Made for More
Made for More
Mental Health, Self-Love, and Exercise Performance w/ Mental Health Counselor + Nutrition Coach Ellin Gurvitch
Join Ellin Gurvitch, a licensed mental health counselor and certified nutrition and performance coach, as she explores the intersection of mental and physical well-being. Ellin brings extensive experience in tackling issues such as anxiety, depression, OCD, and eating disorders, coupled with a holistic approach to health.
In this episode, Ellin reveals how adopting an athlete’s mindset can enhance your resilience, discipline, and self-talk. Discover practical tools for mental resilience, including visualization techniques and the 4-7-8 breathing method. Ellin also discusses her approach in her practice, Mentally Fit with Ellin, and emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care.
Hear candid insights on navigating societal pressures, managing social drinking, and the value of self-reflection. Ellin’s personal stories highlight the benefits of self-love and solitude, demonstrating how “dating yourself” can foster self-confidence and inner peace.
Tune in for actionable strategies and inspiration to boost your mental and physical health.
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Hello, hello, welcome to Made for More, the podcast. My name is Regan and I'm so thankful that you're tuning in for today's episode. I loved this episode. I actually recorded this a little over a month ago and this is with one of my friends that I just want to say.
Speaker 1:Social media gets a negative rep but honestly, it is such a beautiful thing because it allows you to connect with people that have the same passions as you and have the same hobbies and gives you a chance to meet people and have conversations with people that you would never even run into. And I think that is my favorite thing about social media is that it just gives you a different sort of, gives you some different people that you can bounce things off of and connect with, and that is a beautiful thing about it, and that is what this episode is. Um has come from and I love making friends on social media, which sounds silly, but it's seriously one of my favorite things. This episode is with one of my friends, ellen Gervich, and she is just the most beautiful, kind, empathetic person that I have gotten to connect with, and her passion for athletes, her passion for people, her passion for mental health and just the soft spokenness in her voice is. It's so evident when you talk to her, it's so evident when you hear this episode, and I'm so thankful that her and I connected.
Speaker 1:Ellen is a licensed mental health counselor. She practices in New York City and then she's also a certified nutrition and performance coach. She has her bachelor's in psychology from Hartford and then she got her master's degree in mental health counseling at mental health counseling at Hunter college and she specializes in sports and performance psychology, which is literally right up my alley and it's right up our alley too. This is such a wonderful episode. We're definitely going to have Ellen back on because it's uh, the conversation. We could have talked for hours and about so many different topics that I want to pick her brain about.
Speaker 1:We talked about the next one, maybe doing attachment issues or attachment not attachment issues, but attachments in dating and relationships, and that would be a really fun one. So if we do that, I'll have to put a question box up on Instagram and get all the deets and get some questions about that. But Ellen is so passionate, she is such an incredible human and you will feel so inspired and so just well-rounded and have a different perspective on things as well. She also opens up and shares a little bit of her story, and it's a really vulnerable episode. So thank you, ellen, for being on and just being so wonderful, and I'm excited that you guys are listening. So let's jump into it and yeah let's get into it.
Speaker 1:Hello, Ellen. Welcome to Made for More Thanks. I'm so excited to be here. I know.
Speaker 2:It's been such a long time coming. It has been. I think we connected like in the wintertime Winter in New York at least, yeah, winter in New York.
Speaker 1:And then it's been like the past few months of us trying to get our schedules together and then we chatted on the phone. That was probably like two months ago. We had like a super long conversation just getting to know each other.
Speaker 2:I know, yeah, we have a lot in common, so I'm so excited.
Speaker 1:I know for the people listening.
Speaker 2:Um, tell us a little bit about you and what you do and what you love yeah, so, um, I am a mental health counselor, I'm a therapist and I have a background in sport and performance psychology, so I have my own coaching business right now it's called Mentally Fit. With Ellen, I do mindset coaching and nutrition coaching. I'm actually working on getting my personal training certificate. I'm really passionate about the the benefits of exercise and nutrition and what they have in mental health. So that's how I kind of got into the field. That's amazing.
Speaker 1:I didn't know that you were getting your personal training.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm going to hopefully do it Exactly. Yeah, that's my goal, because I really believe, like it's a whole, it's a whole mindset, it's. It's uh, it should be a one-stop shop. That's what mental health is. It's like what, how you fuel yourself, like what you absorb into your, your mind and how you treat your body.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's amazing. Congratulations, cause you just finished up something right, yeah, I just got.
Speaker 2:Um, well, I finished grad school for my mental health counseling master's degree about two and a half years ago. But for like two and a half years I kind of call it like the residency period you have to get licensed. It's kind of like you're a resident as a doctor but you're a therapist and you counsel under supervision and you have to accumulate 3000 hours and take your boards. So that took about two and a half years and that was a journey in itself. So I got licensed in March, or, yeah, march, and now I'm able to practice independently. So I started Mentally Fit with Ellen as coaching, not therapy, before I was licensed, because you can practice independently when you're not licensed as a therapist. But I hope mentally fit with Ellen one day will be a place where you go, come for therapy, coaching, mindset work, personal training and nutrition, kind of like a one stop shop lifestyle brand and community really lifestyle, brand and community.
Speaker 1:really that's so exciting. So, with your residency, are you bouncing around from different departments throughout those two and a half years, or did like? What environment were you in inside of that and like what did and didn't you like?
Speaker 2:and like what did and didn't you like? Yeah, that's a good question. So right out of college, right out of grad school, I started at a group private practice and I stayed there the whole time. I worked with a lot of anxiety, depression, ocd, relationship issues, transition, lifestyle transition, adhd, eating disorders, and so it was a. I got a lot of experience in different areas and that was great, because experience is key you want to be able to also like. It kind of taught me and had me think about okay, what do I want to specialize in?
Speaker 2:I always knew I loved working with anxiety and stress management and relationship challenges and lifestyle transitions, especially within athletes and business professionals and I call them gym go-getters. But working with a different population like OCD and like ADHD. I never thought I would like working with a different population like OCD, um, and like ADHD. I never thought I would like working with that. So that was it was a really, really great opportunity. So I learned a lot. I learned a lot. It was. It was challenging at times, um, but you know, challenges make us better and stronger more opportunities.
Speaker 1:So was it working? You working with one-on-one clients in that setting?
Speaker 2:Yeah, Individual um therapy. So is it working? You working with one-on-one clients in that setting? Yeah, individual um therapy? Yeah, so, like, let's say, I work I still work a lot, but like I could see that up to five to seven clients a day, um, and 45 minute sessions. You have 15 minutes in between a session. So if you think about it, like I literally have 15 minutes to pee, shove something in my mouth maybe, look at my phone and answer like my sister that's like the only person I answered during the day um, and yeah, it was really hard, though, because it was such a grind for so many years. And it's interesting because, yeah, like I I got super anxious. That's when I feel like during grad school and after grad school, my anxiety went up insanely, um, and I really had to take care of myself because I was there for so many people but I wasn't taking care of me.
Speaker 1:So I was going to ask because, especially in person, like not just a phone call where you can disconnect, I mean you're still connected, but that's very different between a phone call and like being in person how did you I mean for seven hours a day or six hours a day, like how do you or how did you take care of yourself emotionally rather than just are you? I mean I'm assuming like you're a very empathetic person, I feel like you have to be, to be in that field.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, yeah, like, maybe two empathetics at times and that's the. So you have to kind of like, create your boundaries. I kind of call them like and I I would try to practice what I preach. So with a lot of my clients I talk about these non-negotiables, what are so important to you, that like are your things that you will not negotiate for.
Speaker 2:So for me it was some type of like morning routine, like movement. For me, movement is medicine, um, nourishing, how, what am I putting into my body? How am I fueling myself? That makes me feel great. And like honoring, honoring me. Um, yeah, I, I also I love being social. I have great friends.
Speaker 2:So a part of that was like at least doing like one thing a week. Like at least doing like one thing a week. Normally the weekends I'm very social, but it's hard because when you're in person, it's you're working so many muscles actually, if you like, think about it with exercise but like your brain muscles, like you're working really like your mind and your body, because you're connecting with the person, the client. That's like in your room and you're feeling like what they're feeling and you're really connecting with them. So like I get closer, my body gets closer, I make sure, like my body language is open, not closed. Um, my mind is working, so I'm keeping track what they're saying, also thinking about cognitively. Keeping track what they're saying, also thinking about cognitively. What's my? How am I going to guide them to think deeper into their current challenge that they're, that they're presenting with or that they want to get better with? And, like my, my style is that I believe that therapy and like working on your mental health is not something that's just for someone who's like in a specific challenge or like in specific crisis.
Speaker 2:I believe learning about yourself is pure mental and physical strength, because it teaches you so much about you and you're the most important person you're with and talk to daily, so you need to form a relationship with yourself. But how are you supposed to do that if you don't know yourself? So what's coming up from childhood that made you into a person you are today? So exploring that and like talking about that, it just makes you more compassionate and and more aware of like how you act and respond in certain situations. So if, like you react on something and like you're angry instead of being upset at yourself which oftentimes we are there's a lot of guilt towards that. You're curious with yourself. Why am I? I'm curious why I'm responding in that way. Well, this reminds me of, like this situation in childhood when, like I was always secluded and excluded in school. So that's why I'm responding to this now, in my adult life. So it's just to take a positive oriented approach to everything.
Speaker 1:You are a very positive person, so you can definitely and I know people that are listening can hear that in your voice too. I'm glad that you said that about therapy too. I do feel like our generation is creating more of a positive stigma around therapy, because I know, you know, that maybe people are my parents' age is very like you don't need therapy, like what's wrong with you and it's like this negative stigma. But have you, have you worked with a lot of clients that have come to you that just want to get to know themselves better, without having like a specific? You know, I'm in therapy because of this exact reason.
Speaker 2:Definitely as a therapist, I see that and also as a coach. So like, with Mentally Filled With that, I work with a lot of people in finance and like, let's say, if they have a boyfriend and they're struggling in their relationship, they come to me and we talk about it. Um, people who want to build a better routine or lifestyle and in a therapy space, someone's people come to me. They just want to. They're going through a life transition with jobs and that's causing them a lot of stress and anxiety, so much work, stress and anxiety. It makes me so sad, honestly, because, like we work so much as a society and like everyone is so unhappy at work, so it's like managing that and I like to use a term like. It's kind of like Ben Bergeron, like chase more excellence, like his like podcast and that always stood out to me, like I love his podcast because it's really true. Like let's get better in life, let's create a better version of ourselves.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then then you show up better for people in your life and then you attract better people too and you're able to I've seen this with myself like set better boundaries of hey, like this, this doesn't bring value to my life, and being able to have more of a strict boundary with that, with not even letting those things into your life or like those thoughts into your life. So, oh my gosh, I feel like we need to do, we're gonna do this podcast today and then we need to and you can talk more about like I feel like there's so I mean, there's so many different avenues that we could talk about today, especially, like you said, their relationships, or like finding your worth. I mean literally like living, to work basically so many people are like that Like there's so many different avenues that we can.
Speaker 2:We're going to have to do many sessions. We can, we can have many, many sessions.
Speaker 1:Let's come on the podcast and talk about this. What made you? I'm curious, why? Why do you have such a heart for people Like? Why? Why do you do what you do Like what? What's your purpose in it?
Speaker 2:That's such a good question that requires, like I've had to do a lot of soul searching for that. So just like to be transparent, like not everyone like knows, like their why, and like I encourage people, don't put so much pressure on it, just live. There's so much pressure, like to know, but for me, because I've made it a priority to like invest in my I believe physical and mental health through even if it's like exercise, nutrition and therapy, I've kind of discovered it's really about what I, what I've been modeled at home since a young, young girl. I'm very blessed, thank God I come from a great family that I'm very close with and I feel like my parents always spoke to me in ways of encouragement and they always provided empathy for me. So I feel like I was able to take that into my work and I've always been like that friend that was a great listener.
Speaker 2:Like people just came to me like for advice. But it's very interesting because a lot of people will be like, oh, I could be a therapist, I'm good at giving advice, but therapy is not really about giving advice. It's really about guiding someone and challenging their thought process. But the empathy element is something that I just connect, that I feel like I'm able to like visualize what they're going through and and put me into them, for them, for that moment and I care yeah, it's such a special trait to have and it's so special and such a blessing that you had that modeled growing up too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I really do count my blessings for that and thank God every day, because you have to count your blessings.
Speaker 1:Well, I love that. Yeah, I mean it sounds like you've kind of gone every avenue with working with people and with coaching. Do you so with your coaching business? I want to talk kind of with health and fitness inside, inside of that, and I know, like I said, never some questions and stuff and we've talked about it's just going to gonna flow. But with your people that you said you call them gym go-getters, right, yeah, yes, I love that. Um, people that just want to live a healthy life and prioritize their health, I think we're all athletes too, right like it. One one thing it made me think of this yesterday is like how I view myself and how I speak to myself. I was working out in a new gym and there was a trainer in there and he was like like, are you a new trainer here? And I was like no, like I'm just working out. He's like, oh, are you an athlete? And immediately I was like no, like I don't play sports anymore.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then then I was like actually like, yeah, I am and I love that I do high rocks and marathons and I work out hard and I think, like even just being able, because I do feel like I've been seeing myself in that way recently, or like an athlete or someone who's healthy, like, like, because I believe that about myself it truly subconsciously guides my other decisions, like inside of my nutrition and how I speak to myself and how I carry myself and my discipline of, like, you know, going to the gym, even if I don't want to being like but I'm an athlete, like. It was just a little moment there that and it made me think about our podcast, cause I'm like, okay, how you view yourself and how you speak to yourself matters because subconsciously, like, all these other things are going to follow that.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, as you're talking, my like heart is on fire Cause I feel the same way. I get that too at the gym, are you an? And then I chuckle inside like no, I just do this for fun, like I'm crazy, like that. But it's true, like honestly, like life is a marathon, so you might as well be ready. Like how are you if you could train your mind to go to the gym every day and lift that crazy weight and do it and put it overhead, why can't you do that in any other aspect of your life? Like showing up for you at the gym when it's hard, when it's heavy, when it doesn't feel good, like the gym is the one place where you actually see progress and you have to put it in, like you have to put the work in. So how is that transferable to your work life? How is that transferable to your relationships? How is that transferable to your work life? How's that transferable to relationships? How's that transferable to so many other things? I think that's what I'm most passionate about is how could you take, like, the mindset of a gym go-getter, someone who goes to the gym, trains like an athlete you know, speaks to themselves in a growth mindset way and with some mental toughness, how can you transfer that to your work day when you don't want to do your research project, you don't want to, um, go into that board meeting because you're scared. Like how? Like?
Speaker 2:I learned this in crossfit because really, like my fitness journey began like there. Um, that was when I really saw like the mental gains I mean physical too like literally changed my whole physique. But mentally I was like, oh my God, I never thought I'd be able to lift that. And then I was like, and then the feeling I got when I actually lifted that and like I did it, like I did it, I was like, whoa, I could do hard things. And then I was like this was before I got my master's degree. Like I never thought I would get a master's. Like I struggled in school tremendously. I have dyslexia, I have a learning disability Like that is a whole nother story. Like I know self-confidence and once I joined CrossFit and I saw like what I could do when I put my mind to something and showed up it was like transferable. So I feel like that's really the answer that you asked me in the beginning of the podcast. What is like? Tell me about it.
Speaker 1:That's really me, so I worked out before CrossFit or like just kind of dabble in things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have. I've always like been athletic Like I played soccer. I'm from Florida, so I played soccer growing up. I was always a starter, like I was always good. I played basketball, volleyball, and then I went to college, not being a college athlete, and then I got into the gym and then I got really bored and then my senior year I got into CrossFit and I drank the Kool-Aid and never turned back, just jumped straight into it.
Speaker 1:I yeah, I, I do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because I mean CrossFit is extremely challenging, not only physically, but even just like the quick little 10 minute AMRAPs, like like mentally it's extremely hard and I love that the I always say, like you build confidence through doing what you say you're going to do and then doing things that you've never done before, and I think it's such a beautiful way to um to show that, and that's like I feel like your story is the exact example of your. The confidence that you created inside of the gym like truly did pour over into every area of your life and in a growth mindset inside of that. That's what I wanted to ask you about when you were talking about with people or with clients that are extremely successful in the gym and like that is part of their routine, using their success and their discipline with that and cultivating a growth mindset so that does go over into other areas of their life. What are, what are some ways that like you would specifically help someone with that, or is it more so just kind of talking them through that?
Speaker 2:So we work a lot with, like, the mental skills. What are the mental reps? I call it? How are we going to build biceps in your brain, right? So, just like in the gym, when you're visualizing yourself like lifting that, you're going to visualize yourself before that board meeting, before that scary call with a client, and actually put yourself in that position and visualize yourself succeeding Truly. As you said, it's all about confidence. You have to believe it. We're also going to practice like breathing. So like it's all about your breath. Four, seven, eight. Breathing is so research backed, it's amazing. So breathe in for four, hold for seven, breathe out for eight and do that like four times. It's really powerful.
Speaker 1:Wait, if people are listening right now, you should pause it and do that right now.
Speaker 2:Four, seven, eight love it, I love that, yeah, there's so many other like transferable mindset shifts. I call it mental skills, mental reps that you could build from performance being a gym go-getter, being an athlete that you could take into work into your relationships with friends, with challenging, challenging situations.
Speaker 1:I love the visualization side of things. I think back to college softball and I use visualization now inside of like my races and inside of training. But if I could go back to college softball, reagan, and like really, if I knew how much that plays a difference inside of things like how much better of an athlete or performance wise or you know, like stats wise things would have been. Um, so I got always. I always think about that. So it's funny that you brought that up, because visualization, because our brain is always trying to prove itself right, correct.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's. Yeah, it's always trying to think of ways to succeed. But we'll always have that inner critic. So our brain's always telling us why we can't do that, why we can't wake up early and go to the gym, why we can't study, why we can't do that hard thing. So we have to manipulate our brain and it's possible. That's through positive self-talk. Those mantras, visualization, like I always. I like to say like emotions are information. Like you're feeling scared and anxious because it's scary and it's telling you how much you care about the situation. So you're anxious because you care a lot. So you don't have to act on that. Like you don't have to act on the anxiety. You have a choice, but notice the information behind it. The information is key. I care so much, so run with that. That's why I'm feeling anxious. So it's like validating your emotions.
Speaker 1:I love that. I've never heard it put that way, cause I think we see anxiety as such a bad thing, but it's like if you didn't care about it, you wouldn't lose sleep over it, right.
Speaker 2:You wouldn't If you think about. Anxiety is like all about the future. Stress is normally about the present. Anxiety is really future oriented you're so scared about. I was nervous before this podcast. I was anxious this morning. Oh my gosh, I woke up and I was like I was. It was excitement but I was fearful and I was like it's how much I care, cause I care, cause I want to be able to, to inspire people Like I care about you. I want to make sure like my image is what you want, like a hundred percent, but no real thing.
Speaker 1:And um so to a a positive place of like, a place of gratitude, of like I'm so thankful that I cared this much about it. Um yeah, because you wouldn't want to have a meeting or, you know like work with someone too that didn't have any yeah like whatever, like I'll just show up and do it like you want to have that behind it. Yeah, so I. So I love the. I love that mindset switch. I'm going to start using that for myself and for clients too. It's like yeah you do care.
Speaker 2:Wow, change is scary, like doing things that are uncomfortable or scary but that's when you grow. That's really when you grow and learn a lot about yourself.
Speaker 1:Do you have any practices with yourself or do anything with clients of like trying to get a certain uncomfortable amount of things for a week, or like are you purposely seeking out uncomfortable things throughout the week for yourself things throughout the week for yourself?
Speaker 2:Yeah, totally, totally. I personally do try to seek out things that are challenges as opportunities for growth. So if it's a hard workout, if it's things that work, come up all the time. So for me, I'm very type A, I could plan, I'm a planner, I like things to really be a certain way, I like to control things. But I've worked on that.
Speaker 2:So I've worked on allowing things to come in the middle of the day and see it as you know, opportunities or I could respond to them rather than react.
Speaker 2:So reacting to things are instant, it's like automatic, and normally reactions are like not so helpful to the situation, because they could come off as angry, passive, aggressive, and they're really based on emotions. Responding is thoughtful, collective, taking like three seconds or seven, eight, breathing, even if it's once, and like thinking how you want to respond, based on, like, your values and you. So that's what I try to do, honestly like I don't know how my client is going to come into session at all, and that's the scary part, because I've had situations where clients come in not so hot and like I've had to change my whole day because of it if there was like a crisis or something. So, like you never know, and that's why it's kind of like, outside of work and throughout my life I'm always trying to build my, my mind and my in my muscles, in my head, so I could respond in a calm way and present I that's incredible um with.
Speaker 1:I want to go back to your story. Was there a certain moment or something that specifically happened that you cause? I feel like we all sort of have this in our story Maybe some people don't but that it was like okay, yes, like I want to go back and get my master's and this is my calling, this is my purpose, like this is what I want to do. Was there any kind of light switch moment for you that that happened?
Speaker 2:I would say um. So growing up with a learning disability had a lot of different challenges. Um, I went to a school that was really hard for me, um, and I was actually like so normally, you know, in high schools everyone like has their classes. I went to a small, like private Jewish school in Florida and it was pretty like competitive. A lot of people went to like great colleges and I couldn't really keep up with the classes. So my mom kind of created this program for me with one teacher it was me and another kid and we were like in the library with one teacher for like every class. And that was when I kind of developed this mindset that I like I just had a lot of low self-esteem so I wasn't succeeding academically at all. And when I went to college that was challenging. That could be a whole nother story.
Speaker 2:But when I went to college I went to the University of Hartford. That was the first time I felt like I was in an academic environment that I could succeed in, like I was actually getting A's from my hard work. I go, I was studying and actually do well in high school, like I go out, study and actually do well, um, in high school like I would study and like not do well, because it was just not the learning style that my brain needs. Um, having a learning disability is just different. Um, and I in college I learned my self-worth and I was like okay, like I had a teacher say to me like you should just go to like vocational school, like a two-year degree, and like be like. I had a teacher say to me like you should just go to like vocational school, like a two-year degree, and like be like a sonogram technician. And if you know me, that's like what. Like no one believed in me, no one believed I could do it. So it was always that like narrative in my head. That was like my motivation, so that was. And then I took a sports, like I always knew I wanted to go into psychology and then I took a sports like class, and then my professor really guided and mentored me, um, to get my master's in mental health.
Speaker 2:But I do want to say, like that childhood experience and like having that narrative that I wasn't going to be able to do it and be enough still haunts me to this day. Like it's definitely that narrative that I wasn't going to be able to do it and be enough still haunts me to this day, like it's definitely that thing. That's like I always feel like I need to prove myself to people, um, improve, improve myself to those like teachers that didn't believe in me. Like prove that you know, like I have a voice, um voice because I never felt like I did as a kid. So, as you can imagine, that could have. Like, I always like to say like motivation, like there's a continuum, there's like you could have, I mean pressure, like some pressure is good but some pressure isn't good. It's like how do you find the balance? So I like pressure was good in the sense that I motivated myself.
Speaker 2:I went to grad school, but the pressure in the bad sense didn't create so the best healthy habits for me that you know I I've been working on. I have worked on myself. Um, yeah, it caused me to be like really burnt out in grad school. Like I always felt like I had to prove myself and then, with fitness, I was exercising too much at one point, lost a lot of weight during COVID and that was really challenging and I feel like through exercise, that was like the one thing I could control and like prove myself to people because I was naturally good at, and when everyone was making comments to me about like exercise and like nutrition, what do I do? Like I kind of so, like that part of my brain kind of took it and ran with it. Like, oh, people see me, like that voice in my head, people see me like keep going, keep going, and like that's not good pressure, because I'm sure you understand that that could happen to athletes, the overdoing it. So I definitely had disordered eating at a time. I lost a lot of weight during COVID.
Speaker 2:Um, like the gyms weren't open and all I was doing was running and I just like I was so anxious I was in grad school and I just like, yeah, it was. It was very scary because, um, I didn't really notice, because I didn't want to notice. I felt like I was seen, I felt like I was heard. Um, people saw me finally, like I'm proving myself to you. I'm good at something.
Speaker 2:I was able to run all these miles. I'm good, right, but no, that's not, that's not good, that's too much and that's I don't need to prove myself to people like I've already done it, like I already was in grad school, I was doing well, like there was no proving it was just, it was really me in my head. I had to prove myself to me. So that's something I I had to work on and thank God I'm in a really healthy place now with a great relationship my mind and body but it's definitely I noticed that pressure voice constantly, that overachiever pressure voice, and I feel like that's what's strengthened my empathy and understanding to the population I work with Cause I get the overachiever mindset, I get the type a mindset, I get the athlete mindset, I get the disorder eating and eating disorder mindset.
Speaker 1:Thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:It's people listening and know with the audience that they can definitely relate to that. Um, and hearing you like, on the other side of it, now that you know it's, you don't, you don't have to prove yourself to anyone, it's okay to rest and, um, I do, I do food and exercise is something that you can control right, like you control what you put in your body, you control how much you move your body, and it can, like you said, the pressure of that is such a blessing because it is like, okay, I have control of it and it's up to me, but then when you do run too far with it, that's was there a point that you were ever like, okay, I gotta get, like I have to slow down?
Speaker 2:yeah, around my brother's wedding, which was almost three years ago.
Speaker 2:Um, I remember at the moment like people made comments to me, like Ellen, my parents, people cared.
Speaker 2:I had a close friend who said something, um, and then I didn't want to hear it though at that minute, but reflecting on the pictures and then when I saw I was like, okay, so I, yeah, I, I worked with the dietician, I, I worked on it and I had a great support system that I don't need to prove myself to, it's just for those listening like. Oftentimes we feel like we have to prove ourselves to other people, but really it's just you and you no one's looking like, and if you surround yourself with great people, they should be your cheerleaders to curate your environment. And I'm blessed I have a lot of great friends and and and a great family that I don't need to prove myself. But so that's just an example of that. It was me, so I had to, I had to work on why am I proving myself to me? What's that voice in my head Like? Where is that coming from and why is that leading to like behavior that's not healthy actually.
Speaker 1:Do you think back on it, like now that you're on the other side of it, are you thankful that you went through that? Do you feel like, now that you're on the other side of it, are you thankful that you went through that? Do you feel like it helps you with coaching more and?
Speaker 2:definitely the aspect and I'm like understanding, I think I understand behavior a lot more and then going through like my own, like you know, therapy and coaching aspect like that made me go through the process so I could be there for, like, my clients and actually what's like popping into my head right now is that you know everyone. Sometimes I get comments from people how are you so motivated, like, how do you do it all? And I just want to share that. Like I'm human too and like we all have struggles, like you only see and I'm sure you understand this Like you only see a little bit on Instagram. Don't judge, you only see a little. So ask questions. Most people are I would like to, I would like to think and believe are open if you have a platform. Normally, those are people who like, want to. I would like to think and believe are are open if you have a platform. Normally, those are people who like, want to make a difference for a reason.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm glad that you said that because, in like, I've talked about this on a few podcasts, but, yeah, it is very much a highlight reel. And do you feel pressure to, since you're in the space with coaching and being a counselor or therapist, do you feel pressured to always like, have it together and not struggle?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. I would be lying to your face if I said, no, that's not me absolutely and that's something I'm continually working on and I feel it is my responsibility to work on and check in on myself. What am I posting? Is it authentic? I don't feel like it's authentic. I won't post it. But why am I doing this? There definitely is pressure, like when I gained some weight. I was like, oh, people looking at me, like what, what do they think? Maybe I fell off the track, like I'm falling behind and like that childhood voice was coming in You're falling behind in school, like you're not succeeding. So making like that connection validates how I'm feeling now and allows me to be more compassionate with myself and vulnerable, because my thoughts are coming from somewhere. It's in, my feelings are coming from somewhere. And these past experiences? They don't define my reality right now. No one's no one's keeping tabs. Everyone's just keeping tabs on themselves.
Speaker 1:That's so true. I'm glad that you said that because I think, and we all feel this way we, like you, walk in a room and you're like, oh my god, everyone's looking at me. Like even just going somewhere, like going to going out or going to a restaurant, like everyone's. Like, am I moving my arms? Weird, what do I look? Like? Like no one, even in the gym I think the gym, like people can. Like you can relate to this no one care. Like no one cares. Like it's such a selfish thing to be like, oh my gosh, everyone's looking at me but no one cares about me. No one cares about you. Like I think when you get to that place, you can live life more freely and just have more peace and more presence in situations too. I saw I saved a reel the other day, but it was.
Speaker 1:I don't know, what his name is. But he um, it was something like how we're all side characters in people's lives, like we were the main character all the time. We are like side characters in people's lives. So he, I think he was in New York. He was just like dancing and just like doing all these goofy fun things and people would just look at him and be like huh, and then just go back to their day and you think about it like if I saw someone just dancing or doing something silly like on the street, I, you know maybe, would tell a friend like, oh my gosh, like this guy just like started randomly dancing, and then I wouldn't think anything else about it.
Speaker 1:You know, and it encouraged me to be like okay, live, be silly, be goofy and make life fun. Like you're, I'm not that important.
Speaker 2:I love how you're saying that. No, it's so important to find the humor in things and be goofy. Life is too short. Yeah, and you need to find the humor in things. And it's really hard, you know, sometimes, when things are so serious, to find the humor, but you have to find the pockets in your day to make it funny. If you can't control it, it's funny, yeah. Yeah. There's so many times where yeah'm just thinking like my grandmother, like oh my gosh if she listens to this.
Speaker 2:There's so many things like she does that I just have to laugh about, honestly, because it's just funny. I can't control it, like something you know with the older generation. You can't control it Like sometimes you know with the older generation. Instead of getting upset about it, you just have to laugh, and my mom taught me that. So thanks, mom.
Speaker 1:And the older generation. They don't care what they say, they don't care, like they don't care if they hurt feelings and like that. That's like inspiring, but also like that's so funny. But, yeah, I saw that reel and I was like, okay, that is inspiring and in such a reminder that people don't they don't care.
Speaker 1:Um, yeah, so with one thing I wanted to ask you about, because you may I don't know if you see this in your practice or people that you work with but being in your late twenties as well, right, yeah, I definitely. I maybe don't feel as much, but I know a lot of people in a lot of my clients and like people that I connect with on Instagram late twenties, early thirties, maybe like single or dating or don't have kids, but finding a balance between having a social life and living life and enjoying life, but then also prioritizing their mental health and their fitness. Um, I feel like I talked to a lot of clients about this, but like just the pressure to go out and drink and stay out late. Like, do you work with a lot of clients or people that struggle with that same thing? Or like, have you struggled with that?
Speaker 2:First of all, both like I'm sorry because I definitely struggle, have struggled with it and I still do. It's still hard at times, but I work with a lot of clients who are in their 20s and 30s and they want to focus, you know, on their health and nutrition and fitness and that there's this societal pressure that you have to get a drink at every meal, you have to stay out late with your friends and it's you're like a loser. I say I don't know if people could see this, but with the quotes loser, like you're not actually, but like if you wake up early at like 5 am and work out like but really there's no such thing as like a loser that wakes up at 5am and works out like there, just like isn't um, but it is really hard and I've I've struggled through it because I have not all my friends are into like health and fitness. I have some great, amazing friends that are, and I definitely try to curate my environment for that. But it's okay if my friends aren't. I love them for other reasons, right. So it's it's okay if my friends aren't I love them for other reasons, right. So it's kind of like about balance and boundaries. So thinking about maybe like making a plan before you go out. Okay, I'm going to have like one drink and like I'm going really for like the social aspect, to connect with like other people, and it's going to be meaningful.
Speaker 2:So I try to do things that bring meaning into my life.
Speaker 2:If I'm going out for dinner and then we're going to like a bar or something, like I'm going to be going with people who like I want to be with and I'll create like quality time with them, maybe before we go to the bar, and then I'm not going to stay out to like super late because I want to feel good the next day and and I know for me, when I wake up and feel really gross, that makes me feel really sad and like angry honestly at myself. So I want to set myself off for success. So I know getting a good night's sleep and and having some type of movement the next day like allows me to feel good and I just like to be productive during the day. I like to be outside. I also work a bunch of jobs, so I need to perform a certain way. So I try to create my routine around that, but it's really hard Like why is there this pressure to like go out and the only thing you do is go out and drink. I hate it.
Speaker 1:I do too, and even just hearing you say that like I feel like that's been a switch for me, is I sure I enjoy like sharing a glass of wine, like with someone.
Speaker 1:I love a good conversation, um, but as far as like going out and saying like like I value waking up feeling really good the next morning more than I value anything that happens after midnight and like being drunk right or like losing sleep, so I think it does come down to priorities too, and I think there's different seasons, like we're sure sometimes it's like okay, like I want to get a little bit loose tonight and like you have to be okay with the consequences of the next day and like the effects of that Um, but I I do feel like a lot, of, a lot of my clients it's like they want to go out and not have to have a drink and get up early and work out the next morning.
Speaker 1:But most of it comes from the social, the social aspect of it, and I always tell them like your friends aren't going to quit being your friends because you have water at the bar rather than you know a vodka soda Like, and if they do, then they're not, they're not your friends, friends. But I think it's just like reminding people and that they you're not just valued for like how much fun you can have on a Saturday night kind of thing. Do you have any tips or anything for people listening that want to create those boundaries of like things that you could maybe like preface or say to your friends or like kind of set that that um like just put it out there rather than maybe springing it on them at the bar. I think it goes back to do like people don't care, like people don't care you know, yeah, and that's something I had to learn.
Speaker 2:I, I would. I used to stay out later, like for my friends, because I was so scared they were going to judge me and like, really like. And then like the more I was like, hey, I'm gonna go home, they're okay, bye, talk tomorrow. Like that's what happens. And shout out to my sister thank you for teaching me that like she would be like Ellen, if you want to go home, just go home. And I was like I Thank you, but it's just like that people pleasing part of me, that's kind of like I'm empathetic, you know.
Speaker 2:But a tip that I got a lot of my clients on is so, if you want to wake up the next day, is that maybe in like an exercise and have a good day. So just communicate to your friends. Before it'd be like hey, I'm not going to stay out too late, but I'm so excited to hang out with you. Maybe let's create quality time before. And then maybe when you're at a bar, like just get one drink and sip on it. And then I always like to say like I I've worked with clients like well, how do you manage when everyone's getting shots and you don't want to take the shot and like you don't.
Speaker 2:It's hard to say no. You don't want to look bad. Like what do you do? I said just go to the bathroom. Yeah, go to the bathroom. Go to the bathroom like hey, I'll be right. If you don't want to, if you're not at the state of your comfort level to say no, I encourage you to find the strength to say no, like because cause you could do whatever you want, but go to the bathroom like take a second, look at yourself in the mirror, apply your lipstick, check your text, like whatever. Step away. But a part of saying no is you're respecting yourself and then people respect you.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Do you find that, with respecting yourself and like being able to say no to those things, do you think that's come a little bit more easily because you have been focusing on, like, getting to know yourself more and focusing on mental health, like, do you see a direct correlation between the two?
Speaker 2:Totally. It comes down to self-confidence, just like. Having that mindset is that I quality over quantity and friends. If someone doesn't want to be friends with me because of that, goodbye. Like I quality over quantity, I could have three best friends and I could be good. Like quality people. That's what matters. Um, and yeah, people got to love you for you and you got to love you for you. Otherwise, too much guilt and too much resentment too much stress about it.
Speaker 1:Um so for, do you feel like, client wise, do you work with a lot of people that are new to coaching or new to therapy, or is it? Okay both.
Speaker 2:Both. I have people who come in as I'm their first ever coach or first ever therapist and I have people who have been in this more coaching. It's like it's like half and half. Actually I feel like therapy. I get a lot more with. This is my first time in therapy. Coaching there's a lot more, yeah, but a lot of people like I find like don't realize they need a coach, like, oh, I'm fine, but like even like with therapy, but I feel like more in coaching because they don't really realize like what coaches do, but like coaches are so powerful and really could really guide you a lot in your present life. And there was like it's so popular now, like there was even a segment on the today show the other day about like life coaches. My mom sent me in. It was really cute Actually. They were talking about like the new field of like coaches, like nutrition coaches, life coaches.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm so glad that it's being more. Sorry, my mom was randomly calling me. My phone was buzzing. No, she's at the beach, she's living her life. No, she's at the beach, she's living her life. No, I love that. That's more like, it's more acceptable.
Speaker 1:Now I mean seriously, some of my favorite people on Instagram that I follow and like, connect with have nothing to do with fitness.
Speaker 1:Like I remember when I first was on YouTube, I'm like I'm going to follow all these fitness people and all the things and like now it's I'm consuming more, like your content and like some other life coaches and therapy things that like that's what's popping up on my Instagram. So then, that way, I feel like every time I get on social media or TikTok, I don't sit there and consume long, but sometimes you just like to just scroll. Um, it's like free therapy and like you're learning about yourself. And and like some of your posts, like with questions and things, it's like okay, let me like stop and reflect on this and like it. I don't know, I feel like that just goes back to you are what you consume as well, and like subconsciously, those things just get inside of your brain. Um, I appreciate you sharing all your stuff on Instagram because people see it and I'm so thankful that like it's becoming more popular. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I try to to um write reflective questions because I I really believe, like the more you ask yourself these questions and you come to terms with the answer, like that's when you change. Like we could tell people what to do, but unless they want to do it, it's kind of like telling your friend, like don't like break up with him, break up with him until you want to break up with him, that's when you will. You're not gonna listen to your friend, like don't like break up with him, break up with him until, like, you want to break up with him, that's when you will. You're not gonna listen to your friend and it's hard, but we do, uh, and what's in our best interest. Thank you for sharing everything. I love your page so much. You are the most authentic person ever. Like it's inspiring, really like what you share, and like your posts are always so great.
Speaker 1:Thank you, I love you okay saying that I feel like I've gotten away from more of the vulnerable side of things, but like that's what I love reading and seeing people's things like I mean maybe it's like the care inside of me, but like I want, like if you're struggling, like I want to know, like I want to know what you're going through, because I feel like it allows you to connect deeper with people and hopefully too, like whenever people do see more vulnerable posts or more real things, they just don't feel alone inside of it too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it's not easy for like us to cause, when you asked me, like the pressure to show up, like it's. It's really not easy to share vulnerable things and I've had to work on myself too because I, you know, I always back to my childhood story Like it's hard for me to share because, yeah, it's hard to be vulnerable, but it's made me so much stronger to be vulnerable and actually share, like what I went through and stuff like that. Because people want to, people want to work with humans. No one wants to work with a robot. No one wants to be friends with a robot. At least I don't. I know you don't.
Speaker 1:Well, that's when I've realized too. Again, thank you for sharing your story Like that. It's so real and I don't know if you've shared it before. Um, so that was definitely appreciated. Um, but, yeah, it does. Like you said, people want to work with coaches and people buy people by you, right, like there's so many therapists and coaches and nutritionists and fitness trainers out there, like I mean, you can easily find one. It could take five seconds on Instagram to find one, but it it is. People want to work with you and people are buying you and it's just like your program is just something that's an added bonus, like that's what I feel like I've seen inside of coaching, and even the therapist that I work with, like I wanted to work with her, like I didn't even ask her how much it was on the call. I was like I just want to work with you. Like.
Speaker 1:I trust you and like um. So I think that's one thing that helps with social media and showing up too, is that people want to feel that connection and they want to work with a person that has struggles and, um, you know, lives life as well.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. It's all about, like, who you are within, and that's what speaks volumes. All the programs can be the same, like everything can work. In a way, it honestly matters who you work with and you. Are you ready?
Speaker 1:Yeah, for people listening that want to like, that feel inspired by this and they're like, okay, I've been maybe putting my mental health on the back burner, or like creating these boundaries to take care of myself and other ways, um, outside of just the gym, what would you like? What's one action step that, or one or two action steps that someone could take?
Speaker 2:Maybe find a therapist or find a coach that you relate to seek help. Um, so you could search on Instagram, tiktok, psychology today. Um, and also like, maybe think about what's going well in my life right now, but what needs some work. I think, like having that positive question of what's going well, but what needs some work, that self-reflective question could be powerful for you to take, like that next step. Because when you figure out, like what's going well but what's not working, and like what's going well, that's really like the first way you're going to see, like maybe maybe something needs to change, and that's not a bad thing, yeah, yeah, cause you want to always be changing.
Speaker 1:You don't want to like, I don't want to be the same person I am right now and 10 years from now. You know, yeah, exactly, I'm always trying to find how you can grow and and to through different seasons, like as you change, you become into a new person, and finding and getting to know these different parts of yourself too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:Like how cool is that, though I think sometimes it's like journaling or reflecting or doing these things can sometimes feel like I think for me, speaking from experience, like had had felt like a burden before because it came from a place of like I truly didn't love myself or want to get to know myself, but now it's like I'm excited to like have therapy and figure out why the heck I am feeling this way, and I'm excited to journal and get off my phone tonight and go sit by the beach and like reflect on things.
Speaker 1:Like now it's I love myself so much that I have a desire to do those things and like I feel like that's something that, like you said, going back, I feel like that's something that, like you said, going back, coming to it from a positive place of like I love myself enough to sit with myself and figure out why I'm feeling this way or why I reacted this way, and like that's we get to do that forever. Like it's not, like you just figure it out and then that's it for the rest of your life. Like every season, every chapter, you get to figure out this new version of yourself, which I think is so exciting.
Speaker 2:It's so true. I love how you said that it is so exciting. I always tell people like to date yourself.
Speaker 1:Yes, okay, I do want to ask you about that because I'm taking myself on a date tonight and I thought about it this morning. I'm like, oh my God, this would be perfect for the podcast. Um, even if you're in a relationship, okay, so do you like by yourself or take yourself on dates?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I I actually have never taken myself to a restaurant. Actually, when I was traveling, like alone, not alone, I went with a friend that was away last summer and like there was like two days before that I had by myself, but I was meeting up with friends. Like there was like two days before that I had by myself, but I was meeting up with friends. I went to dinner by myself. I guess I have. I guess, yeah, it's so nice. You know what it's so comforting. You're like, wow, I could be with me. That's why you are the most important person you talk to daily. Once you develop a relationship with yourself, you'll be able to have positive relationships with other people. Like, just like how you said, I'm excited to go to therapy every week. Like I'm so excited to become the best version of myself and I feel like I'm in a really great place in my life right now. But I'm still in therapy, like because I'm still learning how my past experiences affect me now and how can I continue to feel good and to honor me?
Speaker 1:Yes, I love that. I, um, I love, I do love the idea of dating yourself. Like you don't have to wait for a person to come along to to do that, because I like told myself I'm like, hey, even if something, if I'm dating someone and it doesn't work out, like I know that I have myself and like I can date myself. Like I don't need a guy to go to an arcade and like play games with like on a date, that like I can do that myself or I can take myself out to dinner.
Speaker 2:Um, so do you do that often? I'm so curious what's your date tonight with you? I try to do it a month.
Speaker 1:I do a lot by myself, though, like I love doing things by myself, which is like maybe a bad thing sometimes. Um, but tonight I have a hair appointment this afternoon and I am going to like do my makeup before, but then come back home and change. I got a new dress, so I'm going to put on my new dress, and I forget the name of it, but one of my clients posted there and it was like this cute little, like, um, healthy restaurant. I'm going to go there and I think take my new book, which is called how to know a person the art of seeing others deeply and being deeply seen. Wow, that's so beautiful. Wow, good for you, yeah, so I'm going to go read that.
Speaker 1:And one thing I think, too, like it's so uncomfortable to to say, okay, like just a table for one, or like go sit at a bar by yourself, but it also, I feel like, creates so much confidence too, because it just proves to yourself like no one cares about me. Like if I saw a girl sitting at the bar reading by herself, I'd be like, okay, that's really cool. Or if someone thought it was weird, they'd be like, oh, that's weird. And then they would just like go on with their day yeah, no, it's so true.
Speaker 2:Wow, oh my god. So many thoughts are coming because, like, why are we judging people for being alone, like that's actually like shows so much strength that you could do things by yourself? That means you're comfortable within you, love yourself. The fact people are judging other people just is their own self narrative and what they're struggling with. So I want everyone to take a second and think about that. Why are you judging other people? Like what you're doing is so strong, like it is not easy to do that and that's, I'm sure that's something for you that you had to get comfortable with.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, it is, it is. So I would challenge anyone listening to take yourself on a date. I'm going to do that and take yourself to dinner. That's our. You have to send me a picture of yourself at dinner. It is, it's so like. It's so freeing. I think it does come from the point of self-love, um, and I think it starts with for me, like it started with my health, and maybe like for you to like, when you're taking care of yourself, it truly it's like a domino effect of everything else starts lining up and falling, exactly exactly. Okay, so I'm gonna link your Instagram, all your things. Um, I want to get you on the podcast. We have so much that we could talk about.
Speaker 2:I'm also going to come to California to visit I need to. My best friend lives in San Diego.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I remember you told me on the phone so I really need to come and that'd be so fun.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, that would be fun. We could meet up one day. So if someone's listening to this and they're like, okay, I kind of like vibe with Ellen, I want to learn more about her and her coaching, what does that look like? Do you like do a phone call with someone, or like phone calls weekly? Can you tell us a little bit about that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I have different package deals. But if you want to work with me, you want to chat? You could follow me on Instagram. It's mentally fit with Ellen, um, my website is linked, so just go on my website, um, fill out the discovery call page and I normally give a 15 to 20 minute free consultation call. Let's talk about what you want to work on, see if it's a good fit, ask me questions. I ask you questions Great, and once you become a client, I have different package deals. I really make things work, like for the person. I'm a very personalized and individualized approach, so I like everything changes based on, like what you want to work on, because I know I offer nutrition and mindset and therapy, so depends what the person wants and I cater that to them perfect.
Speaker 1:I will link all of your Instagram and excuse me, all the things so people can at least follow you and get those self-reflective questions to popping up on their timeline so they can answer them and themselves. This was so fun. Thank you for joining me today. I loved it. I feel like we've literally been talking for over an hour. I feel like we've been talking for like 30 minutes. Oh my gosh, really, wow, yeah, this was so fun. Thank you again, and thank you for sharing your story too. Um, that was very special and very vulnerable and I know that people can connect to it, so thanks for creating the safe space yay, all right.
Speaker 1:Well, thanks for listening, guys, and we will catch you next time.
