A Call to Courage with Kena Paranjape

In this episode of the Live your Extraordinary Life podcast, I'm joined by the radiant Kena Paranjapae -  entrepreneur, writer, and mother and the visionary behind the Be All You Are lifestyle brand. Our conversation is a heartfelt foray into the realities of embracing your authentic self amidst navigating the  unknown, death of a spouse, starting over, and the pursuit of an extraordinary life.

In this deeply moving episode, Kena shares her own personal story of triumph from navigating trauma, loss, and grief to starting over at midlife, becoming a mother and finding love all while balancing the demands of career and the call to entrepreneurship. We explore the stories that shape the very core of who we are—the profound losses that redefine our path and the strength found within to create a life rich with purpose. We unpack the grief and growth that comes with losing a partner, the reclamation of self in the aftermath, how reinvention is yours to claim at any time, and how being all you are is the path to fulfillment. Kena's wisdom and insights from her fascinating journey provide a guiding light for anyone traversing the complexities of personal transformation.

Join us for an episode that's a rallying cry for transformation, authenticity, and the unwavering pursuit of living your own extraordinary life.

5:25     Navigating Tragedy and Personal Growth

16:58  A Call to  Courage

27:35  Tools of Titans

34:55  Overcoming Fear and Embracing Growth

41:53. Exploring Inner Voice and Honoring Your the Wisdom from Within

Connect with Kena:
IG: https://www.instagram.com/kena_allyouare/

Connect with Michelle Rios:
IG: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.rios.official/
FB: https://www.facebook.com/michelle.c.rios
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3ahwTlqiLU&list=PL-ltQ6Xzo-Ong4AXHstWTyHhvic536OuO
Website: https://michelleriosofficial.com

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Fear blocks us from so much. It blocks us from a more expansive life. It blocks us from being who we're meant to be, from embracing our soul's path, and all of those things. That is why we want to face fear. Sure, we could be comfortable and we could stay feeling safe, although we can only control that for so long. But when we are willing to face our fears, we are opening ourselves up to so much more than we could possibly imagine.

Speaker 2: 0:29

Hi, I'm Michelle Rios, host of the Live your Extraordinary Life podcast.

Speaker 2: 0:39

This podcast is built on the premise that life is meant to be joyful, but far too often we settle for less. So if you've ever thought that something is missing from your life, that you were meant for more, or you simply want to experience more joy in the everyday, then this podcast is for you. Each week, I'll bring you captivating personal stories, transformative life lessons and juicy conversations on living life to the fullest, with the hope to inspire you to create a life you love on your terms, with authenticity, purpose and connection. Together, we'll explore what it means to live an extraordinary life, the things that hold us back and the steps we all can take to start living our best lives. So come along for the journey. It's never too late to get started, and the world needs your light.

Speaker 2: 1:37

Hello everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of the Live your Extraordinary Life podcast. I'm your host, Michelle Rios, and we have a special treat this week. We have on the show Kena Paranjapai. She is the founder of Be All you Are, a lifestyle brand for women. She's also a podcast host by the same name, entrepreneur, writer and mother, and she's a friend of mine. We've known each other now, gosh, almost a year and we do a lot of the same work, and I'm so excited because Kena is working with people who are looking at that next act. What's that next thing around the corner, those transitions, the next chapter, and so we thought it would be ripe to have a really engaging conversation around that today. So, without further ado, Kena, welcome to the show.

Speaker 1: 2:31

Thank you, Michelle. I am so happy to be here with you.

Speaker 2: 2:35

All right, Kena, we're going to start where I start with all my guests, and that's with the question what does it mean to you to live your extraordinary life?

Speaker 1: 2:44

That's such a great question. I'm sure all your guests say that. I feel like, as I was reflecting on this, it's how I would have answered it at 20, 30, and now 48. It has changed so much, but now I think it really is about embracing all that life has to offer and having the willingness to accept the challenges and to accept your journey. I really believe now that we chose to be here, and so, even when I look back at my past, when I think that I chose this path, it makes it so much easier and also clearer what I'm supposed to do and what I'm meant to do, and so I think for me, living an extraordinary life is really just embracing all of it around you and also embracing who you are.

Speaker 2: 3:41

I love that People often ask me. Well, okay, you're the host of a show, live your Extraordinary Life. What does it mean to you? And I say you know it is really being here for it all, and that means you have to experience the good with the bad, and the highs and the lows. It's not a life that's really numbing out the difficult moments. It's actually being the observer in your life so that you can be aware of the fact that this is a journey we're here to learn. I happen to think the same way you do in terms of we chose to be here, we signed up to do this, and I do think that, ultimately, whatever we're doing, at the end of the day, you can sum it up very easily we're here to learn how to love through a variety of different ways, but I think that that's the journey and ultimately, it's about walking each other back home to ourselves, right, and so authenticity is really, for me, like at the heart of it. I know obviously it's baked into the name of your podcast, the name of your brand and be all you are.

Speaker 2: 4:43

Let's talk specifically, kena, if you will, about your journey, because to see you and to know you and to listen to you. You're so pulled together, you're so beautiful, you're such a beacon of light, you're articulate. People can just feel the energy. You're vibrant, so full of life. And so to say, okay, she's also an entrepreneur, not once, but two times over, and she's super successful. Life must have been just an easy ride for Kena, and I know that that's not the case, so why don't you just clue us in? You've had this really spectacular journey, and I think the word extraordinary fits perfectly. Tell us a little bit about how you got to where you are today?

Speaker 1: 5:30

Yes, absolutely. So I just want to like quickly go back to what you said about how we were meant to be here for all of it, and I was thinking as you said that, but nobody told me that, nobody told me that you're meant to be here for all of it. And something clicked when you said that, where I realized I have a seven-year-old daughter and I just took like a mental note that I need to tell her now that she needs to be here for all of it, because I think you know I'm going to share my story, but not that it would have been easier, because you have to go through the pain and the discovery of what something means yourself. But if I had known you have to be here for all of it, it may have helped with how I navigated through all of that. So I married my high school sweetheart and sort of that quintessential boy and girl next door kind of story, and we ended up moving to California basically living a dream life Like he was in the medical device industry working for a startup. I had my dream job in fashion. I was working for Old Navy and Banana Republic. We lived in San Francisco and we were really at the start of our marriage and our careers in a lot of ways.

Speaker 1: 6:40

And then my husband got suddenly very sick and he was in Tucson and I was in San Francisco and I got a call from the doctor, said you have to come right away. So I literally dropped everything and flew to Arizona, not knowing what I was walking into and I was thinking like in a movie of my life that would be like this big moment. Right, that this was the moment everything changed. And when I got there he had pneumonia. But it was like at a rate, they had never seen before the way it progressed. And so by the time I got there they were really concerned that it was a critical moment. And I remember being in the waiting room and them calling me back in to show me the x-rays of his chest, from that morning when I saw him and talked to him and there was like a few white spots on his x-ray and that's how pneumonia presents. And then to that evening when they had intubated him and his lungs were completely white and they hadn't in shock themselves, I could see.

Speaker 1: 7:43

And so I remember being in the waiting room calling his parents, who were in Toronto, and telling them what was going on and basically praying that night in the waiting room alone by myself that he would make it through that night, but it was four months of him in and out of the ICU, mostly in.

Speaker 1: 8:07

The doctors were really doing everything they could to support him through this, to help him heal, and then eventually they were able to stabilize him. But because of what he had been through in those months, he had some damage, right, there was some damage to his body and organs and all of these things, and so when we were finally able to leave the hospital, it was with a permanent medical condition that we had to manage on a daily basis, and so by that time we like moved back to Toronto, because for the two of us to go back to California without any family support, it just wasn't possible. So so, watching him suffer in that way all of those years, and for myself stepping into this caretaker role, how long had you been married when this all happened?

Speaker 2: 9:16

We were married for three years, so very much early in your marriage. Yes, exactly.

Speaker 1: 9:22

Very early in our marriage, so it was eight years. In those eight years my friends were having babies and going on vacations and getting promoted and buying homes and our life situation was just very different and a lot of that was just not available to us. I did realize early on that I needed to not completely let myself drown in the situation. So I did focus on my career, I did start businesses and it was probably my saving grace because I was able to put that creative energy and positive energy into something.

Speaker 1: 9:57

But yeah, that was an eight-year period and then when he was 38, he passed away and we knew that he wasn't going to live until he was 70 or 80 years old and it was just a matter of when. So at 38, I became a widow, if we're going to label it. I was a widow and it sort of began a whole other journey for me, because he had been such a part of my identity for most of my adult life some of my childhood, if you want to look at it like that and I had this kind of an existential crisis at that time of who am I, who do I want to be?

Speaker 2: 10:38

Well, not to mention navigating grief and trauma. This isn't like an acute case and it's over quickly. This was a prolonged condition and trauma over years, and so I can only imagine the toll that takes on your mental health. So kudos for you for finding a way to channel to keep yourself sane, because I can imagine you're like you don't know you, just so many unknowns and hard to make plans and hard to move forward. So to know what it takes to start a business and to know that you didn't have what a lot of people would have to go do that you were facing these some people would say insurmountable situation of imminent death of a spouse and us not knowing when the other she's going to drop. I just I'm marveled that you were able to function. Frankly, it really is quite miraculous.

Speaker 1: 11:36

Thank you, michelle. Yeah, you know, it's so funny because I do think that I did so much work on myself and really began that self-exploratory and more of a spiritual and personal growth journey while he was sick, and so I think that helped so that when he did pass away I had a lot of those tools available to me already. But it's funny because I thought that when he passed away, as much as I was experiencing grief I'd already been grieving all those years watching what had happened to my own life there was so much grief throughout those eight years that in some ways, when he passed away, I thought that my grief was going to be wrapped up in a bow.

Speaker 2: 12:19

Or even to be relieved of this heaviness.

Speaker 1: 12:24

Yep, that's what I need. And there was. It was a sense of peace because he wasn't suffering anymore. But then I needed to focus on myself, right? So it was like, finally I'm focusing on myself and I kind of laugh about it, because at the time I thought it was fine because I wasn't drowning and hiding from the world and I wasn't drinking too much, I wasn't doing any of those self-destructive behaviors, I was going to therapy and I had my friends and I thought that I was fine. And it's only now, when I look back, I realize how not fine I was.

Speaker 2: 12:59

So amazing, and it's also a testament of the fact that if you are doing work on yourself, no matter what kind of circumstances you're facing, the investment in your own personal exploration and your faith, I'm sure, tested many times over and just trying to better understand why we're here and all those big questions has to, on some level, help put things into some sort of perspective. I still think being 30 and facing this kind of challenge is a heavy burden that people shouldn't have to go through. But here we are right, this is something that was very real for you.

Speaker 1: 13:38

Yes, exactly, and I did feel like I knew things that my peers at that time didn't know, and it wasn't because I had read them in a book, it wasn't because I had studied it, it was because I had lived it and I had this deep knowing and understanding of it, and it was like I would attract people to me who almost could sense it, and so I would find myself supporting people. And it surprised me because I wasn't trying to be anything, I wasn't trying to teach anything, but it was just sort of this transfer of this deep knowledge that happened just by being near someone.

Speaker 2: 14:15

It's beautiful. I mean, I think on a very spiritual level, there's got to be a part of you, that part that's eternal, the soul, whatever you want to call it. For me it's the soul or the spirit that becomes the all-knowing right. That's the North Star. That's where the intuition lies, and you probably got a dose of heavy deep intuition and knowing during those years that many people never experienced, because they didn't go through the same kind of hardship, or maybe any, during that period, because that was so early in life that that's probably one of those things that your senses around intuition are probably much sharper than the average person.

Speaker 1: 14:57

Yeah, I think that's true and I think that, to your point, going through something like that and to that extreme, what I realized very quickly was my traditional methods of finding the answers, or solutions like asking my mom or reading in a book. Yeah, exactly, though the answers weren't there, like my situation was so specific and so odd and extraordinary that I went on this journey to find those answers and then I realized that I had them within, and not without support, not without, obviously, therapy and reading those books and tapping into my spirituality, but I only found that sense of comfort and that sense of okay, this is how to look at this or this is how to see this from within.

Speaker 2: 15:49

So tell us a little bit sadly, your husband passed away at 38. You were both 38. You were living in Toronto and you don't have children. At this point you haven't bought a house. I'm sure your career was kicking, because I can just tell that you probably poured yourself into that just to stay sane. How do you pivot from that? You said it was an existential crisis moment in probably a lot of ways, because your entire identity in your adulthood was somehow tied to being a wife of this man who no longer is in your life.

Speaker 1: 16:22

Yes, it's such a beautiful question because I feel like as much as that part of my life defines me, like that experience with my husband passing away, I've really stepped into my company's called All you Are, and I've really stepped into that since his passing right Since then, the way I reacted to his passing was this feeling of, oh my God, I'm 38 years old and I'm a widow and I've mostly been with this one man my entire life and I was almost panic. Okay. So there was a part of me that was panicking and there was a part of me that was like I am young and I am vibrant and I had this whole life to live, right. But there was also a bit of panic because I didn't know how to be in that world. And so I met somebody well, he's my daughter's father and at the time it was like a knight in shining armor basically riding up on horse, and I think it was really a part of my healing process and very quickly became pregnant with my daughter Nova, who, when I talk about embracing all the parts of your journey, I had always wanted to be a mother and all through those years with my husband, we tried different things and it just didn't work, and so there was a big part of me that wondered if that was in my future.

Speaker 1: 17:46

And then, very quickly, I'm pregnant with this beautiful girl who's now seven, and she's just such a delight, like she was absolutely meant to be. She absolutely chose. I know she chose. And actually when she was two and a half years old she stood up in her crib after a nap and I was going in to get her and she said Mama, I chose you out of all the mamas to be my mom. She said that to me at two and a half I chose you out of all the mamas.

Speaker 2: 18:12

So yeah, I really believe it. Goosebump moment. That's going to make me share just for a minute, because I think this is a really, really special share there. I totally believe that my son was about three. My parents were visiting and he was alone with them in his room and my dad happened to have a picture of his mother in his wallet. I didn't have any pictures of my grandmother out anywhere, but my son never met her. He came a year after she passed away and I was very close with her, so my dad had taken it. And he goes, alex. My son said I know that lady. She made me soup and she told me to take care of my mommy. My parents were just like and they said do you know her? Oh, yes, I've spent time with her Three. Doesn't remember it now?

Speaker 1: 19:03

but I had that crawling on my scalp.

Speaker 2: 19:05

you know, when you get like that feeling, a tingling, but like when they're that young, you just know it's just pure soul, pure spirit channeling. He has no recollection of this now, but we all still get goosebumps retelling the story. He didn't remember telling us this at four or five like it had gone away, which is sad, but like that early age when they are so in tune to where they're from. Yes, it's so beautiful, so you met Nova's father.

Speaker 1: 19:36

Yes, okay, but you know, I think that there is like that saying that you keep getting confronted with the same lessons until you've learned them. It's so true, yeah, and I think that there was some learning that I needed as part of that relationship and of course, I honor and respect him as Nova's dad. But, yeah, that relationship didn't work out, and then it was again me didn't work out, and then it was again me now with a daughter and finding my path. And now I have a partner who's incredible and we have a grown up relationship. And with my first partner, with my husband, we were young when we came together, still growing up. Yeah, there's still a bit of that youthfulness to the relationship, and so now I have a very grown up relationship and we like talk things out and there's not a lot of drama, it's great Night and day.

Speaker 2: 20:28

Yes, you wanted passion when you were younger and then you realize passion is highly overrated, when you realize in the heat of an argument it goes sideways yes, big time. So I love this because, for our listeners, I just want you to think for a minute here. Kana is at 38, a widow, and then, in your mid 40s, a single mom. So you've gone through some life experiences, one after the other, that most people don't. And so again, to meet Kana and to listen to her as you are now, you can tell she's just sure she's a former executive, she's a girl who's got it all together and she understands how life really works. But she has gone through some pretty big challenges and navigated beautifully.

Speaker 1: 21:18

Thank you, michelle, but you know, what's interesting to me is is like the way that when I look back again and when I look at how I approach each of those things. So for me, when I realized that my relationship with Noah's dad wasn't meant to be, the part that I struggled with almost the most was this idea that I was a widow and now am I going to be a single mom and now I'm going to be a divorcee. I think our minds go to the label and to the story that we're telling ourselves about who we think we are or, more so, how we think other people will see us, and importantly, what that label means in society.

Speaker 1: 22:02

Exactly so this concern of like, how are people going to look at me and see me? And it's funny because I don't do that at all anymore. I have completely let that go, and it makes me laugh almost to think that I might have, like, stayed in a relationship that wasn't right because I didn't want to be labeled.

Speaker 2: 22:22

But it's understandable Exactly and the fact that you were able to muster the courage to say yeah, no, this isn't what is supposed to be happening for me. I need to move forward. That's where I think a lot of people get stuck, and so I'm extremely grateful that you're telling this story, because I know there are people who are listening that may have a marriage or a relationship they're in that isn't actually feeding their soul the way it should, or in a job that's not fulfilling, or experiencing just an unfulfilling life, and to see that you've been confronted with so many different challenges, and to see you have the courage to say, okay, these are the cards I've dealt, move forward or moving forward. It's always been a forward progression for you, and you've gotten better and your life has gotten more enriched, and I think that's a really important takeaway. So go ahead, keep going. I'm fascinated.

Speaker 1: 23:28

No, I love that you point that out, and I think that's exactly what I want your listeners to hear is that if you are in that place, it is understandable Like it is understandable to be worried about those things and to have those thoughts, as maybe your initial thoughts. But what you said about moving forward, that's exactly right. It's like don't let that stop you, don't let that be the block that keeps you from that more beautiful and expansive life. And as I sit here in this home that I have found for my daughter and I, it's just so perfect for us and I'm in this nurturing partnership that is so fulfilling and I feel that I'm truly thriving. And this is, after all, these extremely challenging things that could take somebody down.

Speaker 1: 24:19

So I want to just remind you that you have that in you. You have that in you to take whatever, because life gives you things. Yes, you co-create, but life can hand you a lot of crap, yeah for sure. And it's like what do we do with that? And how do we realize that there is so much that we do have agency over that we can control, in spite of all those things that we can't? How?

Speaker 2: 24:46

did you in particular, find and muster the courage to make each of the leaps you needed to make to get to the next point of your life? I know that we can look back and say, look, I don't want to live with regrets, and there are a lot of people I know that you're very familiar with the same study out of Australia with patients that were hospice patients that recorded like the biggest regrets of the dying being I didn't live a life true to myself and that's been a very big motivator for me at this stage of my life. But I was not aware of that 20 years ago or 10 years ago. This is a more recent understanding, maybe in the last five years, and it really has been a driver for me. But for you I'm curious how did you find the courage to say yep, this isn't working.

Speaker 2: 25:42

Next, and build businesses while you're going through all of this Because you have to take care of your daughter and you have to move on and you are thriving and you're doing your soul's work? Tell us a little bit about that, because I can imagine listeners out there going okay, but how did she do it? It's one thing to know that I should do something different, but fear is blocking me.

Speaker 1: 26:07

Yeah, it's such a powerful question and I'm really trying to answer from that like that really sort of deep place that drove me in those moments and I think for me I'm just actually going back to. This is quite hilarious that who I'm going to reference in this moment. But I'm going back to my last boss, who was Seth Rogen the actor, the comedian actor and I worked for him for three years helping him launch his lifestyle cannabis brand into the world. And there was actually one of those moments those moments where I needed to make a brave decision towards the end of my time working there, where I had launched this business out into the world and it was really well received, award winning, sold out within 24 hours. Seth was on, like Conan O'Brien, showing the products that I had led the development of, really like a highlight right of your career. But in that moment, instead of feeling super excited, I actually found myself feeling empty, kind of feeling teary, and I started questioning. First, I like gave myself a bit of a hard time, like we tend to do, like what's wrong with you? You know, why are you enjoying this? And then I realized, like you have to listen to your tears, what's going on here and I realized that it was because I felt like I had poured so much energy into building his vision and I put my vision on the back burner.

Speaker 1: 27:35

And it was around that time that I was having this clarity come through that I picked up a book, this book called Tools of Titans. It's by Tim Ferriss, this massive book, and I had been gifted it by my mom for Christmas and it was several months later and you know I would just pick it up every now and then and read a few pages. And I picked it up that night and I flipped it open and it was Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, his writing partners page. I didn't even know he was in this book. I had not like read it before, I hadn't looked at it and it was just two little pages about their experience and building their business and or their movie careers.

Speaker 1: 28:16

And at the end of this little two-page thing, seth is quoted as saying something that in the end, you just have to have faith in yourself. And that's what it was and I literally remember like slamming the bookshelf. I'm being like he said it. This is what it is, and I think that there's always been a part of me that had that faith in myself that, like believed, I was meant for more, I was meant to receive more. I was meant to be happy.

Speaker 1: 28:48

It's funny because I come from a culture where there's a lot of belief in destiny and fate. So when all these things were happening to me, people would say to my mom oh, you know, she had black eyes on her right, like this idea of bad luck, or she was like this idea of being cursed in some way. This was sort of what I was, what people were saying to my mom, and my mom was passing on to me, not that she said that I should believe it, but she was saying, like, well, this could be it, it could be, this is what it is. It could be, this is what it is. And I refused to believe that. I really felt in my heart that and I didn't see it this clearly I was meant to rise above all of it and I think that's what has always kept me moving forward and I love that you said moving forward, because soon after my husband passed away, I got a tattoo and I only have one tattoo and it's like an arrow, and that arrow is to remind me to move forward.

Speaker 2: 29:47

Oh, I love that. All right, so let's talk courage, because I do think it's one of those things that not everybody has, that level of confidence, which I think is a funny word with a lot of connotation to it. But there is a way to manufacture courage. There is a way to evaluate all of those scary monsters under the bed and the fears that come up for us when we're thinking about leaping to the next thing or going into the next chapter of our life. And so, for our listeners, I would love it if you would spend a little bit of time perhaps giving some of the tools of the trade on how to step forward and muster courage by specific actions that we can take. Could you do that for?

Speaker 1: 30:37

us? Yes, I would love to. First, I want to say, though, that I think part of the reason why I'm able to do this, why I'm able to really be willing to face my fears and move through them, is because I've been in scenarios where my worst fears came true, and I think that that facing the worst case scenario and realizing you're still here, you could handle it, you survived, you managed it it made me realize that we have sort of been conditioned to be too fearful. When you think about the absolute worst case scenario and you back it out 100% people are still afraid, and it's not even nearly the worst case scenario. And you back it out 100% people are still afraid, and it's not even nearly the worst case scenario.

Speaker 2: 31:25

Well, and we see that by what we do to ourselves, right, People numb pain because they're fearful of what could happen or what might happen, and so there's a level of paralysis or inaction that then is numbed by alcohol, drugs, sex, you name it Like we sort of divert away from God. It's like I don't want to feel the associated awful, icky feelings that fear brings into a scenario.

Speaker 1: 31:54

Yes, absolutely so what I have found that works the best and again, I learned this from being in those situations where I had to ask myself what is the worst case in this situation? And I've experienced the worst case, right. And so what I really believe is that the way we move through our fears because the biggest thing about fear is, whatever we live with fear, right, but the point is that fear blocks us from so much. It blocks us from a more expansive life, it blocks us from being who we're meant to be, from embracing our soul's path and all of those things. That is why we want to face fear. Sure, we could be comfortable and we could stay feeling safe.

Speaker 1: 33:01

No-transcript, and it's like these swirling mix of emotion and thoughts and anxieties and worst case scenarios, yeah, and it's all kind of swirling around in there, so we won't go near it and then, therefore, we won't move forward. But if we are willing to extract from that cloud all the different thoughts, worst case scenarios, feelings, stories that we're telling ourselves, and actually write them down and look at them, say, okay, I'm afraid of what my mom will think, I'm afraid of what Uncle Hall will say because of that thing he said to me one year ago. I'm afraid of what if I fail, or what if I lose this money that I'm gonna invest, or whatever it is Like. Let's look at those real fears, let's make them tangible and not allow them to be just kind of swirling around, and then let's face them one by one. First of all, what is the probability that this is like really gonna happen? What is the impact? So, if Uncle Paul doesn't approve, really is that going to stop you from living your life? And then there's the more serious ones, like looking at, okay, your financial situation.

Speaker 1: 34:18

If there's something that you want to do, well, now that you've seen what it actually is, what are some solutions, what are some options, what's a plan you could put together? So I think that is the first step, because once we're willing to do that, it takes the power away from our fears and it gives us our power back to decide what kind of risk we're willing to take. But otherwise it's like we don't even know what we're hiding from and that's like a travesty, because there's so much available for you. And I sometimes say to women to like just imagine traveling down a path where all you do is avoid, avoid, avoid. Where does that path lead you, versus the path where you're willing to face and you're willing to overcome or work through or walk around if you have to. Where does that lead you?

Speaker 2: 35:15

Yeah, or simply sit with the discomfort of fear. I think that we've become so hypersensitive of avoiding fear, like just avoid it altogether that you can easily just cut yourself off from all of these phenomenal experiences that require walking with the fear and through the fear. You don't need to overcome it, you just need to walk with it.

Speaker 1: 35:42

Yeah, that's true. I mean I love that you say that because I think it's. I often use the analogy of is fear in the driver's seat. It's hard to kick fear out of the car completely right, but put him in the backseat, that's right. Put him in the backseat, not in the driver's seat, and that's the biggest thing Like are you making decisions in your life with fear driving or are you driving? Is your highest self driving or is fear driving?

Speaker 2: 36:09

Yeah, and I often think fear serves a purpose. It just no longer is the same way. It presented the beginning of human. You know, kind right To keep us safe from the saber-toothed tigers, but now we have to think about it and be much more discerning on whether or not our fears are rational or if we are conjuring up fears because we're actually just afraid to try, because the potential failure could be so humiliating that you couldn't face somebody again, which I think one of the hardest things. I'm really hopeful for this next generation because I do think they have a tolerance, a risk tolerance that's higher than even in our generation of failure's part of success Fail often, fail fast and then recover versus avoid failure like at all costs. Failure's not an option was the whole motto I grew up with, and so it puts you in this box of like I've just got to be great at everything all the time or not do it, and you cut yourself off from a lot of things.

Speaker 1: 37:17

That's so true, and what I say is that failure is just information. It's just information. It's data. You get to decide what you do with it. You get to decide if it's telling you that you should not do that anymore, or maybe it's data. You get to decide what you do with it. You get to decide if it's telling you that you should not do that anymore, or maybe it's telling you you need to invest in a program or a coach to help you, or maybe it's telling you that you need to tweak something Like really, what is failure? But information? And I think it's like again are you in the driver's seat to take a look at that information and decide what you're going to do with it?

Speaker 2: 37:50

Yeah, absolutely Okay. So we are naming our fears, we are evaluating the probability that any of those fears could actually come to fruition. So what happens if any of these things do occur? What would be our response? Do occur, what would be our response? And once we do that, we are really diminishing the power that fear has. By going through that simple process of evaluation, and I don't think a lot of people give themselves the space, nor do they recognize the power of writing things down. There's great power in writing it out and writing it down and looking at it and examining it and taking agency back over your choices in your life. What else are we missing in terms of? I know there are people out there listening that are contemplating, that are on the precipice of a change, that are thinking about maybe they need to try something new and it's exciting on one level, but again they have these fears and trepidations of the other, or a lack of clarity, maybe even holding them back. So they go through this evaluation process and then what? I think then?

Speaker 1: 39:03

that the question is what could be on the other side of your fear. The question is, what could be on the other side of your fear? Really like asking yourself, if I am courageous enough to move forward and overcome these fears, what could be on the other side, and really painting a picture of what that would look like and also who you could become along that journey. I think that we all have this drive to see what we're made of Like. I think we do have this inner drive to just test ourselves.

Speaker 1: 39:35

You know, I think it's so funny because life tests us right, like the things that happened with my husband. My dad passed away when I was 20 of cancer. Life tests us and then we have to respond because it's not in our control. But I think that there's a part of us that also wants to test us, like not wait for something to happen, but we want to take on that challenge. We want to see, like, what could I do, and wouldn't it be cool if, and wouldn't it be amazing or awesome if, and even using those as journal prompts to help yourself see what that picture could look like for you on the other side of your fear.

Speaker 2: 40:19

I love that, I really do. A lot of people who are contemplating a change or a move or what have you simply need to probably have someone guiding them, and I know you are a mentor for women who are looking at just what does expansion look like for you? Tell me a little bit about in terms of going through the process of expansion, even if you don't have clarity now. What's the benefit of just having some self-exploration and taking the time to not worry about the what or the how, but just explore. Tell me what's the advantage, because I think a lot of people just sort of give up because they don't see the possibility. They're just like I've been doing this for so long, or I've been in this relationship for 20 years, or whatever the scenario is. I'm making a great amount of money, so I guess I'll just stick it out, but what are they missing out on?

Speaker 1: 41:30

Well, I think that the reason why so many women and men come to that point is that there's a part of them that hasn't explored that relationship with themselves that much. Or maybe they had it and then they became disconnected from it. And I think we can do that only for so long. And then I say it's sort of like a kid tugging at your sweater, right, like it's like a little tug, and you're just like, okay, okay, yeah, I'll be there in a minute. Okay, I just let mommy finish this thing. It's kind of like that. And then they keep yanking at your sweater and then you just turn around and you're like what? And I feel like our inner voice does the same thing to us, and so you don't have to know exactly what you want, you don't have to know exactly how to get to whatever it is.

Speaker 1: 42:21

I think it's just giving yourself that space to listen to what's going on inside of you. And it could just be I don't want this. That's enough to start with. It's enough to say this isn't working, this isn't making me happy, this isn't serving me anymore, it doesn't feel aligned, it doesn't feel good, and that's a good enough place to start. And then I think like the next step is how do I want this to feel? And if you can just start there, you don't have to have a plan, you don't have to know exactly what that next move is. But if you can identify that, the feeling path that you want to be on, I think then that starts to bring in those hints and clarity around. What could that actual, tangible next step be?

Speaker 2: 43:12

It's so powerful, everything you're saying is so powerful, and what I really want everyone to listen in on is this idea of what your inner voice, that still small voice that often whispers it's not necessarily a big shout is whispering is really your soul's calling for expansion, for you to be all you are. To just underscore Kena's brand, it truly is this idea of you. Are meant to come here to express yourself fully, to find what those gifts are and to bring them to the world in one way, shape or form. It might not be in a profession, might be in some other capacity, but to explore that and you know when you're on the right path, because when you are acting on the outside and it just flows.

Speaker 2: 44:13

And I think if you are in a place where you're feeling angst, you're feeling restless, you are feeling this nudge or urge to try something new or feel like you were meant for more, but you don't have clarity. That first step is going inside. Going inside and doing that self-exploration, and a lot of people have a lot of fear about what they're going to find when they get in and, trust me, it's actually much better in there than it is in your head, because the voices in your head that are usually are the societal conditioning and the familial conditioning and cultural expectations. That's the noise. The clarity comes if you can get quiet and just listen for what comes up. And I think people are often surprised when they go through like a program like yours or mine that just giving themselves the space to be quiet and still and listen for what comes up from within them. They're often shocked that it's not what they thought, yes, or that it's something completely different.

Speaker 1: 45:27

It's so true, and then it's like allowing it to come up and then honoring it, not judging it.

Speaker 1: 45:33

Yes, yeah, because I think that's also something that we're not necessarily taught, right Is that there is so much power in that inner voice? And if we honor it, then because I think for some people it's like, well, my inner voice says this, but I don't trust it at all, and you know, there's like this dismissive nature around it. But we're meant to honor that and it is like the greatest wisdom that you can access. So I think that is the next step like to listen and to honor.

Speaker 2: 46:07

Yeah, I often say that that's the connection with the divine right. When you are listening to that inner voice, we often think the opposite. We think, well, that must be my ego talking that wants me to do that. And it's not. It's actually your ego is usually coming from your headspace and it's telling you do something safe, don't challenge the status quo. Why would you do that?

Speaker 2: 46:30

But your soul is this place of pure creativity and divine connection and I think when we can connect to that and stay in there and, to your point, honor it, that's when the magic ensues. Because it's almost like you didn't know the what, but here it is. You didn't know the how, but hey, guess what? You took one step forward and a path appeared, or a teacher appeared, and little by little, as you step out in courage, it's almost like that's the big secret of the universe that instead of finding the answers to everything we want answered out there, the journey is inward. Like what a better way to like.

Speaker 2: 47:12

It's almost like the joke on humans. Like you go on these quests all over the world trying to find yourself and become and learn, and the journey was always an inner journey, it was all in you. Let's talk a little bit about what you have going on right now, kena, I'd be really curious about what you're up to. I know you're coming up soon on a 50th episode of your own podcast. Tell us a little bit about what's going on in your world.

Speaker 1: 47:40

Thank you, michelle. Yes, my 50th podcast episode is coming up soon. I'm actually hosting a sort of fireside chat with two of my earliest guests who are both entrepreneurs, and it's going to be called One Year Later, because I think what I really want to inspire women is to get excited about what you can make happen in just one year. And so this idea of like, what do you want your one year later story to be I think in the movies you often see that that scene right where something's happening. And then it's like one year later and then you see like, whatever, they're off an adventure or they built a house or whatever maybe. So I'm planning a little virtual event for that. So that's my podcast.

Speaker 1: 48:25

And then you know I really am focused on helping women and supporting women in making those transitions. So what does it look like and what kind of support do you need? So I have actually created a secret podcast series, so meaning it won't be on my podcast, it will be accessible in another way, and it's called three pivotal points to your next chapter of soul fulfilling success. The idea is that it's for women who are established in their careers and they are craving stepping into that next chapter, but this time it's success on their terms, not on anyone else's terms. So that's another thing I have coming up and I also have some group coaching programs and I do some limited one-on-one as well. Yeah, that's what's happening with me.

Speaker 2: 49:16

Well, I want to make sure that everyone knows where to find you. We'll definitely include links to your podcast, your website and Instagram, where I know you're very active, so people can connect with you there. But do you want to just give a shout out and let people know how they can find you on?

Speaker 1: 49:32

Instagram? Yes, absolutely. So you can reach me at Kena K-E-N-A. Underscore all you are A-L-L-Y-O-U-A-R-E.

Speaker 2: 49:42

And that's where you'll find me. Wonderful Kena, thank you so much for coming on the show today and sharing your journey and your wisdom and your insight. It's been lovely connecting with you and I cannot wait to see what comes next and I look forward to us working more together and finding ways to collaborate.

Speaker 1: 50:01

Thank you, Michelle. This was like such a great conversation. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 2: 50:05

It's my pleasure. All right, everyone. Until next time, go and live your extraordinary life. Thank you for listening to today's episode. If you enjoyed this podcast episode, please take a moment to rate and review. If you have recommendations for future topics, please reach out to me at michelleriosofficialcom. Lastly, please consider supporting this podcast by sharing it. Together, we can reach, inspire and positively impact more people. Thank you.