Plot Twists and Personal Growth: A Conversation with Expert Kala Simmons [413]

Ever felt like life has handed you a plot twist that you didn't sign up for? Are you grappling with starting over in your career, love life, or personal relationships? Well, you've hit the right spot! We've got Kala Simmons, a certified master life coach and master level social worker, sharing her transformative journey from being emotionally charged to mastering her emotions. Through her compelling narrative, she shines a light on the challenges of vulnerability and how setbacks can be powerful catalysts for growth and resilience. Kala's story is a testament to the power of lifelong learning and personal growth, and her experiences are sure to resonate with anyone seeking inspiration and guidance to turn their life around.

Connect with Kala in her free community here https://www.facebook.com/groups/833658400749794

More about Kala:
Kala Simmons is a Certified Master Life Coach and Master’s Level Social Worker. Her professional and academic track record are filled with over a decade of experience in mental health and social services with the largest portion of her expertise being in treatment planning and goal attainment. In addition to her formal education and training, Kala has experienced her own share of wins, losses, goal success, and starting over. After extensive therapy, coaching, and embarking on her own personal growth journey, Kala now guides other women, to identify their highest self, step into that power, and fearlessly pursue the life of their dreams.

OMNI is my full visibility system built for CEOs who want to grow online without living on their phone. If you’re ready to be truly seen, more strategic, and unmistakably in demand, head to check out OMNI at www.omniqueens.com 

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Transcript

Starting Over

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome back to the Visibility Impact Show. We have an amazing guest today who is a certified master life coach and master level social worker. Her professional and academic track record are filled with over a decade of experience in mental health and social services, with the largest portion of her expertise being in treatment planning and goal attainment. She has been in my programs for most of 2023. She is such a go-getter, kayla Simmons. Welcome to the Visibility Impact Show.

Speaker 2 0:34

Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here with you today.

Speaker 1 0:38

So life coach. Tell me more Like how did this start? Like what got you interested in life coaching? I want to hear all the background and how you got where you are right now.

Speaker 2 0:52

Yeah, so I am a master's level social worker butchering and so of course I have met people across the lifespan with all kinds of issues, things. When you see a social worker, typically something's going on in your life, you need somebody, right. But I also have experienced a lot of ups and downs. I call myself the queen of fresh starts, and so in therapy and social work it is kind of frowned upon to share the things that you've been through, because the entire premise of the service is to help the other person. And in life coaching it's kind of like people come to you because they know that you've done it and so that's the whole thing. It's like, hey, girl, I can help you because I know. And so I decided that this was the best way for me to pour into people, to reach as many people as I could, and that by sharing and bearing my scars, I was able to help to heal others.

Speaker 1 1:47

How hard was that when you first started to talk about your scars? Because I know sometimes people have this thing about vulnerability is failure and that we're supposed to hide that part of us and only show the good parts.

Speaker 2 2:01

Oh girl, so hard. So hard because I come from a tiny little merry-go-round town where everything is perfect and I live in the perfect house with the perfect family and everything was good. And so when I started being really open about my failures and things that I had done, not only my friends but my family were like wait a minute, what are you doing? You're telling all of your secrets, you're airing out all your laundry, and I'm like people need to know that this happens to everyone. Like you can dot all the I's cross, all the T's and stuff can still fall off the wagon, and so it was really hard for me. But once I started doing it, it just opened the door for so many people to come into my community and to also seek help.

Speaker 1 2:43

That's so good. It's so funny because, as a man, my husband has always been like don't talk about this stuff. And they made them at work read was it Brene Brown's Dare to Lead? He was like vulnerabilities are like good. And I was like, yes, they are. I know you've been saying it, but this book and I'm like, yeah, okay, well, the professional says it, so now it's okay, but I'm not saucy about it, Not at all. So during this journey, obviously and to talk about your failures and talk about the vulnerability you've had a lot of setbacks. You've had a lot of, probably, breakdowns. So what helped you get through those types of things, to come back up on top, even though it might have been a rocky, getting back to where you wanted to be?

Speaker 2 3:37

Yes. So I come from a really large family. I have two boys that I adopted from therapeutic foster care, and then I have nieces and nephews out the wazoo like a ton and just knowing that they were watching me because we were totally in mesh. We do everything together and so it was. I may fall, but I cannot stay down Because in the event that they are in this situation, I want them to know, I need them to know, that everything's going to be okay, like you can start over whenever you want. But looking into their eyes, knowing that I was kind of like the, I was the benchmark, I was the cookie cutter, like they're like, whatever she does, I can do, and so I have fallen lots. It's kind of my thing, but getting back up on my feet has become a trademark that she won't stay down.

Speaker 1 4:25

Yeah, and one of the things that you talk about a lot that I think is so important for so many of us is personal growth. So where do you feel like your journey with personal growth really started?

Speaker 2 4:39

I think that my journey with personal growth probably started, I would have to say, after my first marriage ended, because up until that point, I had come from the perfect family and everything was good and everything was right and nothing had ever failed. So that was my first major quote failure, closed quote. And so after that it's like oh wait, kayla, there may be some things that you need to work on, and it would have been way easy for me to blame him and be like you did this, it's all your fault. But coming from that situation where I really took a step back, I could see all the ways where I could have also been different or I could have also been better, and so I think that's where my journey started, and I am a resilient, lifelong learner, like I love to learn, and so when I started working on myself, there's never really been a time since then that I haven't been like OK, how can I be better, how can I do more, how can I reach more people?

Speaker 1 5:33

I love that. Do you feel like there is obviously I call personal growth the unsexy work and like it's the stuff that you typically can't really. You're not really showing it right. You show it because of the growth that you've had, but, like, what was like the first thing that you did? Like for, did you invest? Did you read a book? Like, how did you really get into this and understand? This is personal growth. It's not really just mindset work and finding the silver lining and all of that stuff.

Speaker 2 6:08

Well, yes, because the first thing that I did was go to therapy. And I'm sitting in therapy and I'm on a rant, like a tangent, about how, all of these things. And my therapist says to me well, kayla, what role did you play? Like what, what was your responsibility in this? And that's the first time that I realize that accountability is going to take you a long way. And so, yes, I did. I dove in and I started reading books and I started doing all the things and really honestly, applying all of the things that I had learned in school to apply with my, my clients and my patients. I applied it to my life. I'm like, oh, this applies to everybody, yeah. So once I started doing that, I'm like, oh, these exercises actually work. This is not just something you tell someone to do, but that was my growth process. And this is just not school, this is actually application for life. And once I started to apply it for myself, I realized how much it works and how influential it can be.

Speaker 1 7:07

So true, so true. And like, can you like look back? I always call, like my previous self, baby Chrissy. Like do you look back in those days and thinking, oh honey, you had so much work to do?

Speaker 2 7:21

It's funny that you say that Because my nieces and nephews call me cakes and it's because when I was in school I was baby cakes and I went to college I came home and she just cakes. I'm like that unevolved Kayla is baby cakes because maybe she had work to do. I also can see where I was previously very emotionally charged and I am a high energy girl. But I can see why people felt like I was sensational and I was dramatic because I didn't know how to channel my emotions. I didn't know how to master that Like whatever I felt it's spewed out right away. But doing the personal growth, doing the development, like channeling and really reflecting, has taught me that everything that you say, everything you think, doesn't have to come out of your mouth and this isn't worth your entire day. It's taken work but I've gotten there.

Speaker 1 8:08

That's true. That's true. That's hard sometimes to not just let it all come out. So one of the things that you, I feel like, are the queen of, is starting over, and I think there are so many people like listening to this podcast that are maybe in a similar situation, where they feel like it's time to start over. It's time to have that breakthrough. What is like some of your best advice for those that are listening so my best advice for people for starting over is fear not.

Speaker 2 8:43

And I say that because we're always so afraid to start over. Because, like, what are people gonna think? What if I fail? What if this, what if that? And my answer for that is always what if you have to spend the rest of your life feeling the way you feel right now? So what is scarier? Never living out your dream, never getting a fresh opportunity, never going after what you want, or staying in this spot. And for me, staying in that stagnant spot, no matter where it is, that is way more scary than moving forward.

Speaker 1 9:14

So, so true, I agree with that. So okay, my next question is okay, starting over personal growth, what do you feel like what? How is that work in relation to growing a business? Because I personally believe if things are crappy in my own life, things are crappy everywhere, right? So how do we take that into? You know, obviously you work with people not necessarily they don't have to own a business, but you also own a business and you see people going through things that you know they own a business. It affects everything. So what's your like best advice for those that are also business owners, that are trying to push the personal things to the side and just move forward? But we know that that's not always. That's pretty much impossible, actually.

Speaker 2 10:05

Yeah, so I will. I often say that starting a business and running a business has been my greatest feat in personal growth, because it's impossible to do one without the other, and I have several clients who actually are also business owners. And when you don't do the personal growth, it shows up in your business. And that is when you are constantly looking for the likes, you're looking for the instant validation and it's like okay, sis, we're looking for validation across the board, not just on our social media. We're doing this in our family, we're doing this in our career, and so when you can highlight different areas that it's showing up in both places, it teaches you that oh, okay, I am good enough and nobody liked that post, but I liked it and you keep moving right. But just you can see how little areas where you need to tweak it'll show up in your business if you're not careful.

Speaker 1 10:55

Yeah, I've heard that owning a business is like the biggest personal development journey that will ever go on and I, by far, I totally believe it, because I think in our personal life there's a lot of things that we can. How do we say this? Like, I feel like, depending on who you hang out with, like it's the norm to be jealous, it's the norm to want what everybody else has. It's the norm like, but in our world, like the entrepreneurial world, it's not really except. Yes, it happens, but the goal is to be a better version of ourselves than we were yesterday, and I don't know that every person that doesn't have a passion and a purpose is feeling that way. I agree, normal everyday life.

Speaker 2 11:35

I totally agree.

Speaker 1 11:36

I do. Do you think that our life coach? This is a great question for you. Do you think people who have a higher purpose is it easier for them to want to do the work and implement to do the work than it is for somebody who's just a nine to five or I don't know if that's the right question to ask.

Speaker 2 11:57

I think that when people have a higher purpose, I think that it can be easier for them to implement, but only if they're aware of it, because so many of us walk around and we have this higher purpose. We have no awareness of it. There's just this pool like I know, I'm it for more which typically means you're living out of alignment. Once you get into alignment, there is no stopping them. They're like go boots to the ground. What do I have to do? They have to be aware of that. I think. Also, with each comes, like that imposter syndrome am I good enough, like the inner voice, the inner critic that's constantly talking to you? I think the more that you try to achieve, the more that the inner critic shows up, but the easier it is to silence them. So, yes, but only if they're aware.

Speaker 1 12:43

When you're working with your life coaching clients, do you guys ever talk about like our inner mean girl?

Speaker 2 12:50

Oh yeah, oh, what are your thoughts on this? So we actually talked about this not so long ago. Your inner mean girl is there and we acknowledge her and we are kind to her because she's there to protect you. She's like don't do that, everyone's going to laugh. Why would you want to be embarrassed? So once you start seeing her as more of a friend than a foe, it's easier for her to be quiet because you say sis, I appreciate you, I thank you for trying to protect me, but I got this. But it takes a moment because it seems like an enemy, but in reality your inner critic is almost there to protect you and you have to start doing little bitty steps and showing up and celebrating those small wins. So you told yourself, I told you we could do it. You have to do that constantly, yeah.

Speaker 1 13:40

I love that because, as someone whose husband was not supportive when I first started my business and in his defense he'd seen me do a lot of things we talked about this, but I'm a three five generator so I fail a lot Didn't know that back then, but you know.

Advice, Growth, and Life Coaching

Speaker 1 13:55

So he had every right to be doubtful and it's funny that you say that, because I think a lot of things he said was to protect me, but I just had to take the baby steps and have the little wins in the journey along the way to show him hey, I can do this, this is, this is totally for me, this is going to work, I'm going to make it work. And so that's interesting that you say that, because I can think about that for him. But I don't always think about that as my inner mean girl. Sometimes I'm really hard on her because she does, she doesn't understand, she doesn't understand what's going on in the other side of my brain that I'm trying to do. So so, yeah, yes, definitely. What is like one of your number one pieces of best pieces of advice for the majority of your clients?

Speaker 2 14:40

For the majority of my clients. I tell them to kill comparison, and it's. We do that in every aspect of everything. I often encourage them to like, unfollow social media accounts that make you feel uncomfortable, hide friends on your Facebook that make you feel uncomfortable or that you're feeling in lack, because you and I are both Tony Robbins fans. But Tony often says that where your focus goes, energy flows, and so when you get so stuck in that, why not me? Why are they buying a house? You lose sight of all the wonderful things that are happening to you, and so when I can get them to stay in their own lane, keep their eyes on their own plate and start celebrating their wins, they're so much happier, and so that just no comparison. That is my chief like advice to everybody.

Speaker 1 15:29

I love that Like really blinders, yeah, blinders all the time. I love it. So do you feel like and I know I kind of, we kind of talked about this a second ago do you feel like you would be where you're at right now in your business Cause things are going really, really well without the personal growth journey that you've had?

Speaker 2 15:48

No, not at all. I think that, because of all the things that I've experienced, I say often like I, I'm not really afraid of failure. I'll jump out there and do like whatever. If I'm really interested in something, I'm willing to jump in. I'm not afraid to bet on myself and I have bet on myself before and it was not great, but I'm not still not afraid to bet on myself, and so I think that comes from experiencing so many down times and being able to pull myself back together, and so I'm not afraid to launch something, I'm not afraid to try a new business plan, I'm not afraid to dabble in this type. I'm like oh, I like this, we'll try it out, like. But I don't think that people who haven't failed, people who haven't had that experience over and over, it's harder for them.

Speaker 1 16:33

Yeah absolutely Do. You think everyone needs a life coach.

Speaker 2 16:40

Yes, I think everyone needs. I'll say it this way I think everyone needs a life coach or a therapist. Even life coaches and therapists need a life coach or a therapist, and sometimes it may not be like a long-term, ongoing thing. Maybe they just need to coach you through the next few steps of your life. Maybe you're moving, maybe it's career, maybe it's a relationship, and so it doesn't have to be this oh, I'm broken. Let me see a life coach. It could simply be a. Let me talk to an unbiased ear, someone who is not gonna be like oh I'm so worried that you're gonna fail. Someone who doesn't know everything about your existence. I do. I think, on some level, everyone needs a life coach.

Speaker 1 17:19

Okay, so you just spurred another question Do people need to be broken to come to you, or can they literally just want a better life to come to you?

Speaker 2 17:28

Oh, you can literally just want a better life. Normally there is a pain point, so pain pushes until vision pulls right. So usually there's something that says I need to see somebody that brings them into my world. But someone could feel like things are great and they just want them to be better. Or they wanna strategize how to make their relationship better, keep the spark. Or they're in a career and they're like I wanna kick it up a notch. I'm happy, but what do I do next? That's perfectly fine to come in and chat with me. We could still strategize that. I just say that normally when someone's coming to a coach or something like that, there's something that they're unhappy with and they wanna solve it.

Speaker 1 18:07

Do they always tell you or do you have to pull it out sometimes?

Speaker 2 18:11

It just depends on the client, sometimes like everything is fine, we're wonderful, and I'm like, okay, so how can I support you, have you, how can I support you? But most of the time I have a. All of my clients do like a questionnaire and they'll check stuff in those boxes and so I'll start talking about each category and I'll have to pull it out. But most of the time they'll tell me that's so cool.

Speaker 1 18:37

So cool. You've got the gift to be able to do that. So I love that. I love that, and okay, so are you ready to shift gears a little bit and do some rapid fire questions?

Speaker 2 18:48

Let's do it.

Speaker 1 18:50

All right. What is your favorite social media platform?

Speaker 2 18:55

I am old school and I'm gonna have to go with Facebook.

Speaker 1 18:58

Okay, you're fine. Who is your favorite person to follow on social media?

Speaker 2 19:02

My favorite person to follow on social media is Mel Robbins. I love her. I love her.

Speaker 1 19:09

All right, what is your favorite sweet decadent food?

Speaker 2 19:13

My favorite sweet decadent food is probably fro-yo. Yeah, frozen yogurt, for sure, with lots of toppings. Oh no, I actually none. No toppings at all. I just wanna enjoy the yogurt. Give me two to three scoops, I just wanna enjoy it All right, favorite vacation spot, favorite vacation spot is actually New Orleans. I do love it there. The food is so good and the people are so nice. The culture is just amazing.

Speaker 1 19:47

I need to try a bignet besides Popeyes, like that's the only bignet I've ever had.

Speaker 2 19:53

They do them no justice. They do them no justice. There is nowhere better than the culture and food there in New.

Speaker 1 20:01

Orleans. Yeah, okay, bucket list, bucket list. Favorite way to de-stress.

Speaker 2 20:06

My favorite way to de-stress is I have shower steamers, honestly, and I just get in the shower and I use a eucalyptus steamer and I blast music like super loud what kind of music. Any kind honestly. Like it doesn't have to be, but I am in Nashville so I'm definitely a country music girl. So just lots of music and it's just next. You know. Next thing, I know I'm fine.

Speaker 1 20:33

I love it. So good, so good. Okay, my last question what is visibility done for you?

Speaker 2 20:41

Wow, wow, wow. So visibility has allowed me to impact so many lives. I truly believe that my purpose is to love, lead and inspire other people to fearlessly pursue the life of their dreams, and so it has allowed me to do that on another level, because I was. You have said to me often it doesn't matter if you have the most amazing program if no one knows about it. And so over the last couple of weeks, the inboxes that I've gotten, the stops that I get the girls in Walmart, they're like you're oh, my goodness, you're coming with the curls and I'm like I'm hey, coach K now. But whatever, it's just being recognized as a impact or as an influencer in that inspiration space. It has been amazing and I feel like it has brought me into alignment because I'm finally living out my dream, like I'm doing what I was here to do and I love it. It's all because I've gotten visible.

Speaker 1 21:37

I don't even know what to say after that. That was like, that was deep. I love that. I love that. Ok, so, as we wrap up this episode, is there anything else that you would like to leave my audience with?

Speaker 2 21:50

I always tell people, or very frequently, that it is never too late to start over. It is never too late to start fresh. You get to start new, you get to start again. You get to start late. Just get started. Literally, just get started, and if you've done it before and you failed, this time you're starting from experience and so you get the opportunity to change your life. Every day is a new start.

Connecting With Coach K, Plot Twist Community

Speaker 1 22:14

I love that. I love that. Now, where can my audience follow you?

Speaker 2 22:17

I know you already pretty much said it a million times, but say it again you can find me literally everywhere at hey Coach K on Instagram I'm here on Instagram, hey Coach K on Facebook, hey Coach K. And on TikTok is hey Coach K one. But yeah, I show up every single day and I'm given tons of knowledge and value and have programs and I just want to change the world and you're a part of it.

Speaker 1 22:44

I love that. I love that, and you have a special free invite for my audience. You want to tell them a little bit about that?

Speaker 2 22:51

Yes, if you aren't already, come and hang out with me in the Plot Twist Community Group. It's my free Facebook community. We are literally a group of women supporting women as we start over in love life, relationship, career. Literally all the things we do programs, challenges, polls, like it's literally so much fun. I cannot be more proud of the relationships that are being grown there. And so get in there, let's hang out, let's have some fun and let's transform our lives.

Speaker 1 23:18

And we'll have the link in the show notes. So check out the show notes for that link. Kayla, thank you so much for coming and pouring into my audience. If you are listening and you're feeling pulled, that you need life coaching, make sure you reach out to Kayla and find her on all the socials and start a conversation with her to see if it's a fit. But she is amazing and the thing that I love about you, kayla I just have to say this out loud is that you show up so much like people. I feel like they feel like they already know you by the time that they start working with you. They feel like you're like you're their best friend already. So I just think that's like beautiful. So thank you so much for showing up for your audience, because I know that so many people are going to find you that you're going to be able to change their life so impactfully.

Speaker 2 24:06

Thank you so much for having me. This has been absolutely a joy.