Emotional Intelligence with Brittney-Nichole Connor-Savarda

Join me on this week's episode as I welcome to the show Brittney-Nichole Conor-Savarda  author of The EQ Deficiency and an authority on emotional intelligence. Certified as a Neuro-Linguistic Program (NLP) practitioner, and HeartMath trainer, Brittney-Nichole , known as  the “People Whisperer,” specializes in working one-on-one with high-achieving individuals and entrepreneurs to help them discover a life of fulfillment, balance, and confidence that success and things alone can not satisfy. In addition, she partners with executives and their teams to solve the people problems that are holding them back from innovation and people-centered success.

In our conversation,  Brittney-Nichole shares that when you make the choice to be 100% selfless in your life and aid in the enlightenment of the universe, that the universe makes a way for you . Her own inspiring journey over anxiety and her path to self-discovery through psychology and emotional intelligence serves as a beacon of hope for all.  She details how her desire to make a greater impact led her to write her first book The EQ Deficiency, a blueprint for us all to tap into our emotional intelligence to guide  us through life's twists and turns.

Brittney-Nichole goes on to share that when we are in a state of hustle and grind, we are so focused on the outcome that we tend to not be present in the process of achieving that outcome, and that the anxiety and the worry of other people getting ahead of us is what typically dominates our thinking versus really being passionately connected to the work. In contrast, she details that  when you are in a state of flow you can focus on  getting in the resonance of energy where you can connect a meaning or purpose in what you're doing. 

Our conversation continues on the concept of "surrendering." While people often traditionally associate the term "surrendering" with a sign of weakness, Brittney- Nicole explains surrendering as an empowering phenomenon where when we release our intention to the universe in a state of service., the universe puts things things in our path to support our endeavors and move us forward.  Ultimately, success and growth can be achieved through flow, alignment and surrendering, rather than constant hustle.

As we wrap our discussion,  Brittney-Nichole challenges our conventional thinking on abundance, freedom, and  time. We share our belief that true abundance radiates from within and discuss how surrendering can lead to more freedom and time. We echo the sentiment that being selfless and contributing to the enlightenment of the universe can bring abundance into our lives. Lastly, we spotlight the importance of self-awareness, setting healthy boundaries, and the power of service.

Join us as we challenge norms, stimulate thought, and inspire you to live an extraordinary life.

Guest Links
Website: www.thecatalyst4change.com
Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/living-and-leading-with-emotional-intelligence/id1516136305
Book: https://www.amazon.com/EQ-Deficiency-Emotional-IntelligenceCompassion/dp/1734732806
IG

Connect with Michelle Rios:
IG: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.rios.official/
FB: https://www.facebook.com/michelle.c.rios
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3ahwTlqiLU&list=PL-ltQ6Xzo-Ong4AXHstWTyHhvic536OuO
Website: https://michelleriosofficial.com

Transcript

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 0:00

I. believe . when you make the cjoice to be 100% selfless in your life and aide in the enlightenment of the u hat t the tuniverse universe universe. universe

Michelle Rios: 0:16

Hi, I'm Michelle Rios, host of the Live your Extraordinary Life podcast. This podcast is built on the premise that life is meant to be joyful, but far too often we settle for less. So if you've ever thought that something is missing from your life, that you were meant for more, or you simply want to experience more joy in the everyday, then this podcast is for you. Each week, I'll bring you captivating personal stories, transformative life lessons and juicy conversations on living life to the fullest, with the hope to inspire you to create a life you love on your terms, with authenticity, purpose and connection. Together, we'll explore what it means to live an extraordinary life, the things that hold us back and the steps we all can take to start living our best lives. So come along for the journey. It's never too late to get started and the world needs your light.

Michelle Rios: 1:19

I am so excited that on today's episode I have my guest Brittany Nicole Conor-Servata, author of the EQ Deficiency, an Authority on Emotional Intelligence, and Justin All around Amazing Human being. She is a background in education and psychology. She's certified as a neuro-linguistic program practitioner and a heart math trainer. She's credentialed as the People Whisperer and we're going to talk more about that because indeed she is. She's just this all around beautiful, very insightful being, and I am so grateful that she's joining me today. Welcome, brittany Nicole.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 2:00

Thank you, michelle. It's a pleasure to be here and it's so funny hearing my bio read, because I used to get so pumped and excited and say, oh yeah, I did that and I did that and I did that, and now it's like I would scrap all of that because none of that really matters.

Michelle Rios: 2:16

Except for we need it. So here's the other thing and I failed to mention this and it's important Brittany Nicole has founded Emotional Intelligence Magazine. Please go and check that out. It's all things emotional intelligence To learn more about what it is. We're going to talk more about that today and why it matters, and how to really become more proficient in understanding EQ and increasing your EQ. So, without further ado, brittany Nicole, thank you so much for coming on today. Thanks, michelle.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 2:49

I'm excited. It's a pleasure to be here.

Michelle Rios: 2:51

I've thoroughly enjoyed our conversation, so I'm really excited to have this one Me too, because I know that we could talk for hours and not get bored. Yes, and we have. There's so many places to go, but I'm going to start just with helping people understand a little bit more about you and your background and how you came to get into this space. I mean, you're an accomplished author. The EQ deficiency I'll again include it in the show notes so people can find it. How did you make a decision? At some point you said this is it. I need to really spend time focusing my energy on emotional intelligence and bringing that into the world.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 3:29

It all really started unknowingly when I was 23, which is my magic number. I'm learning. I had spent the first 23 years of my life adopting the beliefs and the condition behaviors that was kind of passed down through my family, through my society, my local community. All that to say that by the time I was 15, 16, I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, ocd and ADD. At the time I was really excited because it gave me an excuse to project all my insecurities and my unaddressed trauma and emotions onto other people. I would just say I can't help it. This is who I am. These are the conditions that I have that are causing me to react this way. That worked for a while.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 4:25

Then I moved to Charlotte, north Carolina, where I'm currently presiding now, to get into a new relationship. I left the person I had been with since I was 15. I thought you know what? I am, away from my small town, I'm away from all the people and the problems that have aided in my misery. I'm starting a new life and I'm going to be a new me. It felt like that for about three months. I think three months is that sweet spot where all of our problems start to resurface. The new starts to not be new anymore. We see that in our relationships. When we get into a new job, the true colors whatever you want to call it start to resurface.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 5:08

The person I was dating at the time was like who is this? He ultimately, after a little bit, gave me an ultimatum Either you get yourself together or we're done. And I have been codependent in my prior relationship and I wasn't this relationship too. So I'm like no, I can't live without you. I don't know what to do without having someone. That was my validation for love and self-worth and everything.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 5:34

And so I went back to college for psychology. I was like you know what? This is an opportunity to get a degree in psychology and figure myself out at the same time, and that was great. I did learn a lot. I learned how our thoughts elicit these neurotransmitters in our brain that causes stuff to feel and these emotions. And if we're able to self-regulate and do some exercises like breath work and meditation exercise, et cetera, change our thoughts, then we can change the chemical reaction. And so I wanted to play with that a little bit more. I wanted to see can I reverse these diagnoses myself?

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 6:13

And I went through a year of just I read like 63 self-help books in a year. I just was absorbing things like a sponge, applying everything I could, and I started to see a change. I went from being a C-minus student to graduating college with honors on the chancellor's list. I got off all my medications. I used to have panic attacks out of the blue ceased. Those became very comfortable with my relationship with myself and decided the relationship I was in was not serving me and it was not serving them. And I ended that and I stopped chasing and started being. And then everything started to fall into place and I'm like what in the world is this? And that was my first experience really applying emotional intelligence or developing that EI and seeing the power it had. But at the time I still didn't know what I was developing.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 7:06

It wasn't until maybe a year or two later I read Daniel Goldman's book, emotional Intelligence, and I was working in corporate at the time and I started to see all these behaviors that I once exhibited manifesting in leadership in my coworkers. And I would hear everybody talk about how hateful and nasty these individuals were, how they were just terrible, nasty people. But I empathize with those terrible, nasty people. Quote unquote I don't like labels on people, because I saw myself in them and I realized that, no, they just have unhealed trauma that they may be completely unaware of and just don't have the self-awareness and the resources to know how to process those emotions effectively. So they were just reacting. So I started talking about it and people said man, you're really passionate about this. Have you thought about doing this as a career? I'm like no, but now I am.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 7:56

So in 2018, I left corporates, founded Catalyst for Change, started speaking, facilitating coaching, and then that led to me writing the book and launching my podcast, living and Leading with Emotional Intelligence.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 8:10

But I didn't feel like I was making a big enough impact. I wanted to reach more people, because when I heard others talk about emotional intelligence, it was a very high level, superficial understanding and delivery of this skill set, and people were using it as a check the box, a means to an end, and if we use it that way, it's gonna be completely ineffective and people say I told you this was BS, right? So I founded Emotional Intelligence Magazine to create content that I could not find online that really explained the depths of this skill and instead of saying this is what it is and this is how to develop it more so, what are the things that are preventing us from developing it? Because it's not that we lack information, it's we lack the sense of urgency to apply, and there's this underlying, I believe, fear and insecurity there for that lack of application. So that's what led me to where I am today, and I'm gonna go to my grave teaching and preaching this stuff.

Michelle Rios: 9:14

I love this. You said something and I wanna back up and focus on that for a minute. At some point I stopped chasing and I started being Talk more about that. That resonates with me at such a deep level.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 9:28

In our society it's always about conquering the next thing and the next thing, and we don't really take the time to always celebrate completing something, because we feel like if we stop and celebrate and just enjoy being in the present, then other people are gonna surpass us.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 9:50

And the counter to that is actually true. The more that I learned to be and sit in stillness and connect with the inner wisdom where all information has manifested from, I think we forget that, that everything that we know today, all the information that we share, came from someone's inner wisdom, and now we're just borrowing that and claiming it as our own without having the holistic totality of the meaning that is the wisdom. Right, I know that's like a mouthful, but when I started to just be, it was super uncomfortable. I had a lot of thoughts. I was just like I don't like this, and so I had to force myself. And then I started to ask myself well, why am I uncomfortable? What is it that my emotions are trying to tell me? That I'm pushing away? And when I just surrendered and I use that word all the time, surrender when I surrendered to my being and everything that it was trying to tell me, information came flooding in at such a degree that I could have been doing for months and never acquired that level of knowledge.

Michelle Rios: 11:03

Okay, that's amazing and I wanna ask is that how the EQ deficiency came to be? Talk to me about that process, because I know people listening in. There are gonna be some people who are like, wow, she's written a book and you've launched a magazine. These are big endeavors and, for those people that might be interested in pursuing these kinds of avenues of doing big things, how was it that you brought this into being? How did you bring it into life?

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 11:32

When I wrote the EQ deficiency I was not in the place that I am now. I was in a very intellectual space. I was in my head, I knew things, but I didn't connect with those things on a deeper level. When I read the book now, it still has a lot of valid, valuable, important information that will meet most people where they are. If I were to write another which I am writing another book, it's going to be at a much higher level that I don't know how many people can comprehend it. The EQ deficiency is a perfect book for people diving into this space, but I was not in the space that I am today. The reason that I decided to write that book so it was pre-pandemic when I thought about writing it.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 12:18

Two months prior to pandemic, my husband and I just got back from a delayed honeymoon. It was right around the holidays in December. We just got back from Christmas stuff. I didn't have any engagements for another few weeks. I was bored out of my mind and I'm sitting on the couch and I was a doer. I always had to be producing or doing something. I was frustrated with everybody pointing fingers for why our systems are broken and why people can't be kind to one another. Everybody was blaming the wrong thing. I said I can't handle this anymore. I got up from the couch and I said I'm going to go upstairs and write a book.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 12:57

I literally just said that and I started writing immediately.

Michelle Rios: 13:01

I can actually picture this perfectly, knowing you. Now, I love this.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 13:06

Yeah, I got up and said I'm going to go write a book. Yeah, I was restless. I was so restless and I got up and I started writing and within a week it was so bizarre how it happened Within a couple of days I had designed a book cover because I used to be a photographer way back in the day I was very well versed in Photoshop I designed a cover, I printed it out, I wrapped it around a book that I already had and I put it on top of my desk and I looked at it every day and I just created a schedule. Today I'm going to write 500 words. Tomorrow, based on the meetings I have, I can write 1500 words Every day.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 13:43

I stuck with a schedule and I was able to complete the book. I started January 4th. I finished it March 13th. Then, of course, I had to go through the editing process, but it was out by September. This book, I will say that I'm writing now, is not going to happen like that. I'm going to be with the second book instead of filling the urgency to force it out.

Michelle Rios: 14:06

I love this so much. Okay, flow versus hustle and grind what comes up for you? You and I have had a very extensive conversation about this. I've been out in the corporate space now for nearly 30 years more than 25. Let's just put it that way. I would say more than half of my career was driven exclusively on hustle and grind. Yet the biggest growth as an executive and a leader has come under the auspice of what I would call flow and alignment. What comes up for you when I say flow versus hustle and grind?

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 14:48

I speak with my friend every single day on a regular basis. Sometimes he'll say so what are you doing today? Before, I would just ramble off all the things I had on my to-do list. I felt proud to share everything that I was going to accomplish that day and knock out. Now, if he asked me that, I get irritated and I say you know what, Don't ask me that anymore, because I go where my energy flows.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 15:14

Now, granted, there's always going to be deadlines for certain things. I don't wait till the last minute. But if I'm feeling like working on editing something like a podcast or an article, then that's what I do. If I'm not feeling like doing it, I say, well, what else needs to get done eventually that I can work on? I don't force anything To me. That's what flow is. Some people are going to say, well, if I'm working for someone else, I don't really have a choice. Sometimes, what I focus on it's just getting in the resonance of energy where you can connect a meaning or purpose in what you're doing. I think that's the biggest thing, Whereas when I think of hustle and grind, you are so focused on the outcome that you're not present in the process of achieving that outcome, and the anxiety and the worry of other people getting ahead of you is dominating versus really being passionately connected to your work.

Michelle Rios: 16:13

That's how I define it. That's a really good definition. I would say it doesn't feel like inspired action when I think of those words Now, it might mean something else to somebody else, but certainly my historic understanding of it and experience of it is more of the embracing to an outcome. I'm going to grind it out to get it done, not really thinking about the energy, in fact ignoring the energetic connection, because I got to get through this no matter what you pour the other cup of coffee or what have you. That's important. What do you think is the biggest misconception about the process of achievement or success? When you think about how people are like I'm going to go write a book, I'm going to go launch a podcast, I'm going to go, whatever it is, achieve something. What do you think is the biggest misconception that people have?

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 17:08

That doing more is better, putting more content out there. It's so hard to explain, to just be. It's one of those things that I think people really struggle to understand. I think another thing is if I do this, if I achieve this, then I'm going to feel better about myself and my self-confidence and my self-worth is going to increase from that. It very well could. It really depends on where your headspace is. However, what I would ask is how would you feel if you weren't able to achieve that? How would you feel about yourself then if you couldn't? If the answer is well, I would feel like a loser and worthless.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 17:53

Then you're not achieving for the right reasons. If you're achieving, because I'm still trying to achieve things, but it's not a forced achievement my achievement is I just want to serve. There isn't a blueprint for what that looks like. I don't have a five-year plan anymore. Before I had a five-year plan. I'm going to give a TED Talk and I'm going to speak to X number of people and I'm going to make this much money. If I am achieving for those superficial goals, then I'm not going to be content. If I say I am going to be a spaceholder for people, I am going to be whatever people need me, whenever they need me to be that for them. I'm still trying to achieve something in life to be a giver, to be someone who serves, but there isn't a self-proclaimed blueprint, it just is All right, I'm going to push on that a little bit just to be controversial.

Michelle Rios: 18:48

I agree with you, but I do think the pushback comes with. But how do you get things really done? Or what about the fact that identifying the TED Talk or the podcast or whatever it is that you want to achieve is part of the visualization process, that until you say what your intention is, it's not going to come to fruition? We really need to be clear on our intention first, and then maybe the process could flow more. What do you say about that?

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 19:21

I wouldn't say that and please correct me if I'm misunderstanding. I wouldn't say that saying I want to give a TED Talk is an intention. I intend to be a well-known speaker. That's not an intention. That's still an outcome. The intention is why. Why do you want to give a TED Talk? Why do you want to be a well-known speaker? If you're honest with yourself, most people that have labeled I want to give a TED Talk. I need to give a TED Talk because blah, blah, blah.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 19:52

Their intention isn't rooted in selflessness. It's rooted in something that they want. If your true intention is to serve or to reach as many people as possible, you don't have to define what that looks like. The universe and whether people believe in this or not. This is what I have found to be true. For me, when I surrender and say my intention is to serve, the universe puts things in my path, for example, this year. This year has definitely been the most profitable year and I was really struggling to get paid engagements. Everybody was like we don't have a budget pro bono and I just surrendered to that. Yes, I did want to give more speaking engagements, but my intention was I just want to reach as many people this year, as I possibly can, and within the first month I got five paid speaking engagements. I didn't go to anybody, they came to me. So that word surrender there and that is difficult for people to do. Intention isn't a specific thing. An intention is a value and a motion that leads you in the right direction for whatever opportunity.

Michelle Rios: 21:02

So the question we should be asking ourselves is what is your, why and you?

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 21:06

can have multiple lies right. I wouldn't even say what is the why, but what are the feelings that you want to elicit in others? What are the things you want to discover in yourself? I always want to start with what do you want to learn about yourself that is going to help serve the world? Because service is the, I believe, ultimate objective If you want to be fulfilled. Serve, but don't serve superficially, because if you say, oh, I went and volunteered at the food bank, if you were doing that to feel good about serving, that's not service. What dawned on me two days ago in the discussion I told you when I like to joke, that's my mind, because I lost all sense of identity and self in regards to what I wanted. I felt complete for the very first time in my life, like totally complete game of life, completed mission, accomplished. Now what? Oh well, now I have nothing else to do but serve others. Service becomes an honor versus a commitment.

Michelle Rios: 22:10

I'm going to stand this vein because I'm going to connect it to another thing that you and I like to talk about, and that's alignment and really understanding when you are in alignment to something or for something, because not everybody is going to be energetically matched for the same things. So talk about how does one know when they're truly in alignment? What does it feel like, what does it look like?

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 22:37

Well, I can't speak to what it feels or looks like for other people. I can only speak about how it felt for me. But there is this lightness about me where I felt heavy. Now I don't feel heavy, I don't get anxiety, I don't let anything phase me, I don't think about the future, I don't. I don't think about the future, I don't think about the past, I think about now. Now, granted, I have a presentation coming up Tuesday. Well, of course I think about it, but I'm not getting wrapped up in it. I don't worry about how it's going to go.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 23:12

If I'm prepared, because I know I am I would just say a complete lack of anxiety, of fear, of worry, a complete surrender washes over me. And it doesn't mean that every day I am happy, because happiness is a fleeting emotion, but I'm content. And when I get into a lull or I feel listless, I'm like, okay, this sucks, but I know it'll pass. And it's probably because I observed somebody yesterday being nasty to another person and that just made me sad. It has nothing to do with me, it's just I observe something that elicited an unpleasant emotion. But you detach yourself from everything. It's a complete detachment and surrender.

Michelle Rios: 23:58

That's what it is for me. I would agree with you. For me it's a sense of peace. So, like you said, the absence of fear, the absence of anxiety, the absence of this angst, for me it's a very peaceful lightness of being. It just feels right in your bones, it just feels easy, like yep, this is what I'm supposed to do next.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 24:17

And it's not conditional, right, because we can all be in that space of ah, I feel good, because everything is in that moment in alignment. But when you are aligned, it doesn't matter what the moment brings, you still are unaffected by that. That's when you can tell. So if your mood fluctuates, like if things are just chaos, then you're not there yet. Right, it's not one of those things that comes and goes. It's a steady, consistent.

Michelle Rios: 24:48

Despite the external conditions in which you're walking through. I think, I agree, you could walk through this storm and still feel a level of peace and contentment. Yeah, absolutely All right. Let's talk abundance, because you mentioned with a greater state of being in this year. It's been one of the most profitable years and I think that's really important for people to hear. I'd love to hear about your thoughts and abundance, how it's worked for you, how you tap into it and where you've found blocks.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 25:21

For me, abundance has nothing to do with money at all. I know a lot of people like to associate abundance with material wealth and material world. When I first started my business, I had about a year and a half's worth of savings built up because I'm like I'll be profitable in like three months, maybe six at most a year. And then I got to three and a half years. I'm like what is happening and I had to rely very heavily on my husband and I was anxious, I was overwhelmed. I was just watching the money drain out of my account and that was a terrible feeling and I surrendered to the process of just being about, I would say halfway through. And I've been in that space for about two years now and I still wasn't making any money. But I was at peace with not making money. And when I became at peace with not making money and focused on my intention to serve, then people gravitated more towards me.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 26:23

When I think about abundance, this is my definition of abundance. Am I free to explore life? Am I free to go out in the woods for 10 hours and not have to worry about coming back and doing work? Am I free to travel the world and taste things For me. I'm an experienced person all the way, so if I get money which obviously some things do take money to experience, but that's what it's about for me If I can just experience life, that's abundance.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 26:56

And I could just sit in my room like when I am able to tap into that inner wisdom, that is the greatest trip that you will ever take, is within yourself, because it's endless. There are endless possibilities of self discovery and the insights that have come to me through that. If somebody said you can have these internal insights and never travel ever again and you can live in a small house but have plenty of food in your belly and be healthy, which would you choose? And I would say inner wisdom every time. And so I think we need to shift how we think about abundance, because I believe many of us talk about abundance through the ego, not the true self.

Michelle Rios: 27:38

Granted, but to the point of things cost. If you want to experience some things, we're going to have to come up with resources. I do like the idea of when you surrendered. That's when it actually when we talk about material resources it started actually to come toward you and you attracted it more than when you were pursuing it.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 28:03

Yeah, I think that's the key is like not pursuing it. But I know people who are very wealthy, make really good money and they claim to have attracted abundance. They're also very unhappy. So I think that if we're striving for more money or more things, what we're essentially doing, in my opinion, is distracting ourselves from what really matters in life, and I think that's what we should strive for first, so that when we achieve that, we could have nothing or anything and be just as content, and then you can manifest and make all the money you want and enjoy. But I think too many people are distracting themselves with things and striving for things instead of looking for themselves, because again, then abundance becomes another check the box, like what do I have to do to get that? Oh, I have to surrender. You can't surrender truly if you're still thinking about how to get something else that you don't have.

Michelle Rios: 29:02

Right. I think what you were talking about really is a description of what I would call the broader umbrella of freedom Having the freedom to explore your world, your inner world, your outer world and I do think that that is, ultimately, when people talk about abundance. What they're really talking about is having the resources sufficient to create freedom, and a lot of it, I think, is time and space freedom. Right, because it's one of those that I think most people it's a constant chase your tail, right? Not enough time, not enough time, yes this has been my most profitable year.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 29:45

I am still not making believe it or not as much Now. I may by the end of the year, but so far I have not made as much in this year as I made in corporate in a year Right. So I want to be clear, because I hear what you're saying, Having gotten to this space and this is extremely hard for other people to understand. But freedom and time are in our control, especially time. Like people don't think that time is in their control, it 100% is.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 30:13

I mean I just told you before we hit record, I really haven't stopped doing anything that I wasn't doing before. Yet I found that I have far more time to do the things that bring me joy, like paint and create and go on hikes and walks, and I asked myself how is this possible? I'm still getting things out on the same schedule that I was before. It's like the universe opened that up for me. So I know that sounds wild and trippy and crazy, but I do believe that we're still stuck in the ego when it comes to using the term abundance and how we define freedom and how we define time itself, Because that's a human construct.

Michelle Rios: 30:54

Do you think maybe we're being too held down by the stuff going on in our heads? Maybe?

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 31:01

I think our thoughts are the biggest anchor that we have in holding us back. I believe that our thoughts are directly generated primarily by our ego, which I know is weird because you can have internal dialogue. It's a paradox really. It's very complicated and it's so hard to articulate into words. I just ask that if people really want abundance and freedom, you have to discover yourself first, and if you're not getting it, if you still haven't found that freedom, then you're resisting somewhere in your life, if you haven't completely surrendered. That should be a red flag.

Michelle Rios: 31:38

Let's talk about time, because I love that. You have found sort of like the quantum wrinkle here two more time. It's amazing, and I think the fact that you are still producing and creating and meeting deadlines and you have speaking engagements and you're doing coaching and you're writing your next book which, I might add, is about paradoxes, if I'm not mistaken but now you have seemingly more time. Why do you think that is? What do you think has changed?

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 32:09

I can't say this for certain, but this is what I believe. I believe that when you make the choice to be 100% selfless in your life and aid in the enlightenment of the universe, that the universe makes a way for you.

Michelle Rios: 32:23

That works for me. That was beautifully said, thanks.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 32:27

I truly believe that. I know that people will say well, that's not how physics works, that's not how time works. We all have 24 hours. I agree, we all have 24 hours, and yet I am finding that I have so much free time on my hands where, as before I kid you, not Michelle I was working 14 to 16 hour days, seven days a week, from October 2021 to May of 2022. I did not take a single day off and I was working 14 to 16 hour days every single day. I worked five hours on Christmas and guess what? I haven't stopped doing any of the things that I was doing when I was working this 14 to 16 hour days, and yet now I have free time. I can't explain it. It makes absolutely no sense.

Michelle Rios: 33:15

We're getting better at some of those activities as well. Yes, you're right.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 33:20

But it's just bizarre, the shift in my time.

Michelle Rios: 33:23

Do you think a lot of it has to do? You talked about selflessness in service, the importance of your goal around service and enlightening others. I look at that and I think about that in the detachment from outcome beyond giving, beyond being in service, and I think perhaps that's your loophole in time.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 33:46

Maybe. I mean the first way to be selfless is to be selfish, and the ego warps that and says okay, I'm all about me, I'm not going to care what other people think, I'm going to just be me and people are just going to have to accept it. That's not what selfish or selfless selfishness is. It's you, working on you without interfering in other people's lives, taking care of your wounds, healing your wounds, so that you can be the person that is going to help shift the toxic climate that we're living in today. That's what I mean by being selfishly selfish. And a lot of people say, well, I don't want to serve others, and for the longest time I didn't either. It was all about me, right. And if it's all about you, then that just means that you have needs that you haven't met for yourself. So focus on that. But now, service is an honor. I don't see it as a burden. I see it as something that I enjoy doing. It completes me quite literally, and without it I would be completely bored out of my mind.

Michelle Rios: 34:57

I love this. I mean, you've really done a lot of the work and I think that's the difference of where you were with the first book and where you're going now with the second book. Tell us a little bit about the second book. I know this is the birthing of a new book is going to come at its own time, but tell us about the premise and what you're thinking.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 35:13

That's a really good question, because when I went in the woods two days ago to figure out what I should write in this book, I brought my laptop out and I'm like I've been having writer's block, because originally it was about the true self, the ego and our intentions and how everything can be boiled down to those three things. If our intention is rooted in fear, therefore, it's rooted in the ego. If it's rooted in love, it's rooted in the true self and from that intention, all things manifest. So if you're not happy and content in life, then your intentions are probably rooted in the ego versus the true self, because any intention rooted in love is not going to be in vain, even if you don't see the outcome of that intention.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 35:54

There are so many paradoxes in life and we like to put things in binary categories good, bad, right, wrong and dismiss the context or imply a context that serves us in the moment to prove our point. And the ego? Again, it just wants to be right and in control. So I was going to break down all these things why we do the things that we do, why we can look at someone who seems to be such a good person and then they do something and you're like oh, I thought they were a good person, now they're not. Well, you just switched the bucket like a good person to a bad person, without realizing the complexity of all of us. Right, none of us are perfect, and why don't we give each other grace?

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 36:39

Again, it's all coming from the ego. However, when I went in the woods, I was like okay, this book isn't about other people, this book should be for me. So I'm trying to decide how I want to reframe it, but I think it's going to go roughly in the same direction. But we'll just see, because I just go where my energy flows and I don't get to attach to anything, because the most beautiful thing that I can create is going to come from just surrendering and letting it happen through me instead of trying to force it. So we'll see what it looks like.

Michelle Rios: 37:11

I love that. All right, tell me a little bit about your non-negotiables. What is it that's a non-negotiable for? Brittany Nicole, in order to be at your highest state of expression? You know, I never really thought about that before. For me, it's sleep. I will say that I need my sleep.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 37:29

Okay, yeah, definitely sleep. Mm-hmm, If I do not have eight hours I struggle. And it's funny that you mentioned that, because I went to Craig Siegel's CLS Live in New York back in I wanna say February, and we were at dinner and I'm like one of those introverted extroverts. When I'm around people, I'm fun, I have a good time, I enjoy it, but my energy starts to drain and when my energy is drained I have to go home. And I'm sitting there and I started to feel like I was having this out-of-body experience because I was so exhausted and I looked at Kelly Siegel not related for those things and it looks at Kelly. It's like I'm just gonna have to go, like I don't wanna go. They hadn't even served dessert yet. I got tiramisu and I love tiramisu and I'm like I have to leave.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 38:19

So that is definitely a non-negotiable for me. When my body tells me it's tired, I have to exit. If I don't, I feel like I've been in one of those interrogation rooms where they keep you up for like 48 hours. Seriously, I hope I never put into that situation, because I would totally tell them anything they wanted to get from sleep. I know I would. I would break quicker than probably anyone. And I would say, another non-negotiable for me is like I'm not gonna allow someone to tell me who I am. They can tell me who they think I am. I'm fine with that. If you wanna say I think you're a blah blah, blah blah, okay cool. But if someone says you are, that's where I draw the line. I have learned to set healthy boundaries and, I think, sleep boundaries. Those are probably my non-negotiables.

Michelle Rios: 39:13

I love it All right. Last thing your motto. What do you live by? What's something? When you think about your way of living and I know this has evolved for you significantly, even in the recent years when you think about your approach to life, what would you say? Your motto is I'll call it what you want, but your MO.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 39:34

I would say stillness and surrender If I had two words like. I don't even know if that's a motto, but I try to live every day, surrendering to something greater than myself and not getting so busy that I lose track of what I believe is my purpose.

Michelle Rios: 39:54

Beautiful, I'm gonna give you the floor for the last word. What would you like to leave our audience with Something for them to think about in this space of emotional intelligence, surrender, authenticity, alignment something for them to think about as they go away from this conversation?

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 40:12

It all starts with self-awareness. If we wanna change the world, become self-aware. If everybody became self-aware then we wouldn't have the problems that we have today. And self-awareness is really hard because it takes us putting aside the ego which many of us don't even realize we're operating from. If you say I don't have an ego and I'm not operating from it, then that right, there is a sign that you are, because I know I have an ego and I know when it creeps up and I know when to put it back into its place. I think if we develop curiosity, understanding and compassion compassion was the first thing I needed to develop before I could develop self-awareness and that self-compassion allowed me to become curious about the darkest parts of myself, with that compassion right and through that curiosity that led to understanding. So curiosity, compassion, understanding will help you develop that self-awareness and self-awareness will change the world because you're changing yourself.

Michelle Rios: 41:15

I love it. With that, we're gonna give this a wrap. Thank you so much, brittany and Nicole. Thank you, michelle. As always, it was a pleasure hearing from you, and you're just wise beyond your years, and I cannot wait to see what you bring into the world next, because I know it's gonna keep all of us searching for answers and wanting to know more and staying curious. So thank you for your time today. It's been a pleasure.

Brittney-Nicole Conor-Savarda: 41:42

It's been a pleasure, it's been a pleasure.

Michelle Rios: 41:44

It's been a pleasure. It's been a pleasure. It's been a pleasure. Thank you for listening to today's episode. If you enjoyed this podcast episode, please take a moment to rate and review. If you have recommendations for future topics, please reach out to me at MichelleRiosOfficialcom. Lastly, please consider supporting this podcast. By sharing it. Together, we can reach, inspire and positively impact more people. Thank you, MUSIC.