Live Your Extraordinary Life With Michelle Rios

Even Better: Easier Ways to a Happier Life with Emily Florence

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Speaker 1:

This episode of the Live your Extraordinary Life podcast is brought to you by Transformational Coaching with Michelle Rios. Created for high achievers just like you who've checked all the boxes yet still wonder is this really it? You've built success, but deep down, you're craving more more meaning, more freedom, more joy. Deep down, you're craving more more meaning, more freedom, more joy. You're ready for your next chapter, one that feels fully aligned, deeply fulfilling and unapologetically yours? Through my transformational coaching, I'll help you break free from the patterns and beliefs keeping you stuck. Clarify your vision for life and business in this next chapter of life, for life and business in this next chapter of life, build unshakable confidence and self-trust. Align your mindset, energy and actions so success feels authentic and easeful, and create extraordinary results without sacrificing yourself along the way. If you're done playing small and you're ready to rise, visit michelleriosofficialcom. Backslash coaching to learn more and apply. Your extraordinary life is waiting. Are you ready?

Speaker 3:

When you say I am worthy and deserving of making a good living doing what I love. I am worthy and deserving of being healthy and happy. I am worthy and deserving of being in a kind, loving relationship, having wonderful friends. When you believe this in your core that you are worthy and deserving, you will manifest anything. Mark my word.

Speaker 2:

Hi, I'm Michelle Rios, host of the Live your Extraordinary Life podcast. This podcast is built on the premise that life is meant to be joyful, but far too often we settle for less. So if you've ever thought that something is missing from your life, that you were meant for more, or you simply want to experience more joy in the everyday, then this podcast is for you. Each week, I'll bring you captivating personal stories, transformative life lessons and juicy conversations on living life to the fullest, with the hope to inspire you to create a life you love on your terms, with authenticity, purpose and connection. Together, we'll explore what it means to live an extraordinary life, the things that hold us back and the steps we all can take to start living our best lives. So come along for the journey. It's never too late to get started, and the world needs your light.

Speaker 1:

Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of the Live your Extraordinary Life podcast. I'm your host, michelle Rios, and today I'm thrilled to introduce you to Emily Florence. Emily is an award-winning writer, she's a coach and she's the author of Even Better, easier Ways to a Happier Life. And I want to delve in deep because we have so many synchronicities. We've known each other for a while and I know that you're going to find this just to be a juicy and very relatable conversation. So with that, emily, welcome to the show.

Speaker 3:

Thank you so much, Michelle. I'm so happy to be here.

Speaker 1:

Well, I'm thrilled that you could make the time to come, because you have a book out there and you have been doing your like everything getting it out to everyone's hands and I'm really happy to say it's getting a lot of notice. In fact, I want to say it was actually named the Feel Good Book of 2024.

Speaker 3:

And I know you're going to end up sweeping a whole bunch in 2025 because you came out with the audio book or the paperback to remind, the hardcover came out and then the paperback and then the audio comes out in the fall, which I'm so excited about.

Speaker 1:

Oh my gosh, this is really excited about it. An author in progress right here. I feel this in my bones. I'm really excited about it. An author in progress right here. I feel this in my bones. I'm so excited for you and I'm so excited how well the book has done and you have, in large part, really been the marketer behind it. It's what a lot of people don't know is that when you sit down to write a book, you're not done. When the writing is done, it's a big thing. So my hat goes off to you. Let's step back, because I know so much of what you talk about is really about happiness. How do we choose happiness in a world that really prioritizes hustle and kind of glorifies that busyness thing? So let's talk about happiness as a whole. You say happiness isn't just something that happens, it's something we can choose. What are ways people can choose more happiness each day, no matter what's going on and let's be honest, there's a lot going on right now there?

Speaker 3:

is a lot going on and you know, it was really interesting. When I set out to write this book, I knew that I wanted to title it something that was like the opportunity, like something about, you know, a better life, right, and so I chose even better. And then the subtitle is easier ways to a happier life. Because it's not easy, right, but there are easier ways. And I think the first thing that I recognize in so many people, and myself as well we have to choose it, we have to want it. Which might sound really simple, michelle, if I'm listening to you, I'd be like well, of course I want to be happy. Who doesn't want to be happy? But when you actually you really intend for it, you start making different choices. But the first thing you need to do you have to intend for it. The second thing that you need to do is you need to be aware, because when you create more awareness, then you can make different choices. So what I mean by that is so often we just go through the motions, right, we just do the things. It could be social media, it could be talking to a friend who, quite frankly, is kind of draining. There are all these different things that we just do. But when we have the intention to say you know what I want to be even a tiny bit happier, I want to feel even a little bit better in my daily life, then we can make some choices, some very, very specific choices.

Speaker 3:

I think that all of us can make is to pay attention to our attention, right to our attention. Right, like I can't choose so many things that happen around me or in the news or outside of my world I cannot control. But I can absolutely control what I turn on at night when I watch TV. I can absolutely control the podcast, like your podcast is so inspiring, it's so empowering, it's so uplifting. I'm like everyone should listen to Michelle's podcast. Right, it's positive. But I could also listen to things that really bring me down, like the news. Yes, exactly, and I believe you know I did my master's in broadcast journalism. I love the news. I have a lot of respect for being informed, and also I know that we do not need to glue ourselves to the TV or to the radio all day long. You know, we can get the information and get on with our days. So, paying attention to our attention, social media is a big one. I think we're going to be talking about that a lot more and more over the next years, decades to come for sure.

Speaker 1:

Hold on for a minute. Let's stay there for a minute Because, well, two things. You and I come from the world of public relations, so my life for 20 some odd years was really about devouring as much of the news and the headlines as I could, because it was going to impact my particularly my corporate clients on any given day. And I was looking at financial news, I was looking at headlines, what was happening and trends, so that was part of my job. First thing, I did grab my phone and check the headlines, and now that I've transitioned to another walk of life, that's not the case.

Speaker 1:

However, it is so tempting to get up first thing in the morning and check your Instagram feed, and so I've had to get into the habit of putting my phone on the other side of the room to charge and not letting that be my first go-to in the morning, but it was for a long time. It took the place of the news consumption that I was doing for work for the agency world. It was sort of an easy replacement, but it immediately just gets you in this state of mind, of tactic. You're already comparing yourself.

Speaker 3:

You haven't even got it 100%, 100%. And I have this. You know my book is obviously. You know it's like bite-sized chapters, but I have this incredibly bite-sized one-page chapter called Create Before you Consume and it's this idea that I'm a big believer that we are all being like taken. It's very easy to be taken off course, right, it's very easy for us to get on someone else's agenda, whether that's like waking up and seeing a text message from somebody or an email before the workday actually has to be, or social media, or opening your email and there's a newsletter.

Speaker 1:

Is everywhere, everywhere, everywhere you turn, there's an opportunity to be distracted totally, I know, and it's so hard.

Speaker 3:

How do you deal with that, like, what do you do? What are your healthy boundaries with social media? I'm always so curious.

Speaker 1:

I would say I have to be very conscientious and intentional about it. But, for example, finishing up the manuscript that I'm working on, I had to say I'm not going to be as active during this period because it's so easy to go down a rabbit hole of either creating content and consuming content right after creating it and posting it that it's actually getting in the way. It will slow me down and once I'm realizing it's actually not a good use of my time in the moment. It was easy to do, but I will tell you there were times where it actually I realized after the fact. I feel like it's a Mel Robbins confessional right now but the fact of laying in bed, like on a Saturday, well past the hour that was appropriate for waking up and going wow, I just read this, really.

Speaker 1:

I watched this really great video and then I watched another really great video and I watched another, and then I'm like, what am I doing? I'm just watching these videos that are popping up in my feed that I don't need. I have so much to do. So it had to become a conscious choice because it's so easy to access. So I don't actually look at my social media before I get up. Do my morning routine. I don't do any of that, probably until mid-morning. I have administrative hours on my calendar, yeah, and that's when I start to look at it, which I know is like late for a lot of people who post, a lot of us who do it.

Speaker 3:

But I'm like you know what I'm going to operate on Pacific time, even though I'm fine and I'm on Pacific and I'm always like late to the daily party or the end. But you know it's the past three or four months of who I'm following. I started taking my own advice and saying to myself every time I got off of Instagram, do I feel better or worse than before I got on? Because it's kind of like a crapshoot.

Speaker 3:

I can choose my Netflix and I can kind of know how I'm going to feel and I can pick up a book and understand the genre or whatever, but on Instagram I don't know if I'm going to hop on and see that somebody's puppy just passed away and I'm going to be so sad, or if I'm going to see something inspiring, like from you or from other people, I don't know. And so I started to really kind of questioning, like putting it like, just taking a little bit of inventory, like soul inventory, I would say, and also realizing that if it was a person and it's not even personal about the person, it can be completely where I'm coming from. But if I end up too often seeing a post from a person who I end up not feeling great about it, then I just will take a little break. So I've been a little bit more intentional about who I follow.

Speaker 1:

You know, we went a little bit of a rabbit hole on social media. It is so much part of our daily lives, so I think it makes sense, like the reality is. I have some friends you know I'm at that place in midlife where 50% of marriages are ending in divorce, unfortunately, and I'm getting videos from them that are funny little anecdotes on either dating again or the divorce life or whatever they are, and it's very entertaining. And now all of a sudden, my feed was taken over and I was like I'm confused. It's not me, go away, go away Totally. It's highly entertaining, and that's another thing. It's a time waste because, at the end of the day, when we think about our biggest asset, it really is time. Yes, talk to me about intentionality and happiness and prioritizing your time, because I know that you've been very diligent about and you're on.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I have and honestly, kind of piggybacking, michelle, on what you're saying like the algorithms. It's so true that if we want to look at law of attraction or something you know law of attraction I always said you know what you think about you get more of right. And the algorithms have become this like whatever on social media, the algorithms really don't care if what they're serving you makes you happy or not, they just want to retain you. They want the retentions. But I think as far as like intentionality for being happy, so we've got, like the social media, we've got with you know, kind of cut back on those things. When you are a little bit more aware and conscious of how does this or that make me feel? Kind of, if you start asking yourself that question throughout the day and you say, you know, my intention is to feel even a tiny bit better, then you can make these choices. I can cut back on the news, I can cut back on social media. I don't have to take that phone call from that person who you know maybe doesn't make me feel all that great about myself or life all the time. You can make these choices. So those are the things that you can cut back on right, and then you can always add in the things For me personally, I love what you were saying about the morning routine For me. I am a morning person. I love to go very slow. Obviously you can't every day, but when I can choose to, I add in things that make me feel good, affirmations, a gratitude practice that I adopted when I was in my 20s, when I was going through a really hard time and I saw firsthand how powerful just even a little gratitude practice can be in your life. Meditation I meditate Even 10 minutes a day can change your life. So you can add in these things that you know make you feel good and you can cut back on these things that don't. And that is where we really do have a lot more choice than we believe.

Speaker 3:

And also another thing I talk a lot about are thoughts, because you cannot control. We have so many thoughts popping in our head all day You're not going to be able to control them all. However, you really can. When you start paying attention to your attention, you really can start catching yourself. You can be like I could be walking my dog Harper, like on the beach in the morning. It's a beautiful day and like bam, like a bad thought pops into my head. Maybe it was something a politician said the day before that got under my skin, or something that a neighbor said that sounded like a compliment but was really. You know, maybe it's something that happened to me five years ago that I've already unpacked, I've already worked through.

Speaker 3:

But as humans, our memories run long and they can be triggered very quickly, and so when I start catching myself, then I can say to myself you know what? I don't have to go there right now, like I don't have to think about this. I can let this thought go and turn my attention to what's right in front of me or to something positive. I think it's very easy for all of us also to anticipate, to think about the worst thing that could possibly happen, and I always tell people why not ponder the best, like you know, what's the best possible outcome to this situation? So I do believe that our thoughts are something that I don't think we can control as easily as selecting something to watch on TV, on Netflix or something. But with a little bit of awareness, intention and effort, we can really change our whole lives by changing our thoughts, even a little bit.

Speaker 1:

I mean, you know that I'm a full believer in our thoughts create our environment, because our thoughts become our beliefs and our beliefs then charge our actions, and our actions and our behaviors and our habits form our life. So I'm 100 percent on board with you there. Ok, let's talk a little bit about how you got to writing the book. Because you were in the world of PR, you were doing a lot of other things. You've written three books, yes, but even better is the first one you've published. So talk to us a little bit about the journey of becoming an author.

Speaker 3:

Yes, I always loved writing as a little girl. I always had a journal and I always loved poetry and stories and things like that. I started writing my first book totally accidentally. It was the night I dropped out of law school. I dropped out of law school after four days. It just wasn't for me. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life and also I just felt really inspired one evening to sit in my little windowsill nook and that became my first book.

Speaker 3:

I got an agent and it was a collection of short stories and it was fun to write and it taught me how to write. It taught me how to finish something. It was incredible. I got an agent pretty quickly and then I don't know how many rejections I had from publishing houses, but let's just say it was a lot. By this time you know how long the journey can be, and so by the time all of this kind of was playing out, I was already in PR. I was doing publicity of an entertainment company, you know, in Beverly Hills, after rejection from the publishing house and I just let it go. That was that, and I just said you know what A lot of authors out there have that one book that's kind of like in their little attic graveyard or something.

Speaker 3:

And then the second book that I wrote. It was a novel and I just never, even though I finished it, I never was happy with the ending. But I'm going to tell you you're going to be the first one to notice, michelle I've actually put on my calendar because I've been getting inspired of that ending, and I put it on my calendar to revisit that the end of this year and I'm really looking forward to that.

Speaker 1:

Oh, I've got goosebumps. The writing journey is such a self-discovery journey. A lot of people think I'm going to go write about this thing that I know, or even if it's fiction, this thing I'm picking up, and then you learn so much about yourself in the writing process and you process so much of things behind the scenes as you're going through it. It's amazing to me. Some of the stuff I'm talking about, of course, my book is non-fiction. Yeah, things I'm talking about are things that happened 20 plus 40 plus years ago, but they're still relevant.

Speaker 3:

Right, there's still like a message 100 relevant.

Speaker 1:

They're important context setters and the being. You think you've processed something until you write about it and then you're like huh, this hits differently than sitting in a therapy office, you know, in a therapist's office. It hits differently when you're writing about it and trying to communicate it effectively so that it brings it to life in a visceral way for the audience, the reading audience, and you relive it. So a way for the audience, a reading audience, and you relive it and you realize like, wow, that was really a profound thing that happened and I know it was. That's why I'm writing about it. But I'm reliving it again. And how much you've changed since that original event. And you just get sucked into that all over again. It's a lot to process. As you're unpacking a book, I think a lot of us think, oh, I am distant from that memory, I'm just going to write without you have to. No, you're in it, you're in it again.

Speaker 3:

That's what's so You're in it.

Speaker 1:

Look, I think some days are really hard, but some days are incredibly inspiring, because you're like, yes, this was it, this was that. Lived experience is sort of now channeling through me that I'm going to be able to share, and it brings it to life for someone else. But you realize, like, how far you've come, yeah, how it still punches the buttons.

Speaker 3:

Yes, it can still activate. I mean, I think for a lot of people, writing can be, especially when it comes to any kind of memoir or personal stories that are interwoven in a non-fiction. That's what you know. Mine is heavily uh. Non, it's non-fiction and also my stories are interwoven. It can be so cathartic though.

Speaker 1:

It is.

Speaker 3:

You know, and it's so interesting, michelle, as a writer, I wonder if you experience this too but because when you are in on the pages, you feel it all, you see it all, and then you get to choose what you're going to share with the reader. And that's a really interesting moment too, to be like how vulnerable do I want to be, how much detail do I want to go into? Writing is a beautiful thing. I absolutely love it, and there's a lot of choices that are made every single moment. A lot of choices.

Speaker 1:

I might have understood that as well as I do now if I hadn't sat down to write this book, because what I wrote, even six months ago going into this book, has evolved. Theme is the same, the topic is the same, the stories are the same, but the level of honesty you don't even realize, simply pulling back on the story and allowing the language to show up differently, how much more authentic it becomes. I didn't even realize the original language was somewhat holding back and that's become in the revision process a lot more. And that's become in the revision process a lot more visceral, a lot more like you're there, you know kind of what's happened in some of these stories and that was. It was a difficult choice to make of saying how honest am I going to be? And it's so funny for someone who talks about authenticity, right, and it's not that it's not a true story, like all of it, yeah, but how detailed and in the story are you going to allow the reader? And yeah, that's a choice. It isn't relevant or not. Yes, help them or not.

Speaker 3:

Yes, and there's that too, like it's the reader experience as well. So I know it's wild. You just have no idea until you get into it, how many layers there's going to be and choices and all the things.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's crazy. All right, let's talk about it, because I want to talk a little bit more about self-acceptance. You talk a lot about this in the book. How can people stop being so hard on themselves? And it feels like such a relevant conversation.

Speaker 1:

As my own critic reading a book, it's been really hard. I'm, you know, yeah, I work with a coach who will say how's the book coming and what have you? And yeah, he goes and I'm like, well, I'm still working on whatever chapter I'm in. And she's like, isn't that the same chapter you're working on? You know, two weeks ago? And I said, yeah, I went back to it. She said it's done, it was beautiful, let it go. And she's like you're so critical and I said no, it wasn't to your point earlier, it wasn't quite conveying what I wanted to convey. Yes, need needed it to sharpen the pencil a little bit more about when I wanted to have Germany in that particular story. But I also realize I am probably my own worst critic and I've definitely stood in the way of getting this book out into the world. So it's coming out this year.

Speaker 3:

I know and I cannot wait From hell or high water.

Speaker 1:

I am so excited for it, but tell me a little bit about your process and what you've learned. You talk a lot about self-acceptance. I know it's something that all of us can benefit from hearing more about.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I have really come to believe strongly not from people I follow or read their books, like in my own experiences, in my own life, people I work with, my clients that work with me for PR and marketing or for any kind of self-empowerment I have learned that self-kindness is the key to success in every area in our lives. Self-kindness is the key to success for your business, it is the key to success for being in relationships. It is everything. Because when you have self-kindness for yourself, you have self-worth, and when you have self-worth and you believe yourself worthy and deserving, you can love yourself, even when there are things about yourself that you don't exactly like. Welcome to the cloud. That's just being a human. You can manifest anything.

Speaker 3:

People talk about manifesting, people talk about it over and over, and I'm a big believer. I read all the books, I follow all the people, all the things, but it really starts. Very few people talk about Luis Hay I think was someone who really talked about it. But it all begins in how you value yourself. So self-kindness, how that can show up Because-worth when you say I am worthy and deserving of making a good living doing what I love. I am worthy and deserving of being healthy and happy. I am worthy and deserving of being in a kind, loving relationship, having wonderful friends. When you believe this in your core, that you are worthy and deserving, you will manifest anything. Mark my word.

Speaker 1:

So and yeah, let's hold that for a minute yeah, so many high achievers of which we have many listening, yes, are seemingly confident on the exterior. They're holding high power jobs and titles or doing doing yeoman's work and they're not the people you would suspect would have worthiness issues and yet so much of their self-worth is tied up in their accomplishments or what their productivity. So the idea of self-kindness or self-acceptance is almost counterintuitive to a lot of these very high achieving individuals, because they're used to having to sacrifice in order to achieve, in order to feel worthy. So how do we short circuit that? Because we know that that actually just leads to a great deal of burnout. We know that that actually creates a lot of dissatisfaction in life.

Speaker 1:

How do we help those individuals who maybe have a lifetime of stocking their value and their titles or achievements, the goals they've been able to break? You know, I just did this marathon. I'm on to the next marathon and I'm like this right, and I'm always like, yay, go you. Oh, that's hard and at the same time, it's because they're used to being hardwired this way. Yes, a little bit judgmental of those that seem to be going at a slower, more methodical and intentional pace. So how do we break through that myth?

Speaker 3:

People don't want to hear this, but that's okay A lot of these people. First of all, they should be incredibly proud of themselves for everything they achieve, because self-kindness begins with being proud of yourself A hundred percent. So they should absolutely honor themselves and be proud of themselves for running that 10k doing the left. The problem is is when their self-worth is tied to achievements. It's the person who only feels good about themselves when they check something off the to-do list right and and we all know them, I've been them, I've been that person. I still sometimes suffer from that where I'm like, oh my gosh, michelle, I used to be the type of person who would do something not on my to-do list and I would add it to my to-do list just for the satisfaction of crossing it out, because that would make me feel good about myself, not kidding. So, first of all, any way that we can feel proud of ourselves is a win. That's important, absolutely.

Speaker 3:

The problem is is that it's tied to the outside. It's tied to achievements, and people who typically find their worth in their achievements, who typically find their worth in their achievements, things like that they equally. You might not see it and they might not say it, but they're usually the people that are the most hard on themselves if they fall short or it's just never enough and self-kindness you're just enough as you are. You just love yourself fully. You love yourself. If you didn't complete the marathon because you were taking care of yourself, you love yourself if you did. You just love yourself unconditionally Doesn't mean you say I'm not going to stop working on myself.

Speaker 3:

We're constantly evolving, and it's so important that we all take steps to be the version of ourselves that we love and appreciate even more. But it's really fascinating to watch what happens with people when they start loving themselves as they are. Not when they lose 10 pounds, not when they become a millionaire, not when they become a millionaire, not when they have the kids or get the job, or say I do, or get the, you know, when they love themselves right now. It's really amazing, though, the transformation that happens. People always say I'll love myself when, like, oh my gosh, I'll love myself when I lose 10 pounds, or I'll love myself when I get a job, or I'll love myself when it's easier to make those changes. It's easier to make those transformations, to watch them come into fruition. It's easier to attract what you want.

Speaker 1:

I think A hundred percent, absolutely. One thing that always caught me because I fell into this category highly intelligent people, high achievers, suffer from being over intellectual about a lot of things. Right, we over intellectualize a lot, and I think one of the most profound things that ever happened to me was I got a copy of Wayne Dyer's You'll See it when you Believe it. Love it. I remember looking at the title going there's something wrong with this title. You see it when you believe it, what do you mean? And I was like I think they screwed this up. And of course then I had to buy it because I was just curious.

Speaker 1:

And the full notion is within it this idea that, first of all, we are inherently worthy because we know we are spiritual beings having a human existence, and so the worth is never tied to what you do. You're already worthy. Then you start making choices that are authentic to you. If you know who you are and what you want, instead of like you know, the world will tell you. If you don't figure it out by a certain age, right, the world will tell you who you are and what you are, and what you should have and what you shouldn't, if you don't fill in the blanks for yourself. I think that's one of the most unfortunate things that happened as a society. Right, you don't have a clue? You're just trying to figure yourself out in your 20s. Well beware, the world will tell you who you are. You're going to have to spend time undoing and unlearning and really going within.

Speaker 1:

But when you tell a high achiever you're inherently worthy, they get this like knot in their throat. Like what do you mean inherently worthy? I didn't get anything done today. Yeah, inherently worthy. You didn't even have to do anything to deserve to be told. You're worthy just as you are. That's a game changer for a lot of people. Yeah, and they're like wait a minute, I don't have to jump through the hoops. No, and actually spend time jumping through the hoops and come back and tell me if that actually made you happy in the end. Because if it did, halla, freaking Luia. But nine times out of 10, I have clients who say, well, I did that because I thought I shouldn't do that, because that's what I was told to do. I don't even know what I like or what I want. This has been the path, right? I didn't know how to get off the path until here I am.

Speaker 3:

Yes, 100%. And what you just said kind of reminded me of that wonderful scene in Bridget Jones' diary when Mark Darcy says to Bridget Jones I like you just the way you are. Yeah, and it's like yeah, not skinny or not like all the things she said. Yeah.

Speaker 1:

That's the big aha moment, I think, for a lot of us and I think what makes the 20s often so difficult for a lot of people, and I think it's sort of designed human design. You kind of go into the wilderness in your 20s. Nobody really knows what end is up. And I'm sort of navigating this right now with a son who's 18 and just about ready to graduate high school in a couple of weeks and then head off to college. He looks as cool as a cucumber, the most self-assured, confident kid I know, and he was reading something for me today and he goes.

Speaker 1:

You know, reading that chapter really helped me with my anxiety and I had to go. What you and I was like you don't show any of that. And he goes, mom, he's like I'm just like a normal kid, like everyone else. I don't know what I'm doing, I'm making it up as I go, and it just brought me back down to. I was very outwardly expressive of like, oh my God, I don't know what I'm doing, so better as well, do all of it and be great at everything, just in case. And then I have this quiet, introspective kid who's much more observant, much more intentional, but also still I we're 18, 25, 40, 50, 65. Totally Constant? Yeah, it is, and so the self-acceptance piece is critical, because you need it to be able to navigate all of these chapters.

Speaker 3:

Well, the truth is is like all love begins with self-love, and you are with you. We are all just with ourselves, from birth to death, your good times and bad, all the things. For the rest of our, you know, we owe it to ourselves to be good to ourselves. We have to love ourselves Like it's our number one job. We have to treat ourselves number one in our lives in order to give that love to other people too. But really, you know, we are our own best friend all the time and we have to just be kind to ourselves. I think that the number one thing that I see that destroys people is self-talk, that talk. Beat yourself up with that talk. And, michelle, I think you and I both agree on this, but you tell me me we teach people how to treat us. We have to set those boundaries, whether it's with bosses or with partners or friends or neighbors or it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1:

Yeah yeah, absolutely yeah, think they're the boss of me. Yeah, yeah, I think we have this inherent need to be loved, right, we all love, we all want acceptance, and I think that's probably the hardest thing is when we don't even realize who are outsourcing it. By trying to get people to like us, by trying to do things nice for, like an order, because you're in this conditional space of like, I need to get people to like us. By trying to do things nice for, like an order, because you're in this conditional space of like, I need to get it outside of me, or I want this person to like me or I want you know, I don't want there to be an argument, whatever the thing is fill in the blank.

Speaker 1:

And yet, by taking inherently good care of ourselves, by filling up our own cup of ourselves, by filling up our own cup, by being intentional, by protecting our energy yes, big one Our thoughts, mining our mind for our thoughts, and being like whoa, where did that come from?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, now, if I have that negative thought, then that's going to turn into a spiral that is going to have me acting on it. Yes, that action is going to bring about a result or a consequence that doesn't need to happen. It is all the byproduct of a thought I had, and I think, when we start to back up and realize we are the writers here of our own stories and we have a lot more control over what's happening than we realize, yeah, we have really like a responsibility to go back and fill up our cups first and take care of ourselves, create healthy boundaries, right, healthy ways of being, so other people know who we are and how to interact with us, and yet most of us are like I can't believe they did that. Why did they do that to me? They're like, yeah, kidding, right, you want me to tell you why?

Speaker 3:

yeah, yeah, and it's up to us to decide, like, what feels good, what doesn't feel good, what works for us, what doesn't. This is not behavior I'm gonna accept, you know. Or this is like these are lines that we get to draw in the sand, these are boundaries that we get to create. No one has to create them for us, but we have to create them, and, and then we have to honor them, and we do so all because we love ourselves, because we want to take care of ourselves, because we want to be happy and we want to feel good.

Speaker 1:

Well, and I think also, you know, if you think about purpose-driven lives, which we're both for the best thing you can do is take impeccable care of yourself so that you have something to offer the world. You cannot do that in a state of depletion and a state of exhaustion and a state of sadness. You have to be taking just guttural care of yourself so that you are able to have impact in the world. And a lot of people will say, well, not me, that's not what I'm here to do. Yes, yes, it is. You came here for a reason and you have choices on this path and this choice to embrace happiness and make intentional choices around what's going to bring happiness out in you, joy out of you, so that you can have a greater impact on the world, whether that's your household, your family, your classroom, your organization, the broader society at large, whatever that space is that you're occupying. You have a choice every day and you know I actually just did a workshop on this, so I want to share this little bit. Energy, right, everything, we know everything is made of energy you, me, our books, our phones, everything particles, small particles, energy. Everything is this energetic exchange, and you know when you get on a call, or you walk into a room and the energy changes because you're in a state of higher vibration, or you bring it down. You're dimming the light because you're not in a good place and you're literally bringing the entire frequency of the room down. You have a nice waist Talk to everybody, frequency of the room down. You have a nice waste of everybody. There's an electromagnetic field that extends three feet throughout from where you are in any direction minimum. Yeah, you have that power. In fact, your energy speaks before you do, before you even open your mouth. Yeah, and that's like. It's such a powerful thing that people often aren't aware of. They think we're hiding what happened. No one can tell. No, no, we all know, it's out of your being, we sense it and you know, I once thought, like no one can know, like I'm a high pirate executive and I'm just in the world. You know, is was hot to trot in my 30s. I was actually freaking out and falling apart and deeply insecure, but I didn't want anyone to know that. I didn't want to get found out. So it came across as this frenetic energy and probably an assertive confidence to hide the fact that I was really unhappy and very insecure and it came across as just super stressed. Yeah, it was really busy, it was super stressed. Yes, miserable, and others share this really quickly.

Speaker 1:

It took my grandmother who was deceased I was giving her eulogy, it took showing up for that to actually pull me back into an understanding that my energy was walking into the room before I did, because here was my grandmother who was the complete opposite life of mine. You know, she loved really our hometown. I mean she had a very modest life, never really had any financial success, never had a career. She had eight children. A lot of tragedy in her life, but the most loving, giving, caring, warm. I mean I think of my grandmother and I immediately think of safety. I immediately think of safety, sanctuary, home. And then contradict that with this young 30-something in a beautiful suit, with all this frenetic energy, yeah, praying to pretend that everything was okay.

Speaker 1:

And I'm watching the church at my grandmother's funeral as I'm up on the pulpit, just fill with all these people she had impacted, all these people whose lives she had touched. She'd never left my hometown. I'd been jet-setting to China and Australia and Chile and Argentina and I'm like I'm wondering if five people are going to come to my funeral, because I'm probably missing everybody else for the way I'm behaving and showing up and this weird energy I'm carrying around in me and I remember I was. It just hit me so hard in that moment and I could hear my grandmother going, put the notes down and talk from your heart oh, wow, it's be you, it's enough, it's enough. Wow, Michelle, it's be you, it's enough, it's enough. And it just changed everything how I showed up being more present.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, down, becoming a better listener. Before I thought I was trying to prove myself right. Wow, see me, see me do these great things all over the place and like, yay me, and maybe you'll all love me now, kind of thing. And here was my grandmother from beyond the grave going daddy, love you. You have to do more. Whatever you decide to do, just be you, just be present. You know that's all we need. It shifted my life. It literally cracked the foundation, the faulty foundation that I'd built. Yeah, all based on titles and achievements and awards and accolades and money, which I didn't have any growing up, so I had to get some and then that would fix everything. And, yeah, exacerbated bro, yeah, exacerbated bro, yeah, absolutely. But it all came back down to that premise you are enough. You can choose happiness, you can choose how you show up and when you choose how you show up, you have such an opportunity to have an impact on others. Yeah, that's why we're here.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I love that. It's so funny. You and I have always had so like parallel lines, Like we have so much in common. And I write in my book this one section about rethink success. And I really talk about success does not define us. We define success and I share in it a story of when I decided to follow my passion versus staying in the safety of the corporate world. And I write about reading at my grandma Dorothy's Memorial Service a beautiful little poem by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Speaker 3:

It's called what is Success. It's all about how you know, leaving the world a little bit better of a place than you found it. That is to have succeeded. And it was about, you know, maybe it's tending to a garden, maybe it's tending to a child, whatever it is. But it was so interesting that you said that I was really touched because I felt the same way about my grandma. She didn't have it easy at all and in fact she had it quite hard sometimes and also yet she was the very first to laugh and sing and have a good time and celebrate life. And I had that moment, kind of you know, where I really realized like I am not a success. It's like a Sunday, driving away from the parking lot after like another weekend of work, and you know again like success does not define us, we individually define success.

Speaker 1:

I love that. I love it, and how blessed are we that we have the experience of having strong grandmothers that will show the way that, despite hardships, despite tragedies, despite not having, maybe, conventional success, they lived well.

Speaker 3:

They chose joy even when there was a lot of darkness around them, a lot of hardship, a lot of tough times.

Speaker 1:

And I don't think that we're as hardwired in our generation to do that. It's definitely a muscle we need to work on more and more. It's why your book is so important, more and more. It's why your book is so important. Let's go through. I would love for you if you could talk to us just a few minutes about, maybe, some of the ways intentionality, choosing joy, slowing down. What are the top ways that we can live an easier life? What are your favorite even better go-tos?

Speaker 3:

I love this. I love this so much. So, obviously we've covered ways that we can choose joy in our daily life. We've talked about also, you know, a lot of self-love and kindness, but in the day-to-day let's just be real. Life is a lot. Your phone pings, the doorbell rings like everything's like it's Fender Bender in the E-Born, expected, yes, yes, Hello, Exactly Like life happens, right.

Speaker 3:

And one of the best things that we can do a few things is I'm very much a believer that we are here for purpose. Like I had a dream, like to write this book, right, this was important to me and I also knew, with every hiccup or anything that it would come into the world in its own perfect time. So three things that we can do. The first one is we can stop trying to control everything that we can't control, because all it does is drive us crazy. Right, it's like bend with the wind. Like the palm tree is one of the strongest in the world because it knows how to bend with the wind. You know even the beautiful, ginormous, incredible oak trees. They don't bend, they snap the palm. It goes with the wind and so it adapts, the more that we can adapt and not fight these things that are out of our control, the better it is for our nervous systems, for our minds, for our sanity, for manifesting. The more that we can go with the flow, the better off we are.

Speaker 3:

The second thing I want to say that I think is so important to create a little bit more ease in everybody's life is to honor our life seasons. You know, Michelle, you are so accomplished and there's so much that you've done, you are doing and you will continue to do Each and every one of us right. But we cannot do it all at the same time while still enjoying the journey and also taking good care of ourselves. We just can't, and sometimes the kindest thing we can do for ourselves is say you know, this is the journey of writing, this is the season of writing my book. This is the season of raising my child. This is the season of establishing myself in a new community after moving and making new friends, Like whatever it is. Maybe this is the season to get a new job or to really step it up a notch at your current job. Maybe this is the season to get a new job or to really step it up a notch at your current job. Maybe this is the season to start your own company, whatever it is, honor that season that you're in, without trying to do it all at once, because there will always be next season, you know.

Speaker 3:

And the third thing that I love is just the very simple day to day. It's like I'm an easy button person, right? You remember that staple? That was easy. I'm the easy person and I think that life is hard and there's a lot going on all the time and you can't always press the easy button.

Speaker 3:

But the choices that we make it's like if I am really tight on time right now and I'm stressed, do I have to bake a dozen cupcakes for book club or can I just go down to the bakery and buy them?

Speaker 3:

You know like there are these little choices I am all about like press the easy button, take the shortcut, take off your overachiever hat, kick back, relax, because I also believe that the happier we are, the easier it is to get things done. And I know that might sound really strange to people, but I think it's just what you're talking about energy and frequency. It's like the more calm we have in our lives and our day to day, the choices that we make to kind of just make our lives, to uncomplicate our lives as much as possible, We'll just have a better energy frequency to manifest if we want to go down that rabbit hole. But those are my three things, my top things, yeah, and I think each and every one of us can do that and you know we all can do it. But it all starts with intention and awareness.

Speaker 1:

All right, before we close, I'm going to give you the floor with one piece of advice that you would give to our listeners to be happier right now.

Speaker 3:

Oh gosh, give to our listeners to be happier right now. Oh gosh, I feel like we've covered so much already, but I would just say love yourself, believe in yourself, take it easy on yourself. One thing that I love to tell people, or you know to consider doing, is each day, prioritize your joy, to boost your joy levels by taking a daily moment of joy. Can be five minutes, it can be 10 minutes, it can be a whole afternoon, but the whole point is to write something on your to do list for that day. That is like my daily moment of joy, because you are prioritizing your happiness.

Speaker 1:

I think this is so important and such a wonderful note to end on, because I know I certainly, growing up, was one of those people who was very high achieving and thought I had to delay joy. I had to earn joy. I had to work super hard and if I worked super hard and crossed everything off my list and I did really, really well, then I can have a moment of joy. I had to work super hard and if I worked super hard and crossed everything off my list and I did really really well, then I can have a moment of joy. And after a period of time it catches up with you and then you find that you can't be joyful and you're really either going to have a breakdown or a breakthrough. Right, and I'm pretty grateful that I had the breakdown that led to the breakthrough, and now joy is the priority. Joy is the point, and I took a lot of unlearning, a lot of ways of being that I was not accustomed to, that I actually do produce my best work when I'm operating from a joyful state, when I am completely depleted and exhausted, and yet that is very much a cultural Western society outlook. It is. Why are you going to go? Do that now Like, what have you done lately? Like, and we have to stop that. We have to stop that shaming and judging, because I'll tell you I've done more in the two years that I left my corporate environment than all of those years. I will say, look, I did great work. I'm proud of the work I did, but personally satisfied that I was showing up as my authentic self, living my purpose and having an impact. I've done more in two years than I did in those 20 plus years Not proud to say.

Speaker 1:

I find it almost like a cautionary tale. I love telling younger people. I hope, I hope that you'll listen to these stories. You don't have to go down the same route. There is a different way and we're redefining success and I think this is a beautiful time, despite all of the chaos. It's a beautiful time to be growing up and being alive, because the conversation around what success is and what constitutes an extraordinary life is mainstream now. In a way it was never discussed when we were growing up, and opportunity to have an even greater impact at a younger age. Because you understand the point of this life. It's a magnitude better.

Speaker 3:

So interesting to Michelle. But no, but it's so interesting because, you know, in the corporate you and I both had the corporate and then we both branched out on our own and I will say even like, if you want to talk about hours, you know, I mean, we both put in.

Speaker 1:

I mean so many hours in the car. Why does Will have become a lawyer? Because I had billable hours in the corporate world.

Speaker 3:

But when I started my first company or when I wrote my book I mean, I can't tell you how many Saturdays and Sundays I wrote this book or when I started my company, yes, but when you have passion for it, like when the work itself brings you joy, that is like the best thing in the whole entire world. I remember Howard Shulman said the author. He said don't ask what the world needs, Ask what makes you come alive, Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive.

Speaker 1:

And I think that's so profound.

Speaker 3:

And when you do work, you know whether it's your book or you're. You know building your business, working with your clients. I love my clients. When you help people, whenever it is that you are doing, if it lights your soul on fire, if it brings you know, if it makes you lose track of time in the very best way, that is wonderful, Like that is the ultimate, I think, joy that you can achieve. So it's not just about, like you know, sitting on the couch and nibbling chocolate. Well, that's fantastic.

Speaker 1:

But it's also about doing these things that give oxygen to your soul into this world is spirit. We're walking in this human journey but still our essence is spirit and we will return at the end of the journey. Like matter is neither created nor destroyed people, we're just changing states. But our true essence is spiritual. And when you recognize that, feeding the soul, feeding our need for self-expression and for living in that place of joy, and that what you were describing earlier, when you lose that track of time because you're enjoying it so much as flows and we can't operate from flows, you know, I want to say it's like that divinity within you coming alive. Anything is possible, you're really operating in that field of all possibility and you are creating life. That's giving me the chills talking about it, because that, right, there is what the world needs more of, more of us coming alive. Oh, thank you so much for your time on the show.

Speaker 3:

Thank you for having me, Michelle.

Speaker 1:

You're the best you know how much I love you. Thank you for sharing your gifts and talking about the book, so help everybody understand where they can find you and where they can get a copy of the book.

Speaker 3:

Yes, yes, come say hello to me on Instagram at emilyflorenceoffer and you can sign up for my newsletter at emilyflorencecom. And you can sign up for my newsletter at emilyflorencecom and you can get a copy of Even Better, easier Ways to a Happier Life on Amazon, barnes, noble pretty much all the book places. I would love to get to know. I love you, I love your audience. Michelle, you have like the best community, so I look forward to getting to know all of the people in your community and your listeners as well.

Speaker 1:

Oh, thank you, Emily. We love you too. All right, everyone. Until next time, go and live your extraordinary life.

Speaker 2:

Thank you for listening to today's episode. If you enjoyed this podcast episode, please take a moment to rate and review. If you have recommendations for future topics, please reach out to me at michelleriosofficialcom. Lastly, please consider supporting this podcast by sharing it. Together, we can reach, inspire and positively impact more people. Thank you.

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Michelle Rios

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