Real Equity with Ryan and Darren
Real Equity with Ryan and Darren
Episode 23 - Seasons of Change
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In this episode of "Real Equity with Ryan and Darren," the hosts discuss the concept of seasons of change and how they affect various aspects of life, particularly in the professional realm. They emphasize that change is inevitable and often out of our control, highlighting the importance of adaptability and resilience. The hosts share personal anecdotes, including experiences to illustrate how embracing change can lead to success and a better quality of life. They delve into the emotional aspects of change and the fear of making mistakes, encouraging listeners to reframe change as an opportunity for growth.
00:00:00 Ryan Lara
Hello and welcome to another episode of Real Equity with Ryan and Darren.
00:00:03 Ryan Lara
We're excited to talk to you today about seasons of change.
00:00:09 Ryan Lara
Everyone goes through seasons of change in their professional life, work life, their friends, family, so many things you have seasons of change, right time.
00:00:18 Ryan Lara
Yes, yeah, and daren't currently dealing with that, but we're not going to jump into that at the moment, so.
00:00:28 Ryan Lara
So I think we can we can immediately talk about just work in professional life in regards to seasons of.
00:00:34 Ryan Lara
Change there's things that a lot of times you know, change happens and it's things you typically don't have control over.
00:00:43 Ryan Lara
There's things that occurrent market occurrences.
00:00:45 Ryan Lara
It could be your setting of your workplace could change.
00:00:48 Ryan Lara
There could be tons of things that could change in a professional setting.
00:00:51 Ryan Lara
So let's dive into that.
00:00:53 Ryan Lara
What does that look like and how do we navigate?
00:00:55 Ryan Lara
And those seasons arrive, and we have we're we're met with it and we have to, we have to deal with.
00:00:59 Ryan Lara
It there's no going going around it.
00:01:01 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, and and that's one of the hardest things to do.
00:01:03 Darren Goldstein
I mean, I think I read so.
00:01:04 Darren Goldstein
Where that they say people who adapt to change and and are resilient kind of through that they tend to be more successful in life.
00:01:15 Darren Goldstein
Any thoughts on that?
00:01:17 Ryan Lara
I think the ones who adapt are the ones who don't perish for sure.
00:01:21 Ryan Lara
I I always give the example and I immediately think of when a pre real estate, when I was working in special education.
00:01:28 Ryan Lara
And and the school district I was working at and received this grant that every student would get a Chromebook and it was like this big huge deal.
00:01:35 Ryan Lara
This is when when tech wasn't as a bound and you know in education, right?
00:01:41 Ryan Lara
So I remember the faculty meeting that we had when they had made the announcement that hey, every kid is going to have a Chromebook.
00:01:48 Ryan Lara
And they're going to be able to take it home like it's going to be this whole thing.
00:01:52 Ryan Lara
And you could draw a line down the faculty room, like in half of the teachers that were excited, they were stoked.
00:01:59 Ryan Lara
They're like, what a, you know, great.
00:02:00 Ryan Lara
You know, thing.
00:02:01 Ryan Lara
We're gonna have this new technology piece that we can, you know, integrate our lesson plans into, like, their brains are turning in all these ideas.
00:02:07 Ryan Lara
And then you have the other half of the room.
00:02:09 Ryan Lara
That's still ****** about the typewriters going away.
00:02:12 Ryan Lara
We haven't gone over yet, and I find that the ones who seem to just have a better quality of life, more engaged in their work, more, they're they're they're they've done the deep dive into work and they're excited with what they're what their.
00:02:26 Ryan Lara
Doing are the ones who adapt the ones who are happy to embrace change.
00:02:31 Ryan Lara
It's not always fun.
00:02:33 Ryan Lara
I mean, it's not.
00:02:34 Ryan Lara
Like I I hear.
00:02:35 Ryan Lara
I hear something about Chromebooks.
00:02:36 Ryan Lara
I'm like, that's fun, that sounds great and exciting, but not everyone might.
00:02:41 Ryan Lara
Feel that way.
00:02:42 Darren Goldstein
I think you bring up a.
00:02:43 Darren Goldstein
Great point and response to that question I had.
00:02:46 Darren Goldstein
I think before we get into seasons of change, if we back up and let's first let's back up to why like, why is it so hard when things change, right?
00:02:58 Darren Goldstein
So people being comfortable.
00:03:01 Darren Goldstein
Takes a long time for someone to learn a craft or a Internet system or a, you know, whatever it is that they're operating on.
00:03:08 Darren Goldstein
And so once they get that confidence level in what they're doing, it gives them the ability to flex in their job specifically and then they don't need to think about it as much and then?
00:03:21 Darren Goldstein
Nothing's foreign and they and they're able to just operate at their highest performing level. And so when anything changes in there, it's.
00:03:31 Darren Goldstein
There's like that fear of well, am I going to make a mistake right?
00:03:37 Darren Goldstein
Because I don't understand how to fully use the system that I'm that I'm operating on, or whatever it might.
00:03:42 Darren Goldstein
Be so I guess I guess.
00:03:44 Darren Goldstein
Before I start shooting off like what?
00:03:46 Darren Goldstein
What is it about?
00:03:49 Darren Goldstein
Things being controlled that makes people feel.
00:03:54 Darren Goldstein
Let's talk about that.
00:03:56 Ryan Lara
You have you have a direct influence on the outcome like, that goes without saying like you.
00:04:00 Ryan Lara
Have to you if you.
00:04:03 Ryan Lara
Were behind on an assignment, right?
00:04:05 Ryan Lara
Let's let's like, let's turn the clock back.
00:04:07 Ryan Lara
Let's pretend you're in college.
00:04:08 Ryan Lara
You have an.
00:04:08 Ryan Lara
Essay have to write.
00:04:09 Ryan Lara
If you if you're behind an assignment, you pull the all nighter and it's on you.
00:04:14 Ryan Lara
It's on you.
00:04:15 Ryan Lara
Then you can.
00:04:16 Ryan Lara
And and if you need to stay up all night and finish that essay, you can do it.
00:04:19 Ryan Lara
You it's within your power.
00:04:20 Ryan Lara
You you've dug your own hole and you can dig yourself out of.
00:04:24 Ryan Lara
But if it's a group project, if it's something, maybe you don't have as much control over and you procrastinate and don't do your part, there's immediate ramifications to the people around you.
00:04:33 Ryan Lara
And and it could be completely you know it it can sync you in a way.
00:04:38 Ryan Lara
So I what I tend to find is with with your with perspective with hey.
00:04:44 Ryan Lara
Might like something like something like that essay like, hey, I'm going to procrastinate on it or I'm going to, you know, can I dig myself out of it?
00:04:49 Ryan Lara
You have control of the outcome.
00:04:51 Ryan Lara
You can do it.
00:04:52 Ryan Lara
You can do something about it, but if you get dealt some change that you don't have much control.
00:04:56 Ryan Lara
Over it's going to it's not going to be.
00:04:58 Ryan Lara
Fun for a minute.
00:04:59 Darren Goldstein
Well, and let's even add another.
00:05:00 Darren Goldstein
Variable to your scenario.
00:05:02 Darren Goldstein
So let's say you're a college student and you have a paper that's due and you procrastinated.
00:05:07 Darren Goldstein
And let's say you haven't gone to Class A couple of times and you come, it comes to the night before and you get 40 ounces of coffee.
00:05:16 Darren Goldstein
Or whatever it.
00:05:16 Darren Goldstein
Might be and and you start to write it and you realize that.
00:05:20 Darren Goldstein
The the the system and the computer and the whatever it is, the portal that you're supposed to write the paper, it doesn't look familiar because the professor at the last class said.
00:05:31 Darren Goldstein
You know what we actually are using a new assay system like inside to like figure out how to type it.
00:05:38 Darren Goldstein
And so if you.
00:05:38 Darren Goldstein
Wait, you don't even know how to start typing the words the right way on the paper, and that can cause extra stress, right?
00:05:47 Ryan Lara
Of course, totally.
00:05:48 Darren Goldstein
Because when you're.
00:05:49 Darren Goldstein
Familiar with something you can kind of be on.
00:05:52 Ryan Lara
Of course, but it's when you're driving around and then suddenly you kind of snap out of it.
00:05:57 Ryan Lara
Like, oh, I'm home.
00:06:00 Ryan Lara
How did that happen?
00:06:00 Ryan Lara
That's kind of scary.
00:06:02 Ryan Lara
No, I totally get that.
00:06:04 Ryan Lara
With with the example you just gave about the essay and the and the student who procrastinated and and and the scenario you get about that essay portal system, they have not set themselves up for success.
00:06:16 Ryan Lara
They have not.
00:06:17 Ryan Lara
Positioned themselves to be in a position.
00:06:20 Ryan Lara
Because if you went to every class.
00:06:24 Ryan Lara
And you understand the material and you've read the books and you've done all the quizzes or whatever, and then that essay comes and you procrastinate it and you're waiting for the last, you know, the the 11th hour to do it.
00:06:34 Ryan Lara
You're probably still better equipped to do that, I say, than a whole heck of a lot of other people in that class.
00:06:37 Ryan Lara
You're still have set yourself up in a position to execute and and deliver versus the other example you just gave of the student who's you know he he was hung over and didn't go to the 8:00 AM and missed three of them, doesn't know about the portal, thinks he can whip this essay out of there.
00:06:53 Ryan Lara
You know what?
00:06:56 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, I mean and I and.
00:06:57 Darren Goldstein
I think the biggest.
00:06:59 Darren Goldstein
Thing with change is that what is it?
00:07:03 Darren Goldstein
What is the emotional factor that that hurts people when things have to change?
00:07:08 Darren Goldstein
Switching gears just a little bit?
00:07:13 Ryan Lara
What do you mean?
00:07:14 Ryan Lara
The emotional factor specific like what?
00:07:16 Darren Goldstein
So I tend to always believe that emotions.
00:07:20 Darren Goldstein
Are, are, and emotions fears?
00:07:24 Darren Goldstein
That's kind of what slows down growth.
00:07:28 Darren Goldstein
So when we talk about change when change happens.
00:07:34 Darren Goldstein
I think emotionally there are.
00:07:36 Darren Goldstein
There are things that happen inside of the person where they have negative self talk or they their when they get unfamiliar with an operating system, a computer system or whatever it.
00:07:49 Darren Goldstein
Might even a new teacher.
00:07:51 Darren Goldstein
It could be anything, right?
00:07:52 Darren Goldstein
We're talking specifically business.
00:07:53 Darren Goldstein
Right now, but.
00:07:56 Darren Goldstein
What emotionally happens to a person when change has to happen?
00:08:00 Darren Goldstein
There's no avoiding it like it.
00:08:01 Darren Goldstein
There's no choice, right?
00:08:03 Darren Goldstein
Like it just this is going to change like.
00:08:05 Darren Goldstein
It to stick on the education the professor is changing the system that you need to submit all your your paperwork, your homework on, and you're writing your essays or whatnot, right.
00:08:16 Darren Goldstein
You have no choice. It's going to change what goes through somebody's head at that point.
00:08:21 Ryan Lara
You so so.
00:08:22 Ryan Lara
First off, I think it's is just human nature.
00:08:24 Ryan Lara
You're gonna have some limiting beliefs.
00:08:25 Ryan Lara
There's going to be something that just immediately pops in your head.
00:08:28 Ryan Lara
And those I like to call them the like seconds of weakness that everyone has.
00:08:33 Ryan Lara
Like, do you choose to succumb to that, that change that's been delivered to you or do you accept it and say all right, we got to deal with it and we?
00:08:41 Ryan Lara
Got to move on.
00:08:41 Ryan Lara
There's no choice.
00:08:42 Ryan Lara
We have to we have to slide through I think a lot of times we're in such a we're in such a world where we want to just be comfortable, be in our happy place and not have to deal with stuff and avoid change.
00:08:53 Ryan Lara
Change and there's how many things in our heads.
00:08:56 Ryan Lara
Have we just avoided or not not confronted because there's fear and attached to it?
00:09:01 Ryan Lara
You hit the nail on the head.
00:09:02 Ryan Lara
Then you talked about emotions and and that being tied.
00:09:04 Ryan Lara
To everything the.
00:09:06 Ryan Lara
The the student with the essay that that you know they're going to kill it.
00:09:10 Ryan Lara
There's confidence, they're excited.
00:09:12 Ryan Lara
They know they got it down like.
00:09:14 Ryan Lara
There's there's some momentum with that.
00:09:17 Ryan Lara
It's no different like real estate or business.
00:09:18 Ryan Lara
You have confidence and there's emotions in place the, you know, some agents call it a gamblers rush when you're you're hitting the transactions really hard.
00:09:26 Ryan Lara
And then the agent and then putting it to the other example, the person who didn't do the essay or didn't or didn't, you know, go to class or isn't prepared.
00:09:34 Ryan Lara
There's some negative self talk.
00:09:35 Ryan Lara
And you know what they're probably thinking?
00:09:38 Ryan Lara
Like, what am I going to do?
00:09:40 Ryan Lara
How am I going to figure?
00:09:40 Ryan Lara
This out the circumstances around their life have not set them up for success, and they've kind of shot themselves in the foot.
00:09:47 Ryan Lara
So how does that example apply to everyone's life?
00:09:49 Ryan Lara
Are you are you setting yourself up for success?
00:09:52 Ryan Lara
And when those stormy waters hit is your boat in a good in good shape, or are there is there a bunch of oh, I didn't fix that hole?
00:09:59 Ryan Lara
Or is this issue I'm going to be taking on some water.
00:10:01 Ryan Lara
When the storm arrives because there's seasons we like, that's the whole point of this podcast.
00:10:06 Ryan Lara
There's seasons where things are going to be easier.
00:10:09 Ryan Lara
They're not going to be so difficult, and that's what the that's the time to patch up your vote.
00:10:12 Ryan Lara
That's the time to get yourself healthy, your finances, your emotions, your mental, your your physical, whatever you're doing.
00:10:18 Ryan Lara
Because when the stormy waters hit, that's when you get tested.
00:10:22 Darren Goldstein
And I think there's also this, this interesting idea of always be prepared to be unprepared or what?
00:10:30 Darren Goldstein
What am I trying to say?
00:10:31 Ryan Lara
I I think there's there's a healthy level of of uncomfortableness everyone should have at all.
00:10:37 Darren Goldstein
Times and being so again, I'm going to try to say this because.
00:10:40 Darren Goldstein
I don't even know exactly what I'm saying.
00:10:42 Darren Goldstein
Like you get the idea.
00:10:44 Darren Goldstein
So always being prepared.
00:10:45 Ryan Lara
I'm trying to pull it out of you.
00:10:50 Darren Goldstein
It's not always be prepared to be unprepared.
00:10:53 Ryan Lara
You know, like we currently are.
00:10:54 Speaker 2
Hope you will.
00:10:55 Darren Goldstein
It is in the morning and.
00:10:56 Darren Goldstein
I'm only a quarter way through my coffee so.
00:10:59 Ryan Lara
Put your way through a quad so you only have one shot.
00:11:01 Darren Goldstein
That is correct.
00:11:02 Darren Goldstein
That is correct but.
00:11:02 Darren Goldstein
The the the idea I think really resilient people, would you agree with this statement?
00:11:07 Darren Goldstein
Resilient people are always prepared.
00:11:11 Darren Goldstein
That things are going to change.
00:11:13 Darren Goldstein
So they're prepared for that change.
00:11:14 Darren Goldstein
They're not so stuck on the the familiar that they that when the change happens, it completely knocks them down.
00:11:23 Ryan Lara
I'd like to give the example of when when like look, look at the economy and and the question marks people have and and consumer confidence where it is.
00:11:33 Ryan Lara
If things change, if things shift and we and things aren't in a great place, are you prepared to handle those stormy waters when things were great?
00:11:41 Ryan Lara
Did you batten down the Hatch?
00:11:43 Ryan Lara
Did you have everything fixed up and ready to go, or are you still kind of figuring things out?
00:11:47 Ryan Lara
On the fly.
00:11:49 Darren Goldstein
And the other thing too is it's like.
00:11:52 Darren Goldstein
I really love this.
00:11:53 Darren Goldstein
Andy I'm reading relentless Tim Grover and he talks about yeah.
00:11:58 Darren Goldstein
I get better.
00:11:58 Darren Goldstein
People remembering these things, but Tim Grover, I I just the more I read this guy and I follow his stuff, I I really highly suggest people go out and check him out, but he talks about.
00:12:11 Darren Goldstein
Closers and cleaners and these cleaners are the most highest operating.
00:12:16 Darren Goldstein
They're the Michael.
00:12:17 Darren Goldstein
Jordans of the world.
00:12:18 Darren Goldstein
They're the just the kobes.
00:12:21 Darren Goldstein
All the people out there that just know.
00:12:23 Darren Goldstein
And he says a cleaner like use it in a military technical sense, he said.
00:12:30 Darren Goldstein
So they drop off a team into a building.
00:12:33 Darren Goldstein
They're supposed to enter through the Gray door.
00:12:35 Darren Goldstein
Make sure the buildings clear and go out the red door.
00:12:39 Darren Goldstein
That's their mission.
00:12:40 Darren Goldstein
That's what they're supposed to do.
00:12:41 Darren Goldstein
And he said cleaners are these people that are always adapting to change because when they so let's say they, they do the mission, they go through the building, they make sure it's clear, they get to the red door and.
00:12:52 Darren Goldstein
The red door.
00:12:53 Darren Goldstein
Is locked, so when that red door is locked.
00:12:57 Darren Goldstein
And they don't sit there and start thinking fear like ohh my gosh, what do I do?
00:13:04 Darren Goldstein
They they've already got five or six different solutions, solutions and adjustments that they can make to navigate out of the.
00:13:13 Darren Goldstein
They know that there's a stairwell on the third floor that leads out to the side of the building.
00:13:17 Darren Goldstein
If they have.
00:13:18 Darren Goldstein
To and they can jump off.
00:13:20 Darren Goldstein
It it's it's having like that idea of.
00:13:24 Darren Goldstein
You know it'll always work out like.
00:13:26 Darren Goldstein
A cleaner, as he says.
00:13:28 Darren Goldstein
And forgive me if it's, I think a closer.
00:13:30 Darren Goldstein
A cleaner is actually higher than a closer.
00:13:33 Darren Goldstein
In what their capabilities are?
00:13:34 Ryan Lara
That's what I.
00:13:34 Ryan Lara
Got in some of your time.
00:13:36 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, I think that's how he's saying it.
00:13:37 Darren Goldstein
In the book.
00:13:39 Darren Goldstein
But but it's that's the idea.
00:13:41 Darren Goldstein
So so if you can train your brain to be that way.
00:13:46 Darren Goldstein
But it's also this deeper, like this deeper feeling that you just know everything is going to be OK?
00:13:52 Darren Goldstein
You know, I think that's the biggest fear.
00:13:54 Darren Goldstein
For people, when things change is they don't want to mess it up.
00:13:57 Darren Goldstein
I think it comes from emotionally a good place.
00:14:00 Darren Goldstein
I think people are are good at heart.
00:14:03 Darren Goldstein
Most people and they want to.
00:14:05 Darren Goldstein
They want to adapt to the change and they want.
00:14:08 Darren Goldstein
It to work.
00:14:09 Darren Goldstein
But the problem is is that they have less confidence when that change happens, because I think they don't want to mess it up.
00:14:17 Darren Goldstein
They don't want to make a mistake, you know, and then they freeze.
00:14:20 Darren Goldstein
And they're scared to make a mistake.
00:14:24 Darren Goldstein
The the cleaners, as I was just referring to, they don't care if they make a mistake because they go, you know what?
00:14:31 Darren Goldstein
It's not going to kill me, or if it does.
00:14:34 Darren Goldstein
At least I didn't get killed standing there.
00:14:37 Darren Goldstein
My tail in my hands, you know.
00:14:40 Darren Goldstein
Thoughts on that?
00:14:42 Ryan Lara
I I completely agree with the the cleaner piece you you talked about and I immediately think of of how people I really felt like a real estate transaction with your example.
00:14:51 Ryan Lara
And when something goes wrong because things go wrong, folks like surprise.
00:14:56 Ryan Lara
And when something goes wrong, you, as the real estate professional or the loan officer who whoever are you in a position where you've dealt with this before and you can tell your client?
00:15:06 Ryan Lara
Oh Yep, I know we've low appraisal.
00:15:09 Ryan Lara
This is what we need.
00:15:10 Ryan Lara
To do these.
00:15:11 Ryan Lara
Are options ABC boom and you present those?
00:15:14 Ryan Lara
And you can just tell your client or or.
00:15:16 Ryan Lara
And being able to say ohh this happened, I've dealt with this before.
00:15:19 Ryan Lara
This is what we can do like just like obviously it's not gonna relieve all the tension on his shoulders, but it's at least know that the person helping them navigate through this scenario is well equipped.
00:15:30 Darren Goldstein
Well and and to add on to that.
00:15:32 Darren Goldstein
Let's say it's something.
00:15:34 Darren Goldstein
That has never happened to that to that realtor or that lender before.
00:15:38 Darren Goldstein
Like, that's a change that's.
00:15:40 Darren Goldstein
A true change in a transaction.
00:15:43 Darren Goldstein
So how would you say they navigate that?
00:15:45 Ryan Lara
How and and this goes back to the boat example, how well they built up their boat.
00:15:50 Ryan Lara
How well is there?
00:15:51 Ryan Lara
And in this case it's their support system.
00:15:53 Ryan Lara
Do they have the mentors?
00:15:54 Ryan Lara
Do they have the the people around them that can support them through this storm, stormy season and and guess what?
00:16:00 Ryan Lara
80 to 90% that supports just like hey, what do I do? What do I need help like how do I navigate?
00:16:06 Ryan Lara
This being able to lean on a strong network of people that are around you in a support system, I mean that's as strong as the the the hull of the.
00:16:15 Ryan Lara
Boat to me.
00:16:16 Darren Goldstein
And and the other.
00:16:18 Darren Goldstein
Idea of seasons of change is seasons of opportunity.
00:16:23 Darren Goldstein
So anytime there's change, there's opportunity to grow.
00:16:28 Darren Goldstein
And I think a lot of people get stuck on the change is being an obstacle as being like, OK, this change is happening.
00:16:36 Darren Goldstein
Oh my gosh.
00:16:36 Darren Goldstein
It's going to set me back two weeks, 3 weeks, it's.
00:16:39 Darren Goldstein
I'm going to I'm not going to know what I'm.
00:16:40 Darren Goldstein
Doing it's going.
00:16:41 Darren Goldstein
To be a nightmare, I mean they.
00:16:42 Darren Goldstein
They they look for all the things that are going to stop them from.
00:16:46 Darren Goldstein
Being able to make it happen.
00:16:47 Darren Goldstein
But if you could.
00:16:50 Darren Goldstein
Reshift reframe and go.
00:16:54 Darren Goldstein
You know what this is an opportunity for me to grow.
00:16:58 Darren Goldstein
This is an opportunity for me to learn.
00:17:00 Darren Goldstein
Some new things, maybe even fix some of the systems and the things that I've been doing before.
00:17:05 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, in a better way.
00:17:09 Ryan Lara
And and let me play devil's advocate.
00:17:13 Ryan Lara
What would you?
00:17:14 Ryan Lara
Say about immediately was thing about like a baseball player.
00:17:17 Ryan Lara
And you, you see these stories where, you know your example, Darren, is the baseball player that, you know, becomes a free agent, gets to leave the team. They started with joins A-Team like.
00:17:28 Ryan Lara
I'm just going to say the Dodgers.
00:17:29 Ryan Lara
That has a great developmental system and fix his pitchers, even veteran pitchers.
00:17:33 Ryan Lara
I oh, we figured out this one thing you've been doing wrong for seven years in that example.
00:17:37 Ryan Lara
That's your example, Darren.
00:17:39 Ryan Lara
The season of change transformed them.
00:17:41 Ryan Lara
They sought opportunity into.
00:17:44 Ryan Lara
Now let me give.
00:17:44 Ryan Lara
The the here's the Devil's advocate piece.
00:17:46 Ryan Lara
What about people who leave the team leave their team?
00:17:49 Ryan Lara
Let like left the Dodgers and suddenly they just drop off. Their batting average drops off their home runs, drop off. RBI's drop off this season of change did not work out for them. They are now in a much worse place than they used to be. They sought to change.
00:18:04 Ryan Lara
When it failed them.
00:18:08 Darren Goldstein
So I would back it up.
00:18:09 Darren Goldstein
Even I I would.
00:18:10 Darren Goldstein
Back it up into.
00:18:13 Darren Goldstein
Why you have to examine so you left for a reason.
00:18:16 Darren Goldstein
You left that team for a reason and you went to this other team because you felt a certain way.
00:18:22 Darren Goldstein
So, so right.
00:18:23 Darren Goldstein
Off the bat, you're not doing well.
00:18:25 Darren Goldstein
Why are you not doing well?
00:18:27 Ryan Lara
Well, it could be.
00:18:28 Ryan Lara
Oh, I was doing great and I just wanted to go get some money.
00:18:30 Ryan Lara
And now I want, like, all I want, this big contractor there has to be there.
00:18:34 Ryan Lara
There has to be a give and take right.
00:18:35 Ryan Lara
There has to be a reason why you're you.
00:18:36 Ryan Lara
You're choosing to embrace change if you're in the driver seat and and this isn't something that's just been.
00:18:42 Ryan Lara
You know, life circumstances occur to you.
00:18:43 Darren Goldstein
Like your mortgage company mortgage company?
00:18:48 Ryan Lara
Or or your your franchise gets bought out by corporate.
00:18:50 Ryan Lara
Like I understand.
00:18:52 Ryan Lara
I understand that's something you have no control over, but if you're in a position where you are in the drivers seat, you choose to to make a decision to change.
00:19:00 Ryan Lara
Same thing happens to Realtors.
00:19:02 Ryan Lara
You have these Realtors who are, you know, they're in a good brokerage.
00:19:04 Ryan Lara
They they've set themselves up for success.
00:19:06 Ryan Lara
They bounce and their production just dies or drops off you and and we get, you know, me as a branch manager. When I recruit agents or look for people, I get reports on people's productions. I see people drop off, move up.
00:19:18 Ryan Lara
Like and and when someone drops off and they think that a position of change was in their best interest and it turned out not to be.
00:19:26 Ryan Lara
Then what do you do?
00:19:27 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, yeah. And and see.
00:19:31 Darren Goldstein
The so many things stop when things change.
00:19:36 Darren Goldstein
That's just like the natural thing is people want to.
00:19:39 Darren Goldstein
Stop doing what they're doing and get acclimated with whatever the newness is going on.
00:19:45 Darren Goldstein
So back to your your baseball example.
00:19:48 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, they left the Dodgers.
00:19:49 Darren Goldstein
They went to the other.
00:19:50 Darren Goldstein
Team. So whatever for whatever.
00:19:53 Darren Goldstein
Reason their confidence is lower or they're they're not comfortable with their new house or apartment that they're in.
00:19:59 Darren Goldstein
Or whatever it might be, and they feel like they need to slow down.
00:20:02 Darren Goldstein
Like all I need to settle.
00:20:03 Darren Goldstein
Into and I think you use this.
00:20:05 Darren Goldstein
Example in a we've talked before about it where you're like the train doesn't need to stop like the train can still be moving and you can lean out.
00:20:13 Darren Goldstein
There with your tools.
00:20:15 Darren Goldstein
While while it's going.
00:20:17 Darren Goldstein
And I love that example because I think a lot of people feel that whenever change happens, they have to stop.
00:20:21 Speaker 2
Solve everything really.
00:20:22 Darren Goldstein
Like even in relationships.
00:20:23 Darren Goldstein
Like, if there are people out there that get divorced.
00:20:26 Darren Goldstein
If there are people out there that break up with their boyfriend or girlfriend, partner or whatever.
00:20:32 Darren Goldstein
They get depressed, right?
00:20:33 Darren Goldstein
They want to sit on the couch.
00:20:34 Darren Goldstein
Some people, it works the opposite.
00:20:36 Darren Goldstein
They go out and they drink themselves stupid and silly.
00:20:39 Darren Goldstein
But I would imagine that people have gone.
00:20:42 Darren Goldstein
Through divorce that deal with it the best or or.
00:20:45 Darren Goldstein
I'm not saying it's easy in any way, shape or form.
00:20:48 Darren Goldstein
Those people, they continue going to.
00:20:50 Darren Goldstein
Work. They try to be.
00:20:51 Darren Goldstein
The best version of themselves.
00:20:52 Darren Goldstein
Maybe take care of their body.
00:20:55 Darren Goldstein
They don't put it into drinking or drugs or staying busy all the time.
00:21:00 Darren Goldstein
You know what?
00:21:00 Ryan Lara
I I think people are people are more resilient than they give them social credit for and and there's this limit.
00:21:01 Darren Goldstein
It's like they cheat.
00:21:07 Ryan Lara
I believe this I I call it the seconds of weakness.
00:21:10 Ryan Lara
Like I mentioned earlier that you go, oh, I just changed everything.
00:21:13 Ryan Lara
Stop and let me you know I.
00:21:15 Ryan Lara
Need to get ready to get ready.
00:21:16 Ryan Lara
To get ready to get ready now and and then, there's all this change that's occurred, and it's not to say like there's a moment of reset, but there's also a moment of you got to keep going, like the world isn't going to stop.
00:21:27 Darren Goldstein
It hits you.
00:21:28 Darren Goldstein
I mean, here's the thing.
00:21:29 Darren Goldstein
And I can say from a personal experience.
00:21:31 Darren Goldstein
Right.
00:21:32 Darren Goldstein
So just to share, because all you people are my, I love you all out there and I love you, Ryan.
00:21:37 Speaker 2
And if and and.
00:21:38 Ryan Lara
You and if.
00:21:38 Ryan Lara
You listen to minute. I love you too, Darren. And if you and if you've listened to minute 21, then that means like you, really.
00:21:44 Ryan Lara
Care about us, right?
00:21:46 Ryan Lara
So we can.
00:21:47 Ryan Lara
Share a little more deeper secrets now, right?
00:21:48 Darren Goldstein
I'm giving everybody like a big, big.
00:21:50 Darren Goldstein
Big hug giant giant air hug.
00:21:51 Ryan Lara
Yeah. Yeah. Welcome to minute 22, folks. Awesome.
00:21:55 Darren Goldstein
I was saying seasons have changed to to stay on business.
00:22:00 Darren Goldstein
So recently my company was acquired by another mortgage company and you know I want to bore everybody with all.
00:22:07 Darren Goldstein
The details of that.
00:22:08 Darren Goldstein
But there was a big change, right?
00:22:10 Darren Goldstein
So so one of the things is I'm a very I like things to be set.
00:22:17 Darren Goldstein
Just like a lot of people out there when things change.
00:22:20 Darren Goldstein
I'm like, whoa, I I it it's a lot for me, right?
00:22:24 Darren Goldstein
And so we started this new whole new operating system, this whole new loan application system.
00:22:30 Darren Goldstein
And it was a lot, it was stressing me out.
00:22:32 Darren Goldstein
I was struggling pretty hard for a for a little.
00:22:35 Darren Goldstein
While yeah was.
00:22:36 Darren Goldstein
I able to navigate it and and listen and take notes.
00:22:40 Darren Goldstein
Yes, I'm an adult and I.
00:22:41 Darren Goldstein
Can you know?
00:22:43 Darren Goldstein
I know what I got to do.
00:22:44 Darren Goldstein
But it was difficult on.
00:22:45 Darren Goldstein
Me and I my limiting beliefs was going.
00:22:49 Darren Goldstein
Was stopping me.
00:22:52 Darren Goldstein
I stopped the train because I was going like I'm overwhelmed.
00:22:56 Darren Goldstein
I don't know how to deal with this.
00:22:58 Darren Goldstein
This is a lot in my life and I was even saying stupid things like oh, I'm never going to figure this out.
00:23:03 Darren Goldstein
What a stupid comment like.
00:23:06 Darren Goldstein
No, I was gonna say like what it like how many times?
00:23:08 Darren Goldstein
And I don't know if anybody listening out there feels this way but.
00:23:11 Darren Goldstein
Like how many times has something happened to you?
00:23:15 Darren Goldstein
There's a challenge, something changes, and you go, oh, it's never going to work out.
00:23:20 Darren Goldstein
Oh my gosh, you can't see the light at the end of the time and you say those stupid things to yourself.
00:23:24 Darren Goldstein
And if you're out there and you don't.
00:23:26 Darren Goldstein
Say that congratulations.
00:23:28 Darren Goldstein
You're you're, you're.
00:23:29 Darren Goldstein
You're better than me, all right.
00:23:32 Darren Goldstein
I'll get you a trophy, you know, but if you, but if you're like me and and you have moments of that like that.
00:23:39 Darren Goldstein
If you think about it.
00:23:40 Darren Goldstein
It's the stupidest thing, because.
00:23:42 Darren Goldstein
Of course, you're going to figure.
00:23:44 Darren Goldstein
It out as long.
00:23:45 Darren Goldstein
As you don't tuck tail quit.
00:23:46 Darren Goldstein
And give up, yeah.
00:23:48 Darren Goldstein
You're gonna figure it out and you will get used to it again.
00:23:51 Darren Goldstein
And it will turn into and that's kind of the point of my story is.
00:23:54 Darren Goldstein
So this change happened.
00:23:56 Darren Goldstein
I went through a lot and then I went on a run, which I haven't done forever, but I finished that run.
00:24:03 Darren Goldstein
And I just had this self realization of you know what?
00:24:07 Darren Goldstein
I am going to figure this out.
00:24:10 Darren Goldstein
I'm going to face the challenges. I'm going to press buttons. I'm going to nothing's going to put my clients in danger.
00:24:18 Darren Goldstein
Nothing's going to ruin a deal that I have going on. I will figure this out and and my mindset changed and then.
00:24:27 Darren Goldstein
I'm just zooming through everything now.
00:24:30 Darren Goldstein
It's it's better.
00:24:30 Darren Goldstein
My confidence is back, but it took that shift it and it.
00:24:35 Darren Goldstein
I think it's almost like you have to go through the death of change before you can.
00:24:42 Darren Goldstein
Move forward so so, so.
00:24:42 Ryan Lara
What do you mean the depth of change?
00:24:46 Darren Goldstein
People get tied up.
00:24:49 Darren Goldstein
People get really wrapped, tethered into the way things are, right.
00:24:54 Darren Goldstein
So when you're forced to change.
00:24:58 Darren Goldstein
There's like a death.
00:25:00 Darren Goldstein
There's like, a mourning of the old man.
00:25:01 Speaker 2
Oh yeah, totally.
00:25:02
Right.
00:25:03 Darren Goldstein
So when you have the mourning.
00:25:04 Darren Goldstein
Of the old way, you.
00:25:07 Darren Goldstein
That was like me, right?
00:25:08 Darren Goldstein
I was mourning like ohh our old operating system was just so much better than this new one.
00:25:13 Darren Goldstein
And I'll never figure out this thing you.
00:25:15 Ryan Lara
Still, the set of all the typewriters.
00:25:16 Darren Goldstein
Know you know what I'm saying?
00:25:18 Darren Goldstein
Like that's that's kind of like the idea I'm mourning the.
00:25:21 Darren Goldstein
Death. I'm. I'm.
00:25:23 Darren Goldstein
I'm stuck in that and the 2nd that I go, you know what?
00:25:27 Darren Goldstein
That was the old way.
00:25:28 Darren Goldstein
This is the new way I will figure.
00:25:31 Darren Goldstein
I'm ready to move forward.
00:25:33 Darren Goldstein
I'm not going to be thinking like it's just it's got to be figured.
00:25:37 Darren Goldstein
The minute I change that and I stopped.
00:25:39 Darren Goldstein
Like fearing the death and mourning of the change, I was able to grow more.
00:25:44 Ryan Lara
That makes sense.
00:25:45 Ryan Lara
Or or do you feel like you do you think people struggle from because there's that so change occurs, right?
00:25:53 Ryan Lara
There's a flashpoint.
00:25:54 Ryan Lara
You've been delivered the news.
00:25:56 Ryan Lara
You've put yourself.
00:25:56 Ryan Lara
In a position where things need to, you know, shift or whatever, whatever.
00:25:59 Ryan Lara
Is going on.
00:26:00 Ryan Lara
When that flashpoint occurs and you, you have to change whatever.
00:26:05 Ryan Lara
Whether it's your your work circumstances, life, circumstances of relationships, whatever that, whatever that means when that moment occurs.
00:26:15 Ryan Lara
I think the issue is I think it's human nature.
00:26:18 Ryan Lara
There has to be a temporary period of time where you deal with it.
00:26:20 Ryan Lara
You just have to deal with it.
00:26:22 Ryan Lara
You have to embrace the emotions like no one wants the news.
00:26:24 Ryan Lara
Like when I always give a joke about when the franchise was brought up by corporate, the and the and the previous company I worked at the the first.
00:26:33 Ryan Lara
We have the first leadership meeting and everyone.
00:26:35 Ryan Lara
But and all of the leaders are going, nothing's going to change. Nothing's going to change. Nothing's gonna change.
00:26:40 Ryan Lara
Kept they sound like a broken record to every single one of the leadership's concerns, the top top leaders where nothing is.
00:26:46 Ryan Lara
Going to change.
00:26:47 Ryan Lara
And meanwhile, everyone says is like, yeah, right, everything is about to change and.
00:26:52 Ryan Lara
When when these things happen and these flash points occur, I think where people really dig themselves into a grave is they allow a temporary season to become permanent and and when there's a period of time when this happens.
00:27:05 Ryan Lara
You just described the the dealing the challenges and that's fine.
00:27:09 Ryan Lara
Like it it's it's in human nature to deal with it.
00:27:11 Ryan Lara
And by the way.
00:27:12 Ryan Lara
If your emotions are telling you like this sucks, that's OK you're not.
00:27:16 Ryan Lara
Saying that's that's.
00:27:17 Ryan Lara
You you can't say this sucks like.
00:27:19 Darren Goldstein
You have to.
00:27:20 Speaker 2
You have to.
00:27:20 Ryan Lara
Acknowledge what it is correct and and.
00:27:22 Darren Goldstein
You have to acknowledge it.
00:27:23 Darren Goldstein
So you can grow from it.
00:27:24 Ryan Lara
100% Agree, then 100% and then.
00:27:27 Ryan Lara
Or I think people fail is they let that the kicking rocks angry feeling they allowed, that they allowed that to become permanent.
00:27:34 Ryan Lara
It's a comfortable place to live in. It feels good. Oh, yeah. Angry. Yeah. They made me change my portal pitchforks and torches. It's comfortable. It's it's it's human nature like that feeling. But do you have the self-discipline?
00:27:47 Ryan Lara
To get out of that and.
00:27:48 Ryan Lara
All right, train keeps moving.
00:27:50 Ryan Lara
Got to keep going.
00:27:51 Darren Goldstein
And yes, and I think.
00:27:53 Darren Goldstein
The the other part that we haven't hit on which we we.
00:27:56 Darren Goldstein
Might have hit on a little bit.
00:27:58 Darren Goldstein
Is just that confidence.
00:28:00 Darren Goldstein
We've talked to previous guests about this kind of stuff, successful people that have overcome adversity and and grow in their businesses and they all just kind of say it's just going to.
00:28:12 Darren Goldstein
I had this vision.
00:28:14 Darren Goldstein
I just knew it was going to work out like, like in the book I'm reading.
00:28:18 Darren Goldstein
This Tim Grover would say that Kobe would say or Michael would.
00:28:21 Darren Goldstein
I just know it's going to work out.
00:28:22 Darren Goldstein
I'm so in that zone that I know there's no way.
00:28:26 Darren Goldstein
I'm not going to succeed.
00:28:28 Ryan Lara
There's a common idea with a lot of these people, these gurus.
00:28:36 Ryan Lara
But these highly successful people, there's a common theme, a common denominator of they have their road map of what they want to get to.
00:28:43 Ryan Lara
They know what they want to achieve.
00:28:44 Ryan Lara
You know, there's like, you know, I I have my goal in mind.
00:28:47 Ryan Lara
I know what I want to.
00:28:48 Ryan Lara
To and their road map may not be entirely clear. They may have maybe 60% of it figured out, or 40% of it figured out.
00:28:56 Ryan Lara
But that's not going to stop them from starting their journey one step at a time.
00:29:01 Ryan Lara
And and I know how think about how many people out there get paralyzed and don't decide to do anything because.
00:29:08 Ryan Lara
They just see the whole journey and they they they they see the long map and they go oh, forget it.
00:29:14 Ryan Lara
I can't do that.
00:29:14 Ryan Lara
I don't want to deal with that.
00:29:17 Ryan Lara
But it's the people who decide to take that step and go on that journey.
00:29:20 Ryan Lara
And even if they don't have it all figured out, hey, I still know what I want to get to, but I need to start working in that direction.
00:29:25 Ryan Lara
Guess what, folks?
00:29:26 Ryan Lara
The pieces of the bridge are going to kind of just magically start coming together.
00:29:29 Ryan Lara
You build your momentum, you build your confidence and for.
00:29:32 Ryan Lara
Whatever reason, I feel like the universe kind of just rewards.
00:29:37 Darren Goldstein
It's almost yes and it and it's almost like everything's changed. Nothing's changed.
00:29:43 Ryan Lara
Correct, correct, correct.
00:29:45 Ryan Lara
And I even like to.
00:29:46 Ryan Lara
I'll give the example of people out there because I know there's people listening who are who are paralyzed by fear.
00:29:52 Ryan Lara
They're not looking to make that decision or make that change because they need that whole road map in place.
00:29:57 Ryan Lara
I need to see 100% of the map to get there and it's kind of it's. It's almost like telling yourself you're kind of like.
00:30:05 Ryan Lara
You're almost going against your own wiring in Aw.
00:30:07 Ryan Lara
Right.
00:30:07 Ryan Lara
Because imagine pulling up Google Maps or or or whatever you're trying to get to.
00:30:12 Ryan Lara
I'm I'm trying to get and drive, you know, 40 miles, but we're going to take the last three steps away.
00:30:16 Ryan Lara
We're going to figure that out, right?
00:30:18 Ryan Lara
That's sounds scary.
00:30:22 Ryan Lara
Sounds scary, right?
00:30:23 Ryan Lara
But a place you've never been to?
00:30:26
But you're going.
00:30:27 Ryan Lara
To figure it out.
00:30:28 Ryan Lara
That's essentially what you're doing, right? That's essentially what your goal setting is. Is is going to become and so the people out there who are paralyzed by that fear going back to that point, even if you had 100% of the road map written out.
00:30:39 Ryan Lara
And this is my entire plan and my contingencies, and this is my three-year plan to get to this goal, whatever may be, guess what?
00:30:46 Ryan Lara
Something could come in and be a huge Wrecking Ball in the middle of year two.
00:30:50 Ryan Lara
You don't know what could happen.
00:30:52 Ryan Lara
You don't know a life circumstances could occur.
00:30:54 Ryan Lara
How many people have their plans like, oh, I'm going to, oh, we have this game plan for our Sunday football game.
00:30:59 Ryan Lara
We have this game plan for this boxing match UFC fight, and then they get punched.
00:31:02 Ryan Lara
In the face and it's like.
00:31:04 Ryan Lara
Whoa, can't stick to the plan anymore, right?
00:31:07 Ryan Lara
You have to be able to.
00:31:09 Darren Goldstein
I think one of the best things.
00:31:11 Darren Goldstein
That you can do.
00:31:12 Darren Goldstein
Is keep it simple.
00:31:15 Darren Goldstein
Whenever you're in a season of change, keep it simple.
00:31:19 Darren Goldstein
Like if you're I am no therapist.
00:31:22 Darren Goldstein
Last time I checked, but it's like if you if you break up with your girlfriend boyfriend, if you're going through a divorce, I would imagine.
00:31:29 Darren Goldstein
Your brain is going crazy because because you're upset you, you feel ashamed.
00:31:36 Darren Goldstein
All the emotions you're going through.
00:31:38 Darren Goldstein
You should probably try to.
00:31:39 Darren Goldstein
Keep it simple. You should.
00:31:41 Darren Goldstein
Keep your job.
00:31:43 Darren Goldstein
Do good things be there for?
00:31:46 Darren Goldstein
Your kids, if you.
00:31:46 Darren Goldstein
Have them be cordial and don't try to like, become a party animal.
00:31:52 Darren Goldstein
Don't try to, you know.
00:31:53 Darren Goldstein
I mean, don't don't throw yourself so much into work that you're not healthy.
00:31:57 Darren Goldstein
Don't you know?
00:31:58 Darren Goldstein
Just keep it simple.
00:31:59 Darren Goldstein
So in a business for change, I know one thing for me that I'm finally.
00:32:03 Darren Goldstein
Now that I've.
00:32:03 Darren Goldstein
Gone through this change, still going through it, but now in a in a better mindset and adapting to that change.
00:32:11 Darren Goldstein
Is I'm remembering.
00:32:12 Darren Goldstein
Everything's changed, but nothing's changed because I'm keeping it simple. I know I need to be on the phone all day.
00:32:18 Darren Goldstein
I know I need if I'm talking with people and trying to help and help them solve their problems and bring value and and do that, it doesn't matter what.
00:32:29 Darren Goldstein
When I press the power button on a computer, what kind of computer?
00:32:32 Darren Goldstein
Or what kind?
00:32:33 Darren Goldstein
Of system it is.
00:32:34 Darren Goldstein
It's all about me.
00:32:36 Darren Goldstein
My job is to connect with people to help people and to bring value.
00:32:40 Darren Goldstein
And I think anybody else out there listening?
00:32:42 Darren Goldstein
If if you're.
00:32:44 Darren Goldstein
Going through a change and you feel like you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
00:32:49 Darren Goldstein
You just have to keep showing.
00:32:51 Darren Goldstein
Up and remember, everything has changed, but nothing has changed.
00:32:55 Darren Goldstein
And if in a tip and trick for that, just keep it simple.
00:32:59 Darren Goldstein
Get a plain a clean sheet of paper.
00:33:03 Darren Goldstein
And write down three things that you need to focus on.
00:33:08 Darren Goldstein
So if you're in sales and you have a brand new, you're working on a new car dealership and there's a new sales force system or CRM system, whatever.
00:33:15 Darren Goldstein
If you're a realtor and you've changed brokerages and you feel overwhelmed or whatever it is right, sit down and go.
00:33:22 Darren Goldstein
What are the three things I need to do?
00:33:24 Darren Goldstein
To help people help my business and provide for myself.
00:33:29 Darren Goldstein
Or if you're going through a divorce.
00:33:31 Darren Goldstein
You sit there and you go.
00:33:32 Darren Goldstein
You know what?
00:33:33 Darren Goldstein
I'm an absolute mess right now.
00:33:35 Darren Goldstein
What can I do to keep myself focused on the right things like I?
00:33:41 Darren Goldstein
Need to work.
00:33:42 Darren Goldstein
I need to eat.
00:33:44 Darren Goldstein
I need to maybe.
00:33:44 Darren Goldstein
Walk or work out.
00:33:46 Darren Goldstein
And I need to stay in contact with a few friends.
00:33:49 Darren Goldstein
And you write that down and you put that up on your bed, on your ceiling, on your wall, in your bathroom, and you just.
00:33:55 Darren Goldstein
You you go off that you let that because.
00:33:59 Darren Goldstein
Everything's changed, but nothing's changed.
00:34:02 Ryan Lara
What are you doing to snow?
00:34:04 Ryan Lara
Plow through the all the changes and things going on in your life.
00:34:08 Ryan Lara
All the life circumstances that are being dished to you, whether it's it's something at the top of your list or it's like, you know the 39th thing on your list, but it still affects you to some degree, right?
00:34:18 Ryan Lara
What are do you have?
00:34:19 Ryan Lara
Have you developed the mental resiliency to snow plow through all these issues and just and I love what you said about.
00:34:25 Ryan Lara
Keep things simple. How?
00:34:26 Ryan Lara
Many how many of us are just trying to over engineer and figure out?
00:34:29 Ryan Lara
To do like I keep I I love the mentality of 1% better every day. That's really it. Like if if you're focused on becoming 1% better a the number one thing is you're you're not going down like that's the first like that.
00:34:43 Ryan Lara
That goes without saying, but every day you're either 1% better, 1% worse at least, and so are you.
00:34:49 Ryan Lara
Are you on the right track?
00:34:51 Ryan Lara
That so many of us were in the instant gratification era, we want that immediate now, and we need to.
00:34:57 Ryan Lara
We also need to realize that a lot of this change isn't instantaneous, and these seasons can last a while too.
00:35:04 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, I love that.
00:35:05 Darren Goldstein
And also there even in change there is familiar there is familiar.
00:35:12 Darren Goldstein
So so the other thing too is not everything is going to ever change in your life.
00:35:19 Darren Goldstein
Again, if you're going through a divorce, if you're going through a breakup, if your business has changed, if you change.
00:35:26 Darren Goldstein
Not it's not a 360. Everything's changed, you know.
00:35:30 Ryan Lara
You're going to have still some things staying consistent in your life and latch on to those.
00:35:35 Ryan Lara
Embrace the consistency if you're, you know, if you're.
00:35:38 Ryan Lara
If you have a morning, if you have a strong morning routine and you have a, you go to the gym in the morning and you, you know, you get your coffee shop, whatever else.
00:35:45 Ryan Lara
But maybe your job.
00:35:47 Ryan Lara
We'll keep your routine.
00:35:49 Ryan Lara
Don't throw everything out of whack because one thing is is thrown off.
00:35:53 Ryan Lara
But what happens a lot of times one gets thing gets thrown off and we go.
00:35:57 Ryan Lara
Oh, forget it.
00:35:58 Ryan Lara
You throw your hands up in the air and you say, oh, I need a, you know, I need to stop everything and and.
00:36:03 Ryan Lara
Get ready to get ready.
00:36:05 Darren Goldstein
And the other thing too is you.
00:36:07 Darren Goldstein
You need to stop.
00:36:08 Darren Goldstein
Like you need, you need to stop during seasons of change and I I'm saying that I said that two times because I'm trying to listen to my own advice because I know when I was in the middle of trying to learn those systems and do things, I was sitting down at the computer from 7:38 o'clock in the morning until 9:30 at night.
00:36:29 Darren Goldstein
And I will tell you a lot of those hours was me just, I don't even know what the hell I was doing.
00:36:34 Darren Goldstein
I was so enthralled and just grinding and and and.
00:36:39 Darren Goldstein
Your brain doesn't work like that.
00:36:40 Speaker 2
No it doesn't.
00:36:41 Darren Goldstein
I mean, I.
00:36:41 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, I went to the.
00:36:42 Darren Goldstein
Bathroom and grabbed another coffee.
00:36:44 Speaker 2
But but it's like.
00:36:45 Darren Goldstein
But it it it's you need to stop you and when you stop, even though you're going to fight it, you.
00:36:53 Darren Goldstein
Know because you're like oh.
00:36:54 Darren Goldstein
I need to just push harder and you just once I figure this.
00:36:56 Darren Goldstein
Out everything is going to be fine.
00:36:59 Darren Goldstein
That might be true, but it, but you might have that one thing mastered.
00:37:03 Darren Goldstein
But guess what?
00:37:04 Darren Goldstein
The next day it might not even be what you think it's going to be.
00:37:07 Darren Goldstein
It's going to Sideswipe you and take you out, so when you stop and you.
00:37:10 Darren Goldstein
Go for a walk.
00:37:12 Darren Goldstein
You take a deep.
00:37:12 Darren Goldstein
Breath, you and you do those things.
00:37:15 Darren Goldstein
It's going to help.
00:37:16 Darren Goldstein
For me personally, through the change, because it's just so fresh.
00:37:20 Darren Goldstein
I remember I something on Instagram, just some random something somebody shared and it said they said Navy seals don't know if it's true or not, but they say Navy seals are trained to breathe.
00:37:33 Darren Goldstein
Like they take two intakes, so they breathe in and then they breathe in and they do a long.
00:37:39 Darren Goldstein
Tail right and when they train themselves to to breathe that way, it somehow changes the chemicals in their brains and it calms them down in a stressful situation.
00:37:50 Darren Goldstein
So I tried that and it helped because I was really tripping.
00:37:56 Darren Goldstein
I was like sitting there in my office.
00:37:58 Darren Goldstein
Don't tell anybody.
00:38:00 Darren Goldstein
This stays between you and me.
00:38:01 Speaker 2
OK, that's fine. Alright.
00:38:02 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, I just don't let anybody know about this, but I was stressing right.
00:38:05 Darren Goldstein
So I I saw the thing and I sat there and I went.
00:38:10 Darren Goldstein
Breathe in long exhale.
00:38:12 Darren Goldstein
And I did it like 2 times.
00:38:14 Darren Goldstein
And it it did mellow me out.
00:38:16 Darren Goldstein
It did not fix me.
00:38:18 Speaker 2
Well, yeah, but, but, but there's.
00:38:18 Darren Goldstein
And far from that.
00:38:21 Ryan Lara
A perfect example in in a in a little box, right?
00:38:23 Ryan Lara
But you, but you felt better afterwards, right?
00:38:25 Ryan Lara
You turned in the right direction.
00:38:27 Ryan Lara
Instead of just saying like, oh, everything sucks and there's nothing I can do about it.
00:38:30 Ryan Lara
Like, that's why I look when people who, like, fail, like on their diets and they go, you know, they have one cheat meal and it's like.
00:38:37 Ryan Lara
I'm also lagging now and then in time.
00:38:40 Ryan Lara
To go to get a Fiesta.
00:38:41 Speaker 2
Pack. I don't talk.
00:38:43 Darren Goldstein
Yet John Acuff, who wrote the book finish.
00:38:47 Darren Goldstein
Great book for people out there if you ever get a chance to read I saw.
00:38:50 Darren Goldstein
John speak at A at.
00:38:52 Darren Goldstein
A Todd Duncan sales event and it the books about finish.
00:38:56 Darren Goldstein
One of the.
00:38:56 Darren Goldstein
Great things about that book, which you just said was that's his ideas.
00:39:00 Darren Goldstein
Everyone always says he's.
00:39:01 Darren Goldstein
Like great, these grand ideas, they fall off the path one day.
00:39:06 Darren Goldstein
For one time.
00:39:07 Darren Goldstein
And they write it off.
00:39:09 Darren Goldstein
So it's like it's just finish it.
00:39:11 Darren Goldstein
So in seasons of change, it's almost like that idea of.
00:39:15 Darren Goldstein
OK, you cannot eat the whole elephant today, but you might be able to set one tiny goal.
00:39:22 Darren Goldstein
Ohh I'm going to learn how to do this.
00:39:25 Darren Goldstein
And it it might take me an hour, so I'm going to not think about anything else that I'm.
00:39:29 Darren Goldstein
Doing all day long.
00:39:30 Darren Goldstein
I'm not going to answer the phone. I'm not going to do what I'm doing. I'm going to focus for an hour or 1/2 hour.
00:39:35 Darren Goldstein
Here and I'm going to figure this out, you do that for an hour.
00:39:40 Darren Goldstein
You stay committed to that one task.
00:39:42 Darren Goldstein
You learn it. You build that 1% confidence or more that you're talking about, and then you then you return the.
00:39:49 Darren Goldstein
Phone calls because.
00:39:50 Darren Goldstein
The world is not going to fall apart in an hour.
00:39:55 Darren Goldstein
I'm not saying.
00:39:55 Darren Goldstein
4 hours I'm saying one hour, you know, so.
00:39:59 Darren Goldstein
And and that's.
00:39:59 Darren Goldstein
The idea is overachievers out there, people that are suit and a lot of entrepreneurs are overachievers.
00:40:07 Darren Goldstein
They they want to get everything right away.
00:40:09 Darren Goldstein
They want to figure it all out.
00:40:10 Darren Goldstein
You cannot figure it all out.
00:40:12 Ryan Lara
No, no you can't.
00:40:13 Darren Goldstein
And when you try to figure it all out and you don't, that's part of what that negative.
00:40:17 Darren Goldstein
Self talk becomes.
00:40:18 Ryan Lara
I I totally agree.
00:40:19 Ryan Lara
You kind of manufacture your own crisis in a.
00:40:21 Ryan Lara
OK, if if you don't, if you're just like lying to yourself, or if you're not committing, if you're not following through with your commitment, that's a lack of integrity amongst yourself in your own head.
00:40:34 Ryan Lara
No wonder you're spiraling like you need to give yourself some grace.
00:40:38 Ryan Lara
First of all, when these seasons occur, like especially if it's something that's.
00:40:42 Ryan Lara
That's something you did not bring about.
00:40:45 Ryan Lara
That's something that's just been dished to you and you have to hand.
00:40:49 Ryan Lara
You need to afford yourself some grace.
00:40:50 Ryan Lara
There's no one meaner than us to ourselves, right?
00:40:54 Ryan Lara
Or so we can be.
00:40:55 Ryan Lara
And and and that's not to say don't be real with yourself.
00:40:59 Ryan Lara
I mean, don't don't sugarcoat it like you need to be real and like like when you.
00:41:03 Ryan Lara
You're naked in the mirror.
00:41:05 Ryan Lara
In the mirror, like that's what you be real with yourself with what's?
00:41:08 Ryan Lara
But what's happening?
00:41:08 Ryan Lara
And but you gotta deal with it like you have to handle it.
00:41:11 Ryan Lara
You can't just.
00:41:12 Ryan Lara
I think when the procrastination comes into place, I think we manufacture things in our head, make things seem worse than they are.
00:41:19 Ryan Lara
Like you, you you really have to be able to be mentally resilient to deal with these things, and if you're not, then work on it.
00:41:27 Darren Goldstein
What also is really?
00:41:28 Ryan Lara
Easier said than done.
00:41:29 Darren Goldstein
What also is kind of like a life vest.
00:41:31 Darren Goldstein
During seasons of change that we haven't talked about is is so.
00:41:36 Darren Goldstein
So this is another.
00:41:38 Darren Goldstein
I just I'm going to share from personal experience.
00:41:40 Darren Goldstein
I'm going through.
00:41:41 Darren Goldstein
Crisis mode, right?
00:41:43 Darren Goldstein
Like it's like, don't tell anybody.
00:41:44 Darren Goldstein
By the way, this is just between you and me.
00:41:45 Ryan Lara
Yeah, of course.
00:41:46 Darren Goldstein
OK.
00:41:49 Darren Goldstein
So you know, I'm fully going.
00:41:50 Darren Goldstein
Through crisis mode.
00:41:51 Darren Goldstein
I mean like I'm, you know, this is I'm not gonna figure this out.
00:41:54 Darren Goldstein
Blah, blah, blah, whatever it is and.
00:41:57 Darren Goldstein
And when I'm going through it.
00:41:59 Darren Goldstein
And then like a partner calls me or I talk to my wife or I talk to.
00:42:03 Darren Goldstein
Somebody I know at.
00:42:04 Darren Goldstein
Church or whatever it is, and I let him know like hey.
00:42:07 Darren Goldstein
How's it going?
00:42:08 Darren Goldstein
You I get asked that question, you know it's going.
00:42:11 Darren Goldstein
It's going good.
00:42:12 Darren Goldstein
It's going really good.
00:42:13 Darren Goldstein
You know, this change is really young being like, you know, my good behavior because I'm not going to sound.
00:42:17 Darren Goldstein
Like a crazy person to to.
00:42:19 Darren Goldstein
When you're talking to.
00:42:19 Darren Goldstein
People and you go.
00:42:21 Darren Goldstein
You know, you know it's good.
00:42:23 Darren Goldstein
And then you realize they're like, oh.
00:42:24 Darren Goldstein
You'll figure it out.
00:42:25 Darren Goldstein
No big deal and and you.
00:42:27 Darren Goldstein
Realize when you're going through crisis now I'm getting to.
00:42:30 Darren Goldstein
The point when?
00:42:31 Darren Goldstein
You go through crisis mode and you talk to your friends or other people out there.
00:42:36 Darren Goldstein
Yes, they'll feel empathy for you, but.
00:42:38 Darren Goldstein
They're living their lives too, and they're trying to do the best they can, and there's almost like a comfort in knowing, like, I'm going through this deep crisis, but yet a friend of mine like I tell him I'm going through this deep crisis and they're like, oh, you figured out it's all good.
00:42:54 Darren Goldstein
Ohh hey I gotta.
00:42:54 Darren Goldstein
Jump back into work.
00:42:55 Darren Goldstein
It's like it's like the world keeps.
00:42:57 Darren Goldstein
Moving whether or not you have a pity party.
00:43:00 Darren Goldstein
For yourself or not?
00:43:01 Darren Goldstein
And it and it's not that nobody cares or feels empathy, but it's just the idea that you have like.
00:43:11 Darren Goldstein
I guess I'm.
00:43:12 Darren Goldstein
I'm it's coming.
00:43:13 Darren Goldstein
To fruition at this point.
00:43:14 Darren Goldstein
I'm trying to.
00:43:14 Ryan Lara
You called it a life vest.
00:43:17 Darren Goldstein
And and it's a life vest because sometimes you can get so deep into your own crisis that you think the world.
00:43:24 Darren Goldstein
Is falling apart.
00:43:25 Darren Goldstein
And when you talk to those people like I just mentioned and they're living their lives too, that's what I mean by a life.
00:43:31 Darren Goldstein
It's like, you know what, hey?
00:43:33 Darren Goldstein
On my life is not actually falling apart because my friend over here might need my help.
00:43:40 Darren Goldstein
At some point he might call me and he's it's the tables are going to be turned not in a well.
00:43:45 Darren Goldstein
They're going to go through this too, but it's.
00:43:48 Darren Goldstein
I'm digressing it it's the idea that it's not as bad as.
00:43:52 Darren Goldstein
You think it is?
00:43:54 Darren Goldstein
Does that make sense?
00:43:55 Ryan Lara
No, totally, I I think let's play devil's advocate.
00:43:57 Ryan Lara
Now, let's get let's get deeper into the rabbit.
00:44:00 Ryan Lara
What happens when?
00:44:02 Ryan Lara
How do you apply that example to someone who is going through a season of change that is bad, that is as bad as it can be?
00:44:10 Ryan Lara
Like a it could be a the divorce example you gave earlier, or a death in the family, or you know, something like tragic or something horrible.
00:44:18 Ryan Lara
Or those those type of things.
00:44:20 Ryan Lara
Like like the divorce is a perfect example of of it can be something.
00:44:23 Ryan Lara
Maybe they didn't even bring up themselves and and and was dished to them or, you know, their their mother passed away or some family member passed away and you're dealing with that season of change and you know what?
00:44:34 Ryan Lara
It is traumatic and it is difficult.
00:44:37 Ryan Lara
How do you how do you I guess.
00:44:41 Ryan Lara
Apply that example to to that scenario, where obviously your support system is going to be there and give empathy.
00:44:46 Ryan Lara
And is there that same?
00:44:48 Ryan Lara
Like you're going to get through it.
00:44:51 Darren Goldstein
To the person experiencing you.
00:44:54 Ryan Lara
Well, how is that like, I mean, it's not going to be that same like, hey, you'll figure it out.
00:44:58 Ryan Lara
We're not going to dish it to you that way, but there's going to be a different approach.
00:45:01 Ryan Lara
Right.
00:45:02 Ryan Lara
Isn't it a different way to navigate those waters?
00:45:05 Darren Goldstein
You know, I kind of feel like it's the same thing.
00:45:08 Ryan Lara
Ohh, I love that.
00:45:09 Darren Goldstein
I feel like I feel like it's the same thing.
00:45:11 Darren Goldstein
I feel like yes, the.
00:45:13 Darren Goldstein
Subject matter is.
00:45:14 Darren Goldstein
Is different, right?
00:45:16 Darren Goldstein
Especially in society like changing your computer program for your lending company and someone going through a death or a or a divorce.
00:45:24 Darren Goldstein
And by the way, some divorces, we celebrate because.
00:45:27 Speaker 2
Because some people are not meant.
00:45:28 Darren Goldstein
To be together.
00:45:29 Darren Goldstein
So I'm not saying.
00:45:30 Darren Goldstein
For anybody out there divorced, I assume everybody who's.
00:45:33 Darren Goldstein
Divorced is like.
00:45:34 Darren Goldstein
You know, sad, sad existence.
00:45:36 Darren Goldstein
Some people are like, damn you know, you needed to get divorced because it just wasn't healthy or it was dangerous.
00:45:40 Speaker 2
Yeah, well, for sure, good for you.
00:45:41
And good for you, right?
00:45:43 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, you celebrate your people.
00:45:44 Speaker 2
Out, but let's stay.
00:45:46 Darren Goldstein
In in your double you know devil's advocate.
00:45:48 Darren Goldstein
Situations, I think.
00:45:49 Darren Goldstein
It's the same.
00:45:50 Darren Goldstein
I think that that that's one thing I've noticed because.
00:45:54 Darren Goldstein
When my I've had friends go through things and when they go through things I'm I'm down to listen.
00:46:02 Darren Goldstein
I can't make their life.
00:46:04 Darren Goldstein
Here's the other idea.
00:46:05 Darren Goldstein
Nobody can make your life better.
00:46:08 Darren Goldstein
When you try to look to people to make your life better, when you try to look to drinking like or or drugs, or you, you embed yourself into work, whatever it might be, nobody's going to make your life better.
00:46:23 Darren Goldstein
You are going to make your life better.
00:46:25 Darren Goldstein
So I think in in regards to your question, which is the intensity of a different thing, right?
00:46:31 Darren Goldstein
How how is that the life vest?
00:46:33 Darren Goldstein
How does the life vest fit into?
00:46:35 Darren Goldstein
That, and I think it's the same thing I think.
00:46:37 Darren Goldstein
When you're going through crisis.
00:46:40 Darren Goldstein
And you read sometimes when you're going through that crisis, you feel so alone, like you're out in the middle of the ocean, you know yourself.
00:46:47 Darren Goldstein
And so just when you're about to give up hope, you see that friend walk by or float by on a little like pontoon boat and they go, hey, you know what?
00:46:56 Darren Goldstein
You're going to be OK.
00:46:58 Darren Goldstein
They don't pick you up into the boat, but they just you.
00:47:01 Darren Goldstein
You act and and sometimes seeing a person.
00:47:03 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, can be the life vest that gets you through those crisis modes. And so that's how I really feel it can be, because because no one's going to fix your problems. Just like relationships like.
00:47:12 Speaker 2
I love it.
00:47:18 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, a relationship there should be a little bit of what is it, codependency or something like that, but not 100%.
00:47:26 Darren Goldstein
100% because that's going to make for a very dangerous relationship, because if you're depending on that other person for your happiness.
00:47:34 Darren Goldstein
That other person's going to get annoyed or you're going to get annoyed or whatever it might.
00:47:38 Darren Goldstein
Be love each other.
00:47:39 Darren Goldstein
Be there for each other.
00:47:40 Darren Goldstein
Depend on each other.
00:47:42 Darren Goldstein
That's a beautiful thing, but in business too, it's like no one's going to save you. No one is going to do it. You have to stand up and.
00:47:47 Ryan Lara
No one saving you.
00:47:53 Darren Goldstein
And face that change and go through the feelings of it and and.
00:47:59 Darren Goldstein
But you have.
00:48:00 Darren Goldstein
To do it, your mentor, your guru, is not going to get you through it.
00:48:04 Darren Goldstein
Your your mentor is not going to get you through it.
00:48:07 Darren Goldstein
Will they help you in certain situations?
00:48:11 Darren Goldstein
Here's another thing.
00:48:12 Darren Goldstein
Idea, too, is it's in seasons of change.
00:48:17 Darren Goldstein
Let's you get a mentor and that mentor has guided you and taught you for five years on how to do a job.
00:48:25 Darren Goldstein
And let's say that job requires a lot.
00:48:27 Darren Goldstein
Of computer work.
00:48:29 Darren Goldstein
So all of a sudden on year 6.
00:48:33 Darren Goldstein
The computer system changes everything that you got to do to do your job changes.
00:48:38 Darren Goldstein
All of a sudden.
00:48:40 Darren Goldstein
That mentor needs to learn the system, just like you do.
00:48:45 Darren Goldstein
And So what the the best result of that is that you face that change and do the best you can.
00:48:53 Darren Goldstein
That mentor is going to face that change and do the best they can, and then you come together.
00:48:58 Darren Goldstein
And hopefully between the two of you, you've made mistakes in different realms and aspects and learned a lot in different realms and aspects, and you can help each other complete each other.
00:49:08 Darren Goldstein
To be better.
00:49:09 Ryan Lara
That, that ties right back to the example we talked about earlier of when those stormy waters occur.
00:49:15 Ryan Lara
How is your support system?
00:49:16 Ryan Lara
How is the whole of your boat?
00:49:18 Ryan Lara
Is it strong or have you just been like, fly by night this whole time?
00:49:22 Ryan Lara
And and it's the people who are the best equipped, the most resilient.
00:49:26 Ryan Lara
And when these stormy waters sit, they're going to make it.
00:49:28 Ryan Lara
And then you, you.
00:49:29 Ryan Lara
Look to your side.
00:49:30 Ryan Lara
You see that boat?
00:49:31 Ryan Lara
That's wrecked that.
00:49:33 Ryan Lara
Isn't doing so.
00:49:33 Ryan Lara
Isn't doing so hot.
00:49:34 Darren Goldstein
Right.
00:49:35 Darren Goldstein
And and kind of to wrap it up, I I really think this whole seasons of change is if if if you can.
00:49:42 Darren Goldstein
Think to yourself.
00:49:45 Darren Goldstein
Look at it.
00:49:45 Darren Goldstein
As an opportunity to grow, it's not going to.
00:49:48 Darren Goldstein
Be easy there.
00:49:49 Darren Goldstein
I saw something on Instagram when I was doomed.
00:49:52 Darren Goldstein
Scrolling or whatever you want to call it, but it was like some some guy, some old like white guy in like a suit like sitting there, you know, with a pencil and he's like, and I can't even tell you all four steps.
00:50:04 Darren Goldstein
But he said something about the pencil and he goes.
00:50:06 Darren Goldstein
He goes this pencil.
00:50:10 Darren Goldstein
If you think about it like it's, it's sharp, right? And you write and when you're writing with the pencil, you're writing and it's writing really well, the everything's flowing nicely.
00:50:22 Darren Goldstein
After you write.
00:50:23 Darren Goldstein
With the pencil enough and long enough.
00:50:26 Darren Goldstein
The lead becomes dull and then it gets to the point to where the lead isn't even sticking out anymore.
00:50:32 Darren Goldstein
So what do you have to do?
00:50:33 Darren Goldstein
You have to sharpen the pencil so you stick it into.
00:50:36 Darren Goldstein
Hole that has all these blades and it's going to go through a lot of imagine if you were that.
00:50:42 Darren Goldstein
Pencil getting sharpened.
00:50:44 Speaker 2
They're pretty, pretty bad.
00:50:46 Darren Goldstein
So like you have to.
00:50:47 Darren Goldstein
Go through this uncomfortable change and this uncomfortable feeling, the sharpness, and then all of a sudden after you're done with those blades and you pull the pencil.
00:50:57 Darren Goldstein
You blow what you what?
00:50:59 Darren Goldstein
You blow on the.
00:51:01 Darren Goldstein
You get the shot and all of a sudden you are fresh, clean and sharp and.
00:51:04 Ryan Lara
Yes, 100%.
00:51:06 Darren Goldstein
And it's called rinse and.
00:51:08 Darren Goldstein
Repeat people like.
00:51:09 Darren Goldstein
It's like that's life like.
00:51:10 Speaker 2
How sharp are your pencils?
00:51:11 Darren Goldstein
We a pencil.
00:51:12 Speaker 2
How sharp are your pencils?
00:51:14 Ryan Lara
That's the that's the take away. And by the way, all of our ginsky listeners are like pencils. Well, yeah.
00:51:22 Darren Goldstein
And that's right.
00:51:22 Darren Goldstein
It's not as messy with a pen.
00:51:25 Speaker 2
But yeah, I think that's.
00:51:26 Ryan Lara
A great take away from this how sharp is your pencil and and are you in the period?
00:51:30 Ryan Lara
Of is your the season of changes the sharpener in a way right?
00:51:33 Ryan Lara
Like are you and and embrace it?
00:51:36 Ryan Lara
Don't be like, oh, the sharpener.
00:51:37 Ryan Lara
I need to deal with.
00:51:38 Ryan Lara
Like it happens.
00:51:39 Ryan Lara
Got to deal with it, you got.
00:51:40 Darren Goldstein
To do it.
00:51:40 Darren Goldstein
Or else you're not going to be able to write.
00:51:42 Speaker 2
Or you're dull.
00:51:45 Speaker 2
Are you dull?
00:51:48 Ryan Lara
Well, thank you guys for listening.
00:51:49 Ryan Lara
Appreciate you taking time out of your busy days to listen to real equity today.
00:51:54 Ryan Lara
Season 2 Change was a really good topic.
00:51:56 Ryan Lara
I loved it.
00:51:57 Ryan Lara
Please like subscribe 5 stars please.
00:52:00 Ryan Lara
We appreciate your support.
00:52:02 Ryan Lara
And thank you everyone.
00:52:03 Ryan Lara
Have a have a.
00:52:03 Ryan Lara
Good one. Take care.
