Voices of Fostering

Paul - Fostering a Child with Autism

• National Fostering Group • Season 4 • Episode 6

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In this episode of Voices of Fostering, we chat with Paul, a foster carer who is just over a year into his fostering journey. 

Paul shares the motivations and inspirations that led him and his wife, Paula, to become foster carers. He discusses the challenges and adjustments they've made in their lives, especially in caring for a young boy with autism. 

Paul gets candid about the initial apprehensions, the assessment process, and how fostering has become a fulfilling part of their lives. Tune in to learn about Paul's experiences, the support systems in place, and his advice for potential foster carers.

If you would like to find out more about fostering please visit our website here.

If you have any questions that you would like to be answered on our next episode email podcast@nfa.co.uk

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Helen:

Hello and welcome to this episode of Voices of Fostering, and today I'm joined by one of our foster carers. Uh, welcome to the podcast, Paul.

Paul:

Hello. Thank you for having me.

Helen:

Hi Paul. Thank you so much for joining us. Um, so Paul, you are quite early on in your fostering journey at the moment, aren't you? So tell us about, uh, what led you to foster him?

Paul:

Well, yeah, we're just over a year into it now. Really. But, uh, it was a wife that led us into it properly, to be honest. And, uh, she, you know, reading up about it and everything and we were talking about it, so decided to go along and see what it's like. And yeah, we thought, you know, if we could help somebody or some people then, then that'd be lovely.

Helen:

So tell us a bit about your background then, Paul, like your family background. There's, there's you and your wife. Do you have any, any birth children living with you?

Paul:

No, no, no children. Right. My wife couldn't have children so we couldn't have children. So, uh, yeah, we, we sort of passed that, you know, years ago. We've been together a long time. Me, yeah. Paula, she called me wife. We've been together a long time, so, you know, that played out early on 'cause she had like childhood cancer, but we don't have to go into all that. But anyway, yeah. So, no, no birth children. And,

Helen:

but having children in your lives was always something you wanted to do.

Paul:

Yeah, we've, uh, we've, we've got a lot of nieces and nephews and we love like having them over and taking them out places and they always love, you know, being around children and generally used to say like, they were fun 'cause you can give them back, you know? Well, yeah, we, uh, well we, you know, we, we, we do like, uh, doing things and being around them. Keep you younger, you say.

Helen:

So then can you remember those first conversations, Paul, with, with your wife Paula, about, you know, Ooh, do you think we should have a look at fostering? Like, can you remember those first chats?

Paul:

I can, but I was a bit apprehensive at the beginning, to be honest. Yeah. Mostly because, uh, I was doing a job, but I was doing a long term job and I. It was five o'clock starts, which is, you know, nice and early. What we're saying to Paul is like, you know, it's might be a bit much if we're, you know, looking after somebody, and I don't know the early starts and everything. So it was a bit, I was a bit dubious about it, but as it happened, everything fell into place. Like, 'cause we, uh, we started looking after, when we did the qualify, we started doing respite for a young child. We've only ever had the same child. Yeah. At the moment. So we just started doing respite for this little fella. And, uh, but he's, he's got quite a lot of needs. He's, he's, uh, got autism and he is, you know, quite severe on the front. You know, he whirlwind. But yeah, so I was just thinking it, you know, it might be a bit more, especially when little fellow came along, but I, but then as it happened, I got made redundant again from this job, this place shut down. So it all fell into place really. I would just out. It, it sounds a bit fingy, but he'd sort of be my, my job in essence. Yeah. Me be the,

Helen:

yeah. So you've got this, so you've got this wonderful little boy with you now, so we'll talk more about him in a bit. But firstly, what was the assessment process like for you, Paul? How, how did you find that?

Paul:

Well, the, the ladies, uh, it was mostly ladies who, who. So I trained us up and everything and we did the assignments and the course and everything. It was, it was, it was quite easy, not easy going, but you know, it was, uh, it was easily, easily laid out. You know, you could take it on board nice and nice and easy. Well, I could anyway, and I'm not the sharp its knife in the drawer.

Helen:

And you said that you did have some, uh, apprehension at the start, which is completely understandable. You know, lots of people Do. You have lots of questions. You have lots of worries about whether. Stream will fit into your life. Did you feel like all of those were, were dealt with and that you always had lots of support?

Paul:

Yeah. Yeah, for the most part. Yeah. Yeah, apart from, I don't know, maybe like a buddy system. They say, you know, you have a buddy system, but that didn't really pan out for us. But, but you know, that didn't really matter. But yeah, everything else was, there was, yeah, full of support and all there for you.

Helen:

Yeah. So it's really to

Paul:

answer any questions.

Helen:

So it's been about a year now that you've been fostering. You say you, you firstly started with respite with this young boy that you have with you, and then he's come to live with you full time in December, wasn't it? So can you tell us that's, yeah. Can you tell us about that, you know, that journey, sort of what respite look to like initially?

Paul:

Well, I was been quite a learning curve really, because, to be fair, I didn't really know much about autism. I know my nephew's got autism, but he's a, it's like functioning autism, you know? He is, he is still going to uni and stuff like that. So, yeah, like I say, you see it on the TV and stuff, but I didn't know much about it, so it was, we've just been learning, especially with a lot of Bella as it is, and we've, uh, we've our to. Cater for his needs really by, uh, we wouldn't have to put locks on like on our bedroom door. And, uh, only we put locks on just to keep him out so he don't hurt himself really, because he's not supposed to go in your bedrooms anyway. So he, you don't understand that you're not supposed to do that. We've got locks on the bedroom, locks on the kitchen door, lock on the bathroom door because you just go in and get water everywhere. I'm in the loft. I've got a lock on the, on the loft door up here because of, we've got two vlu windows up here and you can't lock them. So if you, if you can't come in here on his own.

Helen:

Right, yes. You've, you've had to do a lot of adaptations to, to your house then. Um, and, uh, what was fostering some, a child or a young person with additional needs, something that you thought you would do, and how did it come about?

Paul:

Not really, to be honest. No, I, I wasn't, I don't know, I didn't have any particular child in mind. I just, you know, I just, I don't, I don't know, I just, I was just gonna see how, how the wind blew up being, you know, see what had happened. And it just came about because, uh, they were looking for respite, but it's like O fella. Um, we went along to meet him at the park and. Paul, I fell in love and obviously you've got, you know what I mean? He's, you've gotta keep your distance anyway, but you know what I mean? He's like, yeah, we'll go and we'll give it a go. Mm-hmm. It has been a challenge.

Helen:

Yeah. But what's everyday life like for you at the moment, Paul, then with, with the little boy that you have?

Paul:

Well, it's, he's, he's on a bit of a, he spirals as a lot of people with autism. Do I imagine? But he, uh, at the moment he is, he is really quite, you know, he is, he is doing all right. We try to potty train in him because he's, he's six, but he's still in that he poor little fella, but we try to potty train him. But he's proven challenging because I was just outside then with him, and, uh, he, he had a wee and he, he didn't do it in his pants, but he just did it on the step. Okay. That's not quite what we got in mind, but yeah, because we've got everywhere. But anyway, yeah. So. He's been waking up at four o'clock, which isn't ideal. He doesn't do that all the time. He's not done that for a while. But we've got a bit of a routine where Paula will get up at four with him, and then I'll get up at six, you know, and let her go back to bed then. Yeah. And she still wears part-time.

Helen:

So you say, you say that you are, you are learning more about autism now. Um, do you, do you feel, what, whereabouts on that journey are you really with, with your understanding?

Paul:

We still quite early on in it. Really? Yeah. Because we still don't know that much. And I don't, I don't, I'm sure there really, there are plenty of people with autism in the, uh, foster community, but there's, there's not that, I don't know. There doesn't seem to be that much help at the moment. There's a course that we can do, which we are going to do to try and help us. Like, say we just, we're just learning as we go. Really? Yeah. What? Because we've got him a big buggy and stuff like that, you know, because, and we know now his levels. 'cause if we, uh, if he goes to school, obviously he goes to school, but he, uh, we know at first we walked him down to the shop. We needed something from the shop at the bottom. And uh, so we walked down, but then he wasn't nappy and he'd just lay on the floor. But we know now they was just tired. So.

Helen:

Yeah. Yeah. You're just getting to know him, you just know we can't. Yeah. Yeah.

Paul:

We just can't push it. Yeah.

Helen:

Yeah. So it's been, it is been about, what, six months now? So you, you feel like you are really, that he's lived with you permanently, so you feel like you are getting to know him more now?

Paul:

Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Knowing he is little quirks and Yeah, he's, he is very much a pincher. I just, I dunno if it's, you know, his, his sign of affection, but he just ran in before. We sat in the living room, ran in, hinged me arm and then ran away. But then he'll come and give you a hug. Yeah. Okay.

Helen:

And of course, Paul, there are a lot of children in the care system who have additional needs, who need loving homes like yours. What would you say to anybody listening or watching you know about encouraging people to consider children with additional needs?

Paul:

I'd definitely, uh, definitely try and give it a go if you can. 'cause it is, it, it is a bit more off putting as well 'cause he's non-verbal. But, uh, you get to know, like you say, you get to know the Quas and what they want and he'll do lots of pointing and you don't want it, it'll tell you. So I'd, I'd definitely say if you can. Try it because he is as challenging as he is, he does make you smile every day. So,

Helen:

yeah. And do you find it really rewarding looking after him, Paul?

Paul:

Yeah. Yeah. The little, you know, the little things that he does and when he is doing something positive and, you know, he is, he is really pushing on, he is doing well at school and you know, for the school he is in, he's, he's doing well.

Helen:

Yeah. And you and your wife are still quite early on in your journey. You're only a year into fostering. What do you think the, the future of your fostering journey looks like? Do you, do you think you'll, you'll take more children or young people on?

Paul:

Well, at the moment it's looking like it's just this little fellow for the foreseeable. Yeah, because we couldn't get anybody else alongside him because it. You know, rock the boat sort of thing. Yeah. So, uh, yeah. Foreseeable. Yeah. Yeah. Until, you know, un, unless the, the foster agents have changed their mind, it's, uh. Yeah. But you know, once if he does that, eventually leave us, then we would definitely,

Helen:

um, what does your sort of fostering network and your community look like? Paul, do you, do you have friendships with any other foster carers? Do you, do you support each other? You know, what does that look like?

Paul:

No, I don't, I don't know any,

Helen:

well, maybe that's something that you can, you can do, you know, further along the line. You can sort of, yeah. Yeah. That could be an

Paul:

idea. Yeah. Yeah. Like a breakfast, you know, a local, uh. Uh, well, they do it at the Paul Brown, not too far from me, so we'll go to there and we have a chat with them there.

Helen:

Yeah,

Paul:

which is nice.

Helen:

Well, I think that's quite important, isn't it, to sort of build connections and relationships with other people. You know, your peers doing the same thing as you, and maybe that's something that you and Paula will find, you know, helpful as you, as you go along in your, in your fostering journey. So definitely. If anyone, if anyone else was, was listening who was thinking about becoming a foster carer, how, how would you encourage them to go for it, Paul?

Paul:

Well. What's the way it can happen? You, you just, uh, just have a go and yeah, just, uh, like say if you, if you want to do it, then go for it because it, oh, you might, you might regret not doing it. You might regret doing it, but if you don't do it, you know, how can you know?

Helen:

Oh. Well thank you so much for chatting to us, uh, today, Paul. We've really, really enjoyed it and best of luck with the future for you and Paula.

Paul:

Thank you very much.

Helen:

Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to find out more, head online and search National Fostering Group and make this the year you foster.