SEND Parenting Podcast

Holiday Sleep Survival For Neurodiverse Kids

• Dr. Olivia Kessel

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The holidays can be magical… and completely exhausting when your child has ADHD.

Late nights, travel, sugar, screens, unfamiliar beds, and heightened emotions can quickly undo even the most carefully built sleep routine. If your child’s sleep falls apart during the holidays, you are not failing. This is genuinely harder for ADHD brains.

In this episode, Dr. Olivia Kessel shares practical, realistic strategies to help you protect your child’s sleep during the festive season and gently reset routines when January arrives.

In this episode, you will learn:

  • Why holidays are especially disruptive to ADHD sleep
  • How overstimulation, routine changes, and emotional intensity affect regulation
  • What to pack in a holiday sleep toolkit
  • How to protect wind-down time without becoming the “fun police”
  • When and how to manage sugar and screen time
  • What to do if sleep completely falls apart
  • How to reset sleep routines calmly in the New Year

This episode is for parents who are juggling family expectations, disrupted routines, and a child who struggles to switch off. You will leave feeling reassured, supported, and better prepared.

👉 Download the free Holiday Sleep Survival Guide 

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Dr Olivia:

Welcome to the Send Parenting Podcast. I'm your neurodiverse host, Dr. Olivia Kessel, and more importantly, I'm mother to my wonderfully neurodivergent daughter, Alexandra, who really inspired this podcast. As a veteran in navigating the world of neurodiversity in a UK education system, I've uncovered a wealth of misinformation, alongside many answers and solutions that were never taught to me in medical school or in any of the parenting handbooks. Each week on this podcast, I will be bringing the experts to your ears to empower you on your parenting crusade. It's 2 a.m. You're scrolling again, desperately searching for someone who actually understands what it's like to raise a child of ADHD. School doesn't get it, friends just say be stricter. Even family tells you she'll grow out of it. But you know that this is different. And you're so tired of fighting this battle completely alone. I'm Dr. Olivia, and as both a medical doctor and a mom of a neurodiverse child, I've built what I desperately needed: the ADHD Warrior Mom Recharge Station, a place where you're finally understood. You'll get weekly group coaching when you need support and strategies to use, monthly master classes where you ask the experts your questions, actual self-care strategies that you can implement, and most importantly, a community of mothers who completely get it. Right now, I'm opening for just 50 founding members at 29 pounds a month for life. That's 50% off forever. Once these spots are filled, this price will disappear. Stop fighting this alone. You can go to www.sendparenting.com backslash join, or just click on the link in the show notes. Welcome. In this episode, I'm going to be talking about sleep. If you listen to last week's episode about keeping calm during the holidays, you'll know I've been thinking a lot about how we as parents navigate this chaotic, wonderful, exhausting time of year. But here's the thing: our own regulation is only half the battle. Because when our kids' sleep routines fall apart, which they inevitably do during the holidays, everything else crumbles too. The late nights, the travel, the different beds, the excitement that makes their brains buzz long after bedtime. And suddenly that child who finally is sleeping through the night, they're waking up several times, anxious and unable to settle. I know this story well because I've lived it. For 11 years, Alexandra and I's biggest battle, well, one of our biggest battles was sleep. Meltdowns were the other. And just when we finally cracked it, melatonin routine, all the tools in place, the holidays would come along and sometimes throw everything into chaos. So today, I want to share what I've learned about protecting sleep during the holidays, managing the inevitable disruptions, and perhaps most importantly, getting back on track when January arrives and you're both utterly exhausted. So if your child struggles with sleep, this episode is for you. You can also download my 30 days better sleep guide for when everything settles down in January. You can download it at sendparenting.com backslash sleep or click on the link in the show notes. Now let's talk about why the holidays wreck havoc on our neurodiverse kids' sleep and what we can actually do about it. So, before we dive into these solutions, let's understand what's happening in your child's brain and body when the holiday chaos hits. We already know that up to 70% of children with ADHD struggle with sleep, so do kids with autism, 50 to 60%, and most neurodiverse combinations. Their internal clocks are delayed, their melatonin production is off, and their circadian rhythms can be off. Their brains also struggle from switching from on to off. But during the holidays, all the things we've worked so hard to establish, that consistent bedtime, the calm environment, the predictable routine, the melatonin, they can vanish for different reasons. What's working against you? Well, first of all, it's there's that excitement and overstimulation of the holidays and that lack of routine. So I know in my daughter's case, an ADHD brain that's already looking for new and exciting things, the holidays are basically a dopamine overload. New presents to think about, what you're gonna open on the calendar and the advent calendar in the morning, relatives visiting, special activities planned, panto, their brains are buzzing with anticipation, making it nearly impossible to wind down. Secondly, the routine is gone. You might be staying up late for family gatherings or traveling or sleeping in unfamiliar beds, you could be in a different time zone. The predictable signals that told their body it's time to sleep have disappeared. And thirdly, the sensory environment has changed. Alexandra used to sleep with the same weighted blanket, with the same meditation every single night. But if we went and visited my dad's house, different sheets, different sounds, different everything. Her nervous system really found it challenging to settle. And finally, and this is the one that no one really talks about, there's the emotional intensity. Family gatherings are wonderful, but they can also be overwhelming. Perhaps your child had to deal with well-meaning auntie who kept saying, Why are they moving around so much? Or felt left out when the cousins were playing together and they weren't included. All of that emotional processing, it doesn't just stop because it's bedtime. I remember one Christmas when Alexandra was about 10, we'd had a lovely day, but she'd been compared to another kid and who had been eating all of their dinner and well behaved. And that night she couldn't sleep. Her mind was spinning with anxiety. She was thinking, like, you know, why didn't I fit in? Why couldn't I be more like her? And it took her a really long time to settle down her thoughts. So if your carefully constructed sleep routine falls apart during the holidays, you're not failing. It's generally harder for neurodiverse children, but there are strategies that can help. So, what kind of strategies can we use? Let's get practical here. I'm going to share the strategies that have saved us, both for maintaining sleep as much as possible, but also for damage control when things go sideways. So, first of all, strategy number one, pack your sleep toolkit. This might sound obvious, but you'd amaze how many times I forgot something crucial. You only have to do it once and you'll never forget it again. But for us, these are some important items that should be included in your sleep toolkit. First of all, and this is numero uno on my list, is any medications or supplements that your child relies on. Melatonin, magnesium, whatever works for your kid. For me, it's melatonin. Make sure you have a backup supply in the car, in your handbag. I can't tell you how many times that has saved us when I have forgotten to pack her melatonin, that I have a secret stash where the spare tire used to be in your car. And then don't forget your familiar sleep objects. Once, you know, we lost Bunny on a trip to Paris, and that was a nightmare because she just couldn't sleep without Bunny. So whatever you need to bring, it's worth the extra space. If you can put it in your suitcase, if you're traveling by car, it's much easier. But you know, I pack the weighted blanket, I pack their favorite her favorite pillow, I make sure that I have downloaded her meditation. Um, all of these things are really important and they kind of bring that sense of safety and home. Another good idea is you can uh bring a portable blackout solution. So you can buy these blackout blinds that actually suction onto windows, and this is great for hotel rooms or guest bedrooms that sometimes just aren't dark enough. And then finally, you know, this sounds silly, but write down your bedtime routine because when you're stressed and exhausted, it's easy to skip steps, and that can be challenging for our children. So just have a checklist that helps you stay consistent, even if everything else is in chaos. Strategy two is really protect the wind down time. And this is important because oftentimes when you know we're late, we're staying up for different things, then it's like a big rush to get to bed, and it can kind of be a bit panicky, and that just is not conducive with sleep. So it can be, you know, you can meet with resistance with relatives or friends who don't see how important this is, you know. Um, when you have these family dinners that go on late, and then everyone wants to play one more game or watch one more film, and then that time is ticking, and you know, you actually really have to stand up and say, you know what, we we need to step away. We need some downtime to go to bed. And, you know, especially with ADHD children, but all neurodiverse children, they need some more wind up downtime during the holidays, not less, because their nervous systems are already on overdrive from the overstimulation. So you really need to build in at least an hour of calm before bedtime, no matter what's happening. Sometimes that might mean leaving a party early. Sometimes it might mean saying no to that late-night movie. And yes, sometimes it means dealing with disappointed friends or family or grandparents who think you're being too rigid. But I'd rather have a disappointed relative than a completely dysregulated child who can't sleep and then melts down a lot the next day and it just begins a vicious cycle. So during window time, you know, I turn off all screens. I might, you know, there might be something on TV that, you know, that a show that she likes to watch that calms her down, but not the playing of Minecraft or roadblocks or something that's stimulating, you know, just something very calming. And then, you know, dimming the lights. I find that doing something calm together, like sitting in bed, reading, or having a chat about the day, um, sometimes I'll do some tapping as well. Um, she still calls it magic in terms of really calming down her nervous system. And then, you know, I make sure that I give her the melatonin about 45 minutes to an hour before we start that wind down routine. And then strategy three, manage the saying, oh, but it's the holidays. And this is a tricky one, you know, even with our children who are like, oh, come on, it's the holidays, let me stay up later. Or, you know, friends and family say, Oh, come on, they can stay up later. My child stays up till midnight. Yeah. And then I ask them, how long does your child sleep into? Oh, they wake up at nine or 10. Alexandra doesn't. She wakes up at five. If I'm lucky, maybe 5:40. So I'm ticking against the clock because however late we stay up, that's however less sleep she's gonna get. So know your child and be kind of firm, I'm afraid, you know, because the reality is the later the bedtime, and if there's more excitement, be that screens or whatever, it's a destroyer for their brains being able to calm down and go to sleep. So we can be flexible on bedtimes, but not too late. We can adjust what we do, but not too excitement. And just make sure you pencil in that time to really relax. And I explain it to family because you know what? The next day, I'm the one that's having to deal with the fallout, not them. They're probably just looking at me and judging me. And I'm like, well, this is expected. She's tired, you know? So most relatives will understand, most friends will too. I know I sometimes get the label of being boring, but you know, um, trust me, everyone would prefer a well-rested Alexandra and me the next day. So the fourth strategy, and this is um, this has happened to us, what happens when you forget the melatonin? And it will happen, you know. Um, these are really stressful times sometimes. You're traveling and you've left it at home. So it depends where you're at. First of all, don't panic. You know, some you might have to have a night where you have to use your other tools and, you know, give yourself enough time because you will need extra time. Do things like the tapping. It really works well. Create that calm environment. Maybe have a bath before they go to bed, and you know, be honest with your child and say, you know, we forgot your medication, it's gonna be a little harder, but we're gonna get through it and it's not gonna be the end of the world. And then the next day, see if you can get some emergency melatonin. And I know that in the UK you need a prescription, but you can get an emergency emergency um uh prescription of it by dialing 111. And they have to approve it with your GP, but um, you can get an emergency supply of it in the UK. And of course, if you're traveling in Europe or the US, you can get it over the counter. So, you know, that can really be a lifesaver as well. And strategy five is just create some consistency within the chaos. You definitely can't control everything about the holiday environment, but you can create pockets of consistency. So you can have the same bedtime story routine, even if you're reading it by torchlight in a strange room. You can have the same goodnight phrase or ritual. So with Alexandra, I say, sweet dream, sleep tight, make sure the bugs don't bite you. If they do, squeeze them tight, they won't come another night. And that kind of signals to her brain that we're in safe place, and it triggers her brain that this is time to say goodnight. And then the same expectation that bedtime is a non-negotiable. You know, we can be flexible about many things during the holidays, but sleep isn't one of them. I might be flexible for like an hour or so, but not into really late bedtimes because it's just it's not worth it. And then strategy six. Well, what happens when anxiety hits? You know, and this can be one of the biggest challenges during the holidays. Your child's in a strange bed, maybe a strange room, everything feels different, and suddenly all their worries come flooding in. They might feel really nervous sleeping there. What if something bad happens? I want to go home. And you know, what I do is first of all validate their feelings. What they're feeling is honest. You know, you know that it feels strange. It isn't their usual bed. You know, I will offer to sit in their room, in her room, and you know, read a book just, you know, by the door so she knows I'm there until she falls asleep. And I promise that I will stay there until she does go to sleep. Um, you know, I I do the tapping before she goes to bed. But, you know, sometimes I will say to her, like, if you're really struggling, just come come into mommy's bedroom, you know. And, you know, I know some people might disagree with this advice, but sometimes on holidays, sh she sleeps much better sleeping in the bed with me. As she's gotten older, she's now doing much better in a bed by herself and actually wants to sleep in a bed by herself. But depending on what age your child is, be flexible. You know, the most important thing is that they get a good night's sleep. If they're not sleeping in a strange bed by themselves, that's okay, uh, as far as I'm concerned. And then, you know, what next? I think that a lot of us worry, especially because sleep is so hard, when you do go off track, what do you do after the holidays? You know, you've had late nights, disruptive routines, maybe some complete sleep disasters, and then you need to get back on track in January and you wonder how to get back to normal. And you know what? Kids are remarkably resilient. If you just, you know, a bit of intention, you can reset their sleeps. And I've got the the 30-day sleep guide that you can download, and uh it's in the show notes, but it's at ww.sendparenting.com backshot slash sleep. Um, you know, don't be afraid to ex, you know, expect some of that resistance, okay? Especially if you've been traveling, they're on a different time zone. If they've been, if if you're lucky and they can stay up a bit later and wake up early, um later, sorry, then you know, don't don't have huge expectations. Just give yourself a couple of days to sink back into it and just be consistent every day, you know, no exceptions. And this will start to embed, you know. Um be patient with yourself as well, because you're probably pretty tired, you know. Know that you've been in a good sleep routine and that you can get back to it, you know. Um, it's only a temporary thing when they've had setbacks, when you've had bad nights, it's not putting you all the way back to square one. You can find your way back to a routine. So I hope that was helpful. And I hope that um we all get some good night sleeps over this holiday period. You know, remember to pack your school, your not your school, your sleep toolkit. You know, don't leave home without it. Make sure you, you know, double check that you have the essentials, and then, you know, protect that window time and protect those bed times and make sure that you're not getting too excited before going to bed. And, you know, have that emergency plan for when things go wrong, you know, and set some of those small rituals that kind of bring consistency within the chaos. And then know that when January comes, you're gonna reset with intention and patience. And I've got the 30-day sleep challenge that you can download, little present for you. And, you know, sleep is the foundation. When our children sleep well, everything gets easier. And I'd say that's the same for moms and dads too. Like if we sleep well, we are much better able to cope with the day. So it improves our mood, our focusing, you know, our just resilience. So protecting it during the holidays isn't being rigid or overprotective. And you know what? It's giving them what they need to thrive. So I hope this episode will help you navigate the next weeks. It's Christmas next week, and then New Year's the following. I want to thank you for listening, and I'll see you in the new year. Until then, take care of yourself and may your nights be as peaceful as they can be. Thank you for listening, Send Parenting Tribe. I know how full, noisy, and emotionally demanding this time of year can be, especially when you're parenting a neurodiverse child. I hope today's episode has helped you feel a little more understood and a little more supported and a lot less alone. As we head into the holidays, I want to wish you and your family a peaceful and gentle break, whatever that looks like for you. Remember, it doesn't have to be perfect. Do what works for your child and you. Trust your instincts and give yourself permission to rest. Thank you for being a part of this community and for showing up for your children in the only way you can. I'll see you in the new year. Until then, take care and have a very happy holiday.