Imagine the sheer contrast of emotions as what was supposed to be a celebration of music and unity turned into a battlefield. Our guest, Millet, a brave survivor of the Nova Music Festival tragedy, shares her bone-chilling account of the day when joy was eclipsed by terror as rockets tore through the sky. Witness through her eyes the fragility of peace and the courage it takes to hold onto hope amidst chaos. Her voice is a vessel of truth, revealing the reality of a celebration that morphed into a harrowing fight for survival.
As we sit with the weight of Millet's testimony, we venture further into the darkness of human experience, recounting a nightmarish terrorist siege that tested the limits of instinct and endurance. You'll hear an intense narrative that traces the steps of those who, dressed in the familiarity of IDF uniforms, sowed dread among the unsuspecting. We grapple with the visceral fight-or-flight responses honed from years of military training, and the instinctive drive to protect life in the face of relentless danger. This episode confronts the horrific use of sexual violence as a weapon, shedding light on the stark reality of atrocities that survivors are forced to navigate.
Finally, our conversation turns to the aftermath, the long road tread by those scarred by violence as they seek to piece together their shattered lives. The journey of healing is as diverse as the individuals who walk it—each step marked by pain, resilience, and an unyielding quest for normalcy. Millet's decision to not let her story be silenced, to stand against the rising tide of antisemitism, and to turn her private nightmare into a catalyst for change is both humbling and empowering. Her voice joins a chorus of survivors who, despite the darkness they've faced, shine a light on the strength of the human spirit to overcome and advocate for a world where such tragedies are no more.
Your hosts: @lynnhazan_ and @tonydoesknow
follow us on social @ltkpod!
Imagine the sheer contrast of emotions as what was supposed to be a celebration of music and unity turned into a battlefield. Our guest, Millet, a brave survivor of the Nova Music Festival tragedy, shares her bone-chilling account of the day when joy was eclipsed by terror as rockets tore through the sky. Witness through her eyes the fragility of peace and the courage it takes to hold onto hope amidst chaos. Her voice is a vessel of truth, revealing the reality of a celebration that morphed into a harrowing fight for survival.
As we sit with the weight of Millet's testimony, we venture further into the darkness of human experience, recounting a nightmarish terrorist siege that tested the limits of instinct and endurance. You'll hear an intense narrative that traces the steps of those who, dressed in the familiarity of IDF uniforms, sowed dread among the unsuspecting. We grapple with the visceral fight-or-flight responses honed from years of military training, and the instinctive drive to protect life in the face of relentless danger. This episode confronts the horrific use of sexual violence as a weapon, shedding light on the stark reality of atrocities that survivors are forced to navigate.
Finally, our conversation turns to the aftermath, the long road tread by those scarred by violence as they seek to piece together their shattered lives. The journey of healing is as diverse as the individuals who walk it—each step marked by pain, resilience, and an unyielding quest for normalcy. Millet's decision to not let her story be silenced, to stand against the rising tide of antisemitism, and to turn her private nightmare into a catalyst for change is both humbling and empowering. Her voice joins a chorus of survivors who, despite the darkness they've faced, shine a light on the strength of the human spirit to overcome and advocate for a world where such tragedies are no more.
Your hosts: @lynnhazan_ and @tonydoesknow
follow us on social @ltkpod!
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 2:Welcome back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know how to start this one.
Speaker 2:It's going to be a bit of a different episode for us. A little bit. I mean, we have been talking every couple episodes about what's going on post-October 7th, and so that's where we are again with this particular episode, because we were offered the chance to speak with someone who was at the Nova Music Festival.
Speaker 1:And I want to give a little bit of background.
Speaker 1:So to people who might? You know? I'm sure most people by now have heard what happened on October 7th. I hope so. Who knows anymore?
Speaker 1:Honestly, for us, you know, when we as an Israeli Jewish woman living in America and my family living in Israel, october 7th changed our lives forever and I remember the day like it was yesterday and it still carries with me every single day. And one of the big parts of what happened was the Nova Festival. Because, you know, we were all kind of young in our 20s. We went to parties, we went to raves and my niece is 25 years old and she loves to go to parties and when I heard about the Nova Festival I thought right away that she was there. And you know, I think, thankfully she wasn't and she, unfortunately she lost, you know, two friends at the festival.
Speaker 1:But to just to think about the energy of it's like, it's kind of like a burning man. You know, it's the energy of young people listening to music and dancing and being together and just love and you're in nature and it's just this beautiful experience. And then this horrible, horrible thing happens and the world is silent. You know, the music world is silent and it's just the most horrible thing to even think about. And today we have a special guest and I'm really thankful to have her today. Just through friends I heard she was coming to the United States to speak about her experience. She is a Nova survivor and she's going from city to city telling her story, raising awareness, and I'm really thankful to have her. I'm sure it's very hard to talk about this. So, milette, welcome, welcome.
Speaker 1:Thank you for joining us. So do you want to just like start and just tell us your story and what happened? Tell us a little bit about you know, nova Festival for you. Like was it your first time? Have you been before? Like what is it? Is it like a big festival that's known in Israel like every year? Or just tell us a little bit more about that.
Speaker 3:Sure. So this specific festival, that was like the first time it happened actually. So it's a collaboration with a festival Actually, the name of the festival is Universal Parallel, which is nobody knows it and the Nova is a production of those kind of events, festivals and parties, trance, music and they are very known in Israel. They do a lot of different things. So that was specifically, that was like the first time of that festival, yeah and but we do know the Nova production so we knew that this will be a very, a very good and something we really.
Speaker 3:I bought my ticket, I think, in June. We were excited about it, we were, we looked for that event specifically and definitely you know a lot of the people, even if you don't really know them. You kind of see the same faces in those events over and over, and maybe the most important thing to say is that we are more of a community, it's more like a family and it's something that is so special to us. You know, we go to those events to celebrate life and to just be yourself, to feel completely free, judge free, and it's just this amazing atmosphere of love.
Speaker 1:And so tell us a little bit about you know, did you go the night before or like a few nights? When did it start?
Speaker 3:So it started on Friday. I arrived around 2 am and it was supposed to go on until the afternoon of Saturday. I came with four other friends and of course, you are joining more friends at the party and also, I must say, you get to know many, many people at every event, because this is the, these are the vibes.
Speaker 3:Like you just waiting for the bathroom or you go to dance with strangers, and it's a part of it. You know that everyone will be the nicest and most kind people you're going to meet. You know that everybody wants to just make everybody else feel good about themselves, so it's like that.
Speaker 2:So I suppose, like you got there at 2 am and then things went sideways four hours after that, yeah, we had.
Speaker 3:We had a few hours of a very good festival. Actually it was really really good and special and then at 6.30 the music stopped. This is how we learned that we're actually under attack. We noticed as long as the music kept going you don't really you can't hear the, the rockets and only when the DJs decided like they noticed the situation and so they stopped the music and we noticed this massive rise of rockets and of course, it's it's hard to even describe. It's one second you're dancing and it's all you know. Everything is is pure and perfect in the world, and then the next second you find yourself under attack and it's in an open field, so you don't have any shelters and, of course, mentally you're not prepared, Like your heart is so open. This is such a vulnerable moment for this to happen, Like there are no good places to be when you are under attack, but I think still, like that being said, this is one of the worst situations that you can experience this at.
Speaker 1:And what was going through your head when the music stopped, because I saw, you know different people's versions. You know, in Israel people are used to, unfortunately, rockets that happen, and it's like, okay, now we got to go to a shelter and it's just sort of part of life. And some people were like, okay, you know, not panicking yet what was going through like what was your experience?
Speaker 3:My first thought was that something went wrong with the electricity or with the speakers or something. I didn't think that, like who would think that? But when I noticed it because it's impossible not to notice the rockets I thought that okay, like yeah, we're gonna have to wait for a few minutes and then hopefully resume the party.
Speaker 1:And if not, then like okay, that's a bummer which I want to note is a crazy thing Like that people don't think about Living in Israel. Is that having moments of like rockets and sirens is like a normal thing and the fact that there's a moment of I'm at this party, okay, it's gonna go back to, it's gonna. The music is gonna turn back on.
Speaker 2:Because in this case, the rockets that you heard and saw were not coming at the festival at this point. They're just nearby, because the festival is actually very close to the border right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, well, it's not even like they. We didn't get any rocket falling down because we have the Armdom, and afterwards we did have some falling down, but I think it's not even you know that you might get rockets in your like field, like near you, and it's just. I think you grow with this mentality of you, can't let fear run your life. And if I'm gonna not live my life because I'm afraid people keep asking like why did you go there? Or how, how can someone plan a party that close to the border? And for me it's this is my fourth terror attack like that I experienced in my life me specifically and I had one in Tel Aviv one night going out and I had one in Jerusalem.
Speaker 3:And it's like you can't really escape it when you have terror organization besides you, when you have so many people that their sole purpose in life is to harm you. That's that. What are we supposed to do? To just stay in our houses and cry? This is not the Israeli mentality. We just keep pushing through and we know, we are aware of that, but we're deciding not to let terror win.
Speaker 3:So I don't think it's a matter of not understanding how dangerous it is or that, or even it's not thinking that it might not be dangerous. We are well aware. But at the same time, yeah, kind of getting used to it and thinking, okay, like when, when you are in a situation that you're most likely to be okay, you don't let it affect you, or at least you try. So, yeah, it wasn't panicking Like a lot of people did panic. A lot of people also. Yeah, didn't. And, and more than anything, you just try to calculate the risks and understand what would be best to do after a few minutes, because the rockets just kept getting worse and worse. Of course we we understood this is not a regular. I'm saying nothing, nothing about this is regular, but we understood it's more severe than than the usual rockets we're receiving. So we know we have to evacuate and try to find shelter somewhere.
Speaker 1:So what happened next?
Speaker 3:Um, so what happened next was we try to escape. We are 3,500 people at that music festival and there is only this one narrow, bumpy kind of a road to get us out of there. So you can imagine how that would look like, and we're trying. For me, the most amazing thing about this is that we're all trying to escape, but we're also trying to do this as a community. Um, like, no one cuts lines. It's really incredible to witness and we're trying to leave, but at this point we are still thinking it's only rockets. So we're trying to to go. I was. I managed to get us to the road outside of the party zone and I'm making a right turn, but after a minute of driving I have to stop because what happened was that the terrorists waited us there and they're just shooting all the cards, and so I'm making a very quick U-turn. I'm trying to get to the other side.
Speaker 1:So you drove and then you realize that there's terrorists and you had to make a decision like a quick decision.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you have to do it very quickly or else you will be better Like it's seconds. Everything happened really quickly.
Speaker 2:So that was the first moment that you realized that there were terrorists on the ground. It wasn't just rockets, it was when you got to the actual. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and so we tried to go to the other direction and I drove for something like two minutes, but then I had to stop again. We had this like a lot of cars ahead of us that are just stopping. The reason they stopped was the terrorists waited on both ends and they're kind of like closing onto us. So the first cars since they were shot couldn't. The people inside were no longer with us, and so we had this like traffic jam of hideous situation, and at that point we can hear the shooting. We don't see them, but we knew that these are terrorists. This is something that I don't know if people not from Israel will know, but when you hear the shooting, you can hear that the weapons are on automatic mode and the IDF does not use that, because we value life. You don't just go and spray people. So when we heard that, we knew that these are only terrorists and we kept waiting to hear a single gunshot, but we didn't, and the shooting kept getting closer and closer. So we knew we have to make a decision. We don't have any way to go with our cars because both sides are now you know, I don't even know what the word will be, but we're like trapped on this road, and so we decided there's a lot of cars, we're all stepping out of the cars, kind of confused, and we decided we're going to ditch the cars and run towards the fields. And it's honestly, it's just like a terrible situation because everywhere you go to you have more people screaming, shouting that they're terrorists.
Speaker 3:And we found ourselves in this sadistic game, kind of just like going back and forth in between the terrorists in a very large, open field. You don't even have any place to hide, the ground is very bumpy. It's not suitable, you know, obviously, like it's not meant for people to escape. And at a certain point we saw this group of soldiers. So we thought that's good, we'll run towards them. But as we're trying to do that, we noticed they're carrying RPGs, which is something in between a gun and a missile, and again, something that you will never see an IDF soldier carrying, because it's only meant to be used against, like if you're targeting a gun, if you're targeting a house or a tank, but you don't just go around and aim that towards people. So we knew that we're actually running towards terrorists and we discovered later that what happened was that they, after killing soldiers, they would take off their uniforms and put it on so that they will confuse us. Wow. But now they're like 100 or 150 yards away from us and we have to run, obviously to the other direction to escape them and we're kind of running towards bullets from the other direction. You don't have any way.
Speaker 3:It's just a very insane, scary kind of moment that is. For me, it's even hard to remember exactly what happened. You know, you start to see people falling down and it's just very traumatic for me to even remember what happened there. But I think what kept me going, I kept telling myself that there is no use in being scared and like this is the situation. It's terrible, but I don't have any control over that and the only thing that I do have control over is myself. So, as scary as it is and really everything is horrific and of course, your body just kind of wants to shut down because you don't want to witness this and the pulse rate is like so high. But I thought, okay, I'm probably going to die soon, but I'm not going to help them. There's nothing else for me to do but just keep running and hope that I will be okay somehow. So I just I kept going and I tried to find a place to hide and we just kept going for a very long time until we found this.
Speaker 3:We found a tree that we were like a group of 10 people staying under, and that was maybe the I don't know how to describe it like the scariest moment, even though it was much scarier to run from the terrace because I noticed that I'm slow in comparison to others and I just like I try to run faster but I can't and like it's terrifying. But when we stood under this tree, I had a group of people with me and this one guy told me, told us, but like he looks at me and he says that we're moving targets, and for me that was a very hard moment because I think that was the first moment I stopped for a second to realize the situation. And when he said that, it was the moment that I really knew that we're trapped and that's that like there's no way out, it's not, it's not going to be over soon, and so we decided we have to split because they'll see us. We're 10 people, that's too much, and we just ran low Everybody's just going different directions and eventually I found I had the. I told them I came with four people. So the two guys, they kept going. They just ran, tried to like dodge bullets and eventually, after four hours of running, they got to this village nearby and they found shelter there.
Speaker 3:And me and the two girls, we found this bush and we decided we'll crawl under. We had another girl, she joined us at that point we don't, we didn't know her at the time, but of course now we know her. But we were just, you know, laying down there. We tried to cover ourselves with leaves and herbs we found there. It's. It's not much. There's not much of plants around you and you just try to stay silent as possible because they're surrounding you.
Speaker 3:The shooting keeps going, the rocket keeps keeps going. You hear the screaming in Arabic. It's all very frightening, and we tried to call the police at that point but they didn't answer. And you know they they answered, I think like half an hour after laying down there, which was already 9.30, because the part where we ran that was two hours of running. And when they they didn't answer, they just told us that they're sorry but like they, they don't have anyone to send to us because all the villages around are being taken over by terrorists and so they're basically they're saying like, hang in there, good luck.
Speaker 3:And you know, I know now like it's, I'm not even mad at them. They really try to do whatever they could. You know it's it was this kind of impossible situation to to manage. Who thought that we'll have 3,000 terrorists in Israel? Yeah, but I, I knew I have to reach out to get help. I didn't want to talk to my family before because I didn't want to concern them, but I knew I have to and so I send, I told them a little bit about the situation and and shared our location and and you know it's, you have to save battery. Of course you just want to talk to everyone you love, because now I'm saying everything from the perspective of I know how it turned out, but at the moment you think that you're going to die every minute.
Speaker 3:Now you don't know if it's going to be your last minute. I thought what I can say in a sentence that will be good as my last words, because I have to save battery and I have to have those last words to my family. I told them that I really love them and that I'm happy with the life I had. I think what went through my mind was that I'm truly okay with dying and I'm truly blessed and I felt very fortunate for the life I had and everything that I have accomplished so far. But to think about my family and what they're going to go through that was devastating for me. I tried to find something that will comfort them going through this unthinkable thing of losing me. So, yeah, this is what made me write what I wrote. And yeah, do you want me to keep going? Yes, please keep going.
Speaker 2:I have a question. In the beginning you're scanning and you're hearing the gunshots and you see the RPG and you have all of this knowledge of what you're listening to and being able to identify it in real time Like this is off. This is certainly not IDF and I know this because of XYZ. Did you serve in the IDF?
Speaker 3:Yeah, like most of the Israelis, I also served in the IDF. I wasn't in a combat unit, but I did have the basic training and I think just being Israeli, even if you're not a warrior yourself, like all of my siblings, like my brothers, are all your friends. It's something that you know in Israel, I think.
Speaker 2:It's something that, when I think about all of the people that were there, I can't help but think of how many lives that that sort of understanding probably saved across the board because, like you said, everyone there would have sort of those same instincts. Now, whether or not in the moment you can act on them is different for sure, but to have that awareness probably saved like a lot of people's lives, including yours just to be able to identify what's off about that situation so quickly.
Speaker 3:Yeah, for sure it's very important and also kind of sad that we have to know those kind of things in Israel.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and at one point you said you were listening for a single gunshot. What was important about that?
Speaker 3:Because that would mean that there is someone from the IDF or from the police, because they will use that. So, like the automatic shooting we waited for them to have, like a reaction from our forces, that we didn't hear that until the first time we heard a single gunshot was maybe 10 am.
Speaker 2:So we're talking three and a half four hours in before there's a response?
Speaker 3:Yeah, although I know for a fact that we had forces reacting before, but just not close enough to where we were.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:Because it was really. They made it impossible for people to approach. They waited on every crossroad with tons of terrorists just shooting whoever is trying to come near. So every force that did try to get to us were immediately murder.
Speaker 2:So the first people that made it to the exits were the first people to die.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, sadly, yeah. It was insane to understand now how every single decision we've made was so crucial. If I would have left three hours before, I might not be here. Three like it's the people that actually were able to leave before us. Most of them didn't make it, and people who left after us, same like the people who stayed in the party zone. Barely of them survived, and this is also very sad, because a lot of people couldn't leave, not because they just decided not to go, but, same way, we were hitting traffic. I call it hitting traffic, which is not it's not the right way to describe it but we got stuck on a part that was already helping us to get a bit further so that we could actually escape the actual zone of the party. Others did not have the opportunity because they got stuck, I don't know, like a mile closer to the party.
Speaker 2:How big is this, this total area of surface from like one entrance to the other? You said you were. You were on the run for two hours going back and forth, attempting to just avoid any gunfire. Like how far are you traveling in between these two points?
Speaker 3:So I know now that the place I was hiding at was like maybe two miles away from the party, but I ran for longer distance but just didn't really manage to get ahead, because you just go back and forth, you kind of like you don't really, you don't have the ability to actually go so far. But yeah, we just try to to get help from someone to to come and rescue us, and it's very, it's very difficult because, well, no one is coming and you're just lying there for hours and they shouldn't kept getting closer and closer. So it's, it's like a scene from a, from a horror movie, like it's. I can't describe how it feels. Like it's. It's terrible, you're frightened and it's.
Speaker 3:We got to the point where we can hear them walking and talking. Like the beginning. It's just like screaming and shooting, which is terrible as well, and of course, the shooting is it's not just shooting in the background. You can hear the whistle of the bullets above you. So you know it's, it's close. But when we actually heard them talking, that was you know, you try not to even breathe and we heard them laughing, which is I don't know the fact that someone can be so brutal and cruel and laugh at the same time, it's it terrifies you. It's terrible to know that people can can be like that, the human beings can act like that.
Speaker 3:And they found this Israeli guy that was hiding near us. We just heard, heard this like shout. He screamed that like they found me hill, and then a lot of shooting. And then we saw a couple of them and for me it was very clear that if they will see us, they will rape us. So I, just at that point, I started praying that a rocket will hit me. I wanted, I just wanted to die like I wanted. I thought, ok, I wish that a rocket will hit me and if not, then I wish that they will spray us before they'll do whatever they're going to do to us.
Speaker 3:So, why did you?
Speaker 3:have that thought of them raping us I think, again, being Israeli, usually in the previous terror attacks that we had that were getting women, they raped the women before murdering them. It's not something new. It never happened on a scale like we had now, but but definitely something that we already are. Again terrible to say, but we were used to or we're aware of it, and you know I, I hated myself that moment because it felt like we're dressed up for them. You know, we had the outfits of the of the festival and you go with those outfits only because you feel so safe in those specific events.
Speaker 3:I wouldn't go, you know, just like that, in the streets, like it's not. It's not something that I would wear to any other occasion, and of course it's not. It's not like if I would have wore something differently then they wouldn't do this, but just the fact that, on top of this, we are dressed up like that. That was even more terrible for me, and knowing now that they did this to so many other girls and actually not just girl, but mostly it's it's still the hardest part of that day. And also, this is something that it's important for me to say, as hard as it is, but we have to speak up, because they are still doing it to the hostages and I? I don't know how the world doesn't. It's very hard for me to know that people are staying silent while this atrocity is happening, but with with us, we had this I don't know how to call it a miracle lock, whatever but they just didn't notice us. They kept going.
Speaker 2:How close were they? Like you said, you heard them just talking like how close and you saw them.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I will say like 30 feet, maybe 40, like I don't know exactly like they're. Yeah, something like that. If they would have rotate their head like just a little bit, they will notice us, like they would have seen us. It was very just like they for some reason did not. They just kept going to. We were hiding. So we had this like kind of a bush that was hiding that the back in the back. If you go behind it you can see us, but if you go from the other side, like if you are in this side of the bush, you can definitely see us.
Speaker 2:And they kept going like they came, like this so right in front of the bush the whole time.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and if they would just like look a bit to like around to the side or turning around, they would see us, but luckily they just didn't. But of course it's like the the most horrifying situation to be. It's like you try the best not to breathe, not to move, all you want to do is cry, but you obviously can't. It's like you feel like all your body is filled with poison, sort of, and Obviously you want to faint. It's like it's so scary, it's I.
Speaker 1:Mean, even just hearing it, it's like even, and I can't imagine experiencing it it's like it's too much. Yeah like at what point did they find? Like where you rescued, like I had it. What happened that next um?
Speaker 3:Well, we, luckily, throughout this day, I had Great source of power, because I have my siblings, and just thinking about them and Knowing that I have to be the sister they deserve was what kept me going.
Speaker 3:And I had my, my youngest brother, tech.
Speaker 3:He texted me that he trusts me over a hundred percent, which is a very sweet thing to say Under those circumstances, like obviously he's at home and like terrified and trying to get me some help.
Speaker 3:But it was very, it was very important for me and I think it's it's one of the thing that I, every time I'm sharing my story, I I Tell about this message because it's so important that we acknowledge the power of love and and words, and just you know how, how much it's Important just to tell the people that we love them, that we actually like, we trust them, we love them, we believe in them, because it's it's it what kept me going and, and so I just try not to lose hope, even though I was very certain I'm gonna die. But I kept trying for them and I posted on Instagram the situation as well and we're just trying to. You know, we had this kind of a network of all the friends and family and and People that we don't even know trying to to help us, and eventually we were Um connected to Rami David Deann Did you hear that name?
Speaker 3:so he did he probably it's it's. It's important that everybody will know his name, because he is a hero that decided voluntarily to go in and To rescue people.
Speaker 2:He came in his car.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he, he went back and forth for three days trying to rescue people. He ended up saving over 700. Wow, in the party, which is so heroic. It's it's unbelievable. He, he's true, true hero. And and he tried to find us and After Very long time he couldn't find us. Then I asked him to send us his location. Instead I'm trying to kind of navigate, like through, through, like using I'm using the Sun and the hour and I'm trying to give him directions because it's the service was not good, so we didn't have the full map, we didn't really know where we are. But I'm trying to give him directions and and as I do that, actually I noticed that I have 3% left of butter in my phone. It was already maybe like 1 30 pm.
Speaker 3:This, this situation kept going for so long, and so I just told them that I'm gonna try to save that battery, I'm gonna turn off my phone and I'm asking for him to. To not give up on us is our only hope now. And he was Incredible. He said he's gonna honk the horn of his car until he finds us. So that way we know like we will hear him if he's close, and I turn off my phone and we're just laying down there, you know, holding hands, praying like I don't know. We know that this is our last chance. We're also very tired and dehydrated and we actually we had a lot of Fire ants underneath us, like the whole situation is hideous. We have the sun in our eyes. It's like I Feel like, even if the tourists will not find us, I don't know for how long we can keep going, you know, just surviving under those extreme conditions.
Speaker 3:And Then around, like half an hour later, we suddenly her her at a car. So I'm trying to turn on my phone again and and and I'm trying. We're kind of like playing, you know, hard and cold, trying to see if we can understand where he is. And I, I realize I have to get out of the hiding place too in order to find him, and of course, we still have the shooting going on. So it's very, very scary to crawl outside. But we knew this is our best chance. You don't have a choice. It's like you got to be brave. So I started to crawl outside and I'm looking for a car and I noticed one car that went by really fast and I thought it's not gonna like he's gonna drive slow, but in the last second I noticed there is a sticker that says something in Hebrew on that car. So I raised my body for like two seconds and and Actually they notice, they notice me and came back and in that car was Leon Val, which is another hero. They voluntarily decide to go in and rescue people. He, he also. He did this for two days. He went back and forth rescuing tons of people Until, sadly, he, he was murdered by terrorists. So it's very important for me to Honor his memory and and and share his heroic story. But as for that point, we just I like the second I got into his car. My phone died. It was insane.
Speaker 3:The other girls came to the car. We saw a lot of other people from the party. We were kind of like sitting on top of each other in the car. We also asked him to look for the guy that we heard before, but he couldn't find his car. But he couldn't find him. So we can only assume they kidnapped the body or something. But then he turns for us to Rami's car, because of course you got to stay low, you can't be.
Speaker 3:The fact that we were sitting on top of each other was Dangerous when you have all the shooting going on. He tried to escape this field now. So it was good because Rami was really close. We moved to his car and then they had us. They brought us to a village nearby called Pateesh, and Actually our friends from before they ran to that specific village so we were reunited with them. That was, that was good. And they just put us in this large shelter with a lot of other survivors, people from the party kept kept coming. You know a lot of them are injured. We're all very shocked and kind of. It kind of feels like you see tons of ghosts, but at least we had water and we were more people together. We felt I can't say we felt safe, but we felt safer and In the evening the idea was able to escort us finally to to bear Shiva, see it in your body and our families could come and pick us up from there. So that was. We arrived there at 7 pm, something like that.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, go ahead. So you did, you saw, you got to see your family like 12 hours after the, after the initial Attack.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's like it's 12 and a half hours of this Nightmare.
Speaker 1:Wow, how did it feel seeing them again.
Speaker 3:I Think I had this like moment to replay, like I replay this moment in my brain throughout all this day and I kept thinking about this moment of hugging them and Every time I thought about it I thought I'm not gonna make it like I thought it would make me cry, like I, I thought about it, I will start crying and then I will stop. I try to think about something different, because I can't cry. So it was very, it was very Moving, like it was very I don't know. You have all the emotions. It's kind of like you can't believe that you're finally with them, like all you want to do is hug them. Of course, we all cried, like it's. It's a. It's a crazy moment to experience and I think I I had like the adrenaline Going for a few more hours before I started to.
Speaker 3:Really it's hard to to grasp what you went through. It's hard to understand what we experienced. So the beginning was more a combination of feeling happy and, I don't know, anxious. As the time went by, it's more I was very you kind of like cry without control, a lot of panic attacks. I was very confused. I wasn't sure, like I kept thinking that I'm still there. I was very confused. I was also very much afraid that I'm going to lose my sanity, because it feels like it. Definitely you feel like you're losing your mind. How long did that? And?
Speaker 3:of course you know sorry.
Speaker 2:How long did that feel like that?
Speaker 3:Well in a way it still does Because it's different, but I know now that this is something that I'm going to have to live with. Of course, I'm diagnosed with severe PTSD and depression and anxiety, and this is my new life. I have to live with that. I still haven't been able to fall asleep. I sleep like an hour a night and I'm not really able to eat as I used to. I set my alarms every few hours so I can eat a few bites of something Because I want to be okay. But I think my body is still kind of nervous that if I will eat something that is too heavy, I'm not going to be able to escape, in case I will have to. So I'm kind of like still in this alarmed mode.
Speaker 3:But the very crazy beginning that was, I think, a week we also had, like you are very much afraid of your entire country and we kept hearing about more and more.
Speaker 3:We had a lot of people missing and you keep hearing about more and more people you know that are now gone and it's just very chaotic. And to attend funerals of young people, it's the most devastating thing. It's your heart just breaks over and over throughout this week and in the end of that first week. I think that what happened to me is just like my heart decided to shut down, and so the first week was very chaotic and a lot of crying, and after that it's kind of, in a way, it's like the opposite, but it's still not normal. It's being numb and kind of you try to protect yourself. And I felt like I still feel that, Like I lost my emotional memory, Like I can't, I don't have the ability to really feel anything, and I also thinking back or just seeing people that I know that I'm, I know that I love them, but I don't, I don't feel that. I can't feel that.
Speaker 1:So are you working with, like a therapist or any professionals to help you work through the trauma?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I have. I have several different therapists. I think what we are experiencing the most is that no one knows what to do with us, because we never experienced something like that. And though a lot of people are trying and I'm not saying that it's not helping at all, of course it has, I don't know, somewhat of positive effect, but it's it's going to take long time for us to recover for for the therapist to understand how exactly they can approach us. We're all learning as we're going.
Speaker 2:So I'm curious. You know, we're only four and a half months removed from that time and now you're over here telling your story. Like what was that decision? Like what, what went into? Like I want to do this, how did you, how did you get to that decision? And come over here.
Speaker 3:So for me, it was very clear that it's it's. Maybe it will sound weird, but it was very clear to me that the world will probably deny what happened. From the beginning, I knew that the world has to know and I started. I posted on Instagram my story in English on October 8th, so less than 24 hours after the situation, and because I was pretty much like one of the first, or maybe the first person that actually made this kind of like sharing the story and, of course, in English also. It went very viral and I just received a lot of reporters, different channels, from all over the world, trying to reach out to me to do interviews, and I started at the very beginning. I just did a lot of different interviews. Really, just try to.
Speaker 3:You know you feel so helpless and so scared, so I think you try to channel that. This is a way for me to handle the situation. You feel so guilty and devastated and it's just yeah, try to do whatever I can. We still have our hostages. So many people lost their lives and I'm trying to do the best I can to make sure that their death will not be in vain and that I'm, you know, fighting the unbelievably terrible increase in anti-Semitism that we're experiencing and also we have to hopefully help with raising awareness and making sure that we do everything that we can to have the hostages return.
Speaker 3:And I think after a month of doing those interviews, I knew that I have to see people in person. I have to because, you know, on social media and the news and whatever way you have to get those kind of information, we are seeing so many fake news and people that are trying to twist the facts and I felt like we have to gain more credibility and more empathy, and the best way to achieve that is if I will go in person on campuses to speak live. They can meet me, they can see me, they can see that I have those images on my phone and yeah, so I just started to go on those tours and this is what I do. I have been in the United States for three weeks in November and December and came back. Now I'm here for two weeks already and been in Europe many times. I'm just trying to do whatever I can to make sure people know, is it?
Speaker 1:hard for you to keep telling your story? Does it, does it? Are you used to kind of experience it over and over again when you're sharing what happened?
Speaker 3:Yes and no. Well, like yes, it's hard to say it and I do experience it, but the no part is because, whether I like it or not, it plays on my brain. So so like, yeah, it's hard, but it's, it's also hard just to exist, and so I rather, you know, at least make something out of it.
Speaker 1:How do you feel about? You know you mentioned the rise in antisemitism as somebody who's been through something horrific and then seeing the world just be silent and just or worse or worse, attack Jews and just the just it's I can't even talk about it anymore.
Speaker 1:Like it it's, it's been just the most horrific four months. Like it almost feels like Jews were not allowed to grieve. You know we have to fight for our lives and we have to prove that we're allowed to exist here and you know we weren't given the time to heal from this. That we're just like fighting for our lives. Like how does it feel for you, as a note, as a survivor, to see what's happening around the world?
Speaker 3:Um, obviously it's. It's not easy and it's more than anything. I think it's scary to to witness that. But I, my approach to the situation is the same as I had on October 7th, which is a lot of this are not in my control and it is terrifying, but I I have to concentrate on the things that I can do and and this is this is my way of handling this very hard situation and just do whatever I can.
Speaker 3:And I think that you know there's a lot, of, a lot of people are just ignorance in that, in that matter, and then I hope, and I also do do feel like it's, it's like that in a way that when they hear me and see me, they are able to feel more empathy. And I'm not saying that they're changing their minds just by listening to me, but for the very least they are understanding the situation is a bit more complicated and that they should be more more minded to what they're posting, because it's not, you know, it's not just like. I see three videos on TikTok and I can feel like I know it. The situation is so complicated, it's really so. Hopefully that makes it its impact.
Speaker 2:Well, I think it 100% does. Like it's so impressive to me that you were able to identify that early on, after it happened that the difference between being able to deny you from a screen and deny you in person is two completely different things. Like that is so important and just really socially intelligent way to approach that part of it. Because you're absolutely right, Like you can swipe by your story online, you can just remove it from whatever you're looking at, but to see you and hear you in person or to have a conversation with you, you don't get to swipe through that. You have to experience it with you and the impact of that, I think and I'm sure you're experiencing some is far more massive than you could ever do from behind a screen.
Speaker 3:Thank you.
Speaker 1:Okay, I wanna ask, I mean a fun question what do you like to do for fun, Like, who are you besides this awful thing?
Speaker 3:Well, I don't have a fun answer. I can tell you what I used to like, but I honestly I feel like I'm very lucky to survive, but I do feel in many ways like I have been murdered that day and I don't know who I am. Now I don't do anything for fun. It's a combination of really not knowing who I am and not having the ability to access those kind of emotions, and so that, and also the fact that my family are now in the military and we have the hostages, and it's not something that I'm capable of doing. And again, I'm just trying to do what I can do and focus on the good things and try as hard as I can to recover so I can love again my loved ones as fully as I used to, or more. And I can answer again about how I used to be, if you want me to.
Speaker 2:I can share about my old me.
Speaker 3:So the old me, she was all about the fun, she, I was on my way of becoming a therapist. I was supposed to start my second degree this October and of course I didn't start that and I was working in education and therapy and then also I was a DJ and a party producer Wow yeah. So I really love dancing. I really loved music. I was a very social person. I spent a lot of time with my family, with my friends, going out a lot, going to the beach, doing yoga, traveling. I really enjoyed also just to be with myself, journaling being. I dedicate a lot of my time to doing good and volunteering and just making sure that whatever job that I have or what I'm studying will contribute to the world and at the same time, I definitely dedicate a lot of my time to just be with myself or having fun, and I think that goes together. I kept saying like my sentence, like my I don't know how to say that like my main sentence Mantra, your mantra.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like my mantra was that you can't do good unless you are happy yourself. You gotta be good so they can move that and transfer that to others. So, yeah, that was me before and now I'm trying step by step to discover who I am now and to build my new personality and hopefully I managed to do that soon and access all the emotions so that I can enjoy. And I try very hard to hold on to the faith in humanity, in love, and I am confident that love would win.
Speaker 1:What's one thing you'd want people to know Like in America, who might not know Israelis or don't know too much about the conflict. What's one thing you'd want them to know?
Speaker 3:I think it's really important for me that people will understand that we are 0.2% of the population and the Holocaust the only way it was able to happen was because of propaganda, and we have to speak up, we have to be willing. I know it takes a lot of courage to do that nowadays, but we have to do that. We have to educate ourselves so that we can know what we're saying and have those discussions with people, and we have to stay united. And if people are not, I can say many things about Israel and to help people trying to understand better how they can do those kind of discussion, but that will take much longer. So I will just say that we have to try and have that and do that and fight this, another important battle that we're facing.
Speaker 1:Well, we really appreciate your time and sharing your story with us. It's a lot to take on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, there's so much courage in what you told us, simply in the moment, and then finding the courage to come share it with people over here. It's special, and maybe it's not as special for Israelis more of you are like that than maybe I would be used to over here that seems to be the case but it is special that you're sharing the story and it's a privilege to be able to hear it, and I really do believe that whatever version of you comes out of this and however long that takes, it's going to be amazing. Thank you so much and thank you for joining us.
Speaker 3:Thank you so much and thank you for the opportunity. Yeah, I appreciate your time as well.
Speaker 1:Thank you.