John - How Fostering Brought Our Family Closer

When John heard a radio advert asking for foster carers on his drive home from work, he never imagined how much it would transform his life. After 40 years as a sheet metal worker and with three grown daughters who'd flown the nest, John and his wife Victoria decided to fill their empty home with love, laughter, and children who needed them most.

John's story proves that fostering isn't just about changing children's lives—it's about discovering purpose, building connections, and creating a bigger family than you ever imagined.

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Transcript

Alex: 0:00

Next up on Voices of Fostering John Davison. Hi John, how are you?

John: 0:05

Hi Alex. Very well, yourself?

Alex: 0:07

I'm all right. Thank you very much for taking the time to chat. Where in the world are you, John? The accent saw gives it away.

John: 0:13

Yes. It's in the northeast of England. I am a little village called New Bottle just outside of Durham.

Alex: 0:19

Oh, it sounds lovely. Um, could you start by telling me a little bit about your family as it currently is?

John: 0:28

At the moment, I'm married to my beautiful wife, Victoria, and we have three daughters between us, 30 28, no, 27 and 26. I had to think. Then we have one grandson who's two and a half.

Alex: 0:46

Okay. And in the grand scheme of things, we'd kind of consider you fairly new to the world of fostering. John. Tell me about your journey into the world.

John: 0:55

Right. So obviously as I said, we have three daughters who were all flown the nest and the house just seemed empty. So I was driving home from work one day and there was an advert come on the radio. Asking for foster carers. So I come home, I had the chat with my wife, just general chit chat would be something we consider and we said, yeah, let's, so I go in touch with the agency and it all started from there, phone calls, and it is quite a long process going through the application. It goes in depth, took some time. Yes, we decided that's how it started and I think we'd been in front of panel, we told, got accepted I think within an hour, oh, there's a girl would you like to take in respite? So we hit the ground running.

Alex: 1:47

And how did that go, that first experience?

John: 1:50

It went really well. And we still in touch with the young girl and our carer. We meet up with them now and then and it's, 'cause then we're going on all day, the carers. So we had. For two weeks, but it went, it went really well.

Alex: 2:04

Amazing. What kind of research did you and your wife do after you'd heard that radio advert?

John: 2:10

Like basically we had the conversation, then we looked into it depth, like obviously we knew what sort of children could be involved, and obviously we searched, obviously we've done research and then we've got all the information off the, excuse me, off the agency. And then obviously we had to look into it in depth. How would we have to modify our house, things like that.'cause we had two separate bedrooms. How many children would be prepared to take in. And just things like that and just obviously the type of children we know, age groups.

Alex: 2:46

And did you make those, uh, desires from your perspective, clear through the application process as well? Or were you falling into kind of the answering the question specifically that came from the, from the agency?

John: 2:58

Yeah. Probably answering the question, but we did see, we would prefer school age children. Onwards upwards up there. Obviously we've just basically had some children. Now one was shared lives, so we understand the 18 where it goes into shared lives. But we have had one child who was nursery. He was, he come with his sister, a sibling. We had him former three months and he was under school age, but he was, he was no problem.

Alex: 3:25

And you said it was a fairly, um, lengthy application process as it should be. Uh, yes. How did, how did you navigate that yourself? How did you feel about that?

John: 3:35

Sometimes it was, you think it's going a bit personal in depth, but I. I've been in, I'm a football referee at Semiprofessional level, so I know the impact things where you have to, when I've done that, you get your DBS, your safe guarding, so we'd already been through, through certain processes leading up, whether it's when you need to get people. Like best friends involved and try them's gotta tell them their side, your daughters. I mean it was something, and it is personal. My daughter said, you don't realize that happened so many years ago and it had a small effect on my daughter. So that led me, me daughter having a little conversation. I brought that out in the opening. It was great. I says, well, I didn't know that at the time. But now it's come out during the application process. I say, that's great. And so I was finding things out about myself, how I was bring my own family up while going through the process.

Alex: 4:29

So it brought you closer together with your daughters a little bit.

John: 4:32

It did, yes. The little daughter, yes it did. It was just like one little point she thought. Which was going through our teenage years.'cause mine and the daughter's mother, we get on really well, but we split up when the, she was young, she was only a baby, so I think it's, she was three years younger than the daughter and I think she felt she missed out on a few things, which I didn't realize until the come out the application. And I've said, why do you not share these with me earlier? She says, oh, I just thought it might upset you. And I didn't really want to do that, but, and that sort of helped us going into fostering. So it helps you have conversation with foster children when they may have issues.

Alex: 5:18

Yeah. Tell me a little bit more about that. So that process with your daughter maybe gave you a new set of tools that you're able to, to put into action with your, your foster kids.

John: 5:28

Yeah, exactly. So I think we've had just basically the last three we had in one of them. Didn't really enjoy going to college. She's, she was actually staying out a few lessons, so I was just trying to have the conversation with her, get deeper into the conversation. It just, you can't just go, why you're not going? And the child say, I don't like it. There's gotta be a reason why they're not enjoying that. So what I started doing, I, when she was getting work from college, I asked her to bring it home and we sat down, we started doing, going through the tests.'cause I enjoy maths, I love math. So that sort of little thing, just going in depth and thinking of different ways how to get around it said, just tell her that or try this. Bring it home and if I'm explaining to you more one-on-one, then she will gain a class that might help her get through the ities and enjoy the lesson a bit more. Just little things like that.

Alex: 6:25

Problem solving a big part of, of your role then? Yeah.

John: 6:28

Yes. Yeah. And like I said, going back, the one with her daughter was more like she felt she missed out on some things. The older one got which go at the time I didn't feel, I thought they were getting equal. So just that one little point that, and the day we had the conversation and it brought us closer together, made me understand how she thought as a child. And like I say now, when we get children in, I might understand a bit when you have siblings. They're both exactly the same. You, you've gotta treat each one. Although the individuals, you've gotta look what you're doing with one and match it with the other.

Alex: 7:07

Wise words, wise words. Um, when you and your wife first started having the conversation, just the two of you, and then you brought your daughters into the chat, how did you go about broaching that subject? Did you think that they would be supportive from the start? Did you have to have an in-depth chat?

John: 7:24

Yes, especially the child, obviously we have a grandson, so had the child, a daughter with a grandson, the youngest one. She was like, is this going to affect the grandson's name? Will this affect us like we've got today? So she comes and stays with us. So on the occasion. So is this going to affect our grandson? We said, no, it won't. We had to convince on her like our grandson will still be a big part of our lives also, so it will not affect our relationship with him, and she's happy.

Alex: 7:56

So how old was your grandson when you, um, first, uh, had your first, uh, foster child?

John: 8:03

The first foster child will have been June 24th born. July 23. It's only been one.

Alex: 8:13

Okay. So does he understand now kind of what's going on now? He is a little bit older,

John: 8:17

yes. I mean, when we had. He was 10. He was four. So we used to take them out together and he loved, 'cause just we've got, luckily we have fields and woods near where we live, so we just go over and play, just let, just let them run about and burn energy off. And I think he started nursing out. So he enjoys a company of other children. So he, he kinda liked it. He enjoyed the company of other children similar age.

Alex: 8:47

Yeah. You're extending his family and his experience with different kids as well, which is great.

John: 8:51

Exactly. Didn't grade some all, and it, he did have like, I. Issues with like obedience and things like that. When he first came to us, like discipline issues, he was like, got away. We'll see, he got away with everything through his parents, but he come and we put procedures in place and time out. And from when he arrived to when he left, he was a totally different child. He was, he kinda miss him actually. Just the proper little character. He had a proper mullet haircut, which you, you weren't allowed to touch his mullet. You couldn't cut it off his, his hair. He is a, proper, proper. Lovely lad.

Alex: 9:29

How does it feel to look back? I mean, you're saying all this with such pride as you should be. How does it feel to look back and think about the change that you made in, in his life?

John: 9:39

That one, I'm very proud. I probably brought it up because his, his parental parents messaged me right the other day and said they've been taken off the supervision order and the getting no more visits from social workers. So then totally changed the wheels. I think we had them, it was like 14 weeks. The totally change of ways from when the two siblings come to us and when, when we said we'd put these procedures in place, like. Part time, his bedtime, reading them a story, them kept it in place and he's, he's doing really, I mean, the school where gone, she was in the school player. So they are doing really well and it's, it's nice to see the parents have totally changed their ways and they've been a family, again, a proper family as you could say.

Alex: 10:30

Yeah, and you've helped do that. What about you and your wife? What have you learned about yourselves individually, but also as a couple? How long have you been married for, John?

John: 10:40

We've been married for June 3rd, 2012, so that'll be 14 years this year, come June. So 13 and a half years. Been together 15 and a half years.

Alex: 10:52

And has it brought you closest together?

John: 10:54

Oh yes, definitely. It was just, I'm one of these, I like being busy. So I've just recently retired from work after doing 40 years in sheet mal work. I retired last August and we got three siblings in September and then went back in December. So we had a big breakfast through the, like a get together with like foster carers and I was just seeing. The other day I says, we've got no children. At the minute. I'm getting a bit, I love walking dog. I'm getting a bit bored. I might have to look for another job soon just to keep us busy, to keep us ticking over like I like. That's what I miss mostly. When I had my children, we used to do a lot of activities together. As they get older, they start their own lives. They went to university. They've, they've got the boyfriends all live, got their own homes with the boyfriends own families. And that's one of the reasons I was just, I need to put my time investing in somebody else's give, give some of my time to somebody. Instead of just going still.

Alex: 11:56

Do you think that's the, uh, the, the biggest skill that you've brought to the role? Because like you say, you did 40 years in industry, that's not something that typically might lend itself to fostering. So your personal skills are what you've put into action through this.

John: 12:12

Exactly. Why, personally, I'll go a bit deeper. My, my mother died when I was 11. So I sort of knew how it would feel. Like we all know, mother and I get, I get on really well with Vicky's mom, so I sort of curl her mom. So just the mother-in-law, but it's just, you sort of miss that part of your life and I'm thinking. These children, like my, have similar situations that I went through and I know how difficult it was at times to just have one parent there.'cause at the time my dad was still working, he was a minor. So it was, luckily I had some older sisters who helped. So I know how difficult it would be sometimes when you just, oh, there's somebody missing in me life. So you need to give these children all the care you possibly can. And just put a bit of joy in their lives, if that's possible.'cause some of the situations we've learned to go through difficult times and it's, it must be difficult for the child. It's not always easy for the parents that presume, because sometimes just parents things happen to them that they might not intentionally want to happen to them.

Alex: 13:26

I can see that empathy shining out of you. What's, what main skills do you think are required to be a foster carer?

John: 13:35

Right. The first one I think is patience. I think you need lots of patience. Yeah. Patience, understanding. You need good support network, like definitely a good support network. And, and like I say, time, you need time and energy.

Alex: 13:56

And once you've got there, once you are welcoming your first child into your, into your life. You always felt that you were fully supported, not just by the people around you and your family, but also by groups like the National Fostering Group.

John: 14:09

Yes, yes, we were definitely, I think, I think any advice, if you need it, you can go and find it. There's ways to go and find it through the National Fostering Group, uh, the agency we are through. And then you have your local authorities, which I think we've had different types.'cause we did have an emergency child who had ran away for, and not come through local authority. We got a call, phone call on a Friday evening all as a child. She's ran away. She's in a PlayStation. It was going to be for the weekend and it ended up, I think 10 days. That seems to be one of the things most of the children we've had at the moment. See, we've only done respite and short term.

Alex: 14:51

Yeah.

John: 14:52

So the longest was. We had for 14 weeks. Then we had three siblings. Two were very special needs. We had white, two were sibling, the three one was shared lives.'cause she had a 19th birthday while with us, so then went back in December. But, but the most pleasing one, we've had a, a lady called, who was 17. Severely disabled, non-verbal in a wheelchair. She can't walk very far, but when. Used to be out and about with her. She'll say hello and every like I am and things and the most pleasing things when people used to talk back and communicate back with her. And it was just such, she was such a lovely lady. And we actually stayed in touch. We went down our 18th birthday. She lives down North York. Yeah. And we took her out for the day on our 18th birthday. Which was good. Just that's the most pleasing thing. We've met all different types of characters and all abilities and it's, it is pleasing when you think you've had a, a small part in the life and we had little. A young girl with our brother and we went to her the Christmas party for the agency and she runs up to you and jumps up and gives you a ho and you think I've made an impression on that child's life, which is is nice. Gives you like, I'm getting a bit emotional thinking about it. I'm an emotional guy, so I am getting a bit emotional thinking about it. Just them little pleasing things. You see the chil, the children are happy and that's the end of the day. That's the most important thing, giving them a safe environment and trying to put a little bit of happiness into their lives.

Alex: 16:33

Would you say it's changed your life and maybe made your world a bit bigger? I.

John: 16:37

It has. Yes, definitely I'd say changed my life in a big way. And, and when I, it's like I go out and about and I'm, I have like a, a training where I train and I've took a, a couple of long training with me and. People see, oh, what you do. Uh, some say they couldn't do it, but it's, it's magical. Why would you want to do it? Look after other people. They'll see when, when you just get to know the children. It's, it's just like having your own in their own way. You just, you get them into the routines and it's just, I. Just makes your life happy, eh? I suppose, like I say, it keeps me on my toes, keeps me busy, which I enjoy.

Alex: 17:16

I bet it makes it seem like referees hard, right?

John: 17:19

No, exactly. It does. Yeah. People say that's a see that people say, I don't know. You can be in referee. You must get loads of stick. I'll see. You don't. It's, it's how you go into everything in life at shop. Attitude. It's like work, I suppose. It's how your attitude is to deal with those situations, your personality,

Alex: 17:40

so transferable life skills that you've picked up, whether it's through work, um, hobbies, perhaps extra things that you've done as you've got a little bit older. You can just put all that into action now and make a difference.

John: 17:53

Exactly. And like I say, take an experience from your own younger life. Put them in and we, we have a dog in our house, a, a spaniel, which all the children seem to take too. And it, it helps us go for long walks, keeps 'em healthy.

Alex: 18:07

John, I understand you've got a certain affinity with a certain TV show that connects everything together.

John: 18:14

It does, yes. So. My eldest daughter was really into Tracy Beaker when she was younger, so I had to sit through lots and lots of episodes of Tracy Beaker from the start, and she was, that was probably her favorite program. So when I think about it, that has probably made me think about fostering also. Like, 'cause obviously the way that was, although them went like social care in all in what was called a dumping ground as they used to call it, they were all in that house. But it's still made you think, give these children used to see children going off to foster carers. And that sort of probably has stuck in my head sometimes from them early years to when it's come to fostering, it's probably triggered something that says, yeah, I'll do that.

Alex: 19:06

Brilliant. John, thank you so much. Is there anything else you'd like to add before we say goodbye?

John: 19:11

No, I'd just like to say that that to finish off my time in fostering. I've been well supported. I've en I'm, this may not be the right phase, but I do enjoy it. I just like the connection, not just for the children who come in, but it seems now we have sort of like a foster family, like we had a mentor and then other the get togethers, the big breakfast and last night. The agency work for, there's two male social workers and they're trying to get a all meal support group. So we had a, a meeting on that that I think there was five or six of us saying how to get things. So just meal, foster carers can get together and support each other.

Alex: 19:55

That's brilliant. John, thank you so much for your time. Best of luck with everything,

John: 19:58

Alex. Really appreciate your time. Take care, and thank you very much.

Helen: 20:02

Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to find out more, head online and search National Fostering Group and make this the year you foster.