Made for More
Made for More
Cam Payne Part 2: Answering Your Questions on Dating + Relationships
PART TWO of Made For More with Cam! Join Cam Payne and host, Reagan Davis, as Cam answers all of your questions that you asked on relationships and dating.
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Hello friends, welcome to this week's episode of Made for More the podcast. I'm so thankful that you're listening today, whether you're in the car or at the gym or on a walk or run. I'm so glad that you're joining us. So we're just going to cut straight to the point with this little intro. I need to do a little catch up update podcast soon. I feel like I haven't done a solo one in a while just to kind of update you on life and, yeah, what's going on, just to chill and connect.
Speaker 1:Um, so this week's episode is part two of a cam pains podcast. If you have not listened to part one, totally go do that. You get to learn a little bit about Cam and who he is and what he does and hear a little bit of his testimony, which is super cool, and I'm so glad that you loved that episode from two weeks ago. But this one is a lot of your questions that you guys asked on Instagram about dating or relationships and, um, yeah, you guys had some really good questions for cam. So I'm really excited for you guys to listen to this one and you'll have to let us know if you do enjoy it and the feedback on it and, as always, I am always open to hearing who you guys want me to have on the podcast, so always shoot me a message with that. But I hope you are having a wonderful week and I'm super pumped for you guys to listen to this one. Let's get into it.
Speaker 2:So we're going to switch over to some questions that we know about you.
Speaker 1:Um, okay, so add some questions on Instagram. Tell us, okay. One are you single? And two do you feel, um, do you feel, pressure to settle down? Do you feel pressure to date to have a family and to have kids?
Speaker 2:oh, that's a. That's a heavy question, um, I like it though. Um number one. Yes, ma'am, I am single, indeed. Um, I, I'm so thankful for that season. I'm so thankful, thankful that God has me where he has me.
Speaker 2:But I also think that it is so easy, it would be so easy to feel the pressure to get married and to feel like you have to have kids ASAP and you have to have this ASAP, because right now, as it stands, as we record this podcast, I'm going to my best friend's wedding in 10 days. My two of my other best friends are getting married in july and august, um, and then a third of my best friends I guess a really good guy that's like really, really close to me he's also getting married at the end of this year, in december, um, and it's just like I see all my friends I see, and also my best friend is here in Dallas, is now dating a girl that I set them up I set him up with Really, really, really crazy, and my brother now has a girlfriend that he's probably going to you know, lord willing get engaged to, and I think, seeing all that and feeling all that, it would be so, so easy to to feel the pressure, but, honestly, like I don't, um, I I'm so, I'm not comfortable in my season of singleness but I'm so thankful for my season of singleness, um, I think I think that's, that's kind of how you, how you should be, and and I've gotten to a point lately I don't go on many dates. Um, I don't, I don't do that because I want to be a good picker from the very, very beginning. I want to be, I want to talk to you for a couple like I don't know, maybe a week, a couple weeks or something like that, if it permits, if like our situation permits, and FaceTime a couple of times and, just, like I don't know, get to know you really, really, really well, as much as you can over a text or voice messages or calling or FaceTime.
Speaker 2:Also, hot take, I don't really like FaceTime. I never really have. I like I enjoy like putting my phone down, like putting my AirPods in and just walking around just doing what I do, which is kind of crazy. I guess it gets my juices flowing. But where was I going with that, reagan? Oh, my goodness, no pressure to stay comfortable in singleness, but enjoying it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that you should be so comfortable not being comfortable in in being single, but being so thankful that God has you exactly where he has you. Um and and again, I want to be a good picker from the very, very beginning. So I don't go on a lot of dates and and I just ask the Lord every day for discernment, um, on like, if a woman's going to step into my life today, if I'm going to, if I'm supposed to meet her, wherever it is, today, then I pray that you give me eyes to see her, I pray that you give me a heart that loves her really, really, really, deeply and intentionally, and that it happens in your will, because, at the end of the day, like I don't want to find, I don't want to find my future wife unless I find her through the Lord and I don't want her to find me unless she finds me through the Lord. So, um, I think, when you get two people that are relentlessly not perfect, um, but relentlessly chasing after Jesus and like chasing after him wholeheartedly and like giving it all that they have every day, it becomes so beautiful, it is just the most beautiful thing, and the Bible's really taught me that I think my past relationships have really taught me that how just crucial it is to really step into like being to in your season of singleness, to anybody who is listening. Become as whole on your own as possible. Like, become as whole with jesus as possible, because I always use this analogy of like, what is 0.5 times 0.5, it's 0.25, but what is one times one, it's one.
Speaker 2:So when you think that you are, you are half-hearted, and this woman that that maybe I'm gonna, I'm gonna start to get into a relationship with, is also half-hearted. And like we think that we complete each other, we actually get less out of it. We get 0.25 out of it, but we are, when we are both and when you are both in relationship, whole on your own, whole with where Jesus has you, whole with, like, your identity and you know the truth of what God calls you to be and who God calls you to be, it works out Like, it's perfect, a hundred percent of marriages and relationships that are centered around Christ and you have two people who are chasing after Jesus with everything that they have. It's not going to fail, it can't. There's a 0% divorce rate because you realize that when you do get married, that is a literal lifelong commitment.
Speaker 2:So I think that that is the pressure that I feel honestly is that marriage is such a big thing for me and so I'm dating to truly marry, and so I don't want to just give my time to anybody. I don't want to just go on a date with anybody. I don't want to just go on a second date with anybody. I don't want to just DM anybody or do whatever that looks like or do whatever that looks like. I think you have to be so selective with your time, with your energy, with your efforts, with your heart, because there's such serious implications on the line. Your heart is on the line and that's a really, really scary thing. But I will tell you this, and I hope that people can relate to this I've always said it.
Speaker 2:I do believe that hurt people hurt people for sure, hurt people and relationships do end up hurting people. But hurt people eventually become healed people who eventually help people, and I think that that is, if you cling on to that and you don't let the world and the hurt that you've endured, the hurt that you felt, the pain of the relationships that broke, if you just try and bring them to the Lord, give them up to him. Don't let them hold you down and don't let them dictate your next relationship at all. Allow the Lord to dictate your next relationship and your next steps. Next relationship at all. Allow the Lord to dictate your next relationship and your next steps. Like I've, I'd always rather put my heart on the line a billion times over and get it broken a billion at one times and never put my heart out there at all.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's such a good point with. I think we all bring hurt and trauma and to new relationships. So I think singleness is such a beautiful time to honestly like become a secure person and become aware of things that have happened in previous relationships and things that may in new relationships. Because if you're constantly just jumping from a relationship to a relationship, those that trauma and those triggers and those things they're not just going to disappear, like they're going to keep showing up in relationship. So I'm like it's okay to have a desire to want to be in a relationship and like maybe not love being single all the time because like I, I'm a lover girl.
Speaker 1:Like I love love right but for sure you really just like lean into this season and it's a season that you'll never get back, whenever you do find that person but to become the most secure and healthy version of yourself. Um, you know, in your, in your relationship with the lord too, because it will show up in your next relationships.
Speaker 2:So that's so good. That's really good word. Everybody, listen to what reagan has to say. I promise you she is wise beyond her 39 years, that she's been on this for her um man I love that. Yeah, that's a really good point.
Speaker 1:I love it yeah, I mean we're, we're not, we're not, we're not perfect. I think sometimes we go into relationships and we're like, yeah, I'm perfect and we're like constantly just looking for these red flags for other people, but it's like we have our own red flags that we need to 100% how we need to work on we, we're not perfect.
Speaker 2:So no doubt, and I think you just have to, like we. We as humans, have to take the expectation of people to be perfect and to be exactly what we desire them to be out of play, like when we are evaluating a relationship. Take your expectation of perfect and throw it out of the water. That is not what perfect looks like. What perfect looks like to you is not what god sees perfect. Yeah, so I don't know. Just take your expectations and and your list and rip it up.
Speaker 1:Um, truly outside, outside of having a relationship with the lord. Obviously, when someone has a relationship with the Lord, all of these qualities, I think, do stem from that. But what are some qualities or characteristics that you look for in someone that you are interested in pursuing?
Speaker 2:Ooh, okay, regan, come on now. I think, yes, she is truly devoted to the Lord and all these qualities that I'm probably about to list off, for the most part are going to be qualities that stem from our relationship with Jesus, but I would say she's gentle, and she's gentle in the way that she speaks to me. She's gentle in the way she speaks to others and the way she treats other people. She's not nice, but she's gentle in the way she speaks to others and and the way she treats other people. Um, she's not nice, but she's really kind, uh, because I don't, I think niceness looks out for me, but I think that kindness looks out for you. So she's kind, um, and has a kind heart and a kind spirit. Uh, I don't know like I've always, you know, I think physically, uh, I I've always liked girls that are like taller, um, I don't know, like five, nine, five, ten, five, eleven, ma'am, tall. Yes, ma'am, I'm, uh, I'm like six, three years.
Speaker 1:So oh, you're super tall okay I guess.
Speaker 2:so, um, thank you, but yeah, I've always liked I don't know tall girls, but it's kind of beside the point. Yeah, she's gentle and kind and she's funny. I think being funny and like being just like a little bit weird and a little bit out there like not like weird weird, but like funny weird it doesn't hold anything back, like let's use intrusive thoughts and weird comments just come out A hundred percent and I think she's good around kids, she's good around babies, she's good around animals.
Speaker 2:She has a little animal voice. When she sees a little puppy or a little cat or something, she's like, hey, buddy, hello, I love that. That's one of my. That's literally one of the most attractive things that you can do when you have the animal voice. Ladies, if you're listening to this, you got the animal voice and you send me a voice message. I promise you I might just die.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I might just, I might just propose right then and there, yeah, I might just, I might just propose right then. And there, um, she's I don't know. You look at her and she's like the sun, she's like the color yellow. Um, I feel like that. That's what I want.
Speaker 2:That's what I desire is is a woman that not just is subjectively a good woman to me, but objectively good women to the people that that I care about too, like my mom and my sister and my dad and my brothers. They're all, um, again, like. Their opinions are not the end, all be all but wise counsel opinions are really, really good. So when they see her, when they meet her, they're like yeah, this girl is for real, like she is, she's wonderful. Like she is who she says she is.
Speaker 2:She is confident in her identity. Um, she knows who she is. She's wonderful. Like she is who she says she is. She is confident in her identity. She knows who she is in Christ. She also knows that I'm never going to be able to complete her. I'm always just going to be the peanut butter to her jelly or the jelly to her peanut butter and compliment her. So I think she, she's just, she's a good woman. I think that's the definition of good in the dictionary. That's where you find her name. Whatever her name ends up being. She's a good woman who has a good heart, cares about people, who loves strangers, who loves talking to random people, who does things for people that she doesn't even want recognition for. She doesn't want people to know that she did it, but she will just, without even thinking about it, drop everything she has and go and help somebody else, um, and pour out her, pour herself out to other people. Um, that's it's a little bit more about what I want in a woman.
Speaker 1:I love it. What's okay? Physical quality what's the first thing that you notice about someone? Smile for sure, smile 100 and she's got a pretty smile, some pretty teeth that's mine, mine too, good teeth yeah it's good hygiene good hygiene, yes your uh oral health is connected to your brain health, so brush your teeth, do tongue scraping and floss please, like that's all you gotta do. Just take care.
Speaker 2:Take care of your teeth, for everyone, it's really, really, really the simple thing yeah, take care of your teeth, everybody, everybody. Look, how about this? Everybody? If you are a man and you're listening to this, or you're a woman with a boyfriend, or maybe you don't got a boyfriend but you want a boyfriend find a man who takes care of himself. Find a man who wears chapstick, who wears moisturizer you don't have to wear all the daggum toner and all that type of stuff like sunscreen that's a good idea too, but find a man who takes care of himself, who clips his fingernails, who daggum flosses and brushes his teeth, who showers at least once a day, maybe I mean, hopefully, twice right, Find a man that does those things, because I promise you it is not emasculine, it is not feminine to do those things. That is what someone who cares about themselves and their bodies, the body that the lord gave them, will do. So amanda does that.
Speaker 1:it's just a little tidbit for everyone listening there's a little first, like let's say I'm out and about, and I see an attractive guy and don't know if he's single or not. But how would you like a girl to approach you or have like? I mean, I'm sure you've had some maybe not great approaches, but someone asked a question about that with like, how can you do that? Is it easier to just like go up and just have normal conversation, or I would say yes.
Speaker 2:I would say think about it exactly, just kind of flip the script on. If a guy were to come up to you and ask you for your number or say something to you or compliment you, first Do the same thing to the guy, like how you would want to be approached. Approach the guy with that same mindset and I promise you if he's interested and he desires a conversation with you, it'll mean the absolute world to him. Um, because a lot of times I've found for myself I'm pretty oblivious. Um, when it comes to like, my friends are like oh my gosh, did you not notice this? Did you not notice that? Did you not notice this? Like no, I didn't, because I'm kind of just kind of staying in my own lane, like you said.
Speaker 2:Um, I'm kind of kind of sticking to myself, and it's not that like I am. It's not that I'm introverted, because I'm the most extroverted person you'll ever meet in your life. But I'm not constantly seeking to have like. For instance, I think that guys always go to the bar just to have conversations with women, and that's not the intention. When I go and have a beer with someone, I want to go with my friends and enjoy conversations with my friends, enjoy a drink with my friends and not just go out with the sole intention of talking to women. So if you're a woman and you're listening to this, I think it's perfectly okay to have you come up to me. Um, I think that it is.
Speaker 2:It is kind of the world that we live in, um, it is the dating scene that we live in, is that oftentimes I'm oblivious, um, and it's not that like I'm playing hard to get, I just don't see it. So if I don't see it, then, yes, come up to me 100. But the flip side of that is that me as a man, um, I think that I do know what the bible says about leading a relationship and I guess, like courting from day one, like taking the relationship by lead from day one, and that would involve me coming up to you. But again, I don't see it all the time. I'm sure that other guys don't see all the time. We're pretty oblivious guys. Uh, most of the time we we're not looking all the time around us, just physically speaking, we're not looking around us. So if you see an attractive guy, go up to him and say what you would want him to say to you is what I'd say I think I think.
Speaker 2:What do you think, reagan?
Speaker 1:I think that takes a lot of confidence from a girl's perspective to do that. Um, but one thing like I've done this in the gym before, um, like when people come up and talk to me, like right, and like when I'm working out, like if I'm walking on the treadmill or like leaving the same time with someone.
Speaker 1:That's fine. But just like, hey, like I've seen you around, like we usually come at the same time every day, like I just I'm Reagan, it's nice to meet you and like just being a nice human. And then I think, oh, hey, reagan, and like you'll smile at each other, and then that could lead to something more 100%.
Speaker 2:And again, it doesn't have to be that's a really great point you just made because I think a lot of people and I think pretty much all of us included, we think that it's like an end-all be-all. After that first conversation it's like, oh my gosh, are you in love with me yet? It's like no, probably not. We're probably not in love with each other after the first conversation. So make the introduction. Um, like you said, like hey, I'm reagan. Like we go at the same time, like maybe I'll see you around and just leave it at that. Um, just be a kind human and and if if the lord wants it to happen.
Speaker 2:It's gonna happen, you know.
Speaker 1:So I think that that's just giving it to the lord, like if this is supposed to work out, it will work out. If not, I will pray the prayer If he is not supposed to take me out of it and he'll be gone the next day.
Speaker 2:Yes, ma'am, come on, I'll tell you what I'm scared to pray After I say this for it. Oh, I know it is. I'll tell you what it's. One time I prayed that prayer and no less than 90 seconds later, I get a text from this girl. She's like, hey, I just don't think it's working out Like I'm going to say that about me. She said actually that she was going to go and like date another guy, right, and she was like seeing another guy. And 90 seconds after I finished praying that prayer because I think you, you do it with every relationship, friendships, intimate relationships as well you pray that prayer. I promise you the Lord works fast see the Lord like in action.
Speaker 1:Just pray that prayer.
Speaker 2:But you got to be careful you have to be careful of it you got to be ready for it. You got to be very careful because, look, when it's somebody that you really care about, y'all it hurts really bad if he does take him out of your life. So you have to be very prepared that if he does take him out of your life, you just got to be prepared for that, because chances are he will. If you're even thinking about praying that prayer, most likely they're not supposed to be in your life exactly like you know in your gut, like you have discernment, that this probably shouldn't.
Speaker 2:It's probably yeah, 100 and you know what I would say really quick for for my shy girlies that are listening to this right now, because I know that that walking straight up to a man is very it can be challenging, it can be difficult. Yes, for the shy girls I say, if you're shy, just do really really, really subtle things that you think would get his attention. I don't know if Reagan was going to come up to me at the gym, but she's kind of shy, right. I think that coming and working out next to me would be something that I would enjoy as a male me, would be something that I would enjoy as a male.
Speaker 2:Um, not enjoy, that sounds really weird. Um, but I would. I would see as like okay, you know what, like maybe I was super oblivious before, but now I see you and and like I'm like, okay, yeah, you're, like, you're beautiful, you're working out, you're here, you're getting after it, maybe I'll strike a conversation, so you don't even have to strike up the conversation. So just doing really really subtle things, or you can be kind of bold and just like throw up a wave.
Speaker 2:Hey, yeah like, hey, here's my number and that approach. I like the boldness, I really do. But I also, I think I like the shyness too, because it's like, okay, you probably haven't done this before and that's a really good thing. Like you probably don't do this all the time to everybody that you meet. So I see it when a woman's shy and then either I notice her or she just I don't know, like shyly gives me her number or something like that. Like walk up to me, right, and you can tell she's kind of nervous, I don't know. I think I'm like, okay, you haven't done this before and that's a really that's a good thing, right. Like you don't do this all the time, every day, all day, every day. Every attractive or any, not even attractive to any person that you see, you're not just giving your number out to anybody.
Speaker 2:Exactly, I think.
Speaker 1:I think, cause I know a lot of girls are going to listen to this, obviously, but from I think it's, I like I'm not. Energy sounds weird, but it's like have your mind open to things. Like if I show up somewhere and I like am closed off and I'm not confident and I am not maybe open to new, like conversation, like you can just tell when someone is closed off. So I think it's for sure.
Speaker 1:And be like okay, like I, like I'm going to hold my head a little bit higher and I may not be confident, but I'm going to fake it until I make it, and like I'm open to conversation and I feel like people can read that and people can feel that too. And for me, when I walk into places and I'm like, okay, I'm confident, I'm walking in with my head high and I am open to new conversation and like new relationships with people, people, people see that and they will come up to you and talk to you. Like you can play around with it when you go places, Like even if you go to the grocery store, just, and I swear like people can sense that energy that you're giving off.
Speaker 2:I would totally agree with that. That's such a good point. Oh my gosh, I never even thought about it like that. Wow, that's really good, reagan um.
Speaker 1:I like switch it around with my head.
Speaker 2:Yeah, don't want anyone to talk to me today yeah, okay, like I'm gonna put my head up, I'm gonna put my airpods in, like nobody's gonna talk to me'm going to physically make it look like you can't talk to me. And I'll say another thing for for for the ladies on here Something that my my pastor actually mentioned was really, really crazy, but I never thought about it like this. You know, like I think we all, we all want to meet our future showmate at the church or at somewhere like a coffee shop or something like that. But I want to meet my wife at the church, right, let's say, I want to meet my wife at the church and she comes to church with 15 or 10 of her best friends, right, and she is like girl ganging it up with them. They're sitting together, they're on a circle after church. How am I, as a man, supposed to go and like walk up to the one woman in a crowd and like she's standing there like kind of closed off, like you said, the conversation, I think as a guy, to go up to one girl out of 10, how do you just single her out and say, hey, like I think you're really attractive and I think that you're. Like it's not saying that her friends are not attractive, but it's saying I think you're the most attractive one of your friends and I don't want to make anyone feel unloved or like unattractive or anything like that by not talking to them.
Speaker 2:So my pastor made the point of like girl gangs, like girls that come to church together. It's so good to be in community, it's so good to do that, but I don't know like split up and like go to the bathroom really quick and like kind of take your time to get back to to your friends. Like don't like rush back to your friends, rush to the bathroom, rush here, rush there. Split up and allow yourself to be talked, to, allow yourself to be in conversation. And the same thing for guys, right.
Speaker 2:If you want a girl to come up to you, then you should separate yourself from all your friends because that's even more intimidating. I'm sure that the woman is already intimidated to come and talk to you, but if you're in a group of like five or six guys, she's going to be so much more intimidated to talk to you at that point. So split up and be by yourself for just a second right. Or go to church by yourself, or go and sit by yourself, or in a group of two people, but I, it, we, we put ourselves in these positions of like closing ourselves off without even knowing it. Um, maybe it's not on purpose, but we don't even know that we're closing ourself off by going and sitting with a hundred of our closest friends, um, at church or at a coffee shop or something like that I'm all about.
Speaker 1:I don't know how do you feel about that. I'm all about. I don't know how do you feel about that.
Speaker 1:I'm all about doing things by myself, like I do love going by myself and then like coffee shops or I'll go eat by myself, like that's one thing that if you're, if even if you're not single, I encourage you to do this. But do solo date nights. It is so uncomfortable, but go to a restaurant by yourself. You can sit at the bar if you need to, but like take a book, take a journal, don't be on your phone and like literally sit there and eat by yourself and it is the most uncomfortable thing. But it's also so freeing and it's one of those opportunities.
Speaker 1:Not that you go on a, I go on a solo date night to be like oh, I hope a cute guy at the restaurant comes up to talk to me, but like it is a conversation starter and yeah, into that, or if you just need a night by yourself. But I encourage anyone like single especially. Like take yourself on your ideal date and get even deeper and spend time alone. And I think that just exclude no, um, what's the word I'm looking for? It gives off so much oh, it exudes confidence, right?
Speaker 2:is that the word?
Speaker 1:I don't know, I mean, that's the word, but it gives off from a guy's perspective. You know you I mean, for if I was a guy, I feel like I would want a woman who isn't like she's independent, like she can do things on her own and she doesn't need a guy to have fun or to do these things with herself, and like same thing with a guy. I I want a guy that's independent and does his own thing, where I can do my own thing and like it's very healthy. But I don't know, I think there's a lot of confidence in that.
Speaker 2:That's a good one. Wow, I love that you take yourself on dates.
Speaker 2:I try and do that at least once a week too. The same kind of thing, just going and sitting by yourself, and it's not at first. It is super awkward to everyone who's listening. It is really, really awkward. So, like, just be prepared for that, because it is.
Speaker 2:That's okay, though I think, like you said, with the, it doesn't just like show. It does show that you're independent, but it also shows that, like you're so confident, like where the Lord has you, like you are confident who he made you to be that you are, you're so confident, like where the lord has you, like you are confident who he made you to be that you are, you are able to, like get to know yourself, like you said, and really, really fall in love with you before you fall in love with another person, because you can only give of yourself out of the overflow of what's already in your heart. So if you have a lot of love for for your lord and for yourself and your heart, I so, if you have a lot of love for your Lord and for yourself and your heart, I promise you you're going to be able to love other people 10 times more than you could ever have loved them before.
Speaker 2:So I agree with that and you know I want going back to kind of the quality things of a woman. I do want an independent woman. For sure, like I want her. I'm going to open her doors for her a hundred percent, like no doubt. But I also want her to realize that that I know and I realize and I see that she can a hundred percent open her doors for herself, like no doubt. In my mind she can do that, she is strong enough to do that for sure, and I trust her with that.
Speaker 2:But I also want her to to realize that me, as a man, like desire to do that that is a way that I will make you feel feel special and feel loved, as is by doing those really, really small things. So, um, I realize, women, that you guys can open your doors for yourself. I realize that 100 percent, um, and you are strong enough and perfectly capable to for sure. But I want to open it for you because I know that it's going to make you feel I hope it makes you feel cared about, and that's the way that I want to. It's a little act of service that I like to do too, I don't know. So show you that care about you.
Speaker 1:I've always heard that's a good point because I, I am very independent. So I think previously before, like in relationships or dating, it's been very like I could do this myself, Like I don't need that kind of protecting me, I think. But really like with masculine and feminine roles and I'm like I'm very big on that Like letting guys do things for you allows you to step back into the feminine, your femininity, Femininity.
Speaker 2:I feel like that was a good word, that was a great pronunciation of that we're finding an email right now the inanemone.
Speaker 1:Feminine which allows a man to be more masculine. And I've was listening to a podcast, I've heard this a few times. But guys fall in love by acts of service and like, by providing and by doing things. So even like I have noticed with myself of like I don't know, like unloading bags from the car, like letting the guy do that Right, I can get my own suitcase, but let him do that, like let him take care in that way, and I think for the girls listening, you're fully capable of doing it yourself, but a masculine man will want to do those things for you.
Speaker 2:That's so good, so true For you. Ladies listening, take what she said to heart, because she said it better than I could have ever said it myself, for sure, and my mom even tells me this all the time. And kind of back to your point of like I know I can do it myself, but I want to let the man do it so that he can be masculine and I can be feminine masculine and I can be feminine. And like my mom says this to me, she's like you have to let people do things, do nice things for you occasionally, like you have to let them do that, because if that's the way that you show me right, like you want, you want to show me that you love me, that's by, that's going to be by doing nice things for me, and if that's the way that you show me you love me, then I should let you do that. Why am I stopping you from doing that?
Speaker 2:So, in relationship, yes, I feel so gracious, I feel so thankful when somebody does nice things for me, but for so long and I hope that some of y'all can relate to this that I felt like I don't want you to do something nice for me. That's my place to do something nice for you. Like you are the woman, like I should be doing all these nice things for you and then I was neglecting myself. So you have to on both sides, like the man and the woman. I think we have to just allow ourselves to have nice things done to us, because if that's how the other person wants to show you that they care about you, you should let them do that yeah, I love that, my mom yeah shout out to mama she's the best.
Speaker 1:We love her I know we've been talking for a hot minute and we're like, probably ready to get up. I know you said you hate facetime. You're probably like I, probably ready to get up, I know you said you hate FaceTime.
Speaker 2:You're probably like I'm ready to walk around. No, I love this, reagan. This conversation with you has been so incredible and I'm so thankful to be on here. You have no idea.
Speaker 1:Well, what's your ideal first date?
Speaker 2:Oh, my ideal first date is definitely not dinner. I am not a dinner guy at all. I'm an experienced guy. I'm a let's go do something type of guy. I'm a hey, like. We're going to, I'm going to pick you up, we're going to go on a walk, we're going to get some coffee, we're going to get some hot chocolate. If it's cold outside, we're going to go outside and do something, or maybe inside, but like, I like to do something, or maybe inside, but I like to do something outside.
Speaker 2:Because you have nature, you are in your element, I guess you'd say, and I want to make the woman feel so comfortable and so free to be her. And I think that at dinner you're not free to be you. I think that you're in this cage, in this box of. I have to have good answers to these questions and I have nowhere to escape, to like I can't. I can't look at the trees over here if I'm kind of nervous. I can't look over here and look at the trees and look at this person and look at this bird over here if you're at dinner.
Speaker 2:So, um, I think, doing something together and like getting your body moving, getting that's like where you, I think, where you feel naturally yourself is when your serotonin and your your um, I guess endorphins are like running high, and so that also, uh, going on a walk just releases those and allows you to be you, allows you to be fully you and fully step into who you are as a person. So I would say going on a walk, a walk, would be really, really wonderful and that's kind of like the start of the day. And then, I think, going and getting tacos and like eating them outside, not like a really like slow, like really slow music, like piano music in the background, no, like something like upbeat, something fun, sitting outside, eating something that you like, whatever it is, I want you to pick the date or pick the dinner, for sure, ma'am.
Speaker 1:Outdoors guy.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, big outdoors guy, again it just I want her to feel like she's not in a box. I want her to feel like she is able to be her able to say what she wants to say, do what she wants to do and also enjoy the date at the same time. And I think going and taking the truck and either sitting outside with the food outside the restaurant or like in the bed of my truck and just like having conversations, like truly getting down to like the nitty gritty of it, um, on the first day, and asking important questions, uh, on that date, so I'd say a walk and then going to get dinner outside somewhere, um, and sitting in the bed of my truck, would be a great, a great first date. That's my ideal first date.
Speaker 2:And I know it's not much, I know it may not seem. It may not seem special to a lot of guys, because a lot of guys in my friend group specifically, they have. They love dinner dates a lot as first dates and I'm like guys, I love that, I love that for you all, like I really do. But I'm not a dinner date on a first date type of guy. That's just never been, that's never been me. It's never been. It probably will never be me, so that's my ideal first date type of guy uh, that's just never been.
Speaker 1:That's never been me, it's never been, it probably will never be me. So that's my, my ideal first date. Yeah, I'm, I'm the same way. I um, I think it's important to this, like maybe is not great of me, but when I've been on, like asked on a date before and it was a dinner date, like I haven't declined the date but I have suggested something else because you do, yes, your best self, like I'm most confident in like athleisure, loungewear. I love getting dressed up, but it's not me right off the bat. You know what I mean. So I think is a.
Speaker 1:I think a walk is a very good um, like coffee and walk dates. That's like an ideal situation because it allows you to just like be present. But also I feel like walking brings such good conversation too and you're not just like sitting there staring across from each other like where do I put my hands? What do I do? Did drink that weird? Like you're not just focused on all that, you're doing. That I think from a girl's perspective, like, if you don't feel comfortable on a dinner date, first suggest something else. Like suggest maybe two or three other things and then let him choose that, because, yeah, you want to show up as your best self and there's no like the coffee date or the walking date, like you can put a time limit on that and be like, yeah, like have a meeting like in an hour and a half and like, if it goes, if the wall goes, great, that is good. But if it doesn't, like you can get out.
Speaker 2:It's okay. Yeah, you already have like the time limit on it and everything, like everything is. It's so stress-free, it's so um, I don't know, like it's just worry-free. Like you said, it's the best. Like walking does bring great, great conversation, and if you feel confident in a walk, if you feel confident in athleisure, then that's where I want to take you.
Speaker 2:Like that's what the first date should be is where you feel confident and just let me, let me adapt to whatever you say first, right, like I think that that, that me planning it and then you giving your advice. I love that. I love that. Enjoy that so wholeheartedly, because I think so many times we're so set on on like well, if it's not this is the first date, then it's not going to be this is the second date or vice versa. And you have to be, I don't know, adaptable but also like fluid and just make the woman feel comfortable. And ladies out there, like you should feel comfortable on the first date. You should feel your best self on the first date and you can be picky, you can be choosy on like what dates you accept and what dates you don't, and if something does not make you comfortable, either, like reagan said suggest something else, or just don't go like maybe that's not the man for you that's fair.
Speaker 1:It's not worth. It's not worth making yourself uncomfortable like just to make someone else comfortable if you don't want to go on a date and that can go, yeah, exactly. Patience, too, is like choose yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no doubt. And also I'll tell you what all you ladies listening, and men too, you don't owe anybody anything. You don't owe somebody a second date. You don't owe somebody a second date. You don't owe somebody a third date. If there are questions that you have after the first date or after the second date, or in the middle of the date that you're like you know what?
Speaker 2:I don't really know. That was interesting and I didn't really like that. Then ask the question, get to the bottom of it and if you don't like the answer, then you don't have to go on a second date with them, you don't have to go on a third date with them, you don't owe anybody anything at all. That's what dating is, is like you don't? Everybody that you're going to first date with does not have to get a second date, does not have to get a third date. That is for dang dang sure. So when you're going on a first date with a guy, ladies like just realize that this could be it and that's okay. This first date could be all it is. Maybe half the date goes by and you're like you know what? I don't really like this guy. I'm going to call my friend and I'm going to get out of this. That's okay, that's perfectly fine. I'm sure that happens every. I'm sure that's happening literally right now as we're talking, and you're listening to this a hundred percent.
Speaker 1:No, it is. So, yeah, I am. I am very much a supporter of like you don't owe anyone anything, even if like, nope, Like if it's a boundary that you have, you do not owe them anything. You saying the date date if you feel uncomfortable. So I am very much on the boundary train the boundaries.
Speaker 2:Boundaries are so uh, they're so unhealthy, they're so healthy. There are also everyone listening there are different types of boundaries. There are physical boundaries, but there are also emotional and spiritual boundaries that you should have in relationship and the man should set those boundaries a hundred percent. And if he's not, then I promise you there's a really good chance that he's not the man that God has for you. If he's not setting those boundaries early and often saying we're not going here and we're not going to go here and we're not going to go here and that's where the boundary is in my heart, that's where the boundary is biblically, then that's that, that that's a good man. And if he doesn't do that, then I don't. I'm not saying that he can't be a good man if he doesn't set boundaries, but I'm saying that there's a really good chance that he he does not have your best interest at heart if he does not set quality boundaries and biblical boundaries that was good.
Speaker 1:I feel like that was good to wrap up on. That was like a mic drop I think it could be too.
Speaker 2:Reagan, I feel like you're reagan's actually tired of talking about you guys.
Speaker 1:That's flashy no, I'm not. We've been talking for almost two hours, which is crazy.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, wow, it's 5.15. That's crazy.
Speaker 1:I hope I'm not disrespecting his time. I'm sorry, no no, no, no.
Speaker 2:What everybody doesn't realize is it's actually our first date, so we're actually not disrespecting any time.
Speaker 1:We're going to get coffee after this on a walk.
Speaker 2:We're actually on a walk right now, recording this podcast together as we're drinking coffee on our first date we're actually together right now. We're guys, if y'all didn't know, well the secret and the cat is out of the bag me and megan are dating this was so fun, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Thank you for being on the podcast thank you so much for having me message cam and see if he wants to be on the podcast, and I'm grateful that you said yeah. So thank you, know what's?
Speaker 2:really crazy. Thank you first for having me. Um, what is really wild is that, like a couple days before uh, I don't know like it was either a couple days, that like a couple of days before, I don't know like it was either a couple of days or maybe a couple of hours. One of the two it was a very, very short time period. Right before you reached out to me. I was on my way home from something and I saw one of your videos and I just like, like the Lord, really like, put it on my heart, like I don't know what it was, but he literally put you like on my heart. I don't know what it was, but he literally put you like on my heart. I don't know why, I don't know what it was for, and in a couple days or a, couple hours.
Speaker 2:I can't again I can't remember how long it was, but it was a very short amount of time. You reached out and we're like, hey, do you want to be on this podcast? I'm like what are? That was the sign that said yes, 100%. That's wild.
Speaker 1:Social media is a really cool thing and I know we talked about that in the first episode that I'm going to split it up into. But there's a lot of negativity but there's also so many beautiful things that come from it and new connections and new friendships and new relationships. So, yeah, thank you for being on the podcast and thanks everyone for listening and if you loved it, go let cam know and send them a and most likely you're gonna get a coffee and a walk date if you do that for sure, or a ring.
Speaker 2:whichever one comes first.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you, cam, for being on the podcast and thanks everyone for listening.
Speaker 2:Thank you all so much.
