Live Your Extraordinary Life With Michelle Rios

Authentic Living for a Life of Purpose & Joy

• Michelle Rios

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Authenticity isn't just a buzzword; it's the cornerstone of living a life that's truly our own. Imagine a life where embracing who you truly are—not who you're expected to be—becomes your superpower. That's what we're diving into as we explore the transformative journey of living authentically. I've faced the pressures of perfectionism and the chase for external validation, only to find that true fulfillment lies in aligning with our inherent personalities and values. Together, we'll uncover how living authentically can profoundly enhance mental well-being, strengthen our decision-making, and increase life satisfaction.

In our conversation, we'll pinpoint signs that often lead us astray from our true selves, like people-pleasing and ignoring our gut instincts. Through my personal stories and experiences, you'll see how these behaviors create a disconnect, ultimately affecting our happiness and peace of mind. By recognizing and addressing these patterns, we can begin to reconnect with our true beliefs and values, leading to more genuine connections and a life rich with purpose and alignment. Authentic leadership, both personally and professionally, is not just about being accepted by others—it's about inspiring trust and fostering an environment where everyone can thrive.

Lastly, we'll discuss how authenticity leads to a wealth that goes beyond money—one characterized by meaningful experiences and relationships. By embracing vulnerability as a strength, we cultivate resilience and confidence, navigating life’s challenges with grace. This episode encourages you to embrace your true self and become the empowered captain of your own life. Share your thoughts on this journey to authenticity and let’s inspire each other to live extraordinary lives filled with peace, alignment, and freedom. Remember, your feedback shapes the content; together, we can create a ripple effect of positive change.

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When you're being authentic. It means you're gonna expose your true self, which means you are gonna be vulnerable to the judgment and criticism of others, and it takes courage to stand strong in the face of external judgment, criticism, opinions, but you do it anyway. Hi, I'm Michelle Rios, host of the Live your Extraordinary Life podcast. This podcast is built on the premise that life is meant to be joyful, but far too often we settle for less. So if you've ever thought that something is missing from your life, that you were meant for more, or you simply want to experience more joy in the everyday, then this podcast is for you. Each week, I'll bring you captivating personal stories, transformative life lessons and juicy conversations on living life to the fullest, with the hope to inspire you to create a life you love on your terms, with authenticity, purpose and connection. On your terms, with authenticity, purpose and connection. Together, we'll explore what it means to live an extraordinary life, the things that hold us back and the steps we all can take to start living our best lives. So come along for the journey. It's never too late to get started, and the world needs your light.

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Welcome back to another episode of the Live your Extraordinary Life podcast. I'm your host, michelle Rios, and today we are talking about a topic that's at the heart of living an extraordinary life Authenticity. Now, authenticity is a topic that is discussed a lot in the world of personal development and transformation, but I'm finding that so many people aren't really clear on what it is we're talking about. So what I wanted to do today is explore what authenticity is, what it isn't, why it matters, and what's at stake when it's missing from our lives. And then, lastly, I want to talk about how do we get on the path to authenticity so that we are truly developing an extraordinary life. So let's start off with what it is.

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Authenticity, I find, is often misunderstood, so when we talk about it, what we really are saying is being true to your own personality, your values, your spirit, regardless of the pressure you may face to act otherwise. It's really about living in alignment with your true self, expressing yourself honestly. It isn't about being perfect or always happy. It's not about saying whatever comes to mind without a filter and disregarding others' feelings. Instead, it's about being genuine, transparent and honest in your interactions and in your choices. According to a study by Harvard Business Review, individuals who feel they can actually be authentic at home and at work report 50% higher levels of job satisfaction, 23% higher levels of engagement and just an overall greater sense of well-being. Not surprising, but why does it matter? You can understand what it is now, but why does it matter Really, at the heart of it? Why it is so much of an underpinning to living an extraordinary life is because it hits on so many important factors that go into developing or creating the life you want.

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First, relationships Authenticity matters because it fosters trust and intimacy. When we're authentic, when we are being our most true selves, we have the opportunity to build deeper and more meaningful relationships. People can sense when we're being real and they're more likely to respond in kind, let their guard down, and that fosters this more openness and a deeper connection. There's a study by the University of Houston that found that authenticity leads to greater relationship satisfaction and stability. Whether you're in a friendship or a work relationship or a marriage, it doesn't really matter. So, overall, improved relationships number one.

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Number two there are significant mental health benefits. So living authentically is all about reducing stress and anxiety, because when we're pretending to be someone we're not, it's exhausting, it's really draining and it can lead to burnout and mental health issues. There was a survey conducted by the American Psychological Association that revealed that people who practice authenticity experience up to 30% lower levels of stress and 25% lower levels of depression. Who doesn't want that? Okay. Number three increased self-esteem. When we embrace our true selves, we sort of naturally build our self-esteem from the inside out. We're no longer seeking validation from external sources because we know who we are and, more importantly, we accept who we are. So research from the University of California, berkeley shows that individuals who live authentically have upwards of 25% higher self-esteem compared to those who don't. It might not seem like a significant amount, but 25% higher may be just what you need to make that bold next move.

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Okay, fourth reason why authenticity is so important Better decision making. Authenticity helps us make decisions that are in line with our true values and desires, so this leads to a more fulfilling and purpose-driven life. Now think about it. It makes sense. When you aren't living authentically, when you're not connected to who you are, it's tough to make decisions. Nothing really feels right, and so you stay in your head, you get stuck really trying to be logical about everything. You disregard your own intuition. So when you are stepping deeply and fully into your authenticity, you're able to really make gut level decisions, intuition-led decisions. You understand what your values are and what you're about, and so you understand what it means to be in alignment. So there's a study that was published by the Journal of Positive Psychology that found authenticity is linked to significant levels of higher life satisfaction and purpose. Not surprising, right? Okay, fifth reason for authenticity these are top reasons.

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I'm sure there are more, but the fifth reason I want to point out is overall professional or vocational success. Authentic leaders, authentic people and I would argue we're all leaders in one way, shape or form are more effective. They inspire trust, loyalty and performance in their teams. According to research by Korn Ferry, companies with authentic leaders outperform their peers by upwards of 30% in terms of revenue growth. And I don't think it's just about companies For many of us who are entrepreneurs and solopreneurs.

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Look, we're looking at making these major life changes where many of us have gone from robust corporate or private sector salaries to starting over, hitting the reset button and going out on our own, and that can be incredibly daunting. But in the long term or I would even argue in the medium term what you're going to find is, the more you step into what you were always meant to do and to your true self, you're going to attract more success. You're going to attract the people you need in your life to help you succeed, because we all know we don't do this alone. We all need each other, we need teams, we need mentors, we need coaches, we need therapists, we need friends in our corner. But success is something that you're going to attract to you because your energy fundamentally changes when you're living in authenticity. So keep that in mind. While stepping into your authenticity may result in short-term perceived setbacks, financially or professionally, because you're starting over, potentially in one shape or form Not always, but in some cases, when it leads you down that path Toward the medium and longer term, you're going to far outperform where you were before. So think about the long game when you're thinking about stepping into your authenticity and what it means from a professional or vocational basis.

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Okay, so how do you even know when you're being inauthentic? Well, there are signs, right? So identifying inauthenticity in our life is really important, because it's hard for us to make changes if we don't even know what to look for. So here are some common signs that you might not be living authentically. Okay, now I'm going to point out eight here, but I'm sure there are others you can come up with and feel free to reach out to me and let me know of others that you've encountered or experience or may even be something that you're still working on.

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First and foremost, a common sign that you might not be living authentically is people-pleasing. Constantly trying to please others at the expense of your own needs and desires is a big sign of inauthenticity. We do it because we have the best of intentions and we're good-hearted people, but we're selling ourselves short and in the long run this can lead to feeling resentful and unappreciated. I know you've been there. I've been there. I've been there even when I didn't know that I was people-pleasing, even going back to childhood. Things that I did in order to make my parents proud that I wasn't necessarily all that engaged with or cared about. But I saw that it sparked something in them and then it got a ball rolling and I wanted to continue to get that feedback from them, and so it was sort of a point of validation for me. If I do this, my parents will be happy, it'll make them proud, they'll love me more. You see where this is going.

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But even in the workplace and I got up pretty high up into the chain of command in my corporate career as an executive suite, I found myself people pleasing, not only with clients actually, less so with clients, more so with teams. And why do we do that? I did it with teams of people that were lower on the totem pole, so to speak, but colleagues, people that were coming up vice presidents, senior vice presidents we do this because we want people to like us. We want to be liked. We all have that need, and I found that to be something I wasn't even aware of. I thought I was being a good leader and what I would say is I was being inadvertently disingenuous because I was looking for validation and acceptance as a leader versus keeping my agenda at the door and realizing I need to show up as me in all facets, whether or not someone likes me. So, people pleasing number one sign that you might not be living authentically.

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Number two ignoring your intuition, disregarding your gut feelings or inner wisdom. Your intuition is a powerful guide you know this, you've heard this and ignoring it can lead to decisions that don't align with your true self. I have been here many, many times over the course of my lifetime, ignoring my intuition. Why? Because I didn't believe in myself, because my self-esteem was not intact, I was still looking externally for a validation and approval. And so, since I didn't believe in my own point of view or my own opinions as being valid, because I didn't think as I was enough, I often ignored my gut or my intuition, and that never really got me to a good place. Ultimately, I had to course correct. I'd go down one route and then realize, man, I thought that, but I dismissed it because I didn't trust myself. So if you find yourself ignoring your intuition, disregarding your own gut feelings, that could be a sign that you're not living authentically and you need to do more work.

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Okay, number three this kind of goes hand in hand with intuition, in my opinion, but disregarding your own opinions. I've done this a lot going back, not now. I'm pretty good about voicing my point of view and getting my thoughts across. It's not something I've actually. I've always been good about voicing my own opinions, but I've always been quick in the past to disregard them if I felt they weren't aligned with someone higher up or a leader, because I didn't want to seem like I was going against the grain but suppressing your own viewpoints. To agree with others just to fit in or to be liked is a sign that you are not living authentically, and it can cause you to lose touch with your own self, with your true beliefs and with your own values. Not surprisingly, research from the University of Sussex shows that people who regularly disregard their own opinions to follow the opinions of others, even if they don't agree with them, have lower levels of life satisfaction, because you're selling yourself out. So disregarding your own opinions common sign that you're not living authentically. Okay, number four, this is a big one for a lot of you.

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Perfectionism, striving for perfection and fearing mistakes can be a form of inauthenticity. In the course of perfectionism, we often mask our true selves because we're trying to meet unrealistic standards. Look, I did this time and again. I thought there was a specific way to do becoming a corporate success and climbing the ladder, and I didn't ask for help. In the early days of my career it created a lot of resentment with my colleagues in the sense that I would carry a lot of the burden. I was literally holding the boulder and pushing the boulder up the hill and I was secretly resentful that they weren't holding their end of the bargain, or doing what I thought they should be doing to help me out. In reality, I was going above and beyond. I was going further than what was necessary, because good enough wasn't good enough for me. I needed to go the extra mile and sometimes you just can't. Sometimes the perfect can be the enemy of the good.

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Also, I would say in the early days of motherhood I got into that trap of needing or wanting to be the perfect mother, that my child had to go to the right preschool and I wanted to hang out with all the cool moms with babies who looked so well put together when I felt like I was barely hanging on by a thread between my career and becoming a new mom. And yet there were these women out there that, in my opinion, just maintained this standard that was, for most days, unattainable for me. They looked phenomenal, regardless of how little sleep they got. They always were in fabulous designer clothes which, quite frankly, I struggled to get the baby weight off after having a baby. And yet I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be one of them. I wanted to feel like I was the perfect mom and that my child was getting the best of me and my husband was getting the best of me.

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You know what it did. It made me really unhappy. It led to a lot of stress and anxiety. It led to a lot of well. Frankly, it created some health issues for me I talk about that in other episodes. But eventually I did lose the baby weight and I continued to quote unquote go for the healthy lifestyle.

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But I did it at an extreme because I was going on all cylinders with work and traveling and trying to be perfect at work. I was trying to be perfect for my child and be there for every meal and cook every meal and be there at pick up and drop off and have him in the perfect clothes and bathe him and all the things you want to do. Plus, I was working out late at night, early in the morning on the weekends on vacation and not eating enough and, quite frankly, it led to me losing a gallbladder and being on an operating table in an emergency basis. So don't do that. It's not worth it and, quite frankly, it's not sustainable, which is what I found when I ended up in the hospital after a ski trip and was literally with a BlackBerry in hand going. Can we schedule this in three weeks? And the doctors are looking at me like I had four eyes, saying how about in three hours we're going to go scrub in. Now you are going to be septic if we don't take care of you. So trying to be perfect is really too much. It really is. It's not necessary. It doesn't lead to the authentic version of you. We have good intentions when we do it. We want everyone to be happy, we want to show up as our best selves, but it often leads to unnecessary anxiety and depression.

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Okay, number five another common sign that you might not be living authentically, and that's imposter syndrome. And I want to caveat this with not always is this a sign of inauthenticity. Some of the time it's a sign of inauthenticity. What do I mean? We often get imposter syndrome where we feel like a fraud when we're trying new things and we don't yet have the skills or the confidence that goes along with that bold move. That, to me, is not inauthenticity. That is often trying to step into our authenticity and we haven't yet had the emotional congruence to feel comfortable in that space. Sometimes we're gonna have to stretch and get out of that emotional comfort zone and sometimes that's gonna mean we're gonna feel like we are being imposters because we're not quite aligned or caught up with what we know we can be and want to be and our hearts call us to be. So that's not it.

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What I'm talking about when I say imposter syndrome as a sign of not living authentically, is when we are pretending to be someone we're not and who we don't actually want to be. When we do this in an effort to get people to like us, when we do this in an effort to fit in, when we do this in an effort to belong. That's what I'm talking about and that can lead to anxiety and a lack of confidence. The Journal of Behavior Science reports that up to 70% of people experience imposter syndrome at some point in their lives. Brene Brown talks about this a lot, in the sense of we all, as humans, have this deep desire and need to belong, but when belonging means you no longer belong to yourself, it's not true belonging, you're not living in authenticity. So just be aware that there is a difference. So, imposter syndrome when you're doing something to be someone you're not and you don't want to be in order to be liked or belong. That's what we're talking about.

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Okay, another sign that you may not be living authentically Chronic dissatisfaction. Think about it when you are not connected to yourself, when you do not know yourself, when you have not done the work or created the space for yourself to truly know not only who you are, but what it is you want, nothing is going to feel right. Everything that passes by you you're going to find fault with, it's not going to feel like it fits, it's not going to feel like the right thing for you, and you're going to constantly feel unhappy and grumpy and unfulfilled, even when it seems like everything is going well on the surface. This is a sign that you're not living in alignment with yourself, that you're not taking or making the space to go on the self-discovery journey, which I argue needs to be done consistently, not once every 10 years. You need to spend time in self-discovery on an ongoing basis, not every day, but I go on an annual trip and I'll talk about this in the book where my sole goal and going, and I go far away.

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Whenever I go on a trip, it's usually overseas, it's usually thousands of miles away with the sole purpose of putting my current identity on hold and creating space for dreaming in order to explore who it is I want to be what it is I want to do and what I still want to experience in this lifetime, and I allow myself to just have that space for deep introspection, self-reflection and true relaxation. This is like wanderlust at its best. We rarely have schedules during those times when we're away. You know, this is usually on a family trip, but not always. Sometimes they're girlfriend trips or solo trips. But often I'm with my husband and son and we live very hectic lives in Washington DC and so, going away once a year at minimum, sometimes we go twice on these kinds of trips where there is no schedule, where we allow ourselves to just be like, just allow ourselves to wander with the locals, talk with the locals. I spent a lot of time sitting in restaurants, talking to managers and waiters and waitresses and bartenders and just getting to know local people, shop owners, local barbers and salon owners, local barbers and salon owners just to kind of get a sense of other people out there and the lives they live. And it allows me to just put my current identity on hold all the responsibilities, all the pressure, particularly when I was an executive in professional services, with clients around the clock and working 24-. Seven and globetrotting and all that stuff. He used to come with me but over the last 10 years we got really good at just putting it on hold and when we got on that plane and we were in the air and on our way to a destination unknown, somewhere new every year to explore, we just let ourselves dream.

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And I encourage you find time to go on the self-discovery journey at least once a year and revisit it. I revisit it through journaling, I revisit it through podcasting. I do interviews and when I'm out doing interviews, it's fantastic to have a third party ask you a question about yourself, about your journey, about what you're going through, because it forces you to really be thoughtful and contemplate where you're at on that question. So I welcome the interviews. I think they're a great way for me to continue to be on that self-discovery journey.

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So if you're experiencing chronic dissatisfaction, you're feeling unhappy or unfulfilled, even when things on the surface look good, that can often be a sign you're not living in alignment with your true self and you need to create the space to really do some deep reflecting and introspection. Okay, number seven of the common signs that you're not living authentically Difficulty making decisions. This used to be a big one for me, I found myself incredibly indecisive in my teens, in my 20s and probably even in my early 30s. Why? Because I didn't know who I was 100%. And when you don't know who you are 100% is really hard to make a decision that's in alignment with you, because you're not really sure if what you want is what you should want. And you waffle and you look at what other people want or what other people seem to pursue and you think, well, maybe I should want that too. And so you get yourself so tangled up and convoluted that you don't know up or down. You don't know who you are in that, and so how can you make a good decision for you? So struggling to make decisions because you're trying to anticipate what others think or what others want rather than considering what's best for you. And that is hard to do if you haven't done the work. You've got to have done the work. You need to know who you are and you need to be able to answer the most important question you'll ever ask yourself what do I want? If you can't answer that, all decision making is going to be tough. Okay, number eight of the signs that you may not be living authentically Emotional exhaustion, feeling drained because you're maintaining a facade or trying to meet others expectations can really be exhausting. When you're authentic, it's completely a game changer because you might be doing a lot of stuff but you're so energized because you're in alignment, there's a sense of relief and you get this energy almost out of nowhere. Inauthenticity is draining.

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I used to talk about feeling that I was carrying that boulder up the hill every day of my life. For years, decades, I was a hard worker in school. No, that's not surprising, but I worked really hard in school. I was such a perfectionist. I was getting scholarships, I was traveling the world, I was building my career in the early years and really trying to be perfect in all the ways all these things.

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But I used to talk about my life like I felt I was carrying a boulder around because I wasn't being true to myself. I didn't know beyond a shadow of doubt who I was. I got glimpses of my real self and it was heartbreaking because I didn't have the courage to step toward that. It was haunting for many years and I talk about my walk and my journey very openly and vulnerably because I think it's important for everyone to understand, even those people who seem like the most confident among us, at one point or another, has confronted an experience where stepping into their authenticity was a test, was a challenge to where and how they were living. And that certainly was the case for me.

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I always prided myself so there's the ego at play as being somebody who was super confident. And man, oh man, I put on a good act as a kid, you know, shoulders back, stand up straight, don't let them see you sweat, kind of thing. Stand up straight, don't let them see you sweat, kind of thing. And I was all about winning all the things and I felt that I had to. There was a sense of obligation. I was exhausted. I was exhausted by age 16. Imagine that I was ready for a nervous breakdown at 16. And I kept going and I kept climbing and I kept achieving. And it manifested.

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The symptoms of inauthenticity manifested itself in a number of ways. I was emotionally eating, I was stressed out, I was full of anxiety, I didn't sleep well, I didn't feel at peace, I couldn't make decisions. I was one of the most indecisive quote, unquote confident and pulled together, buttoned down people you would have ever met. But I had a difficult time making decisions. Did I want to go here or did I want to go there? Did I want to experience this or do I want to experience that? I couldn't decide, and so I found myself trying to do it all, and it was exhausting. When you finally do the work, you get yourself in a place where you know who you are, a lot of things fall off, you get to focus, you get to hone your energy, your efforts, and it brings so much relief. Okay, so let's transition.

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I wanna talk about why authenticity is the underpinning of living an extraordinary life. Now, there are a lot of things that go into living an extraordinary life, and some people have asked me why is it? Authenticity is something that you place so much value on. Why do you always talk about authenticity as a superpower? Why is it about the power of authenticity, the authenticity code or the authenticity blueprint? What is it about authenticity, michelle? Well, for me, it's the foundation. Without authenticity, you do not get to live an extraordinary life. You must be your authentic self to truly live an extraordinary life. So why is that the case? There are many reasons, but I'm going to list out a few At the start of every interview that I conduct and I know I've been doing a lot of solos over the last several weeks while I write this book.

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But when I do interviews, you'll note that I start every interview with the same question what does it mean to you to live an extraordinary life? And I do that not because I'm looking for a right answer. I do this because I want to hear how everybody, who comes from different walks of life and different experiences and different age groups and different countries and all the things, they all end up at the same place. When I ask somebody what does it mean to live an extraordinary life? In one way, shape or form, I get a handful of responses and it goes something like this Michelle, living an extraordinary life to me means feeling deep peace in my heart and in my being.

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It means going to bed at night and resting my head on the pillow and being at peace with who I am and how I'm showing up in the world. Michelle, living my extraordinary life means not just peace, but also the sense of alignment and purpose and the freedom that that gives you. Because you feel so incredibly free, your soul feels like it's soaring right I talk about. You deserve to live a life that sets your soul on fire, and that's what I mean. When you're living in alignment, when you're living authentically, when you're living on purpose, you would argue, you start to experience true wealth and I don't just mean monetary wealth, true wealth that your experiences in life are more fulfilling. There's a richness to the relationships. Your level of connection with others is deeper. You savor the moments of your life. You are able to be an observer in your life, not just the protagonist in the throes of a drama. You're able to have better emotional regulation because you recognize that we are all playing a game here. This game of life is something that, if you spend time understanding the principles that govern it, you can get pretty damn good at this and you can live an extraordinary life. That is what it's all about. That is what I'm talking about. When I'm talking about living an extraordinary life.

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Now a lot of people think well, michelle seems sophisticated and that she's lived a good life. It must mean about acquiring financial wealth, and while I'm all about financial well-being, I love money and money loves me. I've gone through many years when I was younger of not having any, and I've gone through periods of time where I've had a lot and I understand the importance of having access to a resource like money, but when I'm talking about abundance, when I'm talking about true wealth, I'm talking about it in all facets of life, a degree of satisfaction and fulfillment that the resource of dollars itself can't fill. It really is a richness of life and of experience. Now, I would also argue that when you're living in alignment, when you are living on purpose, when you are living your most authentic self, most authentic self you're going to attract resources in the form of people, experiences and money and time and all these other things that we often feel we have so little of, because when your energy is in alignment with your soul, when you are your most authentic self, you become a magnet. Remember, I get into this conversation a lot with the folks who are all about law of attraction, which I love.

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Law of attraction. I studied it for a really long time, but I live with the principle of law of resonance, which says you attract not that which you want, you attract what you are. So how are you showing up every day? What are you showing up as every day? And to me there are two options You're showing up either in a spirit of love or fear, and people are like how could it be that simple. Well, it is that simple because the world really is governed by two primary emotions love, and everything rooted in love, kindness, generosity, optimism, hope, all the positive attributes or fear, which shows up in a variety of ways as well. You can have pessimism, frustration, greed, anger, loneliness even. And so when you are living in alignment because you are your most authentic self and you are showing up from a place of love, you're going to attract more of what you are. So if you're attracting more of what you are, you're going to attract more love, more people who are in alignment with who you are, who can support you and be in your corner, who you can support and be in their corner, who can help you, who are going to have access to ideas and resources and opportunities that are going to propel you forward and are going to give you access to more resources, like money. So true wealth or total wealth is what I look at, but certainly abundance is a piece of it.

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So, again, authenticity really is, to me, the underpinning of all things extraordinary living. So, first and foremost, we have alignment with core values. So living authentically means we're aligning our actions and our decisions with our values, with who we truly are and that alignment brings that sense of fulfillment and purpose and peace which is essential for an extraordinary life. Number two true self-expression. Authenticity allows for genuine self-expression. When you express your true self, you attract the opportunities and the people that resonate with your authentic self, which leads to a richer, more fulfilling life.

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Number three you're going to hear me talk about peace ad nauseum, but it's where it's at Inner peace. Being true to yourself brings inner peace and, as someone who battled internally for decades, I don't take for granted what it's like to live in this place of serene peace, like complete and utter peace. Focus my energy on other things, not just in trying to feel better, which God knows. When I didn't feel at peace, I hemmed and I hawed and I had the victim mentality of oh, it's me, and why do I feel this way and why is this always happening to me and why can't this be different? When you get into alignment, you drop that act. You realize that you are the captain of your ship. You and you alone are responsible for how you feel, and that inner peace is something that you manifest. So when you feel that peace that exceeds expectations, you just don't have inner conflict. Resistance goes away. And that's where you know I talk about any sort of mental health issues that I might have faced before because I wasn't living authentically, pretty much evaporated because I had such strong well-being after that.

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Okay, next empowerment. Authenticity empowers you, goes back to that saying I just had you know, I'm the captain of my own ship, I know that I'm in control of my life and, god knows, there were many years that I didn't feel like I was in control. I was on autopilot, even though I was working my tail off. I was on a treadmill to nowhere because I didn't know who I was and I didn't know what I wanted. So how could I get anywhere? There was no destination. When you don't know who you are or what you want, where are you going? I was chasing my own tail and it was exhausting and I felt like life was happening to me.

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For those of you who are part of the CLS experience, the Craig Siegel group, you know we talk about this a lot. You know that life isn't happening to you, it's happening for you. But until you are living a more authentic life, it is hard to feel that. It is impossible to know that. But authenticity does empower you to take control. It gives you the confidence to pursue your passions and your dreams without that fear of judgment and all those fears we felt before failure, not belonging, not fitting in, not being loved, not being enough. It's strange but amazing. That just goes away. It just melts away when you are living in authenticity. And, last but not least, the reason why authenticity is the underpinning of all things extraordinary living is because it builds resilience. Authentic people are just simply more resilient. They have a stronger sense of self and I'm going to go on a limb here we're better equipped to handle life's challenges and setbacks. It's not like we get a free pass on life's challenges. We face the same challenges as everybody else, but authentic people, people who are striving to be in their authenticity, have this sense of it's gonna work out, even if it doesn't look like that right now.

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My set point is love. No matter how many times I get pushed out of the saddle, we see the light at the end of the tunnel. We are able to see hope in hopeless situations. I have experienced grief that have rocked the depths of my core. I have experienced hardship. I have experienced setbacks, I have experienced challenges. I have lost people in my life because me stepping into my authenticity was a trigger for them. They didn't want to look in the mirror and they were not yet ready to face their own inauthenticity. And me showing up authentically was a rub and it was hard to swallow, because these are people I loved dearly and I'm hopeful one day they'll return. But people will fall off the grid, it just happens. But here's the thing we're resilient. Authentic people go, that's okay, let them go. Let them go, there'll be others. And let me tell you, I've met more people in the last year and a half to two years than I had met in the previous 10. And they've been amazing and they've been in alignment and they've been living their purpose and we encourage each other and we're on the path together and that's what you want to experience.

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And when you step into your authenticity which, god knows, requires courage I'm going to talk about that next you're going to attract those people. They're going to show up. You're going to feel lonely one day and, like man, I'm all alone on this authenticity journey. And then, like bam, you meet somebody. Bam, another person, another person. They introduce you to another person. It just happens we are more resilient. Okay, last but not least, actually have two segments left.

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But this why it's so hard to be authentic and I would argue it's not hard, it's actually quite simple. It's just not easy. It takes courage. It takes courage to be authentic because it often means we're going against the grain and we're facing our fears and we're stepping out of line with what the majority of the population is doing and how they're living. So the first thing that pops up usually is fear of judgment. When you're being authentic, it means you're going to expose your true self, which means you are going to be vulnerable to the judgment and criticism of others. And it takes courage to stand strong in the face of external judgment, criticism, opinions, but you do it anyway. Number two risk of rejection. It's real.

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Authenticity can sometimes lead to rejection. I've experienced it in my own life and people I thought were my closest friends it's not that they're completely gone, but they've definitely created distance. Not everyone's gonna accept or understand the real you and it takes bravery to face this potential rejection. It's hurtful for a human right. Do it anyway, okay. Overcoming perfectionism this one was actually easier for me to let go than I thought it was going to be.

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But letting go of perfectionism and embracing your true self, flaws. And all does require some courage, because you're accepting yourself, you're accepting you're not perfect, you're accepting that your physical being isn't exactly where you want it to be, your weight isn't where you want it to be. You wish you were taller, you wish you were smarter, you wish you were friendlier, more outgoing, all of the things, whatever those things are. But when you step into your authenticity, when you step into your authenticity, there's a tremendous amount of self-love that comes with it and you become incredibly accepting of who you are, which allows you to actually improve who you are. So when you accept where you are, who you are, what you are, what you want, you can actually make change. But when you don't, you're fighting yourself constantly. So when you are able to have the courage to overcome perfectionism and accept who you are, that's when the real work and change to better and improve your life starts.

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Number four it takes courage to become your most authentic self because you are challenging norms. Living authentically often means challenging familial norms and often societal norms and expectations, and this is a hard one, especially when it means going against deeply ingrained beliefs or traditions. I know, I've been there. Do it anyway. Number five it is tough going on this authentic path because it means you need to be vulnerable. That means showing your true feelings. I joke, but I often say it's about opening the kimono right, admitting your mistakes, opening up about your fears, letting people know you're not perfect. I feel it's so much more relatable. I want people to know the real me because I want them to feel comfortable getting to know the real them. I want you to see me with all of my scars and flaws and imperfections, because then you'll be able to accept yours and recognize that. I see that and I, for the first time in my life.

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The last 10 years have been such a big game changer for me, and the last five even more so, but I can truly look in the mirror and say I love and accept myself. I enjoy my company. I don't need to be around a lot of people. I like being around other people, but I like being on my own. I really revel in downtime with myself, being with my thoughts. There was a time I didn't dare to be alone with my thoughts because I didn't like who I was and I was so uncomfortable uncomfortable. So being authentic means embracing that vulnerability and realizing it is a strength, not a weakness.

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Okay, number six, why it is so hard to be authentic? Because self-worth and internal validation take courage. Not feeling like you're enough or not having enough self-worth derived internally versus from external achievements can make authenticity very challenging. It takes courage to build and rely on your own internal validation rather than seeking it from others. And I say this as someone who got all her self-worth, particularly as a child, from the things she did not, from who she was.

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I think there was a short amount of time, maybe zero to seven, where I felt that I could do anything I think that a lot of young kids do. But I had some series of events, like we all do, traumas that at that point changed the game for me and I sought love, validation, approval, acceptance by every report card I got that had A's all over it, every award I won, every stage I graced, every show I was in every performance I sang in or played an instrument in every college. I got accepted to every sort of scholarship and grad school and more scholarships and jobs and promotions, and all of these things were so important to me because I was trying to fill an impossible void with external achievement and so there was never going to be enough, and I was constantly having to climb, because once I would get one achievement that I worked so hard for, I would be able to sit in there and enjoy it briefly Maybe. Initially it was a few months, then it was only a few weeks and then, over time, a few days. And you know, sad to say, there came a point in my 20s where I would win some monumental thing. I won an ambassadorial scholarship, for example. I outperformed many, many other people to get the scholarship and I went overseas to do graduate work that lasted hours. The euphoria of winning lasted hours, and I was in deep depression on that graduate study year overseas in my mid-20s which is unfortunate, I didn't get the best experience out of it. I was where I was at that point in my life. There wasn't much I could do about it, but that was the challenge. Like even with all of the success that I experienced, I was a deeply unhappy person. And here I am, many, many years later recognizing that man. If I can bestow one lesson to my child, it'll be this Love yourself where you're at. All the other stuff is cherries on top. They're cherries on top. They are not the stuff. The stuff is the stuff you're born with. There's a really lovely quote that goes my self-worth comes from my being, not my doing. You're worthy because you're here, not because of what you do. While you're here, your worthiness is not up for question, you just are Okay.

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Last section the path to authenticity. So maybe you're listening to this podcast and you're thinking, okay, I'm on the road, I'm on the path. Maybe you're even your most authentic self, to which my hat goes off to you and I applaud you. It is, it's work, right, to stay in alignment, to stay your most authentic self. But it is the work, that is the work, and if you do the work, you get to live the extraordinary life. So the payoff is tremendous. But perhaps you're listening to this and you're thinking I have more work to do and that is a-okay. You are not alone. We all go through this, me included. I never stop working at this.

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This is why I feel so passionate about this topic, because to me, it's the underpinning of all things. It is the reason why we're here. I truly believe we come into this human existence with a calling in our soul, and our job is to discover that calling, discover our gifts and do the work to become our most authentic selves. That is our gift to the world, that is our mission, why we're here, and a lot of people miss that. They think it's something else. I think becoming the most you is your gift to the world. So, with that said, how can we become more authentic? Because it is a continuum. Well, I've talked about this earlier, but I'll restate it First and foremost, self-reflection.

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Take time to reflect on who you are. Take time to reflect on who you are, what you value, what you want from life, and you can use things like journaling, meditation, coaching, mentorship, therapy. There are endless ways to really get to the heart of who you are. But you need space. You need space, time with your thoughts, time for deep introspection and self-discovery. You need to be relaxed. You need to be at ease. That is why I do this.

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When I go on vacation, I don't escape from thinking when I go on vacation. I do some of my best thinking on vacation, but it's like a dream world. It's a dream state. I put everything else from here on hold and give myself permission to explore, to let my mind wander, to listen to my heart. I sit by the ocean, I climb on the mountains, I sit in the cafe and people watch I journal. I go for the ocean, I climb on the mountains. I sit in the cafe and people watch I journal. I go for long walks. I have deep spiritual conversations with complete strangers, much to the chagrin of my husband and son. But that's where you get to the essence of knowing who you really are, because people will reflect you back to you.

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Number two honesty. Practicing honesty in our daily interactions is an important way to be on the path to authenticity. That doesn't mean we should be brutally honest in a hurtful way to others and tell them how we really think about things, but it's rather being truthful and transparent about who we are and what we believe and what we think and what we value. The third way we can become more authentic. Third way we can become more authentic set boundaries. Learning to say no to things and people who don't align with your values or your desires is critical. It's critical.

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I've had to say no to many things that I would have normally said yes to 20 years ago, because it never fit, and I now had the awareness to say this is an alignment with who I am. You know, I have a friend, a dear friend, one of my closest friends, in fact, who suffered from this inability to set boundaries for a very long time, well into her 50s, and it would go something like this she was the recipient of more invitations than she could stick at, and it would always I'd be marveled at this. I was like, wow, you have so many people like you, want you wherever they are, like a party or an event or this or that constantly I'm talking to the tune of three or four or five things a week constantly had a filled schedule. And I would ask her, like are you excited about this or excited about that? And she's like no, not really. I don't really like anyone there, and that really struck me as odd. Then why are you going, I would ask her. And she would say to me well, I'm afraid if I don't go, then they won't ask me next time and maybe next time I will want to go or maybe I'll be lonely. It just baffled me, like my time is so precious to me that I couldn't imagine spending that many hours in places where I didn't even like the people or I wasn't enjoying myself. I mean, we've all done it from time to time, but she was doing it five to 10 hours a week of her time. To me, that's gold. I wouldn't give up that much time for something I didn't feel aligned with. But she had an inability back then to say no to things and people who didn't align with her true desires or values, and she had to learn to set boundaries. Now she's got great boundaries. She often tells me no, not in the mood to do that this weekend, and I have to go. Okay, got it. No worries, you've got other plans or you wanna work on something? I totally understand, we'll do it another time, but that's the importance of knowing who you are and what you want.

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Okay, number four how can we become more authentic? Surrounding ourselves with supportive people? The more you can build a network of people who support and encourage you to be your true self, the more authentic you become. That also means you need to distance yourself from those who expect you to be someone you're not, those that don't bring out the best in you, those people and experiences that you deem toxic or that make you feel uncomfortable or that when, at the end, you feel drained being around them. You've got to be willing to make those choices. So surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you and who are supportive, and distance yourself from those who aren't.

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Number five embrace vulnerability. Again, many of you who've listened to the show for any length of time know that I talk about. Authenticity is a superpower. I feel like vulnerability goes hand in hand. Being authentic means being vulnerable. It's okay to show your imperfections and your fears, showing your true self but this vulnerability can strengthen your connections with yourself and with others, because people will see and feel the realness of you. You're going to have more confidence in who you are. You're going to feel good about being vulnerable and others are gonna feel that they have permission to do the same. So embrace vulnerability. And, last but not least and this is a big one becoming your most authentic self is not a one and done deal. I've been at this for a long time. I continue to be at this because this is the work.

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If you want to have an extraordinary life, you need to be in a growth mode, continuous growth. Authenticity is a journey. It is not a destination. We continue to grow, learn and evolve. You're going to do this as you discover more about yourself. You may have come to a place where you really know yourself at age 35, but is that the same you at 45, 55, 65, 75? We're continually growing, we're continually evolving. We need to feed our minds, our hearts, our spirits with information, with messages and with people who bring out the best in us, that help us grow, that open our minds, that allow us to see things previously unseen because we had blocks or we had a limiting belief.

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Continuous growth is at the heart of becoming your most authentic self, because you realize you're never done. There's always more to know, because you know there's a saying, and it's just such a lovely one you are the universe in a drop right. Each of us contains the divinity within the universe, within us. There's endless parts of us to explore and to get to know. We don't even know the tip of the edge of what we're capable of, or the power we have, or the love we're capable of giving, or the power we have or the love we're capable of giving. We're just scratching the surface. So don't stop learning. Continue to grow. And with that we wrap up today's episode of the Live your Extraordinary Life podcast. I wanna thank you for spending the time and joining me on this journey toward more authenticity. Remember, living an extraordinary life starts with being your true self, so you need to embrace who you are. Don't be afraid to show the world who you truly are.

Speaker 1:

If you found this episode helpful, please share it with your friends, your family, anyone you think could benefit from becoming their most authentic selves. If you don't already subscribe, please do so so that you never miss an episode and, as always, I welcome your feedback. I really have enjoyed hearing from so many of you. I get texts, I get DMs, I get emails. Please reach out. You can always reach me on social media. I'm very active in both IG and Facebook, and you can start finding me increasingly on LinkedIn, but on IG, as you'll see in those show notes as well, you can find me at Michelle Rios Official and on Facebook at Michelle Corrigan Rios three separate words and on LinkedIn as Michelle Rios.

Speaker 1:

I hope, again, that you found this episode insightful. If it inspires you, please let me know. I want to make sure that I continue to bring you content that moves the needle, that helps you strive to become the best version of you, the most authentic version of you, so that you, too, can live your extraordinary life. Thank you for listening to today's episode. If you enjoyed this podcast episode, please take a moment to rate and review. If you have recommendations for future topics, please reach out to me at michelleriosofficialcom. Lastly, please consider supporting this podcast by sharing it. Together, we can reach, inspire and positively impact more people. Thank you.

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Michelle Rios

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