
theheadwrapsocialite…“Everybody”
theheadwrapsocialite…“Everybody”
The Beauty of the Undefined: Style, Presence, and Self with Javier
In this episode, I sit down with my friend Javier who embodies quiet confidence and timeless style.
He’s spent years in the fashion world, not chasing trends but shaping spaces, stories, and moods. With a dry sense of humor, a grounded presence, and a soul that doesn’t need the spotlight, Javier brings a kind of wisdom that’s both understated and unforgettable.
We talk about what it means to move through life with intention, how being misunderstood can become its own kind of teacher, and why style—at its best—isn’t about what you wear, but how you live.
This conversation is for anyone who’s ever felt unseen in loud rooms, who values thoughtfulness over performance, and who knows there’s power in the quiet.
Enjoying this podcast by theheadwrapsocialite….Like, follow and share! Comment below to keep the conversation going.
IG: theheadwrapsocialite
Good afternoon and welcome to Everybody. The podcast which shares stories that highlight people in life, that make the world an interesting place, which ultimately ties us all together in unique and wonderful ways. And who am I, you might ask. I would be the head-wrapped socialite, wife, mom, micro-influencer in the fashion and etiquette world, but on this podcast I will be introducing you to some people who I've had the opportunity to meet along my journey, who have helped enrich me and my life in beautiful ways and who I hope will do the same in yours. Today's guest is someone who moves through the world with quiet clarity, an impeccable eye and the kind of humor that cuts through the noise.
Speaker 1:Javier is a curator by nature, of spaces, of style, of feelings. He doesn't seek the spotlight. Feelings. He doesn't seek the spotlight. Instead, he invites you into his glow by his thoughtfulness, restraint and rhythm. We first crossed paths while I was in California, in a shop which felt more like a gallery. Even in the midst of all that beauty, it was Javi's presence that stood out. He's a little mysterious, warm, but not performative. He is the kind of person that you instantly know has lived a life worth living, a life worth listening to. So please help me in welcoming my friend Javi to the show.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Wow, what an introduction. I'm not used to it.
Speaker 1:You deserve all the things.
Speaker 2:Thank you, that's very kind.
Speaker 1:Can you tell the listeners a little bit about who you are?
Speaker 2:I was born in Nicaragua and I came to America in 1978 because of the revolution, that civil war had happened in Nicaragua. It was quite shocking. I mean the fact that I was able to get here. I know it saved my life because they were the people. These revolutionary people were actually taking anyone male from their homes to go out and fight and families had absolutely no choice and no vote in it. So I probably would have been taken away to go out and fight and I was quite young, 11, 12, maybe that's where I, that's where I come from, and I feel that I am simple Simple, not intentionally complicated, but maybe complex, and I really work at not being complicated.
Speaker 1:Have you always been that way? Is it something you notice about yourself, or did others point that out?
Speaker 2:you notice about yourself or did others point that out?
Speaker 2:Unfortunately, I would say I think I have been misjudged and misunderstood most of my life and I feel that sometimes they've used complicated instead of complex. And when I say complex it's because when one thinks, then you get opinions and then when you get opinions, then you get thoughts and you get, and then if you add experience and then you add a certain style about the way you do things and you keep adding and adding, it becomes more complex. It's not necessarily complicated, but it's more complex. It could be as simple as I'd rather do these. Many cushions on a sofa instead of two.
Speaker 2:Someone might find that complicated or difficult or demanding, or you'll see, but that's because that's just another layer in how I want to live, or how I would want maybe the sofa to be inviting For sure, or how I would want maybe the sofa to be inviting For sure. And someone who believes they are simple, they believe being simple means I don't really care whether it's got two cushions or six cushions or five. And why are you being so complicated that you must have five cushions? And it's not about being complicated. People are not easy, but they're not complicated, it's just complex.
Speaker 1:Right, and it's like think too, you ask people to understand where you are, Because I always say people always like to label those things which they don't understand. Right, Because then it makes their lives a lot simpler.
Speaker 2:You know, we'll put him in the box, and I already know exactly what to do with that.
Speaker 1:Right, instead of doing the work to understand the complexities of human nature and the finding out.
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely yes.
Speaker 1:Do you think we get to a point because I know at this point of where I am in my life I want to get to understand who people are, not to judge, you know do we reach a point in our lives where we're open to that?
Speaker 2:To not judging.
Speaker 1:Yes, because think about when we're children. You don't know anything. As a kid You're like three, four, five. You know you like someone because you like someone. They ask questions, you answer. There's no in between. You see people for what they are, and this is a question that I've asked a couple of other guests. When do you think that part of life becomes jaded?
Speaker 2:I think it's related to the spirit, meaning how strong it is when you come into the world. And I'll say this because it becomes jaded, as you call it, or it becomes highlighted. I used to see people as people until I was told I was terribly ugly, and then I became aware that there is a non-ugly. Do you know, does that make any sense to you? I might not have been strong enough spiritually at that point in time in my life that it just it made a shift, and so I walked about for a long time looking and thinking this is ugly and this is not. You see, I didn't know. I really truly do not recall before the age of 12 thinking that anything or anyone would be ugly, until I was told I was so. Well, if I'm truly ugly physically, then there's got to be a not ugly physically. And what is it? And you know what's very interesting? I think it's an experience that all human beings we go through, and I feel that young people are going through it now through social media, and also adults are going through it by watching those shows on television that are dictating to you how and what you should look like, eat and dress like, right, and I didn't go through it, except I was just simply told over dinner you're terribly ugly, you know. But I will say something to you which became very interesting. I didn't stay, and this is completely, maybe, off the subject. I didn't really stay with the ugly parts. I remember the whole message and I was able to unconsciously not consciously, unconsciously from a 12-year-old mind. We were having dinner at home and she said you know, you're very ugly. I just looked at her an adult in my family and she said and you're probably going to grow up not being terribly attractive. And then I remember saying well, you're actually mentioning something to me, you're bringing up something to me that I can't do anything about. This is it? This is the way I look, this is the way I came out. And she said well, let me give you something you can actually do something about. And I said well, what is it? And she said well, maybe you can't do anything about the way you look, but you can do something about your style. You can create your style.
Speaker 2:Instead of wanting to change myself physically, I always felt I had control in how I lived my life, so I always worked at trying to make it as lovely looking as possible, although I have enjoyed setting up a table and and making it welcoming and lovely for whoever I choose to share it with, there was always the other side, which was created from not being good-looking enough. I lived my life feeling not being good enough, not being thin enough, not being smart enough, not being clever enough, not being you see. So I had both parallel. You know, oh Javi, what a lovely table, oh Javi, how lovely you're dressed tonight, but always having the other side of I'll never be good enough.
Speaker 2:You see, I feel it's happening today, just differently. You know, I think it happens to most of us and we're just because I traveled a lot because of work. They were all the same, they never felt good enough, and now it's the same and that's why we've got. You know, you do this to your face and you do this to your body and you do this to your cheeks and you do this to your lips and you do this to, and I, I don't know why it's not being, or maybe it's, maybe it's being talked about, I don't know, maybe not enough, certainly not in schools, when we're young and we should know.
Speaker 1:For sure. I want to go back to what you first said. I will tell you that I am surprised that a family member. It's surprising, but not because usually criticism that we receive as children does originate from the family. Sometimes there's the ones originate from the family.
Speaker 2:Sometimes there's one that's you the most.
Speaker 1:That's it. There are two things that I wanted to share with you. First of all, you are gorgeous, because the first thing that I noticed about you was the beauty in which you held and, dare I say, glamorous.
Speaker 2:Isn't that interesting.
Speaker 1:And that is the first thing we talk about the physicality of it. But you are simply beautiful.
Speaker 1:And then I also thought when you started to talk about the things we hold for me. When I was younger, we were told black skin is not beautiful, your full lips, your full nose not beautiful. And it was not until I started to fully become aware of who I was in this world that I'm like, hmm, in this world, and I'm like, hmm, okay, you're telling me that my black skin is not beautiful. You're telling me my full lips, full my body, is not beautiful. But then there are so many people who emulate that. Of course, I'm like what could be the truth here? Whoever told you that you were not beautiful and wanted to take your look, your clothes, your style? There had to be something that they saw within you that they did not recognize in themselves.
Speaker 2:Yes, it took me decades to it. The sad part was that she was 50-something and I was 12. That's the sad. But it took me decades and I actually did a bit of work Not too much, but I had the opportunity to go back and see her. She didn't even remember everything she said to me. I would suggest anyone, if you have the opportunity to do it, to do it, and even if the person has passed, do it to do it. And even if the person has passed, do it. I had the opportunity and I met her and I said I just want to give it all back to you because what you said to me it's not mine. And she said what did I say? So I repeated it. And she said I don't remember. And I said what did I say? So I repeated it and she said I don't remember. And I said well, I do and that's all that really matters. That I remember. It was one step forward towards healing. I should have a lot more, but yeah.
Speaker 1:If you could go back and talk to your 12-year-old self, what would you say to your 12-year-old self?
Speaker 2:What would I say? I think I probably would say a lot, but I think that first thing that comes to mind is you're whole. Because of so many experiences that I went through rather young, chipped away my wholeness, and back then, I mean, no one said to me we're not meant to be perfect, which is utterly impossible. You know, even to this day, I'll leave the kitchen spotless and it only lasts one minute before someone walks in and just drops another plate in the sink that was spotless. You see, it's just nothing. Everything is impermanent in life. Nothing's ever permanent, nothing lasts forever, ever Nothing, absolutely. I don't think we would be able to withstand it, even beauty, I don't think so. I think we would go absolutely nuts if every flower in your garden remained lovely 24-7 for the rest of your life.
Speaker 2:Exactly, you have to see it age and you have to see it die and you've got to see it reborn again exactly changes the way of the world, whatever that change looks like you know, it's very therapeutic because it teaches you patience patience, yeah because if you're growing, anything it teaches you to love, even if you're growing anything, it's not going to happen overnight, so it teaches you patience and it also teaches you you're able to see death and rebirth all the time, exactly and respecting that process. So nothing is permanent.
Speaker 1:Nothing is ever permanent.
Speaker 2:No, nothing is permanent. Nothing is ever permanent. It might feel it's going to last a long time, but it doesn't last forever. Anything, anything. I don't think we're meant to withstand it.
Speaker 1:I think you get to a point where you understand that change is beautiful. It's inevitable. Yes, what does your quiet time look like Like? What do you do? What grounds you when you're not working?
Speaker 2:Praying and creating. I like that it grounds me, because I feel it's organic for me. Quiet time has never been lying down for me.
Speaker 1:What things do you create?
Speaker 2:I'll rearrange the kitchen, I'll garden, just absolutely anything that puts me in a place of creativity, you know, but always to share it. I can't do it for myself. I've never been able to do it for myself since I was small. I I've never been able to enjoy it. Don't know why. Interesting I mean it can get, I mean I. I guess some people would say, oh, that's lovely that you want to share. But I think it's also important that you get something from it for yourself. And I don't think I've always been conscious to say I want to enjoy it for me and I want to do it for me.
Speaker 2:I have always been highly stimulated when I know someone else is in it. I can't do it alone. I don't know why I have never been able to. My grandmama used to keep my color pencils at home because it made me happy having them, to give them away, and my grandmama would say we don't have enough money to get you more, so you've got to keep them at home. But to me I just never enjoyed having them if I couldn't. And it sounds odd, doesn't it?
Speaker 1:No, because you're a sharer. See, dear listeners, dear listeners, I told you you need a friend like Javi, graciously, like gives of himself.
Speaker 2:Until my mom said it, I guess I didn't. I'm like what you know. Someone says oh, what a lovely jacket. Oh, here, take it. Does it fit? Take it yeah. So my mom would say would you please don't give. Just keep your tie and keep your jacket. What will you do if someone says great shoes. What are you going to do? You know, I used to do it all the time. That's a great bracelet you're wearing. I would literally take it off and give it. Yeah, wow, I hope you stop that.
Speaker 1:I hope you put the bracelet in the ring.
Speaker 2:I stopped, my social life became smaller, so that's probably why, it just became a lot less and smaller. I mean, it can be judged as, oh, you know you're not appreciative of your work and the money you spend buying those things, but to me there were always things at the end of the day, you know, For sure. And if that person truthfully you know and I could see it that they truthfully liked it not want it.
Speaker 1:There's a difference.
Speaker 2:Do you know?
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:I sensed they really, really liked it Right. Not want it Right. Not want to, because I probably wouldn't give it if I felt Right.
Speaker 1:Because if the energy wasn't right, Right, right, right.
Speaker 2:But I don't think I consciously knew it then. Right, I think it was my own spirit, knowing the person would appreciate it, the person would like it, the person would For sure you know the person would For sure. You know the person For sure. And so I gave it away.
Speaker 1:I like your glasses, javi. Oh, just saying.
Speaker 2:You know, and I think that's what made the difference to me. I think For sure, who are the people or what made the difference to me? I think that's what made it.
Speaker 1:Who are the people or what are the places that help you return to yourself when the world pulls you off course?
Speaker 2:My sister and now my niece, who I live with both of them they bring me back. They remind me in a good sense. You know They'll say something that will take me away from my ego. Oh, you know, don't believe that too much, Javi, that will keep me humble, it will bring me.
Speaker 2:I mean, they both absolutely do it and there's a huge difference in ages. I mean, my niece is only 15, but she's got that sharp inherited sense of self and they'll oh yes, they'll keep me in check quickly so they keep me humble. Yes, I love that.
Speaker 1:I have just two more questions for you. Do you see space as something more to be styled or something to be felt? How do you know when a space is right?
Speaker 2:If it doesn't read us comfort. I have met people who pay attention to the space and the architecture of it and the lighting. And if it does not read comfort, to me it's yeah, comfort to me, it's yeah. To me it's comfort. I feel that that's probably one of the most prominent energy I have and I project, I think, comfort and I project, I think, comfort.
Speaker 2:You know, when I've had women comments about what I'm wearing and it's happened to me many, many, many, many, many, many times I always used to think, hmm, why me and why what I'm wearing? And I realized that they probably don't know it. But I feel it's related to comfort and this is part of the complexities I guess that we talked about earlier. Because I really don't dress the way it's commonly known that a man would dress, commonly known that a man would dress. I can see that there are pieces or accessories that a man would find feminine or for a woman, so I see how it can draw attention to women. If I start to dissect it, I think that many things women wear are not meant to be comfortable, Feel that, perhaps unconsciously, the women who make a comment are probably women who might unconsciously be thinking, maybe thinking how is it possible to look pleasantly well and be comfortable?
Speaker 1:You see, because it's so. Counterintuitive almost.
Speaker 2:Right, and unless you're wearing shorts and a t-shirt and trainers, you're not comfortable. Yeah, so the reason why I brought this up, I feel that that's my biggest, probably most prominent energy, whether it's the sofa or me, it's really comfort. It's to be comfortable, always comfortable.
Speaker 1:So I know my listeners are going to be really mad if I don't ask you this question. When you worked for Dior, what did you do?
Speaker 2:Well, I started with makeup. I think it must have been about six months and then I went on to skincare, and then I went on to training, hiring, and it was a whole different world than it is now. And that's when I realized, with skincare and training and meeting hundreds of women, that's when I got to see that women in general didn't feel good enough. It's tricky, but it's true.
Speaker 1:Yeah, society can really do a number on people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I feel that and this may sound maybe controversial or might not make me a popular person, but I feel that if women were more supportive of each other, I think a lot of this not being good enough would change.
Speaker 1:Going back to your original point that we spoke about in the beginning feeling complete with who you are. That's it.
Speaker 2:Right, it's to be whole, because then you'll be able to see everything that you've got.
Speaker 1:Oh, circle back to that point to be whole, right To be complete. Well, being able to recognize the smallest details that were meant just for you to find in this world, that's the oneness right With who we are, the feeling of being complete.
Speaker 2:The internet, social media, those things will never, ever, ever be able to fill our cups in the way that the Spirit needs Right and to say just one more thing, which is, you know, I often do with friends at some point, not when I first meet them, but at some point.
Speaker 2:As a society in America, we're so caught into titles, right, so you're a mom and you're a wife and you're an executive and you are the list goes on and I always ask them what's going on with Trina? What's going on with Trina? Not the mom, not the wife, not the homemaker, not the executive, not the model, not the artist. You, where are you? You see, and I just asked someone the other day that question I said you know, I say your kids are growing, they're going to go to college, right, and now you won't be filling up your gaps by being a mom, right?
Speaker 1:So where are you in you? That's a great question. I can tell you in this moment, at this time, my cup is full. Like. That's how I feel, you know, in this moment, to sit in this space, share this space with you. My friend, my cup is full, there's nothing else that calls me, but this moment. Do you have a mantra? Is there something that you you know? Wake up every day and say to yourself something that allows you to be purposefully driven.
Speaker 2:Yes, I have to feel everything and I'll tell you that's how I live my life. If I didn't feel this, what you and I are having at this very moment, I wouldn't do it. That's the underlying thread that connects my whole life. If I make a meal for you because I felt it, and if I didn't, it's because I didn't feel it. So it sounds odd, but I don't do well with manners. I mean, yes, there's such a thing as diplomacy and all. Yes, I do understand it, but I do well. I feel it's an affectation. When people say to me, oh, you're so nice, I always say I'm not. Mickey Mouse is not. I'm not nice. Nice to me is to me. It's an affectation. So if I give you a gift, I felt it. If I gave you a hug, I felt it. And when I don't do it and I get asked why didn't you? And I say because I don't feel it. So let me be judged by others for not being nice, but be happy when I give it to you, it was authentic.
Speaker 1:I think that's the point of authentic living. You know, authenticity is living in your truth.
Speaker 2:You have to own, you've got to own you.
Speaker 1:Yes, correct.
Speaker 2:Do you own your womanhood? Do you own your manhood At some point? Some own it at 12, some own it at 15.
Speaker 1:So once you own it.
Speaker 2:You can't live a certain way.
Speaker 2:No, I know exactly I saw myself at nine years old. This is what I am. So at nine, I knew I was gay. At nine years old. How can I possibly not strive to be authentic the rest of my life, about everything of my life, the rest of my life, about everything of my life? If I show it and I owned it and I live it, I mean I don't wear it until someone mentions it, right, like I don't even say it, like I said it now, unless I've got a purpose Right for sure. So how can I be a terrible liar and how can I be inauthentic and how can I be all that when, at nine years old, I know this and I know for sure you see.
Speaker 2:So anything fake won't fit right.
Speaker 1:Yes, right.
Speaker 2:That's how I saw it. I was nine years old, I knew it. I knew it 100% at nine. So everything else that doesn't fit with the truth, I can't do it. I like that, do you know? Oh, be nice to so-and-so why? I'm not going to be rude, but I'm not going to go out of my way to betray myself, but I'm not going to pretend. How can I pretend when I have not pretended since I was nine? I guess I'm not clever enough to do it. How can I now? I have not pretended since I was nine, so how can I do it now?
Speaker 1:I'd love that. No, I couldn't do it. If there was one thing you would hope that people who are listening to this podcast would take away, what would you hope that they would take?
Speaker 2:away that you are just fine the way you are. I love you. You're just absolutely fine the way that you are in everything, everything, in everything. You're fine, you're fine, you're good, that's it yeah you don't need anything and you don't need, you're fine, just so. Yeah, I would love if anyone gets. Yeah, that yeah uh-huh yes I love that.
Speaker 1:I love that. I'm gonna sit with that for a moment. Javi, in the beginning you said there were no coincidences, and I know that it was not a coincidence that we met you that day, and I just want you to know how honored I am to sit in this space and share this space with you.
Speaker 1:Me too, and your honesty, your humor, you've reminded me that spirit, that presence, is a powerful thing, without it having to be loud or boisterous, and that sometimes the most elegant thing that we can offer is the restraint of who we are and who we are becoming. And I again thank you for this moment To everyone who's listening. May this conversation invite you to sit down, to be present to the present, to trust and honor the beauty of being holy yourself. And now that this interview has officially concluded.
Speaker 1:I do have fun questions, or I think they're fun. Fun questions for you, my friend. Okay, the first question is if your style had a soundtrack, what song would your soundtrack be playing when you entered rooms?
Speaker 2:Hmm, that's a difficult one. I would say it would have to be something with Ella Fitzgerald.
Speaker 1:Ooh, what's?
Speaker 2:a guilty pleasure. You're actually not guilty about or buying myself something that I don't really need and it's not $9.99, but I still want it and I'll spend the money for it and get it. Absolutely, I don't feel bad about it, and the same goes with food when people are here. Oh my God, I shouldn't have had the pudding after dinner. Now I feel awful. I absolutely love it. I enjoy it. I enjoy it fully. I completely enjoy it fully and I don't feel I have absolutely no regrets. Do I need it? Absolutely not. Do I want it? Yes, and I get it.
Speaker 2:I love it and I get it, and even if I'm judged. Oh my God, why would you want to spend blah blah on a coffee table book? I want it and it gives me great pleasure, for sure I love indulgences, yeah, okay, I could come back to the song. Yes, it's just that I love Ella Fitzgerald and I have so many songs, so I have to choose one.
Speaker 1:No, okay, while you're working on that. If your presence left behind a color, what would that color? Be, If your aura could be a color, a scent or a feeling, what would it be?
Speaker 2:A scent, it would be jasmine, definitely jasmine.
Speaker 1:Oh, I'd love that.
Speaker 2:And the feeling again, again comforts, tranquility and, in a color actually white, purity, I think whites, and they all go back to my childhood, growing among priests and nuns, so I'm always attracted to the black and white.
Speaker 2:So interesting and when I'm most comfortable and I feel good with it. I look like a priest. I'm wearing all black with the white. But it does not make me unique, because if you read Coco Chanel's biography, the black and white was because she grew up in a nunnery, so I'm not terribly unique about it. It just so happens that I happened to read and I thought, oh, there are two of us.