Yeah, I'll know about that one. I don't know. Mike's always been pretty great to me. No, no, no, no, no, that's just crazy. Mike's my friend.
Speaker 2:Good morning Dale. How are you doing today?
Speaker 1:Oh, perfectly, all right, we're fine. We're all fine here. Thank you very much. How are you doing?
Speaker 2:Great, dale. It's a fine-looking compact. You got there. Thanks, mike. I always keep it on me. Dale, I'm glad you're back at it. I was getting a little worried about the mirror avoidance and it's good to see you back to normal Red light. We're up, dale. Good morning, tritown. I'm Michael Tore and I'm Dale Dallas. This is Everything Matters. Good morning Tritown. Congratulations to Pine Bridge, moonhaven and Threadington for yet another successful post-Blackout census.
Speaker 1:That's right. The numbers are in and we achieved a record 87% awakening and attendance.
Speaker 2:That is incredible Dale, Great numbers. I also see in this report that there are approximately 337 new reported residents of Tritown, and a whopping 201 of them have already been registered and approved as new citizens.
Speaker 1:We are making history, mike. Also, we're very pleased to let the fine listeners of Everything Matters know that the Tritown City Council has honored the show with a special recognition.
Speaker 2:The Tritown City Council is proud to present Everything Matters with this outstanding citizen contribution recognition for their work on Blackout and post-Blackout safety awareness and advice.
Speaker 1:Wow that is a real honor. Thank you, Tritown.
Speaker 2:Thank you, tritown. Indeed, with that, it's time for the Tritown Bulletin Board, brought to you by Cox Energy A local pine bridge man was recently given 30 years to life after a horrific and premeditated offense.
Speaker 1:The man, who bore a striking resemblance to his victim, was found guilty of murdering their friend with a lunchbox. Prosecution alleges that Dimitri Popov had killed their friend in an attempt to assume their life. Also, they wouldn't have to return to Thredington, where it was already discovered they had murdered another similar-looking friend. I am not a murderer, he declared. I am Dimitri Popov, the only Dimitri Popov.
Speaker 2:Residents resembling Dimitri Popov should be on high alert. Let's get that picture out to the Citizens' Dale. I'll get right on that bike. Scientists have made an incredible breakthrough in the behavioral health phenomenon of imposter syndrome. If you haven't heard of it, imposter syndrome can manifest as feelings of self-doubt downplaying your intellect or ability or even questioning your right to be around talented people, people at all. Luckily, rigorous studies have found good news. You can rest easy, knowing scientists have now proven you have to actually be good at something to feel imposter syndrome. So next time you're feeling self-doubt, just ask yourself this specially formulated and scientifically proven question Am I good enough to have imposter syndrome? Imposter syndrome?
Speaker 1:huh, I've never heard of that one. If you don't be, let you know. I hate groundhogs, said Councilman Montgomery in a post-Blackout press conference. Stopping the encroaching groundhog population is something Councilman Montgomery is very passionate about, and this week City Council has announced their new groundhog stomping chief, phyllis Cotter. Cotter was previously a math tutor, but their new mission is to divide the number of groundhogs in Tritown as public parks close. Just before the last Blackout, most groundhogs had no choice but to alter their habits and relocate. They have now moved into many Tritown homes and once they are in they are hard to get out. The stoppers have shown some early success, mostly due to their engaging message to the community, but in the end, cotter says the key to stopping those groundhogs is simple Everyone start stomping those groundhogs. The groundhogs could not be reached for comments.
Speaker 2:Are your devices listening to you? The Tritown Neighborhood Watch has issued a special notice that citizens be aware of a high likelihood that, yes, your devices are listening to you. Devices in your home may have the ability to recognize, record and respond to voice input. Generally, there is a spoken command that wakes up a device in order for you to input a voice command, but there have been several reported cases of devices always being on and always listening and even recording the everyday conversations of our citizens, which raises the obvious question what kind of example are you setting? Please be cognizant of the type of language you're using around your smart devices. Say please and thank you, be kind and be courteous If you haven't urged to use foul, rude or inappropriate language. Remember someone's listening and they matter.
Speaker 1:I always say please and thank you to my toaster. Thank you for the toast. Unfortunately, it's not big news when trash is dumped in the streets of Tritown, but a recent case has the residents lost in the sauce, as a large pile of pizza was found just over the fence line soaking up the rays at the Mood Haven public pool. City workers say there was pizza for everyone, from pepperoni to supreme and everything in between. Photos from the cities and prop two pizza parties sparked all sorts of reactions from the citizens, ranging from questions from who would do such a thing to why wasn't I personally invited? If you're hungry for some leftover pizza, do your part to help out Tritown. This is your official invitation to the party citizens. The police department is investigating and searching for the people responsible for this illegal dumping. Any groundhogs who help with the cleanup will be spared from the stopping initiative.
Speaker 2:That's a good news for those groundhogs it's official Favorite television program alone is returning. Season 984 will be returning once again to the neighboring ruins of City. Ten contestants armed only with the most basic survival gear go out and self-document the ultimate test of willpower by surviving alone for up to a hundred days. The last surviving contestant will receive a year supply of Marie Stu's canned meat, a year supply of I can't believe it's not water and, for the first time ever, a brand new home of tomorrow upgrade to their domicile.
Speaker 1:Well, you wouldn't catch me dead out.
Speaker 2:This has been the Tritown Bulletin Board brought to you by Cox Energy. The Cox Photo Contest rages on. Go to Coxcom for tips and tricks on lighting angles and even scene setting to take more flattering pictures of your Cox. Keep the photos coming. Tritown Today on Everything Matters a gift to you, dear listener, a special segment of mental health matters. This is a guided post-blackout meditation by guru Eileen Warnos. The census has been known to cause our residents feelings of loneliness, depression and existential dread. We here at Everything Matters are here for you. We're on your side and we want you to feel important to your community.
Speaker 4:Close your eyes, listen to the sounds. Everything, everything you say, everything you think, everything you've ever done, everything it all matters. Everyone you've ever met matters. Everything you said to them and everything you've done to them, everything matters. Everyone is thinking about every interaction you've ever had with them. Everything you feel matters. Everything others feel matters. Everything you do matters. Don't move a muscle, just listen, don't even breathe. This is the last moment of freedom you will ever have. Now that you know the truth, the next thing you do will always be the next thing you did. What if you do the wrong thing? It's important. The next thing you do matters. It all matters. So don't do anything for another moment. Just listen to the sounds, feel the weight of the universe. Let me breathe for you for another moment.
Speaker 4:Think now to something you did as a child. Maybe you were embarrassed, maybe someone told you you didn't matter. But you do matter. Everything matters. Maybe you were told that people would go on with their day without a second thought. That thing you did, it mattered. And everyone is still thinking about it. No one has forgotten you, even the people you only saw once. They remember you and you are important to them. That thing you did changed the lives of everyone around you. A butterfly can affect its environment for a millennia with the beat of its wings, and you are, oh so much more than a butterfly. Whatever you do next is going to ripple through eternity. I hope you still aren't breathing, and I hope you still haven't moved. Everything you don't do matters too. The empty spaces you have left on the timeline are what formed the valleys and the mountains of your actions, and now that you know this, you must breathe, you must move. Whatever you do next is important. Everything matters. It's all real and it never ends.
Speaker 1:That was Eileen Mordoz, with one of her patented guided meditations. I feel 100% more relaxed now, and I hope you do too. Listeners, remember folks, mental health really does matter. After the mysterious disappearance of my wife, I was in a real dark place. I mean, it's not easy when someone you love disappears to the middle of the night, leaving no trace of evidence and without any explanation. When the police showed up and started asking all those questions, I really didn't know what to tell them, and when they took me downtown and started interrogating me, I thought I might actually lose my mind. Eventually they had to let me go due to a total lack of any kind of substantial evidence. But when I returned to my empty home, things just felt even worse. Without Eileen's guided meditations to bring me back from the brink, I probably would have drank myself to death.
Speaker 1:Anyways, next we have Out and About Tritone, where this week I take a visit to Pat's Auditorium. Let's listen in. Welcome to another segment of Out and About Tritown. I'm Dale Dallas here today at Pat's Auditorium. Pat's has been a beloved part of the Tritown community for longer than most of us can even remember. You may recognize it as a location for our yearly Garbage Truck Appreciation Day. Now let's head inside and see what they've got in the store for us. Todd, would you grab the door for me?
Speaker 5:Oh gee, Dale, yeah, sure, let me get that.
Speaker 1:And here we are with odor. Pat Pat, why don't you tell us a bit about yourself in the store here?
Speaker 6:Hello, I'm Pat of Pat's Ponditorium. We've got everything you may be possibly potentially want need.
Speaker 1:Now, Pat's has been a staple in our community for some time now. How did you get the store started, Pat?
Speaker 6:Well, actually, dale, it's a funny story. It was actually the site of a long forgotten cult of. It came to me after a summoning ritual gone catastrophically wrong and I thought well, what would be more fitting than a pawn shop in the place where people pawn their souls in exchange for eldritch rights?
Speaker 1:Wow, that's some interesting history there.
Speaker 6:Yeah, on the third Tuesday of every second moon, you can still hear the chanting. We always do a buy one, get half sale that day to commemorate.
Speaker 1:You mean, buy one, get one half off.
Speaker 6:I don't understand the words you just said to me.
Speaker 1:Okay then. Well, what sort of items do you have here, pat?
Speaker 6:Oh well, we've got some lovely variety of things, Of course, in this open, this center front case. We've got a classy variety of rings. I don't know where they come from, but they're very classy. Wear them on all fingers.
Speaker 1:I'll bring it in next time.
Speaker 5:Hey Ma, where should I put this new gas mask? We already have so many out on display.
Speaker 6:Oh, my pride and joy. Come over here, meet Dale. Now this is my son, tony.
Speaker 1:Oh, hello there, Tony. Pat, I'm so sorry, I wasn't aware you had any children.
Speaker 6:Oh well, technically I didn't, tony. It was born to me 23 years two months and four days ago. No one ever came back for him, though, which suits me just fine, because you know, he's just like the son I never had.
Speaker 5:Ma stop it, You're embarrassing me.
Speaker 6:All right, all right, just go and add the mask to the display. It's got a very unique splatter pattern on it.
Speaker 1:Now, you see, that's interesting. I didn't realize you could pawn people. I wonder about our intern Todd here. Wait, what? What do you think, pat, could you trade for our intern? Looks like you've got some really interesting recording equipment we could use.
Speaker 6:All right, let me take a look here and I'll lift the arms and do a little twirl. All right, well, for an intern of his anxiety level, the best I could do is this rolled up cardboard. Oh gee, really.
Speaker 5:That's all.
Speaker 6:Now don't go knocking the cardboard. If you shout into this end here, you kind of sound louder.
Speaker 1:Now that could be helpful for our field recordings.
Speaker 5:You can't be serious. Dale, Dale.
Speaker 1:Well, what a trip that was Unfortunately legal, made it very clear that I wasn't allowed to pawn Todd, but it's just as well. I did eventually go back to pawn off some old wedding rings I had lying around. Pat's Ponditorium is located in downtown Pine Bridge at the intersection of Resurrection and Faust. Stop it and say I had a patent toadie for me. Tell Dale sent you.
Speaker 2:That's a wrap. Thank you, listeners, for tuning in. This has been another broadcast of Everything Matters and we'll see you next week. Remember, it's all real, it all matters and it never ends. Now a word from intern Todd.
Speaker 5:Thanks for listening to Everything Matters. This is intern Todd. Everything Matters is a part of the Homebrew Network. If you're listening from the 21st century, you could really help us grow by leaving us a review on Spotify and Apple podcasts. The algorithm god hungers greatly and saving him can be a full-time job, so leave us a review on Spotify and Apple. If you leave a review as a resident of Tritown, without breaking the fourth wall, Dale and Mike might read your review on the show. Just make sure you don't, you know, give anything away that you're from the 21st century or that could really, you know, break Mike and Dale's minds. Yeah, links are at EverythingMattersPodcom. If you're listening from the 22nd and 24th century, you can review us on Musknet in exchange for one kudo. 25th to 29th century please get off the internet immediately. Using the internet poses a public safety hazard. All other centuries. Call 1-800-MATTERS if it is safe to do so. Again, that's EverythingMattersPodcom.