Welcome to the Stay or Go podcast, where we're changing the dialogue around divorce so that no woman ever stays in her marriage out of fear. Get ready to dispel myths, learn life-changing tools, and build a solid foundation in yourself from which to make your decision. And now your host, me, Britta Joe. Alright, y'all. So this is it. This is the episode I prepped last week. This is the episode where I am going to be talking about, because I've gotten some messages, how some of you have been thinking, uh, Britta, I am not here for politics. I just want help figuring out my marriage. And if that is you listening, I get it. I really do. In fact, in this episode, I'm gonna get really open about my own journey with being insulated enough by my own privilege in the past that I could look away too. So just know I've got you if that's what you're feeling. But really, before we jump in, I want to convey to all of you the heart and soul of why I'm asking you to hang with me on this episode. Because, and I felt this when I first saw that message. I'm actually going to share one of the messages on this episode with y'all. I felt this just intense, like, whoa, wait a second, you are missing the core of what I am. Because the very power in my voice, the part of me that draws you in and makes you feel seen and strong when you are listening to this podcast, gals, it comes from the same thing that makes me speak out politically right now. It is not separate. The courage that it takes to leave a marriage that is suffocating you, it is the same muscle it takes to look at a broken system and say no more. And in this episode, I want to help you guys understand that you asking me to be able to do that for you and to not be political, it's just, it's like, oh my God, it's like asking me to not be me. I can't do one and not be the other. So I want you guys to sink in before we drop into the episode by understanding a little bit, just this is like I'm giving you it straight out the gate. Choosing yourselves, reclaiming your power, and making life-altering decisions, all of those are political. And whether you realize it or not right now, the fact that you are drawn to my podcast, that you resonate with what I say, means y'all are already being called to that path. Ooh, right? Let that sink in for a minute. If you like hearing what I say, you're already on a path that is political. Because reclaiming your power, being able to have your own desires, being able to speak up for yourself, it's all very political. Now, quick check-in. If this already feels like too much, that's okay. All right. I see you. Your timing is your own. So if that is you right now, I want you to feel free to go from this episode. But I want you to take one thing with you to remember. Okay. And really, you know, I want to say if you know, if you're if this episode's feeling like too much, then maybe the podcast might be a little too much for you right now as well. Um, and if that's the case, then it's okay. Step away from this podcast. You can go find other voices that are going to be an easier transition for you. But this is the one thing I want you to take with you and remember, which is that if in the next couple of years you find yourself waking up to a world that for you feels smaller, tighter, and more restrictive. And in that moment you realize, shit, I desperately want out of this and the systems that are keeping me stuck, I will still be here. And when you come back, I will still be so ready to help you break free from all of that. Okay, this is me sending you kisses. Now, for the rest of you, if you're at the point where you have started seeing the cracks in the foundation and you are moving into that discomfort and you are like, shit, shit, shit, shit, but you don't want to move away. You're like, okay, somebody hold my hand. Let's go through this. Those cracks are not only in your own marriage, but you're seeing them in the world around you, and you can't unsee it. Hell yeah, that's what I'm here for. My own awakening was messy. It was super fucking uncomfortable. And honestly, y'all, it was it was terrifying, and it still is many times when I go into my own shadows, into my own trauma and process. But it is also a hundred percent what makes me the woman that you listen to today. So if you are waiting into the unknown, if you are questioning the rules you've followed your whole life and it feels scary, it feels dark, it's uncomfortable, breathe, baby. Breathe and just stay with me because I am about to show you how this all connects and how the fire that you love in me, that fight for your own freedom and the fight for the freedom of others is not separate. They truly never have been. Okay, let's dive in. So, in this first piece, I want to take you through my awakening and moving from a space of privilege into responsibility. And even as I say that, it makes it seem like I've moved fully. It's an ongoing process. But to kick us off, I want to start by sharing what prompted this episode. This is like such an incredibly juicy and important piece. So, those of you that may follow me on social media, you know I've been posting a lot of stories lately, sharing viewpoints, trying to educate, trying to wake people up. And because of that, a few days ago, I happened to check my messages. And know this, y'all. This is a part of my business that in the future I will probably hire like a social media manager for, but I just don't check social media messages. Okay. So if you are trying to reach me through a DM, you are not gonna reach me. Email me. Email me at decide at stairgocoaching.com. That's how you can find me. So I never check my messages, but because I've been on social media so much, I happened to, because this message came through from a woman and it had like a cry, like a silly, like laughing, crying face and the word unfollow. And I was like, oh, I bet this is because I've been posting more things politically. So I'm looking at these messages now because I'm on the page, and I happen to find this message from a woman, and I want to read it to y'all because I think this is just gonna drop you in so perfectly. I mean, this is like the most amazing example of exactly what I'm talking about. So I'm just gonna read straight off. So her message says, Hi, Brita Joe, exclamation mark. I just wanted to say I felt so thankful for finding your show this past year because I've been one of those stuck in the middle. And your podcast has helped me immensely during this phase. I realized I wasn't alone, and so much of what you say I find myself responding out loud to with a yep, all capitals. So thank you for sharing so much of your experience as well as others. It's a scary time, and having your podcast to be able to tune into has been such a breath of fresh air and relieves a lot of anxiety. I also wanted to say I winced when you recently dipped into politics on an episode. I understand why you might have thought you needed to, but this was the first time I got a little turned away. With politics being everywhere these days, it's nice to have avenues that are not infiltrated by it. You also might want to realize that Project 2025, and in parentheses, as much as people want to portray it, is not, in all capitals, associated with the Republican candidate's agenda or administration. This has been discussed publicly, but so many want to make it seem like it is. I agree that any legislation legislation around a no-fault divorce would be detrimental, but it's not even something that is legitimately on the table. Still look forward to hearing more of your show soon, but just felt compelled to reach out. Exclamation mark, have a great rest of your Sunday, exclamation mark. And she links this article. So for those of you listening, maybe you're having the same reaction I had, which as I'm reading this, and she's saying not linked to Project 2025 at all, no fault divorce is not even on the table. I'm like, wait, what? So I click this link, and as I pull up the article, it's flagged, it's from The Guardian, and it's flagged as being four months old. And then I go, wait, and I go back and check the timestamp on her message. It was October 20th of 2024. And in that moment, y'all, it hit me like a fucking ton of bricks. This woman who took me what, we're March now, October 6, short months ago said this couldn't happen. She literally says removing no-fault divorce would be detrimental, but it's not even on the table. Y'all, you know from the episode I did a few ago, that legislation's on the table right now in Oklahoma. Right? And I'm going to attach a couple articles as well that detail clearly how much of President Trump's recent executive orders are directly related to Project 2025. Like almost exactly the same. So um right, it's it's i once you look at those articles, you're like, this is like calling a potato a patato. Like it's the same thing, even though he keeps claiming it's not, he's doing all the stuff from it. So I was like, whoa. She in the past really thought enough that those freedoms were safe, that this was not the case, that she reached out to me to tell me so. And here we are in this magic moment of six months later, me finding her message and going, Oh my God. And I just have to say, too, in this moment, if this woman is still listening to this podcast, I fucking love and want to thank you for sending me this message and being here because this episode is so gorgeous and it would never have been born without you. You gave me an incredible gift in that moment of seeing your real honest belief that this was not the case, and me getting six months later to read your note and and like time warp and realize holy shit, she's wrong. And why that was so powerful is because that used to be me. Y'all, I have so much understanding of where this woman is coming from. And this is where I want to dive into my own experiences with politics and the way I was raised, and this mentality of believing that these big organizations were going to protect me. So I was absolutely raised part of the white Christian privilege pipeline. Okay. That's what I'm calling it. Just kind of encapsulates all of it right there. You guys know I was raised Mormon. I was taught that I was the chosen people. I grew up in a world where hidden racism, white supremacy, and rigid gender roles were all couched in religious language. Like, y'all, the programming was so hidden. I was raised, I can remember like watching Mormon kids' videos where the bad people in the movies literally were depicted having darker skin. I was taught that the world outside of my religion was dangerous and sinful and broken. I mean, the rest of the world was called Babylon. And, you know, they were painted as being these people who were whoring and, you know, people who had bad language and broken families, and that was where the devil and all the evil were. Because there's no way that was here with any of us, right? In this culture, I was valued for my beauty and my good looks. What could I present externally? I benefited heavily from pretty privilege. It was a huge currency in Mormonism. I focused on going to college only so I could meet someone and get married. Men were the providers, they were presiders, and women were here to nurture. I was taught that my highest calling in life was to be a mother and that my role was to support a man, to nurture, and to stay small and obedient while he led. I would get to stay home and raise my children while my husband worked hard and made a lot of money. And we took perfect Christmas card photos every year. And if you all will recall, I got exactly that. I did the plan. I did that plan so fucking hard. In Mormonism, people who are like extra, extra Mormon are called, especially if they're women, they're called Molly Mormons and Peter Priesthoods. That was me and my ex-husband to a T. And we got all the things we wanted: dream house, pool, land, horses, three gorgeous kids, investment banker, husband, prestige at church, the picture perfect life. Y'all know this. And along with getting all of those things, I now realize my unacknowledged white privilege also provided for things that I took for granted, such as feelings of security and safety, being able to move through the world unafraid of what would happen to me, living my life knowing this was my country and feeling proud to be American, seeing white people in positions of power. Yes, they weren't female, but my patriarchal religion taught that that too was part of God's order. So I didn't question it. So, with all of this as my foundation, of course, for most of my life, why would I need to be political? This is working really well for me, as much I mean, hell, y'all. I even remember when women were protesting in, I think it was like the 20 teens, when I lived in Oakland, California, which was a more progressive and open place for Mormonism. There were women in my ward wanting women to have the priesthood. And I was the one that was like, why are these women so unhappy? Like, we don't need that. What are they talking about? When gay marriage was on the table when that whole thing was happening, I went and protested with other Mormons. I was one of those people standing on the corner being like, marriage is between a man and a woman. Like, y'all, I share this to show you how deeply I was in that life, believed it fully, and did not think I was hurting people at all. I did not see, I had no framework for like I'm removing other people's rights to live their lives. I was so entrenched in like, this is what God wants, and I need to do what God wants. And okay, so this ties also into this piece, right? In the last episode, I told you guys that I did vote for Trump. And I want to, as I thought about it more, I realized, ooh, it was not that I voted for him in 2016. That's what I had mentioned, and actually I was wrong about that. In 20, which technically would have been 2015, in 2015, when Trump was first running, I actually did not vote for him that year. I I remember now I hated him as a person. I was like strongly um opposed to the way he spoke about women. I was really emotionally upset by the kind of just the type of person he was. Cause this was right at the beginning of my journey, though, right? In 2017 was when I finally found my therapist and really started deconstructing a lot of that programming. But I remember when I voted for him the second time, for some reason, and I still like the details of what I was exactly thinking at the time, all I can remember is I was afraid of vaccines being mandated. And that was because my youngest had a severe vaccine reaction when he was nine months old, which is a story for another time. And I was so focused on that fear that he or I would be forced to do something I didn't want to do. And I will just say too, as I thought about this more, I was like, you know, I had the luxury, this is once again that privilege of not needing to be worried about my family members being deported or that I would lose any rights, that I could make my vote off of my own personal fears rather than the collective or greater good. So once again, ties back in so beautifully to like being in this world where all I really need to worry about is maybe my own personal fears and my personal interests, because the majority of my life as a white woman is protected within the country I live in and the way I operate in that world. So that was a key distinction I wanted to make when I actually went back and thought through all the timelines of why I voted for him that time. And in the second, that second time where I was faced with voting again, it wasn't that I liked him or his policies. It was just that I voted in my personal interest related to my son. Now, not that I'm excusing that at all, but I wanted to explain it. So coming back to my perfect little have it all Mormon life, the reality, though, as you guys know, was that even though it looked perfect on the outside and it looked like I had everything inside, I'm miserable. You have heard this many times. And I didn't choose to wake up. It wasn't a conscious choice as much as it was my pain finally waking me up. And this is a huge indicator, I think, for so many of you of are you living your truth? Are you aligned with things that are actually serving you or hurting you? For me, there was depression, there was self-abandonment, the disconnection in my marriage, the confusion and self-hatred at how I could be so unhappy while following what Mormons call the so-called plan of happiness. And thank the universe, I found my therapist who instead of telling me to pray harder and trust more, she spent two and a half years helping me find myself again. And that pain and that unraveling, it wasn't because I was broken. It was because I had been conditioned to be too small. And I realized now that all of that pain was because I was in a total patriarchal mindfuck of a world that had not been created truly for me, but for entities outside of me, like the government, my religion, and my family of origin, that all got to profit off of my energy and labor with no real care for how that affected me internally. And because I was not awake to any of that, I was functioning as a part of that system. In voting for people who uphold those things, I became a part of the very system that was oppressing me without my knowledge. And as you all know, I continue to have to go through the excruciating work of reclaiming my life, my identity, and my world from that system. So I now want to connect the dots for you on how I got the power to leave my marriage, right? If I am coming from such a heavy programming. How did I get out of the systems? Right. So, where do you think I got the ability to speak about the things I do on the podcast like this, y'all? So many of you reach out and say how much what I talk about resonates with you, right? Think about that. Where do you think I got this ability? How do you think I am able to actually take women who have been considering divorce, some of them, literally 10 to 15 years plus, and within three months of coaching one-on-one with me for a few of them, have them make a decision and move out and already be creating new lives that they feel empowered by. How am I able to do that? That power came at a cost. It came and still does come at a cost from the excruciating work of waking up to my programming, of doing the hard work of sitting with my discomfort at my own internalized homophobia, racism, sexism, misogyny, and all the other pieces that I was taught and that still reside within me to varying degrees, and that is now my work to sort through and tear down and rebuild into who I actually want to be and what genuinely feels good in my body. That work right there is the work that you hear through my voice on this podcast. And here's the wake-up call for everybody. For those of you that have been thinking, Britta, please be less political. You talking about politics makes me uncomfortable. If you want the power that you hear in my voice, the power that let me leave my marriage, the power that helps me to create the life I want now, it's gonna require work that is not insulated and comfortable, y'all. And just a huge, like big, big note to say that even with how difficult that work is for me, okay? It does not even come remotely close to what BIPOC, LGBTQ, Hispanic, and other disenfranchised people go through living in this world. And that is something that I've really been waking up to in this last, in these last few months. It's so much a process. That's the thing I want you guys to realize. It's not a moment of like, oh, I'm awake to my privilege and now I'm an ally. No, it's a study disentangling, waking up, re-en putting your energy towards good things, to things that actually support others and not just yourself and your own life. The other night I was actually, you know, I was having a moment where I was with Joe and we I've been watching a lot of documentaries, movies, just trying to expand my own personal exposure to other people's experiences, people that don't look like me, people that don't have the privileges I have. And I ended up crying to Joe the other night as I realized, fuck, this is what it feels like to live in a country that doesn't like you and wants to silence you and erase your rights to just live the life you want to live. Like in the last few months, watching what this administration is doing, I have finally been like, oh, that's what it feels like. And y'all, it's terrifying. It doesn't feel good, does it? Those of you that might be white women who are waking up to this for the first time along with me, wow, that fucking sucks. That is what those women, those people have lived with every day of their lives. I really want to put that in perspective and highlight that for those of us waking up to it maybe for the first time. So my power has come from looking at all of the damage these institutions and beliefs were doing to my self-connection, to my self-worth. And most recently, a lot of power has been coming out of looking my privilege in the face and not turning away like I used to. Because here is the real kicker, y'all. The only people who get to look away from politics are the ones who aren't being hurt by them. It is an illusion that is part of privilege to believe. And I really want you all to hear this, okay? It's an illusion that is part of your privilege to believe you get to have personal power and make choices that are right for your life while not caring about other people's rights or even saying you don't want to discuss politics that are directly impacting the rights and abilities of others to make the choices that are right for their lives. And the only people that supports are those who have the privilege in the first place. So going back to that message, that woman who messaged me, right? I mean, just such a poignant, powerful, like, ha fucking example of the political moment we are in and why it matters to women, right? Her message was four months old. And now everything she said in that message wasn't happening, is happening. Project 2025 is happening. No fault divorce is under attack. Women's bodily autonomy is being legislated away. I don't know if you guys have seen, but there's um there's that bill that's like, oh, unless your last name matches your birth certificate, you don't get to vote. Who does that directly target? Women, trans rights, LGBTQ plus protections are leaving, book bans, voter suppression, and that thing I just said. It is all part of the same system. And here is where I want to take you deep. And I really want you to hear this next part. It is all well and good to be inspired by the life that I talk about on this podcast, okay? Which is a life where you can trust yourself and follow your soul calls and do what you want. But it is a whole other thing to actually make that a reality. Okay. And it takes freedoms and rights protected by your government to be able to make those choices. And those who have coached with me one-on-one, they know firsthand that to live this life that I talk about, it requires really deep soul-excavating work. And what I'm talking about is not just telling yourself what you want to hear so that you don't have to feel uncomfortable about your own shit. It is about seeing all parts of yourself: the pretty, the gross, the programmed, the real, the fake, the hidden, and wading into all that messy to decide who you truly want to be and how you want to show up in the world, not because someone told you so, or because an ideology you grow up with makes you feel safe because you don't have to ask questions, but because deep down in your bones, you know who you are, what you want, and are actually honest with yourself about how you feel and what needs to change. So, yes, those of you listening to my podcast that are like, I'm so inspired, this is so amazing. It's speaking to me. That is the work underneath. And feeling uncomfortable when you're hearing about politics ties right into that work, y'all. That is your work to do. If I am saying things that feel uncomfortable, you get to go examine, you get to go dig and unearth. And here's what really blocks most of us. You know, once again, Joe and I were talking the other day and he mentioned that people don't want, I was like, why don't people do this? Why don't they do this work? Why don't they go question? And he's like, because they don't want to experience the discomfort of realizing that maybe the church or the community or the parents they grew up with ultimately told them things that led them to hurt themselves and others. They don't want to grapple with and have to make sense of that. And I just want to say clearly, y'all, and own I've already experienced that death. Like that was my journey with leaving Mormonism and then my marriage, and then watching my entire family of origin explode. I have literally had the foundation I grew up on in my life completely exposed and destroyed. I mean, my sister the other day we were talking about this, and she said, it's like, you know, we had this whole side of the foundation destroyed when we kind of learned about my mom's narcissism and I went through that journey. But we still thought we had this other side that was like, oh, well, my dad, you know, he was codependent, but still a good guy and probably just a victim to my mom, right? And then everything came out about my dad, and it was like the whole other side just detonated underneath our feet. And in fact, I even read a post today about an article where that went like in depth into what it does to a person psychologically to leave Mormonism. And I just have to be real, like honestly, when I first read it, y'all, it was discouraging a bit because I just started realizing how horrifically I was brainwashed by a Christian cult that literally owned me, and that the repercussions of that are massive and ongoing for my life. And with that said, this is my path. You know, I come back once again to the impact I'm having in the world, the way I am living my life now, the way I am with my children, with my partner. Like I couldn't be fucking prouder of myself. Yes, when I was in Mormonism, I got to live in this bubble of certainty of thinking I was chosen and a good person and everyone else needed saving, which is what so many of when I talk about this 53% of white women that voted for Trump, I truly believe that's what they are living in. And I hope in the future to do a podcast episode. I actually just listened to another episode where she was talking about like these patriarchal bargains that women make when the patriarchy says, like, here, give us your bodies and your childbearing and your allegiance, and we'll protect you and keep you safe. And anyways, I might even just link it. She's talking about some woman just recently came forward saying she has had Elon Musk's baby, and she just makes this gorgeous point of like, this woman made a patriarchal bargain. She thought that by being associated with Trump, he was going to protect her and he's leaving her out to dry. That is literally what Mormonism did to me. It said, give me all of your resources, your soul, your energy, your life, your reproductive rights, bearing children, and I will give you back happiness and joy and contentment. And that was not the deal for me because deep down, I was not genuinely happy. I was not living a life that actually made me excited to get up each day. I was not with a partner who knew my soul and loved me deeply because guess what, y'all? I didn't even know my own soul. And I couldn't love myself deeply because I had been trained to love myself conditionally, to cut off and hide all of my dirty, smelly, sexy, confusing human parts and to fake perfection. And these, if you know, this is the women I'm hoping to reach with this episode of saying, yeah, it feels pretty in this weird bubble certainty of like, I think I'm okay. I think this is all right, it looks okay. But deep down, a part of you knows this is not real love. This is not true brotherhood and sisterhood. Love is not. As long as you look like me and do what I do and believe what I believe, then you can have the same rights as me. Then we can be friends. Right? That is the core of so much of what's wrong right now in associating what this administration is doing with God and Christianity. So here's the thing. When some of you say, Britta, just stay in your lane. Just motivate me to make the right decision about my marriage and leave the politics out of it. I'm gonna be real with y'all. And I want you to feel this. If this happens to be you, what you're really asking from me is for me to shrink. Listen to that. You're asking for me to fragment myself, to go back to a life that I have left. Right? And the irony of that is that the truth is the very reason you're drawn to me, the fire, the clarity, the strength you hear in my voice, it comes from that hard, messy, soul-shaking work I've done that made me into somebody who speaks up about what she believes and is political, right? Work that didn't just stop at me deciding whether to leave a marriage. It expanded into understanding the bigger systems that shape us, the invisible forces that tell women to stay small, to stay quiet, and to not rock the boat. And those are forces that I will no longer not speak up against because y'all, you cannot separate your personal empowerment from the political realities around you. Not anymore. And that is why, as I'm making so clear in this episode, I will not be quiet going forward. I want to be an example for you all of what a life like this looks like. And the same courage it takes to say, this marriage isn't right for me. I'm going to do something else, is the courage it takes to look at the world and say, this system isn't right either. And I will not be silent or quiet or look away any longer. Those are the same muscle. It's about choosing freedom, choosing truth, and refusing to settle for anything less for yourself and by extension for others as well. And I want to say, I hope if there's anything you walk away from this episode with so deeply, as I'm coming here to the end, is that you can't separate the two. It's so, let me put it this way. I see, I have compassion for the naivety in that statement of saying, can't you just keep giving me all of this amazing empowerment around leaving my marriage and just not be political? I totally remember when I was in that world too and thought that that was a thing. But you can't separate the two. Because when I talk about your right to choose yourself, to reclaim your power, to make bold, life-changing decisions, like I said at the beginning, that is political. It is so political right now to talk about women getting to make their own choices. And it will become even more political. When I advocate for others to have that same right, that same freedom, no matter, you know, whether they're trans, gay, immigrants, that is me walking my talk. So I want you to reflect back in hearing this whole episode. I want you to take it down deep inside of you. And I want you to understand that if you feel that fire when you listen to me, if you're feeling seen and understood and pushed towards your own truth, it's because I am showing up fully. I am not cutting off the parts of me that care deeply about justice, equity, and freedom for everyone. Cause guys, our your liberation is tied to the liberation of others. That is what those of us with privilege just do not get. And it's so perilous for those of us that are on the edge, right? As white women, previously we've been protected, and so we don't realize, like, no, there are absolutely things, and and we do. The movements for women to have rights, it blows your mind when you actually see those dates and you're like, oh my God, I've talked about this in previous episodes. Like, it was not that long ago, y'all. It was not that long ago that we were not allowed to have our own bank accounts without a man signing. It was not that long ago that we were not allowed to vote. Okay. So remember, other people's rights to live their lives, those rights being taken away directly impact the world that you live in and the future of your own rights. Your liberation is tied to the liberation of others. And if you're going to stand in your power unapologetically, which is what I tell you to do and what you want from me, then I want you to realize you can't ask me or yourself to play small. So, no, y'all, I am not going to play small in any area of my life. And not only am I not going to play small politically, I plan on getting even bigger and continuing to create this podcast and my community as a space for women who want to do this work, not just for themselves, but for the world as well. Because damn, y'all, that is the kind of world that I want to live in. Oof. Y'all, thank you for being here. Thank you for listening, even if it was uncomfortable. I want you to guys to know that yes, I'm speaking out as big as I can from where I'm at in my journey at this point, but I want to be so clear that I still have so much to unlearn and relearn, y'all. I am just a baby in this space of politics. And there are incredible people and organizations out there who have been doing this work for decades. And I'm excited to, in the show notes, I'm going to include some of the accounts I've started following and the documentaries and the movies that I've watched lately that have been really helping me wake up to the experiences of others and our history. And that's the first piece, right? Is becoming aware. It's getting knowledge, it's humanizing the people that you are okay with, you know, their rights being taken away. It's easy when they don't have a face. It's easy when they're dehumanized through cruel names and mocking. Go humanize them. Go use these resources. Go get educated. See it from a different perspective. I just have to close by saying, I think this episode might be one of my absolute favorites. And I know it is one that I am deeply, deeply proud of. And I want to say that if you felt the same in listening to the episode, if you were like, fuck yeah, I do want to make changes. I do, and you know, I want to, I want to speak out more. I want to learn how to be confident enough in myself to say, yeah, I have political views. And no, I'm not changing them to make other people more comfortable. I urge you to stretch yourself some and share this with other women you love who might be on the fence, women who might be feeling confused or uncertain right now, or who are maybe just able to hide from all of this behind their privilege. Women like me, right? Based me previously, who just didn't see what was what was happening and what was coming. I really believe it is time for us to be brave enough to start sharing and talking about this with love and openness and having the uncomfortable conversations with the women in our lives that we love who are where I was just a few years ago. And then as always, as you guys know, yes, this episode was very political, but the reason it's political is because of the heart and soul of what I believe in and teach and why I am a coach, which is helping you in this process of considering divorce. So if you've been listening for a while and you've been like, ah, 90 minute, maybe I want to encourage you to go make it happen. I have been seeing incredible results from the women doing my 90s. A lot of them, it's been beautiful watching. We'll do a 90 minute together and then they'll end up joining the community and it just accelerates their growth. Not only do they have this roadmap coming out of the 90, but then they have this incredible group of women that they get to drop in with and be sharing with. Yeah, last month's uh breath work session in the community was amazing. This month we're gonna be doing work all around desires. I have an incredible friend of mine, um, Ranelle Chapman, that's gonna be hopefully doing a podcast episode with me that y'all are gonna get to enjoy. And then definitely doing a workshop in the community this month around desire and awakening it in our bodies. So beautiful, so much juicy, amazing things happening in this space. And I'm so proud to be creating it with all of you. So till next time. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, hold up, y'all. So that episode was recorded, and I, of course, had some time afterwards and just had this yummy, yummy bit come through here at the end. Because I realized this is a pretty intense episode, especially for those of you that might not be very politically involved at the moment. Maybe you're at the, you know, beginning, um, if not start, of your journey with this. And so I just wanted to pop on real quick and say a couple of things that I think will help you coming off of this episode know where to go next, right? That's what I noticed as I was like, ooh, all this energy has been created, all of this like opening. Now, where do you direct it? So, first off, as I've been taking the time to compile this list, I was going back through my Netflix viewing history, just really seeing what have been some of the videos and the movies I've been watching lately. I was like, holy shit, these are really gorgeous, this is a really gorgeous, beautiful resource. So I think one of the most important pieces to becoming politically active is understanding other people's viewpoints, viewpoints that are not your own. So this is where I'm gonna recommend you go. And these are gorgeous. I just can't like I, as I was uh compiling my list, I'm including this documentary done by Will Farrell called Will and Harper about his friend who is trans. There's an insanely gorgeous, so intelligently done documentary called Stamped from the Beginning that talks about racism. That one just blew my mind. Like, I'm so excited. That one's like at the top of my list. Just other really gorgeous ones What happened, Miss Simone, Outstanding, a comedy revolution, Supreme Models, just go through the list, find what sparks your interest, and watch one of them and notice how your opinion about the people that are being highlighted, about the stories that are being told, how it changes when you get to see through that lens part of their personal experiences. So that was my first piece. The second piece was, you know, in talking about politics, sometimes we think that means listening to the news each day and hearing what's going on. And yes, staying engaged and informed is part of that. But as I've been grappling with this myself over the last few months, as you guys know from that episode that I did about Christian nationalism, I coming off of the election had really stayed away from a lot of the news. Um, as I have gone back in, I have had to really start finding a balance of how much I can be seeing the kind of inflammatory things that come through the news and still be grounded in my body. So I happened to find this clip on Instagram this last week that just nailed it for me. I needed this reminder, and I really wanted to close out this episode by sharing it with you all as well. So it was written by DL Mayfield, and as I went and researched them, I found this amazing website. Like this human is so incredible and is doing all of this work around helping people heal from growing up with religious authoritarian parenting. I mean, come on now. I was like, holy shit, I need to follow this person. But here is what they wrote. So they said, here's my pep talk after studying authoritarianism. First, they never truly expect a long-term resistance movement because they think people are a collection of trauma triggers who are easily controlled through terror. Two, if they can't terrorize you 24-7 in your mind, they have already lost the war. Three, the single best way you can resist fascism is to not let them terrorize you constantly. Protect your mental health to ensure you are not constantly in a terrorized state. Four, keep connecting to who you are at your core, your values, preferences, ethics, and beliefs. Build up capacity to resist. Five, remember they are like abusive parents. They only see us as extensions of them. They have no clue how powerful joy and community and self-expression can be. We can use this to our advantage. We can be the strong-willed child they never saw coming. Spending time connecting to your true self is not selfish in these times. It's intricately connected to a resistance movement that is tied to honoring our bodies, our communities, and to the land. We have to build capacity to resist by being exactly who we are. Ah, y'all. So, yes, after recording that episode, when I found this excerpt from their writings, I was like, oh my goodness, this encapsulates all of this. So many incredible points made here. And really, I have found for myself when I am constantly dysregulated and in a terrorized state, I am less effective. And as I am doing the key part of educating, right, which is that list that I have for you guys, like go hear the stories of those people from themselves or from people connected to those movements. That's really the like connecting to who you are at your core, right? Deciding for yourself what are my values, what are my preferences, what are my ethics and my beliefs. Because for many of us, right, we maybe we've just been programmed with those. So doing the research to figure out what do you believe, and then connecting in deeply to exactly who you are and using your connection out into, you know, the news or in ways that give you what you need to hear without keeping you in a constant state of terror. So for me recently, that has looked like I was in a phase there for a little while where I was like checking Instagram and Facebook every single day. And I could feel, I was like, ooh, this is overheating my system, right? She says we have to build capacity to resist. I wasn't ready to see all of that at once. Since then, you know, I check in less frequently and I'm focusing more on what I can do in my exact sphere of influence, right? So this looks like to me having conversations with my children, watching these kinds of documentaries and movies with them, uh, sharing on my podcast, speaking up when I see friends or family that are posting things or talking about things that I don't agree with, you know, leaving that comment on Facebook, responding to that text. So just know, okay, take a deep breath with me that this is a process. It is a building of capacity. And I really do think, like she says, one of the most important parts is being able to not be constantly terrorized in your body to regulate, to find those spaces of safety, the community, the places you feel powerful. I'm super honored to be part of that, right? Creating my own community and my own space. I encourage you to find those spaces as well. Um, if you can't find them physically, find them digitally. What a gift that we have that, and be connecting in with people who are also aligned with your beliefs, your values with the world you're wanting to create. Okay, y'all. Go get go get some education. Go go click on some links.