Breaking the Stigma and Embracing Visibility with Cat Donofrio

In this episode, we dive into breaking the stigma surrounding menopause and aging with midlife wellness expert, Cat Donofrio. A lesson that every industry deserves it's time in the spotlight.  Learn how to redefine your midlife journey, and unlock the tools for thriving in your second act of life.

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Transcript

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All right, we are back with our Live series, and today I'm excited about our special guest. I'm only interviewing visible CEOs, so she is the visible CEO and women's wellness, and is a midlife Mojo expert, and I know that you are going to get so much value from her today. So let's welcome the one and only. Cat dinafrio, hi, Kat. Hey, Crissy, thanks so much. It's a good thing there is only one of me, hey, and I didn't get tongue tied on the midlife Mojo, so I think that's great. And I would love just to do a brief intro of you tell my audience who you are, what you do, and then we'll get into this interview, because I know they're going to learn so much from you today. Okay, so, as Crissy said, I'm captain on Frio. I am a women's wellness coach, and I focus primarily on working with women who are 40 and over. Help you navigate through the wonderful world of perimenopause and beyond, and guide women from a physical symptoms aspect how to be physically healthier, as well as around the whole mindset of aging and getting older and making it all not such a taboo topic. So that's really who I am, I guess. So what inspired you? Because we gotta admit, menopause women, aging is such like a taboo topic that what we didn't even start doing research on menopause to like, like, very recently, and so I would love to know what got you into this, like, what inspired you to take this as a topic and really put it out there and start serving and supporting women? Um, yes, it's been kind of just my own journey with my own health over the years. And, you know, as I am getting older, and I've, you know, I've kind of gone through the various stages of of menopause to where I'm in post menopause myself now. I've lived through the trials and tribulations of it, hearing so many other women and their complaints and their frustrations, um, and more and more hearing so many women just feeling like this is kind of the end of the road or the beginning of the end anyway, right? Um, and the fact of the matter is, we're living so much longer. We're living to be 8090, we're going into menopause, 40s, 50s. So if that's the beginning of the end, I mean, if you really think about that, you're really at the midway point. Got a whole nother life essentially to live. I like to call it my second 50. I'm in my second 50. Yeah, yeah. So why are so many women just sitting around, essentially waiting to die, sitting around just wondering, like who they are now that their kids are grown up and don't need them so much, now that they're seeing their own parents aging and having so many health issues and just thinking, oh my gosh, that's what I have in store for me. I might as well just give up now. There's so much we can do to truly thrive in this half of our life. So I just, for some reason, it became my mission. And I think there is this, I don't know if it's a stigma or just the way, but, you know, even like when I was younger, every problem I had when it came to, you know, monthly period. It's just the way it is. And I think that's the way that people think with menopause, well, hot flashes and and being cranky and all these others, it's just the way it is. It's just the way it is. Like, it's like, settle like, don't expect anymore, don't expect it to be better. And I would love you to chat about that a little bit, because I think we're so conditioned to be like, Oh, it's just the way it is. I'm going through menopause. This is, this is the way I am now that we are just not exploring other opportunities and other avenues, because we just think that's the way it is supposed to be, right. And we come by that whole thinking honestly, because comes from advertising and media, it comes from our own parents and other elders that have gone before us, right? It comes from our doctors who they don't know the answers, so their response is just how it is. Live with it, deal with it. Here's an antidepressant that's a big one right now that so many people, they're just women, are just getting prescribed antidepressants because they have all these menopause symptoms and and feelings around it, and it's like, oh, it's all in your head. So yeah, we're hit left and right with that kind of mindset. But thankfully, I'm seeing more and more pockets of people like myself that are learning and understanding more and more that there really can be so much more and so kind of my mission, in addition to, you know, working one on one with women and improving their health, is just to communicate out to as many women as I possibly can, to get that word out that there is so much more than but it's a choice. It's a choice that you have to make, that you're going to take control of your life, and you're going to do the work make your life what you want it to be. Yeah, you can sit on your couch for the next 20 years or whatever and just be miserable. But don't come to me and complain Exactly, exactly. So what's a big misconception about menopause that's like such an like a shift in diet or a shift in something that you do that can can drastically change those symptoms that you're experiencing. Um, so I guess what it is is that, yeah, it's that whole mindset of it, either that's just how it is, or here's some medication to try to mask your symptoms when there really are simple things that we can do to help either lessen or even avoid a lot of the symptoms that that many women experience. And I wish I had known some of these things when I was going through some of it, because really, I'm learning, I've learned a lot of the stuff on the back end, like I went through all the years of sitting in meetings with all men, because I work in tech, and, you know, I'm sitting in a room full of men, and suddenly I sweat pouring down my face. It's like, okay, I know these guys don't have a clue what's going on, and they're going to think, I'm weak. They're going to think, you know, it's the embarrassment, and then you become embarrassed, and then that makes the symptoms even worse. So anyway, I went through all that, and now I realize from my education and just following so many brilliant people who have finally taken the time to do the studies and all of that, that simple things like, Oh, let's see. When I was in menopause, I was probably drinking a fair amount of alcohol because it was just the thing to do. It's the social thing to do. And guess what? That exacerbates symptoms. So now do you have to 100% give it up if you like to go out occasionally with friends and have a glass of wine or whatever? No, but take a look and be mindful about just how much drinking, how much processed food you're eating. I hate to tell the spicy women out there this, but spicy foods exacerbate menopause symptoms like hot flashes. So you're going to eat the spicy foods and be mindful. You know you're going to continue having the hot flashes. Maybe try to back off that little bit, but it really is simple. Things You Can Do, exercise is huge for helping with menopause symptoms, but we just got to do those things. We got to be consistent. We got to be mindful about it. Yeah. And another thing that I know that you're really passionate about is, I mean, obviously menopause is part of aging as well, but part of the aging process for women, and again, it's one of those things that I think that we've settled that I'm supposed to hurt when I get up in the morning. I'm supposed to, you know, not have the energy that I have. Can you speak on that a little bit? Because, again, it's one of those things I feel like we're settling with, because as we get older, you know, but we we've seen proof, there are 90 year old women who still run and do amazing, beautiful things, and they don't look 90 years old Exactly, they don't look they don't act it. A lot of it has to do around the mindset and just a willingness or not to accept that fate and doing the mindful things in your day to day that will either help you age well or not. And you know there's actually been identified, essentially a list of things that will accelerate aging in your body and things that will decelerate aging in your body. And just being aware of those things and seeing where you fit. As far as you know, how many of the accelerants do I do, and can I back off some of those? You know, because it's, it really isn't the number of years in your life, it's the amount of life in your years. So, and we are. We're living to 8090, I mean, we're seeing more and more people hit that century mark their lives. And do you want to spend the last 20, 3040, even years of that life being in a wheelchair, being hooked up to oxygen, taking 567, medications a day to deal with the three, four or five different health conditions that you're dealing with, or do you want to stay as active as you can? And the way to do that is to be mindful about those things that accelerate or decelerate. And it's anything from taking the food you eat and be mindful about, you know, eating much more the whole unprocessed foods, eating lots of leafy greens to how much sleep are you getting? Things like even you do any activities that you actually enjoy. You pursue hobbies or something that actually feels more like play and bring to joy in your life. Do you have good social connections, or do you spend most of your time alone? All of those things come into play. It comes to healthy aging or not, and you know that's that's one of the things I offer as part of my practice, is taking a client through a blueprint of those aging accelerators and decelerators and seeing where are you today, and where are some areas that we can work on to help you prolong your vitality, that you can do all the things that you want to do, love that that's so cool, because I've seen this tool in action, but it is such a great tool, because, again, you can almost grade yourself right and exactly where, and even even like choosing, like, I Know I'm going to do this today is going to decelerate. So are going to take my grade, my grade, my point system, down. Can I do over here to bring it up? Right? Really about balance, right? It's absolutely about balance. And it's Yeah, and it's about, like I've always said, I kind of try to live by the 8020 rule, if 80% of the time I'm doing like all the right things I'm eating well, you know, etc, you know, 10 or 20% of the time I'm thoughtfully making choices to do things that might not be the healthiest I'm still doing well overall, Yeah, for my body, for my health, for my happiness, right? So what would you say to someone that says I've done nothing but abused my body? I've done all the wrong things so many years, I'm too far gone. I don't think it's ever too late to improve future outcomes, sure you may have Yeah, and I'm not saying that at a certain point, if you've truly, like really, really abused your body, that you can absolutely go back to day zero and 100% undo everything you've ever done bad, but you can certainly stop the progression of whatever negative impacts you're having on your body currently, and you can reverse things as well. So you know, even if you can prolong your health span by a few years, starting today. Isn't it worth it? I mean, alternative seems a heck of a lot worse. Yeah, so, I mean, I don't care if you're 20, I don't care if you're 40, I don't care if you're 70, you can always make improvements and what you're doing, we're all, I mean, it's a journey. Life is a journey. Wellness is a journey. We're all just striving to do a little bit better every day. And it does have a compound effect, I believe, yeah, and I think our bodies are like, amazing, like they're amazing that the things that they can do, the things that you can turn around, like the things that you can change. And I think the thing is, is like, little, small shifts, like, oh my god, I have more energy today. Oh my gosh, I didn't hurt as bad today. Like that can change your whole rest of your life. And the thing is, we have so much life left to live if we choose, right? It's kind of like that quality, right? Do you want to be popping pills for the rest of your life, and that's pretty much your diet, or do you want to do things that can lessen that? Yeah, it doesn't mean you're going to completely be able to stop that. But no having more life and feeling energy is like priceless, just a little bit, right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I'm all for making whatever changes we can make at any point and having a better outcome. Yeah. So one of the things that I think has been very interesting in your journey and talking about menopause and aging is really getting this out there, like you're making these two taboo words right? Because we're not supposed to talk about our menopause system or symptoms, and we're supposed to go get Botox and all these things to stay looking young, even though we might feel like crap, but you're like, bringing these to the spotlight. Like, tell me a little bit about how it's been received. Like, getting these two topics more visible. You know, it's, it's funny. It's when I do, like, if I'm in groups of people, or even talking one on one to somebody, and bring up this subject, it's like, oh my god, yes. Finally, somebody that was like, speaking about these things that letting us know it's not taboo, it's just a part of life, you know, just like but through puberty when we were teenagers, right? And that felt pretty horrible, too, but it was a transition to becoming adults, right? Well, pause is just kind of like puberty, spicy over sister, pretty spicy sometimes, right? But it's just again, another transition. It's a transition period into a next level of our lives. And again, the more I read and research and just listen to other people, what I'm finding is it's a very much an American kind of topic. You look at other cultures and menopause is considered a wonderful thing. It's a wonderful transition for women. I came upon this word the other day, and it's the Japanese word for menopause, and the word is kenneki, and basically what it means is renewal season. What have we thought of menopause as our renewal season, instead of the beginning? Which sounds better, right? But yeah, they look at it as a time of reinvention, a time of self discovery for women. And that sounds absolutely amazing, right? Why are why aren't we as American women? You know, taking that mindset and running with it. Imagine what we could still do in our lives, still make out of our lives, still contribute to the rest of the world. We had that kind of a mindset as opposed to, oh, this is horrible. This is how life is going to be, you know, for the next, whatever, many years, and just being angry and frustrated about it well, and it's like that expectation too. If you expect that it's going to be horrible, it's not going to just magically be amazing. If you expect that it's just going to be horrible all the time, it's really goes back to that mindset. And, you know, I talk about this a lot, and like, you know, 20% of our business is strategy, 80% is mindset. Like, it's that way in fitness and health too, and I'm sure it's that way in aging and menopause. If you literally think I'm just going to continue to be miserable and blah, blah blah, you're not magically just going to start feeling great. You're absolutely not whatever you think, whatever you focus on, is what's going to happen. Yeah, you know, it kind of ties a little bit. And lot of people think it's, it's woo, woo. And maybe it is a little bit, but the whole like, law of attraction, it's like, what we focus on, even if we don't like what we're focusing on, if we're, if we're focused on the negatives, that's what's going to happen that that's we're drawing that energy into our lives. Yeah. So, yeah. And, you know, obviously menopause, and a lot of the symptoms women have, it's not a Bucha versus right? I mean, there are definitely tough days or tough moments, but again, there are physically things you can do holistically to help with that mindset matters so much and having, I think, a sense of community around just normalizing it and being able to talk to someone about it, which is, again, something else that's like keeps coming up in my mind and coming up the more I talk to other women, is, How do I build some sort of a community that women can come to, can engage in and feel like they're not alone, yeah, because, again, in their own little circles and their families, whatever they may or may not, feel comfortable talking about what they're going through. Yeah, we feel so much better when we could talk about these things. So how do I give them a place to do that? So don't have the answer there yet, but just kind of putting it out there. And I think community is important. Which you do have a free community, that free community, yes, on Facebook, which would be like a safe space that they can talk about it, and, and, and I love some of the content that you've even done that really just, you know, makes light of it, versus this heavy thing that we all think about. And, you know, that's one of the positives about you willing to get out there, get visible and talk about it, because you're showing other people. It doesn't have to be this heavy, dramatic, awful thing, like we can actually create community from it. We can actually learn from each other. We can actually find ways to alleviate some of these symptoms that we're experiencing. And life can still go on, yeah, life can still go on and be absolutely amazing, and, yeah, you know, and even being like, sitting here talking to you about it, and some of the other groups I've, I've been and talking on this subject. I mean, it's, it's not easy for me either. I mean, I'm, I'm an introvert. I, you know, I don't, I don't like to draw attention to myself, necessarily, but I'm just, I'm passionate enough about this topic, and it, I can't even explain what it makes me feel like inside when I am listening to other women, whether it's, I'm in, you know, live In a group of people, you know, just talking about it, or even some of the online groups I'm in with, you know, women that are of a certain age, right? And hearing just the angst, the frustration, the desolation. I mean, it's just it. It literally hurts my heart. I know that sounds like an exaggeration, but oh my god. I mean, even these people that I don't know really that well, that were just happened to be in a group together, I'm just like, Oh my God. I just want to shake you, and I want to, like, do say something to make you realize that this is not your fate. So that means I have to, like, talk about it more in front of more people, and I have to thank you for helping me do that, because I don't know, five years ago, if you had told me I would be going in front of groups of people and talking about anything getting older, I would have told you you're crazy. Well, I mean, you also do a lot of in person, networking groups and things like that. When you talk about this on social media, it also relates there, because people are like, I know what she does and who she is, and I know I can talk to her because she's so open about this, right, like people felt comfortable coming to you and asking you these questions because you're willing and uncomfortable and talk about the stigma that nobody wants to bring out. And this is, you know, this is, you know, all of my clients have beautiful impacts that they make. And this one is one of those, right? Every woman is going to experience something that comes with menopause, right? It's, we're not going to get skipped. You know? It's like, it's like Ava was, Ava will never have wisdom teeth, which is the most crazy thing she will go into menopause, right? That is not one thing that you're going to magically, if you have, or had at one time your life a uterus, you will go through menopause, right? Because the other topic, which we're not even going to go there today, because that's a whole nother topic, is people who have transitioned genders, yeah, we don't even know necessarily what that's going to look like for some of these people, yeah, but you can guarantee that the hormones are were there, if the plumbing was ever there, then there's going to be effects. And how do we best get through that? Yeah, yeah, there's so many things and but the thing is, like you getting visible, you making an impact, even through your daily content, to connect with people and help them feel seen and heard. I think is one of the most beautiful things, and it's why I obviously reach to teach and try to brainwash my audience of get visible, because it's so important. And again, it's not always just so scary, right? It's not easy for us as introverts. I think a lot of my clients are introverts, and it's not easy for us, especially to talk about taboo topics, like like this one, right? One that people one that our doctors don't even know about, you know, like my doctor, you know, we'll figure out when you're going to go through menopause and take you off birth control, because, you know, the surgery had, you know? I mean, it's just like what we already know this is crazy, right? And I know I feel comfortable talking to you about this, because this is you. This is what you do, and you're helping other people feel so much more comfortable to talk about it, too. And I think bringing the awareness creates an impact, creates different lives, right? People can change their lives from this by learning just little tweaks and little things that they can do. It's not like, I don't know if you ever saw the Sex in the City where they go to Dubai, and Samantha takes, like, this suitcase of all these creams and and essential oils and all this, and they get taken away from her, but it looks like this whole regimen that she does like it's not that, it's not that things can help, but that's not what you need to do to create a natural approach to getting through menopause and so and you get to educate people where we've seen things like that on TV, and where we've seen things like only taking was it hormone replace that Therapy? Is that what it is? Oh yeah, yeah, there's Yeah, or HRT or Yeah, so like doing things like that. That's that. That's what we only think we can do. And I think you have so and I will say I am a proponent for Yeah, absolutely, therapy where it's where it's necessary, absolutely, yeah, absolutely. But you have resources that can help people, and that's why one of the things about you getting visible is important, because you have these resources and you can help them. And when you work with people, one on one, that even gives you a better opportunity to say, Well, I see you like I see you. I see what you're going through right now. Let's chat about that. Because I'm assuming every person is different when it comes to menopause, and every person has different things that they get to change absolutely for sure. Yeah. I mean, there's, you know, 300 potential symptoms, for example, when I can go through in menopause. Okay, that's insane, and some of them are things that we don't even think about as being related to menopause, but, yes, but any, any woman at any time can go through any combination of those symptoms, right? And again, her lifestyle, you know, up into and into that point of her life impacts that. So, yeah, you've got to take into account, you know, and a lot of people will talk about genetic genetics, and unfortunately, a lot of people try to fall back on that. Well, it's in my genes, I will tell you that. And this was an interesting thing I read recently, not specifically to menopause, but to aging, and we talk about Alzheimer's, and everybody who isn't afraid to get Alzheimer's, right? I mean, that's just a horrible thing to have to go through, and it's a horrible thing for our families. And there is a gene that the doctors can test for to see if you have it that considers you to be a higher risk for getting Alzheimer's. But there have been studies done evaluating people with Alzheimer's and looking at what percentage of them have those that gene. And in the studies that have been done, only 4% of the people that have been studied that have actually gotten Alzheimer's had the gene. So it's not just our genes, yeah, because there's a lot more people that have the gene and haven't gotten Alzheimer's, and then there's all these people that have gotten Alzheimer's that don't have the gene. So, so the other thing, and luckily, the thing that is in our control, unlike genes, is our lifestyle. So and we all have the power to shift that Yes. And we go, absolutely, we may not know, right, but that's why you connect with people like people like Kat, so that she can help you, give you that that plan and that road map of what to do, and give you the accountability to shift and change that. So if someone wanted to work with you one on one, how could they do that? If someone wants to work with me one on one, I'd say the best way to do that is to simply book a call with me, a complimentary consultation, where we can just sit down and talk about where you are, what your what your concerns are, what you're looking, looking or hoping to accomplish, and talk about how I can help you. I mean, I have a number of different ways that I can work with a client, one on one again. I mean, it's somewhat packaged, but at the same time, it's also individualized by Who are you, where are you in your life? What is it that you feel you need? And let's, let's figure out what that looks like working together. Yeah. So I love that, and again, I appreciate you. You know, talking about this and getting visible about this, because it brings up so much, and one of the things that we're doing the week of the 16th is we're helping your business. Whoever you are watching this, get visible, help you become the visible CEO of your industry, just like Kat is becoming, or is the seat the visible CEO of menopause and aging, and really being that wellness expert for so many women who whether they're going through menopause or they're they're not happy with the way that they're aging and they need support, or they just want to have, like, a full life, like You just want to have a full life. You want to have that quality instead of the quantity, right? Just, you could have both, obviously, but you, you are such a gift. And again, if you chose not to show up, and if you chose to be quiet about this, or you chose not to to be vocal about this and visible about this, there will be so many people that you'd be doing a disservice to, and so I appreciate the fact that you're willing to put yourself out there with the taboo subject, with things that people have preconceived notions about, and really help shift the dynamic and shift their mindset and shift for them to see what's possible. It's not what you think. It's not what you've been told and what you've been basically lied to about from the medical industry for years like and people who didn't know, obviously your family and things like that. Because we don't know until we until we know, right? And then once we know, if you watch this video, you now know that it doesn't have to be the way you've been told it has to be. And so what's the next step? You reach out to Kat. You reach out to Kat. You find a way to work with her, whether it's one on one, she has a lot of like lower cost programs and things you can DIY yourself. But again, you now know that you don't have to live this way. And so I want to challenge you, watching this live or the replay, what are you going to do about it? Right? Are you going to reach out to Kat? Start following Kat, because she's going to give you a lot of free resources just on her page, right? And then when you make the decision, I'm ready for more, and I'm ready to change this, and I don't want to live like this anymore. When you say, give me what you got right exactly here, ready, willing and able. So, yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Is there anything else that you want to share before we let everyone go enjoy their Saturday? Um, no. I mean, I think we, we've covered it all. I mean, it's, it's again to your point when watching this, you know, now know that there is hope, there are options, there's opportunity. So what are you going to do with that information, and whether it's me or whether it's somebody else. I highly, highly, highly encourage you to get the guidance that you need to make your second 50, your best 50. That's a good tagline. I have to use that again. Doesn't have to be a midlife crisis, right? It doesn't seem to be at all. It can be, what, like, What did you say the Japanese? Because it's Japanese. Kaneki is, yeah, it's basically a renewal season. Your renewal season doesn't that sound amazing? That sounds so bougie like, does renewal season? I think I get a t shirt. I'm in my renewal season. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Well, Kat, thank you so much for joining me today on this live and helping make menopause and aging and getting it more visible and helping my audience be more aware of that and what you do and how you can support them. And also, we have the tongue the visible CEO free program coming up the link is in the comments, if you want to join us for that. It's a week that I'm going to take you through and really help you become the visible CEO of your industry, just like Kat and all the other interviews that we're doing. And here's the thing, I'm not gatekeeping in this program, no matter what your industry is, no matter if you you think your industry is taboo, right? Like we've been told about menopause and aging, it doesn't have to be that way, and you are doing a disservice if you choose not to put it out there the ways that you can serve and support your audience. So I'm so thankful and grateful that Kat has done that, because she is going to change so many lives, and I love that I get a front seat to be able to watch that unfold. And so make sure that you connect with Kat. When we are done with the five, I'll drop all the ways that you can connect with her, and reach out to her, follow her like see the content on her page. I promise you that you're going to see a change and see what's possible by that, and then when you decide to work with her, that's when you take it to the next level. That's really like, I'm done with living my life this way. I'm ready for more. And so I cannot wait to see that happen for you. Thank you so much, Kat, for being with me Today. Oh, thank you for having me. I Appreciate It.