72 | From Loss to Legacy with | Debbie Simmons

What if the question that keeps you stuck is the very thing you need to surrender? This conversation with Debbie Simmons travels from the heartbreak of losing quadruplets to the hard-won hope of adopting nine children, welcoming 15 grandkids, and building a nonprofit that strengthens families at scale. Along the way, we explore identity beyond performance, the faith to move when the fog is thick, and the practical tools that make healing possible in real homes with real stress.

We dig into the shift from “why” to “what’s my next best step” and how that simple practice fuels resilience for parents, founders, and leaders. Debbie shares the chaos and comedy of becoming a mom to five overnight, the systems that kept dinner and laundry from breaking the house, and the moment TBRI reframed meltdowns as signals instead of battles. If you’re raising kids from hard places, or leading people who carry invisible wounds, you’ll learn how high structure and high nurture work together to rewire the brain, replace maladaptive behaviors with language, and build a family culture where safety and accountability can coexist.

We also unpack the origin of Anchor Point, complete with resistance, obedience, and doors opening at the last possible minute. From a medical clinic for pregnancy decisions to abortion recovery, trauma reboot groups, therapeutic family camps, and community parenting initiatives, Debbie shows what comprehensive family support looks like when compassion and competence meet. For entrepreneurs, there’s a throughline: systems that scale care, decisions under uncertainty, and the relentless courage to take the next best step until clarity returns.

If you need a story that restores perspective and offers tools you can use tonight, this one’s for you. Listen, share it with someone who needs hope, and leave a review so more people can find conversations like this. Then tell us: what next best step are you taking today?

Business & HR Clarity Audit 

Tiffany Brown Designs
Tiffany Brown is a graphic and brand designer, film and video editor, and Generative AI Artist who h

Transcript

Welcome, Theme: Pain to Purpose

Intro/Outro 0:01

You're listening to the Off Balance Podcast, where faith, family, and business collide. Hosted by Brooke Deming, Doctor of Business Administration, Business Coach, and Resilience Expert. Each episode features real-life conversations to help entrepreneurs like you build resilience and lead with confidence.

Debbie’s Origin Story and Infertility

Brooks 0:32

Welcome back to Off Balance. Your host, Dr. Brooks. Today's conversation is all about moving forward from pain to purpose. My guest today is Debbie Simmons. She knows what it means to face unimaginable loss and still chose to build impact. As a mother of nine through adoption and a CEO of a nonprofit and legacy coach, Debbie has turned her story of losing her parts into a mission to empower families, equip leaders, and inspire others to live their God-given calling. Debbie, welcome to Off Balance. Before we dive into our conversation today, can you share with listeners exactly who you are and what it is that you do?

Quadruplet Pregnancy and Heartbreaking Loss

Letting Go of “Why” for “How Do I Survive?”

From Surviving to Thriving and Redeeming the Story

Adoption Seed and Building a Big Family

Debbie 1:16

Sure, I'll be happy to. And I would tell you, my story has a lot of highs and a lot of lows, so we just buckle up for the roller coaster ride, okay? And I would tell you, if we went back far enough, I have tons of titles, but if we went back far enough, my dream as a kid, like as a young teenager, was I wanted to be a young grandma. I had this idea in my head, right? And we all have dreams, right? And we can see exactly how they're supposed to go. And so I knew I'm a girl that can do just about anything. So I knew I had to find a guy, fall in love, get married, have children, then I can be a young grandma, right? And so when I went to college, I did get my engineering degree. So don't think I didn't get my degree, but I did find a guy, fell in love, got married, and that was like, check, I got, I'm on a roll. And we tried to get pregnant, and infertility became the name of our game. And it was so like difficult on my identity and whether I was a failure as a person, as a lady. All this stuff began to be in question. And then this dream thing was also put into question because I can't figure out how to get kids here. This is a hiccup in the system. So that was many, many years. And at the very end, we did get pregnant. Ultimately, we got pregnant with twins. We went through a miscarriage scare, and the doctor then told us we were pregnant with quads. And the journey there is once you're pregnant with quads, they say, okay, you got to make it to 30 weeks. All right. And we were like, okay, we'll figure it out. And I want to challenge us all how many of you guys have eaten for five every meal, every day. It's a lot of work just to get there, just to eat and drinking water. And so we began our journey. And at 26 weeks, we found me standing in water and the baby sack had ruptured, and they put me in the hospital, and I was to stay as long as I could stay. And the next morning, contractions came. And I was like, oh my gosh, looking at the doctor, can you stop this? This is too early. I don't want just make this go away. And she shook her head no. And I was I just took a deep breath and I was like, okay, I'm gonna have to figure my way through this. And a couple of hours later, little Zach was born, and they placed him in my arms, and I held him and I rocked him and I loved him until he drifted off into eternity. And that was hard. But then the next question came. And the next question that came was, would my body reject the other three? Or would I be able to carry them? And we had to just wait. And we waited, and I got sicker and sicker. And eventually the doctor walked back in and she said, You have to induce. You're too sick. And I was just like, please tell me there's a way around this because I already did this once. I can't, and she just shook her head no. So I breathed and just resolved myself to figure my way. And they induced. And a couple hours later, Josh, Nate, and Chris all arrived a little differently. And they placed them in my arms and I held them and I rocked them until they drifted off into eternity. And then we sat with empty arms and broken hearts. And as we sat that night in the hotel hotel room, in the hospital room, I was like, how do I figure my way through this? I don't even know how I can't even comprehend how do I do this. So you go to the hospital planning on a celebration, and here I am trying to figure out how to plan funerals. And I'm like, what do you do? And I tried to think of just about anything I could do, but the only thing I could keep coming back to was, God, I don't know what I'm doing. I you're gonna have to help me figure this out. And so there in my mind was nowhere else to go but to God, because I had tried everything. I was exhausted, we were tired, it was horrible. And I was like, okay, God, I guess I'm gonna have to, I guess I have to trust you. Like the creator of the universe. It's not like a bad thing. But I was like, I guess I have to trust you. And for most of us, when we hit hard situations, there's one common question that comes up, and it's the question of why. Like, why me? Why now? Why my boys? Why God? Why? And you know what? It is my question to hold on to in that situation because it's the last thing that I have left. And if I can get a good answer for why, then it I can figure out how to go on. That's my thought process. And I think that's most of our thought process. And so as God and I were dialoguing, God was like, I need you to give me your why. And I was like, You're kidding me. I'm like, this is all I got left, and he's give it to me. And I'm like, no, I want it. I it's it I gotta have this answer. And what I've learned is that if God Himself would have stood up and stood right in front of me in the hospital room and given me the answer, it would not satisfy. Okay, the very next thing out of my mouth would have been, why? Because it's never good enough, right? And it wouldn't take my pain away, it wouldn't bring my boys back, it wouldn't solve anything. And so why when we hit this question is a very stuck question. It's a very internal question, and it's stuck. We can't get past it, right? And so God was gently nudging me, give me the question, give me the question, and finally I was like, okay, here's my question, here's why you can have it. And and then I'm like, what do I do now? You just took everything I had. What do I do? And how do I how do I do this? He's asked me a different question, and I was like, What? That's my question. What do I do? And he was like, Ask me, how do I survive? And I was like, Okay, how do I survive? And the answer was very simple. The answer was breathe and take my next best step. Okay. And I was like, okay, what's my next best step? And he's like, You'll figure it out. And I'm like, okay. And so I would, out of faith and obedience, figure out what I thought, or my husband and I thought, or through friends and everything, what our next best step could be. And we out of faith and obedience, we take that. And then God would come and meet us, and he would shine a light at our feet and show us the next best step. And then we would take that. And that is the beginning of how healing happened, right? And so we wanted positive movement over a long journey. Didn't mean I went forward every day, every time, but I did do my best to do that. And what I found was as I went on that journey, something began to happen. I began to heal. And then the further I got along, I was like, okay, God, I'm healing. I'm back at work, I'm doing these things or whatever. But I'm like, is this all there is? Because I still was stuck in the emotions of and I was like, how do I thrive? How do I not just survive, but I want to thrive. I want to feel, I want to smile, I want to laugh, I want to live. I was young when my boys were born, and I'm like, I can't imagine living my whole life with nothing, like these feelings of just uh. And I'm like, you say you're a redeemer of stories, and I'm gonna trust you with my story. You've put in me this idea of wanting to be this young grandma and loving kids and everything. And so somehow you must be gonna figure that out. I don't know, because I can't make it happen. And I'm gonna trust you with that, and then I am going to trust you to take the story that's been so hard and figure out how to make something good of it. And so that began my journey into working with families who've lost children and people who have grief groups and things like that. And then God planted the seed for adopting. And we began to explore that. And as we know by my bio, I managed to adopt nine children from hard places over the time. And that has been a wonderful experience. And then God planted the seed to start Anger Point, the ministry that we that I'm CEO of, that impacts thousands. And then in the last year and a half, he had me write The Heart of Legacy and put that out there and speak more and everything. And all of that came because of that very difficult situation and the things that I have learned and allowing my boy's legacy to live on through me and impact people and my ability to live my legacy and leave it when I'm gone one day to impact people. So they give me lots of titles CEO, mom, lolly for grandma, because I am a grandma of 15 kids and chief bottleneck, washer, whatever, I get whatever title it takes. That's just a little bit of my journey and how I land it right here with you today.

Brooks 10:39

You have a beautiful story. And what I heard you say was ever since you were a little girl, you wanted to be a mom. So when you was going through your infertility issues, and then you were blessed to be pregnant, and then you experienced the loss. What do you think that experience revealed about you as a person?

Becoming Mom to Five Overnight: Systems and Chaos

Debbie 10:58

One of the one of the big questions when it was with infertility and I couldn't get pregnant, it was a whole identity thing. Like I I remember very clearly going, if I can't do this, I really wish I was dead. This is horrible. Do you know what I'm saying? Because it's like my body doesn't function right. I'm a failure as a wife, as a woman, as a future grandma. And I'm like, the only the I think the reason we were able to walk through the loss of the boys the way we did is because I had walked through the pain of the infertility and the identity and the struggle there and learning to trust him more in that situation. That kind of was the setup. It allowed me to be better prepared. It is a question of your identity. And if my identity is based on how my body performs, then I'm gonna be upset a lot of time, not just for pregnancy. The fact of the matter is that I have to know that he deeply knows my heart and has placed this. Really, I was I really sat in the hospital room and I go, God, you gave me this heart for children. Well, and now I got a big hole in my heart, and somehow you must be gonna fill it, and I have no clue how you're gonna do it. And so I'm just like, it's your problem, figure it out, because you told me you gave me this heartbeat for kids, and I'm like, I don't know what to do with it. And so I just said, Okay, I'll trust you. And it's worked out.

Brooks 12:29

As you begin to walk with Christ after your loss, how did your identity begin to change?

Debbie 13:22

I think the biggest thing for me is that we have to realize that when we are looking at our identity, we're generally placing it on our abilities, our thoughts, our thinking, our skills, and all that stuff. And actually, that's not what my identity is based on at all. And so it's misplaced. And God had to redirect me to say, you will be fully dependent on me, and you will understand that you are already complete and you are loved, and you are precious, and you're my child, and I got you. And the list goes on, and you're provided for, and I am working on a wonderful, great plan. And to what I love is I'm a childlike faith kind of girl, and I'm like, okay, I'll sit in your lap and just go, okay, you take care of it. And I not that I don't do my CEO job, but I there's a lot of things I run into as a CEO, and I go, okay, God, you better show up because I don't, I'm at the end of my knowledge and I'll keep exploring options, but you better give me something because I don't know what I'm doing on that. And he does give us wisdom, right? And when we ask for it. And so I think that's part of it. So really when we place our eyes in the wrong space is when we get off, right? And in our society, we're all self-centered. So we all grow up thinking, it's not me, and it's me, and and I ought to be able to do anything. And the truth is I can do anything with Christ, but I can't do it all on my own. And that that that was the lesson that somehow I'd figure it out, but it wasn't just going to be me doing it.

Brooks 15:09

So as you were going through your grief journey, at what point did you and your husband decide that you guys would adopt? Oh, good question.

Adding More Siblings and Blended Family Dynamics

Debbie 15:17

Okay, so after about six months after about losing the boys, we did decide to maybe try and get pregnant again. Okay, because I have this mission. I'm going to be this young grandma. Okay. And when we went back to do some fertility stuff, I can just tell you that my body was so worn out and my hormones were so off, and I was just emotionally still jacked up and everything. I made it about two weeks and I looked at my husband and I said, There is no way I can do this right now. And he didn't pressure me or anything. We just agreed that we weren't going to do that right now and went back to our merry little lives. And God eventually took me out of engineering and put me in seminary and doing ministry full time. And when we got to my first paid ministry position, and he had a job also, which was about six years later. And I looked at him and I said, Dude, if we're gonna get pregnant ever, I said the first time took forever. And look at all the drama. I'm like, we got to decide now because I'm not getting any younger. And so it was the cool God story in that. My boys were born on April 1st of 1995. And my first sibling group came into my home on April 1st of 2002, which was seven years to the day. And it was five, five children instead of four. So when we talk about redeeming the story and redeeming the day, God did do that. And so it was seven years exactly when they came into our home.

Brooks 16:58

That is so beautiful. And so as you begin to transition to being a mom, what was that experience like for you?

Obedience, Counting the Cost, and Third Adoption

Debbie 17:06

First, he made me, this was funny. This is how God works, okay? I'm like, okay, gotta trust you. You're gonna give me kids, I'm gonna fall in love with kids, okay? And so when I finished seminary, I had always done like singles ministry or kind of administrative type stuff, executive pastor kind of stuff. And he puts me at a church as a children's pastor. And I'm like, God, we need I'm like fine with it. And it was wonderful training for my husband because he was back working in the children and all this stuff. But I'm like, God, if we weren't clear, I really wanted children of my own. And so, not 300 other people's children. I loved them and I loved hanging out with them and everything, but I'm like, just in case we didn't have that discussion, you just need to know. And so I'm like, I still want my children. And so that was how we processed in there. So I had 300 other people's children and I loved it. I loved all of it. And so when we adopted, the funniest story was the first we adopted three times, three different sibling groups. So the first adoption was a sibling group of five. There were six, seven, eight, nine, and ten. And we're not into babies. We're into a little bit of independence. Get yourself dressed. My husband had this beautiful record of never changing a diaper and having nine kids. And kids come into our home, but we moved in a basketball team. Okay. Literally a basketball team. And they're taking over in the backyard, playing or whatever. And you've got to realize we've been married for many years and we're set in our ways, right? And we kind of know how our systems work and everything. And this youngest kid, this six-year-old, comes in the house in the back door and he comes running up to me. It's his first night there. And he goes, Mom. And I'm like, Yeah. And he's, what's for dinner? And I'm like looking at this kid, and I'm like, Do you say this every day? And he's, yeah. And I'm like, and I'm thinking, I am so sorely unprepared because I don't cook either. Okay. And so I gotta, this is like a major game plan change. And I'm like, it's a good thing I have gotten a master's in organizational management because it needs to kick in with systems and procedures and processes. And we spent the first six months eating on paper plates because it was all I can do to figure out how to feed us all and get it all cleaned up. And when we moved from South Carolina to Texas, I told my kids we were going to start using dishes and they were like, what? And I'm like, yeah, we're gonna be like normal people. And so that, so that was it was total chaos. And then it's okay, we got to figure out a process. So I'm like, talk about laundry. I'm like, oh my God, there's laundry galore. And I'm like, this is crazy. I'm like, you all guys need to learn how to do laundry. So everybody got their own baskets. They sorted them and they took them down and they had their day for laundry. And if you're six, you can wash clothes. Mom helps you, but then you fold them and you put them up, and everything had a system. And the more you add, the more structure you get. And but those were fun days, and they're fun kids, but it was chaos, it's total chaos. It's total chaos anytime we brought more kids in the house.

Brooks 20:27

So you found your rhythm with five, and then you decide to adopt a second time around. How many kids was the second set of siblings?

Debbie 20:37

So the second set of siblings was about seven years later, and it was a sibling group of two. And so they were 11 and 13, and my other ones were 14, 15, 16, 17, and 18. So at that point, we were well into hormones and driver's ed. Okay, that's all we did. And and now it was interesting because here we are, Scott and I, we bring five kids in. Now it's this blended crazy family. Now you bring two more in, okay, and you just think of group dynamics. We had screwed the whole system up. And the 13-year-old acted like the 18-year-old, and the 14-year-old was still acting like an eight-year-old. And then this one was like, You ain't my brother. And I'm like, Yes, he is your brother. And you might not like each other, but you're gonna love each other. And so is if you get a picture of the old show during the daytime of the Geraldo show, all the craziness. Yeah, I'm like, okay, yeah. And then we figure it out. They, I'm like, no, you have to learn. This is what family is, and so we're going to learn this together. And we did. We did.

Brooks 21:46

So as your family was growing, I'm sure you were growing in your faith. So what made you decide that seven wasn't enough?

Trauma-Informed Parenting: TBRI Foundations

Rewiring the Brain and Replacing Behaviors

Debbie 21:55

That's so funny that you put it that way. Because the first time we willingly went into it and we're like, yeah, we want to do this, da da da. The second time, just so you can get a feel, okay. I am at a children's pastors conference and I hear Francis Chan talk, okay? And he's telling this story about this man and woman in a third world country. The man's a paraplegic, they take orphans off the street, they're bringing them in their homes, and I'm just listening, and my little engineering mind is going off. I could put more kids in the house based on these parameters. I figured out I could put 14 kids in there. And he keeps talking. And his thing at the very end was none of us would want to be that couple now, but we all want to be that couple when they get to heaven. And he said something in there about how many children these people had put in their little hut that had expanded. Okay. And I'm thinking, third world country, 30 people, 35 people, something like that. And that would be like huge, crazy, right? And it was like 80 something. I was so shocked and so convicted that I have a beautiful house and I'm going, I can get more kids in here. And so I was so convicted right there. I didn't even get out of my seat. I called my husband and he was like, no. And I said, Look, dude, we're supposed to turn our stuff into adopt again, and it's going to be like four more kids. And I said, You got to start praying about it. He was like, nope. And he said, stay at your conference. Don't even bother coming home right now. Just do whatever you're going to do. No, we're not doing that. It's already crazy. And I was like, you just got to promise me to pray. And so he started praying. And we came home. And now when you make a big decision like this affects the children too, right? So they need to be in the process. And so we had a discussion with them and they were like, Yeah, we want to do it. And I was like, okay, that's too easy. I'm like, you need to count the cost before we do this. What's it going to cost you? And so they started listing out all things. And one of my daughters played select softball. And she was like, I may have to give up softball because we couldn't afford it, or something like that. And I was like, Yeah, it could be. And I said, let mom list some for you. Mom can't pay for college. Mom can't buy you a car. Mom can't pay your insurance. I said, Mom can't pay for your wedding. But I know that God will help us figure this out. But this can be harder than we think. And are you ready for that? And so they were like, Yes, we're willing to do it. As much as we can really be ready. And so that's how we ended up in the second one. Okay. So the third one was three years later. And my oldest daughter had gotten pregnant and was in a bad relationship. And it looked like the child might end up in CPS custody. And so I was really convicted. And I went to my husband and I said, we're supposed to turn our paperwork in again. And he was like, no, I'm not going to fall for this again. And I'm like, he's seven's enough, child. And I'm like, I'm just telling you. And I said, you got to start praying. I said, I don't know why. I said, because we neither one of us felt like we should be adopting again, but we felt, I felt compelled that we needed to be prepared to handle, do something with this grandchild if we needed to. And so this would qualify us. Or it was totally something else. Or maybe we were supposed to adopt. And so he held out for six months. And periodically I would come back and go, it's still bugging me. Are you praying yet? And he was like, no. And then finally he said, Okay, fine. So when you say willing, I took the application and I called one of the agencies and I was talking to the lady and she's so why do you want to adopt? And I'm like, We don't. We are just being obedient. And so I just need you to qualify us. And she's you're perfect. And I'm like, and did not hear me correctly. I said, This ain't my first rodeo. And she was like, No, you're perfect. And within six months, we ended up with two more children. And they were nine and eleven at the time, and then 13, 15, 16, 17, 18, all the way up. And they were a different race than my all my other children were Caucasian. And these were two African American children. So then we blended that away too. And that was interesting and challenging a lot of times to try and walk through all of that. And I've they still tell me I'm pretty bad with African American hair. I try. I'm like, I my hair would be shaved. Look, I can't do that. So I admire anyone who could take care of African American hair. And you know what I'm talking about, girlfriend. And I'm like, oh my gosh. But we've survived and they are all moving on. So I will tell you though, there was a fourth attempt to adopt. And here's what happened is a lot of our kids have moved out of our house. And I was just very convicted. I would tell my husband, I said, look, we're not 50 yet. We're not broke. And these kids are moving out. And should we consider taking in and having more children because we're able to, and God would want us to steward this well and everything. My husband finally came back with a different answer than no, because he figured that doesn't work. And so he said, Why don't you pray about it? And I said, Okay, I'll pray about it. That's no big deal. And he said, You need to pray whether God is calling us to bring more children into our home, which is not a bad thing, it's a good thing, or whether he wants us to invest more of our time in training up families that can take in children. And I said, Okay. And so I started praying, and I it was about a month, and I swear there was like three or four times that I had children having major meltdowns when I needed to be doing CEO things. And of course, I'm gonna take care of my kids, but I was like, okay, God, I get the picture. Don't bring any more in the house. Now that might change at any point, and we're open to that, but I'm like, spend more of my time investing over here in people that can do those things and have an even bigger impact from that perspective. So my husband got out of the fourth round and stuff, but we've been on to grandbabies. So we have 15 grandbabies, and we love when we get to play and hang around with them.

Brooks 28:35

Yeah, I love the fact that he was supportive because you guys literally went from losing your babies to five to seven to nine. That's a lot of children, but I can imagine that it's beautiful. And I heard you say that you allowed the kids' input to decide whether or not you guys will bring other kids into the household. So can you talk a little bit about your parenting style and what does that look like for you guys?

Founding Anchor Point: Calling and Reluctance

Debbie 29:03

Sure. Other than chaos all the time, we in that last adoption that we did, one of the things that we got trained on was some of the work of Dr. Karen Purvis and trust-based relational intervention. Okay. That was right when that work was coming out. And the thing about that is that work is really for kids with trauma backgrounds. So it's this high structure, high nurture kind of thing to help kids learn how to give up maladaptive behaviors and be able to use their words to get their needs met. And I remember when we sat through that training, and this was where on that third adoption, my other thing was maybe God's wanted to teach us something different. I don't know what my grandchild didn't end up in CPS custody either. So that was good. And we got the kids, and then we learned this. As when we sat through the training, the it was just a short training. But as soon as the training was over, I looked at my husband and I said, There better be a God because we've been screwing up our kids. We did the best we could with what we knew at the time, and that's what all parents do, right? And I'm like, oh my gosh, I didn't realize this was how trauma affected the brain, or that this way that we're going about parenting is actually pushing them to more maladaptive behaviors. And so it began to revolutionize like how we parent it, but it also totally revolutionized what we do in the ministry with families and teaching them how to work with kids. And so we now Anchor Point runs therapeutic camps for families that are struggling with their kids. And this is what we use. And so it has this high structure, high nurture. And then we're going to lower the bar. Is necessary to help you have some success, but then we're going to bring it back up because we know a kid with a trauma background, especially let's say they're 10 years old physically, lose it, they're about five, they're about half their age. Okay. And then they have worldly knowledge somehow of a 15-year-old. And that's a dangerous combination. And if I go into parenting and my kid's losing it, and he's a 10-year-old, and I want to treat him like a 10-year-old, he can't even function there. So I have to swap to go in, oh, this is my little five-year-old. Let me get my little five-year-old back online because I'm going to deal with him differently. Then I'm going to raise the bar back up because he's his it's a maladaptive behavior. So he doesn't feel safe. Something is going off in him. I have to help him figure his way. And so what it did for us, for me in particular, kids are really good at hitting your buttons, right? Okay. And God says, remove your button so it can't be hit, right? And I'm like, good guys, God, I have nine kids. I got buttons everywhere. And I'm like, so it made me really good at learning to run to him quickly to go, okay, God, I want to be able to be fully present for my children and to help them. But if my junk's getting in the way, help me get some healing with my junk so I can be fully present. It wasn't unusual for my kids to be having a meltdown and I lose it. And I'm like texting my prayer buddies going, could you sign me up for an appointment? Because I need to be a good mama and this ain't working right now. And that skills of chasing after God to work on my issues really allowed me to learn to be present as a parent. And it's one of the things that I think is one of those gems that we can give parents is we spend a lot of time trying to control the kids and really it's just to keep ourselves safe. And we need to be a, I can't, I can't lead my kids someplace that I'm not willing to go myself. And so I need to get the healing if I want my trauma kids to be able to walk through healing, and they need to see me model it first. And so that's really I spent most of my time, okay, God, well I don't figure it out.

Brooks 33:05

No, that is really good because I know from what I know about maladaptive behaviors, they start as coping mechanisms, but they are not good strategies. And so I'm glad that you got that training so that you were able to reset and give them things that were more positive to focus on versus the tantrums.

What Anchor Point Does and Who It Serves

Debbie 33:24

Yeah. So what you need to think about just so your listeners can walk away with it is trauma kids have malab maladaptive behaviors that they have used for survival. Okay. So if I'm going to remove a kid's survival mechanism, I've got to give them something to replace it. If not, it really is child abuse because this is their survival mechanism. So we have to learn to teach them how to rewire the brain. And that's what we do in camp all the time is rewire the brain to learn to use your words and give up the maladaptive behavior. Because these kids and most kids aren't being malicious. They just don't know what to do with these big feelings or these scared feelings and stuff. And it's our job to teach them how. Where do you get an instruction manual about feelings? You're just mad, but you don't know that it's because you're sad or you feel hurt about this or whatever, and you don't know what to do when you're a three-year-old over this big feeling that you got. So what do you do? Yep, have a tetra. Somebody's got to teach me there's another way, right? And a great biological home with no issues, and they can work through that in a healthy way. It's wonderful. We get out of the terrible twos, it's great. I inherited a nine-year-old that was excellent at terrible twos. And I'm like going, okay, we got to undo some things because you're not going to be able to hold a job. You got to learn to listen and obey. And so those are the tips that we we really had to learn to figure our way, but to also help the kids be successful. And that's what we want as adults. We want them to be successful.

Brooks 35:02

So you mentioned your we briefly touched on your nonprofit, but we haven't gone into depth with it. So what made you guys launch Anchor Point?

Partnering, 911 Prayer Team, and Getting Involved

The Heart of Legacy Gift and Entrepreneur Encouragement

Debbie 35:12

God told me to do. Full-time ministry job, have a full-time mission field at home, seven kids, and God said, I want you to start this ministry. And I'm like, You have come to the wrong address. I'm like, I am so tired, and you want me to start a ministry that's going to require time, sacrifice, money. No. And so for about two years, I said no. And then God was like, okay, I've had enough of that. And I ended up having to transition out of my job in about a week. And it was horrible. It was horrible. But it was like, he was tired of me saying no. And so the dust settles, and God's like, Do you have time now? And I'm like, yes, fine. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'm going to do it. And so we did. And I started, I had a good buddy, and I was like, okay, fine, God. I'm going to be obedient. So I tell my buddy, and I'm like, sure, she'll say no. And I'm like, have this idea. And a whole time I'm thinking, I don't want to be doing this. I don't want to be doing this. And I'm saying, I have this idea. And I'm looking at her and I'm like, hey, how would you like to build a ministry that's going to outlive us? And she was like, oh, that'd be great. And I'm like, no. She's yes. And I'm like, it's going to be hard. And it's going to, we're probably going to not gonna get along the whole time. And everything, she's like, yeah, it'll be great. I'm like, okay, fine. So then we started working on it, and everything fell in place. And I'm just like, you're kidding me. And so God keeps showing up and he keeps open doors, keeps on. We had donors before we opened the doors. We had clients before we opened the doors. And I'm like, really God. And so I was like, okay. And she eventually went on to do other things. But I'm like, okay, I'll just be on the board. I won't be involved in the ministry and all the stuff. And then we needed someone to step in. And I was like, okay, so I'm much better at obedience now, but I'm like, okay, God. And it's been an absolute joy. So Anchor Point really is meant to give families hope. And we do that through, we have a medical clinic that works with them when they are struggling with pregnancy decisions and all of that good stuff. We have case management that we do with them. We do those therapeutic camps. We have abortion recovery, sexual abuse recovery, trauma reboot groups. And then we do community initiatives with parents just to raise the tide of parenting and encourage families because we know our communities are only as strong as our weakest families. And so that's what we get to do. And so we get to invest in all these lives and see them go from barely surviving to working toward thriving. And it's a ton of fun to see the life change and to know, oh my gosh, when I get to heaven, all these people are going to be there. And that's fun. And so it's been an absolute, while I went kicking and screaming, it's an absolute pleasure to be able to be CEO and to have the people that invest and the volunteers and the staff, they're all wonderful and love being on the front lines for this.

Brooks 38:44

That is beautiful. So if someone's listening and they want to partner with your organization or if they want to reach out, how can they contact you?

Debbie 38:52

So for AnchorPoint, it is very simple, anchorpoint.us. And what I would encourage people to do is at a minimum, you when you get on the website, is join the 911 prayer team. Okay. And it's easy. All you do is you get a couple of texts a week and it tells you how you can directly pray for the ministry. So someone is struggling with a decision to choose life for the child they carry, or they have a diagnosis that's bad and they're trying to struggling with what to do, or someone in our maternity home is struggling with a newborn. And you get to pray right there on the front lines, even though we can't be the hands and feet right there. And you get to join us in those life decisions and all that stuff. And it's a wonderful opportunity. All the social media handles are there for Anchor Point, and it's just a beautiful thing to be able to be engaged in.

Brooks 39:46

And I would definitely make sure that I have all of your contact information in the show notes. So you have shared a journey that was it filled with loss, love, and now you are just operating in abundance with such a beautiful family and ministry. So how do you hope sharing your story will impact someone that's listening today?

Closing Gratitude and Listener CTA

Debbie 40:09

Okay. First of all, I want to make sure that we don't forget if anybody wants it, I give as a gift to all your kind of listeners is our book, The Heart of Legacy. And you can get that at theheartoflegacy.com and it's free. But that is my story, but also it's the story of Anchor Point, and it'll give you it gives you lots of good next steps. That next best step that I had to learn to do, we talk about that in there, and there's tons of stories of life change for your listeners. I go, life is gonna throw things at us. Okay, there the Bible's very clear that the storm comes on the righteous and the unrighteous. And it's coming to sell the word. It's not coming to get the person, it's coming to get the word. And you and I have a chance to figure out how we're gonna walk through the storm. And everyone, my children, my employees, whenever something hits me, everybody is watching. And we don't even realize how big a legacy we leave by the power of the choices we make when the heat is on. Okay. And the other thing I would say is the fog is not meant to derail us, it's actually meant to refine us and give us it. So a lot of times I when I teach, I'm like, the fog is actually the path. And if we can embrace that, then all we need to do is keep walking. The next step. And eventually that fog is gonna lift and we're gonna make it to that next level that we want it to be at. With yours, I know a lot of them are entrepreneurs. I'm like, keep on going. Keep on going. And you know, this will pass. And I think there was some statistic I used in a speech the other day. I was trying to remember where it came from, but it talks about that most adults are going to experience at least three major life disruptions that radically alter their sense of direction. Okay. So we don't plan for those, right? And we don't even see them coming a lot of times, but they totally form and shape us. And so God is very clear that He wants us to lean in that time and to learn to trust that He is writing a good story and He will give us the ability to do the sun will come out tomorrow, is a good one, but I'm just going keep breathe and find the next best step and keep on walking. It's when we stop walking, when we stay in the why and the stuck and everything that you just can't go anywhere. And so keep walking.

Brooks 42:50

That was beautiful advice, and I appreciate the wisdom and the sincerity that you brought to today's conversation. I will make sure that I have all of your information in the show notes. So, Debbie, thank you so much for joining us today.

Intro/Outro 43:11

Thanks for listening. Please rate this episode and share it with your family and friends. To learn more about your host or to book a coaching session, visit www.brooksdeming.com. Until next time, rise.