Okay, hold up. This might sound like it's the episode, but it's not just yet. This is me recording post the episode that you're about to hear, which we will get into in a second, where my bestie, Quinn and I talk about a tool that she used in her coaching around alter ego design. And you'll get to hear all about that in a second. But in this episode, I talked about how incredibly graciously she gave me this worksheet and was just like, here, share it with your listeners. And me being my beautiful ADHD self, I was like, I looked at this worksheet. I thought, oh yeah, sure. I will just toss this into one of my little formats. I'll make it all pretty. But y'all, after we recorded that episode and I started building out this design, I was like, no, no, no, no, no. This is some of the most beautiful work I've seen. This does not require just a kind of like, here, here's something, let's toss it out. Design. Um, and one of my favorite designers out there, I haven't talked about her on the podcast before, but her name is Jess Jox. I met her a long time ago, and she gave me this just stunning format for a magazine that I have not been able to play with and design through. And the the universe just collided. This is a little known piece about me. One of the things I love most about my business and getting to be an entrepreneur is that I also get to design behind the scenes. Um, I really think in another life I will go into graphic design. So, all of this is to say you are about to listen to an episode where we are gonna talk about this alter ego worksheet designing sheet that Quinn came up with, created, gave to me, and that I am gonna be dropping over on Substack for my paid subscribers. And although in the episode I say it's gonna come out this week, no, no, no, it is not. I am going to wait. I'm gonna pour some deep, beautiful love into this. I'm gonna get to play with design and bring something really stunning. It was just too stunning to let it be something that slips past me on this one. Um, so I'm gonna slow down. We've been learning this year in the community, talking about a strong foundation, like letting ourselves slow down when we need to. And I'm gonna take my time with this one. So, for those of you listening, if you're like, where is the worksheet? When is it coming? It will be coming soon for my paid subscribers. If you are not one yet, you are gonna want to be. Let me tell you, the combination of Quinn's incredible work, then put with the design of Jess Jox, who we will link so you guys can go to kind of go check out some of her stuff ahead of time, is gonna make this into just a really, really killer worksheet. I don't, I'm not even gonna call it a worksheet. By the time I'm done with it, it's probably gonna be like a mini workbook. So keep that in mind. That's what's coming. Now that I've got you all wet with desire and excitement at what this is gonna be in a couple weeks when it comes out. Let's dive into the episode. Welcome to the Stay or Go podcast, where we're changing the dialogue around divorce so that no woman ever stays in her marriage out of fear. Get ready to dispel myths, learn life-changing tools, and build a solid foundation in yourself from which to make your decision. And now your host, me, Britta Joe. Welcome back, babes. I have a treat for you. We had a couple episodes with me. And this week, as I was getting ready to record this one, I reached out to Quinn and I was like, you and I have been vibing lately. Just I could feel our energy. And I said, What do you want to talk about? Because I got to have you back on. Let's do this. And boy, do I feel very, very honored because Quinn is bringing today to the episode a tool that she uses in her coaching. And that after her introducing it to me, just a tiny bit, she's gonna introduce most of it to both me and all of you on this episode. I am so excited to have this tool now here on the podcast for our Substack users. She has graciously agreed to let me put out the worksheet that she uses. So that will also be posted in my paid subscribers area. But Quinn, tell us, tell us what this tool is that you have found to be so amazing for your clients and that I have never used before for mine.
SPEAKER_01Oh, it it is such a beautiful and simple and powerful tool. And it aligns so perfectly with the work that you already do with women trying to decide to stay or go. And I refer to it as the alter ego creation or alter ego effect is the name of the book that I've read about this. It's a book by Todd Herman, and he uses it specifically for athletes or business people, or, you know, someone who is stuck in a place in their life where they can't quite make a breakthrough. And the way I've seen it in the lens of working with women who are considering divorce or are post-divorce is that when you're going through this consideration of what your future is going to look like, you're experiencing a level of identity collapse. So I used to think of myself as I'm a Mormon mom, I'm a homeschool mom, I'm a trad wife, I'm a farmer's wife, I'm, you know, I had these identities, and then I got divorced, and I had to rebuild my identity because the identities that the world and my past in Mormonism, what it wanted to give me was you're a sad single mom. And I wanted to be a bold, vibrant, sexy, joyful, full of life woman instead of middle-aged, sad single mom. So for you, Britta, did you experience this when you went through the divorce? Did it change some of your identities?
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Um if I think about that process, I don't think I was doing it as consciously as you. That's why I'm so excited about you. Have always been such an avid like reader, researcher, which is why I love always bringing you on because you always have some different viewpoint or idea. So if I think back, yeah, there were identities that were collapsing, but I don't think I was as intentional about claiming and looking towards the future ones. So I'd love to know when that switched, like, tell us a little history around when did that switch come up for you? When were you like, oh, I really need to think of this in an alter ego way instead of just, oh, I'm gonna, you know, oh, I'm getting divorced and I'm gonna become a new me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I think it was post-divorce when I realized how many of the identities no longer fit because within a year I had left Mormonism. I had moved from the town that I was living in. I moved to Tucson. It was middle of COVID, so I wasn't interacting with people a lot. And I think it was actually through a medicine journey using some plant medicine where I was able to overcome a lot of fear that I had about dating, about being, you know, quote unquote alone. Um, and I had to really look at how I wanted to live going forward, because I was living with kind of this low-grade anxiety and fear in my life that I had taken from my marriage, because I lived kind of in this low-grade fear. Like he never hit me, but emotionally he beat the shit out of it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it was not a safe place.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And so to create, I knew that I would need to practice a new way of being. And a few years prior, I had created a practice for myself that I called a creation walk, where I would go for a walk with someone. And this was before Bluetooth. So you couldn't just walk around talking to yourself like you can today because everybody has AirPods in or something. So I would go walking with a person, and we would project ourselves into a future, and we would speak to each other as if that future had happened.
SPEAKER_03So, how did I not know this about you? I've never heard of this creation walk. I know I'm like, no, never to the creation walk, but yes.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So I would talk about maybe it was a trip I wanted to take, or it was some kind of educational attainment, or something in my life. And I would speak as if I had just attained that. Or if I was walking with someone, I remember walking with a woman who she really wanted to get pregnant or to adopt a child. And so I was talking to her as if she had this child already because she lived a lot of her life in this desperation for a child rather than in the having of a child. And, you know, long story short, she did a few years later get to adopt a child. But that's not really the point. The point is we create so much suffering for ourselves by continuing to practice, I'm so afraid, life is unsafe, um, I'm never gonna get what I want, this is terrible. We practice that way of being and it becomes very normal for our nervous system to live in that place. And so whether or not anything happens in our exterior, if we can change how our nervous system, you know, our focus, we show up different in the world and we experience the same circumstances with a different energy. It's like the world changes when our energy changes. And I'm talking energy like nervous system and the story we're telling ourselves. Because the story, so like when you started dating, you probably had a story of this is how long I was married, and I was Mormon, and you had a story to introduce yourself, right? Yes, I did. Okay. But I mean, and I look at my daughters who are dating, and they'll just make up new stories. They don't like the story that they have, and so they'll make up different stories to introduce themselves. And humans are so connected to story. If I start telling you a story, you're gonna want to stick around to the end, usually, if it's a good story. And the stories I was telling myself about my life, I didn't like them. They were scaring me. I was telling myself very scary stories about my future, about my capacity, about my abilities. And I started telling myself new stories that I actually, even though I was obese at the time that I got divorced, I started telling myself I'm an athlete. This is what athletes do. They get up and they go sweat and swear before the sun rises. And now exercise for the first time in my life, the last post-divorce, it's just something I do. I love to lift weights. I love to move my body. But I had a story before that exercise is punishment and you only do it to get smaller. And now I do it so I can crush the patriarchy between my thighs. Like I just do. Okay, I want to get strong.
SPEAKER_03So break down for me, because if we go back to where you said you, you know, you're coming out of divorce and and and then, you know, now this the the reality changes for you. Break down for those who are listening what that actually looked like. Because I do think this is kind of a mysterious piece for a lot of us. I think this falls sometimes in the realm of, like when you talk about going on a creation walk, I think of manifesting, you know, thinking, but I loved that you said it's more about the energy that comes with it. And when I looked over the worksheet that you had created, that's what inspired me the most was how much this alter ego practice that you have seems to tap into visualizing and creating and trying to call in and experience those feelings of what future you might feel like ahead of time. Correct.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. So when we went through coach training, we learned your thoughts create your feelings, create your actions. But we also know that how you hold your body also creates feelings. So our physiology, involving our physiology in changing how we feel. Like if I asked you, if you were depressed, how would you sit? How would you walk? If you were overwhelmed, what would your face look like? How would you hold your arms? What would your hips be doing? How would you be spreading your body? But if I say if you knew that everything was gonna be okay, if you knew that your future was bright, how would you hold yourself? How would you breathe? And we can breathe into and move into physiology that creates the drugs within us so that we feel better before we have the thoughts or before we have the circumstances that feel better. Because this is not magic. This is also just parts work. Like, like you do a lot of parts work where it's like, yes, or women considering divorce, there's a part of me that wants to stay, there's a part of me that wants to go, there's this part that's afraid for my children, there's this part that's worried about money. And we love all of those parts. And there are also these other parts. We've got the sexy siren, and we've got the bold voice. We're we've got the woman who does not care what other people think. Like all of those parts are in there. And so I what I'm asking of my clients is to become more, more of yourself. Like we come out of divorce and and we want all of the parts because we want those shadows because they're such good, uh, I don't know, like heavy lifts. Like, like a heavy lift that's gonna make you stronger. We're not gonna leave those parts behind, but they're also these other parts.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and I love this this piece of you bringing in the other parts. I think I've done a good job on this podcast really talking about the the the difficult parts, you know, the parts that maybe we don't celebrate and and being with those parts and being in our difficult feelings. But I maybe don't give as much airtime to understanding, like you said, these other pieces of us that are brave, outgoing, fiery, um, spicy. And it's something I've always admired about you and the way your brain works, that it does pull towards potential, to looking towards what could be instead. And so when you talk about an alter ego, it sounds like the work is in some ways trying to get in touch with maybe the less familiar parts of yourself. If, you know, in the process of considering your divorce, you've become very familiar with the part that is scared or overwhelmed or tired all the time. It's perhaps exploring parts that feel excited, open. Tell us about these parts.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So I'm gonna give you an example. So, Beyoncé, before she was Beyoncé, she was just a little girl and she'd sing in her church. And for her to become Beyoncé, she had to create an alter ego and she named her Sasha Fierce. Isn't that a great name? I do love that. Sasha Fierce. And Sasha Fierce was not afraid to go on stage and sing between in front of and sing in front of big crowds. She was sexy, she was embodied, she was bold. But when you watch like old videos before you see this becoming of Beyoncé, and you can see this in several documentaries, not only with Beyonce, but I'm also thinking the Lady Gaga documentary about her being bullied as a kid. And and oh, I did not know that. Yeah, and and so she created this persona where um, you know, she's kind of weird and she's kind of a monster. Like she embraces the weirdness. She used to get, you know, embarrassed with her nose and and the way she sang. And and so she embraced these parts of herself. Well, I'm just gonna become this, I'm gonna become Lady Gaga. And so women have been doing this for generations, where we play these roles until it's no longer a role. I remember it feeling really uncomfortable that I was a wife and wearing that label. And for some women, that feels really comfortable. For me, I was like, ugh, trying to feel my way into it until eventually, yeah, I'm a wife and I'm a mother, and I'm a homeschool mom, and I'm a Mormon mom, and all of those felt comfortable. But and the same with Beyoncé. Eventually, Sasha Fierce went away because she became all of those things within herself. Another really famous alter ego is um Kobe Bryant. He referred to his ultra ego as the black mamba, which is a snake. And his work ethic and his relentlessness came from that ultra ego until it became Kobe Bryant.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And it's almost like it gives you permission to believe that you can do things that you might not believe you could do otherwise. Right.
SPEAKER_01Right. Because you have certain parts that maybe are really afraid. Like I have these parts that were so afraid to date again. You know, what would happen? All of the things that could happen were gonna happen to me. Or if a man, if I brought him to meet my children, he would certainly do terrible things to my children. And I mean, just so much fear. I was just scaring myself so much. But you saw me when I started dating, and I was like, oh, and you are fun, and you are fun, and you are fun, and I had the best time dating. I did not have a single bad date, and I went on a lot of dates. And I think it's because I went into it believing nobody can hurt me, I am safe, like this deep, deep sense of safety that I truly believed I had, but I had practiced that. Like, how many times during divorce had I practiced the thought that I am unsafe? Or over the course of my marriage, I can't leave, I can't survive without this man, which seems so ridiculous now. But it it's practicing, it's being intentional because day after day, we generally are repeating the same thoughts over and over and over again. So, what alter ego creation is is mostly being intentional, right? Really thinking about who do I want to be? How does she, who is me, but right now it doesn't feel like fully me. How does she move? How does she speak? What would she do? So it's like a what would Jesus do, but it's it's you. What would I do if I wasn't afraid?
SPEAKER_03If I was Jesus, what would I do?
SPEAKER_01What would Jezebel do?
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Okay, so help me real quick. Because my brain, of course, snags. And this is probably why I shy away from this kind of work. Because I get hung up on that idea that like somehow it went so well because that, you know, oh, you didn't have a bad date because you had all these great thoughts. So break down for me. Is it, you know, it's not necessarily that nothing's gonna go wrong, but perhaps it is that the energy you show up with has a more expansive way of moving things.
SPEAKER_01Like Yeah. Okay. So as I think back to my dates, when I think about things that might be considered have gone wrong and I've just maybe glossed over them. I mean, I had men try to make a move on me and me be like, oh no. But I felt so powerful. I felt so like they were so lucky to spend time with me. And I always did things in it in what I considered a safe way, as safe as I knew at the time, letting people know where I was, um, always meeting in public. So this isn't a license to do stupid shit. Like be small.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, that's what I want to clarify. Like, do not just have your alter ego be like everything works out for me. But that is the key of what the the clarification there is that I and I remember seeing this in you. Because you had grounded into this alter version of yourself, which was a version you wanted to be, a version that like didn't put up with shit and who knew she was worth it. And if a guy pressured her, was gonna be like, mm, no boo. You then went into that space with those feelings, with that energy, so that when those incidents happened, there was less of a chance because you were not presenting any more people pleasing. Oh no, I don't want to be alone. I'm just a little single mom that needs to find somebody to like me. You were like, I'm living my best life out here, boo. You're lucky to be on a date. If I don't feel like it, it ain't happening. Take me home. In fact, I'll get an Uber. Like, yeah.
SPEAKER_01That's what we're doing. I had my own back, this version of myself. And and so there were some key things. I remember I would have to kind of talk myself up on my way to the date, reminding myself how I chose to go on this date. I wanted to go on this date, and really talking to myself in that voice of my alter ego. Another really fun part of creating an alter ego is deciding your field of play. And that's like a specific area where you're going to be this alter ego. So for me, it was dating. Um, for a person considering divorce, it could be I want this alter ego when I'm having conversations.
SPEAKER_03Conversations with my partner.
SPEAKER_01My partner. Like if I'm gonna go into the crazy room, I wanna be this very grounded, very zen, very bold person, like just fully embodied.
SPEAKER_03This, okay, this is this is catching, like really piquing my interest here because I'm like, that could be so helpful for feeling like, especially in a situation like that, like you are stepping into a different alter self that is better prepared, able to handle those things that maybe historically have been derailing for you. Yes. Does he talk about in the book the science behind why this works? Because I'm like, how this is this is wild that this works.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And there's some good TED talks about becoming your future self. And um, Dr. Benjamin Hardy has written a book called Be Your Future Self Now. There's a lot of good information on this because our future selves are very different than who we are now. We will change much more than we anticipate. So this is simply being intentional. And I also want to give you an example. So, one woman that I worked with, we both worked with her, and you helped her through her divorce, and then she came to me. She was having a really hard time setting boundaries. And so we created this alter ego. And one of the fun things about creating an alter ego is choosing your alter ego's name. And she chose Dirty Shirley, which is her favorite drink, and she loves to go dancing, and she is just such a fun, vibrant woman. But she had these challenges, setting boundaries with ex-husband and her own parents, mostly her mom. And so I created this outline for her. Like I asked her all these questions about who is Dirty Shirley? How does she act? What does she do? What does she not do? Um, how does she move through the world? What's her dream? What does she love to do? She loves to sing karaoke, which I loved because the woman that I was coaching, she wanted to sing karaoke, but she was so afraid to. She still wasn't fully embodied in her dirty Shirley persona. And so I created for her a recording of me speaking to her as if she's dirty Shirley and just saying, hey, dirty Shirley, it was so fun to go and do the karaoke with you last night. And when you told me about what you told your mom and how you were so loving and clear with those boundaries, remember how that felt? And you told, and I'm explaining to her, you know, the words that she had used. And so creating a recording to yourself to hype yourself up, or having a recording when if you have a good friend who can do that for you, kind of the creation walk idea, speak to me as if this is who I am. And sometimes that can be so helpful to just kind of be your own hype girl and listen to that on the regular. And I don't think you need to even have it playing consciously. Like sometimes when I'm trying to, I'm doing this right now in trying to shift my identity to being a nurse, like a very competent nurse, as you know, I'm in nursing school, but I don't think of myself as a nurse. It's like nursing school is something I'm doing, but I really want to be a highly competent supporter of women's health, whether it's the midwifery or some other kind of care that I provide for women. And it has taken me like doing stream of consciousness from that future self, who is so proud of the work that she is doing and helping the women. And I had this client come in and I helped her with her birth control. And then this middle-aged woman came in, and we talked about menopause, and we got her some vaginal estrogen, and and just like thinking of myself on purpose as the person I want to become. Because we're the time's gonna pass, we're gonna get older. And I want to be intentional about the woman I'm becoming, how I'm moving in the world, the way I'm speaking in the world. And it's something that we can do because there's so much in this world, Breta. Oh my God, do you ever feel overwhelmed by all the things that you want to change that you can't change in this world?
SPEAKER_03Yes, often.
SPEAKER_01Oh my God. I see atrocities every day that I have no control over. But the real point of power in our life is when there's something that we can change and we want to change it. So if you want to change it and you have the power to change it, there's a certain amount of alignment that can come into play. And that's where this alter ego thing comes into play. Because if I want to get healthier, but I still think of myself as a junk food junkie and I can't control myself and I'm an addict, and you know, that kind of thing, it's it's really difficult. There's just so much friction. So it's telling yourself an intentional story that you are good at setting boundaries and giving yourself proof. And sometimes you have to create that proof in the future.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. This friction that you mentioned, I think that's been the hardest thing that when I when I saw your worksheet, which is just phenomenal that you are letting me be able to share. It it really what was fun about this process and doing it in an alter ego way is that it was very playful. I think maybe because you get to kind of externalize these expectations for this other person. And this other person gets to be more capable naturally, other than rather than goal setting, you know, I think sometimes goal setting and thinking what we want to become or what we want to do can feel a little heavy, you know, a little bit like, okay, now I've got to, you know, get to these things, uh, kind of like you said with going from somebody who's maybe not very healthy, doesn't like going to the gym, and then you think, well, my goal is to get in shape and you feel all the friction there. But when you play with the alter ego and it's this version of you, and I loved, you know, you you talked in the worksheet about like picking a totem or um a certain song that is their song that you play when you're kind of tapping into that energy. Um, this is a lot of the stuff Tony Robbins talks about too, because my friend Matt always talks about like a power stance or some kind of stance or way of shifting your body that signals to your brain, oh, we're doing this person now that it can make it. I think what I loved is it made it more playful. Instead of it being like, oh, I've got to set these goals and I want to change. It's you know, the fun of like going shopping and trying on different outfits. And it's like your process was going to a thrift store or yeah, and just trying on all this different stuff and being like, ooh, I love this one and I love this one. And who is this new person that's a composite of all these different new pieces?
SPEAKER_01Yes. We get to a point in our lives. For me, it was like my mid-30s, where I realized it was, I was finding it much more difficult to change and to believe that anything was possible for my life. And it may have been a consequence of being married for 10 years in a marriage that I should have left much sooner. But it was also a consequence of my brain just kind of maturing and being what it is. But we have learned so much about neuroplasticity, but you have to be intentional about it. And and as you know, in Mormonism, life is a test. Already script, yeah, and already scripted, yes, laid out for you. But as a test, there are right answers and there are wrong answers, and you will be safe if you do all of the right things. And I have come to believe that life is a game, and it's it's kind of a a scary place sometimes, like a haunted house of our control. Sometimes we scare ourselves, and sometimes we get off on scaring ourselves. And so if life is a game and you get to be whoever you want to be, who do you want to be? And and it doesn't have to be, oh, I've got to walk through my life. That's why I like to have people choose an area of their life where they're like, okay, game on. So you might choose the song and having a specific um lipstick or perfume or ring, you know, piece of jewelry that you only wear when you're going into this arena where you're like, all right, motherfucker, come on, let's talk about alter ego out. Yes, yes. And so it's like you put it on, you you kind of ritualize this so that there's an on-ramp because it's very difficult for us to go from to stay in it. I'm depressed and now I'm not, or I'm gonna stay at this level 10 all day. You have to build the muscle. It's like we we're not gonna deadlift 300 pounds right off. We're gonna start with the bar, and maybe not even the bar, maybe dumbbells, maybe we're just gonna get the movement right. And so I love the work of BJ Fogg, who's this um Stanford psychologist, and he has a great book called Tiny Habits, where you just start with the tiniest thing. And but the thing with tiny habits, you have to have something that um like a uh that tells you a message that's like yeah, do this now, and then you do it, and it has to be something so easy that it's that it's uh incredibly simplistic. Like instead of going to the gym, you simply get up out of bed and you stretch, or you touch your toes, or you put your shoes on, just something super, super small, but then you celebrate that. And one of the ways that I love to use tiny habits is that women want to think differently, maybe about their partner or about themselves or their capacity, but they forget to do the work of thinking different thoughts. And so I love to have the uh like the habit stack, where something that women do multiple times a day if they're staying hydrated is that they pee. And so every time I pee, I think to myself and you choose something that you want to practice believing about yourself. And you say that phrase and you feel it, and then you know, you flush the toilet and you wash your hands, and you can have those connected to things that you're doing. I have phrases that I say when I'm brushing my teeth because I'm going to brush my teeth every day. That's already a habit. But what am I trying to believe on purpose? And I practice those when I'm doing things that I'm going to be doing anyway. So it's an easy way to like hook it in. And then one of the fun things is to take your alter ego out on a date or, you know, just let her be around people outside of her field of play. So you might take her to the mall just to walk around and let other people feel the magnetism of OMG. Yeah. And for people that don't know, Quinn O'Trera is not my birth name. That is my alter ego's name. And made permanent my legal name. Because I lived into her. It took me, you know, a little over a year to um get settled into that name. And Otrera is who gave birth to the Amazons, and I have six daughters, and I'm like, fuck yeah, let's let's give birth to some Amazonian warriors. And so it fits the like my name means something to me. Now, not everybody needs to change their name, though I highly.
SPEAKER_03Although if you get divorced, you do get to change your last name potentially. So or you're you can change all your names. That's right. You change your entire name.
SPEAKER_01Yes. But it's a really fun way to approach life, to approach the work. Sometimes doing the work is such a slog, so heavy. And it can just be fun. It can be light. It can be all of a sudden I think, what would what would Quinn do? Oh, Quinn's not taking shit. The answer is no. Like, I got a text. The first guy I ever dated, he texted me just yesterday and he's like, so I haven't heard from you. Do you want to get together, do something? And I was like, no. It's been years. I don't. I appreciate what he did before, but Quinn, no. No.
SPEAKER_03No. Yeah. I so appreciate you coming and sharing this piece because as you were talking, I was like, oh, this is why you are such a phenomenal post-divorce coach. Like I just, and I thought this is the perfect timing for me to be talking about this with you and receiving this worksheet because this is where I struggle. And when you said towards the end of your 30s, like your mid-30s, is where you started to kind of the word I'm gonna use is like calcify. Like, and I I just have to say, thinking back now to when I was first divorced, I didn't do much of this work because I was so young and eager. It was just like life is gonna fucking open for me, it's gonna be great. And I just went all in, but here I am six or seven years later. And boy, do I need this right now. Because once you kind of get tumbled around by life and, you know, getting your feet underneath you again and catching that feeling. And I love too the idea of doing this alter ego work, not even so much from the, and then I'll get these things perspective right, but just from the joy of getting to experience life through that lens, that's what it's been reminding and kind of calling me back to. Of I've been very goal-focused and like these are the things I need to be accomplishing, but coming back into who do I want to be as those things unfold.
SPEAKER_01Or as you're doing them, because there may be an alter ego for whom hustle is fun, hustle is gives her energy. But we know there are parts of you that if you set a hustle goal, you're like, I want to take a nap. And so finding the finding the energy, finding the fuel, like it it is this exploration, this expansiveness. But sometimes it takes pretending, quote unquote pretending that we're someone else in order to do it.
SPEAKER_03And to catch the vision of how life could feel or look differently from someone else's eyes within it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Let's talk about trauma for just a second because I don't want to pretend that we come out of divorce unscathed, and we still get to go into those dark, gritty places. What has changed for me? I mean, I still get to go to those places and I still get lost in those places sometimes. Not nearly as much as I did. But we can also use that as fuel. Like one of the reasons I want to be a midwife, I want to help women with reproduction, is because of my own experiences and the experiences of my sisters. Like I'm using the birth trauma as fuel to change the world. Yeah, to change the world. And how many women do you know they come out of divorce or they're, or they don't get divorced? They stay, but they have done the work of knowing themselves so much more. And that is fuel for a different kind of relationship. So whether they stay or whether they go, this is a playground to use everything that's here. Because to grow a garden, you got to mix in some shit and that makes stuff grow. It's just part of the process. I don't make the rules. Just seems to be what is.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And my podcast, I think, is so good at talking about the difficult parts. I love that on today's episode, you got to bring in more of the expansive, playful it, you know, we talk a lot about the work and feelings and being down in the grit, but I love a tool that can come in. And, you know, like I said, from this worksheet that'll be available over on Substack for the paid subscribers, you do such a beautiful job, Quinn, of making it this playful, deep explanation. Through questions that allow you to just kind of, I mean, reading through it, I was like, oh, we're like making a piece of art. It doesn't have to feel difficult in the ways that we typically think of the work. And I'm learning more and more, by the way. We've got a couple amazing people that I'm going to be bringing to the podcast in the next couple months to talk to us about some different modalities. And they both, when I was meeting them and working out them coming on, were emphasizing to me how important it is, not only for, you know, yes, we do this deep hard work in the more negative emotions that we think of, but we have to have also a capacity to feel the joy, to feel the safety, or our body can't really digest that. So the peace expanding out into what else could be possible, into bravery, into confidence, into joy, into safety through potentially our, you know, accessed through an alter ego, just as important and vital as the work we typically talk more about. Quinn, thank you for getting on and sharing this. I can tell I I just I'm like, oh, this is what Quinn's been doing. I feel like you get on and you, you know, you coach me and I because you are you are my coach each week, but we, you know, I've never done this process with you because I really present as if I've got like it all figured out. And then you bring this forward. I'm like, okay, next week, Quinn, this is what I want to do.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Oh, that would be so fun. I would definitely have fun through this.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I'm I am so excited to do this work on my own and to get to have you take me through it because this is a piece that I myself have been missing. I talk about future focus, but um very excited to have a more playful way to enter into that work.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I gotta say, it is easier to do this work with a coach, just someone who will just stand solidly for your future self and the future that you tell her that you want, and for them to see that in you. I know that with my own coach, that's super important where they can see me more clearly than I can see myself. And you probably see this with your clients as well, where you can see the patterns that we're all so blind to ourselves. And it's so good to have somebody there to hold that space for us. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And to do it, you know, I I realized I've done that for my clients through like values and belief work, but I love this is just you and your spiciness. I love the idea of doing it through something much more playful. Yeah.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03Thank you, Quinn. Ugh, it's been welcome. Such a treat, y'all, to have her off of school or you know, doing less school. Yes. Yes. Summer school this summer. We've got to have her back a little bit more, back on the podcast, doing tarot in the community as well. Um, it's been really just a treat. So for those of you wanting to perhaps get to interact with her more, head over to um our community page. You can get that by stay or go community at 33777, texting that. And then for my Substack paid subscribers, if you aren't one yet, you're gonna wanna be with this worksheet dropping after this episode. You can find that in the links below to go over to Substack. I'm very, very honored that Quinn just so generously and graciously was like, here, take this, make it fancy, and go put it over there for other amazing women to use. So thank you for your generosity.
SPEAKER_01You can walk through this yourself and start playing with it and helping people you love play with it. It's something, something for the whole family. And I don't generally make family-friendly content, so this is special.
SPEAKER_04This one. I love you so much. All right, babes. That's what we've got for you this week. We'll talk to y'all soon. Bye-bye.