Uh, hey, uh, Mike. Um, hey, did you uh? What's up, Dale? Well, I uh. So I had this egg salad sandwich in the mini fridge. It was in a Tupperware and it had my name on it.
Speaker 2:That's, that's Riveting Dale. Thanks for the update.
Speaker 1:No, no no, no, no, no, it's gone, and I was just curious if you knew what happened to it.
Speaker 2:Uh, no, I don't. I have not seen an egg salad sandwich that I can recall.
Speaker 1:Okay, I mean, if you did have some, it's totally okay. I just kinda would want you to ask about it first.
Speaker 2:Dale, I don't eat anything that doesn't have meat in it.
Speaker 1:You know that Right but I mean it clearly had my name on it.
Speaker 2:Oh, we got a red light. Dale places people. Good morning, Tritown. I'm Michael Tor and I'm Dale Dallas, and this is Everything Matters. It's a chilly harvest day in Pine Bridge, Moonhaven and Threadington and the ghouls, ghosts and goblins are stirring in anticipation of all hallows. So, Wayne, Halloween. How's your altar coming, Dale? It's going great.
Speaker 1:I've got a whole fistful of human teeth.
Speaker 2:It is time for the Tritown Bulletin Board, brought to you by Cox Energy.
Speaker 1:Tritown is looking for a new city warlock. Are you up for the job, malachi? Shadowcaster was once known as the warlock of Tritown, but the position has become vacant. Shadowcaster was receiving an annual salary of 50k per year to provide black magic and other services for the city Until earlier this year, when it was discovered Shadowcaster had been engaging in practices found unbecoming of the city of Tritown. Following the discovery of Grossmiss conduct, the authorities have decided to terminate the contract with Shadowcaster. The city is currently seeking a new warlock to take up the position. The decision was made with a heavy heart, as Shadowcaster was believed to have performed remarkably well until the discovery of his crimes. Shadowcaster says, even though he was removed from the position, he will not stop. It makes no difference. I will continue my rituals in private. He said they will have to literally kill me to stop me.
Speaker 2:Well, dale, perhaps it's your chance to moonlight as Tritown's city warlock. No, you've had your eye on that for a while. Oh, I'm hardly qualified, mike. Public service announcement. Do not open any unaddressed letters you might find in your mailbox, slit under your door or taped to your bathroom mirror. Residents report occurrences of strange envelopes appearing in residents' homes, letters that have no address or return information. Written on the envelopes are questions such as are you alone, are you hiding or are you cold? We ask all residents to ensure they do not open these and report them to the Tritown neighborhood watch immediately. Tritown Mailroom announces immediate job openings in spam filtration.
Speaker 1:Mike, I got one of those letters the other day and it said shivered up my spine Did you see the fireball last night? Experts are offering a reward of $20,000 for the location of the meteorite that flew over Tritown. When the highly sought-after space rock was shot out of the sky, it shattered into tiny pieces. These shards were then spread all over the region by strong winds that reached up to 100 miles per hour. Scientists are interested in finding the impact site, but also in purchasing these fragments. If you or a loved one is fortunate enough to find a piece, contact us here, and everything matters to claim your reward. You might wonder what to look for when hunting for meteorites. Experts suggest chemical composition testing is the most effective way to determine what you've got, but here are some clues that can point you in the right direction. Meteorites and their shards tend to be heavy and magnetic, with shallow pits on their surfaces, but not holes. They are densely packed inside. They can be oddly shaped and usually are smooth and not have a scratchy exterior.
Speaker 2:Wow, $20,000. What is a dollar Dale? I think there's some kind of currency bank Interesting. The arachnid Cold War rages on in Tritown but in a reversal of previous policy, the Tritown Neighborhood Watch withdraws its request that residents go out of their way to knock down spider webs built across public walkways. Apparently, this demonstration of superiority is triggering a process of natural selection, causing spiders to evolve to become more intelligent, reclusive and crafty. Stay safe, tritown.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can believe that, Mike. I used to get a lot of wall spiders and then I killed them all. Now I just keep getting all these floor spiders what has three arts, eight arms and is used to make vodka. If you guessed octopus, you are correct.
Speaker 1:Octopuses are an invasive species that have plagued Tritown's marine life for ages. However, a local distillery finally has a solution. We can all enjoy Octopus vodka. Octopuses think they are so great and in high time they learned who the apex predator is around here, says Inkwell Distillery's president and founder, otto Inkwell. The octopuses in Tritown are highly successful as an invasive species. A single octopus can consume around 40 shrimp per day. Considering the significant population of octopuses in the waters of your Tritown, it's obvious that we're going to run out of shrimp. According to Otto, vodka is just the hook to get people informed. The real purpose of creative projects like this is to raise awareness about a problem. The more people learn about it, the higher the chances of coming up with innovative solutions. By spreading the word, we may inspire someone to think of an idea that no one has ever considered before. What do you think? Would you try octopus?
Speaker 2:vodka, mike, I'll try anything once. It's too bad to hear about the shrimp. I really enjoy my shrimp moose.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I really love those shrimp cord dogs.
Speaker 2:Shrimp everything, dale. Tritown's sex education coordinator, richard Hung, would like to remind everyone to make sure you bring protection on any first dates. Unfortunately, tritown has seen a string of incidents that could have been easily avoided with some preparation and peace of mind. Be responsible. If you're not 100% sure who or what you're dating, at least bring a knife. It might just save your life. I keep that strap on me, mike. This has been the Tritown Bulletin Board brought to you by Cox Energy. You love Cox, we love Cox, everyone loves Cox. So why can't we have more Good news? Tritown With Powered your Homes and now we're going to power your body Introducing Cox Energy Drinks. You'll be able to do anything after you've guzzled some Cox. Supply is limited, so rush to your local convenience store and demand that they get out their Cox Energy Drinks.
Speaker 1:On this week's edition of Everything Matters, we dive deep in the mysterious money hole on a segment of the Sacred Hidden Pass in Tritown, but first taking safety seriously with Dr Daniel Leeds.
Speaker 2:This is Dr Daniel Leeds and another segment of Taking Safety Seriously. Today I will be reviewing Safety Article 00314, the Endless Trail. This is a statement from Park Ranger Jeb Marshall, shared, of course, with his permission. The Endless Trail is a reported occurrence in the southern Pine Bridge Forest, in the trails along the Lethy River and spillways that stretch to the Pine Bridge Dam, and yet another reminder that the safest choice is always going to be stay inside, stay safe and stay sane, but at the very least, don't be out after dark. With no further ado, this is Park Ranger Jeb Marshall.
Speaker 4:Well, I'll tell you all about the first time I found myself on the endless trail. Doc, I think that's the place to start.
Speaker 2:That's perfectly acceptable, chip. Why don't you guide this session and tell your story, and I'll just facilitate.
Speaker 4:Well, the first time I got myself lost which doesn't happen often, mind you was when I was after old Mrs Wigginbottom's cat. You see, Mrs Wigginbottom was all riled up and in a panic. It was getting real late and Snookum Wookums had ran off into the treeline. We all know not to be out after dark and I don't know something about the poor old widows. Pleas for help just got past my better sense, so I ran off into the forest. I've always told folk that the forest has its own way of speaking, A might different from the preservation park or the mace of trails. You really got to listen in these pine barrens, Listen to the whispering between the leaves, the creeks of the old pines, Follow what critters are coming and which are going. But the first night I found myself there the woods were silent, as if I'd wandered into some sort of abyss. I had gone into the forest armed with my keen senses and yet I didn't hear anything at all, let alone a cat. Where are the critters? The rustling of the leaves? You ever heard? Complete silence, Doc.
Speaker 2:Describe it to me.
Speaker 4:Well, that's just it, I can't. I mean, if you listen real good, you hear something, even if it's just the wind or the ambience of the regular world. It's honestly a little unsettling, which made my heartbeat quicker, which, quite honestly, was getting louder and faster the more I took notice of it About, when I realized how well deafening the silence was. The dark fell. You think with all my experience I'd have learned to always carry a backup torch, but there I was, surrounded by an infinite sea of trees.
Speaker 4:No moon, no stars, Just well the dark. A sheet of dark what's so thick you could cut it with a knife. I could only see maybe a few feet in front of me, enough to stay on the trail and watch the trees around me. It's odd. I've been in these woods countless times, but that night was different. The path that was once familiar seemed to vanish. The landmarks I've come to trust were nowhere in sight.
Speaker 4:I realized I was taking quite a few left turns. I wouldn't say I had the trail memorized, but I knew it well enough to not recognize that. I marked the tree after my six or seven left, just for my sanity. But that certainly didn't help, as four left turns later I did not see that tree. Was I spiraling outward Himward? I had the thought why not turn back? But for some reason the idea of going in a verse had felt… just felt wrong Scared me. I have since tried, and I can tell you, my will to do so wanes by the second. I get dizzy. The trees start to bend and spin and there's… well, something back there.
Speaker 2:What's that mean, Jeff? What do you mean? Something's back there.
Speaker 4:I don't know, it's hard to describe. There's just something back there wandering that trail and it wouldn't be good if we crossed paths. The first time I was on those trails, time stretched well beyond when the sun should have come back up, but it didn't. It's the same old darkness. After a long time of wandering and by long I mean long the sounds rushed back, the wind hit me and sure enough I snapped out of whatever trance or fog I was in. I got just down the way with snookum-wookums, halfway up a pine, and the sun was just setting. Losing my sense of time on top of everything else was unsettling, but I survived in traversed force.
Speaker 2:So that was the first time you experienced this phenomenon, correct, Jeff?
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's right, Doc.
Speaker 2:And how many times have you been on this endless trail since?
Speaker 4:Well, I'd say at least a dozen, a very in lengths.
Speaker 2:And you mentioned, it's changed.
Speaker 4:A bit. Yeah, the silence and the darker are always the same. It's always those God-forsaken left turns. But a couple of landmarks have developed and that's kinda why I felt the need to see you, doc. Not something I do lightly, seeking help.
Speaker 2:I understand, so tell me about the sights.
Speaker 4:Well, the first stop is hard to describe. The trail is all left, but to the right I see a light, a way's off over some hills, a cabin, as the trees thud and the path cuts towards the cabin. I see lights in the windows, sometimes a shadow.
Speaker 2:And what's in the cabin, jeff, I can't bring myself to get that far, doc.
Speaker 4:The cabin is an exact replica of my childhood home and there's a silhouette in the window that would've been mine, looking off into the woods where I grew up. I remember as a child seeing a man in the woods looking at my home. He was watching me, scared me at first, but eventually it felt as if we became acquainted Real bad diets. And seeing him in the woods looking on, watching over, making sure everything was alright, I feel a duty to stop it and watch for a while, give that shadow the same piece of mind that man in the woods gave me. I'm sure that sounds a little silly.
Speaker 2:Of course not.
Speaker 4:Well, the second side is a clearing with a twisted blackjack oak in the center. First time I saw that side it was just a tree. Second time it had a coil of rope Progressing all the way until I had to walk by hanging man Last four or five times at least. I can't look right at the man. Obviously my imagination goes wild and I wonder what kind of twisted or a boar's trail I've found myself on. I fear it's me, but I have no evidence and I could just look. But it's almost like I'd rather not know.
Speaker 2:Visions like that can mean many things, Jeb, and don't worry, they're not uncommon.
Speaker 4:Visions, huh, so I'm just dreaming it.
Speaker 2:Well, that's the simplest explanation which, off times, I've found is the correct explanation.
Speaker 4:Well, here's the finale to my tale, doc, and the reason I'm here to visit now after all these years. It was not. There was a beat-up old green pickup lodged in a tree off the driveway, beer cans and moonshine bottles on the ground leading up to the cabin, a scene I remember quite vividly as a youngin. I don't really feel like getting into the details of the night.
Speaker 2:I understand Whatever you're comfortable with Chep.
Speaker 4:Well, as a child, the last time I saw that cabin that has returned to me in these visions, a man broke in, scared off my father with a machete, took me into the woods. Now, this was quite a while ago, mind you. I was never quite sure how it went down. Memory is the strangest thing, especially old memories filled with emotion. But that man led me through the woods and said to go on ahead when town was inside. That's how I came to reside here in Tritown. I don't remember why it didn't come with me or what it looked like. Now I didn't have my machete on me the night when I saw that green pickup. I wished I did, and I think I'm going to start carrying that particular instrument with me more often in case the endless trail rears its ugly head again.
Speaker 2:That was the statement of Park Ranger Jeb Marshall regarding safety article 00314, the Endless Trail. He is not the first or only individual to have reported this occurrence around the Pine Bridge Dam, but thankfully he was willing to share his experience so that we can help keep Tritown safe. What's the lesson here? Don't be out after dark Tritown, and if you must be, don't wander. If you still find yourself on an endless trail, keep your head down. Watch your feet. Do not look to the left or right. Just keep walking. Do not try to turn back. You'll come out eventually. Just don't look at the lights. This has been Taking Safety Seriously. I'm Dr Daniel Leeds. Thank you to Everything Matters for having me.
Speaker 1:Greetings, dear listeners. I'm Dale Dallas and I'm embarking on a mission to unravel the sacred, hidden past of Tritown. Our city holds a secret past shrouded in darkness. The legend has it that the three neighboring municipalities that formed Tritown hide an intricate web of historical mysteries. Among these hushed legends are whispers of a hidden treasure concealed within the depths of Tritown's oldest swamplands, where the murky waters hold secrets to a mysterious fortune that is a vain in treasure seekers.
Speaker 1:For as long as anyone can recall, the Tritown moneyhole is no ordinary place. Its enigmatic aura has intrigued people for years. Stories of hauntings and strange lights have only added to its mystique. Despite the widespread belief that no treasure will ever be found, the mystery surrounding this place only adds to its allure. The renowned cartographer Enoch Quibbler called it the Quibble Bog on his early maps. However, the term the moneyhole has been used in land transfer deeds since the town's founding. Mr Ports credited the discovery of Tritown's moneyhole as having occurred when a group of elderly men wandering around the swamp stumbled upon a large circle of standing stones. This group uncovered the hole and, as they continued to dig, came across logs, cobblestone and even monolithic platforms. Unknownly, they had just launched what would become Tritown's longest and most expensive treasure hunt. These men eventually purchased the surrounding land. One of them, liam Fitzgerald, came to own a total of nine lots, making him for a time Tritown's biggest landowner.
Speaker 1:For as long as people have known of its existence, there have been accusations that the gentleman who discovered the moneyhole did in fact find some kind of treasure there which could explain their sudden prosperity. Even in the face of such accusations, the hunt has never stopped and over the years, treasure hunters have improved their tools, upgrading from simple shovels and picks to more advanced equipment such as steam pumps, drill bits, bulldozers, open pit mining and state-of-the-art technology. Despite the constant challenges posed by flooding and cave-ins, these hunters remain undeterred in their quest for treasure. The persistent flooding and strange bits of wood and clay are strong indications that the area is concealing an intricate and elaborate system of secret tunnels, multi-layer platforms and even caverns infested with goblins. Treasure hunters are convinced that there is no doubt about the existence of this complex network.
Speaker 1:Whoever created the moneyhole was truly remarkable. They took off the daunting task of digging a hole hundreds of feet deep in the flint-like clay of Tritown and succeeded. Even more impressive is the intricate system of drains they designed and constructed, connecting the muddy hole to lava tubes in a way that has outmatched countless treasure hunters. It's clear that this vault was built to withstand even the most determined attempts at intrusion. William Prescott and Charles Manning are the latest to have bought the land, and their relentless search has led to some truly remarkable discoveries. These include man-made structures that predate the founding of Tritown, evidence of ancient scrolls and tomes, a huge glowing emerald and a very disturbing marble sculpture.
Speaker 1:That wraps up our segment about the Tritown Muddy Hole, a unique mystery that continues to confound would-be treasure hunters to this day. Stay tuned for more intriguing stories from our town's enigmatic past. If you'd like to learn more about the Tritown Muddy Hole, I suggest checking out these books from your local library. Only I know the truth about the Muddy Hole by Maeve O'Sullivan the Muddy Hole of Tritown the story of the world's largest treasure hunt, my Connor Murphy. And the Tritown Muddy Hole Mystery Solved by Malcolm Evergreen and Lindsay Nightshade.
Speaker 1:This has been another broadcast of Everything Matters. Remember, it's all real, it all matters and it never ends. Now word from Intern Todd.
Speaker 3:Thanks for listening to Everything Matters. This is Intern Todd. Everything Matters is a part of the Homebrew Network. If you're listening from the 21st century, you could really help us grow by leaving us a review on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. The algorithm god Hungers greatly and saving him can be a full-time job, so leave us a review on Spotify and Apple. If you leave a review as a resident of Tritown, without breaking the fourth wall, dale and Mike might read your review on the show. Just make sure you don't give anything away that you're from the 21st century or that could really break Mike and Dale's minds. Yeah, links are at EverythingMattersPodcom. If you're listening from the 22nd and 24th century, you can review us on Musknet in exchange for one kudo. 25th to 29th century. Please get off the internet immediately. Using the internet poses a public safety hazard All other centuries. Call 1-800-MATTERS if it is safe to do so. Again, that's EverythingMattersPodcom.