How to Protect Your Energy This Holiday: The W.A.I.T. Method Explained

Holidays can feel bright and beautiful—and also busy, overwhelming, and even demanding. In this episode, you’ll learn a simple four-step tool to help keep your center steady in any room, no matter how anyone else shows up.

We’ll walk through real-life holiday moments so you can see how to easily apply the W.A.I.T. Method on the spot and move through the season with more grace, kindness, and peace.

You’ll learn

• What W.A.I.T. is and exactly how to use it step by step
• How to choose a simple “why” so you stop chasing perfect and feel more present
• Quick self check-ins that calm your nervous system and reduce reactivity
• A one-line intention to anchor your energy at dinners, parties, or while traveling
• Micro time-outs that help you reset without drama
• Plus, my favorite practical comfort tips—from conversation helpers to a tiny travel kit

Show notes

NAMI Boundaries Tips sheet 

 https://www.nami.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/BTS-Setting-Boundries-Guide.pdf

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Transcript

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Joy. Hey, beautiful soul, welcome to spirit. Speak Easy. I'm Joy Giovanni, joyful medium. I'm a working psychic medium, energy healer and spiritual gifts mentor. This podcast is like a seat at the table in a secret club, but with mediums, mystics and the spiritual luminaries of our time. So come behind the velvet ropes with me and see inside my world as I chat insider style with profoundly gifted souls, we go deep, share juicy stories, laugh a lot, and it wouldn't be a speakeasy without great insider secrets and tips. You might even learn that you have some gifts of your own. So step inside the spirit speakeasy. Hey, beautiful soul. Welcome back for another episode of spirit speakeasy. Today we are talking about how to protect your energy this holiday, the weight method explained, holidays can be so full of sparkle and warmth, but also full of expectations and obligations and energetic overwhelm. So today we're talking about protecting your energy during the holiday season, and what you can do for you. We'll explore the simple weight method to stay centered and aligned no matter what is happening around you, and I'll walk you through a few real life holiday scenarios to help you move through this season with grace, kindness and a strong set of soulful boundaries and hopefully even a little peace and joy for yourself this season. So first I'll explain the method, and then we will walk through these real life examples to help you see how to apply this method to whatever shows up for you this holiday season. And then we will end with some of my best, simple tips and tricks to ensure that you set yourself up to feel comfort and ease. So what is this weight method? This is actually something I've been doing for many years, and I just especially for this episode, condensed it into a method, but it is something I've been working for myself and with clients for many, many years, and just didn't necessarily title it as something official. So wait, is W, A, i, t, the W is for what or why for this event. The a is, ask yourself, it's like a self check. In the I is intention for your own energy, and the T is for timeout. So let's go through each of these. You can get a better understanding, and then I'll work some examples with you. So W is for what or why. This is your most basic intention for whatever this holiday encounter is that you're going to apply this to. It can also be, why are you going like the most basic feeling or thought, this is your reason, and you shouldn't have an attachment to anyone else's need or for anyone else to need to be showing up in a certain way. Sometimes I think of this. I'm going to go through some like deeper examples, but just a quick one for your what or why. I have a friend who's kind of struggling back and forth with whether to go to a family gathering just around the corner this holiday season, and their most basic what or why is that their grandma's getting very senior in her years, and they really don't want to lose these last potential opportunities to spend time with her, to make her smile, and to just be around her while they still have her. So that is the type of basic what or why we're talking about as we work through this weight method together. The a, again, is ask. It's about asking your truest self, your physical body, if you have any resistance to this event that you're having to go to this dinner, whatever it might be, or if it's realistic what you're hoping for, or what your basic intention is, this is like a self check in where we're asking our body, our younger self, our heart, our intuition, really, just how do we feel? Is there resistance rising up that we need to work through? Because the truth is, even if we put on a smiley face, if we are having resistance that's not acknowledged, people can often get the vibe from us that we're standoffish or don't want to be there, even if that's not our intention at all. Which brings me to the eye of this weight method. I is for intention, for how you want to hold your own energy, for this encounter, this party, this dinner, this is about you and how you are agreeing to show up for yourself. It's not about any other person. So no matter how they behave, those other people at these events, you can hold your intended emotion or energy or vibration, and you have permission to leave if you need to as part of this now, T in this weight method is for Time Out. This is about giving yourself permission to take a timeout anytime you need to. And I actually highly recommend taking several timeouts throughout the course of if it's a day long party or event, or even if it's a dinner for a couple hours, to take several little bitty timeouts to process, to exhale, to reset your energy, to remember your intention, or maybe even your what or why, or even just to ask yourself if you need to leave or if you can return to that original energy. It's about taking a little breathing space to do that check in that we talked about, which we keep working through this process even as we're at the event. So I want you to imagine yourself as your own big sister or Big Brother or your own best friend for this method for this holiday season, in some ways, this tool is actually a boundaries exercise with ourselves, and the truth about boundaries is that they're actually an agreement we make with ourselves, totally independent of how anyone else shows up or behaves. Brene Brown, who you all know that I love, defines boundaries as the way she says it is. Boundaries are the limits you set for yourself that define what's okay and what's not okay for you and how you will respond to protect your integrity and your well being. Boundaries guide your actions. They don't force others to change. So you kind of get the vibe of where we're going. And I'll also leave a link in the show notes. I found this really nice boundary setting guidelines sheet created by Nami, which is a National Alliance on Mental Illness. And it's a nice little printable, if you want to print it, or just a little mapped out kind of colorful sheet. So I'll make sure to put that in there as well. But I just want to give you a little bit off of that worksheet, a little excerpt. The Nami really defines boundaries in a little bit of a different way, they list out the three types of boundaries so they have physical, which is just what it sounds like, physical or spatial limits for yourself and for others that you interact with. They have emotional or mental boundaries, which limits maybe topics of discussion or validating our own personal emotions through prioritizing our own needs, and they also limit, create boundaries for time, so limits on the amount of time you decide to dedicate to people during this season, or the time that you're going to spend at an activity or an event, maybe something like that. So as we're working through this, I just want you to keep this boundaries idea somewhere in the back of your mind, because you'll start to really see how you might feel in these scenarios. I'm going to give you in a minute and this handout details, among other things, some of the things that boundaries can look like for you as a personal preference, I guess, a personal boundary. So I'm going to just give you a few of them. But again, I'll put that worksheet in the show notes. Boundaries can look like, not discussing topics that make you uncomfortable or feel too personal. They can look like not accepting hugs from the first time you met a stranger, right, and asking that you prefer a fist bump instead. Boundaries can look like only sharing private personal information with people you trust. It can look like having a set bedtime or downtime or exit time that you're going to leave by. It can look like reserving a time in your day for self care. Maybe some people go to your family gathering super early in the morning and spend the whole day and maybe you realize, oh, I really do need some time to myself in the morning, so my boundary is that I'm going to show up at only an hour before dinner, whatever that might be. And it can even be something like physical, physical touch or holding hands. Maybe, you know, some families do some version of like prayer or gratitude or blessing, maybe you only hold hands with people that you're comfortable with. So boundaries are totally individual to you, but as you start thinking about your boundaries, most of us, historically are not even taught that boundaries could be a consideration for us as individuals around our family holiday time. So I just want to float that idea to you, because it is sort of in the background of this weight method. So the weight method is also about remembering that this is about the energy you are bringing to this holiday season, any specific gathering or event, and really managing your own needs and taking care of yourself. So for example, as a guest, if you were going to a holiday gathering, can you bring calm intentions instead of dreading the gathering? Right people feel the vibe that we walk into a room with if you're cooking a meal, can you stay soft and nurturing instead of in this anxious perfectionism that we can all sometimes get if you are the host of a gathering like a party? Can you vibe with ease and acceptance? Instead of needing to be in controlling energy, I don't know about you, but I can't think of a holiday event or dinner or gathering that I've ever been to that has been exactly perfect, or maybe exactly to what I thought that it was going to be right my own expectations, but as I thought about it, I know that we can all refocus our own intention. I can get my basic intention or desire met by myself, and I can show up definitely how I want to feel, and despite how anyone else's behavior is presenting or how they're showing up. Everyone has their own stuff, right? Can I be in grace and just letting that go and refocusing on what I want to focus on and how I want to feel? So let's go through some real life, specific scenarios so you can really see how this weight method can work for you and can be applied. I know sometimes with methods, it can feel a little bit confusing, or like the concepts are too big. So that's why I really want to go over these with you, because I feel like we can all have a happier, better, maybe more joyful holiday season for ourselves. So let's work through some of these scenarios so you can see how they apply the first scenario, and I'm going to work these with you from kind of easiest to hardest in scenario. So let's see which of these might apply to you this year, which of these you can even see yourself in, because these really are some real life examples. The holiday dinner is my first scenario here, and the scenario is that you're cooking the dinner and hosting some extended family. You're the one doing it right. And this one always makes me think of my bestie. Their family is quite a mix. There are some complicated personalities and complicated relationships. Certainly, they bring different beliefs and different religions and different values across the board in the mix that she ends up having for her holiday dinners. But the people themselves are close family members, so I'm going to work this W, A, I T for this scenario. Okay, the what or why, the W, her basic Why is to one love her big, crazy family and really give her kids the holiday memories that she only dreamed of when she was growing up. As part of this one. You should probably also know that she always thinks of it like her favorite holiday movie, which is that National Lampoon Christmas vacation. If you don't remember that movie, I watched it yesterday, just to remind myself the whole scenario. It's a crazy family. They're messy. Some of them are weird. Some of them bring uncomfortable behaviors or attitudes. The house catches on fire. It's a mess. And at the end of the movie, everyone's relaxing comfortably. Ah, another wonderful, crazy holiday in the books, right? So that's sort of the vibe she's coming in with. That's her what or why. It's to make these memories, even messy ones for her kids to last because she didn't have that opportunity when she was growing up. Now, the a the ask, she wouldn't really identify it quite this way, but I can tell you because I've known her almost 30 years now, her inner child is excited and just so grateful to have the beautiful family that she does, and to bring her kiddos all together. They're not always all together these days. So her asks, she wouldn't necessarily ask her body or ask her inner child, but I know that she's filled with excitement rather than resistance, because she is so focused on making the memories and making the dishes and doing that part of it now the eye of this weight method is the intention. She has said that she thinks of the feeling at the end of that movie, like I mentioned, when everything went wrong and people were crazy, but it was Christmas, and that's part of what makes it special. And like all of the family that we all have, not perfect, right? She also has, for many years now, had this awareness, the way she says it is, these are the best years of my life, and I'm never going to get them back. And so the time is now. So that's also part of her intention. She doesn't hold this perfectionist idea kind of out there for, oh, one day we'll have the perfect holiday, or getting stressed about how everyone else shows up, she really focuses more, like I said, on her what or why, which is this feeling of wanting to create memories for her family and for her kids, and the intention that she wants to hold is, yeah, even if it's messy, and even if this one talks about the thing I asked them not to talk about, this one is Eeyore is like Debbie Downer. It is what it is. And my intention is just to know that these are my best years, and I never going to get them back, and I'm enjoying myself. And the time is now. Now. Tea in this weight method is for time out. She gets time alone during the season with her dog. And watching her favorite movies. She doesn't seem to need time alone on the actual holidays themselves, because these are her super bowl so I don't know if that's how you are. She doesn't need little breaks and time away. But as the host, if someone else needs a break, like a guest, for example, needed a break, she'd have no problem with them popping out into a guest room, going into the bathroom, taking a walk, dipping out early, whatever they needed. So kind of think of yourself if you're hosting, right, not just as what you need and the breaks you might need, because, yeah, that's important. If you are hosting and things are really chaotic, you might need a five minute coffee break or some deep breaths outside for just a minute if it's getting too steamy in the kitchen. But remember, if you're the host, we also need to consider our guests, and so perhaps for for that tea time out, some of it's about creating space that a guest could steal away in. I keep thinking of her house. They have a kind of a family open kitchen lounge area, and then they also have more of a formal entryway where there's some seating there. So if it's that's how your home is, or if they're little different seating areas that someone could pop into or take a timeout for themselves, maybe part of what you're wanting to create are opportunities that other people could take a timeout, or realizing that, if your intention is just to enjoy yourself, that maybe it's fine if someone needs to leave early or is feeling overwhelmed or wants to be a little bit quiet. Okay, so let's move on to this next scenario. The next example is a holiday party. So in this scenario, you are a guest at a work based holiday party or gathering, and you're brought by a friend or a significant other, so this is not even your party. So I had a client that every year would go to a company party that they did not enjoy. It was their partner's company, and the holiday party was an obligation. And the truth is that they found the other people there, whether it was the co workers or the co workers partners, my client found these people really pretentious. They felt like they were always bragging about their watches or their ski trips or their kids, private school, whatever, and there was no real conversation or real connection. But this party was important to their partner's career, and their partner really valued the moral support of them being there so they would go. So when we worked these steps, even though it wasn't a method back then, when I was doing it with this client, the what or why underneath for this client was to support and show up for their partner, while feeling like they could also show up for themselves. So that was their most basic why, that they were going to show up and support their partner, but also wanting to show up for themselves. Now, A is for ask. They were pretty lit up when they checked in with themselves around, feeling like everyone there was being fake and they were being expected to play their game. And that was lighting up some anxiety in their body, and also some feelings of times that they remembered in their past where they were kind of asked to not be themselves, or to kind of play this verbal game that sometimes people do at parties or these type of events. And so they were feeling some resistance in there, this client in particular, just also was not a game player, and so they found the environment, and also the way that they said it is the corporate greed vibe. They found it really gross and repulsive even, and they identified that as the main source of resistance they felt. Now, sometimes that's the resistance we have, and it's just about knowing how we actually feel so we can choose our intention accordingly which we're going to come on to next. But just know it doesn't mean you have to be perfect. You could go into this event feeling like, yeah, I don't love these conversations and the vibe of these people, but what's my why? Oh yeah, I'm going to support my partner, right? So, but it's important that to recognize the resistance or the true feelings underneath and just ask yourself, check in with yourself. So the intention, W, A, I, the intention. They decided that their intention was to play a different game. This was kind of fun, actually, to see if they could manifest reindeer showing up across their path throughout the course of the evening, which they decided was kind of the energy or the mood of casual play. And I said, like, how do you really want to feel at this party for yourself, kind of casual and kind of playful? So we decided, okay, well, we're going to ask the universe to get reindeers across your path. You could do it as chocolates or snowflakes or something that you find fun. And if it's not a winter time or a holiday time when you're doing this, maybe it is beach umbrellas, and you might be surprised how things can show up. So the intention of the energy that they wanted to hold at this party was casual play, and they wanted to feel kind of a little bit fun. But. But a fun in a way that wouldn't take too much focus or energy and that wouldn't feel fake. So that was their intention, casual play. Now the timeout section of this W, A, I t, if you're at a big, glitzy holiday party, how do you take time out? They were actually able to take little breaks throughout the evening's event to focus on things like admiring the venue. This particular holiday party was held on kind of like a big, nice building in a downtown area with like a beautiful skyline. And so they were able to take some breaks and just kind of wander away from the conversation groups and and look at the lights of the city. And they also were able to they reported back on a bathroom break. They decided to kind of wander off and check out some of the decor in the adjacent hallways of this fancy building. There was some nice artwork around. And they also decided to create an agreement and a signal with their partner, so that when they felt like they only had 30 minutes left in them, and then they needed to, like, leave. They could kind of give their partner the signal from across the room. Their signal actually was like the two finger bunny ears or peace sign, and they just kind of would like wave it a little bit gently at their partner from even across the room, and that let their partner know, okay, my partner has only 30 minutes left. So whether that happens at the two hour mark of the party or the five hour mark of the party, it's their signal to each other of like, okay, 30 minutes left. Let's start making the goodbye rounds, because remember, this party is a work obligation. So their partner was obligated to go around and shake the hands and kiss the bum bums and all the things. So that is how the the creative ways that they used their timeout. I thought that was a really genius strategy. Okay, the next real world example I want to come on to for the weight method. Remember what or why. Ask yourself intention and timeout. This next one is about a holiday like visit or travel if you're staying with, let's just say in laws, hypothetically that you don't know very well. Out of town, we're going to talk a little bit about navigating travel and shared space and rest needs or differing routines, that kind of a thing. So this is actually a personal example that I'm using. When I was a young adult, a much younger adult, I went to visit someone. I was seeing a partner that was already, quote unquote back home with family. He was there helping with the family business. And I went to visit for this holiday. And he had, I just want to give you the setup a little bit on this one, he had previously asked, like, not long before this, to bring me to a sibling's destination wedding that the whole family was going to. And the family, the parents, really had said absolutely not. And the words that they used was that she's not anyone. She's you can't bring her. So that's how we were going into this holiday travel and visit with the I guess, technically, like the in laws, the parents of a partner or a friend that I didn't know very well at all. It was a little awkward going in Okay, so I could easily identify my what or why. And actually, I was working this energy with myself in some ways, even back then, and this was many, many, many, many moons ago, my real intention, or my why, or my what underneath was I just wanted to see my partner. So that's my W for Wait, what or why, I really just wanted to see this person. Truly, I didn't even care if it was a holiday or not. It just was a good excuse to go there instead of just, oh yeah, she's gonna come see me for no reason when you don't want her here. So the holiday was a little bit of an excuse, but I really just wanted to see this Partner A and wait, ask. Okay, so I did check in with myself, and I knew I had a lot of anxiety around feeling like I might be rejected, not accepted, not approved of, since they kind of already were not seeming so interested or approving of me already, but I wanted to see this partner anyway. So I decided, okay, well, I'm gonna, you know that old adage, feel fear and do it anyway. So I was going anyway. They said I could come and even though I felt awkward and like I probably was going to be totally rejected and not approved. I was going anyway, but that is how I felt intention. So what was the intention of how I wanted to show up or how I wanted to hold my energy? This was so long ago that I didn't know anything about intention or holding my own energy back then, but if it were me now, my intention would be probably something like smiling observer to kind of lead with calm kindness, but keep my spidey senses available to notice the energy or the dynamic or the subtle signals. Since all of these people were new to me, and they had quite a big extended family in their community, that there were lots of people I was meeting and. Coming and going, and so I probably would have wanted or intended with i to hold my energy at more of a smiling observer type of a vibe, so I could really notice the subtle signals and energy and dynamic of everyone and everything around from a place of playfulness, though not from like fear or anxiety. So if I could go back, that is what I would tell my much younger self, smiling, observer, right, calm, kindness, but spidey senses on and tea for timeout again. I didn't have this method back then, but I could have definitely made sure to take moments for myself to kind of go get something out of my suitcase hypothetically, or get some fresh air. And I do remember, I did take every opportunity to, like, go for an errand. You know how sometimes that if you're staying for like, a weekend with someone, there's little opportunities for like, oh yeah, we're gonna go put gas in the car, or we're gonna go pick up XYZ that someone forgot. I was going on all those errands with whoever was going I wanted to go. So those were my little timeouts. And feeling helpful, something else I also sometimes will use as a trick for like a timeout, if I'm at someone else's place, is volunteering to help, volunteering to clear the dishes, or volunteering to wash the dishes, volunteering to reset the table. It is a little break, and it just gives me something to do. And helping out has always seemed to kind of calm my anxiety. I can't quite remember if it was this time or if I'm blending this in my memory with another time, but I think this might, no, I think this was this time. I think someone else in the more extended group has kids, so sometimes, as part of that, I would go, you know, read a book to the kids, or something like that is a little bit of a timeout. So, and when unusual circumstances came up during this time away with family that I didn't know very well, things like, you know, new foods, because they had a lot of foods that were not things that I was accustomed to eating, or very strong personalities with they had, which they had, or unusual circumstances, like they announced that there would be separate bedrooms happening with my partner, which is fine, that was their house to respect, right? So if I was in the situation now and those like unexpected little pivots and things were coming up, I could go back to this weight method pretty easily. W, A, I T, what or why? Ask yourself intention and time out. Okay, so the next scenario, there's this one and one more, and again, we're going increasingly harder. So, oh no, wait, this might be the last one. Okay, so the last scenario here is you're spending the holidays alone, because I know that that happens for some of us. We think of the holidays as a time of togetherness and being with family. But what happens if you don't have family that's local or close by, or you don't have family at all, or perhaps you've lost someone significant, and are going to be spending the holiday alone in the scenario example I'm going to give, I you guys, I never will forget the first Christmas that I had alone without my kiddos after my divorce. So what or why? W for weight at the time, my what or why would have been just to get through this little holiday season by focusing on things I could still enjoy. So my what or why would have been like just getting through and you know, sometimes that's what we have, and we have to start where we are and be really honest with ourselves. So that was my what or why. Let me just get through this holiday season without my kiddos and without going into tons of detail, I can just tell you that this was one of the hardest little periods in my life. Just in general, everything was really rough, and the loneliness that I felt and the aloneness was palpable like I could feel the quiet without my kids being there, and it was just a really challenging time. So my what or why was just to get through it. Ask, ask myself. My entire being felt sad. This was so palpable that I can still remember it, even though it was more than well. It was probably about 20 years ago, maybe not quite so my entire being felt sad and disappointed and numb, and I just decided to be kind with myself and easygoing and give myself permission for some grace, if possible, like I let myself have some snacks that I maybe wasn't normally having. So I did know how I felt. I asked myself back then, even without this tool, and that is how I felt. I for intention. How did I want to focus my emotion? What energy did I want to hold? So even though I didn't have this exact tool, I was already deep in my personal development by this time, learning and working with myself and starting to tip into understanding. Understanding stepping out of victim mentality and owning my own energy, owning my own responsibility, or how I wanted to feel. So my intention, really, of how I wanted to feel, was just to kind of distract myself from this overwhelming, deep sadness and focus on things that I could still enjoy. Because the truth is, I do enjoy the kind of the vibe of the holiday season, when things are a little darker outside and there's so many lights and decorations and different music pouring out of different places, the songs I love, the special feel of the city I lived in, la at this time, this feeling of just being able to focus on the decor and the nostalgia of the feeling of holiday, was my intention, right? Because I'm just getting through and I could tell you the truth is, in something like enjoyment, which might be what I would try to do today, enjoyment felt really far away. I didn't think I could get to enjoyment or happiness, but I knew I could appreciate some of the traditions and nostalgic elements, right? So timeout taking time for myself. Well, I was pretty alone, so timeout is going to look a little different for this one. So hopefully you start to see how you could maybe see yourself working this in different ways, somehow, I still did manage to do this timeout. It was a timeout from my loneliness, really. I accepted a last minute invitation from a friend I had in LA whose family was not in LA and they were not going to go home for the holiday season. They asked if I wanted to go to a movie. And I remember thinking, Okay, I could go to a movie. We were going to go to a movie in Hollywood. And I do love Hollywood, especially. One of the magical things about this holiday days is that certain places like Hollywood Boulevard are very quiet. So I really love Hollywood when things are quiet as well. So I was like, Okay, I could muster getting myself together and putting on some pants to enjoy some some lights in the city and to go see a movie. I can definitely do that. And what actually happened was that we ended up at a place in LA on Hollywood Boulevard called the El Capitan. If you don't know what this theater is, it actually turned out to be kind of a magical couple hours of a timeout for me. This theater is owned by the Disney company, and during the holidays, I don't know about these days, but back then, they would show kind of a holiday classic. I think it was, what's that one? Where it's like Ghost of Christmas Past, Present and Future. It was that one. I can't believe. I can't think of the name of the Ebenezer Scrooge movie right now. But as part of what they did there was this, like, cute little snack pack, which, whatever. That's fine. All movies have snacks, but when you go into the theater and sit down, it's a very old historic theater, so there's already some interesting things to look at, but the actual like, costumed performers come out and they do a little bit of a performance and a dance, and there's music and everything before the movie, before the show. There's a show before the show, and then they also made it snow inside the theater, which, full disclosure, I think, was like bubbles or something, but it was so cool. And I had never seen anything like that. And I have, I do have a little bit of a special space in my heart for Hollywood and LA, especially not growing up in California. So it ended up to be something really cool and magical that came out of just me agreeing to take a timeout from myself and go to this movie. And I don't always have the best memory for things, but this is a special little carved out, almost like a snow globe in my memory of that couple hour time. Now, of course, you know, we can take time outs in all kinds of different ways, but that was my time out that I did manage to have, even though I didn't realize at the time that I was doing the weight method. So you can hopefully see with those examples how the weight method W what or why. What is your basic intention here for the time? Ask, ask yourself, How are you feeling? Do you have any resistance in your body, in your younger child, your inner self, in your emotions, and just acknowledge intention. What's the intention of the energy or attitude you want to hold for yourself? And tea for timeout, permission to take little timeouts and check in. Okay, so now let's talk about how you can support this work even more and set yourself up for a very meaningful experience, hopefully filled with ease and nurturing for yourself with some of my best tips and tricks that I have kind of collected for myself over the years, a little planning goes a long way some of these tips and tricks I learned on Some of these things we've just talked about. So it could even be something like to do with the clothes that you're going to wear to this dinner or event, if it's a more formal event, is there a way for you to also be comfortable? Do you have to wear the itchy sweater, or could you wear something that's a little cozier and still look put together, right? So some. It is even about setting yourself up in a way that you're going to feel comfortable and nurtured. Maybe you don't need the heels that pinch your toes, and you could go for like a chunky boot instead, or a flat. If you're unsure about the temperature inside aunt Betty's house for this holiday dinner, make sure that you are going to wear layers, because maybe it's going to be too hot and maybe it's going to be too cold, dress in layers to make yourself the most comfortable, or bring along an extra sweater in case it's drafty and freezing in there. So that's the first little tip, is making sure you're really considering what you're going to wear or bring beforehand, so that you can be comfortable in just what you have on. Probably no one's looking at your shoes. Now another tip is maybe the inner child version of you is having some resistance to this event. Maybe you realize, okay, this is just reminding these younger versions of me who still live inside of me times when we had really miserable holidays, and I'm just feeling some resistance to going and sitting through this dinner, right? So what could you do for this little inner child? Maybe you could tuck something in your purse or in your pocket that makes you feel joy or reminds you to be playful or find amusement. It could be a little figurine or a tiny little Christmas ornament that you just kind of tuck and take with you. It could be something like a fidget spinner, those those toys that kind of occupy our hands, or a little bit of clay that you can just kind of play with. Silly Putty was the thing when I was a kid. But there are many more options now. It could even be something as simple as like a flat pocket stone, or the kind that has a little indentation, like a worry stone that you can just rub if you're feeling anxious or bored and if you don't have pockets. You could even wear a bracelet or use a bracelet that has beads that you could kind of take off and feel or move around. A little pro tip, a little extra credit bonus tip with this one is you could think about wearing like a unique PIN or brooch or a scarf, or even like a pocket square that, if you got really bored, your inner child or your younger self, could have creatively made into 1000 playthings. I have definitely played with, you know, if I wear a scarf, I've definitely been at an event where I've played with, like those tassels that hang off the end of a scarf through some really boring, monotonous conversations. So our inner children, especially those of you that are kind of 35 and older, we made games and play out of some stuff that wasn't necessarily designed for play. So what can you do for that inner child and you to bring a little joy or a little something to occupy your attention, maybe even a little Rubik's cube or something? Okay, this next tip, perhaps you want to feel your soul self or your spirit guide, or your loved one on the other side with you, and maybe you can do something like tuck a little, tiny photo or memento that reminds you of them, or even a penny in your pocket, so that every time you put something in your pocket, you touch it and remind yourself that heaven is only a touch away, or that your guides are there with you, even if You're not feeling them because you're distracted by the things going on, something tangible, a touchstone, if you will, that when you feel it or see it or know it, you can remember, okay, you are here and say a little internal Hello. Things you can do just inside of your self. Okay, another tip or trick or tool here is you could even do something like a phone call at a certain time from your very best friend or from maybe even just someone that's not as good of a friend that just has the time to do it that day, who can give you kind of an additional check in or even an excuse to leave if you feel like you're ready to go. So for example, maybe you're going to go to a dinner that starts at two, and so you're expected to get there at two, and everyone stays until 10pm but you feel like, oh, man, I'd really if dinner is going to be at two, I'd really like a check in by around like five or six to see if I if I'm really needing to go after the dinner. And then maybe your best friend just shoots you a call, and you say, oh, excuse me, I gotta just step out and take this quickly. And you have a even if it's like a 32nd chat, you could very easily say, Oh, guys, you know what? I'm so sorry. I've got a dip out. Or you could go just to the host and say, I'm gonna have to leave there's been you don't have to say an emergency. You can say there's something urgent I have to attend to right? So kind of pre asking someone to give you a call so that you can have just a little extra someone to check in with, or a time to make an excuse to leave if you need to. I really, this is, again, my little planning goes a long way, just in case, just in case, and then maybe that'll settle you a little bit, because you'll know, okay, I have a possible on ramp here at five or six o'clock, or off ramp in case I'm ready to go. Now, another way to approach this as another hack or tip or trick. Maybe you could bring something with you to create conversation, depending on the company, of course, here, so kind of use this. Creatively, maybe there's a fun deck of cards with like easy community building type questions, no racy questions or questions that are going to set things off in a less than peaceful direction, but fun questions, right? What was your first, I don't know, pet what? What was your favorite holiday treat as a kid? What's your best holiday memory? Right? There are some fun topics. And if you can't find a card deck like that, you can even just use the magic of the internet and create a little fun List of 10 questions or something, in case it gets dull, or in case you're meeting someone that you're wanting to get to know and it's awkward, you say, Oh yeah, I made this really silly list of like fun questions to to ask someone. Let me get it out right. So setting yourself up to not feel awkward, or to have something else to do with the group, to offer, like community building, or even just a few people of a bigger group who might want to kind of break away and do something, or play some cards or something, if you know how to play cards, you could also bring a deck of cards. Another little tip is if you tend to be anxious around new people. So along the same lines, consider thinking about a couple of neutral topics that you could comfortably talk about, or even think about several good, open ended questions that you could ask others so that they could talk about themselves. It really is true that people like to talk about themselves, and if you prepare just a little here. One, you might not feel as anxious. But two, for me, I sometimes freeze when I'm feeling on the spot of like, oh, actually, I don't think I have any hobbies, or I don't have any more questions to ask someone. And again, we're not wanting to create any drama or conflama. We're just really wanting to give ourselves a way to make it a little smoother. So it could be something like a popular movie or a show that you could talk about. It could be a hobby that you have that's interesting, or learning about other people's hobbies. Maybe you're going to ask them about what they do in their free time, and free time and try to figure out their creative hobbies. It could be something you recently learned, AKA a fun fact. This is something I used to do when I was younger. I kind of always had a little list of like fun facts. Think of it like, if you if you liked Snapple back in the day, when you those glass bottles when you pop the top, the top used to have a little weird, fun fact or interesting detail in it. So maybe you can have a little list like that in your phone or in your pocket of just fun facts in case the conversation gets dry or weird or, you know, something to chat about with people, so you don't feel so awkward or on the spot. Another tip is depending on the event, like a dinner or travel or a half day event, you might do this a little differently, but you could also consider bringing along a change of clothing. So for example, if you'll be at somebody's home and the dinner's more formal, and you know you're gonna have to stay a long time, but you know you would probably be comfortable staying that long time if you had, like, a cozy sweatsuit and some slippers. Maybe you can pack this along for yourself and, just like, leave it in the car in case you want to stay longer. Obviously, if you're staying the weekend, you might be able to dip away and get something out of your suitcase to make yourself more comfortable. At the very least, I would consider bringing some weather appropriate walking shoes in case you want to just take a little walk around the block. Maybe you'll get lucky and somebody has a dog that needs a walk, and you can go on a little walk that way if you need a break. But if it's somewhere that has weather or snows, you're going to want shoes that are appropriate, that are waterproof, or that you could even kind of take off and get wet. So maybe, at the very least, consider bringing some extra shoes with you and just leaving them in the car, if that's possible, or even a little bit of a bigger bag, and just kind of shove them in its own little bag inside there. Maybe as another suggestion, if you have a favorite tea, I just got a new favorite tea at a little witches tea event that I went to for Halloween a few weeks ago. If you have a favorite tea that you really love or that makes you feel comfortable, maybe you could even consider bringing enough to share so that if anyone else wanted to try it, you could offer it's kind of a fun little thing, or you could do it just for yourself in a couple little tea bags, or something for yourself. So it's something that you know makes you feel cozy, makes you feel like you're getting a little special time out for yourself with your own special cup of tea or your own special type of coffee that you like. For example, it's okay to bring a little something along for yourself. So another one on this list that I have, if you're going to someone else's house, please be sure to bring a pair of socks in case it's a shoe free home and you don't want to like be disrespectful and refuse to take your shoes off if it's your house. This is something I do buy my I'm gesturing where my front door is by my friend. Door, I have this kind of vintagey suitcase, and it's open, and inside are these different fun, brand new, rolled up cool socks. There's one with like dinosaurs, there's one with, like, cheeseburgers. There's just some fun socks, and some of those hotel kind of disposable one use slippers, because I don't like people bringing yuck from outside into my house. So if you're gonna come in, I want you to take off your shoes, but also I have this cozy little options for you of socks and slippers and things. So if you are the host, think about putting out a basket like that of socks and slippers. Or maybe someone's traveling in and it's raining unexpectedly and their socks get wet, just something to make sure everyone's cozy. But if you're going to someone else's house, I would definitely consider bringing a little pair of socks for yourself, just in case you want them. For those of you out there, like me with special dietary needs, I suggest always bringing a couple little, small and hidden snacks. You don't want to be rude. We don't want to make anyone feel like their food was being judged, or you know that they didn't provide something for us? But if you know you have dietary needs, instead of expecting someone else to make things that will meet those needs, because most people are so overwhelmed that they're not even thinking about that, tuck a couple extra snacks, and when I did what I was telling you, I went out of town to see that partner and their family, this is where I learned about needing to bring your own snacks, because they just didn't have I was in a guest room. It was very uncomfortable to go downstairs to the kitchen for something. It kind of I felt very awkward about that a lot of the meals that they were presenting were lovely, but it was just things that I was not accustomed to eating. And so while I wouldn't be rude and I would take a couple bites of things, I also could not eat them. So I was very hungry on that trip, so I learned tuck a few little hidden snacks in your bag. There are lots of snacks that are small that you could just bring along. I kind of think of it as like something to get me through right for those couple hours. Or you could also offer, or just show up with a dish, like a baked good or a snack to share with everyone, even if you didn't ask and you just showed up with it as an offer, of, you know, a gesture of kindness, or where I'm from, usually bring something when you go to someone's house anyway. It could be flowers, but it could also be something yummy that meets your dietary restrictions that you could have. So that's a way to kind of get around making sure you get to eat a little something. Have a couple more on this list. So I always recommend having a personal playlist on whatever platform that you use. I like to set those up in advance, because you're not gonna be able to set up a playlist when you're at an event, right? But if you could set it up ahead of time and tuck some little headphones in your pocket, have a personal playlist, downloaded audiobooks ahead of time, maybe downloaded podcasts, maybe this podcast, if you've missed any episodes or a movie, these things can be a lifesaver. You do need to download them ahead at home when you have plenty of time and good Wi Fi, I've noticed sometimes these things download quickly. Sometimes they take a really long time. I've made the mistake of trying to do it in the morning before travel before, and that never seems to work. So I usually have it on a list, and it's something I'm doing when I'm like, doing the laundry to make sure I have the things for my trip, for example, I'm also making sure I download things I want to listen to, and a pro tip something familiar for when you want comfort, right? So I would have one download that's like, oh yeah, that's my favorite movie that makes me feel so comfy, I could always watch that anytime. I also would recommend having something long and dependable. I call them my sleeping movies. I've traveled places, and sometimes I'm just so uncomfortable, or maybe I'm rooming with someone else, and I like to have a movie that is long and I've watched a million times so I can just fall asleep during the movie. So something familiar, something nice and long and dependable, and something that makes you feel like, Oh yeah, I wanted to watch that one. So it'll feel like exciting when you're getting to tap in for these downloads and bonus points. If you find something that has a lot of seasons that you wanted to watch. I've definitely done that for international travel, for example. Just found something that has like, a lot of seasons that I wanted to watch, because then it's like, oh yeah, I have plenty to entertain myself with. One of the other kind of rules in these tips that I have for myself, Know thy travel self is the way I want to say it. For example, when I go to Disney, which is just like a little over an hour for my house, I pack in my little backpack or my bag. I pack an extra bag full of things for my travel self, is the way I think of it. Of course, I do this on longer hauls or flights, or even if I'm just going to someone's house for a handful of hours. I bring my own little tiny version of, like a Mary Poppins situation. It's a kind of like to get me through for a couple of hours. Bag for you that might be very. Little or very different than mine, but I'm going to give you kind of a little rundown of what's in mine. I have medications, so for me, that would probably be like a little tiny travel size thing of Advil in case I get a headache. Sometimes you just don't want to ask for those things, or they might not have those things. And sometimes on holiday, stores are closed, so you might not even be able to, like, get those things, or maybe you don't have your own car there, so you there's really no way to get these things. So for me, it's something like Advil, some motion sick medication. I get really motion sick, an inhaler that I might need if they have pets or mold or any of the things. I usually bring a little tiny bit of allergy medication. Whichever one works for you. I like zyrtex. It's drowsy, and that's what my doctor says I should have but check with your own doctor or which one is best for you. I also like some version of, like a tummy calmer. I almost never use it. This could be like a ginger chew for you, or something like a kind of Pepto II type little tablet that you take to kind of settle your stomach, and even just one tucked in, most of these things come in like little single serving pouches now. So this takes up very little space. I also this might be TMI for some of you, but I also like to have a little tiny bit of Imodium, just because I do have tummy problems, and I never know when it might be a real problem. So plan accordingly on that I always try to have two tampons in case I drop one or lend one I have an extra one. I like a couple of those little blister band aids, which has come in handy, and I've been able to give it to a mom whose kid had like a blister from jelly shoes at a theme park. So I like just even one or two of them, because I have picky feet, and sometimes shoes that never gave me blisters before will give me a blister so and they're so little and flat. I also really like to have one or two of those. They're called salon POS. It's like a lidocaine patch that you stick on your low back or any your shoulder, anywhere that you're having pain. I really like to just always have a couple of those tucked in my bag or backpack, I would say, make sure you test it ahead if you're going to do something like that, if it's appropriate for you. And also, I have really sensitive skin, so sometimes it's why I like that particular one. For me personally, because I've tried others, and I have a reaction to the glue, the adhesive, because it like sticks on as like a to make it warm or comfortable, or whatever the thing does, but sometimes I'll have a reaction to the glue, so test it ahead and make sure you're having no reactions to the glue if you tend to be sensitive. Also, little snacks, like I said, that meets my dietary needs. Those are always tucked in there, something that would just get me through a couple hours. And this is in addition to whatever is already in my purse. I already would have, like, Chapstick and tissues and a pen and a couple things like that that just are in my purse anyway. So this is like an in addition to if you weren't going to have access to the things you might really need, it's just kind of like your own little personal emergency kit. Know that travel self, okay, if you're bringing children with you, or if you know that there's gonna be kids there, definitely bring some kind of an entertainment bag, whether that is electronic entertainment, or whether that is toys. Or when my kids were little, I sometimes my son had this phase with Hot Wheels, and you can get them out, like the dollar store, like two or three for $1 back. Wait, this is a very long time ago, but I would always have a couple of brand new ones that he didn't have yet, because that would give us a good 30 minutes to an hour of entertainment. So if you have kids, definitely think about bringing some version of like an entertainment bag, so that you can kind of pull out different little things for them if they're old enough, maybe little tic tac toe games or something fun that they could just be entertained by. And I really want to know if you have your own tips, because I think over time and trial and error and just life being messy, we each kind of get our own little list of tips and tricks and things we do if we're going to travel or if we're going to go to someone's house that we don't know very well, or something like that. So I would love it if you have your own tips, if you would share them in the comments wherever you're watching or listening to this. So we can all learn from each other. Because after all, it's one of the best things about community is we can learn from each other. So as you move through this holiday season, remember your boundaries aren't walls. They are bridges to bring you back to peace within yourself. They are gentle agreements with yourself about how you'll show up, how you want to protect your energy, how you can honor your own needs. And I really hope that you will take this weight method with you wherever you go, trust your own rhythms and know that you deserve to experience this holiday season in a way that really feels good for you and nourishes your soul. And remember, wait, W, A, I T, what or why at the most basic level, ask yourself how you're feeling intention. How do you want to hold your energy or emotion and time out make sure that you are getting a little. Timeouts or breaks to check in again and go through the steps again. If this episode resonated with you, I would love it. If you would share it with someone who might need the reminder. If you know someone who is going on a trip and has been already telling you or like to an in law dinner or a cooking dinner for a family event, and they've already been telling you they're stressed out about it, please share this with them and again, check the show notes for that. Nami boundaries guide and the helpful tips there until next time, take care of your own beautiful energy and keep shining your light. Big hugs. Lots of love. Bye for now. From inside, Spirit speaking fee you.