Why You Feel Invisible Online Even When You're Showing Up (4 Ways You're Hiding)

You know how to be visible. You might also, quietly, know how to hide. In this episode Crissy Conner gets honest about the seasons she disappeared on purpose, a friendship breakup, her daughter in law's cancer diagnosis and six weeks of burnout while building her Google Knowledge Panel, and what those seasons taught her about a problem almost no one names: you can be hiding in plain sight.

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Transcript

0:00

Trust me when I say I know how to be extremely visible. And also trust me when I say that I know how to hide with the best of them. I may have been the visibility queen and now the visible CEO, but I can hide like a pro. I'm telling you. Like there are so many ways in my business that I have been able to hide. And some of the longest hiding moments were very emotional things that were going on in my life. For example, a friendship breakup. That caused me to hide because I didn't want to draw attention to myself. Because if I drew attention to myself, then what would happen? People would start asking questions. People would wonder why I'm still showing up on video. And so I didn't want to be asked questions. So I played really small during the season and I purposely did not show up in a big way. And I didn't show up as me. I was very quiet, watered down. very much so still checking the boxes, but not checking them as potent as I normally did. And so very, very easy to hide, When we're trying to literally hide. I've also hid in moments when I found out my daughter in law had cancer. I went into savior mode. Visibility and getting on video wasn't priority, So that was a time when it was it's just not a priority. It's not a priority. started working on getting really visible to AI, getting my Google Knowledge panel earlier this year, for about six weeks, I was pretty much, I would say, in hiding. And it wasn't again, this wasn't necessarily on purpose. It's just I was so exhausted. I did not have the creativity and the capacity to be able to get on video. And then there are flat out times that I have done these things, whether it's, you know, watering myself down or started hiding because of something personal that was going on in my life or I just had no creativity. And what happens is it's that momentum, right? When we create this type of momentum, we just keep going. And momentum can be good. Momentum can be positive, momentum can be negative. And in this instance, it's negative because I keep doing the same thing I was doing, which sometimes is nothing, or it's very watered down, or it's very soft, and it's not really me. And so when I say I know how to get visible and I know how to hide, those are just a few of the examples that I know. And so what I want to talk about today is you could be hiding in plain sight. You could be hiding even if you're showing up. And I want to talk about these and talk you through these to see if you can identify or self-identify somewhere that there's a disconnect that could be hurting your conversions, that could be hurting client attraction, that could be hurting creating raving fans. And I don't want that for you. Listen, there, you know, it's funny because back in 2020, we said, you know, not everybody is on video. I mean, and it feels like today that everybody's on video, but we know that's not true. We know there are more people not on video than there are on video. And so one of the reasons I'm creating this 21-day visibility shift is to show people that they can create 21 videos with me over 21 days and really change their life. And so if you are one of those people that has been showing up or hasn't been showing up, it doesn't matter because it applies to all of us, there's some way we're each hiding. And it's like, can we own that and can we shift that in the way that we show up? So number one, obviously not showing up at all, No video at all. Not showing up at all can look like so many different things. Number one, there's probably a lot of fears. I remember when I had these fears. I remember when I had hives and when I felt paralyzed to get on video. I had to take it away from me. I had it cannot be about me. Because as long as the video was about me, I was never gonna do it. But when I realized that there were people out there that really needed to hear what I had to say. That changed the game for me. This is something we're gonna talk about more in the shift. But a lot of people just don't feel safe to be on video. And so it's more of a nervous system thing, or our brain telling us we can't do it. But the point is that with enough repetitions, you can do anything. Matter of fact, with enough repetitions, This introverted hate being the center of attention who gets hives, who says, says too much, who messes up, who does all the things, Feels Weird when she's not on video. Like I feel in flow when I am on video, but I can still be hiding and feeling in flow, right? So we're gonna keep talking about that. The second one is showing up small on purpose, I just talked about that. You were just shrinking. You know, doing faceless all the time when we don't need to be faceless. Quiet when the moment calls for like, I need you to be loud because your person can't hear you. And I don't mean like yelling like pay attention to me, but I mean being loud, taking up more space, Some of us are taking up as little space as possible just so we can say we showed up. You know, there is a time and and place for faceless and even BTS, but if it's every single time, that's not a strategy, that's hiding. If you're only doing trends with you sitting at a desk or behind the scenes, if you're only doing faceless, like your feet walking or this or what you see around you, if that's all you're doing, you're missing the connection piece. Which it means no wonder you're not getting the conversions and the results that you desire. It's just not going to be there. The third thing is showing up to check a box. That means I'm present, I'm showing up, I'm consistent. But there is conviction that is lacking. There's certainty that could be lacking. There is connection that could be lacking. There's clarity that can be lacking. It means that you're phoning it in. Now, when we think about the word consistent, consistency looks different every single day. And I'm the first to tell you that. We talked about that in the momentum program. But that's still not a reason to not play to your highest level, to not constantly stretch and put yourself out there. So, what does this mean? If I could literally never talk about what I do and I could never help another person, how would I feel? Or If I knew today I'm gonna show up and every single person in my feed has this exact same pain, the exact same problem, and I have the solution, why would I hold that to myself? Why would I not feel something so deeply that I want to share it with them? So we gotta look at it like consistency without conviction is just a disciplined way to hide. The funny thing is when I first started getting really consistent on video, I heard all the time, you are so successful, You do all these things, you're not afraid of video, and you hear this a lot, and you're like, oh, like everybody thinks I'm successful because I'm on video. Because most people won't do it. So then you just keep showing up on camera because that looks like success, because people have told you that looks like success. And you're totally at ease on video. You're rarely nervous. Like you can literally turn on the camera and boom, you know exactly what to talk. I did this the other day on YouTube Live. I just pressed go live and I just started talking. I didn't know what I was gonna say, but I figured it out and I and I did it, right? However, when we do this, if it never costs us anything, we've stopped stretching. One the things that my husband used to coach football, what was the quote he said, when you practice like you're playing, you'll play like you practice, So basically, like everything you do, you go all in, You just don't halfway do something just to check a box. Like you go all in, you feel it, like you feel everything about it. Like you're running the play you already know that works, but you're just running it because it's almost like choreography, Like you can you can be a dancer, you can be a cheerleader, you can be whatever, and you can have this choreo, but if you don't feel the choreo, it looks a lot different than somebody doing the same exact move next to you who feels it with every part of their body. And so we've got to think about this because when we are showing up and we're playing it safe. Because we're so used to video and we're so consistent on video, we could truly be more hidden per se than the person that's showing up small, or the person that's showing up to check a box, or the person that's not showing up at all. Because people can't see us because we're not really trying to see them. You know, one of the definitions that I love about visibility, and I came up with this right before a speech that I was gonna give a year ago. And visibility is seeing ourselves first. We have to know who we are. The second is allowing ourselves to be seen by our audience. The third thing is they feel seen through us. So if we're showing up to check a box and we're showing up to talk about us and to be seen per se, we're really unseen because our person doesn't feel seen. It's like, where can I stretch myself? Now, sometimes we stretch ourselves by again being more vulnerable, being more authentic, telling a story that we haven't talked about before. Going back into a wound that is no longer an open wound, but maybe it's a scar. And we know that we could truly save or change someone's life by telling our story. You know, one of the things that I decided that Because I had that moment this year where I wasn't on video as much, I was like, you know what? I need to collapse time. I've collapsed time before. I'm gonna do a hundred lives in July of 2020 and 200 lives in July of 2021. So I'm just we're doing three to four videos every single day. I they don't need to be a long form video, but they're gonna be face to cam video and three to four every single day. That's what we're doing. For the rest of the month of July at least, maybe longer. But I know I can collapse time. I know what all this is gonna do for me. I know not every video is for everyone, but I will say the same things in different ways to attract my person and turn them into raving fans over this time. And I'm not saying this as a a flex because it really is a goal, And I'm looking for discomfort on purpose because there are gonna be days I don't want to do one video. So how on earth am I gonna do three or four? So I wanna challenge you. where is video feeling very, very easy for you and you know you get to step it up? You only uh do recorded heavily edited YouTube videos. Again, go to a YouTube live, do a Facebook live, do a TikTok live. These things will stretch you. Even sometimes getting on TikTok live for me stretches me. But the challenge doesn't always have to be more. It can be different. It can be putting in the reps. It can be challenging yourself like I haven't told my story in let's say three months. Okay, we need to be telling our story at least once a month, friends, specifically on video. Or maybe we haven't talked about our transformation in a while or a recent transformation that we've had. Again, we get to talk about that. So we can think about it as volume, can stretch us, collapse time, put in the reps, It can be a video number, but we can also get more intentional. Let our real self shine through a little more. refusing to water yourself down, saying the things that you've literally been thinking in your head, but you've never said them out loud. It's same discomfort, maybe a little different direction, but one scales out, one scales in, but both. are the opposite of hiding. I want to challenge you. Are you just not showing up? Do you not just feel safe to show up? Are you phoning it in, checking a box? Are you purposely or maybe subconsciously playing small so that you can say video doesn't work because you've been doing it forever? And where do you need to challenge yourself if you're comfortable on video? Cause you still aren't being seen. And listen, this is, I don't care how many views you have. You can have the biggest converting video and have a hundred views. Like that really doesn't matter. Because we think about virality in my world, not by numbers, but by going viral in someone's heart, mind, and soul. And when you truly start turning it up, you start having the feeling behind the content you put out. When you start feeling something, they'll start feeling something. When you start having the conviction and the passion and the certainty, they will feel that from you. Visibility was never about being seen. Plenty of people are being seen and they're still hiding. It really is about being uncomfortable in front of people. I'm modeling this. I go first. I model this right now. I'm modeling it in this present moment. What's the version of a uncomfortable that you have been avoiding? You know what it is. Is it more? Is it deeper? I want to challenge you to pick one and do it this week. Share with me exactly what you're doing. And if you want to join us in the 21-day shift and truly shift your videos, your visibility over 21 days and walk away with 21 videos, whether you decide to post them right away or not, this is for you. You always get to decide. Are you willing to be seen? Are you willing to be heard? And are you willing to show up uncomfortably to not only grow yourself, but to help attract the person that you're trying to help grow as well?