The 5 Love Languages to Spark Self-Love: How to Finally Fill Your Own Cup

What if the reason you feel depleted, disconnected, or like you just can't hear your own intuition — is because nobody ever taught you how to love yourself in the way your soul actually needs?

Most of us are incredible at pouring love into the people around us. But when it comes to ourselves? Empty cup. Running on fumes.

In this episode I'm taking Gary Chapman's “Five Love Languages” and turning them completely inward. We're talking about what each one looks like when you apply it to yourself, why it matters spiritually, and practical ways to actually start filling your own cup in the language your soul speaks.

You'll learn:

• What all five love languages look like as self-love practices
• Why self-abandonment creates energetic and intuitive blocks
• How to identify your primary self-love language
• The one-week challenge to start shifting your energy now

✨This one comes with homework. The good kind.

Show notes:

Take the free love languages quiz: https://www.5lovelanguages.com 

Dr. Kristin Neff's self-compassion research: https://self-compassion.org

Get Joy's Free "Sign Magnet" 3 Day Mini Course HERE https://www.joyfulmedium.com/sign-magnet
Joy's Website: www.joyfulmedium.com
Instagram: @JoyfulMedium
TikTok: @JoyfulMedium
Facebook: @JoyfulMedium
Facebook Group: Joy's Soul Spa
YouTube: Psychic Medium Joy Giovanni 

Transcript

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Joy, hey, beautiful soul, welcome to spirit. Speak Easy. I'm Joy Giovanni, joyful medium. I'm a working psychic medium, energy healer and spiritual gifts mentor. This podcast is like a seat at the table in a secret club, but with mediums, mystics and the spiritual luminaries of our time. So come behind the velvet ropes with me and see inside my world as I chat insider style with profoundly gifted souls, we go deep, share juicy stories, laugh a lot, and it wouldn't be a speakeasy without great insider secrets and tips. You might even learn that you have some gifts of your own so step inside the spirit speakeasy. Hey, beautiful soul. Welcome in to another episode of spirit speakeasy. Today we are diving into something that I think is going to be a total game changer for a lot of you. So let me ask you something. Do you know your partner's love language, or your best friend's love language, or your kids? Yeah, I thought some of you might you've probably taken the quiz, maybe you've read the book, had the conversation. You know exactly how others want to receive love. But here's my question, do you know your love language? And more importantly, are you speaking your love language to yourself about yourself? Because here's what I see all the time in my work as a medium and intuitive coach, people are so good at pouring love into everyone else, especially sensitives. All my highly sensitives, raise your hand. This is you. So we pour so much love into everyone else. They've read their partner's love language. They're doing all the things. They're showing up for friends, for their kids, for their family, but when it comes to themselves, silence, empty, cup running on fumes, and they wonder why they feel so depleted or disconnected or anxious or resentful, and sometimes they wonder why their intuition feels fuzzy, why they can't hear or feel their intuition, or their guides, for example, and why everything just feels so much harder. Here's the truth, and this is something spirit has shown me over and over again, you cannot pour from an empty cup. Some of you might be saying, yeah, yeah. Like, I know that old adage, you have to fill up your own cup First, put on your own oxygen mask before you help your loved ones, but your relationship with yourself, the way you love yourself, honor yourself, speak to yourself about yourself, that really sets the template for every other relationship in your life, including your relationship with the voice of your inner compass, your intuition, and, of course, your relationship with the unseen world, just in general. So today, we are going to take a different look at Gary Chapman's favorite or Famous Five Love Languages framework, and we're going to turn it completely inward. We are going to talk about what each of the five love languages looks like when you apply it to yourself. Why this matters from a spiritual perspective, and most importantly, I'm going to give you a super practical, actionable way to start filling your own cup in the language that your soul actually speaks with you. Because let me tell you, when you start loving yourself in your own love language, so much can shift your energy, shifts your vibrational frequency that you're offering, shifts your relationships with others can shift. Your intuition gets clearer, or at least you're recognizing it more opportunities can start showing up. It can look like finally unlocking the store that you didn't even realize was closed. So buckle up, beautiful soul, because we are going to deep dive today, and I have a feeling this episode is going to hit a little differently for a lot of you. So let's dive in. Okay, so I want to start with the basics. If you're not familiar with The Five Love Languages, I'm going to give you the rundown of what it is I'm talking about. I have really worked this book. I have a couple little pet peeves that I may or may not mention about this work, but overall, I think this is really helpful work from Dr Gary Chapman, who is the author of this book. Back in 1992 Dr Gary Chapman, who was a marriage counselor and a pastor, wrote this book called The Five Love Languages, the secret to love that lasts and it became huge. Like over 20 million copies sold, huge and translated into 50 languages, huge New York Times bestseller for, like, literally so many years. You can check all that out on his website and check out his work that website's five, like the number five love languages, dot. Com, and I'll actually link it in the show notes. I'm not affiliated with him in any way, but I feel like if I'm gonna talk about someone's work, it'd be nice to cite them as a source, and for you to be able to go check out their work if you choose to. And as part of throwing in that link on his website, you can find a free love languages quiz. So if you want to take the quiz yourself and kind of rate yourself based on his work and his quiz to see what your love language is if you haven't done it already. Because, let's be honest, some of you have done this already at some point. So if you just want to rate yourself again, or if you've never done it, I will link all that below. So Chapman's whole premise of this work was that we all express and receive love differently, and a lot of relationship problems, he believed happened because we're speaking different, like, quote, unquote love languages, like you're over here trying to show love by doing the dishes and, you know, keeping the house clean, and your partner is over there thinking that you don't love them because you never say the words I love you. So you're both loving each other and showing up in different ways, but you're just speaking different languages. So Chapman broke it down into basically five Main Categories, or five love languages, and I'm going to run through them super quick. Even if you haven't ever taken that quiz, you probably will be able to kind of identify yourself or those around you in these so the number one love language is words of affirmation, and these are in no particular order. They're ranked by the individual. So everyone, everyone is a little different. So number one words of affirmation. This is all about verbal appreciation, compliments, words of encouragement, validation. People with this love language, they feel the most loved when they hear words of love. I love you. I'm proud of you. You're amazing. You did such a good job making dinner or such a good job on this project, these people who are in this category, it is truly meaningful and special for them to hear kind words they need those words that is how they feel loved by you or anyone else. Okay, number two, quality time. This is about undivided attention. It's not just being in the same room together while, like, watching a show, kind of and separately scrolling on your phone. It's not that I'm talking about, like, fully present meaningful conversations, eye contact, doing activities together, where you're actually, like, engaged in the same activity. People with this love language quality time. They feel most loved when you give them your time and your attention undivided. So you'd be better off to give them like an hour of undivided attention, where you're just in actual conversation with no devices on, for example, than to sit next to them and watch binge watch 10 hours of television. Okay? Number three, receiving gifts. Now this one gets misunderstood a lot. It's not about materialism or being greedy. It's about thoughtful tokens of appreciation. So kind of that the thought that counts. It's the I saw this and I thought of you, or I recognize that you like this, and so I want to bring it for you, to make you feel good because you like this. It's not just bringing any coffee, it's bringing their specific Coffee order, right? It's not just, yeah, I'll leave it at that, because I don't want to take too long on this part. But anyway, so it's, you know, I saw this and thought of you. I picked up this little snack at the gas station today because I know it makes you smile at your favorite it's about acknowledging someone and thinking about them, right? So people who have this love language is receiving gifts they feel most loved when you give them something tangible that shows you care and that shows you either like understand them, or know who they are, or paying attention. Okay, number four, acts of service. This is actions speak louder than words, for this love language. Basically, it's about doing helpful things, taking care of tasks, easing someone's burden, stepping up without being asked. If they have to ask you, it's almost like it kind of doesn't count. I hate to say it that way, people with the love language of acts of service feel most loved when you do things for them that make their life easier. It typically has to be like a considerate thing, right? Like have to be considering them. It's not just doing any task that you want to do and expecting them to appreciate it. It's doing a task that will ease their load or make them feel seen or like for example, if you have someone in your life that's this love language and they really want you to hang up your jacket at the end of the day, it's such a small thing. To do, but you doing it because you know it means something to them, is how they feel loved and appreciated. Okay, so number five of these five love languages is physical touch. It's about physical connection, hugs, holding hands, rubbing someone's shoulder or back. It can be massages. It can be any, pretty much any, type of affection. People with this love language, physical touch, they feel most loved when you touch them. Physical closeness or comfortable touch is how they feel, most safe, most supported, most connected, most loved. Now, Chapman says most people have a primary love language, like the main one that really fills your tank. And usually people have, like, a secondary one too. So it's like, well, this is the this is the one I feel the most, and then this one, yeah, I also kind of agree with that, like, feel that one too. Usually, most of them, or many of them, can resonate to a certain degree, but these are, like, the two you would score the highest in in a quiz, for example. So if you kind of want to think about this, you could think about it like the idea that if you want to love someone really well and make them feel really loved, you need to learn their love language, not just speak your own love language. Because this is, this is, again, where he was identifying that, oh, this is where these disagreements and both people feeling unloved when both people are showing up, kind of a way, if your love language is quality time, for example, and my love language is gifts, let's just say, and you're spending time with me, and That's great, and I might love it, but if my love language is gifts, I might need you to spend less time with me. But actually do like bring me a little token that shows that you care or appreciate me? It could be like a bag of chips. It doesn't have to be something crazy. It could be a flower that you picked outside, that you brought in, you know what I mean? So you have to love them in the way that they receive love. For them to feel loved, it's kind of easy math, right? So he says, most of us try to love let try to love others in the language that we would prefer to receive instead of how the other person needs to receive it. That makes sense, right? We do what we like, but we need to do what they like. But here's where Chapman didn't really dive into in the physical book, like in the original book. What if this is kind of what I was thinking about? Because I have loved these love languages for a long time, and I feel like it helps me understand and better care for, you know, my kids and my friends and people that I want to make feel loved by me, but for me, there's some things missing now. The one I want to talk about today is this part that I was saying that Chapman didn't really dive into in his original book. I really couldn't stop thinking about, Yeah, but what happened if we applied this framework to ourself, right? We're talking about loving others and knowing others love language, which is wonderful, or how others are going to love us, which also wonderful. But what about how we love ourselves? What if we apply this framework to us loving ourselves? What if you started asking, How do I need to be loved by me? What's my love language when it comes to self love, how can I fill up my own cup for myself? Because, as we know, most of us are way better at loving other people than we are at loving ourselves, and most of us don't know how to fill up our own cup. And truthfully, we have to do that for ourselves, we can't be codependent, or it's not ideal, and it's about filling up our own cup so that we have love to spill over, right? But how do we fill up our own cup? I think Love Languages might be one potential solution or tool at least, so it's a real problem, right? When we're way better at loving other people than ourselves, a big one. So what we're going to unpack today is how these five love languages can turn themselves into self love practice for you that actually works for you, because it's custom for you. So this next little bit, I want to dive a little bit more into why Self Love Languages matter, and I'm gonna share a little bit more of a spiritual perspective here. So before we get into the how, I want to talk quickly about the why, because I don't want this to be just another like, Oh, I'm gonna add it to my self care Sunday bubble bath situation, right? I want you to understand from a spiritual and energetic perspective, why this filling up your cup or self love or taking care of yourself matters so much. Here's what I know to be true, both from my work as a medium and from my own journey. And the truth is, I've learned this lesson different times in different ways, and like all the. Lessons I continue to learn. When your cup is empty, you can't connect deeply to your intuition or to your spirit. Think about it. When you're running on fumes, which I'm sure we've all been there, when you're depleted, when you're not taking care of yourself, you're probably exhausted, you're probably overwhelmed, stressed, spread really thin. What happens? Your energy gets kind of murky. Your frequency drops or lowers. We shift into often more of like a survival mode, not like a thriving mode. It happens to all of us. It's not a judgment, and in that state, it gets so hard to hear our inner guidance, because we're drowning in that overwhelm or anxiety or stress, and it's so hard to feel our soul self or our guides or like we're supported by our intuition. And it can also, as part of that, feel really hard to trust ourselves that we know the next step or that we have our own answer, or we know what to do or what we want, right? I see this with clients, with students, with people on calls all the time, they come to me for reading or guidance, and they're like joy. I can't hear my intuition anymore, or I don't know if I have intuition. I feel disconnected from spirit, some version of that, and they don't know what to do. And when I tune in to the energy of their soul, what I see more often than not, is someone who is spiritually, emotionally and energetically just depleted. It's not the capability that's there underneath, but they need to be restored a little bit. I often see someone who's been giving and giving and giving to everyone else, it's a common story, and they have nothing left for themselves. And here's the kicker, spirit can only meet you where you meet yourself if you're not honoring your own needs, if you're abandoning yourself, if you're constantly putting yourself last, you're sending a message to the universe, to your own guidance system that says, I don't matter. I'm not a priority. I'm not listening. I don't want to hear it, and the universe mirrors that right back to you, right? What we emit is what we create more of, right? And what's worse is, most of us spend years of our lives, I did this looking outside of ourselves, for someone else to love us in a way that we feel fulfilled and true. Fulfillment comes from the inside, self love, self esteem, but when you start filling your own cup, when you start treating yourself with the love and care and respect that you actually deserve when you start speaking to yourself in your own love language, everything can start changing. Your energy becomes clearer. Your Vibration rises. You're more aligned with who you truly are. When you start speaking to yourself and treating yourself like this, you can notice those intuitive nudges more opportunities can start showing up, the right people start appearing. Synchronicities start happening or happening around you, because you're finally aligned with your own worth and with who you truly are as a soul, and that alignment is magnetic. So there's also some research that backs this up, believe it or not, not from a woo woo perspective, but from a psychological one. I've mentioned her before, but Dr Kristin Neff, who is a leading researcher on self compassion, has shown that practicing self compassion, which includes self love practices, is linked to greater emotional resilience overall, reduced, anxiety, improved, well being, even better relationships with others around us. You can check out her work at self compassion.org self compassion.org I'll also link that in the show notes for you, so if you want to see the data that backs this up, this is not just some fluffy feel good stuff. This is real, and this can become a foundational part of your self care practice that's more meaningful than you know, maybe just some like bubble baths and tea also good, but not the same. And there's a spiritual piece that I also all jokes aside, really want you to sit with self abandonment creates energetic blocks, or it makes us feel blocked in our energy. If you've ever felt blocked or stuck when you constantly ignore your own needs, when you override your own intuition, when you push through and keep powering into exhaustion, when you talk yourself. Talk to yourself internally in ways that you would never talk to someone you loved. All that really harsh inner self talk you create blind spots all around you and within you that lead to feeling blocked or stuck. Blocks in your energy field, blocks in your chakras, blocks in your ability to receive. Of blocks and your clarity on next step in life, and it really is just about unprocessed emotions or abandoning yourself and not recognizing what you need. And those type of blocks, they keep you feeling stuck. They keep you feeling small, they keep you from stepping into your full power, and sometimes they even convince you that you can't get out of your comfort zone. So when I talk about self love languages, I'm not talking about just, you know, face masks and expensive coffee treats. I'm talking about practical spiritual practices that can align you with your own soul's truth, and that helps to clear your energy and strengthen your connection with source, with your higher self, with your soul self, whatever supports your belief system. Because whatever you're not an energetic match for, can't kind of stick or stay with your energy. I'm talking about treating yourself like the sacred being that you really are. Because you are sacred. Your body is a temple. We know this, right? Your energy is precious. Your time is valuable. We are not guaranteed any certain amount of time here on this plane, as we know and your soul really deserves to be honored you chose to come in this specific body, in this specific lifetime, there's something to honor there that's sacred, right? And when you start operating from that truth, when you start loving yourself in ways that your soul actually needs to be loved and receives love, that is when kind of magical things kind of start to happen. So I feel like that's when we are the most aligned. That's when we become almost more magnetic for all the things that we have been maybe trying to force or chase or hustle towards. Because when we're finally vibrating in alignment like that, vibrational alignment with our soul self, we know and own our own worth. Okay, so are you still with me? Do you feel what I'm talking about? Do you smell what the rock is cooking? This is why the work matters. This is why that inner work, that personal development, this is a little bit of what we're doing today, just learning a little bit about ourselves. So let's get into the how, now that we understand a little bit more about what the love languages are and why this is such a powerful tool to use for ourselves. Let us get into how can we do this? How are we going to use this? Okay, so love languages applied to yourself, is really what I want to dive into next. This is the good stuff. This is where we get practical. I'm going to walk you through all five love languages, one for each Oh, and for each one, I'm going to break down what it will look like if you're not yourself, like loving yourself in this language, and what it will look like if you are. So hopefully you'll see the gist as we go. It's super practical, actionable examples you can start today, and the spiritual or energetic angle of this is also really important. So let's get into it. I want to first dive into this first love language, words of affirmation. And as always, as you listen to this episode and see what resonates with you and what doesn't, it's okay to take what resonates and leave the rest. It's always okay. It's always kind of what we're working from, right? So if your love language is words of affirmation, that's the one where you need to hear the love. You need verbal encouragement, compliments, words of appreciation. Words matter to you a lot, and when you're not doing this for yourself, it can look like almost that harsh, brutal self talk, constant self criticism, whether it's in a voice in your head or whether it's just you being frustrated or angry at yourself. It can be beating yourself up for like little mistakes, or even when you're not perfect, right? This This can tip into some perfectionism. With this one. It can be dismissing compliments that other people try to give you. It can be ignoring your own accomplishments. I mean, no one wants to sound conceited, but it's okay to celebrate yourself, right? We don't want to ignore your accomplishments just running this kind of internal dialog, which is some version of like, I'm not good enough, or I'm not smart enough, or I'm not doing enough, or I should be I should be better, I should be more. You should know this by now. Does any of this sound familiar to any of you? So when you are loving yourself in this love language, it looks like speaking to yourself with words that you would speak to your best friend or a sweet little baby, or, you know, maybe your own kiddo or. Maybe someone else that is, like, very close to you, with kindness, with encouragement, with compassion. It's using words of affirmation, but not like toxic positivity, kind where you're just lying to yourself, or like fluffing up your feathers for no reason. I'm talking about like real, grounded affirmations that feel true, things like I'm doing the best that I can, or I'm learning and growing every day, or I'm proud of how I handled that situation, right? Are you giving yourself positive feedback about the things that are good, bright, wonderful as you go throughout the day. That's what this is. And you could also think about even doing something like journaling your wins, celebrating yourself, saving kind messages or compliments so that you can go back and read them if you need a boost or if you need to be reminded. So I'm going to give you some super practical examples for this, words of affirmation, love love language. I'm just going to run through them because we've got five of these to get through. So here are some super practical examples of how you can use the words of affirmation love language for yourself. It could be those morning mirror affirmations where you look at yourself like right in the eyes in a mirror, and you say something kind and make it specific here. Don't just say, like, I'm amazing. That feels fake. Say I'm proud of myself for getting out of bed today, even though I was exhausted or I'm I'm so proud of you that you showed up for that hard conversation and did your best, right? So it's saying something that's like, more specific and more true. And as part of this, if you want to take to the next level with these mirror affirmations, you could write yourself a love letter. I know it sounds cheesy, but just do it once and see if you like it. Write yourself like you're writing to someone that you like, truly adore, tell yourself what you appreciate about you, what you're proud of, what you see in yourself. You can really even go back and like reflect on how far you've come in this letter, if you want, from a different version of you to who you are now. So that can be a really special way of applying this love language to yourself. Another idea is to keep a wins folder on your phone. It could just be like screenshots of nice texts or DMS or emails or comments, and anytime someone says something kind or like gives you a nice compliment or acknowledges you. You could screenshot it and save it. Or you could even write a little note, you know, to yourself about it in your Notes section. And then when you're having a rough day, or when you want to just practice your mirror affirmations, you could read some of them. You could journal three things that you're proud of of yourself for, you know, every night before you go to bed, just three. It doesn't have to be huge. It could be like I drank my water today. It could be I was kind to a stranger. It could be I finished that project I've been putting off for me recently. It was like I went I did a round of clearing from my closet, and I'm super proud of that, because it was busting at the seams. And it could just be acknowledging something you did that was hard or something that you maybe didn't do perfectly, but you did your best at right? Just three little notes to yourself in the evening. Now, here's a little bit more on the spiritual angle. Words are energy in more of the like Wiccan traditions, the reason they call it a spell is because you're writing words. You're spelling it out like spelling is about a spell, because words have power. So hate to burst your bubble if you didn't know that. But words are energy. They are incredibly powerful. The words you speak to yourself literally shape your reality. They shape your vibration. They move your frequency. They really manifest as energy that you're emanating out into the world. And if you want to call in love, if you want to call in abundance, or joy or opportunities, you have to speak those frequencies first to yourself, because you're you want to magnetize to that, right? You can't walk around telling yourself you're a failure. Expect the universe to bring you loads of success, right? It just doesn't work like that. You have to be a match for that energy, and that starts with affirming yourself. So if words of affirmation is your love language, this is your spiritual practice, speak life over yourself. Speak truth into yourself, speak kindness and grace and gratefulness and compassion and love, your soul is listening 100% of the time, okay? Love Language number two, for self, love quality time, if quality time is. Your love language, that means that you feel the most loved when someone gives you their full undivided attention, no distractions, just like full presence. And when you're not doing this for yourself, it can look like never being alone without a distraction, filling every single moment with productivity or numbing or scrolling or Netflix binging or staying busy, busy, busy, always distracted, always doing something, never just still by yourself. And this can even tip into feeling guilty for doing nothing. I just was having this conversation with a client earlier this week that they were struggling with this next phase of their life, and they were feeling really guilty for like, doing nothing, is what they kept saying. They were really never just being with themselves. And here's the thing, if you can't be alone with yourself, if you're constantly avoiding your own company, that's a little bit of a red flag. That's a sign that something's a little off, and it might be something you can work on within yourself. I if, if you're new here, I always recommend trying to find a wonderful therapist, if that is within your means and capabilities. I think that can also be really helpful. But you, we, you, me, all of us need to be able to be alone with ourselves and when we are loving ourselves in this quality time love language, it can look like intentional solo time, even if it's just 10 minutes a day where you're like fully present with yourself, no phone, no to do list, just you with yourself. It can be taking yourself on a date, a coffee shop, solo a nature walk, a museum. You guys know, I love my museums, a bookstore. Just you with your own thoughts, spending time with yourself. It can look like meditation, journaling, creative hobbies, but doing them without multitasking, right? It's just being fully in the experience by yourself, with yourself. I'm going to give you some practical examples, because some people, you know, we all sometimes it's hard to be creative for ourselves. So this can look like just daily practice of five to 10 minutes of meditation or breath work, or focusing on your breath, just sitting, breathing, being with yourself, no agenda. This can look like a weekly like artist date with yourself. This can be this is I wrote a little note here for myself that there's a book called Julia Cameron. It's called The Artist's Way, and in the book, she talks about once a week taking yourself on a little solo adventure. So highly recommend that book. If you are an artist or a creative of any kind, which, if you're here, you probably are. So something that fills your creative well. It could be nature. It could be a visit to a thrift store. It could be sitting in a park and people watching, like just you exploring, being present with yourself. You could consider doing a phone free morning or evening. A phone free morning looks like just don't check your phone for the first hour that you're awake. Give that time to yourself to be the first thing that you focus on in the day. You could journal. You could do some stretching. You could make your coffee kind of slowly and with ease. You could just sit in silence, just to be with yourself before you let the whole world in to your experience solo nature walks that you're actually there and present are really amazing. Like not on a call, not listening to a podcast, not writing your to do list, but just walking, noticing, just being. And the spiritual angle here for this one is you can't hear your intuition or your spirit guides or loved ones. On the other side, if you're never still quality time with yourself is quality time with your soul. There's this, I don't love this word, but it's almost like a download or information that can kind of come into our awareness or into our mind, and when we're constantly consuming or distracted or constantly doing something, we're drowning out that still small voice, that inspiration, that clarity, those moments of just wisdom dropping in. We can totally drown it out if we are having, you know, consuming information in in a like tech and data way around us constantly, we're not available for our intuition. You can create that space, though, like it's about thinking, When can you get quiet? When can you just sit with yourself? That's when the magic and the inspiration starts to come into your energy field, and then it can drop in at any point, that's when you get ideas and insights and nudges from spirit. So if quality time is your love language, then this is a non negotiable for you. You need to find some way to have that time with yourself, by yourself for. Yourself, it is sacred time, and I would suggest finding what works for you and then really creating, like some boundaries or protection around getting to have that time with yourself to fill up your own cup. The next love language, number three is receiving gifts. Again. This one gets misunderstood. A lot people here receiving gifts, and they think it's like, shallow or materialistic, but like we were talking about, it's not about the stuff. It's I saw this and thought of you. I remembered you. If this is your love language, the gifts really gifts make you feel seen and valued and remembered and considered, and that's beautiful. And when you're not doing this for yourself, this receiving gifts, like giving gifts to yourself, it can look like waiting for other people to buy you things, feeling guilty for spending money or time on yourself, only allowing yourself to buy, like practical joyless necessities, never treating yourself to something special, even if it's like the 30 cents to add whipped cream to your drink. Like just not allowing yourself to have special things. Never investing in things that bring you beauty or ease or joy. It can be rough when we are not allowing ourselves to give ourselves little gifts, and when you actually are loving yourself in this love language, it can look like treating yourself. It can be rewarding yourself. It can also be things like investing in things that make your life more beautiful or easier or more joyful. This can include investing for your future. It doesn't have to be expensive. I know we hear gifts and we think, Oh, extravagant is expensive. It's not about dropping hundreds of dollars. It's about the intention behind it. So here's some practical examples. You could buy yourself flowers, or you could even pick yourself some wild flowers if you wanted to, not for any special occasion, like, just because, just because you deserve beauty in your space. You could treat yourself after an accomplishment, like, if you finished a hard project, or if you, you know, had a tough week, you could order that book that you've been wanting. You could have a little bit of takeout. You could celebrate yourself with tangible, small rewards. You can even think about keeping a wish list and choose something meaningful once a month based on like, whatever your budget is that month. It could even be something small, like a candle, a journal that 99 cents. Store, if you have any version of that near you, they sometimes have some really amazing journals, just a little side note so it could be, you know, anything, candle journal, a piece of art for your wall, a cozy blanket, something that makes you smile. I did this recently, and for me, it was something that was like this blue and white stripe print that reminded me of like the Oshkosh bagosh from when my kids were babies. So if you remember Oshkosh bagosh, you will know what I'm talking about. But it wasn't expensive. It's just, you know, so it's just something that feels significant and special to you. You can upgrade your daily experience in very small ways. Get the fancy coffee once a week instead of the regular buy the nice quality olive oil, get luxurious towels. Invest in things that make your daily life feel more luxurious. Doesn't have to mean more expensive. Give yourself the gift of ease. You could hire help, even if it's like, once a year you're going to hire someone to, like, deep clean your bathroom. It could be something like that. It could be sometimes buying the veggies they're already pre cut. It could be getting that meal kit, because, you know, you're going to have a really hard week, so you're going to have something that's already partially prepared, whatever makes life easier for you. It's a gift to yourself. The spiritual angle here is that gifts are physical representations of our worth. We shouldn't base our worth on on gifts and material items. But if we feel love this way, if this is our love language, when we invest in ourselves, whether it's time or money or energy, you're telling the universe I'm worthy of good things. I'm available, I'm valuable, I matter, I'm ready to receive good things, and the universe will respond and meet that energy. So when you operate from a place of scarcity, like, I don't deserve this or that guilt of like, self denial and like, I can't have that, it's not you know, then we block abundance. We block the flow of abundance. But when we treat ourselves well, when we invest in ourselves, when you allow yourself to receive and open the channel, you become magnetic. One of the gifts I gave myself, this is many years ago, but I was giving myself the gift. Of education. That's the thing that felt like investing in myself, that I wanted to spend my resource, my little tiny bit of money on, was education for myself. So it's totally personal to you, and what is, what feels luxurious or special or like an investment to you, and then you're sending that to the universe, and that becomes magnetic. So if receiving gifts is your love language, then let yourself have some of the things. Let yourself be treated well by you. You're not being selfish. You're just being aligned. Okay. Number four here is love language, acts of service. So if acts of service is your love language, that means when you feel most loved is when someone is doing something for you. They're taking an action. They're easing your burden. When you're not doing this for yourself, it can look like procrastinating on things that would make your life so much easier. It can look like letting your space become chaotic in a way that feels really draining for you. It can be never meal prepping, like always scrambling at the last minute for just like whatever you can throw together easily instead of something that's like really nourishing or or feels nice for you. It could be even something like ignoring your health or putting off doctor's appointments, or not moving your body, not getting a decent amount of sleep, like staying up too late, eating all the time things that make you feel sick, basically, future you is struggling because present you isn't setting them up for success. So when you are loving yourself with this love language, acts of service, it can look like and remember personalized for everyone, but it can look like doing things for you that make it easier for your future self, like acts of service to yourself in the future. So here's some practical examples. Meal Prep is one of my favorites, personally, for this for future you or future me. So pick a day that's like one of your days off, or when you have a little bit more time so that you're not scrambling through the whole week, even if it's just like making a batch of rice or beans or chopping up some vegetables, or making a list of what you're going to make and making sure you have the ingredients for the week, whatever makes cooking easier for you. For example, it could even be like setting up your space the night before. I often do this, lay out your clothes, prep your coffee like I put water in the coffee machine. I make sure there's coffee inside there. Not every day, but most days, you can tidy up your kitchen, you can kind of get your lunch made or started. It's doing the little things now I usually pack my work backpack doing the little things now so that tomorrow you wakes up with ease, feeling cared for, feeling prepped for not feeling chaotic. For some this can be decluttering organization, like, if your space affects your energy, which it does for most of us, a cluttered space creates like mental clutter or stress, or makes us feel scattered, like we can't focus and get things done sometimes. So it could even be like doing future you a favor and creating a clean, peaceful like I keep doing this with my hand swirling my hand in front of me, because this is my office side of my office side of the house. So for me, it's like keeping a little tidy office area that I can just sit down and record or jump on a zoom or teach with ease. I'm setting that up for future me so that if she has a busy day, she can just slide right in and it's already ready for her. So what are the things for you that you can do? Book the dentist appointment, handle the annoying tasks, set the auto pay for the bill, fix the thing that's been broken for months, get it done so it's not weighing on you. And so future you is like, oh my gosh, thank you. Yesterday me for doing that. A big one for a lot of us is going to bed early. This is an act of service to tomorrow. You give yourself the gift of rest. The spiritual angle here really is about honoring ourselves as a vessel, right? This human experience we live in a human body that is the vessel that allows our soul to move through this 3d reality. Our bodies are sacred. They are our sacred personal space, our energy is sacred. When you me, all of us, when we take care of these things, we're saying like, hey, this temple matters. I'm worthy of beauty, of functionality, of peaceful environment. I'm worthy of health and ease and care. And that energy that like reverence for yourself, it radiates outward, and people can feel when you honor yourself, and they start honoring you too a lot of the time. So if acts of service is your personal love language, do. Do the things, take care of yourself in practical ways. Future you is counting on you, and that is how she feels loved. So let's get into this last love language, physical touch. I think this one's often misunderstood, to be honest, if physical touch is your love language, that is when you feel most loved through physical connection and affection. Now, when it comes to other people, it's about hugs and hand holding and cuddles and touching someone the arm when you're talking to them, all of that. But when it comes to yourself, it's about how you touch your own body, how you treat it, how do you connect with it? When you're not doing this for yourself, it can look like, never touching your own body with tenderness or care, rushing through your showers, getting dressed in a hurry, not putting on lotion, being rough with yourself, ignoring your body cues, hunger or fatigue or pain, treating your body like a tool or sometimes even like an inconvenience instead of the sacred vessel that lets you move through this life experience. So when you are treating yourself lovingly with this love language, this physical touch, what it can look like is touching yourself with gentleness, care, reverence, maybe it's the way that you make time and ease to really, like lotion your whole entire body, not just the elbows, right, but like, the whole thing. Maybe you take a little extra time to do some sort of, like night care routine, or, like face massage for yourself, or hand cream for yourself, or something like that. A little bit of self massage. Maybe you give yourself a little foot massage or scalp massage, or even, like, do some version of little wrist massage with lotion or something. It can be a ritual. It can be grounded. It can feel really nice. It can be just having gentleness with yourself, because it's these bodies are so precious, right? So it can even look like gentle stretching or yoga for some this can be sensual touch. If that's something that you feel comfortable with. This is your body, and you can love it however it feels right to you. This can even be really making sure that we're tending to our body through doing the stretching that I was talking about, not like, oh my god, I have to, like, get this done, or I want to burn these calories, or whatever it is, it can be a little different, right, a little slower, a little softer, a little more nourishing or nurturing. So it can be things like skincare, but it can also be things how we were talking about, like for your future self, like for me, I have super sensitive skin, so if any type of like itchy tag or metal or sometimes like something with fragrance or the wrong ingredients touches my body. I'm probably going to have some version of, like, I'm itching right now, just thinking about it, I'm probably going to have some version of, like, hives or something. So that's part of touch, and what we allow to touch our body if we are sensitive and as sensitive, what I have noticed is that there are so many of people that I know that are sensitive or gifted spiritually in some way, that also have some version of autoimmune so we tend to have just extra sensitivities. So for me, I'm careful about the fabrics that I buy that are going to touch my body. I'm careful more and more the older I get, as my body seems to get, like, even more hypersensitive I am. Like, I really research the makeup that I'm going to use the sunscreen. You guys know I'm going on a trip this summer. I just ordered some sunscreen that's supposed to be really good for the type of skin that I have and where I'm going to be. So it's more than just like the way you physically touch yourself and spread lotion or do your own massage. It's the products that you're choosing and the luxurious feeling maybe you want, like a really thick, creamy lotion, because you love the way the texture feels on your body. So it's taking it and using it in every level and direction. For me, I even use, like, really, like, no dye, no fragrance, soap, laundry soap, because that will touch my skin. For me, I even think of this one as, like, internal touch. And I know that sounds weird, but what I mean by this is, this last year to do an experiment. Most of you know by now, if you've been here, that I have some tummy issues. I have something called UC, which is ulcerative colitis. And I was reading that things in like dishwasher detergents can really upset people internally that have these types of conditions like I do. So for the last year, I've been doing an experiment where I only hand wash my dishes. I don't use my dishwasher. It's like a very fancy drying rack. If you want to know the truth, I. Um, but I've been doing that as like a self care because if I put, you know, if I let those chemicals get on my utensils, and then I'm using it to eat food and it's getting in my body, that's a different version of touch. Don't you agree? So the spiritual angle with this one is this idea that our body is a sacred temple. It is the sacred home of our soul during this lifetime. It lets us move through this physical experience, and physical touch is just a different way of saying thank you to our body for carrying us through this human experience. It's grounding. It's bringing you back to your body when you've been too much in your head or too much in the world, for those of us that are empaths and sensitives and intuitives, we can get so ungrounded. We're, you know, sometimes working in spiritual realms, and we're feeling everyone else's energy, or we're too in our heads. Physical Touch can bring us back. It can anchor us. It can remind us that we're here on this body, on this earth, even something like tapping, where we're working, like, with actual tapping or pressure points on our energetic meridians of our physical body, this counts as physical touch. So anyone doing like, Yeah, any version of like tapping, EFT, it's sometimes called this also counts under this, loving your body with physical touch. It's the only you, the only body that you have in this lifetime. So be tender and honor your body. Okay, so I want to talk just quickly about how to identify your self love language here. So now you're probably starting to get a sense of which Love Languages resonate with you the most. But let me give you just a few questions to kind of reflect on, to help you get maybe even a little bit more clear. So if you want to grab a journal, if you're sitting around listening to this and not driving or walking or doing any of the things, you can write down these questions and think about them, or you can even come back and write them down and go through them later. Question one, when you feel totally depleted, what do you crave the most? Do you crave hearing like certain kinds of words? Do you crave alone, time to recharge? Do you want someone to buy you something or a treat or of some kind? Do you want someone to do something to make your time easier, your day easier? Do you want a hug or physical comfort? Pay attention to where your mind goes and what you feel about that. When you feel totally depleted, what do you crave the most? Your depletion often points towards your love language, right? Because it's how do you feel? How do you feel loved in a tough time? Okay? Question two, what form of self care feels most rejuvenating to you? It's not what's easiest. It's not what you think you should choose as your answer. But what actually fills your cup for you? You don't have to share these answers with anybody. Is it journaling and affirmations? Is it taking a solo walk by yourself? Is it buying yourself some flowers or a new scarf? Is it cleaning up your space? Is it getting a massage? So what form of self care feels the most rejuvenating for you? In actuality, not who you want to be. Question three, when someone shows you love, what hits the deepest is it when someone gives you a compliment, when someone gives you their full and divided attention, when someone buys you a gift, when someone does something really helpful for you, or when they give you a hug? Does one of these make you feel most loved out of these, like if you had to choose one, when you receive love from someone else, what kind of hits the deepest Okay? Number four, when you complain about not getting enough of something, what are you complaining about? Do you complain that no one ever tells you they appreciate you? Do you complain that no one ever makes time for you, or that no one gets you thoughtful gifts, or that no one helps you, or that no one's giving you affection or touching you? When you think about the complaints you have like about not getting enough of something, what are you not getting enough of? That might cue you into that love language too. So whatever you're complaining about not getting, that's probably your love language. Okay, now here's the thing. You might be multilingual. Most people have, like I was saying before, a primary love language and at least one secondary one. And some people are fluent in three or even all five. But usually we can kind of rank them into some version of a hierarchy of like, well, this one's probably the most and this one's probably the least, and then figure out the middle. But if you want to figure out your primary one again, you can take that quiz at five love languages.com it's totally free. It takes like, five or 10 minutes just answer all the questions. And think about them in terms of yourself, not your relationships with others, but within you, yourself, within yourself. And again, it's okay to have one or two or for several of the love languages to resonate with you in different degrees. And once you know your love language, you can start really being intentional about filling your own cup in a way that your soul actually needs, that you actually receive and experience love in this lifetime. Because what I want you to understand is self love is not one size fits all. What works for someone else or even for me might not work for you, and that's okay if your love language is quality time you don't need to force yourself to do daily affirmations. If that feels empty to you, go take a solo walk instead. If your love language, for example, is acts of service, you don't need to buy yourself flowers. If that doesn't move the needle for you, don't do it. Do some meal prep or instead of buying flowers, buy yourself those carrots that already are chopped up, instead that probably feels more loving to you, honor what actually fills your personal cup, not what Instagram or Tiktok says, not what your best friend does, what actually works for you. And that's the beauty of this framework. It gives you permission to love yourself in a way that actually matters to you. So let's talk a little bit more about what happens when you actually start doing this, loving yourself with one or many of these love languages, when you start filling up your own cup using your own love language, what I've seen, both in my own life and with clients and friends, is intuition also gets clearer, because when we're not running on empty, when we're actually taking care of ourselves, we can hear our own inner guidance, or sense it or feel it. The noise kind of quiets down. The clarity comes through. We can attract better relationships, more experiences into our lives, because when we are modeling self love, we're showing the universe and the humans around us by the way, that you're worth it, that people can rise and meet the standard that you are holding for yourself, about yourself, or sometimes they fall away. And either way, honestly, that's a win. You have more energy to give to others or to yourself without resentment if you're not giving it to people that don't truly actually care about you, and when your own cup is full, you can pour into others from that overflow, not from a place of depletion, and that feels completely different because you're giving in a way that you want to, not because you're giving in a way that you feel obligated to or guilty about doing or not doing. When you raise your vibrational frequency, you really start to understand that even your time, your attention, is a precious resource, and really, you've got to give it to yourself first. And when you're aligned with your own worth, when you're treating yourself well, your energy shifts, you become magnetic in a totally different way. Opportunities show up. Synchronicities happen. Doors open. Sometimes gifts can rise to the surface in a different way. I had a client recently. I'll give you a quick example. We'll call her Sarah. She is and was burnt out. She is a mom. She runs her own very successful business. She's a powerhouse. She's always taking care of everyone else, and she came in because she felt totally disconnected from her intuition. Often, that's when people come to me for coaching. She just couldn't make decisions within her own life, in work she could, but in her own life, she was struggling, and she felt like she was really empty and like there was nothing left. And so I asked her, when was the last time she did something like just for herself, when was the last time that she really kind of filled up her own cup, like we've been talking about, and she just started crying, because the answer was never. She couldn't even remember the last time she prioritized herself or did something not because, oh, I'm going to I have to make friends with my kids, friends moms, or I have to volunteer at this school event, or, you know, this company thing, like she could not even remember when was the last time she did something to prioritize herself that was just for her and wasn't connected to Any thing else that she had to do. So we figured out her love language, and it was quality time, and I challenged her to take 20 minutes a day, not even every single day, just a couple times a week, just for herself, no phone, no kids around her, no work, just her, by herself and her own energy. She and I'm so excited to share what happened. Within two weeks, she was getting inspiration again. Her intuition was right there, just where she left it. She was making decisions with more confidence. She felt like she had more energy for her kids and her business, and everything shifted. Of course, everything's not perfect, right? Life is still messy and busy and with lots of other personalities, but it was how she felt within herself, because she finally started honoring herself and stopped totally ignoring herself and putting herself all the way to the back of the bus, right? That ripple effect, the the ripple of truly honoring yourself when you fill your cup up, everything else flows from that. All right, so let me do a little wrap up here, and then we will close out, because I feel like I've given you a lot to think about and assess within yourself. We have covered a lot today. We talked about all five of the love languages. I'll run them over one more time, words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. We talked a little bit about why these Love Languages matter, especially as self love, and especially as spiritually sensitive beings, highly sensitive people, empaths, because when we try to pour from an empty cup, our relationship with ourselves really sets the the tempo and the energy for everything else, and we can't keep giving from such a depleted place. And I know bubble baths don't work for me, and I know they don't work for some of you. Some of you, if you love them, that's great, too, but it's just something else I wanted to offer you. We really talked today about what these Love Languages look like when we apply them to ourselves, and hopefully any one of these practical examples that I shared either is something you can hold on to and try, or inspires you for something else that feels more resonant with you that you might try. So here is your homework, or my challenge to you, if you choose to accept it, think about this week, picking your primary love language, just one that's enough, just one that resonates with you most, and commit to one act of self love in that love language every day for one week, just one. Keep it super simple. If it's words of affirmation, just like write yourself a kind note every single morning, like 10 seconds. If it's quality time, take 10 minutes solo time free of phones and alerts and all that 10 minutes, if it's acts of service, meal prep for future, you for the rest of the week. So just one thing every day, just for one week. And notice how it feels. Notice what shifts. If your energy changes, if your intuition gets clearer, even starts nudging you in a different way. It's been there all along. You just might not have been noticing it, and I promise you beautiful soul, when you start speaking your love language to yourself, your soul understands magic happens. If you do want more support, or if you want a reading of your own to learn more about yourself, you certainly can book with me on my website, joyful medium.com, in the work with me section. If you are interested in learning about signs, I still have that sign mini course sign magnet, which you can find right on the homepage of my website. And if this conversation was interesting to you, if you learn something or picked up a little tip. Or if you know someone that is an empath or a sensitive that needs to fill up their own cup, because you love them so much and you know that they give so much to the world, and you want to encourage them to fill up their own cup and show them some ways, send them this podcast episode. It might help them more than you know. I would love it if you would give me a like or a follow wherever you are watching or listening to this. And again, don't forget to check the show notes to get to that love languages website to take the free quiz from that author and that website. I will link everything below in the show notes for you. Let me know how this resonates with you. And I would love it if you would share your primary love language with me. Mine has shifted over the years, but it is a very slim margin number one quality time for me. So what is yours? Share it with me wherever you're watching or listening to this, and I am so grateful to have you here with me as always. Please know that I think you are wonderful, and I know that you are a tender soul moving through this chaotic world. So I am sending you so much love. Lots of love. Big hugs. Bye for now. From inside spirit speakeasy, you.