Achieve Your Goals, Accountability and Main Character Energy with Guest Expert Kala Simmons [512]

In this episode, we sit down with Kala Simmons, aka Coach K, a life coach specializing in helping women stand in their personal power and overcome people-pleasing tendencies. We dive into the importance of accountability, setting boundaries, and building confidence to achieve personal and professional goals.

Meet Coach K:
Kala Simmons is the voice behind The Girlfriend's Guide to Starting Over Podcast. As a Certified Master Life Coach and MSW with 15 years of clinical experience in mental health, she leads women to confidently embrace their Main Character Era and step into their highest potential.

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Transcript

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So welcome to this interview that I am having with the amazing, amazing Hey, Coach Kay, who is Kayla Sivan who is one of my clients who has just like amazed me over the past probably year and a half that she has been in my containers. And you've probably if you're connected to me, you've probably seen her on your feed. And so we're gonna find out more from Kayla today about what she does, why she does it and how she can serve and support anyone who is looking for life coaching and don't worry, we're gonna go and explain all of this and, and what it is. So you understand. So, Kayla, welcome. Welcome. I'm super excited. It's gonna be so much fun. Yes, it is. So the first question gets to be, why, and how did you get into life coaching to share a little bit about who you are and how and why you got into life coaching? Yeah, okay. Well, I'm Kayla Simmons. As Christy said, I am the main character coach. And I started life coaching after 15 years of experience in mental health and social services. I knew from a very young age, that mental health and working with people who were experiencing some sort of emotional pain or wanted to make big changes reach big goals was what I wanted to do. But therapy just wasn't it for me. And so seeing fast turnarounds working in an acute hospital, like where people come in for emergency stays, and then they leave, and you're like, oh, wow, like this is a totally different person. I'm like, How do I create that in the real world? Like, how do I create that like with people that are just everyday people where they don't really mean necessarily acute inpatient stay, but they could definitely benefit from someone cheering them on helping them map out their goals. And the idea of life coaching came up, because it's a really simple way to get people quick wins. And to watch them whether it's Kayla, I need help right now. Or it's Kayla, I'm doing great, but I want to be better. And so it just allows me to do that. And I can be as unconventional as I want. I can create whatever kind of schedule that I want. And it was just it for me. I love that. So when it comes to life coaching, or main character coaching, like who is this for? Who is this for, like, ideally, who needs this type of coaching? Yeah, so I think that anybody could truly benefit from working with a coach or a life coach of some sort, particularly for me, I am looking to serve women who are wanting to learn to stand in their personal power, women who have struggled in the past with setting boundaries or people pleasing. Or sometimes people don't even know they have a voice, like they're not assertive, because they don't know that they can speak up. Anyone who is ready to climb out of the box and rewrite their narrative, I teach you to be the main character of your life. And I guess that should explain what that means. So when you're the main character of your story, you get to decide what's next. It doesn't mean that you're perfect. And it doesn't mean that we treat people like our family, like supporting characters or props. It just means that your goals, your dreams, your desires get to remain at the forefront of your life. And when somebody like I think we don't always understand this word we do in our I think our world, but what is people pleasing really mean? How do people know if they're a people pleaser? Yeah. So there's lots of ways that you might know that you're a people pleaser. But if you struggle, this thing, know, if you have like, a lot of guilt surrounding not doing stuff that people ask you to do. If you're constantly anticipating people's needs. And it's important to you that everyone around you is happy. That might be an indication that you're a people pleaser. Lots of times those people feel like a lot of resent that. And they're like, nobody cares how I feel. Nobody even asked how I feel. And it's because we've taught them that we'll put ourselves on the backburner. We taught them that we're going to have we're going to catch all the balls that drop in. So then you end up in a situation where you're like, I don't want anyone to be mad. I don't want anyone to be sad. I don't want anyone to be anxious. So I'll just handle it. And then you end up being the person who's not happy. Yeah, so good. So good. Not good to be a people pleaser, but such a good explanation. Let me clarify that. So, you know, I, I hired a life and mindset coach, when I was going after a big goal, and I think a lot of people don't think about the support or the accountability that they can get and also All of the mindset ish that's gonna come up when they try to achieve something really big. Can you talk about that a little bit and how you support those people going after something like that? Yeah, so goals are my jam, like, I've been setting goals for people for the entire time that I've been in this field. Because most of the time, when we see a mountain, we're just looking at the mountain really cool, I'm never going to get up there. But if you start looking at it, it just one step at a time. And celebrating those small wins every step of the way, little by little, you're able to tackle it. And I think it's natural for people to think sometimes people take 10 steps forward, and I'm like, two steps back. And they're like, Oh, I'm never gonna make it. But that's natural. Like, that's the natural progression of things like success isn't linear, right? So you're gonna have mountains and valleys and little peaks. And so when you're working with a coach, and the research says, 95%, more likely to reach your goal when you have accountability. And so it's that person in your ear. That's like, I know, we had a rough week, but two weeks ago, you would have never even gone this far. Like you're walking a mile and a half, you know, two, three weeks ago, you could barely do a half a mile, it's that person and give you the reminders, when your Inner Mean Girl is like trying to get at you and get you to quit. So for me, as that person I, there's dozens of ways to work with me, but I'm doing that check in in the week. Hey, how's it going? You told me that this is what you wanted? What have we done about that? Are we talking about it? Are we putting into action? How can I support you? Do we need to talk through anything? So that's basically helping people see what's possible, they're breaking it down in little bitty chunks. So I'm using myself example because I think, I think a lot of people are like, that's when I first started my business in 2016. I was very proud. And I was like, I don't need a coach, I don't need a business coach. I don't need a life coach. I don't need anything. Like and I try to like do so many things on my own. Do you see this happening with a lot of people, and it's like the, it's the reason that they're not getting to the success of whatever the goal is that they want to achieve? Oh, absolutely. And I was like that, like, I've been very vocal that I watch you for an entire year before bought a $7 program. And then I went through the entire process, and I watch for a whole year like, is she gonna keep showing up? Is she gonna keep doing this? Like, very just huh. And so I see this with my clients, I've seen it in myself, it's that I don't need help. I've got this, or in mental health, it's a stigma of needing help. It's no different with life coaching, where people are like, oh, what can you teach me, you've never been through this. And it's like, but I've helped literally 1000s of people over this 15 year period. So just because I haven't I've seen people do this, I've helped people strategize. Um, it's letting go of that. I said this yesterday, and in some content that I put out there, everyone needs help sometimes. And sometimes that's the strong thing to do. And so acknowledging that I in it might not be forever, but maybe you need help for this next three to six months to push through and reach your goal. And then maybe something else comes up, or maybe it's fewer and far in between. Just like with a therapist, you might work with them really hard on for a couple of months. And then you do check in like every quarter to make sure you're on track. So I definitely see that. And a lot of it is the hardest thing to say is I really do need help with this. Why do you feel like people are so resistant? Hmm. Because we all want to be perfect and polish. We don't want anybody to know specifically, you just evaporate if somebody knew that you actually need it. And here I am I in the evidence that you don't, nothing happens except for you, you get better. If you apply yourself, you get better. But I think there's a lot of resistance in that. Unfortunately, this industry is one of those places that's not regulated, so any old Joe can decide they're a coach. And so sometimes I think people are resistant because they're afraid to give you their money, they're afraid to invest. And always say you are not a gamble. Like this is an investment and you're gonna get out of it what you put in it, right? So I think that lots of times people are just like, oh, well, I don't really have the spare money to push myself I really want a new job and it's like if someone could coach you up to get you that confidence to help you with your resume to do all the things you put yourself in a better position. But it's that initial fear. Yeah. And thinking back like even on your on yourself, like what did waiting cost you. So, you know farther ahead, I would be if I had just jumped in the programs the very moment um, people can scroll like down through my stuff or look on my YouTube at my content. I have grown tremendously over these last 14 months just by investing in myself by doing the things and I definitely use discernment and like you know what I I don't think that's going to work for me. But being able to be open and being able to be vulnerable and willing to accept constructive feedback, right? Because you work really hard on something. And sometimes you're like, Yeah, okay, well, that that did not hit. But when I really take a moment to look at it as a keynote, what I was being surface was being in it's, it's allowing someone that closest in that, that connection to you to be able to say, I want to watch you soar. And this is how we can do this better. It is it's nothing but good. If you're open to receive me, it's nothing but good. So what are some of your favorite the clients that you've worked with? What are some of the light transformations that you've seen? Like them go through and and just, my audience can kind of see what's possible? Well, I have a client who has lost I think it's at this point is like 68 pounds, she was like, refusing to work out was one of the pictures like it reminds me of this really bad time of my life. And that's how I coped. And I'm like, Yeah, well, our new story is, this is how I get to stay healthy for you know, moving forward. And so like she's doing a couch to 2k now, and she's like, every day is like video of herself running or walking or out with her dogs and, like, makes me the happiest in the whole world. Because I see that. I have another client who has been talking for years about going back to get her master's degree. And she's like, I just don't know. And I'm like, we're not getting any younger. So whether you start in five years, or you start today is going to be the same two and a half year commitment. So what are we doing? She's in week number five of her master's program, all A's, like super excited that she just needed that push of how long are we going to talk about it? What's stopping you? What are you afraid of? Because not doing it does not advance you any? It just leaves you stuck? Yeah. So those are just two that I can think of offhand that are doing really, really well. And I think that's interesting, because we're these are two different spectrums. And along with Kayla, like, I love talking to Kayla about like coaching certifications and things like that, because when a good coach has the tools, they can truly help you even if that's not her expertise, necessarily like her helping, like she's not like a tutor, right? Like, she's not a tutor helping you get good grades, but she can coach you through the process of helping you know, and help you tap into your to your like greatness so that you can achieve even more than you could have on your own. And it's you know, I think this is like so important. And so when people don't get this, like how important a coach is, you may not need a coach for the rest of your life. But like, there's an opportunity that things could be going on in your life right now. Whether it's to reach a goal, or you just need someone that's non biased that you can talk to and say, Am I crazy? How many people have ever really wanted somebody to tell him that like, Am I crazy? Or? Or then I thought I definitely, definitely. That's so good. That's so good. So let's talk a little bit about like, one thing. Kayla and I were talking about today, like how looking if she looked back at her videos, she probably doesn't seem like the main character of her life, which today she does if you guys follow her, you know, 100% like, Kayla owns the screen, she owns it, she commands your attention. Like she's so good. And so I would love because you are the main character coach, like what does that look like for somebody to go through some type of transformation to become the main character of their life? And and what kind of things can come out of that? Yeah, so um, I say very frequently, that confidence is a muscle, like you have to build it. And the only way that you build competence or you get good at something is by practicing it and doing it over and over and over. And the willingness to get uncomfortable is honestly, that that is the key piece is getting uncomfortable when you become the main character. People are not going to be happy when you give them some pushback when you're like, yeah, no, I don't think I'm coming to Christmas dinner because it just doesn't work out. I don't want to argue I don't want to fight like maybe you guys can come up a little bit afterwards. When you decide that you don't want to go out for drinks after work. When you decide that you're going to start changing the way you show up. There's going to be some pushback, and you get to stand in your power you get to say okay, well the right people are going to want to hang out with me or this guy didn't work out that doesn't mean that I'm doomed. When you decide it becomes magnetic like I didn't just overnight this out I was going to be the main character in my life was little bitty things at a time was like I'm not going to work. So that's just I'm down anymore. I'm not going to date these kinds of guys. I'm not going to entertain this kind of conversation. I'm not going to wear these kinds of clothes. And then all of a sudden, it just kind of pieced together. But what I did decide was no more was I going to sit around feeling sorry for myself. I was like, I can change this. Yeah, I can change. It's like, feeling sorry for myself wasn't getting anywhere. And so I decided this is just not who I am. And I started verbalizing it. And my sister would say stuff like, Oh, you're sitting in your femininity, I absolutely am. It causes some tension. But over time, you it just becomes what people accept about you. You decide how people see your reputation, your characters, what matters, right. Um, the main character, your character is what matters, your reputation is just what people think. And as soon as you start showing up as a person, that's what they start thinking of you. Well, and I think sometimes when people see us change, they get scared. Oh, yeah. terrified, terrified, it calls people up, or calls people out. And it's not intentional. Either people like oh, yeah, I'm gonna do this, or people are like, How dare her? And how they ever have so much Audacity? I someone told me that recently, he's like, Well, you have a lot of Audacity, I was like, What do I do, and on Destiny is what sets people apart. That's how you get to be the main characters deciding, and it opens up so much for you. So many opportunities, so many things, I would have never noticed if I wasn't looking for that chance to grow and to glow. And my gift and my passion is to give that back to other women where I can say, it's not just me say this, share the stage, like you can do this, too. I love that. And you know, here's the thing that I believe to be true, whether you do the work, right and become the main character or not, people are always going to have an opinion. And it's going to cause you to continuously question yourself, whether you change or not. So why not improve your personal growth, right? Work with a coach, and then be like, that doesn't matter. Like, it doesn't matter what you say, I am standing in my own power. So you are just unhappy with the version of you, or a version of me that you're seeing that's getting triggering you right? But I'm going to continue to grow. And so we can question ourselves, or we can own it. And I think that's truly what being a main character is, is owning who we are and being 100% happy with that, and in owning our decisions and creating radical responsibility. And there's just like so many things that go along with that. And I think it's truly the path to fulfillment and happiness. Yes, definitely. I think that we want to be very clear that it's not just saying as a main character, you don't say, it's just the way that I am? No, what we're saying is, I love myself enough to love myself as I am, and enough to grow, to change, to evolve to say, You know what, this isn't great. And or this could be better, or I don't like the way that I'm responding to people or I don't like the way that that made me feel, in having that courage to evolve. So it's not just accepting yourself. It's accepting yourself enough to grow enough to be better. Yeah, I love that. I love that. So if someone wanted to work with Coach K, how would they do that? There's dozens of ways to work with me, I have one of my most popular things right now is accountability access. So if you wanted to drop jump on a strategy call and tell me about a goal that you're really interested in, we can totally do a one on one session and then sign up for accountability. So I'm checking in with you twice a week and we're just kind of talking through anything that comes up when you're going throughout the week, you could do that. I also have the green room, which is it's a Facebook community that I created to support people monthly trainings, but basically it's to go over those steps of falling in love with yourself to set boundaries to overcome people pleasing it's for the person who wants to learn to name and tame their emotions and just to be a better more well rounded person. But to do that in a like a container that's supported by other people. I remember when I was in that spot, I was like if I just had like friends or a group of people to cheer me on or to express that I don't feel great today or you know I missed the mark and to be logged on, I would have been so much better off so I created it like I'm one of those people if it doesn't exist I created right so I created the green room is excellent opportunity to work with me. Um, there's there's tons of stuff but definitely those two accountability access for the green room. That's an excellent intro into my community and how can they find you online? Online, I am at a Coach K on Instagram On Facebook And on YouTube and Tiktok, it's at Hey, Coach K one, I'll drop all that stuff down in the comments so that you guys can do that, you can definitely DM me. And I have a live q&a session actually happening this Friday at 6pm Inside the green room. So if you're in the green room, you're going to get access to that. And that is something that I will be doing monthly. So if you're like, huh, let's learn more, come hang out with me, we will have so much fun. And the people that are already in my community are so loving, and so welcoming. Like I insist on having that very harmonious. Like, I wanted a group so bad. As you know, as a young lady, I'm still young. But as a young lady, I wanted like a good girl group where everybody's like, I don't want girlfriends, I created it. So don't be worried about me and girls stuff. I do not tolerate that. Come hang out with me. It'd be fun. So before we go, if someone was on the fence about hiring a life coach, what would you say to them? I would say to them, if you're on the fence about hiring a life coach, I would say to you, if what you were doing right now was working, you wouldn't be on the fence, you would be on the other side. So what you're doing isn't working and old locks, don't open new doors. So let's try it. The worst that can happen is this doesn't work out for you. And then you're right back in the situation that you were in. But if you don't give it a try, you're definitely going to be in that same situation. I love it. Mic drop. There we go. All right. Thank you so much for coming on and sharing with my audience. If you think that someone could, like utilize this or want me to listen to this, make sure you tag them or share this with someone. It's public. So you're able to do that. And again, if you have any questions, connect with Kayla or send me a message and I'll do an introduction between the two of you so that she can share all the ways that she can support you with life becoming the main character energy and really growing. Growing up, right growing your personal growth because I think we all get to be doing that even more. Thank you so much. I appreciate you coming on today. Absolutely. All right. Make sure you connect with Coach Kay and again, drop any questions and she's gonna drop all her information in here as well. It will bye