Good morning, tritown. I'm Michael Torr and I'm Dale Dallas, and this is Everything Matters. Hey, dale. Uh yeah, mike, do you want to do the last line of the intro? No of course not.
Speaker 2:I think that's your baby.
Speaker 1:Okay, because every time I say the line and this is Everything Matters you always say it uh too, if you want to do that line?
Speaker 2:No, no, look, I just thought it added a little spice to the whole deal. You know like to really show that we've been broadcasting together by making it really sound rehearsed, you know.
Speaker 1:Uh sure, we've never rehearsed, though, and honestly it just doesn't sound great Like we're not nailing the unison part. I don't know, mike, I always thought it sounded pretty good.
Speaker 2:I don't hear anything wrong myself.
Speaker 1:What if we pre-recorded it and, just like, got it kind of perfectly lined up?
Speaker 2:I don't know. That seems dishonest. Mike, everything Matters is a live show, right?
Speaker 1:Okay, um, I'm just gonna do the intro then. Unless you want to do it, then I'll just do it. Dale, is that? Okay, I'll do the intro.
Speaker 2:Yeah, go ahead, shoot Cut.
Speaker 1:Good morning, tritown. I'm Michael Tor and I'm Dale Dallas, and this is Everything Matters. Dale, you did it again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm sorry about that, Mike. Old habits Tyard.
Speaker 1:Old habits. You just started doing it like two months ago. I hope you're all keeping warm Tritown back from a small break there for the full moon. Oh, how we missed you. Let's just jump right into the Tritown Bulletin Board brought to you by Cox Energy.
Speaker 2:This week five young purebred bulls turned up dead at the Lost Creek Ranch, their body parts precisely removed and their blood mysteriously drained. Park ranger Jeb Marshall has been looking into the killings. It's unsettling when you stumble upon one of these dead bulls. It's hot and still out in these woods. The bull is like a massive beef-flavored canoe, ready to set sail on the Great Gravy River. Strangely, no buzzards or coyotes or other scavengers are anywhere in sight. The tug-and-organs have been surgically removed and although his coat seems shiny as if he were head down to the fair, he's completely bloodless.
Speaker 2:In this isolated country it can occasionally take the ranch's seasoned cowboys days to locate these bulls. Employees on the ranch are now expected to ride in pairs that are urged to carry the heavy firearms. It's rugged out there, says Jeb. I mean, it's the frontier. If some person or person has the ability to take down a 2,000-pound range bull, you know it's not inconceivable that they wouldn't have a lot of problems dealing with a 180-pound cowboy. Marshall says the case has been really difficult due to lack of solid leads and very little evidence. He has a running list of popular theories, but it's obvious that it's not wolves, bears, cougars or toxic plants, and the animals weren't shot. If you have any information, contact us here, and everything matters.
Speaker 1:Dale. One anonymous caller told us to look for depressions under the carcass. The theory there is that if an alien ship beams the cow up and then do whatever they're doing to the organs, they just drop what's left at a pretty good height.
Speaker 2:Oh, we'll have to have.
Speaker 1:Jeb check on that. Continuing the string of sudden job openings cropping up around Tritown, astronomer and self-proclaimed moonerologist, adolf Augustine has been arrested and placed on indefinite administrative leave due to the suspicions that his credentials were forged. The Tritown Neighborhood Watch has released a statement saying Dr Augustine might not be a moonerologist at all. Last week's sudden and unexpected full moon wreaked havoc on Tritown. Hundreds of ripped shirts and a new slew of blood stains around Tritown.
Speaker 2:Someone better call the Reese too. Looks like we finally got some good news. Tritown has secured an emergency supply of mummies. The Pied Bridge mummified group, higdon Bowery, recently announced that it will be releasing one-third of its strategic mummy stockpile. Pied Bridge produces nearly 80% of the Tritown mummy supply. However, this year they were unable to keep up due to city-wide demand, which increased the whopping 29% compared to last year.
Speaker 2:Mubbification is a seasonal process that takes several years to complete and it can only be performed under specific environmental conditions. The recent decline in the city's death toll has resulted in a low yield for producers. That's why the reserve is made, so we never miss out on that good stuff. Besides, the ramifications would be catastrophic, says Grace Melinger, the Higdon Bowery communication director. Although it's difficult to predict next year's crop, they're already planning for the future. We've crunched some numbers and, from what we can figure at this moment, maybe the calling year in Pied Bridge will start a little bit earlier than usual, but it should end sooner as well. So go ahead and start topping off those drinks with that good good stuff this weekend everyone.
Speaker 1:Someone needs to invent some do-it-yourself kits. I would love to add mummy dust to my greenhouse. I'm sure you all know Tritown is in the midst of a skilled labor crisis, prompting the Tritown City Council to announce a job retraining program. This six-week intensive VR-assisted program will give you a crash course in your exciting new career. We have Jobs Galore. Ever dreamed of being a dentist, perhaps a surgeon, maybe even a scientist? You could be at your dream job in just six short weeks. Openings in law enforcement, medicine, civil service, logistics and more. Call 1-800-NEW JOBS and tell them everything matters, since you.
Speaker 2:It'd be really great if we could get a new dentist here in town. The last one really did a number on my teeth. This morning a man was arrested after firing his crossbow from his balcony into the streets of Pied Bridge. In this dangerous and confusing event, two people were killed and another was injured. The Pied Bridge Constableery were initially called to the apartment building for a port of the stabbing incident Monday morning. The Constableery have released very few details about what happened, saying their investigation is still ongoing. It seems clear that the situation escalated rapidly after a call from the stabbing turned into a brief standoff with the Constableery involving a crossbow. Video from the scene shows the man seemingly firing bolts from the balcony. In a brief footage, at least one gunshot rings out as well. Police Chief Bradley Stockard says that officers had been forced to use their weapons. The Constableery have not publicly identified anyone involved in the case, other than to say the suspect was one of the 28-year-old men who live in the city.
Speaker 1:Dale, constableery, constableery.
Speaker 2:Constableery, that's what I said, Constableery oh good job, you got it there.
Speaker 1:One more time, Constableery.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, Cas-ta-blur-y, Cas-ta-bull.
Speaker 1:Good enough, dale Skin skin. We're all so glad that we've got skin. Although it wears and sometimes tears, there's no better ways to keep our insides in. You all know that we at Everything Matters are huge proponents of skin and we're happy to report that an independent study has found nine out of 10 doctors now recommend leaving your skin on Skin. Fans from all over Tritown are celebrating the reaffirmation and scientific support from the medical community.
Speaker 2:Let's crazy to hear that, Mike. I always take my skin off before bed, but I guess I'll have to stop.
Speaker 1:This has been Everything Matters brought to you by Cox Energy. This Halloween ice cream. You scream, we all scream for Cox Cream. Stop by Tritown Square at the intersections of Moonhaven, threadington and Pine Bridge and get yourself a free scoop of pumpkin flavored Cox ice cream. On today's Everything Matters. It's Halloween Candies, ghouls, goblins, ghosts, spirits, revenge, more candy, trickery all on Tritown's favorite holiday. We all know the spirits bound to their final resting place. Get to roam free. So please be respectful of this special night and make sure you leave your porch lights on so everyone can find their way in the dark. For Everything Matters Halloween special. I mixed things up a bit this year. Forget haunted houses, forget ghost stories. This year I've reached out to several Tritown residents to hear all about their possessed items. But first Dale has a special edition of Out and About Tritown.
Speaker 2:Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a special edition of Out and About Tritown. Tonight I have a rare opportunity to witness an exorcism. Dr Daniel Leeds, an experienced exorcist in his own right, is about to confront a demonic presence. Please be advised this content may be unsettling to some listeners. Good evening listeners. I'm Dale Dallas, and tonight I find myself at the Serenity Ridge Wellness Hospital where we're accompanying Dr Daniel Leeds on his latest investigation. Thanks for letting us sit in, doc.
Speaker 1:Um yeah, welcome, dale. What we have here is someone who is completely under the control of an otherworldly force. If you're going to stay with me, dale, I need you to keep some distance. I need you to keep your eyes on your exit at all times and I please need you to make sure that you are. If I say go, you have to listen to me. I'm worried for your safety.
Speaker 2:Dale, I completely understand that. I am ready to run in a moment's notice Now. Could you give us a bit of a description of some of the signs and symptoms we might see here that would suggest someone is possessed by a demon?
Speaker 1:I don't love the word demon Dale. Signs of otherworldly possession can include significant shifts in personality, strong dislike of what we'll call sacred objects. So think your average cross, or even a pentagram, holy texts, things of those nature. They might speak in a language that's unfamiliar and oftentimes the victims will display just inhuman strength. It is important that you seek professional help to assess the situation. These symptoms could be indicative of other syndromes, other conditions, not always demonic possession, not always otherworldly influence. So please seek the help you need. Your loved ones would rather attend your exorcism than attend your funeral.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, doctor. I completely agree. Now I'm not very familiar with paranormal investigations like this, but could you give me a bit of a rundown of your approach? What are some of the steps involved?
Speaker 1:An investigation into otherworldly influence or the paranormal or the demonic, as you said, always begins with collecting data. We use specialized equipment to measure EMF infrared digital voice recorders. These tools help us measure the environment and record unusual occurrence. Very often you will see the area around the subject react before you'll see any symptoms in the subject themselves. To rule out any natural explanations, we always set up control conditions, so scanning the area for interference and other strange sources. What if we had a person who was not possessed but the room was haunted? We could give us a false positive. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2:That makes a lot of sense to me. We always like to get first person research too.
Speaker 1:So interviews, eyewitness testimonies the people who know you best are going to be able to tell us what is normal and what is a paranormal occurrence.
Speaker 2:Speaking of with us today are several members of the possessed individual's family. It's very clear that this is a challenging time for them. Do you have any thoughts or emotions before we get started here, doctor?
Speaker 1:My sympathies are with the victim and their family, but no, I feel no emotion. I have been preparing myself for this moment for hours, and if you go into an exorcism with feelings, that is just a doorway for the otherworldly to just jump right into you, just right down your throat. So no, no emotions still.
Speaker 2:Do you have any idea, Dr Leeds, how the possessed even became infected with this dark presence?
Speaker 1:Um. Honestly, my current theory is that the victim was drawn into the situation by not adhering to mirror safety protocol. These forces can manipulate and transfer on reflective surfaces and, in this case, the victim, we believe engaged in a series of activities that involved looking into mirrors for prolonged periods without awareness or protection. Prologmere gazing can trigger a psychological response known as the Troxler effect, causing distorted perceptions.
Speaker 2:I believe this to be much more than just that, though Can you elaborate at all on what sorts of activities these were Um?
Speaker 1:we can't know for sure, but often times victims are seeking answers and connections to the supernatural, and perceiving oneself, especially in a reflective surface or a mirror, is actually tied to ancient divination and scrying rituals. Mirror gazing and glances can be done with precautions, but we believe this individual ventured in without the necessary understandings and safeguards and following the protocols that we all know and love for mirror safety.
Speaker 2:Wow, Doctor, that is a critical reminder that even seemingly innocent actions like that can have profound consequences.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Dale. It underscores the importance of mirror safety and being aware of potential risks. This person's experience can serve as a powerful cautionary tale, which is why I agreed to let you shadow me.
Speaker 2:Dale. Alright, well, I'm out of questions, so I'm ready to get started whenever you are. I watch closely over Dr Lean's shoulder as he begins his metaphysical battle. The procedure involves having his team recite some powerful incantations commanding the demon to leave by calling its name. The editing does seem to be resisting, but the doctor and his team are quite determined to win.
Speaker 2:As this possessed old woman rides and convulses. The intensity of the experience is undeniable. Doctor, it's clear this is a rather challenging process for you. Can you walk us through some of the steps of what you're doing here? Uh yeah.
Speaker 1:Dale, exorcisms like this involve several, uh God, uh, several steps. Uh, this entity is really fighting to hold its grip. You've, dale, you've been here to all mere safety protocols, correct?
Speaker 2:Um, I don't know why you'd ask me that right now. Of course I am.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right. We're in the stages of extreme fear, confusion, pain. As we progress. There could be some moments of clarity. They could uh plead or express desire to be free, or even try to trick us that the process is over.
Speaker 4:Oh, pl-please Help me. Oh, it hurts, make it, stop the exorcism seems to be working, Doc.
Speaker 5:What happens after this?
Speaker 1:Dale, I think I need your help. If you can hold down that arm please, oh, right away. Absolutely Be careful. There's some claws growing out. I'd like to try tapping into some advanced technology. I have this Soul Shredder device. I'd like to attempt to eliminate the entity altogether. Um, we're going to start to see some signs of the entity's departure. Dale, you got a good grip. As good as it's gonna get All right, turn on the Soul Shredder. It's coming, dale, Dale keep your eyes open. Dale.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, I don't know what's going on. Where are you looking?
Speaker 1:Dale, look at me.
Speaker 3:Okay, whew.
Speaker 2:Oh, that surely was something Quite an experience. I don't think I'll be forgetting any time soon. Shit.
Speaker 1:Oh, it really takes it out of me.
Speaker 2:I think you got it. How are you not exhausted, dale? Well, I didn't really do too much. Um well, thanks for the evidence, dr Leeds. This truly shows, um quite the dedication to your uh profession here. I'll make sure to follow up with you and the family uh the coming day, the Seattle Woods Recovery. Thank you for joining us on this special broadcast listeners. Unfortunately, I have learned that the possessed individual passed away. Exorcism is a very rigorous process that many do not survive. The constability is still looking for the corpse. Be cautious when dealing with reflective surfaces. Be sure to follow Dr Leeds' mere safety tips and report any suspected possessed individuals to the Tritow neighborhood watch.
Speaker 1:Ooh, just kidding Tritow, it's just me, michael Tor. Hello, dear listeners, we all know places and people can be possessed, but did you know that objects can be subject to otherworldly influence? And I'm not just talking about mirrors. So pull up a chair, turn out the lights and pour yourself a glass of pumpkin milk. Let's get ready for some scares. First up, we'll visit Pat from Pat's Pondatorium.
Speaker 3:Hello, michael, pleased to meet you. I'm a huge fan of the show. Dale was such a sweetheart when he came last.
Speaker 1:Ah, he is in fact one of the good ones. Uh, pleased to meet you. Pat Dale told me about a very interesting item that you have in stock.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's right. He told me all about your upcoming Halloween special and, oh boy, do I have a fun one for ya.
Speaker 1:Alright, let's see it, pat.
Speaker 3:Alright, here you go.
Speaker 1:What is that? Is that a camera Say cheese, what's cheese? Oh, that hurt my eyes, pat.
Speaker 3:Well, there he is. Take a look at that picture.
Speaker 1:Alright, oh.
Speaker 3:Mike, now calm down. You're going to give yourself whiplash.
Speaker 1:What is this? Is a bunny standing behind me.
Speaker 3:Well, I would describe him more as a humanoid creature in a bunny suit or anthropomorphic bunny creature. But yeah, that's the gist of it.
Speaker 1:That is just unsettling Pat.
Speaker 3:Yeah, try me now.
Speaker 1:Alright, okay, so just hold it up like this. And oh wow, there it is, A man in a bunny suit is standing behind you.
Speaker 3:Well, yeah, every picture this thing takes has a bunny creature in the background. It's spooky, isn't it?
Speaker 1:That's very spooky indeed, pat. I don't think this is what rabbit's teeth look like, though Next up, we're here with Bernie Bunsen in his famous home of tomorrow.
Speaker 7:Yes, hello there, Mike. It's me, Bernie Bunsen, living it up in my home of tomorrow.
Speaker 1:Indeed, bernie, you have a fun object, I hear, to scare and delight arc listeners at home.
Speaker 7:Righto, I surely do Right this way, Mike. What a beautiful home. Well, thank you, Mike, I appreciate that. So here. Well, look, be home. What do we have here? A normal blender, right?
Speaker 1:It. Yeah, it looks just like a blender.
Speaker 7:So you'll notice I have it unplugged. Go ahead, mike, plug it in, make us a smoothie. I've put out a variety of ingredients for you From the fridge of tomorrow, all fresh and perfect temperature.
Speaker 1:All right, I'm fiddling with some things. Ah, great choices. Ah yeah, I'm gonna do some of these fruits here. Fruit juice is excellent. Maybe some greens Marie stew would approve.
Speaker 7:Nothing like some fresh greenery Kept crisp and up to 34% longer in the fridge of tomorrow.
Speaker 1:All right, I think this is my smoothie, bernie.
Speaker 7:All right, well go ahead and turn it on Mike Flip the switch.
Speaker 1:Hmm, there must be some sort of trick to it, bernie, it's not starting Listen very closely, Mike. Listen. Oh, I got some sort of a chant or a ritual or something.
Speaker 7:Mike, go ahead and close your eyes. Listen very carefully. What are you here?
Speaker 1:Okay, well, well, bernie, now that you mention it, this is a strange feeling, but I have a sudden urge to add this meat you set out to this smoothie and there you have it. Okay, wow, that's really unsettling, bernie.
Speaker 7:This blender wants meat. The bloodier the better. Straight off the bone.
Speaker 1:I kind of want to put my hand in it.
Speaker 7:Well, I certainly don't recommend you do that. It's quite hungry.
Speaker 1:Oh, bernie, really want to put my hand in this, or I mean, it doesn't have to be my hand, it could be any hand. Really Do we have to see?
Speaker 7:that, mike, pull yourself together, buddy, you're losing it.
Speaker 1:Well, that certainly was possessed. Thanks, Bernie, for that paranormal experience.
Speaker 7:Anytime.
Speaker 1:Now, on our Halloween journey, we're going to head all the way across town to Pine Bridge, where local mail carrier Jordan Flemmeronischkeva has reported yet another piece of paranormal paraphernalia Jordan, hello there, it's Michael Tor.
Speaker 6:Mike. Hello, I am so excited. I have never been on radio before. I'm a little bit nervous.
Speaker 1:Oh, don't fret Jordan, it's Halloween. There's plenty of other things to be scared of.
Speaker 6:Oh watch your head there. Okay, so I have taken to Jordaning lately. Doctor Leeds suggested it after I started to experience a how do you say a time loss.
Speaker 1:A very noble endeavor, Jordan.
Speaker 6:And here is the object in question.
Speaker 1:All right, so listeners, this just looks like a normal notebook. It does. It has a little lock on it, almost like a journal or a diary.
Speaker 6:Oh, yes, right, Of course, but I was looking back through some of my entries and I have found that every time I write an experience in here and I lock it, it gets changed Changed. Yes, here you try. Oh, are you sure? Yeah, go for it.
Speaker 1:All right, oh well, so let's see I'm gonna write. I am here with Jordan Flamronischkova to inspect a potentially haunted notebook.
Speaker 6:Wow, impressive. I cannot believe you spelled my name right. Okay, wow, so go ahead and shut it and lock it. Okay, now just wait for a Second and then open it back up.
Speaker 1:Okay, listeners, I am opening the notebook. I'm flipping back to the page. All right, here we go. I am here with Jordan Flamronischkova to inspect a potentially haunted notebook. Wow, jordan, there's more here now. It says there's someone else in the room with us. I know, if I look away I will forget it. It's beautiful, it's terrifying. I want to go with it, but it's not time, I'm not ready, I must, okay. And then it just trails off Jordan. What a trick that is so unsettling.
Speaker 6:I know right, and it's just pages and pages of stuff like this. Every time I record an experience and add this spooky kind of stuff, all sorts of things that I definitely, definitely did not experience. What a find.
Speaker 1:What a truly haunted find, Jordan. Thank you so much for contributing to our Halloween special. Next up, we are back with recurring guest and everyone's favorite mining expert and grocer, Linda Kali. Linda, good to see you again.
Speaker 5:Hello, michael, glad to be back.
Speaker 1:We are at Linda Kali's home recording and it's very late at night. Linda assured us that we needed to time our visit carefully if we wanted to see her item in action. So, Linda, tell me about your haunted item.
Speaker 5:Well, I don't know if this one qualifies. It's certainly not how fanny packs operate normally, but I don't know if it's scary.
Speaker 1:A fanny pack.
Speaker 5:You say yes, one time, while I was headed underground to work on the tunnel system under my home, I came across this here fanny pack.
Speaker 1:Fascinating. It was just right there in the tunnel.
Speaker 5:Yeah, just sitting there on the bench.
Speaker 1:I carved in the stone wall like someone left it there and you say it's not just a normal fanny pack.
Speaker 5:It's not at all. Open it up.
Speaker 1:Okay, uh, there's nothing in here, just looks like a normal run-of-the-mill fanny pack.
Speaker 5:That's right now. You hang on to that.
Speaker 1:Alright.
Speaker 5:Now we just have to wait for a little while. Can I get you something to drink? Cranberry juice, Eggnog.
Speaker 1:Uh, no, thank you, linda. We waited for about 20 minutes in pretty much complete silence while Linda stood in the corner and stared at the wall. At the stroke of midnight, suddenly the fanny pack sheet handed me. Well, it went from being pretty much weightless to suddenly feeling like it had something very heavy inside. Linda, something's happened.
Speaker 5:Yeah, it's midnight. Every night the same thing.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's have a look. Uh, Linda, it's filled with rocks.
Speaker 5:Look a little closer, Mike.
Speaker 1:Okay, listeners, there's a lot of little white rocks and, oh heavens to Betsy Linda, these are teeth.
Speaker 5:Yeah, human teeth, I'm pretty sure.
Speaker 1:Linda, this fanny pack fills with human teeth at midnight every night.
Speaker 5:I'm not complaining. There's nothing quite as satisfying as every morning when I get to empty it out into my tooth pit that I've started.
Speaker 1:Well, Linda, this is weird even for me. I am going to leave now. Here is your fanny pack.
Speaker 5:Oh hey, I'm not greedy. These teeth are all yours if you want them.
Speaker 1:Linda, goodbye and thank you. Alright, last up, we're here with Francine Bennington. Hey there, Francine.
Speaker 8:Hey there, mike. So you're looking for haunted, spooky, scary stuff, right?
Speaker 1:Indeed. Let's scare some of our listeners, Francine.
Speaker 8:Okay, okay, okay, check this out. Are you ready? A hunted harmonica.
Speaker 1:Oh my, a good old tin sandwich. My creator loved these things.
Speaker 8:Well, just wait, because this harmonica commands power over the beasts of Tritown. Check it out, you see. You see that Every time I blow in this thing, the dogs start barking.
Speaker 1:Well, francine, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but I have some confidence. That is just a harmonica. Thank you, dear listeners, for tuning in. This has been another broadcast of Everything Matters, and we'll see you next week. Remember, it's all real, it all matters and it never ends. Now a word from Intern Todd.
Speaker 4:Thanks for listening to Everything Matters. This is Intern Todd. Everything Matters is a part of the Homebrew Network. If you're listening from the 21st century, you could really help us grow by leaving us a review on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. The algorithm god hungers greatly and saving him can be a full-time job, so leave us a review on Spotify and Apple. If you leave a review as a resident of Tritown, without breaking the fourth wall, dale and Mike might read your review on the show. Just make sure you don't give anything away that you're from the 21st century or that could really break Mike and Dale's minds. Yeah, links are at EverythingMattersPodcom. If you're listening from the 22nd and 24th century, you can review us on Musknet in exchange for one kudo. 25th to 29th century. Please get off the internet immediately. Using the internet poses a public safety hazard All other centuries. Call 1-800-MATTERS if it is safe to do so. Again, that's EverythingMattersPodcom.