annoying to me. So on page 39, she says, the thing is, humans and wares and vampires might be different species, but we're closely related. What sets us apart has less to do with the occult and more with spontaneous genetic mutations thousands of years down the line. And of course, the values we developed in response, a loss of a purine base here, a repositioning of a hydrogen atom there, and ta da. Vampires feed exclusively on blood, a wimp with the sun, and are constantly on edge. So I thought hopefully this is the end of the science shit. And to be fair, there wasn't that much. No. Like we had some shit about the windows, we had some shit when Anna was sick. But other than that, minimal science shit, which is the way I like it.

Laura

Yeah.

Bridget

Secondly, on page 47, I got to tick off my small girl, Big Man. And amazingly, she's not the smallest girl in the world, but as we just discussed, of course, he is the biggest. Although, to be fair, he is the alpha. It's true.

Laura

So our alley. Sorry, guys.

Bridget

Then on 82, I got to tick off the virginity part of my bingo card. And she said, which I thought, again, was quite funny. By all means then, let's embrace tradition. Should we slice my palm and drip some blood on the sheets? Hang them from the public square. His eyes close briefly and he grits out, I doubt there are any expectations of virginity on your part. Fantastic. I love surprising people. It's a great way to set it up. It makes sense. She is abhorred by the vampire people because she's a traitor, but she's not a human. Obviously, she's not a werewolf. She doesn't have anywhere to fit in. She has one person that she likes, like who she meant to have slept with. She's got us. She's got us by the plot. Good job, Allie!

Laura

What do you need to do?

Bridget

Then on page 188, among other times, we had the consent check before he marked her. He said, Misery. I draw it back to him at the command in his voice. There's an angry V between his brows. I need your explicit consent. Do I have your permission? He did say this quite often.

Laura

And again, I thought I know I shouldn't turn my nose up at basically any mention of consent in books, but it did feel a lot more organic. And I think, like, one, because of the way that it was written. I think it was just a bit more sort of conversationally or logically written, but it does also. Potentially have something to do with the fact that, like, yeah, that could be aware tradition. I mean it's sad that the logic has to make more sense in a fantasy world, but it sort of did to me to a degree.

Bridget

The last one that got me the bingo was the condom conversation on page 282, and she says Lo makes a stupefied sound. Condom, I gasp. Not something vampires ever use, but maybe wares do. Do you have one? He goes back for one last nilbo before turning me around. No. Then they go on and he she talks about him. But do you want to use something? We don't need to. I will say I was a bit confused by this conversation. I didn't know about knotting. I think when the book first came out, I had heard a little bit about it, but I knew that I would read it at some point either for the podcast or because I'm the biggest Ali Hazelwood stand in the world, apparently. But I sort of wanted to keep it fresh for my reaction while reading. So I didn't really know what it was, but I was a bit confused about like the condom conversation. I think as she was, and I think that's how it was meant to be written. Like she was like, wait, what? Like, what do you mean? I was a bit confused by it too. And once again, she's got us by the plot. Good job. So thanks, Ali. I I got bingo. I won a $50 voucher to the local garden center.

Laura

That's such a good bingo. Oh my god. I also had kind of heard of knotting in association with this book. It was the only time I'd heard of knotting. I'd never heard of it before that point. And like you wanted to keep it fresh. But I read it and was still a bit like, I don't really understand what happened. And I had the mortifying experience of looking up on my phone, I will add, looking up like noting explained, or what is knotting or something, and then realizing I was connected to the work Wi-Fi. Just being like, oh please scouts, I meant girl guides. Please nobody be monitoring this. What about Lowe? Did you like him as much as you liked Misery?

Bridget

I think I liked Misery more, but I really liked him. I thought he was nice, he was a nice brother, he seems to be a good leader, he seems to be rational. I like that he can tell when people are being honest. Where it sort of fell apart for me in the reading experience was after they went to visit Governor Davenport. So they go back to her apartment and get it on for a little bit, and then she somehow realizes side note, I don't know how she didn't realise before this point, but somehow realizes that she is his mate, and she's like, Well, this sort of explains it because I have like these feelings towards you, and like you smell different to me, and I'm not really sure what it is, but I think I know what's going on here. And he just immediately shuts down, rejects her, and then that's it. And that's when she gets taken to her father, and like all that shit happens at the end, but I just felt like that wasn't really where I thought the story should have gone. It didn't make any sense to me.

Laura

I just like why did that happen? A hundred percent agreement with you. That's the exact point where I was like, oh, what? Hang on. Because it didn't really make any sense for him to be rejecting her. And I think later on he explains that he was pushing her away because he didn't want her to feel beholden to him, and he wanted her to have a choice about like who her mate was, or didn't want to, because you know, misery's this character that's been the collateral. She's always like put others before herself or put duty before herself, and like once again was doing that in like agreeing to this marriage of convenience or um even in like going to look for her bestie Serena, who she we haven't addressed this, but she thinks Serena is behind werewolf lines. But he's like, Yeah, I just I didn't want to make another choice for you. But like in doing so, he did, and it just made no sense.

Bridget

It also doesn't make any sense because she has made the choice free of any intervention on his part. She's not beholden to any otherworldly tug or pull or anything like that. Like she has come to this realization herself. She's like, This is my choice, and he's like, uh-uh-uh. Not allowed. It just didn't feel right to me at all.

Laura

And also to have this extremely intimate moment. I mean, they're not having your run-of-the-mill sexual encounter. And this is also one of a handful now of sexual encounters she's had. And to have that, like, yeah, very emotional, intimate moment, and then to reject someone is pretty foul behaviour. So that was a black mark against his name.

Bridget

It was a real Edward Cullen at the beginning of New Moon moment.

Laura

There were a couple of points throughout this book where I was like, is this a dig at Twilight? Like, there was a section where he was explaining the mating bond. And Misery said something to the effect of like, oh, that doesn't seem fair to form this connection with someone who has no say in it. And he was like, Um, we're not animals, it's completely one-sided, like we don't act on it, blah blah blah. And I was like, hmm.

Bridget

Well, I had another quick little link to Twilight. The very first thing that struck me when I first opened my copy was that the font appeared to be almost identical to the font in Twilight. And I did so much research to try to find just how closely related the two fonts are. I found on the Reddit Find a font that the font that the Twilight series is written in is Garamond3LT standard, thanks to Lucky underscore P underscore 2005. But unfortunately, no one at the time of recording had answered my pleas to find the bride font. I did post on Reddit.

Laura

We need to you did tell me that you were on Reddit in a not very active.

Bridget

Well, it's not active, I can continue to confirm that.

Laura

I was like, someone will definitely reply to you with no information, but yeah, now I I now see you're not getting an answer.

Bridget

I studied the two quite closely. I tried to use AI, I tried so many different things. Didn't really give me the answer that I wanted. I could see very small differences, like the W's were intertwined differently, but it did hit me the second I opened it. But the more I look at it now, it does seem less similar.

Laura

Another thing that's kind of tied to the design of the book is the cover design. Unfortunately, this did have a negative impact on my reading of Lowe because misery is portrayed as a vampire, but then there's just this like large, shapeless wolf in the background. What is going on with his eyes? Glowing eyes, two little eggs. I hate them. And like there's no shape. There's no shape, there's no pupils. If he's a hot man, please just put a hot man on the cover because I unfortunately did spend a lot of time battling against my worst instinct to picture him as a dog at all times, like or a wolf.

Bridget

Yes. I also had to battle against the fact that he had a buzz cut.

Laura

Yeah, I read it, ignored it. Also, green blood, yuck. Weird. And I thought like maybe this was a thing, so I did Google dog's green blood, and it gave me like a bunch of diseases that I did not care to know more about.

Bridget

It does feel like he's sick. Just the thing about the dog, or the werewolf, I guess. I do have to say that on page 252, when she's in her cupboard and he comes in after she's woken up from being quite ill, um, and he's still in his wolf form and she's patting him. I thought that was so much more lovely than any scene in I guess eclipse when Bella was interacting with Jacob, like when she was patting him when they were in the clearing watching the where uh the vampires train for the newborn army. That just creeped me out in eclipse. Like I just don't touch him, like gross. Yeah, she's meant to be with Edward anyway.

Laura

Yeah, and also it's like it's just so many layers of like no thanks. It's like this 16-year-old boy who's like made so many unwanted sexual advances on you, is so certain you're gonna fall in love with him, transforms into a dog. There's the element that you know he's naked now because all of his clothes ripped off. That's true, and you're touching him, and he's like, I don't know, liking it.

Bridget

And Edward has to stand there and listen to Jacob's thoughts. And then the rest of also like quite embarrassing for him to be in front of the rest of his family when she's there, like Jacob, don't lick me in that tickles. Like he'll I hate that whole scene, but this one I really liked. I thought it was like quite nice when they when she was like scratching him and he fell asleep. And I don't know, maybe there's something wrong with me, but I did like that. Nah, again, I was also like, not bad. I think in general, the werewolf behaviour I was not into like the sniffing at the wedding, not into that. I was like, what are you doing? Why are you pitting her to the altar? Like this is weird. Can you not control yourself? Like I thought this book was gonna be way different than what it turned out to be. I was disgusted by that. When he started talking about the marking, I really, really thought that he was gonna piss on her. And I thought if he's gonna piss on you, I'm gonna scream.

Laura

Like, this is awful. I actually didn't think of that at all, but yeah, that makes too much sense. And I honestly wouldn't have been surprised to find that in this book. No. I was pretty perplexed when Juno came running out of the woods naked and then was like sitting next to Misery naked, and I guess it's because her clothes fell off or ripped off, or she just wasn't wearing any because she was had like transformed as a wolf, but it was just like never addressed. It was weird. But then I did like at the end of the book when they transformed in that room with her dad and Vanya and whatever. Afterwards, one of the other werewolves was like, What did you think happened? Did you think that the clothes ripped off and we had like a little werewolf like bow tie on or something?

Bridget

I have one last question about the werewolves, and that is Did we ever get confirmation on why he needs to eat her out after she came? Is that just because he's so turned on that he can't help it, or is it a werewolf thing? Like he's he's compulsed, like it's a compulsion. No, I don't believe we ever got an answer. While we're down in the gutter I just have to bring up the fact that you said at the start of this episode that I needed to be careful because we weren't we want to not have an explicit rating where possible.

Laura

Okay, well for this episode you said that. Anyway, keep going. It's fine, we can cut this out, but I just one of my notes that I uncovered from last night, like you know, 20 past 12, burning the midnight oil, summarizing my thoughts. I wrote and don't really get why he was rejecting her question mark, question mark, question mark. Was it because he was so terrified of his cum pumping pipe? And then I wrote brackets picturing one of those big cement truck things, clothes brackets. It's a good question. You know what? We might talk about it more, but like I could care less about the nodding. I was like, okay, this this is happening, whatever, but then the line that got me was at the end when she was like, then we settled in for the long haul. I was like, oh no. Jesus. I don't think we net really need to keep this in as well, but there was something like some logistics that I just could not just like trying to visualize this, it takes very little, just a few thrusts through my folds, but we're on the brink. The blunt head of his cock is bumping against my clit, but it's already gone through the folds. Unless it's like how hot dog situation. How dense are her folds? And then it says, and when he pulls back out of the folds, it's caught against her entrance, so he pulls back like what shape is his penis? How is the head of his penis in the folds? In the folds, but also touching her clit, and then back. It's just like Ali gonna need someone to run their eyes over this one because again, I might gross myself out too much to include this in the episode, but just like he did really start to gross me out in the end when he was like, You're so warm inside, so wet, just for my knot. That's like, oh just quickly moving past it. When he's talking about like biting her, and then he's like, You'll wear your hair up, and people will see it, and they will know that I took my beautiful vampire bride the way wolves do, and that she loved it. And you will be good for me and let me, won't you? Calm down. I've blocked all that out from all down. Please, please. I was almost respecting you. Allie has also redeemed herself with a female friendship in this book. After the absolute atrocity that was Anne and Olive in the love hypothesis, alleged besties who do not speak, do not communicate. I was shocked to find that I yeah, I didn't hate this friendship, but I really liked it. I liked the character of Serena. I actually was quite shocked by that plot twist as well, which was good because there was absolutely no mystery about like what events would unfold in the plot up to that point, like the mate thing, you know, all the betrayals, like blah blah. That was expected. But the Serena thing caught me off guard.

Bridget

So often we have the criticism that all of the characters are just like carbon copies of one another, but I think there was enough difference between the two, their personalities were fleshed out. Like we knew that they were different, which is so nice to read once again.

Laura

Yeah, and again, Ali had us by the plot because at the end, when Serena says, you know, I like I've grown up with you my whole life, hearing about how gross werewolves are and like how much you hate them and blah blah. Got us by the plot again. That makes perfect sense. Once again.

Bridget

I thought it was funny when they were sort of being held captive together. She asked Serena what she's been doing, and she's like, Oh, I've been reading, but the books here are shit. I'm always here for catcher in the Rice Lander.

Laura

Yeah, same.

Bridget

But I also liked how they got out of that situation, like it wasn't like you hold the door and I'll get the guards. Like it was full of mistakes and it was a bit clumsy, and when they got out, they were like, What the hell do we do now? It seemed realistic once again.

Laura

All of the other characters were pretty forgettable for me, but I will say again, extremely shocked to find myself not hating a child character. Although I will say, I do think a seven-year-old should be able to say misery.

Bridget

I had the same thing about most of her dialogue.

Laura

I liked her existence. I think I like the plot with the half wares, half humans, the political stuff between the wares and the vampires, but I do feel probably the number one thing that let me down in this book was that it was a bit maybe unclear about what it wanted to focus on, because it I don't think it did the mystery around Serena's disappearance extremely well. I think they probably could have been more focused on Serena's disappearance. It was just sort of like misery kept forgetting that Serena was missing because she kept having sex with Lo. And like it was never really up for debate whether they were going to be together. They were always gonna be mates. It was so obvious from the start that he was gonna be attracted to her, in love with her, whatever, that I don't think it would have hurt to draw that out longer, focus less on the sex. It would have been fun to see a marriage of convenience that was more them working together than just like sleeping together.

Bridget

I did enjoy when they went to visit the old Alpha's widow, and I thought that was like an interesting dynamic between the two of them. Like there was still that sexual tension there. They hadn't resolved any of that yet, but they had plans. They were doing like espionage, undercover work. I thought the scene where they were about to be caught in her office, and he was like, quick bite me, feed on me. I thought that was great, like a great way to keep that tension going, but also keep working together. But then it sort of fell apart a little bit after that because they just couldn't stay away from each other. So I would have liked it if that could have continued on for a little bit longer before they just started being all like lovey-dovey. But I guess she was like poison and she did nearly die. So that sort of had to put a stop to that. Yeah, that's true. I guess. The only other character that I sort of want to talk about quickly is Owen. Because how come her name is Misery, which is like maximum levels of whack, and then his name is Owen, which is maximum levels of boring. How does that happen? And like we did get that little brief explanation about how the council chose misery's name, but Owen, are you kidding me?

Laura

I am so happy you brought this up because it was in my notes and I just glossed over it. But I saw a review where someone was saying, like, how do people not have secondhand embarrassment from reading a book where the characters are named Misery and Low? And this is something I was speaking to you about recently that, like, that's sort of an automatic do not pick up for me if I see a character with an unusual name like Scout or like Griff or something like that. I'm like, nah, yuck. Didn't have that here. The reaction was to the name Owen, like it's like awful. Like Xavier, like Owen.

Bridget

I did actually have a reaction to misery. I just remembered. So I did my favorite thing and recorded a voice message because normally if I was reading a book and I had this kind of reaction, I would send a voice message to you. But because we're like, keep it secret until recording, I can't, so I have to get it out in some way. So this is what happened. I just read the boom as I was about to start reading, and this is literally what I did. I was doing it out loud to see how many hard words it's gonna be when it comes time to read the synopsis. I went, misery luck. It is awful. And it just really thought that I was gonna be reading a different kind of book. I thought I was gonna be reading like Hi Fair Jesse. Yeah. But I was pleasantly surprised.

Laura

It is weird, like the names don't match the characters or the setting or each other. It's weird. But is that the point? I don't know. Who knows?

Bridget

I just remembered one more thing that really, really disgusted me, and I could not handle the fang talk. And I might throw up when I say this, so sorry in advance. But when she said that she used a cheese grater on her fangs, that made me want to shrivel up and die because she had seizures.

Laura

Oh, it's awful.

Bridget

And I hate it, and I don't oh, I don't want to hear about the fangs. There is a sequel coming out. I don't want any more fang talk. No. Even the feeding talk grossed me out quite a bit. I don't want to hear about teeth piercing skin. I don't want to hear about blood. The word suckling.

Laura

I don't want that. I did hear the word glance more times than I cared to as well. Thumping and pumping and buzzing and flowing. I really couldn't get around it as well. And I think that was sort of like my sentiment at the end of the book, where they were knotting and sucking blood at the same time.

Bridget

I was really like And then like add into that the biting that is sure to come as well. I'm like putrid.

Laura

I mean respectfully putrid.

Bridget

We don't yug someone else's yum, but this is fictional, so we can.

Laura

Oh my she's got us by the plot. We can. I mean, I was eager to know more about knotting, and we had a very narrow range of requests for what to talk about when it came to this book. It was exclusively knotting. And like, yes, on a level I'm horrified, and on another level I simply don't care. But for those who up until the end of this episode will have had no idea what the heck we're talking about, here is an explainer from Wattpad. How do knots work? A knot is when the base of an alpha's penis, or in a female's case, engorged clitoris, swells and locks into an omega's uterus. Basically, when they're about to come, blood flows to the base to lock them in and they're stuck until the blood moves on or they're completely finished.

Bridget

I was looking on AO3 to see if I could find any fan fiction that sort of expanded on this knotting phenomenon in these books. And I did read one where he explained that to her, pretty much what you just said, and she was like, wait, I had a great idea. It was like an alternate universe where he didn't not. And when he was about to knot, she started feeding and took the blood away from the knot. So then they were able to have like normal people sex.

Laura

And I thought, why? Why did you write this? Like I love this universe, but goddamn, am I repulsed by it? So funny.

Bridget

Okay, so we are about to open a hand-drawn diagram. Wow, this is incredibly detailed. It looks like somebody's biology homework.

Laura

I think the concept of it latching onto the uterus is where they really lose me because I can kind of picture it going into like a vaginal canal, getting, what was it? Bulbous glandis and like just being too chunked to come back out. But the uterus thing is really lost on me.

Bridget

That was from Liminal Kitty369 on X. Thank you. Didn't help me though.

Laura

Maybe this will help us. The unofficial guide to the Omega Verse on Wattpad, the ins and outs of knots and knotting. This post by Velville Yami on the unofficial guide to the Omega Verse says Knots are usually found in canid species. This is usually a tissue attached to the shaft of the canine and is what ties two canines together during mating. This is to ensure the mate catches the sperm and is usually kept strictly inside the mate. The knot itself is a tissue that swells during intercourse and is filled with the fluid that ensures it stays swelled. When this occurs it is called tying or knotting. It is usually fully swelled when an alpha is close to climax and then it is shoved into a mate, subsequently tying or knotting. When the knot is fully shoved into the cavity of an omega, it becomes essentially locked inside. This is due in part to the muscles of the anus or vaginal cavity clamping down on it from pleasure and the knot being abruptly shoved in. Violent. Essentially the body can't adjust nor resize slash shape in time to easily release the knot. Once the knot is in, it usually stays in for 30 minutes, an hour or longer. This part is up to the writer. However, during this part, the shaft is able to release sperm into the body without any seeping out. The amount released during this time is up to the writer. And if they want to specify the amount released, or if they want to exaggerate the amount released, that's totally up to them.

Bridget

We are learning a lot today. I don't know if the word is interesting, but I didn't expect to be more interested by it. I sort of just thought, okay, that happened. And then I moved on.

Laura

I kind of thought it was gonna be like some sort of pack, like a like a rat king, but for like a what? Rat a rat king. What do you mean? Like when all the rats latch together and form the rat king.

Bridget

I don't know what you're talking about.

Laura

Is this a real thing that happens? I don't know. I'm actually unclear. Let's Google. Jesus, it's real. Laura's lost her mind. A rat king is a collection of rats or mice whose tails are intertwined and bound together in some way. This could be the result of an entangling material like a sticky substance, such as sap or gum, or the tails being tied together. Originally comes from a German term, Ratten König. Oh, I hate this. Oh, I've just googled it. Oh, yeah! It was translated into French Roy de rats. That's awful.

Bridget

That's worse than nodding.

Laura

Well, that's what I thought it would be. I thought it would kind of be like a rat king, but with penises and misery would be in the middle of it all.

Bridget

So you thought there would be multiple peena?

Laura

Yeah, I believe that's the difficult.

Bridget

Like from multiple people or had more than one.

Laura

No, I thought from multiple people. I thought it would be like, yeah, you gotta deal with the whole pack.

Bridget

I thought it would there would be like long, like spindly fingers or something, like reaching in and grasping. I don't really know what I thought. Anyway, really glad we've unraveled all these knots for today.

Laura

A rat king found in 1930. Displayed in the Otago Museum in Dunedin was composed of immature black rats whose tails were entangled by wolves. It's actually just running through all of the rat kings that have been found through history and where they are.

Bridget

A little more than a month ago, Allie announced via her Instagram stories that she has turned in the draft of the bride sequel. What are you hoping it this covers?

Laura

I am not hoping for a sequel. It's probably the long and short answer. I'm assuming it will cover Serena and that random wolf.

Bridget

You're right, yeah. Which is so unfortunate because if we do have to have a sequel, I don't know, why can't we have something just with low and misery doing something exciting? If we have to have one at all. But yeah, it is Serena and Cohen's story, which is always very upsetting to me.

Laura

Careful there, Allie. You're heading down a very dangerous path.

Bridget

That was one of the main problems I had with the collection of novellas because they were all like loosely linked. There were three tiny girls that all got with massive men, and the three tiny girls were besties. And I just we've talked about this so much, but I just think it's so cheap. I don't really care about anyone else.

Laura

I feel like we're leaving less mystery than ever before. But if you could answer the question, who is your favorite character, who would it be?

Bridget

I think misery, which is a shocking twist.

Laura

I agreed. That's great. In an Allie Hazelwood novel, not hating a female protagonist, picking her as a favorite character, like never in any universe would I have believed it.

Bridget

It is a privilege and honor to be able to say these words, but we are not misogynists, and it is confirmed.

Laura

Allie, you have truly fed us humble pie today, and we are so thankful.

Bridget

I think we need to give her a round of applause because compared to the feelings at the end of the episode of the love hypothesis, we're on cloud nine at the moment.

Laura

I'm dizzy.

Bridget

Laura, you were ready to like pack it all in, like sell everything you own, disappear into the forest. I'm moving it. But this is this is great. Like, we're not gonna read the sequel. I'm pretty sure I won't read that. But I will read the book that comes out next year because this has left me with nothing but like optimism. Fantastic.

Laura

Who was your least favorite character, Laura? To be honest, nobody's really jumping out at me, but I think probably my least favorite character would probably just be her father because he was, I mean, obviously a bad man, but also participated in one of the worst elements of the book, um, which was just that kind of like exposition info dumping at the end when it was like, and the best part of my plan, and no one could stop me, like blah, blah, blah. So that was like probably the worst element there.

Bridget

Like you, I no one's really jumping out of me, but Juno, I think, was quite antagonistic, but I did like how she came and apologized. Um, nipples out. So maybe, I don't know. I've just yeah, I've probably her, but not many negative thoughts about her.

Laura

Now it's time for us to tie the knot on this episode. The final question we need to answer Do you rate this book, Bridget? Lit or shit? I rate it lit. What do you rate it, Laura? I rate it lit. What a surprise.

Bridget

Crazy.

Laura

Crazy. I need to lie down. Yeah.

Bridget

This has taken it out of me in a way I didn't expect. By the powers vested in me, I now pronounce this episode over. But our next bonus chapter and final episode for the year will be continuing the vampire theme by reading Life and Death by Stephanie Meyer. Make sure you subscribe to the show, and if you want to be on the same page as us, follow us at talklit.get on Instagram and TikTok.