Welcome to the Stay or Go podcast, where we're changing the dialogue around divorce so that no woman ever stays in her marriage out of fear. Get ready to dispel myths, learn life-changing tools, and build a solid foundation in yourself from which to make your decision. And now your host, me, Britta Joe. Alright, y'all. So a little bit of a time trip for all of you. Um for those of you that have listened to that first episode and are now listening to the second one. Um these episodes were recorded over a year and a half apart from each other. And that was never planned by me. Um, but I think it's really special that this is how my podcast is gonna start because um it represents my life and what it's like to be human and really the amount of uh things I've been through over the last five years. So it feels actually very fitting. So to just explain, um, a year and a half ago, I got excited about this podcast and started taking a course and managed to record that very first introduction episode. And then I went into one of the biggest uh growth periods of my life, which, like I said, I've really been in that for the last five years, but I think I thought I was coming out of that, and then boy, we just went back in. Um so when I got back around to the podcast this year and listened to that first introduction, originally I was gonna scrap it, but as I heard my voice and I thought back to the woman that I was just last year, um, I felt a deep sense of gratitude for her and also a a depth of knowledge and like strength of knowing what she was about to go through. So I ultimately decided to keep that episode and to leave it as my first one because she really was the one that started things off, and now this is the me that is continuing, picking up where we left off. So, since that first episode, um, there are a lot of things that have changed. Um and I just before I start jumping into sharing all of the information that I have and all of the beautiful things that I cannot wait to talk about and share on this podcast. Um, so many things that I've learned over the last two years of coaching and getting to work with lots of my incredible clients while they consider divorce. Um, I felt that I needed to take some time first to really catch myself up and you guys up to what's happened over that past year and a half. Um, one of the biggest things that changed and that I wanted to acknowledge coming off of that first episode was that my best friend, who I mentioned in that episode, Kelly, um, we went through an experience last summer that changed things for us and we ultimately ended up parting ways. And listening back to that episode, hearing, you know, how I spoke about her, just brought back so much love for her and so much gratitude. Um, even though I won't be having her on the podcast, I really wanted to take a second to acknowledge how important having that, even if it's just one person um that can be there for you while you're going through considering divorce. And Kelly was that person for me. Uh, she was huge, huge for loving me and seeing me and understanding me, supporting me, being that friend that was just always there for me for those six years that um we were friends. And I know without a doubt, I would not be where I am today without her and the huge gift she gave me of getting to be my best friend for those years. So um, even though we're no longer close, it it was something that I wanted to acknowledge um and really mention. And I often advise my clients, I like to tell them, you really only need like one to two people who can really be there for you while you're going through this process. I had Kelly and then I also had my therapist when I went through my divorce three years ago. And those two people were really the only people who knew everything that was going on for me. Um, but with their support, I was able to do it. So I wanted to acknowledge first off, um, I won't be having her on the podcast, but I still love her and I wish her all of the best in all of her adventures as well. Uh, she was the one that introduced me to coaching and just so, so grateful for her. Um another huge thing that happened since that last episode was the Supreme Court denying women body autonomy. And I have felt this so strongly. Um, being now a single woman who does not want to have more kids, uh, this has been a huge deal for me and something that I'm really passionate about. And um coming from a very conservative background, um, especially religiously, this was something that growing up I felt very differently about. And now that I have grown up and experienced um just personal things that I've gone through, I deeply believe that every woman should have the right to decide what happens to her body and ultimately if she wants to have a child or not. Um, that is such a private human choice that I personally think would not be in question if men had to also bear children. Um, and I also, you know, this is gonna be something I'm gonna talk about on the podcast, that child abuse is one of the least talked-about realities in our society today. And having come from a family with hidden abuse, I believe that far fewer people should be having and raising children that they are unprepared to take care of. So having the government take away a woman's right to make that decision is unacceptable. And I sincerely hope that more women will speak out and up for this, and I want to be one of those women. One of the other things that happened this uh last year that was hugely impactful on my life, my family's life, um, my siblings, is I dealt with some severe trauma in my family of origin. Um, my mom passed away from cancer last March, uh, soon after actually I had recorded that first episode. And just before her passing, information about my dad came to light that really over the next year, as I processed it, destroyed everything I thought I knew about him. Um, along with that process, I had a repressed memory resurface about childhood sexual abuse that culminated in me making a statement at his sentencing just, gosh, it's October 20th. So just one month ago, um, in September, along with other members of my family. And my dad was sentenced to prison for 15 years. So I have lots that I'm gonna want to talk about in the future that I never would have brought up, you know, a year and a half ago with that first episode concerning repressed memories and healing from our own childhood abuse. And I think this is a topic that unfortunately our society likes to it's so hard to hear about it that many of us just pretend like it's not happening. So I feel like the more that we talk about what happens in our families, especially behind closed doors, even when they look really beautiful on the outside, uh, the more it makes it not so stigmatized, I guess, to admit that things happened to you in your own family. Another thing that happened this year that's been new. Um I had worked with a therapist for a couple years before I got divorced for two and a half years, actually. And then when my divorce was finalized, I went straight into coaching. So um I stopped doing therapy and I went into coach training, then became a coach, and I've pretty much had a personal coach since that point that I meet with weekly. Uh, but with all of this coming up involving my family and then especially childhood trauma, at the beginning of this year, I admitted to myself that I was struggling more than I had thought. Um, there were some moments where just the pain was crushing. And I was really proud of myself that I knew right where to go, which was back to therapy. Um, therapy has been so helpful for me being able to process to have somebody hold space for holding, um holding me while I feel deep, painful things from childhood that just need to come up. So one of the things that's happened this year is earlier this year, I got a new therapist that I'm absolutely in love with. Um, and we are doing brain spotting together. So that's an area too that I have just learned so much more about this year, um, specifically how our nervous systems get activated, how difficult it is to rewire the brain when you're just feeling very triggered, um, and the power of using different modes of therapy. So, brain spotting isn't traditional talk therapy, it's more what I would call experiential. So, for some of you where maybe therapy hasn't allowed you to access those deeper feelings or kind of what I think of as more of your subconscious brain, this is some cool different stuff that I've been doing that seems to be helping. So, I'm looking forward to talking about that as well. Um, so that's all of kind of like the big heavy stuff that happened this year. And um, part of the reason why I haven't been as as present um on social media. I've still been working deeply with my clients behind the scenes, but that's a space that is is really only um enjoyable for me when I have a lot of extra to give. And this year was a lot about just keeping a lot of it for myself to hold myself while I was going through it. Um, but I also wanted to share, along with all of that, there was um unexpectedly getting to meet the man I am dating at the beginning of May. And uh as you guys know, I am a lover. I love, I love to love deeply, and I have fallen deeply in love with my person in ways that I have hoped for ever since my divorce, but had not known were truly possible until now. And um I'm definitely gonna be very real about what that has been like with you guys, because falling in love, um it has been by far, you know, one of the most fulfilling and exciting, and um, you know, getting to see levels of myself that I've never seen before. So that's just been like amazing, and then also more triggering than I could have ever imagined. And that has taught me a lot about relationship, and I'm learning, oh my gosh, so much more about what a good relationship really looks like and how to be in relationship in a way that allows past pain that is inevitably going to be triggered to be healed. Um, instead of that pain, you know, destroying the relationship and driving you further apart, allowing it to connect your souls even deeper. I have a lot of you who get on mini sessions with me, and when I ask about what you want most, um, instead of, you know, what your current relationship is like, I'm finding you often describe what I'm experiencing right now with my partner. So um lots to explore there for sure. Um, and then there are just some things that are still the same. I still live in Texas, outside of Dallas, on my land, out in the country. I have found I need the nature and solitude out here just as much as I always have. It's been very helpful to have this space away from the bustle and the busyness of life to really just heal this year. I'm still momming with my crew of three boys, and they are now 12, 9, and 6. This has been my first year having them all in school, and I have to say, guys, I love it. I'm still coaching my fabulous clients while they are considering divorce. And along with that, I just I find I still fall madly in love with each one of them and getting to watch them grow in our work together. Uh, my clients, as any of my past clients listening will know, they just light me up and deeply inspire me with their bravery, and it is really a huge gift to get to be, as I said earlier, one of those persons for them. And I've always known that, but this summer I really I think doing my own personal work and seeing how much it takes to look at the past, to examine your beliefs, to feel oftentimes things that you haven't wanted to feel for it could be years and years. It gave me new appreciation for the work I do as a coach when I'm working one-on-one. So um there are lots of big, beautiful things on the horizon coming in. But most of all, I'm just really excited to be starting this journey with y'all of this podcast that I have, you know, that's been on my mind and on my heart for close to two years now. And to have a space, it feels so special to have a space where I get to share the things that I wish I'd heard someone talking about when I was considering divorce. And a place where you'll get to hear things that will hopefully ignite your own answers and help you move forward. You getting your own answers is the most important piece that I can teach you. So a year and a half ago, I think I felt more pressure to have all the answers and to be a leader. And if I was gonna have a podcast, I needed to know what I was talking about. And it's easy when you think that to like always be putting it in the future, right? Well, when I've learned more, or when I'm this person or when I'm that person, which is kind of totally the same thing that you guys might be doing right now while you're considering divorce, right? But what this year really taught me was that I don't have to have all the answers. And I actually don't really like people who pretend like they do. People who tell me they have the answers for my life or that they know what I should do really just rub me the wrong way. So I realized, why am I trying to be that for other people? And I've really embraced over this last year just owning like I'm gonna be me and share the things I've learned and who I am, and your part of the work is to take that and use it to uncover your own answers because your journey is gonna be your own. Um, most of all, what I want from my like what I want to bring to the table in this podcast is probably like the deepest part of my essence and my core, which is what I've realized this year, which is that I want to be transparent and authentic and real and open. I want this podcast to be very human. Um, y'all, I want you to be prepared. It's gonna be irreverent. There will be swearing. I'm gonna be probably more opinionated than I've ever been before. Um, there's gonna be lots of ideas. I'm gonna be sharing things that I've learned from talking to hundreds of you on mini sessions. In the future, I want to do interviews with my past clients so you get to hear their real experiences, have conversations with my coaching friends, and all in all, just have it be a really great time getting to talk about what I love most, which is this incredibly magical and also very intense time when you're considering divorce. So if that sounds like your jam and your tribe, your kind of people, I want you to come along and hit the subscribe button so that you'll be notified of every episode I release ahead. I can't wait to do this.