Live Your Extraordinary Life With Michelle Rios

Even Better: Easier Ways to a Happier Life with Emily Florence

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Introduction to Live Your Extraordinary Life

Speaker 1

This episode of the Live your Extraordinary Life podcast is brought to you by Transformational Coaching with Michelle Rios . Created for high achievers just like you who've checked all the boxes yet still wonder is this really it ? You've built success , but deep down , you're craving more more meaning , more freedom , more joy . Deep down , you're craving more more meaning , more freedom , more joy . You're ready for your next chapter , one that feels fully aligned , deeply fulfilling and unapologetically yours ? Through my transformational coaching , I'll help you break free from the patterns and beliefs keeping you stuck . Clarify your vision for life and business in this next chapter of life , for life and business in this next chapter of life , build unshakable confidence and self-trust . Align your mindset , energy and actions so success feels authentic and easeful , and create extraordinary results without sacrificing yourself along the way . If you're done playing small and you're ready to rise , visit michelleriosofficialcom . Backslash coaching to learn more and apply . Your extraordinary life is waiting . Are you ready ?

Speaker 3

When you say I am worthy and deserving of making a good living doing what I love . I am worthy and deserving of being healthy and happy . I am worthy and deserving of being in a kind , loving relationship , having wonderful friends . When you believe this in your core that you are worthy and deserving , you will manifest anything . Mark my word .

Speaker 2

Hi , I'm Michelle Rios , host of the Live your Extraordinary Life podcast . This podcast is built on the premise that life is meant to be joyful , but far too often we settle for less . So if you've ever thought that something is missing from your life , that you were meant for more , or you simply want to experience more joy in the everyday , then this podcast is for you . Each week , I'll bring you captivating personal stories , transformative life lessons and juicy conversations on living life to the fullest , with the hope to inspire you to create a life you love on your terms , with authenticity , purpose and connection . Together , we'll explore what it means to live an extraordinary life , the things that hold us back and the steps we all can take to start living our best lives . So come along for the journey . It's never too late to get started , and the world needs your light .

Speaker 1

Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of the Live your Extraordinary Life podcast . I'm your host , michelle Rios , and today I'm thrilled to introduce you to Emily Florence . Emily is an award-winning writer , she's a coach and she's the author of Even Better , easier Ways to a Happier Life . And I want to delve in deep because we have so many synchronicities . We've known each other for a while and I know that you're going to find this just to be a juicy and very relatable conversation . So with that , emily , welcome to the show .

Speaker 3

Thank you so much , Michelle . I'm so happy to be here .

Speaker 1

Well , I'm thrilled that you could make the time to come , because you have a book out there and you have been doing your like everything getting it out to everyone's hands and I'm really happy to say it's getting a lot of notice . In fact , I want to say it was actually named the Feel Good Book of 2024 .

Speaker 3

And I know you're going to end up sweeping a whole bunch in 2025 because you came out with the audio book or the paperback to remind , the hardcover came out and then the paperback and then the audio comes out in the fall , which I'm so excited about .

Speaker 1

Oh my gosh , this is really excited about it . An author in progress right here . I feel this in my bones . I'm really excited about it . An author in progress right here . I feel this in my bones . I'm so excited for you and I'm so excited how well the book has done and you have , in large part , really been the marketer behind it . It's what a lot of people don't know is that when you sit down to write a book , you're not done . When the writing is done , it's a big thing . So my hat goes off to you . Let's step back , because I know so much of what you talk about is really about happiness . How do we choose happiness in a world that really prioritizes hustle and kind of glorifies that busyness thing ? So let's talk about happiness as a

Choosing Happiness in a Busy World

Speaker 1

whole . You say happiness isn't just something that happens , it's something we can choose . What are ways people can choose more happiness each day , no matter what's going on and let's be honest , there's a lot going on right now there ?

Speaker 3

is a lot going on and you know , it was really interesting . When I set out to write this book , I knew that I wanted to title it something that was like the opportunity , like something about , you know , a better life , right , and so I chose even better . And then the subtitle is easier ways to a happier life . Because it's not easy , right , but there are easier ways . And I think the first thing that I recognize in so many people , and myself as well we have to choose it , we have to want it . Which might sound really simple , michelle , if I'm listening to you , I'd be like well , of course I want to be happy . Who doesn't want to be happy ? But when you actually you really intend for it , you start making different choices . But the first thing you need to do you have to intend for it . The second thing that you need to do is you need to be aware , because when you create more awareness , then you can make different choices . So what I mean by that is so often we just go through the motions , right , we just do the things . It could be social media , it could be talking to a friend who , quite frankly , is kind of draining . There are all these different things that we just do . But when we have the intention to say you know what I want to be even a tiny bit happier , I want to feel even a little bit better in my daily life , then we can make some choices , some very , very specific choices .

Speaker 3

I think that all of us can make is to pay attention to our attention , right to our attention . Right , like I can't choose so many things that happen around me or in the news or outside of my world I cannot control . But I can absolutely control what I turn on at night when I watch TV . I can absolutely control the podcast , like your podcast is so inspiring , it's so empowering , it's so uplifting . I'm like everyone should listen to Michelle's podcast . Right , it's positive . But I could also listen to things that really bring me down , like the news . Yes , exactly , and I believe you know I did my master's in broadcast journalism . I love the news . I have a lot of respect for being informed , and also I know that we do not need to glue ourselves to the TV or to the radio all day long . You know , we can get the information and get on with our days . So , paying attention to our attention , social media is a big one . I think we're going to be talking about that a lot more and more over the next years , decades to come for sure .

Speaker 1

Hold on for a minute . Let's stay there for a minute Because , well , two things . You and I come from the world of public relations , so my life for 20 some odd years was really about devouring as much of the news and the headlines as I could , because it was going to impact my particularly my corporate clients on any given day . And I was looking at financial news , I was looking at headlines , what was happening and trends , so that was part of my job . First thing , I did grab my phone and check the headlines , and now that I've transitioned to another walk of life , that's not the case .

Speaker 1

However , it is so tempting to get up first thing in the morning and check your Instagram feed , and so I've had to get into the habit of putting my phone on the other side of the room to charge and not letting that be my first go-to in the morning , but it was for a long time . It took the place of the news consumption that I was doing for work for the agency world . It was sort of an easy replacement , but it immediately just gets you in this state of mind , of tactic . You're already comparing yourself .

Speaker 3

You haven't even got it 100% , 100% . And I have this . You know my book is obviously . You know it's like bite-sized chapters , but I have this incredibly bite-sized one-page chapter called Create Before you Consume and it's this idea that I'm a big believer that we are all being like taken . It's very easy to be taken off course , right , it's very easy for us to get on someone else's agenda , whether that's like waking up and seeing a text message from somebody or an email before the workday actually has to be , or social media , or opening your email and there's a newsletter .

Speaker 1

Is everywhere , everywhere , everywhere you turn , there's an opportunity to be distracted totally , I know , and it's so hard .

Speaker 3

How do you deal with that , like , what do you do ? What are your healthy boundaries with social media ? I'm always so curious .

Speaker 1

I would say I have to be very conscientious and intentional about

Managing Social Media and Attention

Speaker 1

it . But , for example , finishing up the manuscript that I'm working on , I had to say I'm not going to be as active during this period because it's so easy to go down a rabbit hole of either creating content and consuming content right after creating it and posting it that it's actually getting in the way . It will slow me down and once I'm realizing it's actually not a good use of my time in the moment . It was easy to do , but I will tell you there were times where it actually I realized after the fact . I feel like it's a Mel Robbins confessional right now but the fact of laying in bed , like on a Saturday , well past the hour that was appropriate for waking up and going wow , I just read this , really .

Speaker 1

I watched this really great video and then I watched another really great video and I watched another , and then I'm like , what am I doing ? I'm just watching these videos that are popping up in my feed that I don't need . I have so much to do . So it had to become a conscious choice because it's so easy to access . So I don't actually look at my social media before I get up . Do my morning routine . I don't do any of that , probably until mid-morning . I have administrative hours on my calendar , yeah , and that's when I start to look at it , which I know is like late for a lot of people who post , a lot of us who do it .

Speaker 3

But I'm like you know what I'm going to operate on Pacific time , even though I'm fine and I'm on Pacific and I'm always like late to the daily party or the end . But you know it's the past three or four months of who I'm following . I started taking my own advice and saying to myself every time I got off of Instagram , do I feel better or worse than before I got on ? Because it's kind of like a crapshoot .

Speaker 3

I can choose my Netflix and I can kind of know how I'm going to feel and I can pick up a book and understand the genre or whatever , but on Instagram I don't know if I'm going to hop on and see that somebody's puppy just passed away and I'm going to be so sad , or if I'm going to see something inspiring , like from you or from other people , I don't know . And so I started to really kind of questioning , like putting it like , just taking a little bit of inventory , like soul inventory , I would say , and also realizing that if it was a person and it's not even personal about the person , it can be completely where I'm coming from . But if I end up too often seeing a post from a person who I end up not feeling great about it , then I just will take a little break . So I've been a little bit more intentional about who I follow .

Speaker 1

You know , we went a little bit of a rabbit hole on social media . It is so much part of our daily lives , so I think it makes sense , like the reality is . I have some friends you know I'm at that place in midlife where 50% of marriages are ending in divorce , unfortunately , and I'm getting videos from them that are funny little anecdotes on either dating again or the divorce life or whatever they are , and it's very entertaining . And now all of a sudden , my feed was taken over and I was like I'm confused . It's not me , go away , go away Totally . It's highly entertaining , and that's another thing . It's a time waste because , at the end of the day , when we think about our biggest asset , it really is time . Yes , talk to me about intentionality and happiness and prioritizing your time , because I know that you've been very diligent about and you're on .

Speaker 3

Yeah , I have and honestly , kind of piggybacking , michelle , on what you're saying like the algorithms . It's so true that if we want to look at law of attraction or something you know law of attraction I always said you know what you think about you get more of right . And the algorithms have become this like whatever on social media , the algorithms really don't care if what they're serving you makes you happy or not , they just want to retain you . They want the retentions . But I think as far as like intentionality for being happy , so we've got , like the social media , we've got with you know , kind of cut back on those things . When you are a little bit more aware and conscious of how does this or that make me feel ? Kind of , if you start asking yourself that question throughout the day and you say , you know , my intention is to feel even a tiny bit better , then you can make these choices . I can cut back on the news , I can cut back on social media . I don't have to take that phone call from that person who you know maybe doesn't make me feel all that great about myself or life all the time . You can make these choices . So those are the things that you can cut back on right , and then you can always add in the things For me personally , I love what you were saying about the morning routine For me . I am a morning person . I love to go very slow . Obviously you can't every day , but when I can choose to , I add in things that make me feel good , affirmations , a gratitude practice that I adopted when I was in my 20s , when I was going through a really hard time and I saw firsthand how powerful just even a little gratitude practice can be in your life . Meditation I meditate Even 10 minutes a day can change your life . So you can add in these things that you know make you feel good and you can cut back on these things that don't . And that is where we really do have a lot more choice than we believe .

Speaker 3

And also another thing I talk a lot about are thoughts , because you cannot control . We have so many thoughts popping in our head all day You're not going to be able to control them all . However , you really can . When you start paying attention to your attention , you really can start catching yourself . You can be like I could be walking my dog Harper , like on the beach in the morning . It's a beautiful day and like bam , like a bad thought pops into my head . Maybe it was something a politician said the day before that got under my skin , or something that a neighbor said that sounded like a compliment but was really . You know , maybe it's something that happened to me five years ago that I've already unpacked , I've already worked through .

Speaker 3

But as humans , our memories run long and they can be triggered very quickly

The Author's Journey to Self-Acceptance

Speaker 3

, and so when I start catching myself , then I can say to myself you know what ? I don't have to go there right now , like I don't have to think about this . I can let this thought go and turn my attention to what's right in front of me or to something positive . I think it's very easy for all of us also to anticipate , to think about the worst thing that could possibly happen , and I always tell people why not ponder the best , like you know , what's the best possible outcome to this situation ? So I do believe that our thoughts are something that I don't think we can control as easily as selecting something to watch on TV , on Netflix or something . But with a little bit of awareness , intention and effort , we can really change our whole lives by changing our thoughts , even a little bit .

Speaker 1

I mean , you know that I'm a full believer in our thoughts create our environment , because our thoughts become our beliefs and our beliefs then charge our actions , and our actions and our behaviors and our habits form our life . So I'm 100 percent on board with you there . Ok , let's talk a little bit about how you got to writing the book . Because you were in the world of PR , you were doing a lot of other things . You've written three books , yes , but even better is the first one you've published . So talk to us a little bit about the journey of becoming an author .

Speaker 3

Yes , I always loved writing as a little girl . I always had a journal and I always loved poetry and stories and things like that . I started writing my first book totally accidentally . It was the night I dropped out of law school . I dropped out of law school after four days . It just wasn't for me . I had no idea what I was going to do with my life and also I just felt really inspired one evening to sit in my little windowsill nook and that became my first book .

Speaker 3

I got an agent and it was a collection of short stories and it was fun to write and it taught me how to write . It taught me how to finish something . It was incredible . I got an agent pretty quickly and then I don't know how many rejections I had from publishing houses , but let's just say it was a lot . By this time you know how long the journey can be , and so by the time all of this kind of was playing out , I was already in PR . I was doing publicity of an entertainment company , you know , in Beverly Hills , after rejection from the publishing house and I just let it go . That was that , and I just said you know what A lot of authors out there have that one book that's kind of like in their little attic graveyard or something .

Speaker 3

And then the second book that I wrote . It was a novel and I just never , even though I finished it , I never was happy with the ending . But I'm going to tell you you're going to be the first one to notice , michelle I've actually put on my calendar because I've been getting inspired of that ending , and I put it on my calendar to revisit that the end of this year and I'm really looking forward to that .

Speaker 1

Oh , I've got goosebumps . The writing journey is such a self-discovery journey . A lot of people think I'm going to go write about this thing that I know , or even if it's fiction , this thing I'm picking up , and then you learn so much about yourself in the writing process and you process so much of things behind the scenes as you're going through it . It's amazing to me . Some of the stuff I'm talking about , of course , my book is non-fiction . Yeah , things I'm talking about are things that happened 20 plus 40 plus years ago , but they're still relevant .

Speaker 3

Right , there's still like a message 100 relevant .

Speaker 1

They're important context setters and the being . You think you've processed something until you write about it and then you're like huh , this hits differently than sitting in a therapy office , you know , in a therapist's office . It hits differently when you're writing about it and trying to communicate it effectively so that it brings it to life in a visceral way for the audience , the reading audience , and you relive it . So a way for the audience , a reading audience , and you relive it and you realize like , wow , that was really a profound thing that happened and I know it was . That's why I'm writing about it . But I'm reliving it again . And how much you've changed since that original event . And you just get sucked into that all over again . It's a lot to process . As you're unpacking a book , I think a lot of us think , oh , I am distant from that memory , I'm just going to write without you have to . No , you're in it , you're in it again .

Speaker 3

That's what's so You're in it .

Speaker 1

Look , I think some days are really hard , but some days are incredibly inspiring , because you're like , yes , this was it , this was that . Lived experience is sort of now channeling through me that I'm going to be able to share , and it brings it to life for someone else . But you realize , like , how far you've come , yeah , how it still punches the buttons .

Speaker 3

Yes , it can still activate . I mean , I think for a lot of people , writing can be , especially when it comes to any kind of memoir or personal stories that are interwoven in a non-fiction . That's what you know . Mine is heavily uh . Non , it's non-fiction and also my stories are interwoven . It can be so cathartic though .

Speaker 1

It is .

Speaker 3

You know , and it's so interesting , michelle , as a writer , I wonder if you experience this too but because when you are in on the pages , you feel it all , you see it all , and then you get to choose what you're going to share with the reader . And that's a really interesting moment too , to be like how vulnerable do I want to be , how much detail do I want to go into ? Writing is a beautiful thing . I absolutely love it , and there's a lot of choices that are made every single moment . A lot of choices .

Speaker 1

I might have understood that as well as I do now if I hadn't sat down to write this book , because what I wrote , even six months ago going into this book , has evolved . Theme is the same , the topic is the same , the stories are the same , but the level of honesty you don't even realize , simply pulling back on the story and allowing the language to show up differently , how much more authentic it becomes . I didn't even realize the original language was somewhat holding back and that's become in the revision process a lot more . And that's become in the revision process a lot more visceral , a lot more like you're there , you know kind of what's happened in some of these stories and that was . It was a difficult choice to make of saying how honest am I going to be ? And it's so funny for someone who talks about authenticity , right , and it's not that it's not a true story , like all of it , yeah , but how detailed and in the story are you going to allow the reader ? And yeah , that's a choice . It isn't relevant or not . Yes , help them or not .

Speaker 3

Yes , and there's that too , like it's the reader experience as well . So I know it's wild . You just have no idea until you get into it , how many layers there's going to be and choices and all the things .

Speaker 1

Yeah , it's crazy . All right , let's talk about it , because I want to talk a little bit more about self-acceptance . You talk a lot about this in the book . How can people stop being so hard on themselves ? And it feels like such a relevant conversation .

Speaker 1

As my own critic reading a book , it's been really hard . I'm , you know , yeah , I work with a coach who will say how's the book coming and what have you ? And yeah , he goes and I'm like , well , I'm still working on whatever chapter I'm in . And she's like , isn't that the same chapter you're working on ? You know , two weeks ago ? And I said , yeah , I went back to it . She said it's done , it was beautiful , let it go . And she's like you're so critical and I said no , it wasn't to your point earlier , it wasn't quite conveying what I wanted to convey . Yes , need needed it to sharpen the pencil a little bit more about when I wanted to have Germany in that particular story . But I also realize I am probably my own worst critic and I've definitely stood in the way of getting this book out into the world . So it's coming out this year .

Speaker 3

I know and I cannot wait From hell or high water .

Speaker 1

I am so excited for it , but tell me a little bit about your process and what you've learned . You talk a lot about self-acceptance . I know it's something that all of us can benefit from hearing more about .

Speaker 3

Yeah , I have really come to believe strongly not from people I follow or read their books , like in my own experiences , in my own life , people I work with , my clients that work with me for PR and marketing or for any kind of self-empowerment I have learned that self-kindness is the key to success in every area in our lives . Self-kindness is the key to success for your business , it is the key to success for being in relationships . It is everything . Because when you have self-kindness for yourself , you have self-worth , and when you have self-worth and you believe yourself worthy and deserving , you can love yourself , even when there are things about yourself that you don't exactly like . Welcome to the cloud . That's just being a human . You can manifest anything .

Speaker 3

People talk about manifesting , people talk about it over and over , and I'm a big believer . I read all the books , I follow all the people , all the things , but it really starts . Very few people talk about Luis Hay I think was someone who really talked about it . But it all begins in how you value yourself . So self-kindness , how that can show up Because-worth when you say I am worthy and deserving of making a good living doing what

Self-Worth and Manifesting Success

Speaker 3

I love . I am worthy and deserving of being healthy and happy . I am worthy and deserving of being in a kind , loving relationship , having wonderful friends . When you believe this in your core , that you are worthy and deserving , you will manifest anything . Mark my word .

Speaker 1

So and yeah , let's hold that for a minute yeah , so many high achievers of which we have many listening , yes , are seemingly confident on the exterior . They're holding high power jobs and titles or doing doing yeoman's work and they're not the people you would suspect would have worthiness issues and yet so much of their self-worth is tied up in their accomplishments or what their productivity . So the idea of self-kindness or self-acceptance is almost counterintuitive to a lot of these very high achieving individuals , because they're used to having to sacrifice in order to achieve , in order to feel worthy . So how do we short circuit that ? Because we know that that actually just leads to a great deal of burnout . We know that that actually creates a lot of dissatisfaction in life .

Speaker 1

How do we help those individuals who maybe have a lifetime of stocking their value and their titles or achievements , the goals they've been able to break ? You know , I just did this marathon . I'm on to the next marathon and I'm like this right , and I'm always like , yay , go you . Oh , that's hard and at the same time , it's because they're used to being hardwired this way . Yes , a little bit judgmental of those that seem to be going at a slower , more methodical and intentional pace . So how do we break through that myth ?

Speaker 3

People don't want to hear this , but that's okay A lot of these people . First of all , they should be incredibly proud of themselves for everything they achieve , because self-kindness begins with being proud of yourself A hundred percent . So they should absolutely honor themselves and be proud of themselves for running that 10k doing the left . The problem is is when their self-worth is tied to achievements . It's the person who only feels good about themselves when they check something off the to-do list right and and we all know them , I've been them , I've been that person . I still sometimes suffer from that where I'm like , oh my gosh , michelle , I used to be the type of person who would do something not on my to-do list and I would add it to my to-do list just for the satisfaction of crossing it out , because that would make me feel good about myself , not kidding . So , first of all , any way that we can feel proud of ourselves is a win . That's important , absolutely .

Speaker 3

The problem is is that it's tied to the outside . It's tied to achievements , and people who typically find their worth in their achievements , who typically find their worth in their achievements , things like that they equally . You might not see it and they might not say it , but they're usually the people that are the most hard on themselves if they fall short or it's just never enough and self-kindness you're just enough as you are . You just love yourself fully . You love yourself . If you didn't complete the marathon because you were taking care of yourself , you love yourself if you did . You just love yourself unconditionally Doesn't mean you say I'm not going to stop working on myself .

Speaker 3

We're constantly evolving , and it's so important that we all take steps to be the version of ourselves that we love and appreciate even more . But it's really fascinating to watch what happens with people when they start loving themselves as they are . Not when they lose 10 pounds , not when they become a millionaire , not when they become a millionaire , not when they have the kids or get the job , or say I do , or get the , you know , when they love themselves right now . It's really amazing , though , the transformation that happens . People always say I'll love myself when , like , oh my gosh , I'll love myself when I lose 10 pounds , or I'll love myself when I get a job , or I'll love myself when it's easier to make those changes . It's easier to make those transformations , to watch them come into fruition . It's easier to attract what you want .

Speaker 1

I think A hundred percent , absolutely . One thing that always caught me because I fell into this category highly intelligent people , high achievers , suffer from being over intellectual about a lot of things . Right , we over intellectualize a lot , and I think one of the most profound things that ever happened to me was I got a copy of Wayne Dyer's You'll See it when you Believe it . Love it . I remember looking at the title going there's something wrong with this title . You see it when you believe it , what do you mean ? And I was like I think they screwed this up . And of course then I had to buy it because I was just curious .

Speaker 1

And the full notion is within it this idea that , first of all , we are inherently worthy because we know we are spiritual beings having a human existence , and so the worth is never tied to what you do . You're already worthy . Then you start making choices that are authentic to you . If you know who you are and what you want , instead of like you know , the world will tell you . If you don't figure it out by a certain age , right , the world will tell you who you are and what you are , and what you should have and what you shouldn't , if you don't fill in the blanks for yourself . I think that's one of the most unfortunate things that happened as a society . Right , you don't have a clue ? You're just trying to figure yourself out in your 20s . Well beware , the world will tell you who you are . You're going to have to spend time undoing and unlearning and really going within .

Speaker 1

But when you tell a high achiever you're inherently worthy , they get this like knot in their throat . Like what do you mean inherently worthy ? I didn't get anything done today . Yeah , inherently worthy . You didn't even have to do anything to deserve to be told . You're worthy just as you are . That's a game changer for a lot of people . Yeah , and they're like wait a minute , I don't have to jump through the hoops . No , and actually spend time jumping through the hoops and come back and tell me if that actually made you happy in the end . Because if it did , halla , freaking Luia . But nine times out of 10 , I have clients who say , well , I did that because I thought I shouldn't do that , because that's what I was told to do . I don't even know what I like or what I want . This has been the path , right ? I didn't know how to get off the path until here I am .

Speaker 3

Yes , 100% . And what you just said kind of reminded me of that wonderful scene in Bridget Jones' diary when Mark Darcy says to Bridget Jones I like you just the way you are . Yeah , and it's like yeah , not skinny or not like all the things she said . Yeah .

Speaker 1

That's the big aha moment , I think , for a lot of us and I think what makes the 20s often so difficult for a lot of people , and I think it's sort of designed human design . You kind of go into the wilderness in your 20s . Nobody really knows what end is up . And I'm sort of navigating this right now with a son who's 18 and just about ready to graduate high school in a couple of weeks and then head off to college . He looks as cool as a cucumber , the most self-assured , confident kid I know , and he was reading something for me today and he goes .

Speaker 1

You know , reading that chapter really helped me with my anxiety and I had to go . What you and I was like you don't show any of that . And he goes , mom , he's like I'm just like a normal kid , like everyone else . I don't know what I'm doing , I'm making it up as I go , and it just brought me back down to . I was very outwardly expressive of like , oh my God , I don't know what I'm doing , so better as well , do all of it and be great at everything , just in case . And then I have this quiet , introspective kid who's much more observant , much more intentional , but also still I we're 18 , 25 , 40 , 50 , 65 . Totally Constant ? Yeah , it is , and so the self-acceptance piece is critical , because you need it to be able to navigate all of these chapters .

Speaker 3

Well , the truth is is like all love begins with self-love , and you are with you . We are all just with ourselves , from birth to death , your good times and bad , all the things . For the rest of our , you know , we owe it to ourselves to be good to ourselves . We have to love ourselves Like it's our number one job . We have to treat ourselves number one in our lives in order to give that love to other people too . But really , you know , we are our own best friend all the time and we have to just be kind to ourselves . I think that the number one thing that I see that destroys people is self-talk , that talk . Beat yourself up with that talk . And , michelle , I think you and I both agree on this , but you tell me me we teach people how to treat us . We have to set those boundaries , whether it's with bosses or with partners or friends or neighbors or it doesn't matter .

Speaker 1

Yeah yeah , absolutely yeah , think they're the boss of me . Yeah , yeah , I think we have this inherent need to be loved , right , we all love , we all want acceptance , and I think that's probably the hardest thing is when we don't even realize who are outsourcing it . By trying to get people to like us , by trying to do things nice for , like an order , because you're in this conditional space of like , I need to get people to like us . By trying to do things nice for , like an order , because you're in this conditional space of like , I need to get it outside of me , or I want this person to like me or I want you know , I don't want there to be an argument , whatever the thing is fill in the blank .

Speaker 1

And yet , by taking inherently good care of ourselves , by filling up our own cup of ourselves , by filling up our own cup , by being intentional , by protecting our energy yes , big one Our thoughts , mining our mind for our thoughts , and being like whoa , where did that come from ?

Speaker 1

Yeah , now , if I have that negative thought , then that's going to turn into a spiral that is going to have me acting on it . Yes , that action is going to bring about a result or a consequence that doesn't need to happen

Practical Ways to Live an Easier Life

Speaker 1

. It is all the byproduct of a thought I had , and I think , when we start to back up and realize we are the writers here of our own stories and we have a lot more control over what's happening than we realize , yeah , we have really like a responsibility to go back and fill up our cups first and take care of ourselves , create healthy boundaries , right , healthy ways of being , so other people know who we are and how to interact with us , and yet most of us are like I can't believe they did that . Why did they do that to me ? They're like , yeah , kidding , right , you want me to tell you why ?

Speaker 3

yeah , yeah , and it's up to us to decide , like , what feels good , what doesn't feel good , what works for us , what doesn't . This is not behavior I'm gonna accept , you know . Or this is like these are lines that we get to draw in the sand , these are boundaries that we get to create . No one has to create them for us , but we have to create them , and , and then we have to honor them , and we do so all because we love ourselves , because we want to take care of ourselves , because we want to be happy and we want to feel good .

Speaker 1

Well , and I think also , you know , if you think about purpose-driven lives , which we're both for the best thing you can do is take impeccable care of yourself so that you have something to offer the world . You cannot do that in a state of depletion and a state of exhaustion and a state of sadness . You have to be taking just guttural care of yourself so that you are able to have impact in the world . And a lot of people will say , well , not me , that's not what I'm here to do . Yes , yes , it is . You came here for a reason and you have choices on this path and this choice to embrace happiness and make intentional choices around what's going to bring happiness out in you , joy out of you , so that you can have a greater impact on the world , whether that's your household , your family , your classroom , your organization , the broader society at large , whatever that space is that you're occupying . You have a choice every day and you know I actually just did a workshop on this , so I want to share this little bit . Energy , right , everything , we know everything is made of energy you , me , our books , our phones , everything particles , small particles , energy . Everything is this energetic exchange , and you know when you get on a call , or you walk into a room and the energy changes because you're in a state of higher vibration , or you bring it down . You're dimming the light because you're not in a good place and you're literally bringing the entire frequency of the room down . You have a nice waist Talk to everybody , frequency of the room down . You have a nice waste of everybody . There's an electromagnetic field that extends three feet throughout from where you are in any direction minimum . Yeah , you have that power . In fact , your energy speaks before you do , before you even open your mouth . Yeah , and that's like . It's such a powerful thing that people often aren't aware of . They think we're hiding what happened . No one can tell . No , no , we all know , it's out of your being , we sense it and you know , I once thought , like no one can know , like I'm a high pirate executive and I'm just in the world . You know , is was hot to trot in my 30s . I was actually freaking out and falling apart and deeply insecure , but I didn't want anyone to know that . I didn't want to get found out . So it came across as this frenetic energy and probably an assertive confidence to hide the fact that I was really unhappy and very insecure and it came across as just super stressed . Yeah , it was really busy , it was super stressed . Yes , miserable , and others share this really quickly .

Speaker 1

It took my grandmother who was deceased I was giving her eulogy , it took showing up for that to actually pull me back into an understanding that my energy was walking into the room before I did , because here was my grandmother who was the complete opposite life of mine . You know , she loved really our hometown . I mean she had a very modest life , never really had any financial success , never had a career . She had eight children . A lot of tragedy in her life , but the most loving , giving , caring , warm . I mean I think of my grandmother and I immediately think of safety . I immediately think of safety , sanctuary , home . And then contradict that with this young 30-something in a beautiful suit , with all this frenetic energy , yeah , praying to pretend that everything was okay .

Speaker 1

And I'm watching the church at my grandmother's funeral as I'm up on the pulpit , just fill with all these people she had impacted , all these people whose lives she had touched . She'd never left my hometown . I'd been jet-setting to China and Australia and Chile and Argentina and I'm like I'm wondering if five people are going to come to my funeral , because I'm probably missing everybody else for the way I'm behaving and showing up and this weird energy I'm carrying around in me and I remember I was . It just hit me so hard in that moment and I could hear my grandmother going , put the notes down and talk from your heart oh , wow , it's be you , it's enough , it's enough . Wow , Michelle , it's be you , it's enough , it's enough . And it just changed everything how I showed up being more present .

Speaker 1

Yeah , down , becoming a better listener . Before I thought I was trying to prove myself right . Wow , see me , see me do these great things all over the place and like , yay me , and maybe you'll all love me now , kind of thing . And here was my grandmother from beyond the grave going daddy , love you . You have to do more . Whatever you decide to do , just be you , just be present . You know that's all we need . It shifted my life . It literally cracked the foundation , the faulty foundation that I'd built . Yeah , all based on titles and achievements and awards and accolades and money , which I didn't have any growing up , so I had to get some and then that would fix everything . And , yeah , exacerbated bro , yeah , exacerbated bro , yeah , absolutely . But it all came back down to that premise you are enough . You can choose happiness , you can choose how you show up and when you choose how you show up , you have such an opportunity to have an impact on others . Yeah , that's why we're here .

Speaker 3

Yeah , I love that . It's so funny . You and I have always had so like parallel lines , Like we have so much in common . And I write in my book this one section about rethink success . And I really talk about success does not define us . We define success and I share in it a story of when I decided to follow my passion versus staying in the safety of the corporate world . And I write about reading at my grandma Dorothy's Memorial Service a beautiful little poem by Ralph Waldo Emerson .

Speaker 3

It's called what is Success . It's all about how you know , leaving the world a little bit better of a place than you found it . That is to have succeeded . And it was about , you know , maybe it's tending to a garden , maybe it's tending to a child , whatever it is . But it was so interesting that you said that I was really touched because I felt the same way about my grandma . She didn't have it easy at all and in fact she had it quite hard sometimes and also yet she was the very first to laugh and sing and have a good time and celebrate life . And I had that moment , kind of you know , where I really realized like I am not a success . It's like a Sunday , driving away from the parking lot after like another weekend of work , and you know again like success does not define us , we individually define success .

Speaker 1

I love that . I love it , and how blessed are we that we have the experience of having strong grandmothers that will show the way that , despite hardships , despite tragedies , despite not having , maybe , conventional success , they lived well .

Speaker 3

They chose joy even when there was a lot of darkness around them , a lot of hardship , a lot of tough times .

Speaker 1

And I don't think that we're as hardwired in our generation to do that . It's definitely a muscle we need to work on more and more . It's why your book is so important , more and more . It's why your book is so important . Let's go through . I would love for you if you could talk to us just a few minutes about , maybe , some of the ways intentionality , choosing joy , slowing down . What are the top ways that we can live an easier life ? What are your favorite even better go-tos ?

Speaker 3

I love this . I love this so much . So , obviously we've covered ways that we can choose joy in our daily life . We've talked about also , you know , a lot of self-love and kindness , but in the day-to-day let's just be real . Life is a lot . Your phone pings , the doorbell rings like everything's like it's Fender Bender in the E-Born , expected , yes , yes , Hello , Exactly Like life happens , right .

Speaker 3

And one of the best things that we can do a few things is I'm very much a believer that we are here for purpose . Like I had a dream , like to write this book , right , this was important to me and I also knew , with every hiccup or anything that it would come into the world in its own perfect time . So three things that we can do . The first one is we can stop trying to control everything that we can't control , because all it does is drive us crazy . Right , it's like bend with the wind . Like the palm tree is one of the strongest in the world because it knows how to bend with the wind . You know even the beautiful , ginormous , incredible oak trees . They don't bend , they snap the palm . It goes with the wind and so it adapts , the more that we can adapt and not fight these things that are out of our control , the better it is for our nervous systems , for our minds , for our sanity , for manifesting . The more that we can go with the flow , the better off we are .

Speaker 3

The second thing I want to say that I think is so important to create a little bit more ease in everybody's life is to honor our life seasons . You know , Michelle , you are so accomplished and there's so much that you've done , you are doing and you will continue to do Each and every one of us right . But we cannot do it all at the same time while still enjoying the journey and also taking good care of ourselves . We just can't , and sometimes the kindest thing we can do for ourselves is say you know , this is the journey of writing , this is the season of writing my book . This is the season of raising my child . This is the season of establishing myself in a new community after moving and making new friends , Like whatever it is . Maybe this is the season to get a new job or to really step it up a notch at your current job . Maybe this is the season to get a new job or to really step it up a notch at your current job . Maybe this is the season to start your own company , whatever it is , honor that season that you're in , without trying to do it all at once , because there will always be next season , you know .

Speaker 3

And the third thing that I love is just the very simple day to day . It's like I'm an easy button person , right ? You remember that staple ? That was easy . I'm the easy person and I think that life is hard and there's a lot going on all the time and you can't always press the easy button .

Speaker 3

But the choices that we make it's like if I am really tight on time right now and I'm stressed , do I have to bake a dozen cupcakes for book club or can I just go down to the bakery and buy them ?

Speaker 3

You know like there are these little choices I am all about like press the easy button , take the shortcut , take off your overachiever hat , kick back , relax , because I also believe that the happier we are , the easier it is to get things done . And I know that might sound really strange to people , but I think it's just what you're talking about energy and frequency . It's like the more calm we have in our lives and our day to day , the choices that we make to kind of just make our lives , to uncomplicate our lives as much as possible , We'll just have a better energy frequency to manifest if we want to go down that rabbit hole . But those are my three things , my top things , yeah , and I think each and every one of us can do that and you know we all can do it . But it all starts with intention and awareness .

Speaker 1

All right , before we close , I'm going to give you the floor with one piece of advice that you would give to our listeners to be happier right now .

Speaker 3

Oh gosh , give to our listeners to be happier right now . Oh gosh , I feel like we've covered so much already , but I would just say love yourself

Prioritizing Joy and Redefining Success

Speaker 3

, believe in yourself , take it easy on yourself . One thing that I love to tell people , or you know to consider doing , is each day , prioritize your joy , to boost your joy levels by taking a daily moment of joy . Can be five minutes , it can be 10 minutes , it can be a whole afternoon , but the whole point is to write something on your to do list for that day . That is like my daily moment of joy , because you are prioritizing your happiness .

Speaker 1

I think this is so important and such a wonderful note to end on , because I know I certainly , growing up , was one of those people who was very high achieving and thought I had to delay joy . I had to earn joy . I had to work super hard and if I worked super hard and crossed everything off my list and I did really , really well , then I can have a moment of joy . I had to work super hard and if I worked super hard and crossed everything off my list and I did really really well , then I can have a moment of joy . And after a period of time it catches up with you and then you find that you can't be joyful and you're really either going to have a breakdown or a breakthrough . Right , and I'm pretty grateful that I had the breakdown that led to the breakthrough , and now joy is the priority . Joy is the point , and I took a lot of unlearning , a lot of ways of being that I was not accustomed to , that I actually do produce my best work when I'm operating from a joyful state , when I am completely depleted and exhausted , and yet that is very much a cultural Western society outlook . It is . Why are you going to go ? Do that now Like , what have you done lately ? Like , and we have to stop that . We have to stop that shaming and judging , because I'll tell you I've done more in the two years that I left my corporate environment than all of those years . I will say , look , I did great work . I'm proud of the work I did , but personally satisfied that I was showing up as my authentic self , living my purpose and having an impact . I've done more in two years than I did in those 20 plus years Not proud to say .

Speaker 1

I find it almost like a cautionary tale . I love telling younger people . I hope , I hope that you'll listen to these stories . You don't have to go down the same route . There is a different way and we're redefining success and I think this is a beautiful time , despite all of the chaos . It's a beautiful time to be growing up and being alive , because the conversation around what success is and what constitutes an extraordinary life is mainstream now . In a way it was never discussed when we were growing up , and opportunity to have an even greater impact at a younger age . Because you understand the point of this life . It's a magnitude better .

Speaker 3

So interesting to Michelle . But no , but it's so interesting because , you know , in the corporate you and I both had the corporate and then we both branched out on our own and I will say even like , if you want to talk about hours , you know , I mean , we both put in .

Speaker 1

I mean so many hours in the car . Why does Will have become a lawyer ? Because I had billable hours in the corporate world .

Speaker 3

But when I started my first company or when I wrote my book I mean , I can't tell you how many Saturdays and Sundays I wrote this book or when I started my company , yes , but when you have passion for it , like when the work itself brings you joy , that is like the best thing in the whole entire world . I remember Howard Shulman said the author . He said don't ask what the world needs , Ask what makes you come alive , Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive .

Speaker 1

And I think that's so profound .

Speaker 3

And when you do work , you know whether it's your book or you're . You know building your business , working with your clients . I love my clients . When you help people , whenever it is that you are doing , if it lights your soul on fire , if it brings you know , if it makes you lose track of time in the very best way , that is wonderful , Like that is the ultimate , I think , joy that you can achieve . So it's not just about , like you know , sitting on the couch and nibbling chocolate . Well , that's fantastic .

Speaker 1

But it's also about doing these things that give oxygen to your soul into this world is spirit . We're walking in this human journey but still our essence is spirit and we will return at the end of the journey . Like matter is neither created nor destroyed people , we're just changing states . But our true essence is spiritual . And when you recognize that , feeding the soul , feeding our need for self-expression and for living in that place of joy , and that what you were describing earlier , when you lose that track of time because you're enjoying it so much as flows and we can't operate from flows , you know , I want to say it's like that divinity within you coming alive . Anything is possible , you're really operating in that field of all possibility and you are creating life . That's giving me the chills talking about it , because that , right , there is what the world needs more of , more of us coming alive . Oh , thank you so much for your

Closing Thoughts and Contact Information

Speaker 1

time on the show .

Speaker 3

Thank you for having me , Michelle .

Speaker 1

You're the best you know how much I love you . Thank you for sharing your gifts and talking about the book , so help everybody understand where they can find you and where they can get a copy of the book .

Speaker 3

Yes , yes , come say hello to me on Instagram at emilyflorenceoffer and you can sign up for my newsletter at emilyflorencecom . And you can sign up for my newsletter at emilyflorencecom and you can get a copy of Even Better , easier Ways to a Happier Life on Amazon , barnes , noble pretty much all the book places . I would love to get to know . I love you , I love your audience . Michelle , you have like the best community , so I look forward to getting to know all of the people in your community and your listeners as well .

Speaker 1

Oh , thank you , Emily . We love you too . All right , everyone . Until next time , go and live your extraordinary life .

Speaker 2

Thank you for listening to today's episode . If you enjoyed this podcast episode , please take a moment to rate and review . If you have recommendations for future topics , please reach out to me at michelleriosofficialcom . Lastly , please consider supporting this podcast by sharing it . Together , we can reach , inspire and positively impact more people . Thank you .

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Michelle Rios

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