I Know How to Treat My Country

Growing up, Nane Harutyunyan would never have touched a rifle. But after Armenia was defeated in the 2020 war, she felt like she had to be prepared to defend her country.

Transcript

We’re in the wilderness about 90 minutes north of Yerevan. Behind us, you can hear gunshots and rain coming down. Out in the field with us there’s a couple dozen men and women who are dressed in military uniforms - they’re all waiting for their turn to do tactical training. One of them is our fellow producer Gohar.

"And you're wearing this bulletproof vest?” says our producer Nyree

“Yes,” says Gohar, “and a helmet. I'm okay to wear it for I don't know - 30 minutes, an hour? But sometimes we wear it longer.”

“Is it heavy?” Nyree asks.

“It's heavy,” says Gohar.

She is taking part in this 10-day military training camp put on by an NGO called VOMA. They run these programs for free for civilians. Think of it like basic training: There are these green army-colored tents where they sleep and make dinner, and they spend the day learning things like: shooting and wilderness survival.

Right now - Gohar and all the trainees have to do this tactical exercise where they run off, shoot a rifle at a target, crawl on the ground, shoot again, roll, shoot a third time, then dash back to the group. Gohar takes off, does it all,  then sprints back.

She can barely catch her breath “It was good. It was ok,” she says between breaths. “The guy was yelling ‘Faster! Faster! That’s the whole point of this exercise! Speed!’ But I hit the target. A few times.”

The camp is not just about learning skills - they also try to mimic the stresses of living on the front line like a soldier. Making it difficult is part of the point.

“I'm always uncomfortable,” says Gohar, “It's either I'm in pain or my feet are wet or I'm muddy. It's always some sort of discomfort.”

We meet Nane Harutyunyan, the first aid instructor here at the camp.

“So I have been living in Yerevan my whole life,” says Nane, “So this is what sometimes I lack. I get a rest. I relax. I just get mindful.”

“Relax?” says Nyree, “Hang on. You relax?”

“Yeah,” says Nane, “My mind is relaxed. Physically, it's really difficult because. Like, yesterday when we came back from the mountain, it was okay. But during the night, my whole body was aching, my muscles were aching. So it hurts physically. But I like it.”

Nane is our main guide here at VOMA. This summer, she is spending almost every day of the week with them. But she started as a trainee, back in 2020. At first, she didn’t feel like it was for her.

“No,” she says “I hated it. It was very cold. It was just unbearably cold. It was just terrible. But then I decided to do it once more. I don’t know why. For 10 days.”

That first camp was only three days, but one of the other participants convinced her that if she did a longer camp, it would get better. So she gave it another chance.

Now she spends as much time as she can with VOMA.

Armenia has an army. And all young men have to do their 2 years of mandatory military service. But if you’re like Nane, and you haven’t had that training, or if you want more, you can come to VOMA. Its mission is to “strengthen the defences of Armenia”. If you’re worried about war and you want to be ready to help out, you can get ready here. There are other organizations that do this, but VOMA is the largest and the most well known.

Military conflict with Azerbaijan has been a part of life in Armenia for decades. But since 2020, it has dominated the psyche of the nation. People feel like another war could break out at any time. VOMA has been a way for Nane to get some control over a situation that is big and frightening. She never pictured herself getting trained for combat - but she couldn’t stay at home anymore.

“When my dad was told that he may go to the front line, I was like, okay, he does that. My brother will go to the army soon. And what will I do?”

And by preparing for what might come - she has given herself power over an uncertain future.

Welcome to Country of Dust - stories of a changing Armenia

This episode: “I know how to treat my country”

I’m Jeremy Dalmas.


DURING THE WAR, SHE FELT HELPLESS

When we sit down to talk in Yerevan - Nane tells us that she’s named after an ancient Armenian goddess.

“Some say it's a goddess of war. Some say it's a goddess of wisdom. I like to say both.” She laughs.

Nane’s closet says a lot about how she spends her time.

“When my mom opens my wardrobe and she sees the very first shelf is my ordinary clothes. And the second and third one are military clothes. She's like, ‘why are there more military clothes than ordinary clothes?’”

Nyree asks, “Is it like: cute dresses and heels, and then there's the military clothes”

“Exactly,” says Nane, “Yes!”

She first heard about VOMA back in 2019. Her brother had done one of the camps.

“I remember he went there for 10 days,” she says, “He was 16 back then. And he was telling me about VOMA, I thought, ‘Oh, so wild.’ I remember calling him old fashioned. I was like, ‘Why did you go there? I will never do that.’ It’s so unusual for me. I was a very girly girl back then. I was like, ‘Guns? No. Shooting? No. Wearing military clothes? Never.’ I would never do that.”

But there was a moment when her ideas about what she would “never do” began to change. Nane still remembers the day before the 2020 war started: 

“26th of September, I went bowling with my friends. That was the last day. Because I remember how careless we were - we were just happy, were just happy not doing anything.”

Everyone in Armenia has a memory like this. It was a turning point for so many people. 

“And after that, I can't fully be happy. I try to act like that. I see everyone acting like they can be happy. But there is something inside that you cannot just erase.”

During the war she felt helpless. This was her first semester at university, all she could do was go online and scroll through the lists of soldiers who had died.

“We were searching for familiar names. Praying like there won't be someone we know.”

And Nane felt personally responsible

“And when we got defeated, I was feeling like I was one of the reasons. Because I could not do something, something if I had the skills or knowledge.”

She turned 18 a few days after the war ended. 

“And I thought, ‘Maybe I can learn something and go somewhere.’”

She decided to talk it over with her dad. He had been working with VOMA on the front line during the war. 

“And I asked him, ‘Dad, I want to go to VOMA to train for a couple of days. Is it okay if I go do that?’ He's like, ‘Yes. And actually I would like to join you.’”

STARTING TRAINING

In Armenian, the acronym VOMA stands for “Voghch mnalu arvestuh” (Ողջ մնալու արվեստը) which means “The Art of Survival”. They started in 2014. During the 2020 war, VOMA got a huge influx of trainees. That happened again during the 2022 Jermuk invasion and again during the 2023 ethnic cleansing of Artsakh. Every time fighting flares up, huge groups of people sign up for classes.        

People come for a lot of reasons: to train with a rifle, to learn first aid, to meet people, to get in shape. But the main reason is the same as Nane, they want to be prepared. 

Those 10-day camps are some of the most intense trainings that VOMA offers. But mostly they teach evening classes in cities around Armenia. 

They have a big center in Yerevan, and on the evening that we stopped by people were everywhere: in small groups in the grass doing tactical training, learning how to shoot artillery, even throwing knives. 

When Nane started at VOMA this is where she and her father signed up. It was a commitment - five nights a week, for three months straight. They would head over after she had finished up at university and he had gotten off of work.

“It was difficult to work both work and in the evenings, you go to train. And also I thought it would be almost impossible for me to complete the course, because I thought that I was not strong enough, not skilled enough. And I was a girl, a woman. I thought ‘I won't make it till the end.’”

But even though she was anxious - after the war she needed this.

“I couldn't think of anything else. My brain was just thinking, ‘You lost the war. You were not helpful. Just do something. At least learn how to defend yourself.”

And to do that she needed to learn how to use a gun. This felt important.

“Because the only thing I thought was, ‘What if the enemy gets to Yerevan?’”

Her instructor started her with a fake rubber rifle, just so she could learn gun safety and basic technique. That came easy. So she thought she had it. But the first time she shot a real rifle - she froze.

“The only thing I could think of was the awful noise that my gun made.”

She couldn’t stop thinking: What if I accidentally shot someone?

“That was just terrifying. My brain just stopped, just switched off. Because it was like, ‘It's dangerous, just don't think of it.’ I was so embarrassed. I was like, okay, never again. Just try to do something about it.”

So she started going out shooting with her father. And by being right next to gunshots, over and over again, she got used to them. She began to feel more in control. She told us that she switched from being worried that her gun would hurt her to understanding it was there to defend her. 

“And that's what changed. You just have to do it more and more to get used to that.”

TEACHING

She completed the 3 month course.

“And then I realized something is missing. I realized it's the atmosphere, the people there. I missed the people.”

Going through these intense trainings brings people together. Nane was missing that camaraderie.

“No matter what political views or no matter what opinions they had, during the training they were so united.”

And while she was with them she felt strong. Nane was hooked. She kept going back and signing up for more trainings. Soon she was helping out the first aid instructor, and eventually she started teaching first aid.

When you listen to Nane she sounds so bubbly, so full of smiles. But her students have said that she was their scariest instructor at VOMA

“And I was like, ‘I'm not scary!’ They're like, ‘Yeah, we were really scared of you back then, during the camp,’ I was like, ‘I'm not scary!’”

When we visited her class, she was teaching on what to do if someone is wounded in the chest.

All her training at VOMA has improved her confidence, which is essential. Because every new course she teaches, she has to prove herself all over again to her students.

“During the very first class when I start teaching everyone is very suspicious of me. ‘What is this girl doing in front of us?’ Because whenever they think military they expect strong, titanic men.”

Nane has never been in combat and some of her students bring that up.

We asked if someone were to challenge her and say “Why should I listen to you? You haven’t even fought.” How would she respond?

“My favorite question,” she says. ”Every time - I ask, ‘Do you have questions? They're like, ‘Have you ever been to a battlefield?’ Before, I used to say, ‘That's a personal question. I'll answer that afterwards.’ But now I say, ‘No. Does it change anything?’ ‘Yeah,’ they tell me, ‘Because if you haven't been there, you can you can not imagine what's there.’”

Some of her students have fought in wars. And occasionally they press her - they’ll say that she doesn’t know what she is talking about. Which is intimidating. But she tells them that she learned what she knows from doctors and from people who have done first aid on the battlefield.

“Before I used to prove that they're wrong because I was not 100% confident in what I was doing. I would try my best to prove that I know I am worthy, I can actually be in this place that I am. Nowadays, I just continue teaching and I know that if they do not want to get the knowledge, I'm not the problem, it's them. And unfortunately, it's the most common question for women. Men do not actually get asked that question much.”


“I LOVE TO DEAL WITH EVERYTHING BY CRYING”

There is quite a high percentage of women at VOMA. About forty percent. And everyone goes through the exact same training. But women are often pushed towards more traditionally feminine roles like first aid, rather than combat. Nane herself can feel conflicted about it, but for the most part she feels at home here.

One of the times when Nane does feel out of place though - is when she lets her feelings show.

“You have to deal with that. Because men are taught not to be emotional.”

And for her it comes up all the time.

“Because I'm a very emotional person and whenever something happens, I just start crying. For a good reason, for a bad reason. And people, whenever they see me crying, they think something bad happened. I'm like, ‘It's fine.’ They’re like, ‘You're crying!’ I'm like, ‘Yes.’ I love to deal with everything by crying.”

It can be hard for her to explain -

“People start just asking you a question, bombarding with questions. ‘What happened?’ You try to explain that actually nothing that important. And I'm not crazy, crying because nothing happened. It's just the way I am. It's difficult to explain to people. I'm fine with that. Now. I just ask them. ‘Just let me cry, okay?’”


IF WAR BREAKS OUT
Nane isn’t a stereotypical Armenian soldier. She cries at training, she’s bubbly and smiley, she isn’t a big macho guy. But for her, being here isn’t necessarily about breaking stereotypes, it’s just what she has to do. Because she is here for a reason - to prepare for war.

When fighting does break out in Armenia, VOMA has a 300-person battalion that can join the Army. Those 300 volunteers change over time, depending on who is available. That battalion reports to the government about where to go and what to do.

“We have Ministry of Defense, and that's what tells everyone what to do during the war.”

People in VOMA can choose to be on a list. Then when the battalion is called up, VOMA phones each person on that list and asks whether or not they want to head out. Nane is not on the list, but her dad is.

The battalion fought in the 2020 war and in September 2022, when Azerbaijan invaded and took over parts of Armenia. That time Nane’s father was sent to Jermuk.

The war scenario that everyone talks about is Azerbaijan invading southern Armenia, and taking over parts of the province of Syunik. They want that area because it would link two parts of Azerbaijan that, right now, are not connected to each other. Azerbaijan’s president Aliyev has even claimed that all of Armenia is Azerbaijani land.

It wasn’t that long ago that losing Artsakh seemed impossible. Now it’s unclear what is a reasonable or unreasonable fear.

If war did break out again, would Nane join the fight?

“If it's necessary for everyone, I will. Of course.”

She has spoken with her father about it.

“My dad tells me, ‘From my house I'm going and your brother is going. You should stay at home at least.’”

She has two brothers. One is older and he finished doing his two years of military service in 2024. He would fight. But her younger brother and their mother would be at home with Nane.

We ask if she feels okay with that, if that makes sense to her.

“It does because if you're going to stay and protect your mom and your little brother, I think that's for me much more responsible than going to the front line.”

Because then, in the unlikely event of war coming to Yerevan, she would be here.
There was one day when she was at VOMA and they were training in urban fighting.

“And then our commander was like, ‘The only place where you will actually need these is Yerevan.’ And I was so shocked that the point has come where I should defend Yerevan’s buildings.”

It probably won’t happen but war in Yerevan has become enough of a possibility that Nane thinks about it during her day-to-day life. Like, what would she do if fighting broke out in the middle of her day?

“Mostly what I think of is, 'do I have the keys of a safe where my father keeps his weapon, his gun?’ He has two of them. And whenever I imagine a situation, I'm like, ‘Do I remember where are the keys?’ And mostly I imagine that I will just take the gun and start shooting everyone who tries to touch my family. And it's very sad. I don't imagine the rest of it. Because many scenarios and mostly bad scenarios.”

These aren’t things that she would have been thinking about five years ago, the Nane that was bowling with her friends the day before the war. But now she spends her time at VOMA training to use a rifle. That says something about Nane and about the situation that Armenia is in. She feels like she needs to help protect this land. That she can’t opt out.

“No one actually wants the war. Humans just want to live in peace. But there are some situations when you have to kill or you get killed.”


I KNOW HOW TO TREAT MY COUNTRY

Nane says that her younger self wouldn’t recognize today’s Nane.

“Even if I was just try to explain where I am now, she wouldn't believe me. She would be like, ‘Who are you? Are you for real?’”

Back before she started training, she was afraid.

“I'm still afraid of it. Of the war. But I know what I can do. I know my job. That's very important to know your job. Exactly what to do.”

If war does break out, she’ll continue what she is currently doing, teaching. Her students might be on the battlefield soon using what she taught them to save each other’s lives. By preparing them, she feels she is helping protect the whole country

When we were at the VOMA headquarters in Yerevan, overlooking the city, Nane showed us this ring she wears on her left ring finger.

It’s a VOMA ring.

“I have it everywhere with me to make me feel stronger.”

We ask why.

You can’t just buy one of these. To get one she had to complete three of those rigorous 10-day training camps.

“And it's not impossible, but it's not ordinary. So for me, the person who was very fragile, it was difficult. And after the ten days, I feel that I am undefeatable. Of course I'm not. But I know something. I know how to treat a weapon. I know how to help someone that is in danger. And I know how to treat my country.”

She knows how to treat her country. Literally she means she knows how to handle the rugged terrain. But, also, she knows what she has to give. That, whatever might come, when her home is in crisis, she is ready.


CREDITS

Country of Dust is created and produced by Nyree Abrahamian, Jeremy Dalmas and Gohar Khachatryan. Sound engineering and music by Jeremy Dalmas. 

This episode was made possible with generous support from the H. Hovnanian Family Foundation, and the Swiss Agency for Development and Cooperation.

To the supporters of our crowdfunding campaign: Thanks so much backing us - we couldn’t have made this season without you. 

And thank you for tuning in! To support the show, head to CountryOfDust.com. Also, it’s a big, big help if you could tell people about the show. There’s a lot of people out there who would love to listen to a podcast about Armenia. Spread the word!