Whatcha do there, Mike? Oh, just filling out our post-blackout census form for the studio here.
Speaker 2:Thanks, mike, I really appreciate you taking that on for us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, HR has not woken up and legal has just been so agitated lately I figured just be best to get it out of the way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I got mine filled out yesterday. Pretty easy stuff, now that it's just me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so this is weird. Did you know? Intern Todd's legal first name is actually intern, really, yeah, it says it right here in his paperwork.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow, Wait. What's this under? It's under the role of producer.
Speaker 1:Yeah, must be some sort of typo.
Speaker 2:Oh, it's a wake, Mike. Red light time.
Speaker 1:Oh, back to it. Good morning Tritown. I'm Michael Tarr and I'm Dale Dallas, and this is Everything Matters. Good morning Tritown. Glad to be back in the sound waves wafting over your beautiful earholes. I hope you're staying inside, staying safe and staying sane. Pour yourself a cup of joe and gather around for today's Everything Matters.
Speaker 2:It's time for the Tritown Bolton Board brought to you by Cox Energy.
Speaker 1:The Tritown Healthy Citizens Commission issues this reminder. Time marches on. The vastness of the cosmos continues to close in on each and every one of us, but with a focus on daily exercise and a disciplined diet, you will die healthier.
Speaker 2:I plan on dying as healthy as possible, mike. In a recent five to nine vote, the Tritown City Council has converted a local tranquil park into a sprawling trampoline wonderland. Residents were left jumping for joy, literally when the news broke. Councilman Montgomery defended the decision, saying With the fall upon us, we just wanted to put a sparring in every one step and elevate our city's reputation. Visitors can now be seen soaring through the air, performing gravity-defying flips and occasionally landing in the neighboring zip codes. Critics argue that the moon has destroyed a beloved local park. The residents seem to have embraced the bouncy revolution with arms open and spring-loaded legs.
Speaker 1:Can't help but wonder if the gravity-adjusting scientists lobbied for this at all.
Speaker 2:You might be onto something Mike.
Speaker 1:The site of the old Pine Bridge power plant is going to see some new use. Tritown City Council announces a grant to promote further redevelopment of the previously closed-off piece of land. Franchisee Kevin Matherson had this to say I can't wait to get in there and start excavating all that nasty concrete they poured over this beautiful location. You're looking at the absolute perfect site for Tritown's brand new Dollar General.
Speaker 2:Is there already a Dollar General like right on the other side of that black mic? I believe there is no, but you bet on the tumbleweed in the Ultramax Bowl. The world of sports betting has been set into a whirlwind by a tumbleweed named Tumblethor. This peculiar tumbleweed has managed to achieve the impossible predicting the Ultramax Bowl winner correctly, o'opping 12 out of 14 times in a row. Tumblethor has become a celebrity in his own right, attracting throngs of curious onlookers and bookmakers seeking his sagebrush advice. Whether it's clairvoyance or a gust of luck, Tumblethor's track record is nothing short of legendary, leaving sports analysts scratching their heads. As the next Ultramax Bowl approaches, all eyes are on this wandering soothsayer, eagerly awaiting his prediction and potentially making it the most sought-after tumbleweed in the history of sports betting.
Speaker 1:Well, if I wasn't recovering from a crippling gambling addiction, I'd be right there with Tumblethor Dale. Debate over the meaning of the acronym AI rages on in Tritown, surviving the blackout and immediately rekindling its controversial flame. Those who believe it means all in claim that the other side is trying to denigrate the value of hard work and hustle this week's development. Bernie Bunsen switches sides and the new All-Inner calls himself a sales. Ai proclaims he is all-in on sales. Opposition still holds to its meaning as American Idol meant to denote an old world celebrity. What do you think AI stands for? Call 1-800-MATTERS and let us know.
Speaker 2:Before you finish this story, mike, people were already calling it Such a hot issue, dale. It's just a simple fact that ghost sightings have been doubted before the last blackout. In an astonishing turn of events, the Tritout City Council has unveiled their latest creation, the Soul Shredder. City officials claim that the recent decline in ghost sightings is due to the implementation of this device. The contraption resembling a cross between a vacuum cleaner and a disco ball allegedly shreds wayward souls that dare to wander the streets of Tritout. Elcorp scientists, who championed the invention, proudly declared we're cleaning up the streets of the afterlife one spectral shred at a time. Paranormal experts, however, are skeptical and worry about the consequences of meddling with the spirit world. Only time will tell if this ghost must engage in as the city's salvation or the beginning of a supernatural showdown.
Speaker 1:Well, with a name like Soul Shredder, they must really mean business Dale. This has been the Tritout Bulletin Board brought to you by Cox Energy, now hosting a monthly photo contest. Send in a picture of your Cox for a chance to win $10 off your next energy bill.
Speaker 2:Live from Tritout in front of a live studio audience. It's census day.
Speaker 1:That's right, dale. On this special segment of Everything Matters, we'll be covering in depth tips, tricks and advice to a successful census. Post blackout census paperwork how to fully complete your census with minimal risk of audit, checking on your neighbors, how to spot suspicious behavior and how to report it.
Speaker 2:That's right, Mike. A new neighbor is a suspicious neighbor. We cover five questions.
Speaker 1:This is Dr Daniel Leeds reporting. Subject name Colin Elena Morgan Line break, moonhaven Deepsea Laboratory worker. Line break, resident of Moonhaven. For the purposes of transcription, I will be recording my notes on Elena's statement as verbatim as I received the information as possible. I will include some minor clarifications when needed.
Speaker 1:Elena Morgan and James Clifton are stationed in the Deepsea Laboratory off the coast of Moonhaven. They are not scientists but have been given basic training in running instruments and recording findings so as to free Tritown's limited scientific resources for the less mundane. The topic of the Deepsea Laboratory studies has been redacted Per the Tritown Neighborhood Watch Statute 148R1N7H and I do not believe hold relevance to the report. It should, however, be noted this assignment is not one of chance, but rather one of the extremely limited forms of non-corporal punishment in Tritown since the occurrence of the Great Toilet Tragedy of 27. And that is how Elena came to be stationed in the laboratory. Elena reports that she and James, her companion, were unaffected by the blackout, a previously unreported phenomenon. There are in fact no confirmed reports of individuals remaining awake during the blackout, and even looking for debunked reports, I was only able to find two After laying very still in a safe, comfortable location for several hours, as is recommended.
Speaker 1:Alaina, unable to sleep, rose and moved back around the laboratory. She checked her calendar and time to make sure that they had not gotten the incorrect day. This are the only way to track the passing of time that far underwater. But she was fairly certain it was time of the blackout. James also arose. They were, needless to say, very confused. They attempted to hail the Moonhaven Maritime Authority many times but received no response. A day passed, the radio was silent and James and Alaina simply continued their laboratory duties. They were confused and reported being a little frightened, and Alaina continually tried to hail the Moonhaven Maritime Authority but saw no success in that endeavor.
Speaker 1:That night, alaina was unable to fall asleep at all. Finally, becoming restless and fearful enough of these strange occurrences, she chose to check on James, who had separate sleeping quarters. James was also unable to sleep. They claimed that night, between 3 and 4 am, to have made their final attempt to hail the Moonhaven Maritime Authority, before finally accepting they were alone and making no further attempts.
Speaker 1:They were unsure, as we all are, how long the blackout would be. Not a problem to be considered or studied, much as during the blackout there appears to be no linear progression of time whatsoever. Animals, birds, humans, creatures of all types of mutation are asleep as far as we can tell, and vegetation seems to be unaffected. Only though it calls to spotlight the ancient question of just how long the blackouts are. One can brew a pot of coffee, lay down, enjoy the blackout, get up and enjoy a hot cup of joe. We only know the time has passed by, the collective feeling. We all know a long period of time has passed. Even newcomers, experimentally contained and not told about the blackout, independently report they have been asleep for years, even decades. When asked to estimate how long they've been asleep With disinmind, they decided to begin rationing very early on, which was a wise decision, even bringing out years of stored freeze-dried anchovy ice cream that they had squirreled away when radioing for resupply.
Speaker 1:Water was no issue, as the bottom of the lab was a pool of fresh water where the supplies surfaced. The laboratory itself is deep below the Moonhaven Coast, the largest source of fresh water known to Triton. This is where the strangeness multiplies. Alina reports that her and James stopped being able to sleep altogether. Alina's explanations of the effects of sleep deprivation and the paranoia that ensued by far make up the longest part of the report. I will be filing paper documentation but for the purposes of this transcription I have truncated the effects and these are the highlights.
Speaker 1:After about five days, alina reported auditory hallucination hearing the radio crackle on, for instance, but getting to it and finding a debt. Hearing James seeing in the bathroom and then seeing him come out of the kitchen, things of that nature. Alina reports unsettling whispers. She describes them as too soft to hear but too loud to ignore. After seven days, alina's mood took a dramatic turn, shouting matches with James throwing objects, slamming doors, things of that nature. Alina reports that while she lashed out, james withdrew quickly, being brought to tears at one point, spending some time curled up on the floor of the lab, rocking and crying.
Speaker 1:After 11 days, visual hallucination and paranoia set in, although that's not what Alina describes. Alina began to withdraw from James and spend time in the bathroom, apparently and this is a direct quote speaking to herself in the mirror. As Alina explains this, I quickly realized she is not saying talking to herself, but quite literally speaking to another entity in the mirror that looks like her. At 15 days, alina no longer interacts with James at all. They see each other briefly when retrieving items from their dwindling supplies, but they do not speak. James retrieves to his quarters Alina to hers. At 17 days Alina describes her friend as the only reason she is able to stay sane. The conversations become unsettling and, of course, turned towards James. Elena's imaginary mirror companion suggests James is stealing their food. Then, on day 18, elena confronts James and they come to blows. Elena describes attacking James, attempting to push into his quarters and James, in retaliation, strikes her. Elena shoves James against the laboratory's walls In a way Elena describes as probably a little too hard and says she is sure James hit his head. Elena retreats from the situation and takes as much food as she can carry into her quarters and locks the door.
Speaker 1:Day 19, james begins beating on the door, trying to enter her quarters. He does not speak. Elena's mirror suggests he has gone mad and is trying to kill her and it says that she must act in self-defense. Day 20, elena reports that after a brief cessation of the banging on the door, james begins striking the door with something much heavier. Here Elena assures Elena that James is going to kill her and because she hid in her room she now has no weapons and nothing to defend herself with. The mirror assures Elena she can help. She need only take her hand when the door begins to break. Elena agrees Somehow, and again this is in Elena's own words taking her own hand in the mirror and being pulled through.
Speaker 1:Elena describes being pulled through a tunnel of some sort, flying or hurtling through it. She sees James in the distance who flies by her, and then she finds herself in a different bathroom. On the floor is James, his head split open, blood covering the floor this is described in some detail and a fire axe next to him. She turns to look in the mirror and describes seeing herself in her original bathroom, as if looking through a pane of glass rather than a mirror, beating the other James to death, holding him by the neck and slamming his head into the wall repeatedly until his skull caves. She says James is smiling through the whole ordeal, even when his arms go dead, his eyes stay wide open and he seems to be experiencing genuine joy. Elena finds that she is no longer under the sea but rather on a boat. She heads to the deck of the boat, describing a sudden realization of just how tired she is, her body all at once demanding she pay the debt she had gathered.
Speaker 1:What comes next seems to be the peak of Elena's visual hallucinations. She describes the deck of the ship as not rocking whatsoever, the water over the side of the boat completely still. She describes throwing a bit of wood into it and the wood simply disappearing when it hits the water, with no ripples whatsoever. She says there are boats around and often seem to be headed in her direction but never getting any closer. She was not even sure if she wanted them to. There was a dead man in the bathroom below. She had no way of explaining. The strangest thing she described was the sun and the moon. She claims it was as if the sun was rising and setting, rapidly flying through the sky above her Almost, as if days were passing in just minutes. Eventually she tried waving to the boat, throwing things, tried to work the radio, a sudden loneliness setting in. She finally found the button to the fog horn and claims to have held it down for as long as it would sound, but no one would come. Time passing from this point on becomes rather impossible for me to discern, or Lena to describe. It seems Elena's nightmare continues on for several more days. Though Elena describes the madness, I cannot really fathom the extreme stillness of the boat contrasted with the insanity of the sun and the moon chasing each other overhead.
Speaker 1:Elena has not eaten now and says she is hearing the whispers constantly. She wanted to check the mirror but could not bring herself to do so. Eventually, elena gives up creating a noose tying a ship's anchor to her left leg. When she realized she had what she describes as a light at the end of the tunnel, she became filled with happiness. For the first time since this whole ordeal, she overcame her exhaustion, her hunger even silenced the whispers, she says. She began laughing out loud. She tied the noose around her neck and pushed the anchor off the boat. She jumped at the last possible moment to avoid hitting her head or anything and the anchor drew her down Just as the noose began to tighten.
Speaker 1:Well, elena woke up in the laboratory no whispers, no hunger, no moodyness or paranoia or exhaustion. Her quarters were in fine order. James was even fine, although Elena says the next couple of days unsettled her. He was generally a quiet person, reserved, and after this experience, she said James had become happy, even extroverted.
Speaker 1:I'm unable to write all of this off as a dream one. There are multiple recorded attempts at a hail from the laboratory to the Moonhaven Maritime Authority. These occurred after the time when they would have shut down to prepare for the blackout. I am unable to write all of this off as a dream One. There are multiple recorded attempts at a hail from the laboratory to the Moonhaven Maritime Authority after the time when they should have shut down to prepare for the blackout. This is odd. No one should have been awake. Secondarily, during their resupply the lab supplies were indeed dangerously low.
Speaker 1:Of course that doesn't prove anything, but it is notable as it's not happened before. Lastly, and perhaps the most strange, the ship in the Moonhaven Bay has alluded explanation thus far. While it is not dangerous and not even close to the most interesting thing in Tritown, it is still a curiosity. I will admit I have no explanation for that foghorn blowing for days Around. The time when Elena reports having woken up correlates almost exactly with the time the ship mysteriously vanished. I will continue meeting with and monitoring Elena and trying to find some time to meet with James If I come across any additional findings.
Speaker 2:Oh, hi Doc.
Speaker 1:Oh uh, hello Dale, just one moment.
Speaker 2:Oh crap Doc what are you doing there? I'm sorry, what do you mean? This is our tape for this week's census segment. Mike's gonna be so pissed.
Speaker 1:This is my tape. It says Dr Daniel Leeds right on it.
Speaker 2:That is the smallest writing I have ever seen.
Speaker 1:Nonetheless, it is still my tape. Wait a second, Dale. You haven't been taping over my other dictation, have you? This has been another episode of Everything Matters. This is your friendly final reminder that your census filing is due by the end of this week.
Speaker 2:That's right, Mike. Don't wait until the last minute. What if something happens and you don't get your census paperwork filed?
Speaker 1:That would not be good, dale. And now a word from the beautiful folks of Tri-Town. We've got your feedback right here. Remember, lines are open If you use this Apple podcast or whatever. We'll read your feedback right here on the show. Maggie Bow has this to say Casting its hellish glow turns the land into a fevered dreamscape Painted in hues of blood and gold, just like Mama used to say. Sounds like Maggie is a fan of Jeb Marshall there, dale.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Jeb Marshall sure has a way with words. This one comes from Sarboth. I have a question for us, Mike. I'm trying to figure out my mere dilemma. They seem to have been misplaced, Almost like they grew legs and walked away. Is mere sentience a possibility? I always looked to you guys for advice, Until the next time. Sarboth of.
Speaker 1:Tri-Town. Well, you know what I always say, Dale Everything's a possibility. Spaztastic has this to say Hi, Long time listener, first time caller. I need to ask you what happens if your mere safety fails and you start seeing shadows. Does mere safety help with these? Thank you so much for any advice you can give me. Looks like we're gonna have to get the doc back on the show here, Dale, yeah, I mean, what are you supposed to do exactly?
Speaker 2:again, I feel like I could use a refresher on my mere safety tips. This one's from BJ Folger. More perfect news casting from Mike and Dale. The only downside is the all-consuming silence between each episode. Yeah, I know you feel.
Speaker 1:That's it for this week, tri-town. Thank you, keep those comments coming in. This has been another broadcast of Everything Matters. We'll see you next week and remember, it's all real, it all matters and it never ends. Now a word from Intern Todd.
Speaker 3:So leave us a review on Spotify and Apple. If you leave a review as a resident of Tri-Town without breaking the fourth wall, dale and Mike might read your review on the show. Just make sure you don't, you know, give anything away that you're from the 21st century or that could really, you know, break Mike and Dale's minds. Yeah, links are at EverythingMattersPodcom. If you're listening from the 22nd and 24th century, you can review us on Musknet in exchange for one kudo. 25th to 29th century. Please get off the internet immediately. Using the internet poses a public safety hazard. All other centuries call 1-800-MATTERS If it is safe to do so. Again, that's EverythingMattersPodcom.