In this eye-opening episode of "Real Equity," hosts Ryan Lara and Darren Goldstein tackle the age-old dilemma: Is the grass really greener on the other side? Dive into a candid conversation that explores the complexities of decision-making in relationships, work, and life itself. From the pitfalls of staying the course to the merits of seeking change, this episode offers a nuanced take that challenges conventional wisdom. Whether you're contemplating a career move or navigating a tricky relationship, this episode is your guide to making choices you won't regret. Tune in and discover why sometimes the grass is, indeed, greener.
In this eye-opening episode of "Real Equity," hosts Ryan Lara and Darren Goldstein tackle the age-old dilemma: Is the grass really greener on the other side? Dive into a candid conversation that explores the complexities of decision-making in relationships, work, and life itself. From the pitfalls of staying the course to the merits of seeking change, this episode offers a nuanced take that challenges conventional wisdom. Whether you're contemplating a career move or navigating a tricky relationship, this episode is your guide to making choices you won't regret. Tune in and discover why sometimes the grass is, indeed, greener.
00:00:00 Ryan Lara
Hello and welcome to another episode of Real Equity with Ryan and Darren. Today, we are excited to talk about talking. We're talking about the grass is greener sometimes.
00:00:10 Ryan Lara
Or is it dot dot dot dot dot? That's we're gonna get into today to talk about it. We we get seasons of things happening in our lives and we have to make a decision and not making a decision is a decision. So what are you going to do when things happen in your life work do you jump ship do you make a decision do you change or do you stay.
00:00:29 Ryan Lara
The course, which one's the right move?
00:00:31 Ryan Lara
Tell me. Darn. Yeah. Please do. You're the you're the you're.
00:00:33 Darren Goldstein
I have all the answers. Yes I do.
00:00:37 Ryan Lara
Like the the.
00:00:38 Ryan Lara
Genie or the guy with you know?
00:00:39 Darren Goldstein
I have all.
00:00:40 Darren Goldstein
The answers, except for on that subject.
00:00:43 Ryan Lara
OK, the podcast is over 44 seconds.
00:00:45
Show this one ever.
00:00:45 Ryan Lara
In. Yeah, you.
00:00:47 Ryan Lara
Know what? It'll be our highest rated one.
00:00:48 Darren Goldstein
The grass is greener sometimes.
00:00:52 Darren Goldstein
So when I know when we're.
00:00:53 Darren Goldstein
Talking about this, we just.
00:00:55 Darren Goldstein
Exactly what you said. Hit it.
00:00:56 Darren Goldstein
Right on the head, sometimes people always.
00:00:59 Darren Goldstein
Say you know, hey, the grass, what do they?
00:01:01
Always say the.
00:01:02 Ryan Lara
Grass is greener on the other side.
00:01:02 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, they they think.
00:01:04 Darren Goldstein
The grass is greener, right?
00:01:06 Darren Goldstein
It wait, it's not always greener, is what they.
00:01:08 Darren Goldstein
Say right, isn't.
00:01:09 Darren Goldstein
Like the normal comment. Hey, the grass.
00:01:11 Darren Goldstein
Isn't always greener than.
00:01:11 Ryan Lara
Has there always been on the site correct?
00:01:12 Darren Goldstein
The others? Yeah. So the grass isn't always greener on the other side, so.
00:01:17 Darren Goldstein
What does that mean to you?
00:01:18 Ryan Lara
To me, that just in a in a vacuum, that saying says don't make a change, just stay the course that things aren't always better by making a change.
00:01:29 Ryan Lara
So to me it it says.
00:01:32 Ryan Lara
Don't make, don't make.
00:01:33 Darren Goldstein
A change I agree. Same thing. And so that could relate to in business. You know if somebody's trying one avenue of business and they think they're just going.
00:01:41 Darren Goldstein
To, you know, stop doing that and jump on the other side. It's going to.
00:01:45 Darren Goldstein
Be just as hard or this.
00:01:46 Darren Goldstein
Or that right? Or maybe in a marriage?
00:01:49 Darren Goldstein
A marriage, you know, someone who's having a rough spot in the marriage, they think, OK, well.
00:01:54 Darren Goldstein
You know that that that person's nice to me or, you know, maybe I should, you know, go out to dinner with them, or maybe I should do this right or the and that's when they say the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Right. And that is very true. I'm a believer in that. But what about sometimes when it actually is greener on the other side?
00:02:14 Ryan Lara
There's plenty of times where it is, so I think that saying is be asked to be frank.
00:02:19 Ryan Lara
There are times where it is and there's times where it isn't, but it's not a blanket statement. It's not. All. You should stay the course and and stay in this miserable situation, whether it be a friendship, whether whether it be work, whether it be marriage to your point, Darren or or family, whatever you need to. Sometimes there's times you need to make a move and change or.
00:02:38 Ryan Lara
Someone off or move on to something else.
00:02:40 Darren Goldstein
So if we break.
00:02:41 Darren Goldstein
That apart, and we think about timelines, so if.
00:02:45 Darren Goldstein
Someone let's talk about relationships first, because we're qualified for that.
00:02:50 Ryan Lara
Are we?
00:02:52 Ryan Lara
2 married men. I think we are. Yeah. We've made a commitment, right.
00:02:54 Darren Goldstein
We are but but not.
00:02:56 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, we have, yes.
00:02:57 Darren Goldstein
And all of this conversation I just want to have a disclaimer it has.
00:03:00 Darren Goldstein
Nothing to do with.
00:03:02 Darren Goldstein
With, I'll let you guys know if.
00:03:03 Darren Goldstein
It has anything to.
00:03:04 Darren Goldstein
Do with me. It does not and I know.
00:03:06 Darren Goldstein
The same for you, right?
00:03:07 Ryan Lara
Correct. Yeah. I I nearly thought at the time where you were looking for you were looking for a full partner and you posted. Does anyone know a good divorce attorney?
00:03:16 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, but you weren't they didn't.
00:03:19
Do that.
00:03:20 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, I remember I posted that and then I had to clarify afterwards cause I I think I even asked somebody at church. I was like, hey, do you have a no good divorce turning? He's like the long face. He's like, well, was everything OK with you and, you know, and.
00:03:32 Darren Goldstein
I'm like like.
00:03:33 Darren Goldstein
Oh my gosh. I'm like yes, of.
00:03:34 Darren Goldstein
Course I'm like I just.
00:03:35
But it's funny cause.
00:03:36 Ryan Lara
You were even thinking about that, right? You're just looking to find a A.
00:03:38 Ryan Lara
Business partner to work with.
00:03:40 Darren Goldstein
Exactly. And. And so. So I think that that.
00:03:45 Darren Goldstein
In relationships, when do you know when? It's when you should fight for it, and when you shouldn't and and now let's just get out of the way. If you if someones even, you know, someones in abusive relationship some it's a very toxic relationship that that's different.
00:04:02 Ryan Lara
Yeah, I think I think it is different. I think it gets a little and it's easy to be like, hey, if it's just you and them and it's a toxic relationship, it's easy to just paint, you know, paint brush and say, hey, you know, get out of there, it's bad the.
00:04:13 Ryan Lara
Grass will be greener on the.
00:04:14 Ryan Lara
Side, but here's where it gets here. Let me throw an example in there. That's money in the waters. What if you have three kids?
00:04:21 Ryan Lara
And there's an abusive husband and wife relationship. Then what do you do? You swell the family. Do you like, do you weigh it out, do you think?
00:04:26 Ryan Lara
Things will improve, but if they get worse.
00:04:28 Darren Goldstein
Now there are some people.
00:04:29 Darren Goldstein
Out there that just listen to you.
00:04:31 Darren Goldstein
Say that and say they need to.
00:04:33 Darren Goldstein
Get the hell out of there.
00:04:34 Darren Goldstein
For those kids, they need to.
00:04:35 Darren Goldstein
Do this, they need to do that.
00:04:37 Darren Goldstein
And they might.
00:04:38 Darren Goldstein
Be right. You who just thought that listeners.
00:04:41 Darren Goldstein
You are you might be.
00:04:42 Darren Goldstein
Right, But let's play a little devil's advocate per say. Like, I get what you're saying, Ryan. Like, if you got somebody, let's say that person's dealing with an alcohol problem, a drug problem, and yeah, they're they're abusive. Like everyone's always got an opinion. Right. Everyone's like, oh, you know, you need to get out of there. They're.
00:05:01 Darren Goldstein
They yell at you. They they hit you, whatever it might be. Now, none of us condone someone getting abused at all, right? But.
00:05:07
Of course.
00:05:11 Darren Goldstein
But sometimes things are worth fighting for, and I know sometimes that's what the person who's being abused is thinking they're they're being told by everyone. Hey, the grass is greener on the other side and and.
00:05:23 Darren Goldstein
That that advice?
00:05:25 Darren Goldstein
Probably is right. OK. But on the idea that.
00:05:30 Darren Goldstein
That person's hanging on to the abused person who's probably going.
00:05:34 Darren Goldstein
And you know what? But I got a family with this person. I don't want these children to to have a broken home or a broken family or this or that. And so fortunately, hopefully that works out where it where it works the way they want it to and people can change and adapt and grow and be a better person to themselves so they can be a better person.
00:05:54 Darren Goldstein
For somebody else, but in a lot of ways, in a lot of times that that may not happen. You know, umm, sometimes it's just really.
00:06:03 Darren Goldstein
Really bad and toxic.
00:06:04 Ryan Lara
I agree, I agree. I let's turn down the dial a little bit. In that example, let's say it's not so obvious. Like it's not a. It's not a physically abusive relationship. Maybe it's just a verbally abusive relationship or. Or perhaps they just, you know, maybe you're just fighting all the time or they're arguing all the time or or there's, there's there's other things going on. Maybe, you know, it's not as.
00:06:24 Ryan Lara
Easier saying ohh he's hitting me and I need to leave. Like it's more arguing or whatever.
00:06:28 Ryan Lara
Else then how do you?
00:06:29 Ryan Lara
That you also I think only in taking into account as well as a lot of times not just leaving the person, it's also leaving friends of social circle, of family. There's a lot to take into account. It's not as easy.
00:06:39 Ryan Lara
And cut and.
00:06:39 Ryan Lara
Dry, so could your.
00:06:42 Ryan Lara
Could the grass be greener on this side? Yeah, it could it not be? Could you be in a worse position, you know?
00:06:47 Ryan Lara
5-10 years.
00:06:48 Ryan Lara
Down the road, perhaps.
00:06:49 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, it it's. And the other thing I think that that is a big marker in that is in the scenario that you gave, they're verbally abusive and whatnot per se.
00:07:02 Darren Goldstein
I feel like.
00:07:03 Darren Goldstein
But there's there's so much to think about there, because if you you kind of have to look at yourself and I think this is probably one of the hardest things for anybody out there to think about is like if you're receiving abuse, if you're in an abusive relationship, if you're if it's toxic, whatever it might be at any level.
00:07:23 Darren Goldstein
I think the first thing you have to do is you have to look at yourself and you.
00:07:27 Darren Goldstein
Have to go. What? What?
00:07:29 Darren Goldstein
Role am I playing in this relationship? What role?
00:07:32 Darren Goldstein
Well, am I? Am I drinking too much? Am I partaking in drugs? Am I not listening? Am I staying out too late? Am I hanging out my friends too much now? Not that any of those things deserve anybody to get abused, but I think I love this comment like Jordan Peterson says. Like try to organize.
00:07:53 Darren Goldstein
Get your own house in order before you try to change the world, and I think let's go even inception on this.
00:08:00 Darren Goldstein
Before, before you get someone else in order, get yourself in order.
00:08:05 Ryan Lara
Ohh yeah.
00:08:06 Darren Goldstein
You know and and so it so when you're in that kind of a situation you're trying to, we're talking about is the grass greener on the other?
00:08:13 Darren Goldstein
Some the grass is greener sometimes, right is you have to be able to stop and look at yourself first.
00:08:20 Darren Goldstein
And if you look at yourself 1st and you're.
00:08:23 Darren Goldstein
Able to see things that you might.
00:08:25 Darren Goldstein
Be able to change.
00:08:26 Darren Goldstein
Change. Then you can start to change and hopefully with that change on yourself, you can maybe see a change in the other person. I think that's step one.
00:08:35 Ryan Lara
I I I completely agree with you. I think that one of the healthiest things anyone can do at any point in conflict with a significant other, a boss, a coworker, friend.
00:08:35 Darren Goldstein
What do you think?
00:08:45 Ryan Lara
Is to stop.
00:08:47 Ryan Lara
Look internally, look in the mirror to your point, Darren and say, could I be the problem? Could I be?
00:08:52 Ryan Lara
Contributing to this.
00:08:53 Ryan Lara
A lot of times when conflict arises, people want to assign 100% of the blame to.
00:08:58 Ryan Lara
The other party.
00:08:59 Ryan Lara
Or one party, but I don't think that's accurate. I find that a lot of times issues are it's 70% someone's fault and 30% someone else's.
00:09:09 Ryan Lara
He had that guy who's an alcoholic at home, his wife's a psychopath. That's why he's an alcoholic. You know, it could be very muddy. There's there's causation and effect and and you have to really look at everything. Overall, back to your point, Darren, I think we need to look internally looking ourselves first before we start assigning blame and making a huge decision like leaving a relationship, leaving the job.
00:09:29 Ryan Lara
Cutting off a friend, whatever that.
00:09:31 Darren Goldstein
Looks like and great point and.
00:09:33 Darren Goldstein
I think that when, when.
00:09:35 Darren Goldstein
You take the time to to do that self introspection.
00:09:40 Darren Goldstein
Then then you, you, you look and see what happens then. So if you do that and then you go about your day to.
00:09:48 Darren Goldstein
Day you make really.
00:09:49 Darren Goldstein
Really conscious efforts to do that and it's still the same problem. Then you either seek professional help, you, you you get space.
00:09:59 Darren Goldstein
You do what you got to do.
00:10:00 Darren Goldstein
Because because then what happens is is you have to really start to go. Am I safe? Correct. I. And and this is like a comment for the abused relationship of different levels and magnitudes. And then we really haven't gotten to the business side of things. But let's stay on relationships. So then you go, am I in something safe? Right. And then.
00:10:21 Darren Goldstein
And then after you've got yourself organized, then you can start to assess the situation.
00:10:25 Darren Goldstein
Nation am I putting my children in danger? Am I putting myself in danger? Is this person just a train wreck and do we need to separate? Do we need to go on the other side? Do I need to leave them and then you know, a whole other podcast is how do you leave them and how do you do that? The grass is greener sometimes is all about to me when we were thinking about this.
00:10:47 Darren Goldstein
To me about.
00:10:48 Darren Goldstein
Yes, you should leave.
00:10:50 Darren Goldstein
Like, you know, like you should listen to those people telling you you should leave. Sometimes it is, sometimes.
00:10:55 Darren Goldstein
It is the right thing to.
00:10:56 Darren Goldstein
Do you know but?
00:10:57 Ryan Lara
I agree.
00:10:57 Darren Goldstein
There's a lot of turmoil and conflict that goes on in that process.
00:11:01 Ryan Lara
I agree with you with when when you're thinking about all that and you're considering whether the grass is greener or not. I also think there are people out there who.
00:11:11 Ryan Lara
Maybe they've been in an abusive relationship for like 10 years or 15 years or a super long period of time, and they may have gone to a point where they're numb to the abuse. They may lack the self-awareness to make a decision and to add to that, to your point.
00:11:28 Ryan Lara
You know, we talked about being able to look at yourself in the Maya causation of the issues that I'm dealing with. You know, you know, you may be so messed up in the head because you've been abused for so long, so much negative stuff going on in your life. You may not be mentally fit to make the decision of is the grasping on the.
00:11:45 Ryan Lara
Other side.
00:11:46 Ryan Lara
To Darren's point, go see professional help.
00:11:49 Ryan Lara
And you know, if you're bringing a scrambled egg or not like you need to, you need to have that self-awareness. So you know what? I'm kind of messed up right now. I'm not OK. I need to lean on someone who can help me make a decision or provide some clarity.
00:12:01 Darren Goldstein
And and the other thing.
00:12:02 Darren Goldstein
Too that I.
00:12:02 Darren Goldstein
Love about it is you don't need to.
00:12:04 Darren Goldstein
Make a decision.
00:12:04 Darren Goldstein
Right away, like like separation is a real thing. You know, separation. I think a lot of people.
00:12:12 Darren Goldstein
Feel like they have to make a decision right away. They, they and right away could mean that day that month, that year and it doesn't always work that way. I mean, sometimes you grab someone, grabs the kids and they leave the house. Male, female, doesn't matter. You, you you leave the house.
00:12:31 Darren Goldstein
And you stay with family, and then you once you're away, you you realize, like, OK, this. Wow. I can start to see again or or maybe when you start to see again and then the person you left.
00:12:46 Darren Goldstein
They stop drinking, they they they they start changing. But that doesn't mean you come back right away, you know? So. So the grass is greener sometimes. Doesn't mean even making a decision. Sometimes it's about taking more time, you know, especially when you're talking about, like, what we've been talking about for the last however long is, is that.
00:13:06 Darren Goldstein
When you're in a relationship specifically, we're talking about whether you're married, whether your partners.
00:13:11 Darren Goldstein
Whatever it is.
00:13:13 Darren Goldstein
You. You that's.
00:13:14 Darren Goldstein
Serious man and people should take that seriously. Divorce is the high divorce attorneys. We talk about divorce attorneys.
00:13:15
For sure.
00:13:21 Darren Goldstein
Their love in.
00:13:21 Darren Goldstein
Life is there ever a down market for divorce attorneys?
00:13:24 Ryan Lara
In the state of California, marriage has a coin flip.
00:13:28 Ryan Lara
Chance 5050.
00:13:29 Ryan Lara
Orange County, where where someone was going to say that there, but we're we live in, we we live in a world where people are are ready to press the eject button. You. I've also heard plenty of stories of people getting divorced and getting back together later down the.
00:13:41 Ryan Lara
Vote sometimes. Why?
00:13:42 Darren Goldstein
That's a lot of money. There's a lot of money to.
00:13:43 Ryan Lara
There's a lot of money, right? You better.
00:13:45
Get a good.
00:13:46 Darren Goldstein
Be like well.
00:13:47 Darren Goldstein
Let's let's get back to.
00:13:47 Ryan Lara
Better get a good prenup better.
00:13:49 Ryan Lara
Get a good post.
00:13:49 Darren Goldstein
Snub. We have a divorce attorney on. Yeah.
00:13:53 Ryan Lara
We should that be a good podcast? I'm.
00:13:55 Ryan Lara
Sure, they have some interesting stories.
00:13:58 Ryan Lara
There's I, I.
00:13:59 Ryan Lara
Feel that you need to have clarity before you make that decision of is that grass greener on the other side or not? And you know, if you're, you know, you made a great point, Darren, about you don't have.
00:14:11 Ryan Lara
To make the decision right away.
00:14:12 Ryan Lara
And I've been in previous I.
00:14:15 Ryan Lara
You know in previous you know previous like I've been with my therapist and we've had issues with like I've had like work issues or stress issues, previous job and one of the best decisions my best pieces of advice he ever gave me was you don't have to make a decision right now like like I had a boss who like like you know yell and cuss and did all this stuff and like this.
00:14:30
Love that.
00:14:35 Ryan Lara
Easy dude and.
00:14:37 Ryan Lara
I was telling my therapist. I know what to do about this. Like, this isn't healthy. Like I need to. Like I need to.
00:14:41 Ryan Lara
Do something about.
00:14:42 Ryan Lara
This, and he's like you. Don't. Yeah, you do. But not right now. Like, you don't have to right now if you if you, you know if you're in a place to make the decision do it but you don't. There's no gun to your head. There's no timer on the wall telling you you need to make the decision immediately.
00:14:55 Darren Goldstein
I love that and I think that is something I try to work on every day and in business too. I mean, being in real estate that we are, we have, we're in a very reactive business. You know, I mean it it just.
00:15:10 Darren Goldstein
We have to respond right away a lot. Now, sometimes we don't have to respond right away. So for any professionals out there in sales or high stress positions, yeah. Just, you know, when you need to respond right now and when.
00:15:25 Darren Goldstein
You think you?
00:15:26 Darren Goldstein
Need to respond, but you actually don't, and so the same thing goes like in a relationship.
00:15:32 Darren Goldstein
Is that I feel.
00:15:33 Darren Goldstein
Everyone always thinks that they need to do something because they think that they're.
00:15:39 Darren Goldstein
Going to get the respect.
00:15:40 Darren Goldstein
Whatever they think they're going to get or whatever they think they deserve outside of that turmoil is going to come quicker. And I think the reality is and I am not qualified to really say this, but.
00:15:52 Darren Goldstein
I think the.
00:15:52 Darren Goldstein
Reality is is if you take somebody.
00:15:54 Darren Goldstein
Out of a toxic relationship now, if it's deathly abusive, whatever it is, it's probably better to make your remember we talked about being safe.
00:16:04 Darren Goldstein
But if you if you get out of that, some of those people, they never recover. Correct. Like they they never, they never find or they they go through an endless sea of dating people. They're never truly happy. They always feel like the person they left is the person that was supposed to be their person.
00:16:21 Ryan Lara
I'm doing our quote right now, the one that.
00:16:23 Ryan Lara
Got away.
00:16:23 Darren Goldstein
Yeah. And and again, like even if it was abusive, I mean, here's the thing. I am never one to judge. I personally believe and have said it before. People are stupid. We are all stupid.
00:16:36 Darren Goldstein
Including me, some people are way more stupider than others. Is any sentence even makes sense?
00:16:41 Ryan Lara
Stupid or isn't a word.
00:16:42 Darren Goldstein
OK, well.
00:16:46 Darren Goldstein
Hey, Ryan. Thank you for fact checking on me.
00:16:49 Darren Goldstein
What stupider. Yeah, that that's really what?
00:16:51 Darren Goldstein
Would be the right word some people.
00:16:52 Ryan Lara
Or more stupid.
00:16:52 Darren Goldstein
Are more stupid.
00:16:56 Darren Goldstein
Can we delete that? No. Damn it. OK.
00:16:57 Ryan Lara
Nope, Nope, I'm not editing this.
00:17:02 Darren Goldstein
Oh man, that's funny. So you you see where I'm going with that, though some people are more.
00:17:06 Darren Goldstein
More stupid than others.
00:17:09 Darren Goldstein
And so and so the idea is is that.
00:17:12 Darren Goldstein
Who are we to judge our friends, our family and everybody else? Like, if, if, if your brother or sister or your or your uncle, whatever it is, is in a relationship that's highly toxic.
00:17:16 Ryan Lara
You haven't locked their shoes.
00:17:24 Darren Goldstein
And you're telling them to get out of it.
00:17:27 Darren Goldstein
OK, that's there's a part of that. That's admirable because you're looking out for, for that person. OK, you're trying to save them. Maybe they need to be saved, right. But there's also an aspect where the more pressure you put on that person that's being abused, you're doing more damage than than good for their. I, I think. And so I think.
00:17:47 Darren Goldstein
Part of it is not pushing people to make decisions that the grass is greener sometimes you know, and it even if it is, you're still how many times? And this is a question for for.
00:17:57 Darren Goldstein
All of you.
00:17:58 Darren Goldstein
Out there.
00:17:59 Darren Goldstein
How many times in your life?
00:18:00 Darren Goldstein
If have you tried to to get a result when when you when you see a friend in turmoil and you give them advice and you think you're fixing the problem? How many times does that turn out to where you finished that conversation and a week later they call you up and go. You know what? You changed my life.
00:18:20 Ryan Lara
No, I I don't.
00:18:23 Ryan Lara
I've had it happen both ways.
00:18:25 Ryan Lara
Or plenty trimming.
00:18:26 Darren Goldstein
And something big.
00:18:27 Ryan Lara
Like a relationship or yeah.
00:18:28
You have.
00:18:31 Darren Goldstein
Tell me about.
00:18:31 Darren Goldstein
It when it's.
00:18:32 Ryan Lara
Gone. Well, it's typically something that's obvious, though it's not as muddy as the scenarios we've been throwing out. As someone who's obviously being abused, being cheated on something, obviously negative happening, and I tell them you need to get out of there like you.
00:18:46 Ryan Lara
Need to leave like like that black guy.
00:18:48 Ryan Lara
It is not OK like that type of stuff.
00:18:51 Darren Goldstein
OK, so that's that.
00:18:53 Darren Goldstein
That's one that we've been talking about. Someone is really in danger and unsafe. Now let's dial it back. Have you ever had situations where people are in turmoil fighting because of things not as crazy as a black eye or whatever it might be? You've given them advice and then.
00:18:58
Right and.
00:19:11 Darren Goldstein
Then they've been like, oh, you know, thank you. Like, you know, this is really changed my whole thing right now.
00:19:16 Ryan Lara
No, because because if it's not as cut and dry. Well, here's here's how I I'd like to think I I deal with these things when someone tells me, hey, this just happened to me, or they're telling me about a scenario to.
00:19:28 Ryan Lara
Good point.
00:19:29 Ryan Lara
The first thing that goes through my head is to ask them do you want me to listen or do you want advice because some people just want?
00:19:36 Darren Goldstein
Wait, let's say that.
00:19:38 Ryan Lara
Again, do you want? Do you want me to listen or do you want advice? And it puts the ball in their court like some people just want an ear. They just have. They just have the worst day of their life and they need to they.
00:19:48 Ryan Lara
Need someone to.
00:19:49 Ryan Lara
Listen to what's going on with them.
00:19:50 Ryan Lara
Versus some people are.
00:19:52 Ryan Lara
Lost their brain is scrambled egg and.
00:19:56 Ryan Lara
They're they're those people. The Titanic just sunk and they're like paddling, looking for something to grab onto, and that's why.
00:20:02 Ryan Lara
And that's one. Typically, they'll be like, hey, I need some advice I.
00:20:05 Darren Goldstein
Don't know what I what I need to do. That is a great a great way to respond. Do you want me to listen or do you want advice?
00:20:13 Darren Goldstein
Do you what do?
00:20:14 Darren Goldstein
You think the ratios are of.
00:20:16 Darren Goldstein
Listen and advice. Most people want advice.
00:20:18 Ryan Lara
Most people want.
00:20:21 Darren Goldstein
Do you so?
00:20:21 Darren Goldstein
Do you think out of the most people that want?
00:20:22 Ryan Lara
All these people I talked.
00:20:24 Darren Goldstein
To one of the most, and I'm gonna time out work. Yeah, most.
00:20:26 Darren Goldstein
People, when they want advice.
00:20:30 Darren Goldstein
You really think they do? Or do you think that they are? They they say that.
00:20:35 Darren Goldstein
But then they want. Do you see where I'm?
00:20:36 Darren Goldstein
Going to the point, this is the.
00:20:37 Darren Goldstein
Point I'm trying to make is that yes.
00:20:40 Darren Goldstein
And you know what, you.
00:20:40 Darren Goldstein
Do give great advice. Thank you.
00:20:43 Ryan Lara
I took peer counseling in high.
00:20:44 Darren Goldstein
School I I was a conflict manager in junior.
00:20:47 Ryan Lara
Oh, that's cool.
00:20:47 Darren Goldstein
High man, look at us. Yeah. We're yeah, man.
00:20:48
Oh, that's awesome. That's cool.
00:20:50 Ryan Lara
Wow, full circle.
00:20:54 Darren Goldstein
But but I mean that.
00:20:55 Darren Goldstein
You hear what I'm saying? I think a lot.
00:20:57 Darren Goldstein
Of people think that they.
00:20:58 Darren Goldstein
Want advice? But most people just.
00:20:59 Ryan Lara
Want to be heard correct? I I agree with you there. I think I'm not trying to. I'm not trying to like, put a top hat and monocle on my on me right now. But I I'd like to think I I feel like I'm a little more centered than most. And so when someone needs some.
00:21:07 Darren Goldstein
No. Yeah, I like it.
00:21:12 Ryan Lara
Like good advice, I think I'm probably closer closer to the top on the speed dial.
00:21:17 Darren Goldstein
So you would say looking back.
00:21:18 Darren Goldstein
At a 10 and.
00:21:19 Darren Goldstein
Then I'll stop. It's not about you.
00:21:19 Ryan Lara
Yeah, really good.
00:21:21 Darren Goldstein
But it's like out of out of 10 people, you've given advice to.
00:21:25 Darren Goldstein
Like 9 out of 10 of them are like Ryan. That was great advice and I'm out of my relationship where everything.
00:21:31 Ryan Lara
Well, they don't.
00:21:31 Darren Goldstein
'S better now.
00:21:31 Ryan Lara
Lot of times they don't even listen. They'll hear my point of view or they'll listen. They'll they'll hear, but they don't listen. They'll they want to.
00:21:39 Darren Goldstein
And why do you think that is?
00:21:41 Ryan Lara
Because they're comfortable, they're comfortable, they, they've, they've gone comfortable with the cheating. They've gone comfortable with the fighting, they've gone comfortable with throwing beer bottles at each other like they're they're fine with that. They that's their, that's.
00:21:53 Ryan Lara
Their level of.
00:21:53 Ryan Lara
Homeostasis, and they're cool with that. And so to tell someone, hey, you got to.
00:21:58 Ryan Lara
Bounce now you're kind of rattling the cage. Maybe they won't do that. Maybe they won't do that right now.
00:22:03 Ryan Lara
Maybe they'll make that decision at a.
00:22:04 Ryan Lara
Different time.
00:22:06 Darren Goldstein
And how do you feel when, when, you're because you just said, you know, that that's intense stuff to talk to friends about. And I'm sure a lot of listeners out there going like, man, I've had those conversation before. Oh, I've done this. Or I've thought this we all have. So how do you feel when you're hearing those friends talk about the cheating or this or this or this or this?
00:22:14 Ryan Lara
Ohh for sure.
00:22:27 Darren Goldstein
And then when you're giving them the advice, like, do you feel? And here's the question is, do you feel when you hear that stuff?
00:22:35 Darren Goldstein
Do you feel like you want to fix their problems and come to the rescue and present them with like strategies and options?
00:22:43 Darren Goldstein
Do you? Do you?
00:22:44 Darren Goldstein
Do you want to empathize and let them know that you you care? Do you? Do you feel? How do you feel? Like you?
00:22:51 Darren Goldstein
Know about that.
00:22:53 Ryan Lara
The whole time you were talking right now, the first thing came to my mind was I cannot help someone more than they can. They want to help them.
00:23:00 Ryan Lara
So if you know someone says, hey, Ryan, I'm going through ABC and D what should I do? And I tell them, hey, you should do this and they don't do it. It's like, well, you know, I'm not losing anything. Like, I'm still hunky Dory doing my own life in my own lane. Like, like you, if you come to me and you ask for advice and I tell you, hey, I think this is what you should do. And first of all, I don't really like giving advice in the first place.
00:23:21 Ryan Lara
Let me just preface that I don't like to give advice cuz.
00:23:24 Ryan Lara
To your point, I don't want that phone call a week later like I did. What you.
00:23:27 Ryan Lara
Said. And this happened to me like.
00:23:28 Darren Goldstein
Does any? Does anybody ever do that though?
00:23:30 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, please do.
00:23:30 Ryan Lara
Ohh yeah.
00:23:33 Ryan Lara
Holy. Holy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:23:34 Darren Goldstein
And then again I'm.
00:23:34 Darren Goldstein
Not talking about work.
00:23:35 Darren Goldstein
Because I know that your work, that's all.
00:23:37 Darren Goldstein
People call.
00:23:37
You about?
00:23:38 Ryan Lara
Well, I have. I have one and I'll give you the example. I have one where they they called me and they said my significant other cheated on me. Like what? Like like I'm so upset and like, hey, you should do ABC and D and then they called me the other week.
00:23:50 Ryan Lara
And I said that was no, I.
00:23:51 Ryan Lara
Didn't do what you said that was.
00:23:52 Ryan Lara
Bad advice. I just cheated on them. Oh, God.
00:23:56 Ryan Lara
That's horrible. Don't do that.
00:23:59 Ryan Lara
Wow. Yeah, that's.
00:24:01 Darren Goldstein
Really crazy. No, I. But hey, it's great for the should talked about that on the.
00:24:01 Ryan Lara
That's an extreme example too.
00:24:05 Darren Goldstein
Podcast. Ohh wait, we.
00:24:07 Darren Goldstein
Are recording so, so but. But man, I mean.
00:24:13 Darren Goldstein
Wow, you just like.
00:24:15 Darren Goldstein
Like my brain is like wide open on this. That's that's really crazy stuff that you've been hearing and a lot of people out there like Darren, what are you like living in a cave? Like a lot of?
00:24:23 Darren Goldstein
All of us have heard different stuff like this.
00:24:24 Ryan Lara
Last last week.
00:24:25 Ryan Lara
We interviewed Creed and we talked about how vanilla.
00:24:27 Ryan Lara
Irvine this is this is where we are.
00:24:30 Darren Goldstein
I mean, look, I mean.
00:24:31 Ryan Lara
Got little?
00:24:32 Ryan Lara
Inland Empire spice from my stories, Darren.
00:24:36 Darren Goldstein
You know it's and man.
00:24:39 Darren Goldstein
Wow, I'm speechless.
00:24:42 Ryan Lara
That's not good for a podcaster to be speechless.
00:24:44 Darren Goldstein
No, no, it's not, but but OK.
00:24:47 Darren Goldstein
So here I'm going.
00:24:47 Darren Goldstein
To regain composure right now.
00:24:48 Ryan Lara
Yeah, well, we'd ask.
00:24:49 Ryan Lara
You the same question.
00:24:49 Darren Goldstein
And I'm going to, well, I I just have a question based on it. OK, so, so
00:24:55 Darren Goldstein
Here's the question.
00:24:57 Darren Goldstein
Do you judge them after they tell you what they've what all the stuff you've just described? Do you judge either one of them? Because because how about this?
00:25:09 Darren Goldstein
A lot of people out there are afraid to like, open up the curtains, open up the closet and let people in to their to their problems being abused, being cheated on being like ohh, he tells me I'm fat or ohh, he tells me like I need. I can't eat anymore. What whatever the hell it is or she tells me this.
00:25:16 Ryan Lara
Of course.
00:25:29 Darren Goldstein
Because and and maybe people out there are going to agree or not agree with this. But I think people out there are afraid to be judged. They're afraid that that's maybe number if we're on family feud. Is that like #1? Like why?
00:25:40 Darren Goldstein
Do people not.
00:25:41 Darren Goldstein
Share what's going on in their relationship #1.
00:25:44 Ryan Lara
Be judged, dude. Crap.
00:25:45 Darren Goldstein
Be judged. So. So again, you you described some really great stuff left me speechless for a minute then. But. But do you judge them when?
00:25:51 Ryan Lara
Ohh thank you.
00:25:54 Darren Goldstein
They tell you.
00:25:56 Darren Goldstein
I think be honest.
00:25:59 Ryan Lara
So I'm going to say yes, but.
00:26:02 Ryan Lara
It's not an initial judgement, it's more of someone comes to me and says, hey, Ryan, this is going on in my life. I need to make a or, like something's going on like this is bad. And what do I do? What do I need to do right now? I'll go. Hey, I you know, if I were in your shoes, I would do AB or C or get out of it or stop talking to that person. Let's say just say a bad relationship. That's the best example. That's what kind of the talking track.
00:26:22 Darren Goldstein
With like a a little bit of a higher.
00:26:23 Darren Goldstein
Dial, but nothing crazy.
00:26:24 Ryan Lara
Yeah, yeah, it's it's bad.
00:26:25 Darren Goldstein
Getting cheating or lying or whatever.
00:26:27 Ryan Lara
Yeah, it's like it's.
00:26:28 Ryan Lara
Like bad? Like, it's not going good. It's going bad for a long time. I think I need to make a change, all right? And so then come that same exact conversation happened six months later.
00:26:38 Ryan Lara
And they're and they're.
00:26:41 Ryan Lara
Like, yeah, he's doing this to me or she's doing that to.
00:26:43 Ryan Lara
Me it's like ohh.
00:26:45 Ryan Lara
Are you but.
00:26:46 Ryan Lara
You've decided to stick around, right? Like you're still.
00:26:48 Darren Goldstein
Do you say that to them?
00:26:49 Ryan Lara
Yes, I'll totally. I'm uh. I put the mark in front of their face. Like if you want advice, I'm gonna put the mirror in front of your face.
00:26:54 Ryan Lara
And a lot of people like that, they don't like it. No.
00:26:57 Ryan Lara
Don't. No, but.
00:26:58 Darren Goldstein
It's admirable.
00:26:59 Ryan Lara
Yeah, and. And I'll tell them like you.
00:27:02 Ryan Lara
Might be mad at me and I want.
00:27:03 Ryan Lara
To talk to me for like a couple of days. But you're going to be like, Dang.
00:27:06 Darren Goldstein
OK.
00:27:07 Darren Goldstein
I mean, those friends are lucky to have you and I think a lot of people out there would.
00:27:11 Darren Goldstein
Say that they're I'm thinking.
00:27:13 Darren Goldstein
People listening, you're probably saying the same thing. They're like, wow, I kind of wish I had a friend because most people are like, yes, people they, you know, or they give the advice and then they talk **** behind somebody's back or whatever.
00:27:24 Darren Goldstein
It is, you know.
00:27:24 Ryan Lara
The the judgment.
00:27:25 Ryan Lara
From my part and by the way, no one should be judging, but it's just human nature. And if you say you.
00:27:29 Ryan Lara
Don't judge anyone like.
00:27:30 Darren Goldstein
100% yeah, you can go.
00:27:32 Ryan Lara
To the front.
00:27:32 Ryan Lara
Of the lying line, but where the judge really comes in for me is like, you know, like, I get it like crap happens and things happen in.
00:27:39 Ryan Lara
Relationship. People fight and whatever else.
00:27:41 Ryan Lara
But where the the the the.
00:27:44 Ryan Lara
Judgment or like the ice squinting really comes in from me, is when you have decided to stay in a bad situation. Now you've made a now you have made a decision. You haven't just been dealt a bad situation. You've decided to live in it. It's comfortable. You like it, it's it's bad and you're.
00:28:01 Ryan Lara
It's wrapped around you like a blanket.
00:28:03 Darren Goldstein
So you would, so you're. So it sounds like a heavy judge.
00:28:08 Darren Goldstein
And I'm not.
00:28:09 Darren Goldstein
Judging you, I'm because but.
00:28:11 Darren Goldstein
I'm the point I'm trying to make and the reason I'm I'm even like the reason I'm even pressing on this is because I think that people out there, like I said, they don't want to say what's going on. Yeah, even to their closest friends because they're afraid of judgment. They're afraid that once they've said they've gotten it off their chest to the friend.
00:28:14
Yeah, please. Yes.
00:28:29 Darren Goldstein
And then the friend, they have a long talk.
00:28:31 Darren Goldstein
Mm-hmm. And then you tell, OK, so let's set up the scenario.
00:28:35 Darren Goldstein
Someone calls you and they say, hey, you know this person cheated this. They lie. I've caught. I've found some texts on their phone. I did whatever. I'm miserable. They you know, they're they're not being lazy. Whatever you have that conversation. This is the first time you have that conversation. You listen to them, you give them advice, you talk for a little bit.
00:28:55 Darren Goldstein
When you text them the next day, how you doing? Checking in they go OK. I'm doing this and doing.
00:29:01 Darren Goldstein
Four months go by. They're still together. Another form. So eight months go by again. Then they call you again. Oh, it happened again. I saw. This is how this is at this. At that point. What with what you just said a minute ago. It sounded like there was some heavy judgment coming from you. Now I'm not saying like I'm not trying to label.
00:29:20 Darren Goldstein
You and be like, oh, my God, you're you judge, and you hate these people and you think they're stupid or whatever it is. But, but that's what people think. People think. They think I'm stupid. They think I'm weak. They think that I'm complacent. They think that I'm not good enough to what I am, which then fuels the fire to stay in, in a bad situation.
00:29:40 Darren Goldstein
And so that's why.
00:29:41 Darren Goldstein
It's cool to uncover right now, not even for you, because I think you speak for a lot of people and I and I and what I'm telling you is I'm just like you. Just like a lot of people out there, I excited, really. I've been asking you all the questions, but for me, I think I would.
00:29:57 Darren Goldstein
There would be.
00:29:58 Darren Goldstein
A form of judgment. There really would be.
00:30:00 Darren Goldstein
And I would probably in that same scenario, for me, I would probably.
00:30:07 Darren Goldstein
I would probably think.
00:30:10 Darren Goldstein
Man like, why are they in there? But you know what? I've been on the planet long.
00:30:16 Darren Goldstein
Enough. And I know you have two, but we've both been on planet long enough. I've seen enough and I really do believe people are stupid. Some are more stupid than others. See, I do know the.
00:30:27 Darren Goldstein
Language a little bit.
00:30:27 Ryan Lara
You learned.
00:30:29 Darren Goldstein
I learned, yeah, I learned, you know.
00:30:33 Darren Goldstein
That's a joke, people. But but.
00:30:36 Darren Goldstein
I have been here long enough to know.
00:30:41 Darren Goldstein
Ryan's laughing at me for being such an idiot right now.
00:30:45 Darren Goldstein
Man, you.
00:30:46 Darren Goldstein
Know the the.
00:30:46 Darren Goldstein
Key to that strategy is is when you say something stupid. If you say more things that are stupid then then.
00:30:53 Darren Goldstein
People don't know if you're kidding or.
00:30:54 Darren Goldstein
If you're serious, so is that working for me?
00:30:56 Ryan Lara
So yeah, no, I I, I I see totally. Where you coming from? From my end. I would disagree with you on the label of heavy judgment. I looked at it the whole time I was telling that story I looked at like a dial and.
00:31:08 Ryan Lara
And you know something bad happens and they stick around and it happens again and they stick.
00:31:14 Ryan Lara
Around and it happens.
00:31:15 Ryan Lara
Again and again and again.
00:31:17 Ryan Lara
The more those bad situations occur with the person that they've decided to stick around with, that's where the deal gets a little more.
00:31:23 Ryan Lara
And so.
00:31:25 Ryan Lara
And the way that manifests in the conversations is when.
00:31:29 Ryan Lara
It's the 7th conversation that they threw a beer bottle at them. It's like, well, you know what, like, you're sticking around like you've decided.
00:31:36 Ryan Lara
To to do that, that's where the that's.
00:31:38 Ryan Lara
Where I think the judgment really.
00:31:39 Darren Goldstein
Starts coming into play now. How serious is that? That like that statement of like, you know, hey, you're sticking around like you're like, is it almost like, don't come to me and talk to me about it again, if you're going to stick around in that situation. Yeah. And that and that's. And that's why that that's The thing is a lot of people feel.
00:31:58 Darren Goldstein
That way, they're like if they're the one.
00:32:00 Darren Goldstein
That's continuing to stay there, they probably feel.
00:32:03 Darren Goldstein
You're like ohh, they just think they're they're thinking. Well, they told me not to stick around. And I did stick around. And I'm an idiot. And I, I, Oh my gosh, I don't deserve, like, I don't deserve all this goodness. Which then? And I know we're beating over the head with this whole thing, but I think it's an interesting subject because a lot of people out there.
00:32:24 Darren Goldstein
Have judgment and and this kind of goes back into who are you hanging around with? Yes. Who's your circle? Because it's.
00:32:31 Darren Goldstein
Like if you if.
00:32:32 Darren Goldstein
You take one person that has, you know, six friends, right and and.
00:32:41 Darren Goldstein
Five of those friends are saying leave them, screw them or screw her or whatever it is, or whatever it is. And then the one friend goes.
00:32:54 Darren Goldstein
What are you going to do?
00:32:56 Darren Goldstein
Like like what do you do? We need to take a girls weekend. Do we need to take a guys weekend? Do we need to go out for dinner? Like do we need to do this? I'm just gonna listen to you and you know what? If you want to.
00:33:04 Darren Goldstein
Ice the I'm going to. I'm going to echo what you're saying and I'm going to, you know, and I think people when.
00:33:10 Darren Goldstein
They're in crisis.
00:33:12 Darren Goldstein
Like you said, you asked the question, do you want me to listen or you want me to give advice? Now when you give the advice when not you, but anyone when you give advice, how are you giving that advice?
00:33:24 Darren Goldstein
Are you giving that advice in a?
00:33:26 Darren Goldstein
OK, I know kind of way.
00:33:28 Darren Goldstein
Where are you and?
00:33:29 Darren Goldstein
And or and I'm saying just overall to to the listeners in general answer.
00:33:34 Darren Goldstein
If you'd like to out there, you know.
00:33:36
And one.
00:33:37 Darren Goldstein
But, but you know what I'm saying? It's like that's the thing. It's like, how are you?
00:33:39 Ryan Lara
There, there.
00:33:41 Darren Goldstein
Giving me advice.
00:33:42 Ryan Lara
A lot of times when I give advice, I.
00:33:43 Ryan Lara
Give like 3 answers. I mean there's.
00:33:44 Ryan Lara
A lot. There's so many.
00:33:46 Darren Goldstein
And that's cool. That's important.
00:33:46 Ryan Lara
The old the the, the old saying is like there's multiple ways to skin a cat, which I never I should look that up.
00:33:51 Ryan Lara
How that came came into play. It's kind of weird, but.
00:33:54 Ryan Lara
But even when you know my job, I'm the managing broker of my office, and an agent comes to me with a bad scenario that's occurred in their transaction and they go, Ryan, what do I do? And I say, well, there's a few things typically.
00:34:04 Ryan Lara
There, there's rarely just.
00:34:06 Ryan Lara
One way to do it, there's a lot.
00:34:07 Ryan Lara
Of ways to.
00:34:08 Ryan Lara
Do it. And so when those conversations come up of what do I do, you know, the.
00:34:13 Ryan Lara
You know he, you know.
00:34:14 Ryan Lara
He or she cheated on me again.
00:34:16 Ryan Lara
Then it's. Well, there's a few ideas or there's, you know, I almost feel like I'm. I'm not talking across from them. I'm talking next to them. And I'm. I'm gaming out the scenario with them. We're we're not playing chess against each other. We're both on the same side and we're.
00:34:29 Ryan Lara
Like, well, we could do this then.
00:34:31 Ryan Lara
This could happen.
00:34:32 Ryan Lara
Or we can do this other move.
00:34:33 Ryan Lara
But then that could happen like.
00:34:35 Ryan Lara
I almost feel like it's.
00:34:36 Ryan Lara
When when I'm giving advice or I'm having a, you know, a crucial conversation.
00:34:39 Ryan Lara
In that regard, it feels.
00:34:41 Ryan Lara
Definitely more collaborative, not like I'm lagging my finger in their face. Like you need to do AB and C.
00:34:46 Darren Goldstein
And that's the great qualities of an outstanding leader.
00:34:50 Darren Goldstein
And and and it is and that's why I know you're a great leader and and sticking to what I like about the way you explain that is back to the relationship side of things. And the friends side of things is that it seems like that's how you take the advice, right? I asked you, how do you give the advice and you're.
00:35:05 Darren Goldstein
Well, it doesn't.
00:35:06 Darren Goldstein
Seem like you're this is bad for you. You need to leave because this is bad and I'm going to hit you over.
00:35:11 Darren Goldstein
The head and make you see that.
00:35:13 Darren Goldstein
There, there's a couple different avenues that you're able to take them down to help them realize what they're doing, right. And so for people out there that that don't ask that are sitting in pain.
00:35:26 Darren Goldstein
Uncomfortable. And they haven't yet told someone. Maybe someone out there listening is going through all of this.
00:35:32 Darren Goldstein
And they're like, wow.
00:35:33 Darren Goldstein
You're really. How do you know what's going on?
00:35:38 Darren Goldstein
I I really feel like.
00:35:42 Darren Goldstein
Space is huge space and and willing to like let go of things. So like, how does someone who is not yet ready to talk about what is the hell is going on in their life and the pain that they're feeling and the turmoil someone cheated on them. They they see someone having an ongoing relationship, whatever.
00:36:03 Darren Goldstein
Like an affair.
00:36:05 Darren Goldstein
How does that person?
00:36:08 Darren Goldstein
Like build a bridge to be able to ask a friend for help.
00:36:12
I think the 1st.
00:36:13 Ryan Lara
Thing is to do things like journaling, writing things down your thoughts in your head are very nebulous. They're just kind of all jumping around in your brain. But when you're writing something down, you have to put into words you have to you have to organize your thoughts.
00:36:28 Ryan Lara
So I think that's a good way to take that first.
00:36:31 Ryan Lara
That, and also the ultimate step is when you actually do talk to someone. Now you're articulating your thoughts, your your organizing, the the what's the nebulous thoughts in your head, and you're you're you have to spin it.
00:36:41 Ryan Lara
Out into words.
00:36:42 Ryan Lara
Right. No, no.
00:36:43 Ryan Lara
Different than right now we're recording this podcast. I have 50 things going on in my head, but guess what? I have to choose.
00:36:48 Ryan Lara
One thing to.
00:36:49 Ryan Lara
Come out of my mouth. So no different than you. Talk to a friend or when you're journaling something, you.
00:36:53 Ryan Lara
You may have to do things going.
00:36:54 Ryan Lara
In your head, but.
00:36:55 Ryan Lara
You're writing one sentence, one word, one letter, right.
00:36:57 Ryan Lara
And I think that's the bridge to get to.
00:36:59 Ryan Lara
Talking to someone.
00:37:00 Darren Goldstein
It's a great, great. I I yeah, I I think that that is is such a good way to do it. I think that's number one and I think #2 spending time alone, yes, I think it's spending time alone and and remembering and you have to get to a point to where you believe that people are not going to judge.
00:37:01 Ryan Lara
What do you think, Darren?
00:37:20 Ryan Lara
I hate people.
00:37:24 Darren Goldstein
That that goes under my.
00:37:25 Darren Goldstein
Umbrella of people are stupid.
00:37:27 Darren Goldstein
You know, I think I think I think and again I.
00:37:27 Ryan Lara
Yeah, yeah.
00:37:30 Ryan Lara
You know what mean?
00:37:31 Ryan Lara
Right, I'm not.
00:37:32 Ryan Lara
Like I hate everyone. Like just I think that there's to your point. There's something special about being alone in your own thoughts, you know, do something. You. You always do every year. Which I was super. I admire tremendously as when you do your business planning for the next year, you go get a hotel room and hang out by yourself and you're alone. Your thoughts, no distractions. You're looking at the.
00:37:49 Ryan Lara
Ocean enjoying your time and you're clear.
00:37:51 Ryan Lara
You're headed that practice you did for your business. Planning could totally be done for. I'm in a I'm in a tumultuous relationship. A tumultuous friendship. My boss does not serve me anymore. My work doesn't serve me anymore. When you're learn your thoughts, you really get to just think.
00:38:08 Darren Goldstein
And and that is the opportunity to slow everything down.
00:38:11 Darren Goldstein
And to and and the biggest thing is like.
00:38:14 Darren Goldstein
You deserve it, yes.
00:38:17 Darren Goldstein
You deserve to be able to be alone and to be able to think to yourself.
00:38:23 Darren Goldstein
And and try the the key is not everybody. Some people are going to judge you. I mean, maybe everybody's going to judge you. But the people that are supposed to be in your life, they're they're.
00:38:35 Darren Goldstein
They're they're not going to judge you to the point to where you know you can't share what's going on in your life with them. And I think that.
00:38:43 Darren Goldstein
Once you realize and you get out of your comfort zone and you start talking with other people, it's going to get you to the point to where you can decide if it makes sense to.
00:38:55 Darren Goldstein
To make a move to make a change to do what you gotta do. But the first part is journaling space and then and then really you have to just forget about the fact that anyone's going to judge you said earlier.
00:39:09 Darren Goldstein
Everybody judges. Yes, there's different levels of judgment. Yes, you know.
00:39:14 Darren Goldstein
But but I think that that's one.
00:39:16 Darren Goldstein
Of the biggest aspects of.
00:39:17 Darren Goldstein
It yeah, so the.
00:39:18 Darren Goldstein
Grass is greener sometimes. Yeah. So.
00:39:20 Ryan Lara
So we I think we flushed our relationships cool, we go to friendships now. Yeah, yeah, alright. So I remember there was a there was a.
00:39:29 Ryan Lara
I think it was. I think it was like within like the first year you and I met, we were. I literally remember we were at Riverside. We're sitting outside a lift coffee off Central Ave. and we're just sitting outside having having you know Americanos were cold brew, whatever and you were talking about friendships and we're talking about you gave this great example and it's stuck in my head since, you know, friendships throughout your life. It's like a train.
00:39:50 Ryan Lara
And people get on and people get off. And so people get back on, you know, after they've been off for a while. And so when you are looking at your friendships overall as as your you know, you have your, your close inner circle, you have your more social, maybe a little low, further out other friends or whatever.
00:40:07 Ryan Lara
How do you determine I'm asking you, Darren? How do you determine when you know what this friendship no longer serves me. We've grown apart or no longer on the same.
00:40:17 Ryan Lara
Page. When do you go?
00:40:18 Ryan Lara
You know what? Maybe the grass is, you know, the side and I can give my attention to someone else.
00:40:25 Darren Goldstein
I think it's just a.
00:40:26 Darren Goldstein
It it's just a feeling like you just kind of realize you you just realize.
00:40:33 Darren Goldstein
Well, here's the the.
00:40:33 Darren Goldstein
Response is I'm I'm not really jumping to the other side. I'm I'm that train that's moving forward in my life, you know and and certain people are going to come on and off the train like I said or like you reminded so well of and I didn't even remember saying that. But thank you. I I I think that works.
00:40:54 Darren Goldstein
I think it's a feeling I.
00:40:55 Darren Goldstein
Think you know it?
00:40:56 Darren Goldstein
Got. I think you know when someone just it doesn't make sense in your life to be friends with that person anymore.
00:41:03 Darren Goldstein
And that's the.
00:41:04 Darren Goldstein
Things you don't close the door. That that's the whole idea of the concept is you. I I'm never closed the door on anyone unless something has happened so.
00:41:13 Darren Goldstein
In a in a bad way where someone you lose trust or they hurt you or whatever it is.
00:41:19 Darren Goldstein
But even then you you just you just move on, you just move forward. Yeah. Is there some baggage and some turmoil you have to deal with as you continue to move forward? Yes. But I think it's a feeling of of knowing that the time is not worth it anymore.
00:41:37 Ryan Lara
Because you're with a friendship.
00:41:39 Ryan Lara
I mean, there's there's no like.
00:41:41 Ryan Lara
True tie. Typically it's you're you have chosen to spend time with this person. Both of you have chosen to spend time with each.
00:41:47 Ryan Lara
So for our listeners.
00:41:50 Ryan Lara
Out there, who may be having that gut feeling, or maybe starting to think maybe this furniture doesn't serve me anymore. And then what do you think are some some red flags or some yellow flags or orange flags or whatever in a friendship where someone might go?
00:42:04 Ryan Lara
You know, I don't know if this serves me anymore.
00:42:07 Ryan Lara
Or versus. Here's the second part of that question I need to I'm going to stick around and fix this like we're going to work on this and and see.
00:42:14 Ryan Lara
It through because.
00:42:15 Ryan Lara
I care about this person, yeah.
00:42:16 Darren Goldstein
I I think it's exactly that. I think you stick around and you try to fix it. If if it's worth fixing and and I think that.
00:42:25 Darren Goldstein
With friendships, it's not about because it whether it serves me or not, I don't mean to sound like it's all about me, and the friendship serves me, so maybe it serves me isn't the exact right word. Some friendships have a season.
00:42:40 Darren Goldstein
And then that season ends, and then that season might come back a year later. Two years later, three years later. And that's what's I think so great about friendships is that there are different seasons, and I think we get too caught up in the idea of.
00:42:56 Darren Goldstein
They're my bestie now, or they're not my bestie at all. Or, you know, this person's my ride or die. This we do went through all this together. I think the more that you can go through life.
00:43:11 Darren Goldstein
Take like really appreciating what you have in the moments that you have it.
00:43:17 Darren Goldstein
That's like the healthiest way to be, you know, and I. And I think with friendships, it doesn't have to be like, so The thing is like, and the older you get, I'm sure people agree with me. Some friends you don't talk to for.
00:43:31 Darren Goldstein
A year and then you meet up for coffee and it's like you. You, you or or five years or whatever it is. And that's kind of what I mean. It's like.
00:43:38 Darren Goldstein
There's there's not. It's not about serving. It's not about anything else. It's really just about is that does that relationship make sense or not? And it's quite obvious. I mean, if if somebody that you hang, if you don't want to.
00:43:51 Darren Goldstein
Hang out with somebody.
00:43:51 Ryan Lara
Now let's talk about these flags. The red flags going well, whatever.
00:43:53 Darren Goldstein
Yeah. The second part of the question is, is the red flags. I think the red flags are if you don't feel comfortable around that person, if you don't feel like you can say.
00:44:03 Darren Goldstein
What you're really thinking, I think if you're putting on a, if you feel like you have to put on a front to keep up with their.
00:44:09 Darren Goldstein
Front I think.
00:44:11 Darren Goldstein
I think that those are the key key things as far as that goes, I think if that person is going to be an emotional drain on you before you even.
00:44:22 Darren Goldstein
Earn before they earn that responsibility. I feel like you have to earn it. It's like I love the bank. I love the bank idea. It's like Ryan, when you and I met.
00:44:33 Darren Goldstein
We, you know, we're trying to do well. I'm trying to do business with you. Right. Correct. We.
00:44:39 Darren Goldstein
Both need each.
00:44:40 Darren Goldstein
Other but I'm trying to get to know you.
00:44:43
Build a.
00:44:43 Ryan Lara
Relationship, yeah.
00:44:44 Darren Goldstein
Build a relationship at that time you have no reason you don't really know me. You you know, there's there's really nothing. It's just, OK, maybe he's he's nice enough, whatever it is. But the minute that you, you give that opportunity and we both get together and we start talking. We're depositing in each other. Yes. You with advice.
00:45:05 Darren Goldstein
Or if if you ask me to call somebody on a business level and a friendship level, you know, so like every time we're doing things for each other or picking up the phone, picking up the phone is big. If people pick up your phone call, especially these days, that's a big deal. Maybe I'm old school, but it's like that. That's a big deal.
00:45:25 Darren Goldstein
So you're constantly we're putting deposits in our friendship and then what happens is is as the years go by.
00:45:34 Darren Goldstein
**** happens. I mean, we're human.
00:45:36 Darren Goldstein
Beings, right? We're all stupid. At least I don't know if you agree with.
00:45:38 Darren Goldstein
That, but I do you.
00:45:40 Darren Goldstein
Know where.
00:45:41 Darren Goldstein
You fall. I don't need to.
00:45:42 Ryan Lara
I got you.
00:45:42 Darren Goldstein
Sit to the.
00:45:43 Darren Goldstein
Second part again, so things happen. I show up late somewhere. You show up late somewhere you someone forgets to call somebody back for a day. Whatever it is, that's.
00:45:54 Darren Goldstein
Taking a little bit.
00:45:55 Darren Goldstein
Of a deposit out, but then.
00:45:58 Darren Goldstein
Over time, you show up on time, you pick.
00:46:00 Darren Goldstein
Up the call you do this you.
00:46:02 Darren Goldstein
Do that and there's constantly an exchange, there's always exchanges going on, there's exchanges going on and marriages and friendships and business relationships, constant transactions.
00:46:14 Darren Goldstein
I'm talking about.
00:46:14 Darren Goldstein
Emotional, physical. All that.
00:46:18 Darren Goldstein
And so I think like getting into the whole friendship thing and red flags is that when you meet somebody, they owe you nothing. It's kind of like golf. It's like what I love about golf is you have to get that damn ball on the hole. Nobody's gonna put it in there for you. Right. And people out there who hate golf or like, that's.
00:46:34 Darren Goldstein
Stupid, you know, but the idea is.
00:46:37 Darren Goldstein
Same thing with a friendship. That's what's so beautiful about friendship is that you owe me nothing. And I owe you nothing. But the fact is, is that you're one of my closest friends and and a business partner. And we have decided that our friendship in this season of life is important. And the deposits that we make in each other.
00:47:00 Darren Goldstein
Are are special and important and cool and so if if let's Fast forward a year in a worst case scenario, you know somebody becomes a raging alcoholic.
00:47:12 Darren Goldstein
Or I never call you back every week. That goes by that I don't call.
00:47:17 Darren Goldstein
You back?
00:47:18 Darren Goldstein
That money is being withdrawn from from the bank. Then you call me for business. I don't call you.
00:47:24 Darren Goldstein
Back. You know, I don't call the client. I don't do whatever. So on a business side, you're like, oh, man, Darren's got $1,000,000 in the bank. He's taking out two.
00:47:33 Darren Goldstein
150.
00:47:34 Darren Goldstein
1000 he's taking out half of it you.
00:47:37 Darren Goldstein
Know and eventually you can always redeposit back in, but if it keeps depleting.
00:47:44 Darren Goldstein
All of a sudden you get to the.
00:47:45 Darren Goldstein
Wait to where you're like. I know this guy.
00:47:49 Darren Goldstein
But he's she's taking out a lot of money.
00:47:52 Darren Goldstein
He's he's he's.
00:47:53 Darren Goldstein
Really taken a lot, a lot out on me. And and it's not feeling good to me anymore. It's not feeling equal, it's not feeling safe and secure in something that that is valuable and and a good foundation. So you know what?
00:48:10 Darren Goldstein
I'm not so happy anymore. I'm ready to kind of move on. I'm not. I'm. I'm time is going to heal all.
00:48:17 Darren Goldstein
That and so I know it was a.
00:48:19 Darren Goldstein
Long winded answer.
00:48:20 Darren Goldstein
But that's the red.
00:48:21 Darren Goldstein
Flags that that that's the best.
00:48:23 Darren Goldstein
Way I can describe what red flags are, is is major, major withdrawals.
00:48:30 Ryan Lara
Makes sense. So we've hashed out friendships. Now let's talk about business and you already started talking about a little bit, but what's time and and it's not, it doesn't have to be real estate related, it could be previous careers or jobs we've had in our.
00:48:43 Ryan Lara
Lives when that flash point occurs, when we go hey, is the grass greener on that other side? Do we need to make a change?
00:48:52 Ryan Lara
When do you know in business or?
00:48:54 Ryan Lara
Job when it's time to.
00:48:55 Ryan Lara
Move or versus.
00:48:57 Ryan Lara
Hey I need to work this out.
00:49:01 Darren Goldstein
I think anxiety is a huge marker. Nightmares, not nightmares. I think anxiety and and emotional well-being because there's when we've talked a lot about this and I know a lot of my partners we we are in a business that is just.
00:49:20 Darren Goldstein
Really difficult. I mean, I'm not saying other businesses aren't, but it's very stressful. I mean, it's very it's nothing's for sure. No, I mean, there are no businesses like that in general, but.
00:49:22
Is it?
00:49:29 Ryan Lara
You're you're taking on a client during one of the most stressful periods on their in their life, and you're also taking on all their drama. Whatever they're dealing with and and quarterbacking that.
00:49:38 Darren Goldstein
Yeah. And so I think people, I've been doing this long enough now to wear.
00:49:44 Darren Goldstein
Certain people.
00:49:47 Darren Goldstein
Look, it's hard. It's not easy for anybody. It's.
00:49:49 Darren Goldstein
Easy for anybody.
00:49:50 Darren Goldstein
Out there to look at a top producer and.
00:49:52 Darren Goldstein
Go like Oh well.
00:49:53 Darren Goldstein
They've got, they've been doing it for this and they've been doing this and they closed 7 deals.
00:49:57 Darren Goldstein
They did all.
00:49:57 Darren Goldstein
This well, they still had to climb up the mountain too, you know, some people get very lucky, but they still had to go through something nobody makes.
00:50:07 Darren Goldstein
High six figures or whatever. A lot. Nobody makes a lot of money without any kind of risk and and commitment. OK, so let's go with that.
00:50:20 Darren Goldstein
It's highly stressful.
00:50:23 Darren Goldstein
For me, I feel like a masochist because it's like it's even though it's very stressful for me.
00:50:31 Darren Goldstein
Highly stressful and it's a tough market right now. It's incredibly difficult, but I feel with feeling all the stress that I feel and yeah, my anxiety is up a little bit, things like that, but overall.
00:50:47 Darren Goldstein
I'm not so terrified that I can't operate and work and call people and do the actions that I need to do, you know, and I and I feel like so, yeah, maybe it's a little masochistic that I feel stressed all the time. And then I'm worried about maybe making enough money or whatever this is.
00:51:05 Darren Goldstein
Going to be or.
00:51:06 Darren Goldstein
This or that are worried about the clients and this and that, but I still love what I do and I'm able to operate on the actions that I'm doing.
00:51:13 Darren Goldstein
That I need to do every day.
00:51:15 Darren Goldstein
So I feel like to answer your question, when the anxiety bleeds over into you not being able to function and do the things that you know you need to do, it might be a good idea to to. The grass is greener sometimes.
00:51:30 Ryan Lara
I agree with you on that point.
00:51:33 Ryan Lara
I was going to, you know what you were talking. I was thinking of what my response was going.
00:51:36 Ryan Lara
To be and I thought one.
00:51:37 Ryan Lara
Of the one of the factors that would come into play for myself when making that decision of is the grass greener on the other side?
00:51:44 Ryan Lara
Do I need to make a change is?
00:51:46 Ryan Lara
Do I feel internally that I've exhausted all options? Have done my best to remedy this situation internally like I I can walk away and say, you know what I've I've done my best in this and I can move on and I was thinking about that in the in the business lens because we're talking about business. But you know what? That applies to everything else we've talked about today, relationships.
00:52:06 Ryan Lara
Replace or friendships. How do you feel like you've done everything you can and you just throw your hands up? You know what, like and you know you know, internally you look deep down inside if you have or have not tried.
00:52:19 Ryan Lara
But have you thrown? Can you throw your hands up and walk away? And so you know what I did and I'm walking.
00:52:23 Darren Goldstein
Away and I feel fine about it. Yeah. And I think that's a good marker of it. The, the.
00:52:28 Darren Goldstein
The difference between.
00:52:29 Darren Goldstein
Relationships and business.
00:52:31 Darren Goldstein
Are the children the same thing as being able to support your?
00:52:34 Darren Goldstein
Family. That's that's the weird contrast because, you know, we you had mentioned earlier sometimes people are in these abusive relationships and and.
00:52:46 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, maybe they should leave.
00:52:48 Darren Goldstein
They should leave if they're in in, in life, in danger, right. But if it's just a mild, that sounds ******* terrible.
00:52:56 Darren Goldstein
A mild abuse.
00:52:57 Ryan Lara
Now it's a. Now it's an explicit podcast.
00:53:00 Darren Goldstein
I think mild abuse, right? I mean, that's how. Oh, my God. I'm not. I'm not laughing at that. What I'm laughing at is that.
00:53:05 Ryan Lara
Moderate abuse. It's like salsa, things like solo.
00:53:10
Oh my God.
00:53:11 Darren Goldstein
Oh, my gosh. OK, Picasso.
00:53:15 Darren Goldstein
Follow me on.
00:53:17 Darren Goldstein
The kids, if somehow they think to themselves or I can make it because the kids, I don't want them to come from a broken home, it's bad, but it's not absolutely terrible. I'm not getting.
00:53:26 Darren Goldstein
Black guys, whatever.
00:53:27 Darren Goldstein
In business, it's like.
00:53:30 Darren Goldstein
I got to support my family.
00:53:33 Darren Goldstein
I'm doing this and I'm working and I'm doing everything I can but I'm not able to make a living. It's like.
00:53:40 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, you could keep doing the things you're doing, but if you don't, if you're not able to support your family, sometimes maybe the grass is greener on the other side. And sometimes I think dreams.
00:53:51 Darren Goldstein
Get in the way of that.
00:53:52 Darren Goldstein
I think that like dreams are just a.
00:53:56 Darren Goldstein
Dreams are.
00:53:59 Darren Goldstein
Achievement killers espanola. So. So.
00:54:04 Darren Goldstein
Sometimes people have dreams and I feel like the grass is greener. Sometimes the grass isn't always greener is like, well, you know, if you have dreams to to do what you want to do, then you should stay where you are. If you have dreams to to have this happy ending with the with the.
00:54:19 Darren Goldstein
Person in the.
00:54:20 Darren Goldstein
Relationship or if you're in the job and you're like, oh, you know, I know I'm not making any money.
00:54:26 Darren Goldstein
But the dream is if I suffer for 10 years, I'm gonna make $1,000,000 and we're gonna. We're gonna buy that house in Hawaii or whatever else we're gonna do, right?
00:54:37 Darren Goldstein
And I feel like.
00:54:39 Darren Goldstein
The dream gets in the way of of functionality in a realistic viewpoint. Sometimes of maybe you should get out. Maybe you should leave, you know, because the dreams is almost like that. Like what you hope happens and the hopes and the dreams sometimes can muddy the water as far as what the reality is.
00:55:00 Darren Goldstein
The reality is that sometimes people aren't meant for the jobs they're in. Sometimes people are not meant to be in the relationships that they are, and dreams and hope.
00:55:11 Darren Goldstein
Really screws that up, you know.
00:55:14 Darren Goldstein
What are your thoughts?
00:55:15 Darren Goldstein
On that you don't.
00:55:16 Ryan Lara
Judge a fish by how it climbs a tree to your point of how how not everyone's meant for like real estate or not. Everyone's meant for lending, for example, to to everything you said. I think that when you talked about dreams, I think that.
00:55:30 Ryan Lara
It it also comes down to priorities. It comes down to are you prioritizing yourself or are you prioritizing your relationship? Are you prioritizing yourself or you're prioritizing your relationship with your toxic boss and your?
00:55:42 Ryan Lara
Workplace. Because there's a difference. And and that's a tough question for some of some listeners probably answer like what's more important to me, me like my myself or my relationship. That's a heavy question. But is it what's more important myself or this this friendship I have? And and that's not it's not you may not like the answer on the other side of that.
00:56:04 Darren Goldstein
That's heavy right there. That is, that is.
00:56:08 Darren Goldstein
Say that again.
00:56:09 Ryan Lara
You you asked me that as I'm chewing ice germ. Thank you. It's priorities. Right. Do you do you prioritize yourself or are you prioritizing the relationship as a whole? It's one or the other. You can't. You can't say they're the same and the same thing when it comes to work. Same thing when it comes to.
00:56:12 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, you know.
00:56:13 Darren Goldstein
It's OK, it's OK.
00:56:28 Ryan Lara
Chips, what are your priorities? You live your priorities, you you look, you're in the mirror. You look in the mirror naked and you like what you see. Guess what you need. You're not prioritizing the gym. You're not prioritizing your nutrition. You are your priorities to the same extent of you are a culmination of all your life decisions and experiences up to this point, no different.
00:56:47 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, and and the hard part about that.
00:56:52 Darren Goldstein
That logic, which it is very logical is.
00:56:57 Darren Goldstein
It's not that simple, even though it is. It's like you know, I remember we watched Forrest Gump with the kids not too long ago, and it's like you watch forest, you know? And he's like in the army. And he's like, it just kind of made sense. It was like a peg that, like, fit right in there, you know, and like.
00:57:11 Darren Goldstein
The dude, just he.
00:57:11 Darren Goldstein
Like they tell me to do stuff when I do it.
00:57:15 Darren Goldstein
And it's like it's kind of like all of us.
00:57:16 Darren Goldstein
It's like we know what we should be doing. How come there's only 1%? There's only 1% people out there that are top producers, right? Or or 3%, you know it it's.
00:57:30 Darren Goldstein
There's not a.
00:57:31 Darren Goldstein
Lot of people doing these truly amazing things in certain industries. That's why you have a top ten sales.
00:57:38 Darren Goldstein
That's why you now look, I'm not saying number 99 or 100 doesn't mean you're making a living and doing anything but, but there's such a large group of people out there that.
00:57:50 Darren Goldstein
That that know what they need to do and they don't do it. And it's so simple.
00:57:55 Darren Goldstein
And all of that kind of muddies the waters as far as what people that's why I love the title of this show is the grass is greener sometimes, you know, because that's like the whole thing. It's like where we think about this. The grass isn't greener, you know, all the time.
00:58:14 Darren Goldstein
Sometimes the grass.
00:58:16 Darren Goldstein
It's greener and that's kind of like every day as human beings. That's what we're always thinking to ourselves. We're thinking in our business.
00:58:25 Darren Goldstein
It might be.
00:58:26 Darren Goldstein
Easier if I just went out and left my Commission job and got a W2 job and a salary or I didn't have the pressure I had or oh, you know what?
00:58:36 Darren Goldstein
My husband ignores me all the time. It feels like I should. You know, I could find someone that actually appreciates me. Or I could find, you know, whatever. This is, life is constantly about figuring out if the grass is greener on the other side or not. And that's kind of the tennis match in our own heads that we're playing every day and.
00:58:54 Darren Goldstein
It's like the.
00:58:55 Darren Goldstein
Reality is, is everyone's keeping that a secret.
00:58:58 Darren Goldstein
Because they're like, oh, I'm not gonna admit to that. I'm not gonna admit that I thought about leaving my my significant other because that's too scary. But what, what if?
00:59:08 Darren Goldstein
You were to talk about that.
00:59:10 Darren Goldstein
Maybe it would make things better. Maybe at the end of this, the realization that I'm having about this subject and this show from us talking about this for.
00:59:19 Darren Goldstein
Who the hell?
00:59:20 Darren Goldstein
Knows how long.
00:59:21 Darren Goldstein
But it's like.
00:59:24 Darren Goldstein
We need to be honest with ourselves. There's really no way to answer the question right? There's no way to answer. Is it greener on the other side?
00:59:32 Darren Goldstein
Or the grass isn't always greener on the other.
00:59:35 Darren Goldstein
Side so there's no way to answer that question.
00:59:39 Darren Goldstein
The I think that the way that we get to where we need to get in life where we're living, our truth is that we need to be more honest and have these real conversations with the people that we trust in our lives. And if you can do that.
00:59:54 Darren Goldstein
Then it's going to kind of save you from more personal turmoil, you know, that's, I don't know if that makes sense.
01:00:01 Ryan Lara
It doesn't it no it to me it does make it doesn't make sense. I I would add on to that, how many people out there and this is a barometer building off your point when people have to make that decision of is the grass greener, is it not? And they're determining, you know, they're they're checking in on their self-awareness. They're looking at, hey, what kind of decision do I have to?
01:00:22 Ryan Lara
One thing I thought of was how many people out there are sleepwalking through life and they're not actively taking a role in their life. And a good example of that is when you get home after you're tired after work, do you listen to your body that you don't want to go to the gym, or do you tell us your brain tell you note this is what we do and we go.
01:00:37 Ryan Lara
To the gym, no matter how I feel, that's a good barometer of where that. Where you lie there.
01:00:41 Ryan Lara
And so are you ruled by your brain? Are you, or are you ruled by your thoughts and your and your direction with what you want to?
01:00:48 Ryan Lara
Versus are you just again sleepwalking through life and you, you may not even realize you're sleepwalking. That's a scary part to me. I think there's people out there who may think they're active in their life and they know what's going on, but they're truly sleepwalking through their life. And they and my fear even going back to the beginning of the podcast when we talked about making the decision or not making the decision.
01:01:09 Ryan Lara
There's people that I feel that, you know, there's no rush to make a decision, but the last thing you want to do is blink in 20 years past and you're still not abusive relationship. You're still in that toxic friendship, bad workplace environment. So I think it's important to gauge yourself and and have that self-awareness of am I just kind of going with the flow? Is life happening to me?
01:01:29 Ryan Lara
Or am I happening to life?
01:01:33 Darren Goldstein
And and on and on another note.
01:01:38 Darren Goldstein
The point and kind of almost like in closing to a certain maybe we're closing, I don't know.
01:01:44 Darren Goldstein
What the hell is going to happen?
01:01:46 Darren Goldstein
But the idea of the train we're a train in friendships, they come sometimes people come on the train, sometimes they jump off.
01:01:57 Darren Goldstein
What about this idea that we are the train and sometimes we come on our own train and off of our own train at the same time and it's like.
01:02:04 Ryan Lara
I love that.
01:02:06 Ryan Lara
I love that.
01:02:09 Darren Goldstein
Its inception in itself.
01:02:10
Yeah, are.
01:02:10 Ryan Lara
You are you the are.
01:02:11 Ryan Lara
You like actively the conductor? Or is it autopilot?
01:02:16 Darren Goldstein
I mean that that that is like and I think that that's a good way to take the pressure off because everyone thinks that every decision they make is so important. You know, it's it's a chain of things. There's not one decision that you're going to make or do in your life that's going to change everything, right. Sometimes that might, you know, maybe if you decide to take a job.
01:02:37 Darren Goldstein
Whatever it might be, but it's it's really it's not one thing, it's a culmination of of so many different things. And that's why I love the idea of the train because.
01:02:48 Darren Goldstein
We are the train and we come off and on there's different seasons. Sometimes you're going to listen to what your brain is telling you to do.
01:02:54 Darren Goldstein
And you're going to follow.
01:02:57 Darren Goldstein
Every single thing that you need to do for a long time, and maybe it doesn't produce the results that you want, whether that's a year, six months, three months, five years, then you might start slipping, you might start breaking into old habits. So then you'd hop off your train.
01:03:15 Darren Goldstein
And you see the train go by. And is that depression? Like where you're like, where you jump outside of your your train and you see it move along and you're like,
01:03:24 Ryan Lara
You've let life pass you by.
01:03:25 Darren Goldstein
Yeah, the the train is just moving. But here's the the The good part about it is, is that.
01:03:31 Darren Goldstein
It circles back around again, you know, maybe train his life.
01:03:36 Darren Goldstein
Train is is our lives, and then we're the wind that's just blowing in and off of it. And like, you know, I don't know. That's too damn deep. I don't know.
01:03:44 Ryan Lara
Like. No, no, it's Steve. It's steep. Not stupider.
01:03:44 Darren Goldstein
We're stupid. I don't know. I can't tell.
01:03:51
Yeah, that's some.
01:03:51 Darren Goldstein
Good gold Nuggets in this one having, yeah.
01:03:52 Ryan Lara
Yeah. No, totally. I I would even say that for those out there who who I I guarantee you there's someone listening out there who just feels like they have let life pass them by or they realizing they are sleepwalking through life and they need to take an active role with whatever they're doing.
01:04:07 Ryan Lara
Guess what, folks? It's not a it's not a diagnosis of doom like you can make a decision this second. This minute right now, to take an active role in your life and get the, you know, take back the wheel and do something about it. It's not forever. Don't label yourself a victim.
01:04:24 Ryan Lara
How many of us?
01:04:25 Ryan Lara
Victimize ourselves off all of our past.
01:04:27 Ryan Lara
Feel yours mistakes. Everyone's everyone's messed up. Well, you already said they are for.
01:04:31 Ryan Lara
Everyone's funked up.
01:04:33 Ryan Lara
You funked up. I funked up everyone's funked up. But what are you doing to to change the narrative changed the the direction of the train.
01:04:41 Ryan Lara
So to speak.
01:04:43 Ryan Lara
Well, I think a good.
01:04:44 Ryan Lara
Gauge of this is throughout the.
01:04:45 Ryan Lara
Course of your day. How much are you thinking about all the negative past traumas you're dealing with versus of positive experiences? You can have the good things like if we were focused more on that and and and really focused on dreaming big and achieving good things and and wanting good relationships, good friendships.
01:05:03 Ryan Lara
If you thought about that more during the day.
01:05:04 Ryan Lara
Then all the bad.
01:05:05 Ryan Lara
Stuff that's going on you'd probably.
01:05:07 Ryan Lara
That would be one big step in transforming your life. But again, are you in a position to do that?
01:05:12 Darren Goldstein
Yeah. I I I think.
01:05:13 Darren Goldstein
Really, at the end of the day, people.
01:05:18 Darren Goldstein
Be bold.
01:05:19 Ryan Lara
Be bold.
01:05:19 Darren Goldstein
Be bold. Do not be afraid to have a conversation with someone that is, that causes a little bit of friction to your partner, to your spouse, to your friend.
01:05:33 Darren Goldstein
To your boss.
01:05:35 Darren Goldstein
You know, I mean, I think, Ryan, so if you had an agent approach.
01:05:38 Darren Goldstein
Issue and I mean not not an aggressive manner, but if there was something on their mind and they they talked to you about it and it wasn't there was a there there maybe there's a different viewpoint there was something that was bothering them that was on their chest. Maybe they've been thinking about it for four months and you are just going about your day trying to run an office.
01:06:00 Darren Goldstein
And they talked to.
01:06:00 Darren Goldstein
You about that what's going to happen?
01:06:03 Darren Goldstein
And it's not, it's not. They're insulting you or they're they're they're they're saying. I'm just saying if if there's some kind of foundational thing that they're really struggling with, like, if it's money, a split, if it's something. I mean, if it if it's anything, right. Something someone in the office is a certain way and they come to you and it's not an easy conversation to have.
01:06:25 Darren Goldstein
Is that death on a death sentence?
01:06:28 Darren Goldstein
Or or what what comes of?
01:06:29 Ryan Lara
That, yeah, I fire them. No, just kidding. No, I I think it's. I think it's a lot of digging deeper and and typically what I tend to find is if there's a, if there's a pressure point in their real estate business, there is most likely a pressure point somewhere in their life.
01:06:45 Ryan Lara
Outside of business that is causing and bleeding into real estate.
01:06:49 Ryan Lara
So I think a lot of times it's a conversation. It's just it's just sitting down with someone and and flushing it out. So we'll come in and being, you know, hot being a nine out of.
01:06:57 Ryan Lara
10 and and being.
01:06:58 Ryan Lara
You know I.
01:06:59 Ryan Lara
Can't believe this happened earlier and it's really about hearing them out. First of all. Well, first thing you need to do is word vomit, like that's typically what most people do. Then the next piece is.
01:07:09 Ryan Lara
Really digging into the problem and is it the split? Is there something else going on in their life? Is it? Is there a contractual issue like whatever that whatever the the flavor of the month is that that?
01:07:19 Ryan Lara
Is, I think, meeting them at their, you know, at their level or bringing them down like, hey, chill like, this is what we need, what we can do.
01:07:27 Ryan Lara
To figure it out, it's so critical.
01:07:29 Darren Goldstein
And what I love about your response to that is that for everyone out there.
01:07:33 Darren Goldstein
In a business sense, Ryan's the boss essentially right. So So what? He says. From that standpoint, I know it's not just for the podcast, this is a real truth of what he's talking about. Talk to people about stuff. Yes, when it when it makes sense and when it really is important to you because there's no point in sitting there and torturing yourself.
01:07:53 Darren Goldstein
You know, worrying about things, just talk about it. Be bold if you're going through pain in a relationship.
01:08:02 Darren Goldstein
Like Ryan said, take the time to write it down. Try to get yourself in order, but talk to somebody about it. Be bold, like, don't be afraid that someone's going to judge you. And if they judge you you, that means you can tailor somebody out of your life.
01:08:17 Ryan Lara
Fortune favors the bullet.
01:08:21 Ryan Lara
We'll wrap it up there, folks. Hope you. Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy days for listing. Hope you enjoyed the podcast. Please like subscribe 5 stars, please. We appreciate that. Share it with a friend. Word of mouth is quite the fastest and the most explosive way to blow this podcast up, so we appreciate you sharing with a friend or someone you think could.
01:08:41 Ryan Lara
Benefit from listening to this, so thanks everybody. Take care.
01:08:44 Darren Goldstein
Take care.