Spirit Speakeasy

Mini Reading and Powerful Signs from a Son in Spirit with Helping Parents Heal’s Amy Sanders

• Joy Giovanni • Episode 147

Share episode

If you have lost a child, or love someone who has, this tender conversation is for you. In this episode of Spirit Speakeasy, you’ll sit in on a mini evidential mediumship reading for Amy Sanders, San Diego chapter leader of Helping Parents Heal, and hear the powerful story of her son Brandon—and the many ways he continues to make his love and presence known from the spirit world

Brandon crossed at 28 after accidentally ingesting fentanyl, yet from the very beginning he sent Amy undeniable signs that he was still with her. Those signs, along with community and spiritual tools, helped carry her through some of the darkest days of grief and into a new sense of purpose supporting other parents.

In this episode, you will hear about:

  • What an evidential mediumship reading looks and feels like for a grieving parent
  • How Brandon’s journey with addiction, recovery, and service continues from the other side
  • Amy’s amazing and undeniable signs from Brandon (including personal stories that’ll knock your socks off!)
  • Practical ways to notice and trust signs from your own loved ones
  • Amy’s gentle suggestions for moving through intense grief and finding purpose
  • You’ll walk away with a full heart ❤️

🌟We also talk about Helping Parents Heal, an incredible international organization dedicated to supporting parents whose children have passed, and the safe, spiritually open space it offers for each member’s unique healing journey.

🔗 Resources mentioned:
Helping Parents Heal: HelpingParentsHeal.org

Join me Live on Zoom for my Free Monthly Community Healing session! You'll receive a blend of Reiki (Energy Healing), Chakra & Aura Clearing & Balancing, Color Healing, Grounding, Cord Cutting, Trance Medium Healing & more. 

Get all the details & Sign up now to receive the link and replay for the next session! https://www.joyfulmedium.com/Events

Get Joy's Free "Sign Magnet" 3 Day Mini Course HERE https://www.joyfulmedium.com/sign-magnet
Joy's Website: www.joyfulmedium.com
Instagram: @JoyfulMedium
TikTok: @JoyfulMedium
Facebook: @JoyfulMedium
Facebook Group: Joy's Soul Spa
YouTube: Psychic Medium Joy Giovanni

Unknown:

Joy. Hey, beautiful soul, welcome to spirit. Speak Easy. I'm Joy Giovanni, joyful medium. I'm a working psychic medium, energy healer and spiritual gifts mentor. This podcast is like a seat at the table in a secret club, but with mediums, mystics and the spiritual luminaries of our time. So come behind the velvet ropes with me and see inside my world as I chat insider style with profoundly gifted souls, we go deep, share juicy stories, laugh a lot, and it wouldn't be a speakeasy without great insider secrets and tips. You might even learn that you have some gifts of your own so step inside the spirit speakeasy. Hey, beautiful soul, welcome in for another episode of spirit speakeasy. Today, I have something very special for you. I'm gonna do a mini mediumship reading, and then we are gonna hear from the person I'm reading for her name is Amy. She is the chapter leader for the San Diego chapter of a group called helping parents heal, which is a parents bereavement organization. I'm going to read you Amy's bio. I'm recording this intro and outro A few days later because I didn't have Amy's bio. I talk about it in the episode. Most people don't know this, but a couple times a year, I am grateful and lucky to get to do group readings for the helping parents heal organization to help them connect with their kids who've crossed over to the spirit world. And I don't like to know anything about any of the parents before going in, so I haven't heard Amy's full story. So she was willing, and I thought it would be a beautiful experience for her to have a mini reading and for her to share her story with us. So I'm going to read her bio now and then once we start the episode, in just a couple minutes, I dive right in with the reading. So this is Amy's description of what happened. She says that day changed her life forever, march 21 2020 when her beautiful son, Brandon, 28 crossed over to the other side after accidentally and fatally ingesting fentanyl, the signs from him from across the veil were immediate and strong. She felt strangely blessed at the most terrible time of her life with the intense pain denial and guilt that overtakes every parent in this situation, she found herself searching for the answers to the sometimes unanswerable questions that face us all, no matter the circumstances. From that day, she's been on a growth journey, immersed in all things spiritual, which has included many resources that she's found through helping parents heal. And from day one, her son has been with her and her family and close friends, showing up in so many undeniable and remarkable ways that she feels compelled to help others find their way as well. We all move through this at our own pace, she says, in our own way. And it can be work that requires dedication, but the reward is a beautiful connection with their kiddos. So I'm so excited to have Amy and of course, helping parents heal is an incredible organization that she will share about, and I will link it in the show notes. If you have lost a kiddo of any age, any stage, any time ago and in any method, helping parents heal is an incredible organization that also has resources. So even if you didn't want to attend meetings, there are plenty of resources for you to have. And I'll link there helping parents heal.org and the website in the show notes, so you can find that and you can also share it with someone that you know that could potentially use this resource. So without further ado, let me show you this mini reading and introduce you to Amy Sanders from helping parents heal essentially. First, I will start by just telling you a little bit about how I read, and we'll see if we can do just a little mini reading. And then I'll chat to you. You sort of know how I work already. You know that I the style of mediumship I practice is called evidential, which means that's my intention for your loved ones to share specific details about themselves so you can recognize them. You know that they'll choose however they want to share. Some will share personalities. Some will help with details memories from their life. Some will talk about things going on in your life, really, all I need from your side in the reading segment here is just to say yes, no, or I don't know, as I give you the details, you know, don't feel stuck in a box. You could speak to me, but try not to finish the stories for me, really, is all it is. I'm so excited to have you here. Now. I have met you a couple times before, so I have met your wonderful son on the other side before. So I'll try to be honest about what I already know versus what's new info. I mean, you'll know what I already know just from having met you in a group reading before. You feel okay about all that, sure, okay. Let me just kind of move my awareness and we will see where we. Are going to go now I know that your son's name is Brandon. I feel like, does he have a really strong sense of humor as part of his personality? Because you and I have been having a little tech glitches as we're getting on here, and I can feel this emotion of him like laughing and teasing you and giving you a hard time. You understand that part about his personality is he sometimes, in his past, someone that helps you with the tech side of things, and is like working on tech things for you occasionally, or setting up speaker systems or something like that, a little bit, because it just feels like he's joking with you about still learning technology and all of that, which I think we're all still learning technology now. I know we've talked about Brandon's passing before. I know it's traumatic and tragic in the way that it happens, but I want to say this piece that I don't know. I do already know that he has a substance challenge as part of his life story, but I know he reaches this place where he feels very stable and strong to me after an addictive period. Do you understand that part about him? Yes, because there's just this feeling of like so proud the family rallies all together to help him over this period of time. And he's acknowledging other members of your family too, and just wanting to put so much love around how no one ever gave up on him. Do you know what I mean? And he's acknowledging that there's times when he's actively in in this addiction, that he's not the easiest is that, fair to say, and that he's he's kind of hurting people's hearts with the behavior, because we all care about him so much. Do you know what I mean? Yes, some. But then there's just this sense with him also, of that he has so many strong people in his life surrounding him that really cheerleaded him and supported him, and the way he's giving it is like helped him believe in himself when he couldn't quite see it. Do you know what I mean? Yes, you have some sit down talks with him when he's really there's this feeling with him of like, then he decides he's going to very strongly pursue his recovery. Do you know what I mean? Yes, I feel like we're all stubborn in our own way, but I want to say he's making a very clear point on the timeline of like I decided to believe in myself, and then everything changes. Do you know what I mean, yeah, yes. But then in that little time period where he's just starting to get on his feet and get stronger. Do you have a couple like pep talks with him, where you're sitting down and telling him how amazing you see him from your perspective? Yes, there have been a few times because there's just this feeling in there of like to see yourself through his eyes, and to see his potential through your eyes really starts to shift something in him. Do you know what I mean? And then I know he goes through his own recovery journey. I already know this about him, and I know he gets what the way he's showing it to me now is, like, incredibly stable where, like, he is speaking to other people about recovery. You know, this piece of his story? Yes, because he feels really proud of this, is this a good like chunk of years that he's feeling strong and and helping in the world? Three, three years? Yeah, it feels like it's a good, like solid chunk of time for him. And there's just this feeling of, you know, he's not a prideful person, I have to say that, but there's this sense of, like feeling good about doing good for others. Do you know what I mean? Yes, and he does. He like I want to say he pretty regularly. It feels more than just like a 12 step meeting scenario, but I feel like he's pretty regularly speaking in front of other people and helping other people. Does that make sense of the way I'm saying it, not necessarily in that way that I know, let me, let me just work with it a little. Is that okay? Sure, okay, because I know he's going to his own, like some version of recovery meeting or counseling or something like that. Is that true? That had happened? Yeah, for a period of time. And then there's this feeling of him, like reaching a handout and helping other people with his story and his experience. Does that make sense? Yes, no, that definitely happened. I just want to make sure I'm getting it right for him, because, yeah, we found out he always gonna say, oh, after the fact, okay, that's fine, because that's the other thing is, he's he has this humble side of him. Do you know what I mean, that he like, I feel like this is him his whole life. Though, from the time he's a kid, it's like you're hearing from teachers about, like, oh no. He's very good at helping. He's very well behaved, but he's not like coming home and telling you what a good job he does as a kid. So I'm not entirely surprised that we're finding out after the fact so much help that he gave to others, just because it's not something that he would highlight as like, Hey, pay attention to me. I'm doing good. Do you know what I mean? Right? He has this very hum. Heart with him, I have to say, does he have a faith in a higher power himself? He did because there's just this feeling with him of feeling his own, like personal, spiritual connection in some way. Can you understand that? Yes, even that feels very private to me. Though, do you know what I mean? Like, I don't think he's announcing it to the whole public I feel like it's his own private relationship, his own private study of his faith. Is that fair? That is fair. And there's just this feeling with him of wanting to acknowledge without we won't go too much into it, but you have a faith yourself. Yes, we, I mean, we spoke a lot about what we thought it all was okay, because there's just this sense with him, wanting to acknowledge that you know, even in these years, that he's been gone, that you are pursuing your faith still, and it's it's changed, maybe, but there's a deepening there for you. I know we talked about that. We're going to talk about signs. I don't know what your signs are, but let's see if he's going to give us some. Because I feel like this, what I'm starting what I'm starting to see. The other thing is, he keeps showing me these beautiful rainbows as like this feeling of peace and everything's gonna be okay. I don't know if that's one of the things that you already are aware that he's sending you, but I have to tell you, it is one of the things he's sending. Don't mean to tell you, just give me a yes or no on that one, yes, okay, not always, but there's a specific one. Okay, I'm excited to hear about that in just a minute, but there is this feeling with him of lots of little signs kind of sprinkled in throughout your day, and little hellos from him, and little I have the sense that he's getting his name across your path, and I know that you're a grandma, which is insane to think, because you look like 40 years old, but do you have someone in the family that's like a namesake for him, or part of his name is in their name? Two people? Yes, okay, because he feels very, very excited about this. And a sense of, I know that you know this, just because you know a lot of this, but he does spend a lot of time with the kids that are in the family. He is so good with kids. You know that about him already, I'm sure. But there's this feeling with him, of like, sometimes I feel like I'm better with kids and animals than I am with like, step up adults too. Like, just can be a little more himself. There's this playful aspect to his personality too. I have to say, Sure, I could feel him like wanting to, like, throw a ball with kids as an adult. Do you know what I mean? And connect is part of his helping mission in the world, to help kids, kind of at an age where they become a little more susceptible to addiction. You mean now on the other side, or before, before, it was more of people he knew that he helped keep them clean kind of okay, because there's just this feeling of him being able to identify like people that are more susceptible or more at risk, and wanting to like, spend time with them and Take them out of their, you know, zone where they might be alone or feeling depressed, and get like, time with them, go pick them up, or talk to them, or he just is that kind of friend who's not going to let someone else slip into the quicksand. You know what? I mean, such a weird way of saying it, but there's just this sense with him of it's almost like wanting to pay it forward, because so many people helped him when he was in tough spots. Do you know what I mean? Yes, he has this really beautiful way of staying in non judgment, too. I have to say he feels like one of the least judgmental people on earth. He can feel someone's struggle and know like even details about the depth of the dark places they go, and he can hold this, like, neutral love in his heart for them. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, really, it's a really special part of him for as, like, masculine and guy's guy that I always feel him, he has this really sensitive side of him that I wasn't aware of. Yes, definitely. And one of the beautiful things I know about Brandon is that, as his mom, I know he tells you he loves you and he wants to, like, give you a hug and be sweet with you. I don't think he's over the top with it, but there's a sense of like, you know, that this young man loves you, yes. What a special guy. Even I know he has a sibling as well. And even with his sibling, it's this feeling of like, yeah, we tease each other, and we like, Give each other a little bit of a hard time here and there, but at the end of the day, we know that we love each other, you know that piece of it. And there is just this feeling with him, of of, Oh, interesting. He's indicating that as we move towards the end of the year that there are some things shifting for you that he's pretty excited about. Are you kind of reorchestrating your schedule a little bit, or something changing for you in your day to day life? I'm yeah, I'm working on some things that's exciting. This is a strange question, but is there a part of you that's been thinking about writing? Some version of his story. Yeah, I just just sort of have issues getting it going really, yeah, okay, but you've been thinking about it. I have, yeah, because it's him encouraging you. And the encouragement here is, it's okay to start with the light memories. It's okay to start with the tender, more happy memories, and then go into the difficult memories in more of like a boundary time. So maybe we're only going to spend an hour, you know, writing about the hard things, but then remembering the light things. There's this other feeling of you and he has writing partners, so I don't know if you sense him around you when you're thinking about this. I think you sense him around quite a bit, because you're very sensitive as well, and know how to sense Him. But there's just this feeling with him, of like, when you're ready, there's no rush, but he is encouraging you crazy loud car outside now, which is I feel like a double confirmation of him, like, yes, like, and just this sense of you know, you're helping him to carry on his mission in the world by sharing his story and by being so brave before this happened, and you were part of the helping parents heal group. Were you not necessarily as much of a public speaker or comfortable talking in front of like groups of people when I'm when I know my topic, I'm fairly comfortable. There's been an evolution of it, but I'm pretty comfortable. I think it's this evolution that he's wanting to highlight of just how much more you've stepped into the fullness of yourself, and he feels really excited about it, this this writing piece just feels like a new level of that. And he's also indicating that your perspective, through his journey, is maybe more important than you realize. As a mom, he's, I mean, I think we know this to be true, but he's indicating that so many parents look inside and think like, what did I do, right or wrong? What did I not see? And he's saying you have so much healing to offer just from sharing your story, that there's this feeling of blending his story with yours. And I almost wonder if there's some version of it where you're telling like, his version of the story, and then alongside like, and this is what I was experiencing in that period, is that some whatever you're thinking about, it's interesting angle. Yeah, yeah, that is, well, I'm just gonna offer that to you, because that's how I'm receiving it. But just this feeling with him, of wanting to give you a kiss on the cheek. And have you been looking through photos kind of recently? I mean, I my mom, I'm looking at him right now, okay? Because I'm like, there's just this. I could feel him smiling at you, and it's like he does have this, I know he's an adult, young adult man, but he does have this like boyish quality to him. Do you know what I mean? And just this sense with him of I think you know how much he loves you and how much appreciation he has for the way that you can hold him, also in non judgment. Now, I know in the very last part of his time here, it just feels like there's some more challenges that rise up for him. You understand that piece of it? Yes, okay, I feel like I think he's communicated to you through many mediums. So I feel like he's given this apology before, but there's just this sense of sorry for the way that that part works out, but so much gratitude that you don't, that you're not mad at him, that you don't have any judgment for him, that you have found in this time, that he's been crossed over a way to he keeps using the word forgive, even though I'm not sure that that's quite the right word. Do you know what I mean? It's definitely part of the journey forgiving yourself and finding some grace for the whole experience, the whole experience, yeah, and I think this is part of the sensitivity of him. It's just he feels things so deeply, and he can go to such a tough place within himself. Do you know what I mean? And as someone who, as I mentioned, is like such a good friend and so helpful of others, I know that one of his challenges is he's not the best at reaching out for help. Do you know what I mean, right? And he just has some apologies around that, because he's indicating that like, No, I have the most supportive family that would come anywhere at any time to help me with anything, but he's wanting to take the responsibility for that piece of it, and I just keep feeling him wanting to give you a big kiss on the cheek. Do we have a Do we have a birthday just around the corner for someone in your family, the more extended family? Yes, okay, he's just so excited about this, and wanting you to know, have we been, have we been kind of trying to plan a little bit of, like a celebration, or get together or something, it's on Thanksgiving, okay? He feels very excited about it. And there's just this feeling of, you know, he's come to forgiveness with a lot. Of elements in his life too, and just feels very happy that we can all come together as a family, no matter what we've gone through together, that we are finding a way to he's using the word reunify. Can you understand that? But he also puts you as like the heart of the family, and it's through your leadership and your grace that you can find for people that you show everyone else. The way to do this is what he's saying. And I'm not entirely sure who this person is, but the way he's giving it is like, Mom, I'm so proud of you. So it's, yeah, it's a it was a challenging relationship at one point, and I, you know, tried to do my own work. Yeah, it was all entangled with him too. It's a whole story. But yeah, so it's interesting that that that came up. Yeah, that is interesting. And there's just a feeling of, like him giving you a pat on the back and saying, like he's just so proud of who you've always been and and who you continue to become so well. Thank you for thank you letting me spend a little time with him. I just think he is amazing. I do. I do too. I'm sure, I'm sure you do. He just always feels so so loving and sweet and such a mom's boy. Basically, yes. Now I know we talked about sharing that I met you through a wonderful organization called helping parents heal. I part of the work that I do with the group is I come occasionally and do group readings for the group, but I I make sure that I don't stay for the part where people share their stories, because I don't want my information to be colored. So that's kind of why I wanted to do a little reading for you before you shared your story, because I don't know your story true. I would love it if you would share a little bit about that with us, sure. Well, um, so Brandon was 28 when he passed, and he had had a history with addiction, but he was very high level, and so he never missed a day at work or school or anything like that, you know. And it was, it came in these three year increments. It was three years. And then three years, okay? And so when covid came, you know, we were preparing for covid shut down and not a hula blah over that. And he got his computer to bring home from work, and he, I think he just got something to celebrate. You know, get to work at home, yeah, and it was a fentanyl pill. They call it a hot pill, and it killed him. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. So something that he didn't know that. That's what he did, and that's what he thought. I'm sure he thought it was something else. I know it had to be so, you know, yeah, and so that happened, and of course, it was covid shutdown weekend and so sort of a surreal experience, because the whole world shut down with us at the same time. You know, our lives sort of came to a halt, and so did everyone else's. So yeah, it was unique in that that everyone just didn't run off to work the next day like I had probably more support that way, strangely and pretty immediately we had had, you know, readings for fun in the past, you know. And pretty immediately, his, his girlfriend at the time, had had one, okay, she was struggling. And actually, I think, with your former partner, oh yeah, Kelly, yeah. And so Kelly, and so we all said, Oh, we're doing it. We're all doing it. You know, she told us about it, so we all did it, and I did it. And, you know, he came through, and flying colors and lots of validations. And, you know, we were already getting tons of signs, and, you know, we were all on board for the whole, the whole thing. And that just began in my whole spiritual, deep dive into, you know, all things woo, woo and, and, I mean, it's, it's just been, there's been so much evidence. It's been, you know, that Brandon has shown me that there is something else. And so, yeah, so I've just done this whole thing, and I've had some readings here and there, and eventually, and Kelly actually told me about helping parents heal, because some of the other parents she read were there. So I joined. And then eventually they had in person meetings, and went to those, and that's where I met you Yes, and you guys would do the group reading, group readings. And then eventually the leader, she just needed to move on, and I took over, and I've been doing it for a few years now. And I. You know, we have parents that come and we talk about our kids. We do different activities. We might have a sound bath, we might have a medium. We might do art. We might just talk about our kids to do different things. We meet once a month in person, such an incredible group. And I know you are the leader of the San Diego chapter, but there are chapters all over, yes, as well, right? It's an international group that's amazing. And whoever they can harangue into opening a group in variety of cities. You know, we, for a long time, we didn't have an Orange County. We have one there now. Oh, wow, there's a couple in LA. So people come from all over the county, North County, to our meetings, and we have them in different people's homes. And you know, some people are ambivalent coming, they're afraid of they're going to cry, they, you know, which is natural, and you know, we're just here to support them and hear their story and understanding, because you just don't, you can't understand it unless it's happened to you. And of course, we wouldn't want anyone to understand it who had who hasn't lost a child, because you know when, before it happens. It's the thing that you know you're like, No, no, right? If it enters your head, you push it back out, yeah. And you know, that's the same feeling as you know, what it'd be like to lose another child like because there are those people that lost all or they're only, you know, right? So there's all these scenarios, and you know, different ways that kids go in different ages, but yeah, they definitely can find some camaraderie. I don't know what the word is. That's a really good point, because sometimes people think, Oh, it's just if I've lost a kid that's this age, or just if they pass this way, but it's any person that's lost a child of any age, right? Yeah. And actually, so helping peretila, as I said, is an international group, and Elizabeth and Irene are the kind of the heads of it right now. And there's a core group of people that you know started it and are still active and run it, and their board of directors and all that. I think there's like 30,000 members now that have joined it. When I first joined, I think there were, there was under 20, maybe even 15, I can't remember, but so it's quite large, and like I said, it's all over the world, and they have, they'll have zoom meetings with different mediums, or grief experts, or, you know, a variety of spiritual aspects and healing on there sounds like it's just what it says helping parents heal. And healing is lots of things and lots of right? It's a lot of different modalities. And you know, you the parents have to be open to the spirituality, but you know, most people are, you know, they want to have contact with their kids, but well, and it's everyone in the in the group that I've come to, which is your group? I feel like there are people from all walks of life and all different backgrounds and ages with all different kinds of kids on the other side, and it's such a safe space. Is, I think, the best way to say it? Yeah, definitely. So they Yeah, it's really been a good experience for me, and I like that I can pay it forward a little bit and help people as much as I can. And so, yeah, so they people figure out that we have it in San Diego, and they'll, they'll contact me and I'll invite them. So what's the best way for someone to look into the group, if they're feeling curious about joining, if they've lost a kiddo? Well, they can go to helping parents heal.org which is their actual website, and it has all kinds of resources on there, including my contact information. Then we also have our main way of communicating is through Facebook. So there's a main page, and then each affiliate group, and each you know, variety of areas has their own Facebook page. And then, in addition, there are subgroups for you know, if your child was an addict, or if it's all or only children, like there's every variety and all disabled kids, every every variety of you know, needs specific subgroup, specific subgroups, so you can join those two and then be in those meetings and and it's all on Zoom for the main group, you know, we meet in person, but that's all on Zoom. So it's very accessible, and that's so cool that, you know, because it is a different path to walk, right? It's I had one parent tell me that it's the club that no one ever hopes to be a member of, but thankful that it's there. So that's that pretty much, is it in a nutshell? Well, I'll make sure to link the helping parents heal main page, and I'm sure all the Facebook stuff is you can get it through their website as well. Put that in the show notes. Science. Will you share a little bit about I know you mentioned you started getting signs from Brandon right away. I find that this is often difficult for people when they've just lost someone to like, recognize the signs or allow themselves to accept that something's a sign. Will you talk a little bit about your experience? Yeah, well, you know, as a family, we all sort of started getting things and sharing them in a group text. And I found that to be pretty encouraging, because if you didn't get one, then someone else did, then, you know, you could piggyback off of that and take it too. But I mean, he just came in strong from the beginning. I mean, it was just one thing after another, you know, initially, just the night it happened, you know, dimes at the hospital found in just these random spots. And then did you first think, like, Oh, that's weird. And then you were like, Okay, this is too many. Or, how did that click in? And it was just, well, those that family member that found it, dimes were a thing for them. Okay, you know, darn, you kind of recognized it that way, dimes and pennies and things like that. I didn't, you know, we had a shooting star incident, which was very special and and then I had a visitation dream that was the most, and really one of the most intense experiences I've had before. And so I could tell you briefly he was I would love it if you're comfortable sharing about that. Because I think a lot of people get confused about, you know, sometimes when we lose someone, particularly someone that's we love so much, we can have those anxious dreams where our mind like we're searching for them or and sometimes people get worried like, Oh, is that real? Versus like a visitation dream, which is a totally different experience. So I would love it if you're comfortable it, if you're comfortable sharing about that. Yeah. So he was about five years old in the dream, which he cut, he initially came through with mediums as as a young boy. And they say that a great age of kiddos too. Yeah, they come through when younger, happier years, right? And anyhow, so there he is in the dream. I gotten up to use the restroom and went back to bed because, you know, it's the first week, and it hasn't even sunk in your subconscious yet, right? And you wake up, and then you remember, it's like the worst breakup of your life, essentially, you know. And so I took an aspirin, went back to bed and laid there. And there he was five years old. And I think I was taken to my version, sort of of heaven where he might be. It was a lakefront. I love lakes. There was this little small, maybe a RFD town on the waterfront. No people just us, and we were on this little pier, and it was dusk, my favorite time of day, and so, yeah, and so I said, Oh, it's time, you know, to go home for dinner. I picked him up, and I held him on my front and started walking. And I said, I love you so much. You're such a good boy. And I was, I was met with the most intense I was almost like stunned with bliss. It's really indescribable, the feeling I had, it was like the piece that passes all understanding that they talk about, like people having nd ease, like I felt like that was a real gift to me. And I don't know that all visitation dreams are like that. I've had other dreams with him in it, where he pops in, and it's not like that. But then this dream that that day, it was like and I've just felt, and I just, I was just so amazed by it, and I was just enjoying it. And then I felt a physical hand on my head in my bed, wow. And I thought, oh my goodness, you know, is that you Brandon? And it pulled me out of the dream. But I didn't open my eyes. I was in that kind of a twilight. And then I just said, thank you. And I went back to sleep. And then I got up that day, I was I was okay, and so that was pretty cool, you know. And then they're just, I mean, every variety of sign you can imagine, you know, people get butterflies and feathers and stuff, and I did get a little of that, but, I mean, I got a lot of, like, physical, physical things happen that you couldn't explain. And you know, it's great that you're just allowing yourself to accept the science too. Because I feel like sometimes that's the sticking point is it's almost too painful to accept them. Sometimes I love the way you describe that overwhelming feeling of bliss or peace, or all the things mixed together, divine love, I guess is what it is, because I'm always complaining about how the language isn't quite right for any of these mystical experiences. It is beyond words. Yeah, it really, it really is. It really is. And so he just has continued to show me like through music, through, you know, things going missing and coming back, and. And that's funny, yeah, and so I don't know if you want me to share my one of my really big stories, but yeah, I would love that. And then I want to hear the rainbow story too, if you're comfortable sharing that one. Oh well, the rainbow was just the other day. Oh my gosh. We went to my daughter and I and my fiance and his family. We all went to see the midway on the rainy day on Saturday, and when we got back out, there was a giant double rainbow. And oh my gosh, yeah, recent one. That was just a few days ago. And honestly, I mean, rainbows are really not like a thing for us, necessarily, but that, that was that day, and I took picture my daughter and her children. Wow. Yeah, beautiful, yeah. So, um, so, you know, we were getting songs, special songs. Come on the read like, I mean, I mean, there's so much, and it was so constant that I felt really blessed. I've, I've been really blessed with the signs. And I feel like the people that aren't sure about it, my recommend that they write them down, yeah, just start writing them down every time it happens, and pretty soon, sign right. Like, even if you're not sure, even if you're not sure, write it down, because you might start seeing a pattern. You might, you know, you might get a preponderance of evidence at some point where you're like, Okay, I'm gonna believe it. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I wanted to believe it, obviously, but I also did my own sort of Skeptic sleuthing. I feel like I know you well enough to know that you're very intelligent, yeah, just, you're not just gonna believe anything, yeah. And then sometimes things are just so, you know, it hits you over the head that you just have to believe it, but, but, you know, I was, I was open for the beginning, and just like in a reading, you know, if you get validations and then you get a message, I tell people, you can't cherry pick, like, right? You can't, you can't say, you know, it's your kid, but then not accept that it's that they told you, it's their time and it's not your fault, because those are such a big part of acceptance, right? And they're trying to help you, you know, from the other side, to get to that point. And, you know, we're like, no, no, it's my fault. I'm gonna blame myself. It's it's me, it's me. I did it, you know, yeah, I didn't do this when they were a child, or I did this when they were child, or, you know, all the stuff that you think you did when really it was their day to go, yeah, that's such a no point. And so I was just, that's my whole thing about readings. Don't cherry pick them, because if you believe that your child and you got the evidence, then you need to accept that message that said that you know that they're with you, and that you know there's nothing you could have done to change it. It is kind of, I mean, such a good point. I'm so glad you brought that because it is kind of part of the prevalent part of the precipice of this evidential mediumship style is the details that are able to be validated, the factual things that you know about your person, whether it's your kiddo or someone else, kind of then allows you to believe the message, because if these 10 Things are correct, well then we can allow ourselves to believe that the message is correct, right? Like, it's a tough some I've had people from the other side give very tough love kind of messages at times. And it can be really profound if someone's able to accept it, yeah, I mean, I know, I I also say not, you know, overdo it on the readings, but you know, you know when you're doing it, you know too much, or if you're being needy, or whatever, you know, I got to episode about that recently, yeah, the need when you feel a need, not just because you're curious, like A need. Yeah, I really need it, you know. But anyway, yeah, so I, I, you got to the point where, yeah, I got to the point where I was okay, that, if someone else came through, if it wasn't Brandon, I was okay, you know, yeah, and my mom came through, and, you know, I had kind of a, not the greatest childhood, you know, ever. And I thought, Okay, I'm I'll talk to her, you know, bring it, you know. And really, really healing message. And it's interesting, because when you read the other day for one of our members, her mom came through, and she got something kind of similar that was very healing for her, and timely, right? Because it's been enough time that she could accept hearing from her mom. So, yeah, it's, it was very interesting, but so, yes, I mean, it's a whole conglomeration of, you know, methods of healing, from the readings to the to the, you know, having the signs and, I mean, it's really been everything to like a lifeline for me. Yeah, I can imagine, well, and it's such a great point that you bring about, like, if someone does attend a group reading, even if, I think I was sharing this with you recently, that the first time I was already developing as a medium, before I ever even knew group readings was a thing, and as part of the. Like, six month program I was taking, the teacher did a giant, like, 300 person group reading with another medium. I know it was crazy. And I was like, Oh, I and we had to, like, buy tickets. It wasn't part of what we got. So I was like, Oh, I have to go to this clip to see what this is. And they were talking about a person, or bringing communicating with a spirit, person that just had so many details similar to a person I had lost, but enough of it was different that I was like, well, this definitely isn't my person, but kind of like how you just said, the message is similar, some of the details are similar. So you know that one message can be for more than one person, even if it's not your person communicating. Sometimes we kind of can feel a similarity, or, like you said, a similarity in the what was communicated that it's like, okay, this a reminder for me too, or this is a message for me too. So, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, the piggybacking is, is big, yeah, I piggybacked, you know, a couple of people. I'm like, oh Brandon, okay. Well, you know, happens sometimes, if it's not like your day to get a communication, Oh, yeah. Then sometimes you might still they. Might still they. I do know what you're talking about. Another kiddo in that group, reading that communicated brought some similarities to some things that had occurred in your family, and you would see a real similarity there, too. So that was kind of interesting. Well, yeah, if you don't mind, will you share a little bit how you said Brandon will bring you songs, because I often find like this happens sometimes for people, all of spirit people bring messages and say hellos in different ways. But I always try to explain to people that sometimes it might be a song you associate with them, like the song they loved, or a band they loved, but sometimes it's songs that have nothing to do with like not their favorite, you just know, it's a hello from them. So we talk a little bit about how music comes across your path from him, yeah? Well, music was very important to him, yeah, so it made sense that it would come through that way. So we would wake up with songs in our head. Oh, I love they. Would, you know, like, where did that come from? Right? Yeah, song in my head today, right? And so we would share with each other, you know, and write them down. And some of them became, you know, sort of anthems also, you know, he had his favorite music, Modest Mouse and Pink Floyd. And, okay, so those would come up along a lot, like I'd gone to visit his girlfriend. And when I was leaving, I didn't turn on the radio, and I thought, and I had the thought, you know, I had the thought, oh, I should turn that on. And it was flowed on my Modest Mouse, which is not a song that plays on the radio often, and I don't know what it is, yeah, you'll have to, I will. I'm gonna look it up, yeah. So that sort of became our theme song, because it came up a lot at random times for us, you know. And we, I say random when they're, you know. And so we knew, we knew that was him. I mean, yeah, I could just go on all day about the signs, but yeah, the songs were pretty significant when they still are so like on my 60th birthday a few years ago, so I'm five and a half years into this journey now, right? Okay, so two years ago, when I turned 60, I and I always tell people like, you might have to go outside for a sign. You know, you can't just hole up in your house and expect it. You might have to leave. And so I'm telling myself that as I'm in the tub, because I'd already had kind of my big birthday celebration, and I thought it was time to get ready to go to my daughter's house, and I was gonna bring pizza, and she had ice all you can eat ice cream sundaes. And so I'd gotten ready, like I said, I'd had a birthday celebration before. This is just, you know, kind of a mellow birthday thing. I get in the car, and the song, My sweet lord, comes on, which is one of my all time favorite songs. And Brandon loved George Harrison. He used to do imitations of George Harrison all the time. That's so funny. Yeah, he was really good at voices and accent sense of humor, yeah, oh, yeah. And so I was like, okay, you know? And then I look at the time and it's 555, well, we got his his jersey number was number 55 in high school, and it comes up all the time. So that's another thing. Numbers come up, right? And so there it was, 555, and I was like, I'll take it, you know? So I did a little video, and then I realized after that that it showed 60 miles on my odometer. I had 60 miles left in my gas tank. Wow. So happy from Brandon, right? So I had the 60, I had the 555, and I had the song. So no bang, bang, right. That's a sign. So you know, you have to just notice. You have to pay attention. You. Have to notice we have such a good point. Sometimes you do have to go outside, whether it's a sign from a person or the universe that you're hoping to get. And the other thing I love that you said is, you know, you have the thought, oh yeah, I should turn on the radio. They can't control our free will and take control of us, but they can kind of give us that nudge of, like, what about the radio? Yeah. And then it's up to you to say, like, Oh yeah, okay, I'm gonna do that, yeah. So that's how you give your kind of consent or buy in, is like, and you just got into the car, like, at just the right time to see that, 555, and you you know, he can get your attention to it, to notice it. That's so cool, yeah? And so, you know, and that's usually, you know, on a birthday or angel dates and things like that. And so another thing about readings is I do recommend people schedule them on ANGEL dates, or as close to the as they can, because it is, especially in the first few years, a really hard time. Yeah, it is. And I think having that connection on around the angel dates a good thing to help them through it, but definitely, at the very least, to be allowing to schedule something like, if you don't feel open to a medium or something like that, at least make sure you have a time with a friend at their house, or don't be on your own right. Like, yeah, yeah. And, well, the thing about the angelites, too, is just not to feel too much pressure on yourself to make it something, yeah, you know, your child knows that you love them and that you're with them, or that they're you, you know what I mean, yeah, and, and, you know, just lighting a candle can be enough, just, you know, doing a meditation for them to connect. Or, yeah, just thinking, you know, hello, in your mind, isn't it? Yeah? Food. Or, you know, yeah. I mean, great point. It doesn't have to be a big, big production. And perhaps every year is different, even maybe you feel one way, one year in a different way. And it's such a I'm so glad you brought this up, because it's such a good point that like to honor just how you feel. And you know, it doesn't have to be they do know truly how loved they are. And right? They feel the love all the time. So it's not like you're gonna disappoint them if you don't. Yeah, make production, right? And so and you know, and just learning to, like, trust your instincts, like, just, you know, even if you're not sure it's like, just say yeah. That's a sign, yeah, like I said, and just and write it down, because the whole thing is trust, right? Like, I've taken mediumship classes. I understand the whole concept that you just at some point, you just have to believe that. You believe Yeah. You just have to let yourself have it. You have to know it. I'm glad you brought this up, because I would love for you to share a little bit about I how this has sort of unfolded a different part of your path and your own spiritual journey that maybe was not in your original plan for things to Guinea, this isn't my original plan, no. I mean the spiritual journey part. I don't know if, yeah, perhaps, like, you know, yeah, that direction. Well, you know, like I said, Brandon, I used to have these conversations about spirituality, and I always felt like there was some, like a Venn diagram where there's, you know, religion, spiritual, spirituality, like, which, anyways, and then science. I think that they all overlap in a place. And maybe not every aspect agrees, you know, maybe religion doesn't think that what, you know, this other world really has anything to do with them, and it does. And science the same thing. I think, I think, and more as more time goes on, there's more and more sort of proof of that with, you know, physics and physics and all this stuff. They're catching up. They're figuring it out. But, you know, so we always thought that and believe that, and now it's just been more and more. I've got to the point where, you know, because of the readings and the signs have been so extreme that I know, I don't just believe, I know, yeah, and so, so I really think that Brandon has been my partner in this, leading me along and getting me there. And you know, he's helped me to help other people. So just for example, I'll tell you, try to tell you briefly, don't know how we're doing on time, but so I had this wallet that my son gave me. Actually have it right here, this Michael Kors billfold. And of course, I treasured it once he was gone, of course, from this physical earth. And I didn't. I still didn't always use it, but I tried to more after he after he left, and I would put in my purse, but it's big, and so my person start filling up with things, and I would shove it under my seat, or my boyfriend's car, or maybe the trunk. And one day, I realized I didn't have it. I didn't think it was lost, but I wasn't sure where it went. So I thought, well, you know, I'm gonna look for it, and you know, I'm gonna put it under my seat, and then, you know, you get in your car. To go to autopilot. So it took me a few weeks to look under my seat. Wasn't there. My boyfriend finally he looked under his seat. Wasn't there. I took my trunk apart, wasn't there. And I started thinking, Okay, I'm going to do what I call like a search and destroy mission and tear my ass apart and find this thing. But still not in a panic, right? And I had been a while. I didn't realize how long it had been. So in the meantime, my daughter had moved back to town, and we had gone to get flowers and stuff because I was doing an open house. And these house their condo that really needed to brighten up the front door, and she needed them for her her apartment. And so we went to Home Depot. And we got to Home Depot, I got flowers, I got pots, I got all kinds of stuff, and so did she, and she got soil, and I didn't buy soil, and I knew I needed soil, but I just didn't grab it. We got to the register, my grandson started kind of getting fussy, and I thought, huh, you know, I'll just get it tomorrow, when I was going to babysit for her again. So because we had gone, you know, after work. So the next day, Friday came along, and a lot of things happened on Fridays. For some reason, with me and I left her house, I did not go to Dixie line. I just drove on an autopilot, got on the freeway. I thought, oh my gosh, okay, well, there's a Home Depot on my way home. So I thought, I'll go to the Home Depot. I drove past that exit, but oh my goodness, am I sleep deprived? What is going on here? So I purposely drive to the hardware store by my home, and I walk in the door, and I grab my bag of soil, and I pop it on the countertop, and the guy starts ringing me up and his name is Brandon. Lost my son's name. Oh my gosh, I think he does get his name across your path a lot. Yeah, not a lot, but this time for sure. And so I said, Oh, you know, I thought, oh, you know, hello from heaven. Okay, I'll take it, but nothing major. So I give him my phone number for my ace rewards, and he says, Oh, you're Amy Sanders. I said, Yeah. He goes because you eat it this restaurant across the freeway, Khan's cave. I said, Yeah, I go there. He said, I found your wallet last night and my other job, and all of a sudden it's like, right? Like, to me, stand still, I'm sure, yeah. Like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. I pull him to the side, and I say, Look, my son gave me that wallet. His name's Brandon. He's deceased. Your name is Brandon, and you found my wallet at your other job last night, when I should have bought this soil at three other stores. I should have already bought this. So here I am, right, and so I go, I want to come to you. This is not a coincidence. I'm going to come to your job tonight. I'm going to get it. So in the meantime, this other guy starts ringing me up. There's a line starts forming. So I leave, I go home, and I'm pretty blown out of the water already, right? Yeah. So I wait a couple hours. It's Friday and happy hour and all that. And I get there about 730 and it's still pretty busy, but the booth that I was in the night that I left the wallet open. Wow. I thought, all right, this is getting better. So I went, and I sat down, and I'm waiting for my cocktail, and I see him, and he comes over, and I said, Oh, What's your middle name? James, same name. I said, Tell me you're not a Sanders. You know this? He goes, No, but listen to this. He said, When you came in today, I was not on the register. I didn't work the register. You're the only person I rang up in eight hours. The guy had to go to the bathroom, and you walked in the door. Wow. And so all of a sudden, pretty incredible. I mean, there's just no way, right? And I'm like, what, you know? What I mean? What are the chances? You know, all of that adding a million it feels like that's amazing. More than that. I mean, it's astronomical. And then he we gather ourselves, he's got to get back to work. And as he's walking away, the Muzak in the restaurant plays the song, Amy, what you gonna do? Plays my song. I just got chills. Yes, that's crazy. So I mean, just like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, wow, and amazing. That's when I sort of decided that was the sign that happened, and I decided to sort of go public with it, that I was gonna tell people that I didn't care if they wanted to use me as a realtor or not, or what they thought, because I think it's more important for people to know that there's so much more that we don't know about, really can't know about, but there's physical experiences or, I mean, that's so I'm going to have that song In my head the day, Amy, and I'm gonna sing it to you every time I see you. It's like, that's undeniable. That's too many, it's too many, many things. It's like Brandon being like, how about now, mom? Yeah, that's not enough. There's just no way like him being Brandon. That's a coincidence. You know? Wow. Um. Um, but the whole the way just unfurled was just amazing, you know? And then I also, I had an had Invisalign, and I was waiting to do my front teeth. They give you these placeholders. And normally, when you have Invisalign, they come in, like, packages of eight, and you just put them in every week, and if you lost one, which you know I had done, and you would just pop in the next set in, right? So let you know about my other big sign here. Yeah, I love it. So I couldn't find it this one day, I was getting ready for bed, and I taken them out for dinner, and I was looking with my flashlight all over my house about three times, about 2000 square feet, and they're invisible, so you have to have the flashlight to kind of reflect the light. Yeah, and I'm searching and searching and searching, and it's about one in the morning when I finally give up. Oh my gosh. I mean, I looked at every surface. It pulled the sofas apart. So to call my search and destroy, pulled the sofas apart, looked under them, everywhere, touching, because, you know, you have to try to maybe feel for them. And I thought, gosh, where are those? So I said, Okay, I'm going to bed. You know, God, angels, Brandon, you know, whoever's out there, pull me out here, you know, yeah, and then I feel bad that I didn't ask to, you know, solve world hunger or something working on that, you know, my petty little, you know, need, you know, I know I'm gonna do the walk of shame, because I'm a 60 year old woman that can't keep track of her Invisalign, you know, and the dentist office in the morning, and how long is it gonna be before they get me Another set my bottom teeth are going to start moving. And, you know, I'm worried, but I just think, okay. And I just, I'm so exhausted, I just go to sleep. I get up the morning, I think I'm going to give one more look before I call them. I get the flashlight, and I'm looking and looking, and something catches my eye on my dining room table by the window, and I look, and it's not just the one. There are three in a pile, like stacked up on my gosh, from the past, other ones that had been lost. And I know they weren't laying it around, because I washed my table. Definitely seen them, obviously, yeah, if I had found just the one, yeah, if I just found the one, it would have been like, oh, there it is. But there's three stacked in a pile. And I asked, you know, my fiance, he said, No, we're the only ones here. There's just no way to explain how, how those got like that. It's like, Yeah, I'll find your Invisalign and I'll get the other ones too that you lost. You know, so far you go, boom. So it's just been stuff like that. Yeah, it's just been, you know, undeniable, too undeniable and consistent, you know. And then they're not all that big, you know, there's plenty of you know. But to me, no matter what the size of the sign is, they're all miracles. To me, I agree. And it's, you know, even if it feels really simple when it's happening, it's still a mystical experience. They're still working hard to I always tell people, like, there a lot of things are happening for us to just receive that one song on our radio. Like, we have to be in the car at that exact moment. That song has to be playing. They have to get us to like, oh yeah, turn on your radio. They have to, like, get us to turn up the volume and pay attention to the song and not be on the phone. And, I mean, it's a lot. It's a lot for a little one. And you'll, you'll hear parents be like, why? That's not enough. I want another. I want more, more, more, more, right? Yeah. And My example is, well, if your child came to you, you know, in life with paper that had an A on it, would you be like, I need an A plus, right? Like, just accept it and be happy, you know? Just, yeah, you know, I try to tell people it's like a volley too. Like, I feel like it's like a volley when you and you don't have to say it out loud, you don't have to tell other people if you don't want but just acknowledging, like, Okay, hi. Like, thanks, I see you. And then you're like, kind of giving it back to them, so then they can bring you another hello in a different way, at a different time. It's like a back and forth. It's, it's, but often you we do have to go outside in the world. You're right. I'm very grateful, very grateful for the the bond, the communication. Yeah. You know, I mean, obviously I I want him here, but if I can't have him here, then I still have him here. It's just different. It's just a different connection. And that's really what it's all about. I have a whole healing list is really based on, you know, connecting, you know, the connection with your kid and, yeah, still connected through the love that we share. And right? You're bonded to turn them no matter what, yeah, yeah, it's a special and I feel like too, even if, I mean I believe, and I think you you do too, even if a kiddo is adopted or conceived through surrogacy or I'm there, still our kid, right? So they're still your kid. No matter how they came into your life. And that bond is just as strong, you know, between parent and child. It's, it's the love, you know exactly, yeah, so I mean, I, I feel like God is love. God is the energy between us, you know, like, I don't have really conventional sense of it, but I feel like that that's part of the story, that we're part of God. They're part of God, and they can connect to us similarly. Yeah, I share this actually. I don't remember who it was. It might have been you and helping parents heal that taught me this. It's one of the most profound analogies for grief that I've ever heard, and I share it frequently, particularly with parents, but lots of other people, when they're in that really active, painful part of grief, someone in helping parents heal, taught me that grief is like standing in the ocean, and there's always waves, and some waves of grief are big and will knock you down, and other waves that Come will be small enough that you can still stand in but you're always standing in that ocean. Do you know that what I'm talking about? Yeah, okay, yeah, profound, yeah. I mean, I can totally identify with that. And yeah. I mean, it ebbs and it flows, yeah. And, you know, I still have days, I mean, I'm five and a half years in, and I still will set time aside to cry, you know, amazing. I'll purposely watch something sad, sometimes not purposely, and it'll come out. But, you know, it builds up, and you might get back into sort of a, you know, everyday schedule, but you know it's still there, and it still builds up and it still needs to come out. So, yeah, yeah, definitely. What advice would you give to someone that is really feeling like they're struggling in, like, a really hard part of their grief? Are there any tools that you've learned, or any tips that you have as someone who's gone through this experience. Well, you know, I always recommend counseling to go to counseling. I think professional counselors have a lot to offer, and if nothing else, you know tools to to use at the beginning, definitely, you know how to cope. I do recommend getting a reading as soon as possible. I also think people have to acknowledge that they might need to be nudged along. They might get to a point where they're stuck, and you have to sort of nudge your self along, because if you don't do the work, you're you have to do the work. And now there's just no way that people say, you know, there's no way but through it. And it's true, like you have to go through it. You have to do the work to be able to move forward. And you're not moving on. You're not leaving your kid behind. You're just moving forward together, really. And you know, one of my early readings, you know, was talked about, you know, that Brandon was lighting a path for me and, you know, and helping pull me out of, you know, the, not really quicksand, but you know, the, what? We all go down the rabbit hole. You know it's gonna happen. And you're gonna go down it, and you're gonna blame yourself in some way, yeah, and then you'll, if you do the work you're gonna, you're gonna climb out of that. And it's just really important to just have some intention, yeah, and also grace and accept that there will be times where you're just having a hard time, but, you know, reach out to somebody, try to talk to someone, and whether it's a counselor or another parent or, you know, someone in your family that can empathize with you, because a lot of times people get sort of left behind. And then, you know, because life does go on and their friends are busy, and you know, they felt like people forgot, but you know it's it's impossible for other people to imagine your life. Yeah, it's just impossible. They can't know and and so you'll take it personally. And so I just feel like, you know, just look inside, do the healing work. And I think one place that people get held up is the acceptance part. And I listened to a lot of Eckhart Tolle at the beginning, just little snippets. And I finally listened to his first book, power for now. And it's not about grief or even death, but it's about acceptance. And it's really a union principle of, yeah, you know what you don't accept, will you know cause more suffering. What you resist persists, is what you know. And so you know, coming to an acceptance is a huge part. I know that's a, that's a 12 step too, but it's, it's a, it's a huge thing. Is. Was coming to accept it. Yeah, it's a really hard thing. I feel like it happens in layers, probably, and I think Grace is a really important aspect of just not, you know, not pushing too hard, but making sure you're pushing yourself a little and making sure that you're feeling the feelings, but not sinking under the feelings. Yeah, it's a balance, because you're like, What am I not doing? What do I need to do? I want to feel better, but you have to understand that, you know, I took David Kessler's grief educator class, and he talks about that, it two years can still be new, you know. And definitely one year is new. And people sort of, like, I took a mediumship class, I don't know, probably sometime in the first year to two, and it was too early for me. Some people maybe are more naturally, you know, endowed that way would have been, you know, I just thought I, you know, I was really, maybe pushing myself in certain ways more than I could, but you know, just simple things like meditate every day, go for walks, you know, take your shoes off under a tree. You know, simple things to sort of energize yourself and connect with your kid and be available for the signs. Be available for the signs. You know, really always just be on the lookout and, you know, try not to doubt them. Write them down, you know, I think that's, you know, I highly encourage anyone who's going through grief of loss to whether it's helping parents heal or another group. It's such an important part of like you said, sometimes people might feel like, oh, a year's gone by two years. I can't talk about this all the time, but that's a space created to share about it and to be held in that sacred container of how hard it is, and getting to express having a place to like, share and with people that truly know, a similar feeling, yeah, you know, and then having some sense of purpose, you know, some people feel pressured to go big or go home like it doesn't have to be, you know, everybody's different. And you know, it could just be sharing your story with somebody at the grocery store now, beginning journaling, or journaling or whatever, like I would, I would just tell people I met who had children, hey, you know, don't let tell them not to take a pill that's doesn't have their name on the bottle. Like, you know, I just did whatever little thing I could, you know, to spread the word in that regard. And now, you know, I'm pretty open with, you know, the Wiwi stuff in my life, because it's real to me. And, yeah, I think it's helpful to other people, and not everybody's gonna receive it. And, you know, and some people struggle with their their religion that you know, that doesn't agree with it. But, you know, the way I look at it is that people that have nd ease, I've listened a lot and easy nd ease, and sometimes they come back with a gift of mediumship or or some sort of, you know, gift like that. And, yeah, where did they get the gift? Yeah, exactly. So, you know what's why would they have it if it wasn't to be used for good? I It's interesting when I, when it first, mediumship first started coming to me. I was, I trained in massage therapy for years, and wellness and healing. And was doing I worked with angels, and then I worked with guides, and then I worked with, like, a deeper trance mediumship, which is kind of channeling that more overarching wisdom. Let's just say, before mediumship ever started coming to me, and I went through a period where I was, like, talking to the higher power of my heart, like, I don't know if this is okay. I don't know if I, like, Is this okay to be doing? And then, even though, at that time, I wasn't trained so I could just give little bits of details. I just would see how much just those tiny details of that person, that clearly it had to come from them, because they were very unique, specific details. It lifted even just a tiny layer of grief or suffering off their heart. And I just knew like, well, this can't be from a bad place, like right, start there and pursue it from there. So, yeah, you've had that experience, yeah? I mean, there's a lot of, there's, you know, a lot of dogma that people get caught up in. And I just have to, I just think that, you know, it's all about love, and we, yeah, people like, like, in my dream, and that people that have the those experiences on the other side, like they feel that that's the this intense love. So that's got to be God, because it's not the, you know, it's not all the time here. Anyway, it's not an evil thing that's giving you love, right? So I don't know. But anyhow, so yeah, so I'm. I'm at peace with it all. And you know, I look forward to seeing Brandon when I get there, but I also know he's here with me every day. Yeah, I love that. Well. Thank you so much for sharing your time, for all the work that you do in the world, for leading our local chapter of helping parents heal. And I know that you're so active in so many ways. I appreciate your openness and like being and being willing to share, and I'm so grateful to know you same here. Thank you joy. Thanks for shining your light. Well. I am so filled with gratitude and peace, and so grateful to Amy for sharing her story and Brandon's story with us today, but also for the work that she does with helping parents heal. Amy did reach out to me after we recorded, and she said she'd just been thinking about it and realized that Thanksgiving was her son, Brandon's favorite holiday, and so she said she's not surprised actually, that he brought that up specifically since it is just around the corner, and she also shared that the piece that he brought up about a special celebration, and that he was very proud of her for forgiveness and moving forward in the way that she is, she wasn't open to sharing that with all of us, but She did indicate that that's a very significant thing that's happening right now in her family, and that it really was an incredibly powerful message that she needed to hear so that just is Brandon and the way that the spirit world works. They truly know the need of our heart and soul, regardless of what we might want. They know how to bring it and how to really touch into our heart if we allow it. So I'm so grateful to Amy for being here today and the work that she does. I'm so grateful to Brandon for also showing up and helping with today's episode, and, of course, to helping parents heal. And I'll link their website again, helping parents heal.org, in the show notes, whether it's for you or someone close to you, it is an incredible resource filled with beautiful souls. Thanks for being here for this episode. Big hugs. Lots of love. Bye for now, from inside spirit speakeasy, you.