SEND Parenting Podcast
Welcome to the Send Parenting Podcast. I'm your neurodiverse host, Dr Olivia Kessel, and, more importantly, I am a mother to my wonderfully neurodivergent daughter, Alexandra, who really inspired this podcast.
As a veteran in navigating the world of neurodiversity, I have uncovered a wealth of misinformation, alongside many answers and solutions that were never taught to me in medical school or in any of the parenting handbooks.
Each week on this podcast, I will be bringing the experts to your ears to empower you on your parenting crusade.
SEND Parenting Podcast
Financial protection for neurodivergent children with Lisa Chauhan & Cara Roughani of Send Protect
Financial planning for neurodivergent children is not just about money but about love, responsibility, and the legacy we leave when we're no longer here.
• Cara explains how her journey with her autistic son during COVID lockdown led to creating SendProtect after noticing financial advisors weren't addressing SEND-specific needs
• SendProtect offers free educational events, webinars and consultations to help SEND parents understand long-term financial planning
• Life insurance policies should be written in trust to prevent inheritance tax and provide immediate access to funds
• Children's ISAs can become problematic at age 18 if your child lacks financial capacity, requiring court applications
• Vulnerable person's trusts provide a government-approved way to save money for SEND children without affecting benefits
• Even £5 per week can provide meaningful financial protection through properly structured life insurance
• Having a will with children's guardianship specified is essential to prevent SEND children entering temporary care
• Workplace support for SEND parents is crucial—employers need to understand the additional caring responsibilities
Join the conversation in our private WhatsApp community where SEND parents connect for support, insights and understanding. Find the link in the show notes.
Click here for SEND Protect
www.sendparenting.com
Welcome to the Send Parenting Podcast. I'm your neurodiverse host, dr Olivia Kessel, and, more importantly, I'm mother to my wonderfully neurodivergent daughter, alexandra, who really inspired this podcast. As a veteran in navigating the world of neurodiversity in a UK education system, I've uncovered a wealth of misinformation, alongside many answers and solutions that were never taught to me in medical school or in any of the parenting handbooks. Each week on this podcast, I will be bringing the experts to your ears to empower you on your parenting crusade. If you're looking for a safe space to connect with other parents navigating their neurodiverse journey, our private WhatsApp community offers support, insights and real conversations with like-minded parents who truly understand. Join the conversation today. You can find the link in the show notes.
Speaker 1:In this episode, we are diving into a topic that many of us avoid, including myself, not because it's unimportant, but because it feels too big, too overwhelming and, frankly, too emotional. How do we plan financially for our child's future when we are no longer here? As parents of neurodiverse children, we spend so much time in survival mode, fighting for support, navigating systems, advocating day after day, that thinking long-term can feel impossible. But what if it didn't have to be that way? Today, I am joined by Kara Rogini and Lisa Chauhan, founders of SendProtect, a service created by parents for parents, to help lay the financial and legal foundations our children need to thrive even in our absence. Their work is practical, yes, but it is also deeply empowering, because future planning is not just paperwork, it's an act of love.
Speaker 1:Let's welcome Kara and Lisa to the show. So welcome Cara and Lisa. It is such a pleasure to have you on the SEND Parenting Podcast today to unpick the, dare I say, scary topic of long-term financial planning, especially for our SEND children, because it's not just about the money really. It's also about love, the responsibility we feel to them and the legacy we're going to leave them when we're not here anymore. And that really can be, speaking personally and I know, for my listeners as well totally overwhelming, and many parents don't even know where to start. So I am super excited to have you answer and solve all of our problems in this realm. But let's start, cara, with a little bit about your journey with your son and then how that kind of inspired you to start SendProtect.
Speaker 2:So for me. I'd always worked in finance until I had Jaden, and then it was a really difficult time. It was COVID, so I was locked in a house with an 18-month-old little boy who, within really two to three weeks of being locked in his routine, was broke. All these little traits started to come out overnight. I remember phoning my mum and saying this can't be terrible, twos, this has to be something more. Up until that point I hadn't really noticed. I'd noticed a couple of things, like he didn't like loud noises, but I was just in complete denial that there was anything different about him. And then it was. Only then the meltdowns got really horrific. He would try to sort of self-harm head, but the wall, the floors me. And then and it was a journey I really, really struggled with I think I probably cried every day for about two years, if I'm honest.
Speaker 2:I just felt like a really terrible mum, um, because I didn't know how to help my child, and then it must be so isolating as well in in clubbing really isolating, because in that first lockdown you weren't allowed a social bubble, um, and they were doing review.
Speaker 2:You know they were doing this assessment via zoom. You know it's not realistic, so but I'm now looking back at it. I'm very grateful for that because it meant I got his diagnosis a lot sooner than I would have done if it wasn't for lockdown. I actually went and did a course on when they said oh, we think your son's autistic. For me I didn't know what that looked like for an 18 month old because he was nonverbal. I didn't really understand what autism was. I was a bit naive. So I went and did a course on it to try and understand how I could help my child. And then it was a really.
Speaker 2:Next two years was just a really. It was just a fight trying to get any help, and I think more so because of the time of lockdown. But it was a very, very lonely journey, if I'm honest. I felt like there was nobody that understood. I felt like, you know, there was no groups, no support groups, you know, because it was just that difficult time. Then I got his diagnosis.
Speaker 2:But what I realized during that time was actually, you know, I'd worked in financial services for over 20 years. Then I realized that families are being given incorrect information not intentionally, but financial advisors aren't asking the right questions and it's only because they don't understand SEND needs. I was a financial advisor before that. I didn't ask questions and I didn't understand disabilities and what SEND was. Then I was like okay, so people? I'll give you an example.
Speaker 2:If you saw a financial advisor, they would tell you you need life cover until your child is 23 or 18 if they don't go to university, because then that child leaves home at some point, gets a job and they're dependent on themselves. That is not right for our children. So the advice you are being given is based on that. For example, my child will always be vulnerable. Therefore, he's always going to need some form of money or assets or some help past the age of 23, because he may live with me forever. So this is where I noticed that, ok, this is, this is somewhere where I can help, because this is what I understand. I always wanted to help. I just didn't know how to help. So I thought, right, well, this is what I'm good at. Let me try and create something where I can help families like mine. Um, and then that's how I came up with the idea of Semprotech.
Speaker 1:Semprotech was born yeah, and Lisa, how did you, you know, come along this journey of of being part of Semprotech?
Speaker 3:Well, me and.
Speaker 3:Cara have been friends for many, many years. Uh, we used to live in the Middle East, in Dubai, together and we've, you know, when we both became mothers in London, we gravitated towards each other. We built our friendship, you know, even stronger and we Cara had the idea and I was like, yeah, how do I get involved? Let's help, let me, let me go on this journey with you. I came from a marketing and business development background and also did events, so that's how, you know, I put those pieces together and Cara obviously knew all the financial knowledge and those connections.
Speaker 2:And I think for me, lisa has been on the journey with me. She saw I always joke she saw all the meltdowns mine, not Jaden's. She was the one at the end of the phone or on Teams or Zoom, or when I was having the tears of the meltdown saying I need help. So she sort of she gets it, she understands.
Speaker 1:just because she doesn't have a neurodiverse child doesn't mean she doesn't understand it because she's been on the journey with me and it sounds like you guys both have talents that complement each other and have led you to be able to build Send Protect. How does Send Protect actually work?
Speaker 2:So Send Protect. I set it up to give. I wanted to be able to go out and give free education and free events to families to help educate them. So I always use Martin Lewis as a really good analogy. Martin Lewis is absolutely amazing. I love him. Everyone looks at him, but he is giving information to the masses. Now, our community, we're not the masses. We need something a little bit different.
Speaker 2:I don't even know who Martin Lewis is? Oh, do you know him? You'll have to go Google him. He's great. He gives you all finance stuff and tips.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's why he's like the finance guru.
Speaker 2:Yeah, finance guru. So for me it was okay. How do we run some events? So we did our. I said let's just try it. I'm not sure if this is needed. I think it is, but let's give it a go. So we did our first event. We teamed up with a local group in the area, together Space. They run family fun days for disabled and non-disabled families, so they allowed me to go along to one of their events. And then, uh, we put on event. Uh, put on our first event and we had 26 families turn up. You know, I thought three people were going to turn up, walked in the room and burst out crying because it was. It made me realize that actually there are loads of other people that felt just like me.
Speaker 2:I think my biggest fear I was what was called a geriatric mum. I had Jaden at 40. So when I had him, it was I need to get him to adulthood. If I can get him to adulthood, I'm happy. Then, when I was told he may be autistic and, like I said, I didn't know what that meant I then instantly felt I needed to live forever. One thing I can guarantee is I am going to die, I just don't know when, and that is the scariest thing.
Speaker 2:And I think for me it wasn't about Jaden being a burden for anyone, because he never would be. I've got an amazing family that would take him in if they ever needed to and friends, but he would be a financial burden if I didn't put the right things in place. So for me it was about how can I educate and teach these families what they need to do differently. You know it's so important to put a plan in place and make sure you know the only thing we can do for our children we either leave them assets. If we don't have assets, because a lot of people don't you need to take insurance policies to leave them money, but how you leave them is so important.
Speaker 2:So this is where it was about teaching people, because if you leave your child money, you are going to potentially affect their care or future benefits they may receive if you don't leave it in the right way. So it was about if I could bring in different experts to help. So what we did is we did our event. We bring in different experts to talk about different sex. You know will talk about life cover, someone will talk about estate planning, someone will talk about your pensions, and then we give you all the advice that you need, the information that you need to take away, and, if you want to, you can either go and find your own financial advisors or I have teamed up with advisors that can help you.
Speaker 1:And you offer like a free consultation call for people who have attended these events, don't you?
Speaker 2:So the events are free, we don't charge. And you know we try to make it the evening events. We put pizza and wine on for people because I like families to not feel alone. For me that journey was a very, very lonely journey and there are amazing networks out there. I just didn't know. So I like to let people get to meet other families and realize they're not so alone. And you know we have question and answer sessions. They can meet all the experts. So the evening events are really good, but we also do webinars and then we'll go do different at least organizers coffee mornings for people.
Speaker 3:We work with different community interest companies, support groups. We go in and, um, you know, host an event there, whether it be with 10 women or 20 families, 30 families. So, yeah, it's really nice. Lots of charities have got involved with us as well, so it's really rewarding to give something back and offer free financial education to families that need it so what we do then after that is we'll do the event.
Speaker 2:What I try to do, if I do an in-person event, I always try to do a webinar the week after, because what I always say is you're going to come and it's a lot of information to take in and it's very overwhelming. So I always say you're going to go home and your partner's going to go to you, what did they say? And you're going to go? Idea, there was so much you know. I scribble my notes down. So I always try to do a webinar so that the other partner can come on and then they have a chance to sit down and talk together, because you might not both be on the same page. You know, you might have one parent that's accepted the diagnosis. You might have one parent that's just not there yet or it's really scary topic to talk about, so they're not ready to talk about it. But at least if they both had the information.
Speaker 2:And then what we do is we offer them a one to one with myself and Lisa, where we do a fact find, take some information down and then I can help point out the gaps that you may have that you may not realize. And then from there. It's about looking at OK, what's your priority, what do you want to look at first? They might speak to us 10 times over the year, you know, or it might speak to us twice. It's your plan, it's your pace. It's about looking at what your priorities are and looking at what you've got already. You might not need anything, but it's just about us showing you what potential gaps you've got no-transcript.
Speaker 1:It sounds like you have some like key financial insights that we are just you know, as SEND parents not aware of. You know that even you weren't aware of, as a financial expert who knew financial gurus, you know. So are there any insights that you could give for parents who are listening today? You know you've mentioned one in terms of money and stuff like that, but what are some of the like I don't know some highlights that you could give to us that we could just take away from this podcast?
Speaker 2:I think for me it was about the first thing I would say is just acknowledging that you need to look at it. I was a financial advisor for many years. I then became the SEND parent and it was something that you know. I struggled just completing the DLA form. Right.
Speaker 1:You get that horrible 80 page DLA form which is the disability living allowance for people who don't know it, and you really have to paint your child in a really terrible picture.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So you've got to think these are topics we don't like talking about, so we put it to the back, but it's the most important thing you could probably do. So I think the first thing is to acknowledge that you need the help and you need to look at it and to make it a priority. Then I would say, to sort of dig out what you've already got. So if you've got pensions, people don't realise your pensions are your children's future savings.
Speaker 2:A lot of people have missing pensions. They don't know where they are. It's a really amazing free pension tracing service that you can go and look at and we can help you with that so we can make sure that that's set up in the right way to be passed to your children or your partner. Life covers one, you know you might a lot of people say to me we've got life cover in place but it was taken out when they took their first mortgage and they've never reviewed it. But also, you know, has that policy been written in trust? The majority that I go and look at or I've reviewed for people they haven't been put in trust.
Speaker 1:Why that's what's the implication of that? Because I actually remember someone telling me about this and I don't think I've checked.
Speaker 2:So why are trust is so important on a life policy? I'm just going to use random figures for an example. Let's just say I had a £500,000 house and no mortgage on it, but I have a £500,000 life policy. That's for my child and I don't write it in trust. If I was to die, my estate is worth a million pounds Now in the UK anything above 325, which is the inheritance tax threshold. You are taxed at 40%. So I've now lost 40% of my assets to the government that could have gone to my son by putting that policy in a trust. Think of a trust as just like a wrapper or a tin. You're going to put that policy in it or wrap it around it. That now takes it out of your estate. What that means is my estate is now valified. My estate is only worth 500,000. And that 500,000 there is in trust for Jaden, ready to be able to spend. You know. So if I was to die tomorrow, he needs money straight away. My family can access that money straight away for whatever he needs. But that's really, really important is to check. Have your life policies be written in trust. And again, because if anyone needs any help and they're just a bit stuck, they don't know what they're looking for, then they can, you know, always reach out. So those are two things.
Speaker 2:One question we get asked a lot is around children's ISAs. A lot of parents, when they have their child, they do what I did, which was I'm going to be a really good mum and save the child benefit into an ISA for him. So when he's 18, he's got that money. The problem is, if Jayden doesn't have financial sound mind when he's 18, that ISA will convert from a child ISA to an adult ISA. I can't access that money for him, but if he doesn't have financial sound mind, I'm going to have to go to the court of protection and apply for a deputyship to get that money out on his behalf, and that's not a nice process to go through.
Speaker 2:I'm helping lots of parents with that at the moment. So again, that's another little view of where maybe people are being given incorrect information. Because you say to a financial advisor oh, I want to set up some savings for my child. That's the best type of savings account. It's a tax efficient one, but it's not necessarily right for a child with SEND needs. There are loads of other things you can save into separate to that that might be right for your child.
Speaker 2:Then you can access when they're 18? Yeah, I mean, I always sort of joke, you know, just because Jayden's autistic doesn't mean he would be if he didn't have autism, doesn't mean he was going to be responsible at 18. If I'd saved £30,000 for him, he's going to go and spend that. Would I want him to have that even if he didn't have autism? No, I wouldn't, because I can't tell him he can't spend it, you know. So this is where it's about looking what alternatives are there? Alternatives are there. You know you can something.
Speaker 2:Another question we get asked a lot about is I've saved for my child. They're now going from child services to adult services and I've now lost them all their care and their benefits, because I had over 16,000 pounds. I don't know if people are aware when your child goes into adult services, they will qualify for maybe housing benefit or universal credit along with their PIP, for example. Pip is not means tested like DLA, but the other ones are. Now, if you have more than £6,000, they are deducted for every £250 of savings that they have. If they get over £16,000, they lose it. So this is where you've got to be really careful of how you're saving for your children now, because what you're doing now might affect them in the future.
Speaker 1:And for those who don't know, PIP is a personal independence payment.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So there's things you can set up for say, for example, with Jaden, I've been able to set up a vulnerable person's trust for him. You have to qualify for that either with you have to have DLA the disability living allowance or PIP, and they will qualify for that. So you can set up a vulnerable person's trust and now I can put his savings in there. It's not Jaden's savings, it's for the benefit of him, and that means my sisters can access it, my mum can access it to pay for things for him.
Speaker 1:And do you keep that then below the $16,000?
Speaker 2:threshold.
Speaker 1:No, it won't affect his money. So there's no and it won't affect him.
Speaker 2:A vulnerable persons trust is a government-approved trust for vulnerable people, because the other thing you've got to be careful of is, if I'm not here, who's managing that money for him? Is someone going to spend it? You know he's always going to be vulnerable.
Speaker 1:Do you put that in your will, then who's going to manage these funds? Or how do you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, when you set up a trust, you will pick trustees, and the name means what it says you pick people that you trust, you know so. I have my sister and I have my best friend, vicky, because between the two of them I always joke. My sister's really strict. She's never going to let anyone steal Jayden's money. He loves love at six. He's definitely going to love love at 26, you know so. He would happily give all his money away to any friends and girlfriends that he might have. So with my sister she's never letting that happen and I always joke fun. Auntie Vicky will. If he wants to go Vegas with his mate, she'll let him, but she's just going to go with him, you know.
Speaker 2:So between the two of them they were given the life that I wanted. They're yin and yang. Yeah, you need to pick people that one have your values. So, yeah, when you set that vulnerable person's trust up, you would pick trustees. And it has to be minutes in every year to justify where the money's going and things like that. So it's managed. You've got peace of mind in knowing the money is safe for your child and I imagine picking people who are young enough to be able to you know, versus like grandparents.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think people.
Speaker 2:I mean, I've been in this industry a long time and everyone got, oh, put my mom and dad down. I used to do it years ago, but actually the likelihood is my mom and dad are going to die before me, you know. So, pick people that are your age, that's a you know good, but people you trust.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, those are like some.
Speaker 2:you know, my mind is going oh my gosh, you know I've got to be calling you after the show as well. You have the lasting powers of attorneys. All these little things you don't know about, you know. I think a big misconception or a big myth is if I die, my child's going to my family. That's not necessarily the case If you don't have a will with children guardianship in. That's not necessarily the case If you don't have a will with children guardianship in. Yes, that might happen. But to start with, my family's all in Devon.
Speaker 2:Jaden's got a dad that lives in London and he's got parental responsibility. So, yes, he would go to Joe first but, depending on the situation, he might not be in a position to take him, for example. So who's deciding? It will be a court that decides. The problem is that court doesn't know that jayden likes his red ipad before his blue ipad and he likes to have it at a certain time and he likes two of every toy. So you know, if I was to die tomorrow, jayden might have to go into care for a few days or a week or a few weeks while it's decided where he's going. That is the worst thing for any send child. So, by having your will and a child, children, guardianship in there and your instructions is going to help a court or a social worker decide. Oh, this is what's supposed to be happening.
Speaker 1:And you know it's. It's bad enough that they're going to be losing you, and then absolute change of environment into child services. It's a it's. It's unthinkable. I think you know it does make, and I would advise all parents to do this, even without neurodiverse children, and often parents don't think of it because you just don't think about it. You know what I mean, but it's so important. I'm a single parent so I had to kind of think about it beforehand. You know what I mean. Like what would happen and my daughter would worry mommy, what if you die? What if you go out of the house and you die? What's going to happen to me, you know. So I have to have to share this. This is what. This is exactly what will happen. This is who's going to take care of you and this is how it's going to be, whereas some of my friends who are married, they don't have a will and they, you know, they don't. You know, oh, we'll be fine. But actually when something terrible happens, something terrible can really happen.
Speaker 2:Listen, people don't really married couples. You know they don't realize they can disinherit their own children. And it happens a lot. You know you could have husband and wife and husband dies. He leaves his assets to his wife. She remarries. Now she dies. All of their assets are going to the new husband, not necessarily their children, or send children, which is what you wanted.
Speaker 2:So you have to do the right planning. You need this proper estate planning. You need to make sure all your wills are done. Um, but as a single mum, I agree with you. You know, my biggest fear was I'm bad asthmatic. I always panic that what if something happened to me and I died in the middle of my sleep? As morbid as it sounds, I've actually taught Jaden. I have a cupboard that's low enough with food in there that he could open. I've taught him he likes orange ice lollies. I've actually taught him how to open the orange ice lolly so that there was enough lollies in there that if he could make his own drink and I don't shut the blinds so that the neighbors in the flat across would see that he was on his own for days you know you can get a button.
Speaker 1:You can get a button, yeah.
Speaker 1:I, I have a bear shirt button and I've taught my daughter how to press it and they'll come and talk to your kid in the house Like if I was unconscious on the floor, and they will actually call fire, they'll call ambulance and they'll stay on the phone with your kid. It's not a phone, it's just the button on the wall. It's 35 pounds a month and it was a big difference for Alexander feeling more secure that I know how to get help if I need it. Now she's old enough that she could use a phone, but at the age you know, when they're younger, you don't, and it's very scary and it is.
Speaker 2:It's sad that we have to think of these things, but when you've got a child that doesn't really speak or doesn't understand, you would just think mom mom's asleep.
Speaker 1:It doesn't feel comfortable going outside to go talk to. You know that that's really challenging for them and they'll even let you do practice pressing with it.
Speaker 2:I'm glad I can give some knowledge, as well as all the knowledge that.
Speaker 1:I'm taking Now I know that some people listening will be like well, what if I, you know I don't have a lot of money? Or if some people have so much money that they don't think it's a problem? I bet there's problems on both ends of the financial, the haves and the have-nots. How does your Orsen Protect deal across those kind of economic situations?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean our very first event. At the end of the event there was a mom that came up to me. She said I don't have a lot of money. I know I need to do stuff and I'm not great with money. Um, what can I do?
Speaker 2:And my attitude was everybody deserves help. Well, I don't care whether you're a millionaire or you're a mum on universal credit, because I was that mum at one point. So I just said to her do you have five pound a week? She said yeah, I could, I can manage that. Okay. Well then you don't have assets to leave, but with five pound a week I can still look at a life insurance policy for you. Your child's not going to get lots of cover, but you're young enough to be able to get him some cover. It might only be 20, 30 to 40,000 pounds, but it's something. Your child still deserves something. You're not going to get as much as somebody that might be able to afford £200 a month, but your child will still be left with something and it will still be a help. So there's still things that you can do.
Speaker 1:It doesn't matter. Like I say, if you've got five pound a week, you can have something. I think that's very comforting because I think a lot of us, when you know cost of living, crisis and all the things you try and provide for your child, right, the extra therapies, the extra kind of things that you do it leaves you, it can leave you cash poor. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, and also you've got to think when we send parents and we're looking at our financial plan, we don't just look at, we've got to remember we also have the emotional impact and the financial stress. You might have two parents that were working parents and have now got a send child. Now one of them's a full-time carer. You've just lost one salary, so you've got all that extra stress and pressure that we take on. Or you might have someone that was like a single mum, like me or you, that now can't work and we're living, to start with, we're living on benefits. You know how are we going to pay these bills? I think on Scope we have a slide that says about it. Actually, I think Scope say that for a send family it's an extra something like £581 a month that we spend just on our children.
Speaker 2:Now I can vouch for that because Jaden used to have obsessive behaviors. So he used to like to carry two toys the same toy in both his hands, but if he lost one of them he would rip my whole house apart looking for it and would not sleep the panic. So if he liked something I'd have to buy two or three of them. Well then next week his obsession was something new and I'm like, oh God, I've got to go buy more. So we do have extra costs, you know. So it makes a huge difference.
Speaker 1:It does make a huge difference, and I mean, you know people who have tons of money too. It also doesn't necessarily guarantee that you, you know, like I, have a life insurance policy as well, and if I'm worth more to her dead than alive, I joke with her. But you know very tongue in cheek. But I didn't know about the trust thing. You know what I mean. Well, actually, someone has mentioned it, but I didn't do anything about it. If I'm honest, I just kind of went. I don't even know where to call the people to find out about that. I'm sure it's in a trust, why wouldn't it be?
Speaker 2:But now you're telling me no, probably not. Do you know why? The reason it's probably not and a lot of families or not is because when you set these policies up, a lot of the time the forms just get sent to you. It's a really thick form. It's horrible to fill out. It's got lots of jargon on. I'm dyslexic. I don't read any of that stuff. Well, people just put it in the drawer or they'll go. I don't know who to put down as the trustees. We'll do it later. They put it in the drawer and then they forget. It's better to have somebody than nobody, because you can always change it.
Speaker 1:And you mentioned there about I'm writing a list of all the things I'm going to do after this I'm going to send you a list afterwards, and that would be great.
Speaker 1:Actually, if you have a list, we can include it in the show notes for people as well, because it's so easy and I'm speaking personally for myself to stick your head in the ground about this stuff because you're just so scared about it and you don't or in my case also, I kind of thought, oh, I'm doing okay, but actually I didn't know what I didn't know.
Speaker 2:And I think you mentioned that about wealthy people. Wealthy people have the. You know they have their own problems because if they don't leave their assets in the right way, they are losing a lot of it in inheritance tax. So you have to do proper planning, which is why we use an estate planner. You know I always say if you go to a solicitor, they take your instructions, and the estate planners that we use they will also give you the tax advice on how to pass your assets down in a way that's tax efficient. So that's the sort of difference between a solicitor and estate planner. You know they're looking at how can you pass it down in the right way that's not going to affect your children in the future.
Speaker 1:So it's getting that right skill set? Yeah, because you can't direct someone if you don't know what you're directing Exactly, you can't do it very effectively. Now, in terms of the coffee events, do you do them around England, like Lisa? Can you tell me a little bit about, like, what you organize, how you organize them? If any of my listeners are listening and think to themselves, wow, I have a community group or I have you know, I would love to be able to attend one of these events.
Speaker 3:How does it work? So we work with charities, support groups, various different community interest companies. If your listeners are part of these organisations, they can get in contact with SEM Protect and we help facilitate those events. So we'll go in, we'll have our presentation, we'll talk to the parents that are there about things that they have to do and put in place and we're building up that community, that place where you're not alone. There's loads of other families that are going through the same thing.
Speaker 2:But we will go anywhere, won't we? We'll host webinars, but we like a day trip away. Yes, it's away from the kids for a day.
Speaker 1:We're happy to travel. It is nice to meet up in person and then I like the idea of having the webinar after, because, as a SEND parent, when you first start out on the journey, you don't know any other SEND parents and you don't know what again, you don't know what you and you feel I think you know it's the commonest statement I ever hear is I felt the podcast. I didn't know anyone else, I didn't know where to get the information other than, like, I'm a doctor so I can like research, pubmed, but that wasn't really helping me, you know, in terms of you know realizing that you're not alone, that there's lots of other parents out there and that you know there are communities that you can be part of.
Speaker 3:There's loads of amazing communities out there and I think what makes SEMPRETECH so special is that we are offering such a unique service. Um, you know, we're able to connect with families and and have a safe space to talk about your family's needs and offer them additional information and additional support. Where it comes to you know, whether you're um, you know, need that financial advice or information of what you can do differently.
Speaker 2:And it is a safe space. You know, this is what I say to people. Some people are a bit embarrassed that they've not done anything and I say to them look, I was a financial advisor and I hadn't done everything and I knew how important this stuff was. Right, it wasn't until I had Jaden. I'm like I really need to get this all updated now. You know so and there's I would say there's no such thing as a stupid question. You know, I've had lawyers ask me. You know, get upset and say you know, I don't know what to do with my child, and I'd say, well, that's because you're amazing at law. You're not great at finance, and that's okay, that's what we're here to help for. So it is a very safe space to help with what you need.
Speaker 1:Because I think a lot of also parents myself included is I don't know what my daughter's earning potential is. Do you know what I mean? I don't think she's going to do really well on the GCSEs, but I don't know what her future holds. So you almost don't know what you need to prepare for.
Speaker 2:So this is what I always say to everybody. It's about having a plan At the moment. A couple of years ago I didn't have a plan. I just didn't know what I was doing because my head was all over the place. You need a plan. But the difference with our children? Those plans can change.
Speaker 2:So a plan only works if you review it, that's whether you've got a child with additional needs or not, right? So for me, a couple of years ago, jaden was completely non-verbal. His meltdowns were really bad. I did think that he may need assisted living. Two years down the line, he's in a really great space at the moment. I'd like to think that he might be able to live on his own with a bit of help and he's now talking. But I'm also very aware that when his hormones kick in in his teenage years, he could regress and that could all change again.
Speaker 2:So my plan I review it every year. Now I look at okay, well, do I need to tweak it, do I not? We've got an amazing tool called it's called cashflow planning. This is what I would normally do, or a financial advisor would normally do on a. You might want to look at retirement planning. So we'll look at your retirement planning, but what I'm able to do is do it on your child. So I did this for Jaden. Okay, if, if I die tomorrow, what does he need? Rather than me going, I think I need £100,000 worth of life cover or I need to leave him this. Well, let's actually look at what he needs.
Speaker 2:So for me, his special interest is his computers. He likes his games, so I want to make sure there's at least £200 there a month for my mum to be able to get you know on her little pension. She can't afford to buy all his little Robux that he likes and his little games, so I wanted to make sure there was enough there for that. I want him to have a holiday every year, whether that's in the UK or abroad, but I also want him to have all his clothes and his little things that he likes. So I've been able to factor that in One of my clients. They have a child with cerebral palsy. They spend money on physio every day that the NHS doesn't pay for. They're always going to have that cost. So we factor that in so then I can show you. Actually, this is what your child will need.
Speaker 2:If you are not here from tomorrow, how are you going to leave that child money? You either leave them the assets, you leave them insurance or you leave them a combination of both. But now how are we going to leave those assets to your child? We need to make sure it's structured properly, that you do have the trusts in place, that you do have your will in place. Have you done your beneficiaries on your pensions? All these little things that will need to be done. But, like I say, that's why we're there to help guide you. And then, as things change, you have a review every year to make sure that actually, yeah, there have been some changes and we now need to do this and we need to tweak things because, like you say, you don't know what's going to happen with your daughter.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it makes sense actually. So instead of and that that makes it less scary too so, instead of looking at, oh my God, how am I going to if she can never have a job? How am I going to support her for the rest of her life? Instead, you're looking at no, look at right now. If you were to die right now, what's what's going to? And making sure that you've got your life cover, because that sounds to me like the best way to actually, if you are to pop off, that you've got some assets.
Speaker 2:It just means there's money there straight away for someone to be able to access for them. And it's also, you know, we are living in the UK. We are very lucky. I know sometimes it doesn't feel like we get help from the government, but they do help our children.
Speaker 1:They will pay towards.
Speaker 2:America. You know I deal with families from other countries that are here say you know you're very blessed in the UK because our children will get looked after. There are care needs for them that other countries don't have, so you know we can factor that in. I've got a really good contact that helps me with any care questions because I don't work in care. But you know I've got a lady that does always help if somebody needs to talk around the care options.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's getting the right experts to be able to guide you and taking away the unknown and kind of checklisting what you need to do, and then that takes a huge pressure off of yourself and you can stop sticking your head in the ground like I have. I've definitely got a to-do list to do after this.
Speaker 2:Listen, I've got one client from a year ago and she'll go. I am intentionally ignoring you, but can you phone me in three months? They're just not ready yet, you know. But they still want that little poke in a few months to say do you want to chat yet?
Speaker 1:You know, we just we joke about it but you've got to be ready and to do this. Is there? No?
Speaker 2:There's always costs involved with products. So, for example, our time is completely free. Our experts' time is completely free. You can speak to them as many times as you want, get all the advice that you need. There's no cost for that. If, for example, you needed to take out a will and a vulnerable person's trust, there is a cost with that. But the agreement I have is you know, with our estate planners, uh, foresight they put, have heavily discounted. Um, they've done a discounted package for some protect clients. So it just helps with the cost a little bit, because these things can be expensive.
Speaker 2:Um, with, let's just say, you needed help with your life insurance, there's no cost. I'm a protection specialist. There's no cost to me sitting down and going through your protection and doing a cash flow plan for you. With any insurance plan, there are costs. There are commissions that are paid, but there's no cost to you. So with any plan, there are costs, there are commissions that are paid, but there's no cost to you. So, with any product, there are costs within that product, but that's always explained to you. But yeah, our time's free. The events are free. Like I say, you can get as much help as you need it's an incredible resource I was just gonna say we've actually got a webinar coming up.
Speaker 3:so if anybody off, anybody would like to join, it's on the 20th of May, tuesday 20th of May, and they can go to.
Speaker 1:I'm not sure if this will have gone live yet by then, I'm afraid. But if you have a schedule of events I can include that in the show notes. But what I will do is I'll put it out on my Send community. So if you guys can give me the web link, I've got about 200 moms on my Send community who are from the podcast and they're a huge support to everyone so it can get them excited about this podcast and also get them that help, because I know it's a big worry for all parents. It's a different trajectory, like you say, than your kid leaving at 18 and you're not. You know it's, you know it's. It's just very different than what maybe we were used to.
Speaker 2:Well, we always. I mean SEMPRETECT was set up to help educate you on how to protect your child's financial future. But to protect your child's financial future, you've got to look at your own finances, because you might have been planning your retirement and you you know, you and your partner, you've got all these big plans of retirement, but now you've got someone living with you right through your retirement, so can you afford that? This is where you know it's not just about protecting your child. We need to look at what you've got also. So that's what we do is okay let's look at you.
Speaker 2:What have you got? Can you retire at 65 or 68? You know there's some plans we've done 65 or 68, you know there's some plans we've done. I'm like you're going to have to work a bit longer. There's others where I've gone. You've done great and you can go at 58, you know. But it's about looking at what you've got and then going okay from that. Is your child going to be living with you or do you want to put them into assisted living at some point? Every family is very, very different. The advice is always very different.
Speaker 1:Well, that's why it sounds like it's really personalized to your situation, which I think is really really nice, and that you know it's being able to feel that it's a safe place where you can discuss all those fears and what you have and what you don't have with you guys. That, then, makes a really solid plan moving forward.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I, you know I'm very flexible with my time and so are the experts that we use, and they all understand Send because I've done all training with them. But also I say, don't worry, if you need an appointment at 8 o'clock at night and your child is swinging from the lampshade with two iPads, like Jayden, is that is okay, because my child is doing exactly the same as yours and Jayden does just lovely Say hi on the Teams.
Speaker 1:You really get it, and you're also branching out now to help people in the workplace too with Send Protect in the workplace.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so Send, protect in the workplace. The reason we wanted to do this I've been through the experience of. I had an employer that got rid of me because they wouldn't understand that Jaden was going through an autism assessment and they used excuses of you can't do this, you can't do that, but the reason was they knew I was going to need a lot of time off. For me that was a really difficult time. I then found an amazing employer who my job interview was I need to work from home, I need this much money. I don't know if I can come in every day because my child might be having a meltdown, and they just laughed what else? Well, what else? But they just get it because they already support lots of charities of disabled children. They were so amazing and on my first day at work Jaden did have a meltdown and I sat crying on Teams to my boss going I'm so sorry. And then that little boy was behind me going hi, you know. And I'm thinking, oh, it looks like a bride. They know, they know, but for me, having that amazing boss and that amazing company made such a difference.
Speaker 2:There's so many parents that are carers and their employers don't even know. We're having to juggle all the holidays. We're having to juggle the hospital appointments, the forms, ehep forms, all this extra stuff that we just have to do, and you're taking that extra stress to work. So it was about if we could go into the workplace and offer free webinars or days where we go in and talk to the staff. That can take off a lot of pressure, but it makes the employer aware of what these parents are going through. Half the employers don't even know that some of their staff are carers as well. And you are allowed so many days unpaid a year I think it's five days you're allowed unpaid a year under the Carers Act, extra for appointments, and people don't realise this. So if we can go in and just empower these employers and the employees with giving free webinars, then again it just takes a bit of pressure off. I think the stat was something like 88% of parents are stressed about their finances. Well, we can come in and help with that.
Speaker 1:And I think you know they're constantly talking on the news about how. You know we need more people to come back into the workforce. I know a lot of moms who have had to leave the workforce, including my job. You know I couldn't keep up a corporate job in a pharmaceutical company at a director level and be the mother my daughter needed me to be, so it was a choice, you know.
Speaker 2:That's where we meet so many. Me and Lisa meet. So many send moms that have set up their own businesses because it allows you to work around your child. But there are lots of amazing employers out there that want to help and will allow you to work around the hours and that was what my boss allowed me to do. To work around Jaden. I was allowed to do the school run. It just may take off so much pressure, but I meant I worked really hard because I appreciate them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that's when employers can understand that and can see what they're actually not losing out on um, then it makes it a completely different situation we're multitaskers.
Speaker 2:You know, I always say I would love to employ any send parents because you're multitaskers. We work hard because we can juggle stuff if we can deal with the disabilities, working, running the home, still being a wife, all these other things, I'll take them.
Speaker 1:Employees yeah, just, I mean coping with emotional dysregulation on a regular basis and not losing your listen. Yeah, you know, is it yeah?
Speaker 2:so this is yes, september tech workplace is going to be launched, um. So if anyone has got any employee you know that they work for an employee that they think would want this help then again, please do reach out, because we'd love to come in and have a talk with your HR contacts. A lot of companies have employee assistance programs.
Speaker 1:I might have to get you in contact with my old employer. So I used to work for an employer that actually provides PIP assessments and access to work and is a large employability company. So I will. I might.
Speaker 2:Well, they do a lot in the workplace around people that work for them with disabilities. What they're not thinking about is the care.
Speaker 1:And often they'll have children who are neurodiverse. Because it's genetic, yes, so you know it's a, it's a, yeah, Listen I did that course.
Speaker 2:I never knew what autism really was when Jaden was diagnosed and I went and did this. It's an understanding autism course and as I'm going through it, I always used to joke. When I was a child I was the black sheep of the family or the weird one out of my brothers and sisters, and I didn't mind being weird, I quite liked being me. You know, I was a bit different. But going through that course, I was going through it going oh, that sounds like me. Oh, that sounds like me, that's me, you know. And then I realized, okay, maybe I do know someone that's me, you know. And I realized, okay, maybe I do know someone that's got these different quirks exactly it's genetic.
Speaker 2:Oh it is, it's like 80 to 90 percent across.
Speaker 1:You know all of the neurodiversities and and then, interestingly, we're attracted to other neurodiverse partners, surprise, surprise. So then we have a double gene uh ability, but you know and like it. It then makes it feel normal to some degree. You know what I mean, because we are normal and neurodiversity is normal normality. But it's being able to get that kind of support, both in school, in the workplace, and the financial support to kind of manage it properly, cause it is a little bit different from the neurotypical world. But I would you know. I also think everything that you've advised here for all parents who you know, whether they have neurodiverse children or not, I think it's a thing that a lot of parents stick their head in the ground about. So I think it's good advice for everyone to listen to, because you want your kid to be protected if you die before they're grown up and you also want to be able to help them with things in life later in life.
Speaker 2:You know also want to be able to help them with things in life later in life. You know, yeah, I want Jaden to have the most amazing life. When I'm not here, you know, regardless whether he had this diagnosis or not, I would have always done everything I possibly could to leave my son. You know, I've had an amazing life. I've traveled the world. I want him to have the same, you know, and he's a very, very intelligent boy.
Speaker 2:Thing for me was jayden is super intelligent with numbers. Whilst he doesn't speak a lot, he's you know, he's starting to speak now, um, saying few sentences. He's just taught himself seven, eight and nine times tables, but he doesn't. He's a life and fork, you know, it's just different stuff, but for me jayden could go out and be. You know, he might be an accountant, whatever he wants to be, but he also likes stacking stuff. So does he want to just stack shelves in Sainsbury's?
Speaker 2:I have no issue with whatever he wants to do, but he's not accustomed to the lifestyle of a salary stacking shelves in Sainsbury's. So I have to, if I want him to have an amazing life, make sure there is money there for him, because he might not be able to work a normal job he might not be able to save money for himself. I want him to have an amazing retirement. Is he going to have to rely on the state pension, or could I set up a children's pension for him? That's another thing. People don't realize that you can save for your child in a pension from birth. So there's lots and lots of things you could do for your children.
Speaker 1:You just don't realize Well. So what I like to do before I end the show is ask you for your three top tips that listeners can take away with them in their back pocket when they stop listening to this podcast. What would they be, cara?
Speaker 2:For me, one of the most important ones is for one is to make sure you put a plan in place and you review it.
Speaker 2:So the first thing would be go and look at what you've already got. Dig out your policy documents, your pensions, dig out your protection policies, find out what your sick pay is for work all these little things and then, if you need to reach out, we can help you. The most important thing is, when you've put a plan in place, tell someone where all your documents are, because if I die tomorrow and my family don't know where my will is, they don't know where my pensions are, all these documents, how are they going to sort everything out? So it might be that you have a folder with everything in, but tell somebody where it is. It's a good point, because the amount of times people go something's happened and they're trawling through boxes and boxes of paper because they don't know where it is or you've left it with a law firm no one knows where that law firm is. So be really like do your plan, put it in place and then tell someone where all your documents are that's, that's very good advice, very, very good my two top tips.
Speaker 3:I think I'd say you know, find your tribe, that you know you. It's such a lonely journey and there's so many organizations now out there, so put yourself out there, join these communities. There's loads of support groups, women's groups, parenting groups, community interest groups that you can go for yourself to get a bit of that respite and that bit of, you know, camaraderie amongst other women or parents, but also places to take yourself and your children as well. So, yeah, find your children.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that was for me. When I lived in Torquay I felt very lonely, but when I got to London there were so many amazing groups out there that you know I could take Jaden for a safe place and he can have a meltdown, because everybody else's child's having a meltdown as well. It was great. You know them out down as well, it's great you know. So, yeah, find, find there are, have a look there are. Don't ever be lonely, and if you do feel really lonely, you can't find anyone they're just family or lisa no, and happy to have a wide over zoom.
Speaker 1:We we have the, I have the send parenting community and it's just wonderful. The mothers just support each other so much throughout it. They're just so helpful people who are a little bit further along in the journey. You know there's it's, it's just, you know, it's just comforting to know that you're not alone, that other people have gone through this and also where they've gotten to and where their children have gotten to, because it's not as when you're alone and you're just in your own head. It looks pretty bleak and it's not that bleak. I can't thank you both enough for all the information you've given, and I mean that's what I say. But I love about my podcast is I learn alongside my listeners and it's just so fantastic that you've come on the show today and I would highly recommend everyone. I'll have all the details of how they can get in contact with you and then also what webinars might be coming up, and I will put it on the community as well. But it's just, it's an absolutely Well. Thank you so much for having us.
Speaker 2:You guys are amazing. We really appreciate it, thank you, thank you, and I'm going to send you a list over of what you need to do.
Speaker 1:Excellent, and I will include that actually on the show notes as well, and then I will follow up with you. Thank you both, Bye. Thank you. Thank you for listening. Send Parenting Tribe If you haven't already, please click on the link in the show notes to join us in the private Send Parenting what's Up community. It's been wonderful to be able to communicate with everyone in the community and for us to join together to help each other to navigate challenges and to also celebrate successes. Wishing you and your family a really good week ahead.