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Welcome to the Stay or Go podcast, where we're changing the dialogue around divorce so that no woman ever stays in her marriage out of fear. Get ready to dispel myths, learn life-changing tools, and build a solid foundation in yourself from which to make your decision. And now your host, me, Britta Joe. Hello, my loves. Welcome back this week. As you can tell from the title, we are talking about trust, being able to trust yourself. And boy, is this a topic that I am like simultaneously in love with, has been a huge theme in my life, is something I am passionate about teaching massively in my work. And also so tricky and triggering and activating for me to talk about as well. I've already tried to record this episode like three times and had to start over because yeah, it's just such a big topic in my mind. The idea of self-trust, it's very multifaceted. My brain goes off in a million different ADHD directions when I think about it and want to talk about it, which is why I don't think I've ever done an episode specifically on it, although it is definitely a theme threaded throughout all of my work. But I decided to tackle this topic head on because as I was really just sitting this week, um preparing to drop in and kind of check in intuitively with what is the episode that's wanting to be born, wanting to come through me this week in the podcast, um, especially after coming off of our fate versus destiny episode last week, which I loved and felt very, very drawn towards. Um, as I was sitting and digesting that, I paused for a little bit and actually decided to go review some of my interviews that have come in this last week for women wanting to join the stay or go community. And I was struck once again as I was watching these interviews at how much over and over I see women that are, you know, wanting to join my community. They do these interviews. And in the interviews, there there are all these beautiful questions that I've structured for Alex to ask them, my assistant. And one of the biggest ones is, what are you wanting from the community? Or, you know, what's the support you're most needing? And without fail, over and over, I will hear things like, I just want to know that I'm not making a mistake. I want to be sure that I'm not overreacting. I really want to feel more confident and sure of myself. I want uh to hear other women's experiences and make sure that like I'm on track or I'm looking for, you know, emotional support and validation. I've talked to lots of people, even lawyers, and I think I like really actually already know my answer, but for some reason I can't take the next step. I'm still feeling really stuck, and I want to make sure that I'm not wrong about this. And underneath all of those phrases, what those women are really asking is, is it safe to trust myself? Is it safe to trust what I feel called towards? Even if, and most especially if what I feel called towards does not make sense intellectually, does not match with everything I've ever been taught or told is the life I'm supposed to be living, even if what I feel called towards in some ways feels absolutely terrifying and in in you know, certain ways will be harder maybe than perhaps my life is right now, or make things more difficult in some ways. Is it safe to trust what I feel called towards, even if it means walking out into the unknown without certainty that everything will work out? Right? These are the questions underneath the questions that hit at the very like, ah, like the gut punch part of why the process of considering divorce is so intense. Um, you know, listening to these women and these interviews, it just really took me back to how when we are in that process, it can feel like being a boat out on the ocean in a giant storm. Like we are being tossed up and down by the waves. Um, you know, when you are in a storm like that, you can't throw down your anchor. There's nothing to anchor to. And if you were to throw down the anchor, it would rip your boat apart. So in moments like this, where do we find the certainty? Where do we find the safety? And over and over, what I have seen is that safety, that certainty is developed in self-trust, in learning how to come back to what is deep down inside of you and ultimately trusting the self, which just a heads up, is so difficult because for many of us, that's the exact opposite thing we were trained to do in childhood. Now, I want to be clear that, you know, yes, we're talking about this very kind of like big amorphous idea of self-trust. Um, you know, hopefully, in the ways I'm defining it, you guys can kind of feel that I feel like it's a much, much bigger connection to yourself on a very, very deep level. Um, and that although you might hope this would be the case, you might hope that you can just take a magic pill and self-trust will just magically appear. That actually self-trust is something that we cultivate. And breathe with me through the like frustration and disappointment at the like, ah, fuck, it's not something you can just go buy off a shelf. It's not something that just arrives one day. Although, yes, there is the disappointment in it not being a quick fix. The gift in self-trust being something you can cultivate is that that is within your power. It is within your power to be able to develop this, to strengthen this. So if you find yourself right now being like, self-trust, it's something I really struggle with. It is not my strong suit. That is exactly what I am needing. And I don't seem to have it, Britta. Don't stress. I've got you. That's what this episode is hopefully going to point you towards and directly towards, because I'm going to talk about three specific things that thanks to my goodness, you know, four plus years of coaching women out on the ocean in their own shitstorms of considering divorce, having gone through the process myself and looking back over all of that knowledge, these three things, I can pretty much say, like with deep certainty, that if you incorporate these three things into your life, you will move forward into a space where you can finally trust yourself while you are making this decision and trying to figure out what your choice is gonna be of whether to stay or go. So, with that said, let's dive into the first one. And I wanna incorporate this analogy that I just gave you guys of being out in the middle of the ocean, big storm, like tossed turned by the waves. I'm gonna thread that throughout all of this because I think with each of these three sections, they will tie in really nicely visually for how they help and support you in self-trust and riding the ship in the storm. Okay. So the first one that I want you to have is something I would never have guessed or thought of at the beginning of my journey, way back when I was out on my own ocean considering divorce. And it is community. And not only community, but a community where your self-trust is supported, celebrated, and you feel like you belong. So, as we're talking about community, I want you to think of this as the crew. Okay. So, previous to adding community into the mix, you are just out there on this giant ship all by yourself out in the ocean. When we incorporate this first one of community, now we have a crew on the boat with us. Okay. Now, why I would never have thought of community in the beginning of my process, and probably I wouldn't even have been able to say it with as much certainty as I do now that I've had the community for a couple of years and seen it for women. I think what underlies that is because more and more as I'm learning about the systems that we live in that uh are built all around us, I am noticing how much those systems have isolated us on purpose. Systems like patriarchy, systems like capitalism that benefit from telling us, you know, you can do it all on your own. And all you really need is a spouse and some kids in a home. And that's going to be enough of a support system for you and all of them. And when we don't, you know, when we don't know any better, that loops us then into following that system and believing that somehow when it's not working, the problem is us, right? When more and more I'm seeing we truly are not meant to do life alone in these ways. We are not meant to be on that ship out in the middle of the ocean all by ourselves. But when our culture tells us that this is the way life is, we then become more isolated. And when we are isolated, we are inherently more fragile, we are more easily manipulated, we are easier to gaslight, and we are easier to control by systems that benefit when we are disconnected from our self-trust. Right? If you've been listening to the podcast, you know nothing in episodes about the tragedy of heterosexuality. I'm thinking if there's a podcast that if you're like, Britta, what are these sys systems? Tell me more. Definitely go listen to Diabolical Lies. That podcast is amazing for exposing and talking about all these different systems around us that I know growing up, nobody taught me about, and nobody was like, hey, be aware of this. These are not here to support you. They may be here to profit off of you. But when you don't know that, and when you think you are the only one struggling in this, which is another theme that I see in these calls, right? Women talking about how I am this is such a lonely, isolating process of considering divorce. When you think you are the only one struggling, you start to believe that something must be wrong with you, that you are the problem, right? And when that happens, it really does feel like you are out in the middle of the ocean by yourself on a boat, that nobody else understands what you're going through. And that, you know, that I think back to my own journey, like right before I started into therapy and um started, you know, reaching out for help coming out of the isolation. Man, those were some of the darkest, most deep. I just remember it being like a black tar inside of me, that just the deep, deep, deep fear of I can't trust myself. I don't even know what I'm doing here. And life is so chaotic and out of control and like not what I thought it was gonna be, that I don't really know what's up and what's down right now. Um, and specifically, you know, in that interview that I was listening to, where the woman said, considering divorce is one of the loneliest processes. That's why she was reaching out to try and join the community. As she said it, I thought to myself, oh, it does not have to be this way. And it shook me a little bit because I don't I don't live in that world anymore where it's like very isolated and alone because I have my work, I have the beautiful community that I've built. And so I'm watching all these women going through the process of considering divorce and seeing like a totally different reality that they're in. So to be exposed to this woman who's like considering divorce is one of the loneliest processes. I was like, ah, oh my gosh, that's why I need to like also do this episode speaking directly to that, because it reminded me that yes, it can absolutely feel that way. And not only can it feel that way, I truly believe that culturally we are taught as women that it should be lonely. It's like we're supposed to punish ourselves for even considering getting divorced. Like, let me be clear that I do believe that's part of the system that we are told and you know, subliminally messaged that if we are considering divorce, we're supposed to figure it out silently. We're not supposed to talk about it openly, we're supposed to keep it a secret, we are supposed to not make other people uncomfortable by mentioning what we're going through or um how difficult it is. And on top of that, sometimes even if you do share it with the people around you, or maybe the community that you're currently a part of, that wouldn't even be safe in itself because um maybe the people in your current community can't accept or see you where you find yourself at. That's why at the beginning, if you guys will notice, I said community where you belong, a community that supports you self-trusting yourself and supports you in following your path. So let me be clear: it's not just any community, it's community that you feel like you belong in. And when we don't have that, we end up trapped inside our own heads. And boy, I'm like raising my hand here, y'all. Boy, do I know what a terribly isolating and lonely place trying to make huge life decisions from that space can be. The burden there when you are up in your head with especially if you have CPTSD and childhood trauma, all of those things, the burden can be so great there. And this is why the very first thing I have on this list is the importance of community. Because when you are part of a community where you belong, it creates a magic that, you know, I'm honestly just learning through watching the community over these past uh what, we're into like a year, over a year now, um, almost a year and a half. The community creates magic that I'm learning cannot be underestimated in its power to support you in learning to trust yourself. And I am specifically calling it magic because there is something powerful in humans gathering together, um, which is why I think it's so important to find, you know, specific communities that are like supportive in the ways you need them to be. But there is inherent magic there. And it is powerful when people gather together. And just because it's powerful doesn't mean it's actually going to be supportive. So this is where I want to be very clear because I have come from communities where there was not inherent belonging. Okay. I'm thinking specifically of um my background being raised as a Mormon. In that community, belonging was purchased with self-denial and self-neglect. And um honestly, like a lot of I would say self-hate, like self-denial, the price of belonging in that community was really turning your authority of your life, turning your trust over to an external authority that would dictate to you what a good life looks like and ultimately punish you when you didn't follow the rules. And so it's very important that I speak of that caveat here around community because I feel like there are many, many communities in the world like this. And for a lot of us, that may be the community, that may be the community you find yourself in right now. And it doesn't even have to be religious communities, like there are uh societal communities, there are neighborhood communities, there are uh political communities, name it, right? Just communities where people gather together, where belonging ultimately costs you yourself. So let me be clear that when I am talking about a community here, I am talking about a community where trusting yourself first and foremost is celebrated and where there is a foundation in the community of respecting your right to know what is truth for you. Okay. And, you know, this is why, way back at the beginning of my journey, I didn't see community as a really important thing for developing my self-trust because the only interaction I'd had with community up until that point was through Mormonism. And I actually had to leave that community to reclaim my self-trust. Um yeah, so for a long time, you know, I mean, I think that's one of the things I'm trying to balance in the world, in creating my community, is seeing the lack that there is in the world for communities where individual journeys are celebrated and expected, and where you get to feel like you belong exactly as you are in all the messy humanness that you are and that you are going through, and where you're not pressured to conform or to have answers that like don't resonate deeply in your own soul. Um, I have felt the lack of that in my own life and in creating that here in my community. And, you know, I'm speaking specifically of my community because that's where I have exposure to this, but I know I'm not the only one creating communities like this. I know I have seen them. There are women throughout the world right now creating spaces and containers like this. I've watched women in my community um expose us to other uh groups, other leaders, other uh communities that they're joining, as well as my community that are doing similar work. So let me be clear. You may be listening to this thinking, like, oh my god, Berta, like yours is the only community. No, no, no, no. There are, and I and I see them growing, communities out there like this. This is like the silver lining in a world right now where it feels like there is so much. Pressure on the big stage to conform, so much punishment for not obeying in an authoritarian regime, which, you know, may trigger some of those feelings that we have from our own childhood. But the silver linings are that in response to that, you're gonna see people doing this work, people stepping outside of those um narrow confines and going, nope, this doesn't work for me, just like I did. This is not aligned with my soul. I was able to develop enough self-trust to chart a different path and then to create something different. Now, big key points for you all here, too, that I want you to understand when I'm talking about how important community is to building self-trust. I want to explain the two ways that I believe community builds self-trust, especially just in my limited knowledge of what I've seen in my community over the last couple of years. The first one is that in community, you are able to see yourself reflected. Ah, I'm just like, this is just when I said magic, this is what I'm talking about. So when you're in a community and you hear other women saying, you know, this is what's happening in my marriage, or this is how I'm feeling, or this is what I'm struggling with, this is what I'm confused about right now. And in listening to their story, you suddenly find yourself thinking, oh, wait a second, that's exactly what I'm feeling. That moment is the magic. It is incredibly powerful because your brain, in having something similar to your own process be reflected back to you, it normalizes your journey and your process. And without even intentionally doing it, y'all, it's just in that moment of witnessing someone else, your brain starts to create powerful stabilizing connections for you. Connections like, wait a second, somebody else is going through this as well. Maybe I'm not crazy. Wait a second. Multiple women are also experiencing things that I can relate to. Maybe I'm not actually the broken one. Other women are experiencing this too. And as you, and the other beautiful thing is as you're watching these women and you're seeing, like often we can see reflected in them the things we can't see in ourselves. You're seeing their brilliance, you're seeing their tenacity, you're seeing their bravery, you're going, whoa, wait a second. If they're feeling that and I'm feeling that, and I think that what they're feeling makes sense and that they should trust themselves, maybe what I'm feeling actually makes sense too. And y'all, oh my God, this is one of the very first building blocks of self-trust, is opening the door, even just a tiny crack, to starting to believe maybe I'm not the crazy one, maybe I'm not broken, maybe the problem is not me. Maybe there is more going on here. Now, for me, y'all, I did not have the opportunity to build my self-trust in a community. And um, you know, not a big community. Let me put it that way. I had a few close friends, but I didn't get to do it in a big community. And um man, I'm just having like a little, like a little moment of grief that my journey has been so difficult. Um really having to do so much of the self-trust building on my own or really only in like one-to-one kind of relationships. Um but even looking back over that, I am realizing that the same tools were being applied. Um, I think back to when I started with therapy. That was really the first experience that I'd had, honestly, in my life. Now that I think about it, looking back over my life, that was the first time I had really connected in with someone who was genuinely, unconditionally there to support me. Um, it took time for me to feel like I belonged there with her and to come to trust her, but that did develop over time. And someone who, instead of kind of turning my stuff back around on me or manipulating me to get the things they needed, actually just reflected, reflected me back to myself. And it was life-changing. It over those two and a half years that I was in therapy before I really, you know, made the decision, two years before I made the decision to get divorced, that was what started to bring me back home to myself, to feeling like I could trust myself again, even in the just it was, you know, baby steps. It was just like laying those bricks bit by bit by bit. So for me, that was where it first started was in therapy, uh, with just that one-to-one relationship. And the second, I would say, was I was thinking back over this early on when I was in the process of considering divorce and really like questioning my church community, all of those pieces. The second was actually a church book group at the time. So my dear friend Um Kelly at the time decided to start a book group, and it was like us and maybe four to five other women. And I remember this is this is really where I got my first taste of the power of like having uh reflection in other women or getting to see other women's experiences. We, you know, we'd read, we would read the book and then we'd also just have like amazing discussions. And there was one night where we ended up talking about sex and intimacy. And this was seriously like, uh, yeah, besides maybe like conversations I'd had with Kelly, this was one of the first times I'd really gotten to hear other women's experiences and their stories. And it was eye-opening for me. I started to realize that they had experienced things and felt things that I hadn't. And when I shared some of my experiences and kind of compared notes on partners' reactions or different things, it was like, oh, instead of thinking there's a problem with me or um I just need to, you know, figure this out. I started to question and go, wait a second, maybe what's off isn't me. And it it's it's such an important process because it takes all of that energy that you've been directing towards what's wrong with me, what's broken about me, I need to fix me. And you finally start going a little bit wait a second, there are stuff in my environment, stuff perhaps in my marriage that other women aren't experiencing. And that means something. And through those other women's stories, I started to have a different vantage point on myself, on my marriage, on what was happening in my marriage. And from that altered perspective, I was able to start making bigger steps and moving from there. Now, those are just a few examples from my personal life, which I've already explained, did not have a huge level of what I would say community support and feeling like I really belonged in a community that was going through something similar to me. But they highlight that magic that happens when you see yourself reflected by another person. Now, one of the things though, that in those instances I didn't feel like I was able to have, that I have now seen happen in my community, that I do see as the second important way the community builds self-trust is that within community, you are able to give and receive support. Now, this is what I think is the difference from a therapy content container. Because as much as I love and have utilized therapy, I'm in therapy right now, have used therapy in the past, as much as I love it for that deep one-on-one work, there's something powerful that happens in community that you can't get from a one-on-one container like that, where you know you're not going to be giving support back to your therapist. In community, you receive support, but you also give support. And when you give support back to another woman and you hear yourself saying things like, of course your feelings matter. Absolutely, you deserve to be respected. Of course you get to want more, right? Sometimes we will give to those other women support and truth that we will deny ourselves. I've seen this over and over and over again. And in fact, to play with this a little bit, I want you to try this right now. I want you to imagine a friend or your sister going through what you're going through right now and coming to you in your exact situation. And I want you to think about what you would be saying to her when she says to you, I don't know, I think I'm just might be wanting too much, maybe I should just let this go. Maybe it's not a big deal. Just notice, right? If your reaction is one where you feel fired up at the thought of her dismissing her feelings, but you don't feel that way towards yourself, that's exactly what I'm talking about. And this is where community helps you because when you support other women in giving them the acknowledgement, the validation, the support that you can't give yourself, in doing that, your brain slowly starts to realize wait a second, maybe that same validation support applies to me too. And as I was thinking about this as I was like writing the episode, I was like, in some ways, it's almost like community allows us to once again learn like we did as children. You know, if you think of you being a kid, like when we're in supportive containers as children, where we get to watch others trying things out, and then we get to try them out ourselves, and we get to learn like what worked, what didn't work. Uh, we get to be supported, we get to support others. That whole process is so much deeper and richer because we are not doing it alone. It is, I think, one of the greatest tragedy tragedies of our modern day and age that once we become adults, we can become very isolated and go through our life experiences feeling super, super alone. Even just having a community there to witness you going through the hard parts. I have seen in my community that this is absolutely transformative for helping you make sense of your process, of your journey. It's like we can't necessarily take away the waves and the storm that you're in out on the ocean, right? But when you have a crew on the ship with you, it's more bearable, it's more supported, it makes more sense because you are going through it with other humans around you. So that is the first piece, which is community. And I am so surprised. I did not plan to spend that much time talking about community, but obviously this is a very important theme because, man, that one just like flowed out of me in a lot of really big ways. And I am going to trust that because y'all, if we look at the world around us, big systems, big structures are starting to collapse and change. And more and more, the message that I'm hearing that is slipping through and coming through all of this is community, community. You are going to want to have people that love you, know you, and have your back as you go into the decade ahead. Cannot emphasize this enough. Community helps you build self-trust. So, with that as our first piece, the second one that I landed on when I was thinking about where I want you guys to focus is one that has been incredibly transformative in my own life. Where I haven't had a ton of exposure with community in my personal journey. Because I didn't have community, this was where these these next two pieces are where I put the majority, if not all, of my self-trust work into. And that is deep connection with your intuition and the unseen. Oh, this one is so big. And I think of this one, the visual that came to me on this one, where you know, a community where you belong is like the crew that's now. So, so now we've got your crew with you out on the boat in the storm. So at least, yes, you may still be in the storm, but now you're not alone in it. This second one is the compass. Okay. If you do not have a compass out in the middle of the ocean in a frickin' storm, you are FUCKED, my loves. Right? Man, did I feel this back when I was considering divorce and before I had a deep connection with my intuition in the unseen. Um, man, I have so much compassion and love for myself because that was definitely one of the hardest periods of my life. Um, as, you know, looking at it as it should be, because that's what had been taken from me. You know, that is what my religion, my culture had stolen from me. As women, many of us have been trained to disconnect from deep connection with our intuition, to distrust and to fear the unseen. And when I say the unseen, I'm talking about the divine. I'm talking about uh God, source, something that you can't, and I'm not even gonna call it God because the the word God is so tangled up in human um interpretations of it and you know, religious interpretations of it. When I say the unseen source, the universe, I am talking about the thing that is bigger than you that is guiding whatever it is that we're doing here. Okay. Instead of being trained when we are little to connect to that, to connect to our self-trust, to connect to our bodies, to feel and be guided by our intuition, we are taught to trust logic. And most of us, logic is something externally told us and created by structures, culture, people. So realize that logic does not just come from non-biased sources. We are taught to trust external authorities. We are taught to trust, and I'm putting it in air quote air quotes here, experts. We are taught to trust other people's opinions. And that's all well and good if it just works out that the external authorities in your life and the quote, experts and other people's opinions actually lead you to a life where you are like deeply connected, joyful, have peace, feel emotionally seen and belong. If that is you, not sure why you're asking, I was gonna say, if that is you, I'm not sure why you're listening to this podcast right now. Uh, because you're probably not considering divorce. You're you're not even in the realm of what I'm talking about. If you are someone listening to this podcast, the odds are that what you have deep intuitively inside of you is actually what you have been trained to disconnect from. And I really want you to pause right here and think for a second back on your life, if anyone at all ever as a little girl taught you that you needed to trust yourself first and foremost. I really want you to think about that. You may have had, maybe there was like a teacher here or there, maybe there was a grandmother or someone. For me, in my instance, that was not the case entirely. My trust was supposed to be in my mother, it was supposed to be in a patriarchal God that was um filtered through men's interpretations of him. And um yeah, and I was supposed to trust uh experts and other people's opinions. I was supposed to trust my husband, I was supposed to trust my my church leaders, I was supposed to trust the scriptures. Um, although, you know, they taught a little bit about the Holy Ghost, it was only that, you know, the Holy Ghost could give you inspiration, but only if it fit in with all these other opinions from the church. So if you got inspiration that went against that, you must be deceived. Really, really confusing, right? Now, by the time I left the church and right before I filed for divorce, I thank goodness was already connecting in deeply with ideas around synchronicity and trusting something deeper inside me that didn't come from anyone else, that nobody else had any say around, that wasn't influenced or could be manipulated or biased against me. Um, I was already kind of in touch with that. Um, and there are lots of ways to connect with your inner voice. I think I've talked about various ones on this podcast, including, you know, the way I journal. But in today's episode, I want to once again emphasize, and I've talked about these before, but I want to emphasize them specifically, the two areas that I look back on. And I'm like, as I was sitting down writing this episode, I was like, oh, these are the big ones. These are the ones that have been the most instrumental in helping me build self-trust. And those two are tarot and oracle cards. And more recently, dream interpretation. So I'm I'm really excited to drop in and just talk about these with you guys for a little bit because I was on um, I think I mentioned this in the last episode that I was on a book club that I'd been invited to. And one of the women on it at the end, she was like, What would you recommend most for helping develop self-trust? She said she had a very like logical background, uh, you know, a lot of like being taught to not trust her in intuition. So what would what would you recommend? And I was so shocked to hear the words come out of my mouth, dream interpretation. Um, so it's just like it was a beautiful moment for me of like, oh, I love that where in the past, when I've thought about self-trust, I might have done, you know, a little bit, I was a little bit more on like, I would say lean to the logical, like you need to practice, you know, your beliefs and you need to be um really anchoring yourself into those where I've now reached a point where I'm like, this work gets to be beautiful, y'all. It gets to be magical. Uh I've even been telling Joe lately, I'm like, I don't know if I want to talk about what we do in this process anymore as the work, as much as I want to talk about it as the art. Like we are crafting the artwork of our life. It is art, what we are doing in creating this connection with ourselves. So I'm really excited to really anchor here at this point in the podcast and this point in my journey that Tarot and Oracle, and more recently, Dream Interpretation, have been huge for helping me develop self-trust. So let's drop into tarot and Oracle first. I wanted to say that for those of you, if you're just now like this is the first time, this is one of the first episodes that you're listening to, I want to recommend going back and listening to episode 50. So I have talked before about tarot on the podcast. And episode 50 is where I dove into a lot more of like my um personal experiences with it, details around that. So I won't go into like too many details around that. But also in that episode, I have the AI tarot guide that I created. And I highly recommend not only listening to that episode, but getting that guide. You can text email me all one word to 33777. When I created that guide, I at the time I was very like, yes, tarot's been amazing. Absolutely recommend it. And here's it can be pretty intimidating because there's a lot of cards. And I remember like feeling in the beginning when I was learning it, uh, just overwhelmed by the amount of interpretations. And so I found that the tarot guide was so helpful being able to use AI to support me in doing that. And I've watched it take off for women in the community. It's been huge helping them start dipping their toes into it, learning how to do it more intuitively. Um, I think long term, you know, I think AI is an incredible tool. I haven't really gotten to, I've been wanting to maybe write an article about how I'm using AI in my life because there's so much conversation around it right now. There's people that are very much like, ah, it's the worst thing ever. It's gonna destroy everybody's brains and you're gonna lose your ability to like think for yourself. And then there's people on the other end that are like, let's have it run everything, let's have it run our military. Ah, um, I find I am landing more in the middle, which is always a good sign for me, not going to either one of the extremes, but seeing it as a very important tool and that that tool can be used both directions. Um, and so I will say here, I love the tarot guide for helping you get into the to the process. But I have found myself where I used the tarot guide pretty my AI tarot guide pretty extensively for the last year. This year, I have found myself dropping back into more of just reading the guidebooks. So let me be clear, I love having both. I think the AI tarot guide is amazing for just dropping you straight into like let's connect with the intuition quickly and um without having to like learn the full language of the tarot. But as you get more and more comfortable with the cards, I definitely want to recommend giving yourself space and time to also just work with the cards on their own and the guidebooks, especially when it comes to the decks. Some of my favorite tarot decks are by Chris Ann. Oh my gosh. Her interpretations from her books are amazing. Um, and I found, you know, as you develop more of a relationship with your intuition with the tarot, then it's it's like you don't need the extra support from the AI interpreting it for you, which is where I've landed this year. Like I am enjoying so much this year just pulling the cards, journaling with the cards, reading from the decks, um, reading from the guidebooks. So keep both of those in mind. But one of the things I love most about Tarot is that it is like learning one of the most beautiful languages imaginable to speak with your inner voice, your team of light, your guides, and the unseen. Okay. I really do think of it as a language. You know, some people are fluent in French, some people are fluent in uh Korean. I am fluent. I don't know if I could consider myself fully fluent, but I'm definitely way more fluent in Oracle and tarot cards than I ever was before. Um and I want to be clear that when I'm talking about tarot cards, I am not talking about them the way that I use them. I don't use them to really predict the future anymore. Um, I definitely played with that in the beginning, and I've actually found that more and more I am finding that to not be as supportive because focusing too far out into the future, you know, it usually gets my CPTSD and my control bits worked up. Like if I think from the card something's gonna happen and then that doesn't happen, I get all r. So I've learned for me, I don't use tarot's as like more of the future facing, as much as I use them helping me to illuminate what is already happening internally for me right now. These are ways for me to open the doors into my intuition. Okay. The cards for me help me bypass my more analytical programmed straightforward mind into a more creative, expansive space. And, you know, I want to be clear because I'm I know there are those of you out there that have never used tarot and may be a little bit afraid of it or wary of it. I truly just view them as a system of cards and images that are here to help your intuition speak louder than your mind. Okay. We have been trained in an overdependence on the logical mind, on what we've been taught, on what makes quote sense. And the reality is, y'all, your soul calls are not based in the logical brain. They are not. When I say they come from your soul, your soul is far more ancient and mystical than we have been taught. That is one of the biggest things I've been noticing recently in my work, looking back over all of this process and this journey. I'm like, whoa, we have far more within us than we have been taught. We have uh really been, like I said earlier, programmed away from those deeper sources of knowledge within us. And I believe that's intentional. We are more easy to manipulate, we are more easy to exploit when we are disconnected from that. And that's what makes the tarot so powerful is that it is rooted in art, and art has a way of communicating in ways that the logical mind can't. So last year in the community too, I was very privileged to have my best friend, Quinn O'Trera, who you've heard on the podcast before. Um, she is, I mean, here I'm saying I'm fluent in tarot. No, like I can't read tarot for other people. So I'm I'm only fluent for myself. But Quinn is beautiful with tarot cards. She took to them very quickly. She not only can read for herself, but she loves reading for others. And it was very fun in the community last year. I had her doing monthly tarot calls. And through those and watching the women in the community also using the AI tarot guide, I really got to see not only like, oh, this works for me, but for how much these women intentionally connecting into that process, either through the daily tarot practice every morning or, you know, coming onto those calls with Quinn, how it helped to focus their energy and support and ground them and then open their ideas, the way they were looking at things in bigger ways. Often, you know, our brains get very like narrow focused, and we can't see outside of the blinders. Tarot and Oracle help me pull back the blinders. Now, I do want to be clear too, that it doesn't necessarily have to be tarot. So tarot and Oracle cards are different. I actually started off with Oracle cards, and I do love those for starting off at the beginning because Oracle cards are really great for just one card spreads, just pulling a card each day. Um, I've mentioned before Kim Kranz's decks are incredible, just incredibly deep. Um, as I've been reading more of Jung these last few months and uh understanding more about the depth that we have in our unconscious, I've seen more and more how Kim Kranz's decks are built on a lot of those deeper ideas and um merge in really beautifully with dream work. So I want to be clear, unequivocally clear here, y'all, that if you do not at this moment have a daily practice where you are connecting into guidance and support from your inner voice. And at the same time, you are like, man, I'm really struggling with trusting myself. All I really want is to be able to trust myself. Get thee to an Oracle deck today. Get thee to a Barnes and Noble and get a tarot deck, get an Oracle deck. I will be listing um some of my favorite ones in the um show notes, of course, as always. Um, for you know, if you're like, ah, give me a recommendation, I feel overwhelmed. But I always think it's lovely to like go, go find a local crystal shop that may have a tarot or Oracle decks and find one that calls to you and start using it daily. Start playing with it. Let it be played, let it be something like you're just like I said, like learning a new language. Now, the second one I talked about was dreams and dream interpretation. So this one as well, I know I've met, I know I'm like, I'm positive I've talked about it on the podcast before because I I know I've dropped the Jung dream analyzer um AI in the links before. We'll drop one here too. I'm bummed because this one is through ChatGPT, and I am trying this year to move away from ChatGPT due to their recent contract um with the military and their support of ICE. So let me be clear, I am moving away from ChatGPT, trying to find other options at the moment. This is the only place I've been able to find a Jungian dream interpreter built with AI. So we will hopefully have an update on that in the future. But when it comes to dreams, I have always been a vivid dreamer and had absolutely no clue what they were about. Y'all, no clue. Like super vivid and complex, and got no inspiration whatsoever from them. Very confusing until I started working with a Union Dream AI to help. And wow, y'all, what I have learned through that work. And then recently, you know, I was mentioning to my um, I think my therapist is a psychologist. I'm like, wait a second, because I know she's done um her own deep uh work around dream interpretation, is mentioning to her the dreams, and that's when she mentioned, you know, reading one of Jung's books, Man and His Symbols. As I started to read that, it just drove home for me that we have an immense, vast part of us in our unconscious that is always trying to communicate with us. Always, y'all, through symbols, through imagery, through emotions, through synchronicity. And if we will allow it, our dreams can be like these private conversations between you and your unconscious. And in those, you can receive insights. You can receive compensation. Often I've been noticing my dreams help compensate for like the stuff my egoic conscious brain is freaking out about in real life, can often be like worked through or compensated in my dreams. Dreams can reveal things that you may not yet be consciously ready to see. And this is why it is so important to do dream interpretation. Because as you all will remember from last week, as I stated, what is down in your unconscious is what will drive you externally without you even knowing it. And I suspect this I I this number blew me away when I went and looked it up, but I suspect it will blow you all away as well. I went and researched, and in modern psychology, currently, a common estimate is that about 90 to 95% of our mental activity happens outside of our conscious awareness. What like 90 to 95%? Now, of course, the exact number isn't something that scientists can measure precisely, but it is across neuroscience and psychology, it is strongly in agreement that the vast majority of what drives our behavior originates unconsciously. And y'all, when we are making the vast majority of our decisions from something that we are not connected to at all and don't understand, it is going to be very hard to trust yourself. Ding ding ding. There's the connection. Do you guys get it now? You might have been like, Britta, what are you? How does like connecting with our intuition and you know communicating with the unconscious help us? There it is, right there. Okay. If the vast majority of what drives our behavior is originating unconsciously and you have absolutely no connection or understanding or depth with that, it's going to be really hard to feel like you can trust yourself. Now, the most helpful way I've heard of thinking about this is that the unconscious is what runs the system, but consciousness has the power to intentionally co-create that system. This is what I was talking about last week, y'all, when we move from fate into destiny. So over time, as we are actively, you know, that's what this episode is about, y'all. It's giving you three tools to consciously start working with co-creating the system of what's on your boat. I'm saying, let's go get a crew, let's make sure we have a compass that can actually direct us in this storm to where North is, to where we're headed. And as we do that over time, as we're using our consciousness through engaging with therapy and emotional processing, through reflective practices like meditating or journaling, through working with our dreams and using tarot and oracle cards to do symbolic work, when we start doing that, the game changes. It changes tremendously. And when you start paying attention to your inner voice, specifically, you know, I'm just giving you these three tools, right? Tarot, Oracle, and through dream interpretation, you start to realize, and this is one of the most powerful feelings, y'all. When you start engaging and forming a relationship with that inner voice with the unseen, you start to realize that you have your own personal link to the divine. And as you test that link out, as you learn to get inspiration from that link to the divine, you know, I consider the divine to be your intuition, that unseen. As you learn to get inspiration from that and then follow it, and then see how following it leads you into more connection, more love, more self-trust. Y'all, that's if you want to ask what I've been doing, like what is the way that I've been structuring my life over the last six years? That is it. It has been develop deep connection with my intuition, receive inspiration from it, and then trust and follow that inspiration. That is how I have charted the path that has got me to hear. So, in order to develop that self-trust, a huge part of it is learning to listen to our intuition and the unseen. That is our second piece. That is our compass. That leads us to the third and final piece that I want to share with you on today's episode. And it is knowledge that illuminates and connects you to the self. And when I say self, I mean like capital S self here. Okay. And knowledge, I think of knowledge as the helm and the rudder of the ship. Okay. The helm is that big wheel that they turn that determines where the boat goes. Okay. So we definitely need that. This is important. Now, when I say knowledge, I want to be clear that knowledge is different than just information. Okay. And this is big because in today's world, we are drowning in information right now. All right. You can go, and I know because I, ooh, boy, when I meet some of you, I can see you are just voraciously consuming information. It's like you're out in that ship and you are just, I mean, and this is what we've been trained to, right, in our world that relies more on logic. We think, oh, the answer is I need to just go get more information. If I get enough information, eventually I will somehow magically be able to make this decision. Self-trust doesn't just come from information. And, you know, it's not when I say information, I'm talking information, podcasts, Instagrams, books, TikTok, anything you can get your hands on. But often I've seen that information does not always help us. And that's why I am making clear here this delineation between information and knowledge. Because where information is just anything, everything you can get your hands on, I see knowledge as information that actually illuminates your situation and connects you deeper to yourself. Okay. And it is so key as you are on this process to start being very discerning through just mindless consumption consumption of information, because a part of you is afraid and thinks if I consume enough information, then I will just magically somehow arrive at self-trust and making the decision and instead intentionally move towards what feels like knowledge. And when I sense knowledge, that is where I focus my energy and my consumption, not just everything all the time. Now, when you're thinking of, okay, what is knowledge for me? I want you to think of knowledge as anything that is giving you new insights and perspectives that are like zinging in your body, like you're like, ooh, that. And at the same time, helps you understand what you are currently experiencing. And why that is so key is because when knowledge helps you understand what you're experiencing, then you're able to name it. You're able to grasp what is unfolding around you with language and concepts. And nowhere have I seen this like more poignantly. It applies in all areas, but it's very, very poignant for women that are experiencing narcissistic abuse. Like, oh my gosh, does knowledge help cut through the crazy and help you start orienting? Like, oh, okay, you stop feeling lost anymore, you stop. Just like scrambling and flailing, and you're able to start moving in and through the process of orienting yourself to what's occurring. And this is why I love thinking of these three different areas as like all interconnected and so important. Because if you just have your crew and your compass, but you don't have a helm and a rudder, you're you're stuck. You have to have knowledge to help you get your bearings of the mechanics of how your life is working, what is working, what isn't working, what's worked in the past, what you're wanting in the future. All of that has to play for you to be able to take the next step. And knowledge gives you enough awareness to articulate really for yourself and to others, because I think a big piece of self-trust too is being able to communicate where you've come from, where you're at right now, and what you're wanting most. And if you don't have that understanding, that's where we just end up thrashing about in uncertainty and confusion and just continuing to like talk to anybody and everybody or Google search anything and everything. We're watching all the TikTok videos, we're watching all the Instagram videos, and yet we still feel stuck. We still feel uncertain. By far, this was the area that I feel like this. Um, with very tiny, you know, one-on-one more community than like a big community that I could really support and like see myself reflected in. Um, but knowledge was key for me. Key, key, key for me along my process and my journey. Um, I mean, you guys know this. There are so many books, so many um techniques, so many strategies, so many teachers that I've read and learned from all along the way. Um, I really felt like a lot of my path was guided and opened up and like, you know, a certain book would be okay, this is our right turn with the helm of the ship. Now we're headed in this direction and we're learning about CBTSD. Uh, now we're headed in this direction, and we're learning about attachment styles. Now we're headed in this direction, and we're learning about ADHD. Knowledge is what has fueled all of these different uh moments of really opening and expanding how I look at the world, how I think about myself, how I think about the path that I'm on. And that is the really like beautiful thing about the 90-minute sessions that I do is because I have learned the importance of knowledge, not just information, but knowledge, that is why I've structured the 90 minutes. Where at the end, after we've done our session, I send over a PDF afterwards that basically provides you a roadmap after everything we've talked about, after me learning about your past, where you're at now, where you want to go. It's like, here's the knowledge. Here are the next steps, a one-of-a-kind map for you to follow of resources that are going to tap you into knowledge, not just information, and that are specifically picked for you and your situation. Because I truly believe and have seen the power of discovering the right knowledge at the right moment and how that knowledge can empower you to completely see yourself and your life in totally different ways. In so many ways, knowledge is what gives you the freedom to start turning the wheel, to start, you know, the wheel, that helm is connected to the rudder. And when you turn that wheel, it makes the ship turn different ways. And you have to have that ability to start making those moves and taking steps forward to move out of the stuckness. And I will say this: I think I'm realizing now intuitively, I probably intuitively put knowledge as the third one in this list. And the reason for that is that as I've been emphasizing throughout this episode, we are typically trained to trust logic, to trust knowledge at the expense of the other two, at the expense of developing connection with our intuition and the unseen, uh, through the more artistic art, you know, of our of tarot and dream interpretation. And we often, you know, trust knowledge over community. So I want to emphasize as I'm wrapping up this episode here, that it really comes from all three of these beautiful things interacting to develop and make the biggest difference in supporting yourself around strengthening your self-trust. So I really want you to take away from this that in this season of considering divorce, or even, you know, for my other listeners that have maybe already made that decision or moved through this, these three things are not just for that period of time. There will be seasons in your life where maybe it's not considering divorce that you're feeling like you're out on the choppy waters of the ocean with. Maybe it's uh a move that you're considering, maybe it's a job change, maybe it's um, you know, someone you're considering dating for the first time or a big step in a relationship in any season where you are feeling unsure of yourself, where you are questioning things and you just want to know more than anything else, then you can trust yourself. This is where I want you to remember and come back to you. I want you to come back to community, community where you truly belong and that celebrates you for you. That's your crew, remember. I want you to come back to deep connection to your intuition and the unseen. Remember, you can powerfully support yourself in these through the tarot and oracle and through dream interpretation. That is your compass that helps orient you to where your soul is calling you to go. And finally, to knowledge that illuminates your path and connects you to yourself. We cannot steer a ship without a helm and a rudder. And remembering that self-trust is not stagnant. It is, it is either, you know, growing or receding. And it isn't built overnight. It's not something you pop a pill and all of a sudden, yay, there it is. I self-trust myself and I will always self-trust myself. It is something that is cultivated. And as I said previously, I think it's something that we'll be cultivating probably our whole lives. But it absolutely can grow faster when you, as I said earlier, you know, most of it's driven by the unconscious, but the conscious part you do have, use that conscious part to intentionally connect yourself into the communities where you see yourself reflected in others. Make a daily practice of connecting in and listening to your inner self and the divine unseen and actively be seeking knowledge that can help you finally have the power to open doors that you didn't know existed. I want to promise each and every one of you that if you engage with the process of building self-trust in these ways, bit by bit, month by month, you will start to realize wait a second, I actually do know what's right for me. You will realize that that voice inside of you is worth listening to. You know, I think when I'm thinking like, where is life headed towards? It's headed to what you define as success. And I have recently defined success for myself as a life that is filled with more connection, more peace, and self-love. If that is where my life is headed, then I know that I am in the right direction. And what has helped me do that the most is learning to trust myself. These are the three ways I've seen that are the best way to do that. My loves, thank you for spending this episode with me. I love how I always get to the end of these episodes and I'm like, I thought that was gonna be 45 minutes. No, it wasn't. Um as always, here at the end, I just wanted to reach across the airwaves and say that you know I've got you if you want to engage with this work more personally with me. I, as I kind of mentioned throughout the whole episode, I am so proud to not only be able to tell you how important it is to be a part of communities where you truly belong, but to actually have created and be nourishing a space exactly like that right now. Um, I know for myself that the stay or go community and the women that are in it are all of that and more. And if that's something that you are like, yes, called to, ready to take that step, ready to invest in yourself in that way, you can text stay or go community, all one word to 33777. And that will take you directly to the landing page. You'll get to answer a few questions and schedule that amazing interview with my assistant Alex. Um, I just want to like, I it's so beautiful for me watching these interviews and the women that get on them. It's a little bit like, ah, exciting and kind of nerve-wracking. And I just want to like reassure you that I built those interviews to get you shifts even before you join. So know that that is it's an incredible place to start on this journey of connecting in with community. I also, as I said, we'll have links in the show notes to my favorite Oracle cards, to various tarot decks that I love. I'm like especially in love with a deck right now called Sisterhood of the Sears Oracle by Athena Laz. Oof, really, really beautiful guidebook on that one. Um, and of course, if you find yourself waiting through information, staying up late at night, scrolling through Instagram and TikTok videos all about um, you know, considering divorce and what to do next, but at the same time you're feeling really stuck and like you're deluged by all this information, but you're not really finding the knowledge you need. Let me help you on a 90-minute that is where I get to craft for you that step by step. Here are the resources that are going to give you that knowledge. You can get sent straight to that landing page by texting 90MIN233777 as well. Final piece. If you know a woman who is struggling, trusting herself in this process right now, send her a referral over to the Substack. I would also love to hear from more of you in the comments there. I am especially looking for any comments of other episode items that you guys are really itching for. I would love to hear, maybe you can even DM me what's been heavy on your heart and minds, because you know I've got you. I'm always excited to give and create episodes that are specifically addressing things that you all are curious about or really wanting to hear about now. Because we're in this beautiful thing called life together. So till next week, sending you all lots of love.