Voices of Fostering

Mark - The Unexpected Rewards of Fostering

• National Fostering Group • Season 4 • Episode 29

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 16:33

Send us Fan Mail

In this heartfelt episode of Voices of Fostering, Mark shares his incredible 13-year journey as a foster carer—from an unexpected spiritual calling to the everyday moments that make it all worthwhile.

Mark's story is a powerful reminder that fostering isn't just about changing children's lives—it transforms foster carers too. From supporting kids through trauma to celebrating their successes as adults, Mark proves that love, advocacy, and a warm home can make all the difference.

If you would like to find out more about fostering please visit our website here.

If you have any questions that you would like to be answered on our next episode email podcast@nfa.co.uk

You can also follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Linkedin and YouTube

Helen:

Welcome along to this episode of Voices of Fostering, where today I'm delighted to be joined by one of our lovely foster carers. Mark. Welcome, mark.

Mark:

Hello, Helen. You all

Helen:

right? Hi. Yeah, how are you?

Mark:

Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you.

Helen:

Good stuff. Well, thank you so much for joining us. I'm really looking forward to hearing all about you and your fostering journey. So I understand you've been fostering for 12 years. Is that right?

Mark:

Yeah, I think that's right. 12 or 13. I can't quite remember when it, I think thousand. Uh, yeah, 25. Yeah. 13 probably coming

Helen:

maybe. Yeah, something like that. So that's quite a long time, isn't it? So if you can cast your mind back, mark, can you tell us, you know, 12, 13 years ago, what is it that led you to fostering? Why did you decide to do it?

Mark:

Well be honest with you, Helen. It was, uh, really through my wife Maria.'cause she's had a kind of, um, association with children all her life. And, um, we've got three grown up kids of her own and, uh, she was teaching and, um, the kids, our kids were getting a certain age, you're leaving home, going uni or whatever. And, um, well they were in their, what they're now 30, so they'd be about. It'd be just over early twenties. So, and she said like, the teaching, it's getting hard. She said, if I could, we were thinking about, you know, discussion about doing the fostering. So, um, I mean, she'd run youth clubs and, um, mother and toddler groups and stuff like that. So, uh, so we had a discussion, said, you know, perhaps give it a go. I, I've always thought that I could even blo a long time. Um, had a thought that I'd like to be a mentor for, for lads, you know, young lads.

Helen:

Yeah.

Mark:

That was before I even thought about doing it because, uh, you know, but, uh, so that was it really. We, we had a thought of them. We then we just, we just, um, got on the phone, I dunno where we got the, I think we just applied some number or some, can't remember who it was. Different ones we, we wrangle up and then we got back. And all these voice message voicemails, you know, can you, uh, give us a call? You know, but, uh, that, that was it really, you know.

Helen:

Well, mark, you've left me massively intrigued and I'm a bit wacky as well. So would you be willing to share the wackiness?

Mark:

Well, I, I've never told anyone this, actually, I, I dunno what we should do, but No, it's true story. Um, sadly, our first baby and then Maria was really ill and. She was in hospital and, um, um, he, he, he, he was born, um, premature and then sadly one thing, another, he sadly died, but we were there when he, he died. And, um, so it was always this association and, uh, other things have happened since then. And, uh, we've got into this, I'm into this like now this. Kind of positivity, positive thinking and all that sort of thing. And, and rear has gone and seen a medium, and then we've had other things. And then every time she sees a medium or someone else, does our son in the other whale come through?

Helen:

Yeah.

Mark:

And um, the latest one or a couple years ago, the lady said, do you realize that you've, because you lost your, your son. This is one of the reasons that you are doing fostering.'cause you've got, somehow, you've got this thing with kids.

Helen:

Yeah.

Mark:

And it's like he's your, uh, guardian angel. So it's nice bit, but it's, it's true. He is, uh, the latest one, uh, um, she, she went to this lady just off Facebook and she come through and she said, um. Oh, your son at home, she says, but I've got your other son and he's sitting on the set with this lad Joe, this young man, Joe, I dunno who job is. So my lad, who, he's out there now, Brian, his best mate. He sadly lost his life and um, he said he's with, uh, Francis. So, so, and uh, so he always comes through and he said, uh, you know, like there's this a thing with the kids, you know, you're always associated with kids. Yeah. So I think she's got like a natural. She's got this magic touch with her. I, I'm big in her all. She's not here. Yeah. But no, and I, I'm a support, you know, she's the, she's the good cop and I'm the bad cop.

Helen:

Oh, well, mark, thank you so, so much for sharing that with us. And it's so wonderful to hear that you got this real deep rooted reason why you're doing it, haven't you?

Mark:

Um, I don't, without even knowing it. Yeah. I think that you, it's like you can't explain it. You obviously. I think people that I've met, some amazing people, well, doing this sort of work mate. This other lady, like the ones that's doing it, they've got this. You can't, you must know whether you would, you know, you, you, you've got a, uh, a thing for it. You, you would know deep down whether you would. If you've got a love for kids, you know, for people in general, you would be good at it. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's what I think, you know, that's for sure. Absolutely.

Helen:

So I'm told Mark, that your home is incredibly warm and welcoming and you've got two lovely dogs as well. Yeah, we have. Yeah. Yeah. So why is it so important to you to, to have, you know, when children come into your home and they need caring for, they need looking after, why is it so important to have that lovely atmosphere for them?

Mark:

I think they can pick up on it because, uh, they come in and, you know, obviously they're suffering some worse than others with trauma, whatever. And the dog, often the dogs there. They, it is a deflection, and they, they feel the warmth. The dog comes I to it. It's a barrier. It breaks down the barriers. Yeah, it does help. Yeah.

Helen:

Yeah.

Mark:

But, uh, yeah, we took, we take him out. If I, I work part-time, like today, I'm not working, and we take him out for a fair walk. We've got a young wire dash down who's crazy. And an old, well, the old boy now, he's a bit old. He's get, he's a bit infer now. He th there's 13 and a half lab a Labrador, so, uh, yeah.

Helen:

Yeah, I think sometimes Mark, some people can worry that dogs might be a, a barrier or might be a reason why they can't foster. Obviously every situation is different. It depends, you know, what sort of animal, but most of the time, as you say, dogs can be really quite crucial, can't they? For, for, um, creating those relationships and breaking the ice, can't they?

Mark:

Yeah. Well the young one we've got, he is quite funny. He loves toys where Rogan, the old boy, he's never bothered with that. But we've got a, a young, a, a small, a young girl. She's been with us in a year now and she's eight. And, uh, what he does, she weren't sure about it. He goes on her bed and any quarterly toy new one she has, he, the next thing he's got it in the living room, running around with it. So it's like she's laughing and, uh, he's naughty. So it, yeah, it breaks down. It's good for the kids. Yeah.

Helen:

Yeah. So, mark, you've had, I would imagine, several children in your home now over the years, 12, 13 years, and you're still in touch with many of the young children that have stayed with you, aren't you? Can you tell us about that?

Mark:

Yeah, quite a few. I mean, we, we've had about, I'd say 25, you know, something like that. And then quite a few we we're in touch with and, uh, but some, some you don't, but, uh. Well, the one we had the longest young girl, she literally lives 10 minutes down the road and she sometimes comes around causing or sometimes babysit. Well, she's in her early twenties now. She's done all right. She's got a job as a estate training or state agent. The other ones who, you know, other kids we've had to come back. Yeah, got quite a good relationship. Really good relationship. Yeah, it's been, uh, it's like. I think if you were looking to go into it, the thing that's hit me is that the day that I would apply for it, I wouldn't see all the positive outcomes that could come from it at that day, at that point in time. It's like, how can you, you can't explain it. It's like, it'd be like a journey, but the, uh, you get so much positive and you look back. Other things it teaches you, um, which is quite potent at the minute to respect enough. Um, see where all the people are coming from. Different religions, different way of life that. You know, and you, you look, you kind of look through things through their eyes. Whereas if I didn't do it, I might not, I wouldn't have thought that way. I'm sure that because we've had all sorts of different religions that supported them and you know, so it is that side as well. What, what it can do to is sort of educate you.

Helen:

Yeah.

Mark:

Lecturing. But it is true. Yeah, it can do that. I mean obviously there's other thought. It's not easy. It's, you know, you've got, you have problems and you gotta get through it. But yeah, it's, uh, meanwhile as we just take 'em on holiday and do everything, they, well, Maria had a meeting yesterday and they said the, the young girls only been here a year. They said they can't believe it, that they're like so happy. The thinking of long term already, which is, that's unusual, you know?

Helen:

Yeah. And how does that feel, mark, especially as you say, when you have, um, children and young people who you've looked after who are now adults and you still see them and you see how well they're doing, how does that make you feel that, that you've contributed to that?

Mark:

I am. Absolutely. It's, um, you know, I'm looking forward to when they get married and see what happens then if we like the, at the wedding, you know what I mean? I'm, I'm overjoyed by it. I mean, I've got a, a lad that comes from Africa and famously, I still can't believe a PL Lester City fan. He, uh, he were going off training. He says, mark, I got, he come from poor country in Africa. He says, I go off training. I, where are you going? Next thing. The local football team was next to the park. You weren't even training them there. And he was doing training on his own in the park. Anyway, things happened. He were meant to go back to his mum. Never happened. And then he, we went on holiday, took the go and had the longest, the one that's the state agent, and I got a phone call from the head coach and they to see, can you bring him down? I thought so. Then the agency said, well, they're only in re spot. I said, no, we'll have them back. We wanted them back. So, uh, we had him battle. I said, mate, not that's the city ringing on. So we went down and the guy that owns the club now, I sat next to him in the dugout where they flew all these tight kids out and I thought, I can't believe this is happening. I'm freaking out. It was like, uh, and he never even played a match. They just seen him in the park.

Helen:

Yeah. He

Mark:

was that talented.

Helen:

Oh, wow. I mean,

Mark:

so it was like, crikey, that wouldn't have happened if hadn't have done it. Yeah.

Helen:

You know.

Mark:

But no, there's other things, you know, that they do that they could, that are, that blows you away just the day to day. I mean, nearly all the kids we have, not all of them, but they seem to have a really good mom, really as a teacher. And we just say, you can do, you're gonna do well. They all seem to do well at school, you know, they seem to do quite well. They're, you know. So, I dunno, I must be doing something right.

Helen:

Yeah, definitely. And Mark, you and Maria are such advocates, strong advocates for fostering and, you know, you believe passionately about advocating for for, for the children. The children who are, are in care. Why do you think it's so important to do that?

Mark:

We've, we've stood by them so much actually, we've had to ease off now. In the past we've had things happen. That we stood by the kids so much that we were threatening our sort of, not our job, but we were like putting our, we kept getting told You'd have to, you know, tone down a bit.'cause well, you know, well one instance, young girl, we had, they agreed that she'd go on holiday and, and this is what happened and the parents agreed it, but she got a, um, forced order. Uh, thing on her, um, passport. You know where the girl's going abroad? Uh, what's it called? They had to get this, um, this legal document where she was allowed to go abroad 'cause it stopped them.'cause they were gonna get married off young, you see? So she got this on her passport that she couldn't go. So the authority agreed, we'll get it sorted anyway. Three months. Yep. Anyway, it got to about a month. Have you sorted it? No, two weeks. So this is true. They can't believe it. So they, uh, says they come round, says, oh, I'm sorry she won't be going now, uh, because they've not lifted this order off her passport. And they said, oh. I said, well, we are going Greece, the other two kids. I said, how do you think she's gonna feel? So she's in respite. We've another story all the holiday. I said, no, she, no. We're gonna put in a restaurant. Nobody. I says, no, she's gonna go. So luckily my daughter was a barrister. Well, she still is. She found out that the judge that did the care order on her where he was sitting that day, and she emailed him, said, told him the story, what was gonna happen, she called, went holiday. The judge emailed directly the, I won't say which authority was. And said, uh, you need to get this sorted out. And, and then they come around and say, oh, she's going out. They can't said, how did you do that? They can't believe it. They've never had that before. So like, that's the length. And then they said, well, you shouldn't, you know, that's a little bit, well, no, 'cause it was the right thing to do. You know what I mean?

Helen:

Yeah. And it's important to you and and Maria, that these children have the same opportunities as everybody else.

Mark:

Yeah. But uh, no, and I think if you did that, I'm not just saying that you've gotta, you've gotta. Work within certain rules or whatever, but you know, you sometimes that's not right. I mean, but once you then make a stand for that young girl, she's gonna think, oh, you know, these really, that they mean something now. That, that's why she, when she left, she'd been left. She said, oh, can I come round? No, she's over 18. Can I come and see her? When then she realized, said, you know, when I left, I couldn't believe it. She says, you know what you did? Yeah. So it's it. That's good. But you know. So that's just one, just one a story.

Helen:

Yeah. I bet you've got so many stories. Mark. So just to finish off, mark, for anybody who's thinking about being a foster carer and maybe, you know, they're feeling a bit hesitant about it, you said before about how at the beginning of the journey you don't know what the benefits are gonna be. You don't know what the, what the end of the story or further on in the story's gonna look like. What, what would you say to anybody who's, who's at the beginning.

Mark:

I would say that I can understand anyone that would think, oh, should I do this? What's gonna happen? Then they perhaps think, I suppose it's all about what impact is that gonna have on their life, but then you could look at it another way. Well, what a good experience you'll get from meeting and having these young people live with you, the benefits it can do for you rather than the other way around as well. You know, it can mean it can do a lot for you, just the positive things that it could do for you. You could, you know, once you've got these kids that, the, the good things that can happen, you can't always see that while you're doing it. But, uh, that's what I would say. I would say give it a go. If it don't work out after a while, you at least you've tried. I mean, without, uh, without doing it, you know, it's all you do it. Yeah, definitely.

Helen:

Oh, well, mark, thank you so much for, for chatting to us and being so open and sharing your story with us today, and best of luck with the future.

Mark:

Yeah. Thank you Helen. We all bless you. Thank you.

Helen:

Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to find out more, head online and search National Fostering group and make this the year you foster.