Welcome to the Stay or Go podcast, where we're changing the dialogue around divorce so that no woman ever stays in her marriage out of fear. Get ready to dispel myths, learn life-changing tools, and build a solid foundation in yourself from which to make your decision. And now your host, me, Britta Joe. Alright. Hello, hello, everybody. I'm so excited to be back with y'all. As some of you might have noticed, I did not drop an episode last week. And actually, I did write up an episode, but that episode is actually not going to be dropping until next week. And that's because it needed, it just needed a couple weeks to percolate. Like, holy shit, y'all, have I had so much going on inside me, in my brain, in my heart these last few weeks. So yeah, it just wasn't time for that to be birthed. Um, it needed a little bit more behind the scenes. So I wanted to start off this episode, you know, just kind of mentioning where I was at last week. I was still thinking and sending all of you love. Those of you that get on 90 minutes with me, tell me how much it means to you to have an episode coming out every week. So I just want to acknowledge I was thinking about all y'all. I was creating some stuff. Just needed to simmer, just needed to simmer a little bit longer. But today's episode, I'm hoping, is gonna be it's gonna be shorter. It's gonna be really impactful. And it came out of a 90-minute session I had this last week. An incredible woman was on that call who, after we, you know, kind of were coming to the end of those 90 minutes, I could feel her like, okay, well, how do I change? What do I do? That that kind of frantic, like, I get it intellectually, but how do I actually make the changes? And that really took me into dropping back into one of my favorite books. I don't think I've talked to you about it on the podcast yet. Um, a book by Don Miguel Ruiz called The Voice of Knowledge. And I'm really gonna dive into like a surface level. You guys have to definitely go read this on your own, but highlighting in this book how he shows really, he ends up speaking to the heart of what I learned in coach training. Like it's so beautiful to see the tools that I use as a coach expressed in so many other mediums, in other books. And especially in this book, does he make it really clear? But before we do that, I do want to take a second at the beginning of this episode to come back kind of where I started, which is giving you all this heads up, um, this really like I want to be vulnerable and I want to be authentic with you guys, that the episode that's gonna be coming next week on Tuesday, March 4th, will be an episode from me that is in support of the protests that are happening in the U.S. that day. Those are gonna be protests I will be attending. And I'm gonna be sharing with you all a special episode explaining my own political journey and what it means to me. And this episode, this is what I was writing this last week. It was spurred on by a message I got from a listener to the podcast asking me to be less political. And I am so grateful she messaged me. I'm so glad she said what she did because it really gave me an opportunity to reflect for myself on who I want to be, how I want to use my platform, what I mean, you guys know I'm constantly being very transparent with y'all about my own personal journeys and what that looks like. So I really hope this is this is me kind of prepping this episode for y'all. I want to say first off that if you are a huge, massive Trump supporter, and if you're in support of him posting like long live the king with that image that the White House created for him of him wearing a crown, um, then just gonna be real. I'm not really sure why you're here. Because I want to make it very clear to y'all that what I teach, what I am talking about on this podcast, it is about freedom. That is the heart of it. It is about women and our rights to get to trust ourselves and to make choices that feel good for us in our bodies. And that is not what the current administration is in support of. So if you are a huge Trump fan, it's okay. I I wish you well. I hope you find what you're looking for, but I don't want you to continue listening to this episode thinking that what I'm teaching isn't political. Because it absolutely is. And this is the second and like even more important message that I want to say at the beginning of this is to say, if though you are not in that camp and you are actually someone that right now, maybe you're not super political. Maybe you're like I was just seven, you know, I mean, God, three to three plus years back, where I didn't really know what I believed. All I knew was like, oh, I just I'm kind of feeling uncertain. Like you might be feeling uncertain right now. You may not really know what's happening. You may not necessarily like what you're seeing, but maybe it's not impacting you directly. So there's not, you don't feel like there's a reason for you to really get involved. If that is you, this episode is a hundred percent for you. And this episode is especially for those of my listeners that are in the US that are listening that are white women and unsure of where you stand right now. Please consider listening to this episode. If you've listened to all my previous podcasts before, you know me. Like you know a lot. I let who I am be really fully seen on this podcast. And so many have told me how much that means to you, how inspiring it is for you. So I'm asking in return that you maybe stretch yourself a little and consider listening to this episode. Because 53% of white women voted for Trump. And I didn't this time around, but guess what, y'all? I did way back in 2016 during his first presidency. And that may blow so many of your minds, but that's like the heart of this episode is me getting to share. Like, I understand the mentality. I know where I was at back then. I know what I had been raised in. I know what I had been taught versus now and the journey I've been on now. And I feel a deep responsibility. I actually watched an Instagram post this couple weeks ago from an incredible black woman. I'll actually be linking that exact post in the episode next week, where she was basically just saying, like calling out white women and saying, if you care, then you need to be educating your other white sisters. And I took it to heart. I really did. And I think I have a very unique perspective on the political, the way I have politically evolved, the way I have changed my views and the way I've become more politically active. And I think I'm able to do it in a way that, you know, like I said, if you're listening to this podcast and you have been for a while, we have a rapport with each other. You know that I love you and I want you to have what you want most in your life. And I know that to do that, you have to have certain freedoms that are now currently under attack. So if you are feeling uncertain, if you are one of those people who maybe has the privilege of just like checking out because this stuff isn't affecting you right now, I really ask you to listen to this episode next week. And, you know, I'm going to post in the show notes of this episode. I found a couple incredible videos posted by a guy named Ezra, I'm gonna, his last name's spacing right now, that I felt just gave so much good, clear information and not so much of the inflammatory. I struggle as well. That's why I think most of us don't like talking about politics, is it's so inflammatory. It's hard to live with that energy like constantly in your life. Trust me, this last month. I've been like, woo, trying to navigate all of that. But he provides really, really just I was like, oh fuck, there it is. He explains so clearly what's been happening this last month. So I really would appreciate those of you that, you know, care about this relationship that y'all and I have, that care about what's happening. If you live here in the USA, to give those videos a listen in preparation for um that episode. And so obviously, if you're listening to this podcast, my podcast is for women. And as women, we experience discrimination just by the reality of being a woman. But I want to specifically give a shout out to any of my listeners that are black or trans or gay or Hispanic or in any of these additional groups that experience marginalization and discrimination above and beyond. Not only are you a woman, but you experience it in these other areas as well. And I just have to say, I respect and admire and honor all that you have done, all of the struggles that go unseen in your life that you have been through and that you have faced with the additional disadvantages that our world places on you. Um I just want you to like, oof, I'm sending so much extra love and support right now. It's headed your way. Also, to all of my non-US listeners, because I know there are lots of you out there as well. I just want to say, and hopefully be a voice echoing across the world to all of you to say, no, that there are many of us here in the US that disagree with the actions of our president, and especially when it comes to Ukraine and the comments that JD Vance made in Germany. I know so, so many people in this country that do not agree with those opinions and do not feel like we are being represented by our president at the moment. Okay, y'all. With that beautiful bit said, God, it makes me feel so good to share some of those really like big, important parts of my life and what's going on right now in the world as well. Um, I want to dive in with you guys to this beautiful book that explains the dream that we are living in. So the core idea of The Voice of Knowledge by Don Miguel is this idea that what if the life you're living right now isn't actually your dream, a dream that you picked, but someone else's programming. So let that kind of sink in. Let that question percolate for a second. What if that life that you're questioning right now, right? Because if you found my podcast, it means you're considering divorce. So there's a part of you that's like, this is not working, this is not the life I want. What if that life isn't actually your dream but someone else's programming? So in the book, and I'm gonna say it again, highly recommend getting it and reading it because he goes much deeper into all of this. But the premise of this book, and even it being called the voice of knowledge, is Ruiz's belief that our lives are like dreams that are shaped by the thoughts we choose to believe. And that contrary to what most of us grow up thinking, right, like you have freedom, you have your, you, you have the ability to make your own choices, you get to create the life of your dreams, you can do that, not necessarily easily, but I think a lot of us think we have free will and that we can make things happen in our lives, or that the lives we have created were built out of us consciously knowing what we were doing. When what I truly believe, and what Don Miguel Ruiz posits is that from birth we are handed scripts from our families, from our religion, from our culture, from all sorts of spaces, from our media that shape how we see ourselves and the world. And it is like we are given this script before we even know how to read it. So, one of the biggest principles that I want you guys to take away from today's episode is that you were given a script before you even got to choose if you liked the script or not. So, unlike an actress, like reading a script and deciding if she wants to apply for the part, you just got hired. You just got handed a script. There was no consensual, like checking in, do you like this? Do you want to do this? Is this what you want? No, you just got given a script. And for many of us, I mean, you guys know from my story, that is a hundred percent what my life was. I was handed a script by Mormonism. I was told who I needed to be, I became that person, I lived out that life. And it wasn't until my late 30s that I woke up to like, holy shit, I'm really depressed and very unhappy. And I thought the problem was me. It must be because I'm not playing the part well enough that I got lucky and had a therapist who helped me see, wait a second, I think it's just this is not the role I want to play. This is not the script. And oh, I can go play a different role. I can literally opt out. I can choose to say, this is not my life. I don't want this life. I get to create something different. So I'm kind of popping ahead. I want to read a quote for you from Don McGuill's book. If you have the book, you can follow along. It's on page 104. He says, I can assure you that none of us ever has had an original idea. Every letter, every word, every concept in your belief system is part of the program. And that program is contaminated with a virus called lies. So this is a big piece of the core of this book is his, and I love the way he paints this picture for us, right? Um, the idea that you are not in your own dream. You are in a dream that is being run by someone else's programming that has been implanted into you. And that may be why right now y'all are kind of going, wait a second, slow, slow the roll. This doesn't feel like the life I actually wanted. I'm not so sure what's actually going on here. Can someone help me? Why am I so fucking unhappy? Now he goes on to say, there's no need to judge the program as good or bad or right or wrong. Even if we don't like the program, nobody is guilty for sharing it with us. It's just the way it is. And it's wonderful because we use the program to create our stories. But who is actually running our life? The program. The program has a voice and it's lying to us all the time. One of the most important parts that skills that I developed as a coach is this ability right there to not necessarily judge the program as being good, bad, or right or wrong. That's why when you guys get on 90-minute calls with me, it feels so fucking good to talk to me and to tell me your whole life because I'm not here to judge it. I don't see it as good or bad or right or wrong. I get to be a kind of unbiased, neutral space to just help you see, yeah, here's the programming. Here's all the beliefs that you've been taught that are getting you this current result. And doesn't mean those are good or bad beliefs, but it is the things that are getting you what you currently have in your life. And if you don't like what you currently have in your life, that's where we have to go to change it. And I appreciate that in the book, you know, I mean, the title of the book is called The Voice of Knowledge. And he does use kind of, um, not kind of, he uses a spiritual religious framework for talking about this. Um, and specifically like the Adam and Eve story. I'd have to go back and, you know, dive deeply into all of that with y'all. But this idea that the programming inside of you is not how would I describe this? It's not necessarily for you. That's what he's saying when he's like, who's running your life? A program. And that program can be telling you lies. For those of you like hearing this for the first time, that have never maybe heard even this concept, this idea that, oh, I may not actually be living my life. I might actually just be acting out a program that was built into me that told me who to be and what would make me happy. And um, actually, that program might be filled with lies that actually aren't true for me. And this can absolutely be so importantly related to where you all are right now with marriage and considering divorce. Because if you will just pause for a second and look back on your own journey in your marriage, how often were you making decisions that genuinely felt like they were made from a space of you knowing you, you knowing what you deep down wanted most, knowing what you deserve, knowing what matters most to you? How much in those choices were you just following those inherited ideas of what success or failure looks like? I want you to take a second to look back on those key moments when you made those decisions and think, was I making that decision from a space of truly knowing myself? I mean, so many of us, right, got married young. I am not the person I got married and I had just turned 19. I am now 36 and not even close to the woman I was back then. So looking back and going, who was I really at that time? Did I really know what I wanted? Or was I making a choice because I'd been told it's what I should want? Right? If that's the case, there's the programming right there. Okay. That's the moment where it's like, I thought I wanted this, but looking back, I can see how at that time in my life, I actually truly didn't necessarily know me or what I wanted, as much as I knew what my culture wanted from me, what my religion expected of me, what my parents believed I should do. And I had so little of myself developed at that time that I made choices based off of those entities, those people, those organizations and what they wanted for me versus a true deep inner knowing for myself. This is so huge. Can you guys see how important it is to know whether this is the case for you if you're gonna make the decision now on whether you want to stay or not? So coming to that piece, now that we know we've got the programming, hopefully you guys are seeing more clearly. You've got this programming in you. Uh, this is why so many of us, I you know, a lot of you get on calls and you're like, um, you know, I always said I was never gonna have my parents' marriage and now I do. I'm like, yeah, welcome to programming. That's what programming does. Now we know though, that there is this potential in the book, he explains, for your programming to be infected with lies. And I love that he calls them lies because I think of lies as any kind of thought or belief that we have that causes us to act against ourselves, that causes us to harm ourselves in the acting out of that belief or that thought. And I want to dive in with you guys into some of the lies that I was taught and some that I think you guys will relate to being taught as well. So let's explore the concept of what implanted lies, which when I'm saying implanted lies, I'm really just talking about beliefs that feel like truth to us that actually came from outside us. They were not internally chosen as much as they were externally implanted. I want to explore the concept of how these lies affect our life. So a big one that I was raised with that I hear a lot from many of you is good women sacrifice for their families.
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SPEAKER_00Uh for sure. I am still working on deprogramming this belief, this belief that what's good for me hurts others, that I need to give up myself to truly be there in the ways I should most be as a mother or as a partner, and especially as a wife, right? My personal interests all were on the back burner. It was really, you know, furthering my husband's career and making sure that my kids grew up well. So ding ding ding, y'all. This is not actually a truth with a capital T. This is programming. This is, and for me, this is a lie. And I'll talk in a little bit more about how you can tell whether that programming, you know, whether it's a lie or whether it's a truth. But for me, I've done the work to know this is a lie. And I know it's a lie because when I believe this, it leads me to a life that causes me to act against myself, that causes me to make choices that actually hurt me, that lead me into less connection, less love, more pain, more depression, more of all the things that make my life less of what I want it most to be. So that's just one of those implanted lies. Here's another one. Divorce means you failed. I suspect like 99% of you probably have this one because you're here struggling with the very, like so many of you talk about having the shame and guilt at even considering divorce. Coming from my Mormon background, absolutely divorce was villainized, shamed. It was the worst thing you could do. It was breaking up families, it was destroying um, you know, connection and love without any real education around like just because people are married doesn't mean there's actually love and connection there. And a lot of shaming anybody who got divorced without the, you know, the gray in between of realizing just because you didn't get divorced doesn't mean you fall off the edge of the planet and everything goes south, right? So notice too. Often I will notice when I've got something that's a lie that's been implanted in me, it's very black and white. It doesn't allow for nuance, it doesn't allow for me to see the different pieces of the story or the different variations that could be possible because I'm me, I'm not somebody else. And you know, whoever I'm with is also them. And those factors make a very unique, one-of-a-kind combination that can't just have a blanket statement of divorce is bad, be placed on it. So notice if you also may have this implanted lie that if you get divorced, it means you failed in you. Another one I've seen is staying married is better for the kids no matter what. Um yeah, this one, this one is also probably like top five of implanted lies that you all bring me that I see in your programming that are fucking you over because that lie then causes you to not see clearly or be able to sort clearly in through yourself, like your internal landscape. It shuts down all these possibilities, right? Then all we no longer have any choice outside of staying married. Well, if you love your kids and staying married is the better best thing for your kids, no matter what, you need to stay married. So that's another key aspect of seeing the programming is when you feel trapped, when you feel like you have no options, no choices, that is not actually reality, especially if you are adult, an adult living in a country, you know, I'm here in the United States. Right now, I have a lot of freedoms. Who knows where that's gonna end up in the future? But I was living, you know, back when I was considering getting divorced, I was living in an artificial reality created by my programming that made it seem like I didn't have that many options. Um, I can look back now and see, like, wow, I had so many options. Like, not only could I get divorced, but I could do a million choices from that decision. And I could do a million choices from each of those decisions. But when you are heavily programmed, you see things very black and white, yes or no, there's only this or that. And that really, really creates such a collapsing of possibility in your life. That's why so many of you who get on the 90 minutes with me when I say, show me your future, tell me what you want most, is like crickets. Because you you've only seen these narrow routes to happiness. And I know as a coach, that's not actually reality. Being an adult in America, with, you know, as a woman with the freedoms that we we currently have, you can get divorced. You can go start a new career, you can go completely change your life. I've done it, y'all. That is my life. So then what's happening here? It's your programming. So I want you guys to all take a moment to reflect and check in with yourself on which of your core beliefs about marriage, about divorce, about what's gonna happen to your kids are actually yours and which were handed to you, which were given you by, you know, a best friend whose divorce went poorly, by your mother who never left your abusive father, by your patriarchal religion that tells you women's biggest and highest role is to be a wife and mother. Like wherever it is, this is the work, ladies. This is the work of finding your beliefs and identifying the source that they came from. Now, if I'm showing you the programming, we're seeing that we've got this operating system inside of us that absolutely can be infected with lies. And by lies, those are those are thoughts and beliefs that actually cause us to act against what would be best for us, against our highest and best good. So, how do we know which are the lies and which are the truth? I'm gonna bring you back to page 104 in The Voice of Knowledge. And this is what Don Miguel Ruiz says. He says, How can we know what the truth is when almost everything we have learned is a lie? How can we recognize what is real in us? Well, it took some time for me to find out, but I found out. And it's that our emotions are real. Every emotion that we feel is real. It is truth. It is. I discovered that every emotion comes directly from our spirit, from our integrity. It is completely authentic. Y'all, when I read this, I'm like, I just get so excited because in listening to the podcast, you guys know I emphasize over and over the importance of feeling, processing emotion, getting back in touch with your body, learning to trust your body again, that your body is the most incredible and amazing litmus test for what is true for you and what is not. And by far, that is what I have relied on the most in the last five years coming out of my divorce, in how I make decisions on what I you guys know, what I talk about on the podcast, how I coach my clients. So much of that is based off of that internal intuitive connection I have with my body. And, you know, if I think back even, this was what got me through making that decision. And ultimately, you know, for me, I decided to get divorced. It was so much because my body wouldn't be quiet. My body, when I would try to go back, my body was like, fuck, no, we are not doing that. We cannot do that. I the storm inside my body would get so loud that I couldn't ignore it anymore. And that was really how I learned, oh, when I can feel it doesn't mean it's not still scary, y'all, to follow those soul calls, but when I can feel that inner knowing, that's my signal that that's my truth. And I've said it before on the podcast, this is really the only guarantee I think we have in this world right now of what is actually truth, because so many people out there sharing thoughts, ideas, theories on what you need to do with your life, they have their own agendas, they want their own things. And many of them want it from you. You know, my religion wanted me to stay in that religion and keep paying my tithing and keep giving all of my energy to their organization. That wasn't truly about what was best for me. That was me being a part of their machine. So coming back into connection with your body, why do I emphasize it so much? Because this is where you start doing the sifting and the sorting. This is where you start, you know, you find one of those things that you think is an implanted lie, okay? One of those beliefs, you know, good women sacrifice for their families. And you put that on the table. This is literally what we're doing in coaching, okay? When I'm coaching my clients, we're finding those beliefs, we're taking them out, we're setting them on the table in front of the two of us. And we are working together to sort and sift, to check in, to process, to see where this came from, um, to check in with how it feels in their body. And then if it is not their truth, to dismantle it. I mean, if I really had to describe like what coaching is, is it's dismantling old lies and beliefs that have been implanted in you through your programming that are getting you a life you don't want. And through dismantling those, it's then replacing and choosing intentionally what you want instead. And that's the next piece that I want to take you into that Don Miguel talks about in the book, which is becoming the creator of your dream. And this, y'all, this is the like, this is the heart of what fucking lights me up about coaching is that this is the pivot. This is when you get to edit the script. You get to take back the script, you get to become the main character of your story, and you get to decide what you want instead. So I want to take you to page 126. Okay, and he's going to explain. Yes, beautiful. So we first he's gonna explain like why it's so hard to change. And I and I think this is just a key point, as you know, going back to that amazing woman I met on a call last week who was like, but how do I change it? Let me break it down for y'all. So he says, the structure is what really controls the dream of our life because our faith lives in that structure. Our faith is not in the voice of our story and it's not in our reasoning mind. Just because we say, I will succeed, doesn't mean that our faith follows those words. No, there may be another belief that is stronger and deeper. And that belief is telling us, you will not succeed. And that is what happens. It doesn't matter what we do, we fail. That's why you cannot change yourself just by wishing to change. No, you need to really challenge what you believe you are, especially the beliefs that limit the expression of your life. You need to challenge every belief that you use to judge yourself, to reject yourself, to make yourself little. Ah, can I just like fuck? Yeah, Don Miguel Ruiz. I hear you. This is when you guys want to know, how do you actually, you know, I intellectually get it. I intellectually understand certain pieces. Where does the rubber actually hit the road? Where do you actually start making the changes? It is this piece. It is when you go in and you start with awareness, seeing the beliefs that are controlling your life, and you get brave enough to feel through those. And that is scary work, y'all, because you know what that entails? That entails having to realize that perhaps parents or religion or culture told you things that, you know, said they loved you, said they cared about you, and then told you things about yourself that actually hurt you. Like, oof, right? This is when when we talk about waking up, when we are waking up to what has actually happened in our life for so many of us as women, you know, I think, I don't think, I know that culturally as women, we have through millennia had our what I consider a universe-given, God-given right, human right to make decisions that are good for our for us, to be able to live a life that is chosen and created by us, stolen from us at birth. That was my experience. I was brainwashed from the very beginning. I never had a chance to pick what I wanted to believe until I got older, realized, and learned this piece. This is what I was taught in coaching, the power of understanding that your thoughts and your beliefs create your reality, and that if you want, you can go in, dismantle those old thoughts and beliefs that are currently trapping you in a life that does not actually serve you, and you can recreate the dream of your life in the way you want to. So I want you guys to start questioning your thoughts even more. I mean, I know, I hope this is what's been coming through on the podcast, but I wanted to re-emphasize it because y'all thoughts that bring you fear, guilt, shame, you know, that as he describes, beliefs that make you judge yourself, reject yourself, or make yourself little, I want you to question whose voice is this thought really coming from? I want you to ask yourself, if I didn't believe this thought, how would I actually feel right now? And in fact, as I'm saying these, I'm like, these would be great journaling questions, like a hundred percent. Y'all go do this work. If you're looking for things that will actually make a difference, that will start shifting things for you. This is it. And then the final question that I want you guys to consider would be what would my dream life look like if I was the sole creator? And I actually did that exercise this week. It took some time writing down what is the life I want to live? What do I want to believe about myself? If I got to choose whatever I wanted to believe, what would I believe about my life and myself? And I do want to share it with you guys because, you know, this is part of the work. It has to be sorting through and deciding for yourself what am I gonna believe about myself? And so much of us, you know, we uh we just we sp we spend so much time in like the external stuff, right? You know, getting the job, getting the the marriage, getting the house, getting the kids. We never really take the time to decide what am I going to believe about myself? What am I going to believe about my life? So just to give you guys like some ideas, some framework, somebody else's vision of what they want for their life. What if I was the sole creator of my life, what would my life look like? This is what it is for me. Living my dream life, being me, being authentic, looks like following flow each day, trusting where my body and heart want to go and what they want to focus on and do. It looks like creating when I feel inspired to and resting, cleaning, playing, pleasuring, working, et cetera, when I feel inspired to. It's living from a heart and body-centered space rather than mind-driven. It looks like creating big and beautiful things when that wave comes in and not stressing when there isn't one. It looks like not living on a strict schedule and remaining flexible and open to where life takes me, finding awe and surprise and wonder around every corner because I know I am taken care of and safe. And so I get to just play and enjoy this existence with appreciation and dedication to where I feel called. My life looks like letting go of external pressure and standards of success, staying true to my internal compass and being in integrity with my inner knowings and standards, not stressing about money and instead sharing and receiving it freely with a wide open heart and celebration of it. Speaking up loudly and passionately for what I believe in, spreading hope and faith and love by my very existence and the creations I put out into the world, loving the people in my life so fucking deeply and treating them with intense care and love rather than seeing them as problems to be fixed, helping them achieve and experience their own lives lived powerfully as themselves and trusting themselves, supporting and being a resource of energetic and financial abundance for those I love most, and being a conduit for flow and the incredible energy of the universe. I am the solution. I am worthy of this life. It is my gift and my calling in this lifetime to live in this way. Fuck. Yeah, y'all. That what you're hearing in that, I'm gonna call it like a manifesto, that is like my manifesto for my life, the dream life I want to create as me being the sole creator. That comes out of all of the, just to put this in perspective, okay. If you track my journey over the last seven years, it has been this process of like so much dying in the beginning, so much having to die, so much clearing out and dismantling of the Mormon beliefs, the religious conditioning, the cultural conditioning, the familial conditioning to get to this point where I now get to edit the script. I now get to, I mean, it really was like firing myself from so many roles that other people had put me into, you know, the role of the perfect Mormon daughter, the role of the perfect Mormon wife, the role of the perfect Mormon mother, and saying, cancel, cancel, cancel. Uh, I, these are not the roles I want to play. And going through all of the emotional processing and releasing of that. And steadily now in this next piece of that journey. I mean, it's really, it's all intertwined. Okay. It's like I'm dismantling while I'm building at the same time, but I'm definitely now in much more of a building space, right? Um, and I want to show this quote from page 127 that I think really encapsulates this, where he says, So, yes, it is possible to change what we believe, to recreate the dream of our life, but first we need to free our faith. And there is only one way. To free our faith. And that way is through truth. The truth is our sword, and it's the only weapon we have against the lies. Nothing but the truth can free the faith that is trapped in the structure of our lies. Truth for me, where it was found, was in my soul calls, my inner knowings. You guys know I talk about those all the time on the podcast. That was what released my faith from the lies. And I found those soul calls and those inner knowings in my body, in learning to trust what my body was saying, in learning to come back to it and to let it be my first and foremost guide instead of external voices of authority. Now, of course, I mean, as you guys are listening to this, I really want to tie this back in to your divorce decision. Because if if you're listening, you I'm hoping you're putting together how important this process is. I mean, it's absolutely crucial for you to understand this piece of the programming that you're dealing with, that it may be infected with lies that actually aren't here to serve you, but to serve something outside of you. And that you may be feeling trapped because you're living a dream that was built on inherited rules, on programming given you that is not actually your authentic truth. And I really want you to feel hopefully empowered by this episode to sort through what your truth is versus what has been programmed into you. Because you can't really make a decision about whether you want to get division. I mean, you can. Let me plenty of people do it every day. They make decisions about whether they want to get divorced without doing this work. But that's not what I'm passionate about. I am passionate about the amount of work that goes into everything you do before you make this decision. All of the considering, all of the processing, the thinking about, the dissecting, the understanding that really ultimately makes it so that you can make a decision that feels truly good for you, that uh allows you to explore all of the options. I mean, a big piece often with many of my clients that I work with one-on-one that comes out before they ever end up making that decision is in being in clearing out the old beliefs, the programmed lies, and starting to realize what you really think and feel about yourself, you start to show up differently and you start to, you know, have conversations in your marriage that you've maybe never had before. Try things that you haven't before, and you get to see if your partner is willing to also examine their own programming, their own lies. And some of you get the chance from there to create that dream together. I've seen it. And for the rest of us that have partners who are like, fuck no, my programming's fine. This is working great for me. You get to take back all of that faith that is invested in the lies that may be trapping you into giving all of your precious energy, light, existence to fueling other people's dreams and not your own. So, my takeaway from this episode for you all is to realize you are not stuck in someone else's dream. You really are the author now. This is the heart and soul of the voice of knowledge. Like I said, go read the book, is that you can step away from the programming. You can let go of the lies, because that's the other really beautiful thing. As a coach, now that I've, you know, I know I've worked so much with understanding like how much the things we think are truth, the things that we believe are really just thoughts. They're just words people said that we have made in through our investing in them with our faith, through believing that they're true, we have made them true. And we can at any point question them and go, you know what? That's not true for me anymore. And Don Miguel, I love this quote that he says that really ties it all together. He says, The only way to end the war with yourself is to stop believing in lies. So what I see in so many of you when you get on these calls with me is you are at war with yourselves because something down deep in your body is saying, This doesn't feel good. This isn't my dream. And you are that war that's being waged in you right now is your soul calls versus the programming telling you, no, it's stay. It's good enough. It should be fine. You should be okay. It's not a problem. Don't rock the boat. Divorce is awful. It will be so much worse if you leave. The grass isn't greener, right? There's the programming. And it doesn't mean that, you know, going's gonna be the choice for you. I don't know what your choice is gonna be, but I want you to wake up to the programming, to go look and start questioning what's actually running your life here. So my final closing reflection for y'all is what's one belief that you're ready to question today, that you're ready to trace its roots back to where it came from, who gave it to you, and if they actually have a life that you want. And if not, then you get to embark on this journey that I teach in coaching that Don Miguel Ruiz talks about in this book of dismantling and clearing out those lives and replacing them with your truth. Because when we I truly believe this that when we live from our truth, our soul calls, our inner knowings, our lives blossom. Our cup overflows. And not only do we thrive, but the people we love most thrive as well. I've seen it in my own life. I've seen it in lots of my clients. That is the magic of coaching, that is the magic of managing your brain, that is the magic of taking back your right to create your own story. Okay, y'all. Definitely a shorter episode than I normally do. Maybe, maybe a little bit, y'all. I'm trying to give you a little bit of, you know, tinier morsels on these episodes to be able to digest more easily. Just have to say, you know, I want to encourage if you know somebody, a woman in your life that you think is in that space right now, right? She is in a war with herself where she may be believing lies. I ask you to pass this episode along to her. Be like, hey, this might be what's happening. If she, if you know someone that's feeling stuck in their life and doesn't feel like it's theirs, but and we all know this, right? If you're a woman, you know a woman out there who is currently like, fuck, what is going on? Why am I not happy? Why is this not the fit? And they have no idea about this programming. Share this episode with them. Um, and also, as always, y'all, if you're feeling called, go subscribe, go rate the podcast. I just appreciate every bit of you guys sharing. You know, I take so personally the responsibility in waking up myself to what had happened to me and now creating a life that's very different. I want as much as possible to be a voice sharing with other women that it doesn't have to stay that way. That if you feel trapped, if you feel at war with yourself, there's way more going on here than just, oh, I'm crazy or there's something wrong with me or I'm broken. I know we all have those terrible beliefs implanted in us, but it's not true. And yeah, I hope through this episode you got to see that more. You got to drop in and got to understand it. All right, my dears. Oof. I will see you on that amazing episode next week. Till then, go watch the videos. See you soon.