78 | Coaching Lens: Why You Feel Behind Even When You’re Working Hard

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You’re showing up.
You’re doing the work.
And yet, it still feels like you’re behind.

In this Coaching Lens episode of Off-Balance, Dr. Brooks Demming breaks down a pattern she sees constantly in her coaching and HR work with high-performing women. The issue isn’t laziness, lack of discipline, or poor time management. It’s a lack of structure and clear direction.

From a coaching, HR, and leadership perspective, this episode explores why working harder often creates more pressure instead of progress, how effort replaces structure in many businesses, and why capable leaders end up carrying far more than they should.

You’ll learn how to recognize when feeling behind is actually a systems signal, the key questions that bring clarity, and what needs to shift so your business can support you instead of draining you.

If your days are full but stability still feels out of reach, this conversation will help you name what’s really happening and take the next right step forward.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Feeling Behind, Not Lazy
• 0:28 Coaching Lens And Intent
• 1:15 Pattern: Capable Yet Exhausted
• 3:45 Time Isn’t The Problem
• 5:06 When Leaders Become The System
• 7:14 Reframe: Structure Over Effort
• 8:30 Better Questions To Reduce Load
• 9:24 HR Clarity Audit Invitation
• 10:11 Closing: Choose Clear Structure

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

If you're working hard, showing up consistently and still feel like you're behind, this episode is for you. Not behind because you're lazy, not behind because you lack discipline, not behind because you're not doing enough. You're busy, your days are full, people rely on you, things are getting done, and yet there's this quiet frustration underneath it all. No matter how much effort you put in, the gap never seems to close. Today I want to walk you through this from a coaching lens, not from a motivational angle, not from a hustle mindset, but from a lens of structure, leadership, and clarity.

SPEAKER_01: 0:40

You're listening to the Off Balance Podcast, where faith, family, and business collide. Hosted by Brooks Demick, Doctor of Business Administration, Business Coach, and resilience expert. Each episode features real-life conversations to help entrepreneurs like you build resilience and lead with confidence.

SPEAKER_00: 1:11

Welcome to Off Balance. I'm your host, Dr. Brooks. This podcast is for entrepreneurs and professionals who want clarity, structure, and sustainability, not hustle without direction and not success that comes at the cost of your peace. In these coaching lens episodes, I take patterns I see repeatedly in my coaching and HR work and I slow them down. I explain how I assess them, what most people miss, and what actually creates forward movement. Because many of the things that we struggle with aren't personal failures, they're predictable patterns. And once you can see the pattern, you can change it. Today we're talking about why so many capable driven women feel behind even when they're working hard, doing the right things, and giving it their best effort. If you have ever thought, I don't understand why this feels so heavy, stay with me. So one of the most common scenarios that I see in my coaching practice is a woman comes, she sits across from me, and she says something like, I don't understand why I feel so behind. I'm working all the time, but it never feels like enough. And when she says it, there's usually confusion in her voice. Sometimes there's guilt, sometimes there's exhaustion. Because here's the thing: she's not disorganized, she's not inconsistent, she's not avoiding the work. In fact, she is usually doing too much. What do I mean by too much? She's usually managing clients, she's answering questions, she's fixing issues before they become problems, she's making decisions others don't want to make. She's holding the vision, the details, and the emotional weight of the business. She is the person that everyone goes to. And yet there's this constant pressure. It's like she's always catching up, always bracing for the next thing, always one step away from feeling settled. What stands out to me isn't her lack of effort, it's the way her workday never truly ends. Even when she stops working, her mind stays on, the business follows her everywhere, and progress feels fragile. It's like everything would fall apart if she steps away. And that's an important clue. They think I need better time management, I need to be more focused, I need to wake up earlier or stay up later, I need to be more disciplined. So they try new planners, they block their calendars, they download productivity apps, they cut rest, they squeeze more into their already full days, and for a short time it might feel like it's helping, but then the feeling comes back because the issue was never time. The issue is direction and structure. Working hard without clear priorities create motion without progress. You can be busy all day and still not be moving forward in the ways that actually matter. So when everything feels important, nothing truly is. You have to be able to identify your priorities. When everything is urgent, clarity disappears. And when clarity disappears, pressure increases. That's why pushing harder, it rarely fixes the feeling. It often makes things worse. And so when I am in these coaching sessions, here's what I'm listening for. When a client tells me she feels behind, I'm listening for where decisions are being delayed, not because she's indecisive, but because no clear decision framework exists. I'm listening for where responsibility is unclear, where tasks float instead of belonging to someone or something specific. I'm listening for where the leader is compensating for missing structure, where she's stepping in, filling gaps and carrying weight that should be handled by systems. And I'm listening for where everything still runs through one person. Often what I find is the business lacks clear roles, even in small teams or solo businesses, defined outcomes for projects and responsibilities, decision-making boundaries that prevent constant second guessing, systems that reduce mental load instead of adding to it. So the leader becomes a system. The leader becomes a system. I am sure that you can think of a business or think of an organization where if someone is not there, it's like everything falls apart. That's because that person has become the system. She becomes the reminder, the follow-up, the quality control, the decision maker, the safety net, and that is exhausting. From a HR perspective, this tells me the business is relying on effort instead of structure. From a coaching perspective, it tells me the leader is carrying things that she shouldn't have to. And from an educational perspective, it tells me expectations are unclear, which creates constant mental friction. None of this is about intelligence or capability. It's about alignment. Feeling behind isn't about speed, it's about how work is organized. Business structures and policies and procedures in business are so important, but unfortunately for a lot of organizations, they are lacking. And so here's the reframe I want you to sit with. You don't feel behind because you're failing. You feel behind because you are doing work that the structure was meant to handle. So when everything depends on you, progress always feels slow. Not because you're inefficient, but because the business is not designed to support you. Behind is not a character flaw, it's a system signal. Is your system way of screaming help? Something is wrong, look at me. Is your work telling you something needs order? Something needs clarity, something needs to be defined instead of managed emotionally. Once you see that, the shame lifts and you can start making changes from a place of leadership instead of self-criticism. You'll just recognize and identify that this is a system issue and not a leadership issue. And so the shift isn't doing more, it's asking better questions. So instead of asking, what else should I be doing? you can ask things like, What am I carrying that should already be structured? What decisions keep coming back because they were never fully resolved? What repeats every week that could be simplified or clarified? And these questions, they expose the real source of the pressure. They reduce noise, they create clarity, and clarity changes how you lead. Not because your workload disappears overnight, but because your energy is no longer scattered. You will no longer feel like you're all over the place. You will no longer feel like you are barely above water. So if you are hearing this episode and you're like, this is me. Oh my God, this is so me, I can relate. This is exactly the kind of work that I do in my business and HR clarity audit. It's a focus on working session where we identify what's off balance, why it feels heavy, and where effort is replacing structure and what needs to change next. Not someday, not when things calm down, but now. This isn't about motivation. So many people think that they lack motivation. It has nothing to do with motivation. It's all about alignment. If your business feels like it's always chasing stability instead of building it, then this is the place to start. And you can learn more information by visiting my website or you can click the link in the description of this episode. So one thing that I want you to recognize is feeling behind doesn't mean that you're behind. It means something is asking for order, and order can be created. You don't need more hustle, you don't need more time, you simply need a clearer structure. Thank you for listening to Off Balance, and I will talk to you soon.

SPEAKER_01: 10:43

Thanks for listening. Please rate this episode and share it with your family and friends. To learn more about your host or to book a coaching session, visit www.brooksdemming.com. Until next time, rise.