Voices of Fostering

Erin - Becoming an Older Sibling Through Fostering

• National Fostering Group • Season 4 • Episode 32

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In this heartwarming episode, we sit down with Erin, who shares her unique perspective on fostering as a sibling. At 20 years old, Erin opens up about what it was like when her mum became a foster carer and how welcoming an 11-year-old foster brother transformed their family dynamic.

Erin shares honest insights about the initial nerves, the approval process, and the beautiful moments that come with expanding your family through fostering. From cinema trips to welcoming six cats into the household, this conversation reveals how fostering doesn't just change one life—it enriches an entire family.

Whether you're considering fostering or simply curious about the experience, Erin's story offers an inspiring look at the meaningful impact fostering can have on everyone involved.

If you would like to find out more about fostering please visit our website here.

If you have any questions that you would like to be answered on our next episode email podcast@nfa.co.uk

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Alex:

Next up on, uh, voices of Fostering Erin Edwards. Welcome.

Erin:

Hello. Thank you for having me.

Alex:

Thank you for being here. You're okay?

Erin:

Yes. Good. Thank you.

Alex:

Good. Ready to have a chat?

Erin:

Yeah.

Alex:

Erin, tell me a little bit about your life as it is now. Who are you, what are you doing? Um,

Erin:

so I, my birthday was in December. Happy birthday. I'm 20. Went to Barbados with my mum for it. Oh, stop. Quite nice. Well, it was amazing, actually wasn't quite nice. Um, my life to be honest, is pretty, pretty mundane, pretty boring. I mean, I've got a, a Labrador, he's four in March. He's like my child. Uh, work nine to five in an office, which to be fair, I do love it. I've been there six years now. Um, I don't really do much to be honest.

Alex:

I'm sure you do. I mean, you've been, been to Barbados. Yes. So that sounds pretty exciting to start with. Yes. Um, growing up maybe you would describe as less mundane,

Erin:

perhaps. Oh, oh, yeah. Yeah. I had a great childhood and everything. I, I, yeah. Love my, yeah.

Alex:

Tell us, tell us why. Tell us why it was such a busy childhood.

Erin:

Uh, well, we went on lots of holidays. We were very grateful and very lucky to be able to do that. Um. I don't like to say that I had a, I was like, I wasn't saying I was popular, but I have a lot of friends.

Alex:

Yeah.

Erin:

So always at friends' houses, going out on day trips and, and I enjoyed school, which is quite strange. I feel like a lot of people don't. It was an all girls school and my mom actually taught there and taught me, so that was a bit interesting. Um, but no, I, I, I had a great childhood growing up. Teenage years were all very fine, so yeah.

Alex:

And when did fostering first appear in your world?

Erin:

Well, to be fair, I always remember mom talking about it 'cause mom was a secondary school teacher. Um, so obviously she knew how to handle teenagers and was very comfortable with younger people. Uh, and I think mom, 'cause she's always been so caring and always wanting to help that she, she's always known of it, but obviously, 'cause I have two older siblings, so having three kids, I don't think she ever. Really had the chance to when I was growing up.'cause obviously it was, there was already four of us in the house. Um, and I think mom started to mention it about three, well, four years ago now. Um, and I was all for it. I mean, I, I've always loved the idea of it. I thought why not? Like, I love my siblings. If it means I can basically have more than. I, I, yeah, really look looking forward to it.

Alex:

What was that first conversation like with your mom when she first brought up the idea?

Erin:

Um, it wasn't a big surprise, but I didn't know, oh, well, you're actually going for it. So I, I just was really looking forward to it. I was really excited. I couldn't wait.

Alex:

Can you remember what the process was like for, for your mom?

Erin:

Um, it was quite a lot. It was quite intense, but it was quite nice in a way because I got to speak about my mom. Like obviously very positively in how I truly feel about her and how I might, how I think she would be as a foster carer. And I don't think she's used to hearing a lot of praise. So I think for her that was also quite nice.'cause I actually had a chance to say all the stuff I might not say on like a day-to-day basis to her. So I did like that.

Alex:

Can you tell me a bit more about what that, what you've just described, what that looks like? What. Input you have into the process for

Erin:

your mom? Um, yeah. So it was just, um, obviously I was asked quite a lot of questions just about my upbringing and how I sort of felt about it and if I thought mom would, mom would be good at that. And I think there was quite a few other people, like, um, I think my siblings were asked and like mom's brothers and people close to her. So it's just a process of. Speaking all about mum, finding out all of Mum's background and obviously being a teacher and everything, I think that helped quite a lot with it.

Alex:

Was it fully supportive from the entire family? Oh yeah. And surrounding friends

Erin:

as well? Yeah. I think everyone knew that mum would be perfect as a foster carer, so it really wasn't a big surprise and people were, were really happy to talk about her in that way, I think as well.

Alex:

Yeah, it's nice to be able to give that praise back. Mm-hmm. Isn't it? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Especially when it's, I mean, obviously it's such an important process. So were you living at home when your mom took in Yes. Her first foster

Erin:

child? So I was. It was August, 2023. Um, so it's quite a funny one actually. I just broken up with my boyfriend in the summer and my friend had also just broken up with her boyfriend and she was living in a house with him.'cause of the breakup and stuff. She, she basically had to move out, but she didn't really have anywhere to go. So she was living with me in my house, um, when my foster brother came. So that was quite nice 'cause I had my friend as well to sort of experience how to like, 'cause you wanted to make sure that he was comfortable and obviously I. Was so happy that he was with us and it was quite nice having my, my best friend there as well. So yeah, I was at home, um, I think I was home for about five months and then I actually moved out with my, that friend and we had a flat, uh, and I just recently moved back this summer. So, uh, yeah, I was at home from the very sort of beginning and then would stay like once a week to stay at mom's and see them all. So that was nice.

Alex:

How old was your first foster brother?

Erin:

He was 11 when he came, I believe. He's just turned 13 in summer.

Alex:

How were your emotions and nerves on that first

Erin:

day? Well, it was new to me because obviously I'm a younger sibling. I, I've got two older brother, I have an older brother, older sister. So I've, I've never been the older sibling. I've, I was a bit like, oh God, how am I gonna navigate that?'cause I've, I have no experience in it, but I've absolutely loved it. Like, I, I adore him. I don't even refer to him as like my foster brother. He is my brother in my eyes. Cool. Um. But it's great 'cause obviously,'cause he's a bit younger, I, I go to the cinema with him. Things that obviously my older siblings might not wanna go and watch. He's all for it and I love that. Uh, go out for food and stuff and I, I've absolutely, I've just, I just love, I love being an older sibling. I find it really rewarding.

Alex:

Did you have any nerves about first meeting him

Erin:

A bit? Yeah. Because, because obviously I've never really had much to do with teenagers really before.

Alex:

Yeah.

Erin:

Um, so navigating that was, was in, was, I was a bit. Not taking a step back, but I was just very cautious of, maybe I'll sit in, like I'll sit and watch film with him in the living room, but then I might just say, oh, I'll, I'll go in the kitchen and have whatever. Just trying to give him some space as well. But no, no, making sure that he knew that I was there and if he wanted to ever just go out for like a walk, go to get a hot chocolate, I, I, I'm there. So, yeah.

Alex:

And did he tap into that or was he. Nervous around you.

Erin:

He literally was, it was just like he was a part of the family from day one. To be honest, I, there was never any awkward times. I don't feel like I really can't speak on behalf of him, but I think he just slotted in straight away and it was just like, he was just always been part of the family. And even with like when my older siblings would come and everyone just adored him from, from the start. And, um, we have quite a lot of animals, so obviously I've got the Labrador, but we now, we had four cats when he came, but because he loves cats, mum was like, let's get a kitten. That one kitten turned into two kittens, so we've now got six cats. Um, but I think. Him having almost that responsibility and kind of showing that you really are a part of the family. Like these are literally your pets that you can look after, whatever. And I think that helped a lot.'cause it made him just feel like, yeah, actually this is, this is my house and my home and now my two pets that I can look after. So yeah, I think that was good.

Alex:

You've clearly got a massive amount of respect for your mom and a huge amount of maturity yourself. Uh, just react in the way that you have done and just be so accepting, which is a wonderful, wonderful, um, quality to have. But at any point have you had to go, I need to remember. What it was like to be 11. To put yourself in his shoes.

Erin:

Yeah,

Alex:

yeah,

Erin:

yeah.

Alex:

Definitely get frustrated because he Or overwhelmed by anything.

Erin:

Yes.'cause he is also gone from primary to secondary since being with us. Yeah. So he is definitely becoming more of a bit of a moodier teenager, which is quite, 'cause I do remember being like that, especially like with mom and stuff. So I, if, if there's ever any time that he's a bit, I'm just like, mom, just remember he is a teenager and not that she, she obviously already knows that, but I think it's quite. Not, it must have been like deja vu for mom.'cause obviously she's been through it three times. She knows how to cope with it. But yeah, I do. I've been a

Alex:

secondary school teacher as well, so,

Erin:

but no, I do, I do think I can relate to him because even though, God, I'm 27 now, so it was a while ago. But I do remember what it was like to be a teenager. So I, I like to think that he can come to me or. If he needs advice of an or whatever, that he, he can speak to us.

Alex:

You've got a unique perspective on this really, because you can, you can tell us about what it's like as a, as a family to go through this process. Mm-hmm. So how do you all communicate around this and, um. How do you come together when it might feel a little bit difficult?

Erin:

Well, it, my family, we've always been very open with each other. Um, and if there's an argument, you squash it the next day, it's like it never happened. We're all, we've all been the type of family to just. Gather around each other, have maybe sometimes an awkward, difficult conversation, but I feel like that just brings you all a bit closer. I think with him, his communication style's more writing, he prefers to put it in words, so like in terms of how he feels and his feelings, he might not say it, but for example, like a. Christmas card, birthday card. The words that he writes literally just made me wanna cry.'cause he's just, you can tell he, he obviously loves us a lot and appreciates us and it's just nice to know that even if he might not say it, he does write it down. So I think as, as a family, we've kind of learned to understand this. That's just how he is. And. I think we're just, we've just made it very clear that we're all so tight knit. They seem like once a week, everyone, like once a month maybe?

Alex:

Yeah.

Erin:

Um, like we're all just, I, I just like to think that we've made 'em all feel very comfortable in terms of that

Alex:

you've changed his life.

Erin:

Yeah.

Alex:

Yeah. That's huge. Do you think, do you ever think about that? Do you ever go, whoa,

Erin:

it is quite surreal to think about because it's. As I said, it's just, it's like he's always been there, so it's so strange to think God, like he, there was a time where he obviously didn't have this and we didn't have him in our life, and I just, I couldn't even imagine it. Now it's, it is mind blowing really, to be honest.

Alex:

Do you, um, see this for yourself in the future?

Erin:

Um, mean, I. I, I think I, well, I'm very much extremely, very single right now with probably no kids on the horizon currently, so I do think eventually it might be something that I would look at doing, because obviously I've experienced it with mom and I've seen how rewarding it is. So I do think. A lot of people probably don't even realize how much it would benefit them or even how much it just becomes a part of your life without it feeling like a job or like you don't. There is obviously pressure, you have to make sure that you look after them, but I feel like a lot of people, especially if they already have kids, they know how to do that. They know how. Bring a child up and show them love and give them a stable household. So I would like to think I, I will probably look into it when I'm a bit older, but right now I'm not really sure.

Alex:

Do you think it's changed your mom?

Erin:

Um, I. I think

Alex:

it should point out she's watching you right

Erin:

now. Yeah, I think it's, it's just quite funny for mom to have to go through all the same stages again. I feel, um, 'cause obviously she's used to having grown up adult kids, so it's a bit more responsibility for mom again, having to look after him, like pick him up from this train station and stuff like that. But. I wouldn't say it's really changed 'cause mom's always had that inner, I think she just also loves the fact that she now has a younger child that depends on her, maybe more than the rest of us do. So she has that extra love and care that she can give, which isn't just like all the cats and the dogs in the house. So I think that's quite nice.

Alex:

Six cats. Um, and are you aware of the support that she's had available to her from the National Fostering

Erin:

Group?

Alex:

Yes. Yeah.

Erin:

Yeah. And she gets lots of positive feedback, which I think she really, again. Will have never really experienced or heard before. So I think she, I know mom that feels very, very supported doing what she does and, and by all the people that have been around us. So it's, it has been really positive. Definitely.

Alex:

Do you remember any kind of physical changes that occurred around the house when your brother first arrived?

Erin:

Well, mom, we've all, mom's always kept a very. Tight ship in the house, no clutter. If there's a sock on the floor, it's the end of the world. So luckily he is extremely tidy. He always has been as well. So apart from having to have the PlayStation in the living room for a year or, and mum having to look at that every day and think, oh God, this is, it's black and white and white. This isn't my color scheme. Um. It's not really made that much of a difference. No, he is, he's always been very tidy, which is good.

Alex:

What, what do you think are the, are the best qualities a foster parent could have?

Erin:

Um. I think you just have to be open.'cause obviously you don't know what age, what their background, what they're gonna be like. I think as long as you're patient and I know that you have a lot of love to give and that you know that you can care for this person, like your own child, I think anyone, I think the majority of people would be perfect for it.

Alex:

Yeah, you've gotta be open-minded.

Erin:

Yeah.

Alex:

Tough. You've gotta have some, uh, some, uh, steely, uh, personality. Uh, thank you so much. I love how positive you are about it. No problem. And the difference that it's made to your family. It is just absolutely beautiful.

Erin:

Yes.

Alex:

Is there anything else you'd like to say before we say goodbye?

Erin:

No, I think that's everything.

Alex:

Erin, thank you.

Erin:

No worries. Thank you.

Helen:

Thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Voices of Fostering. If you'd like to find out more, head online and search National Fostering group and make this the year you foster, I.