Lynn & Tony Know
Lynn & Tony Know
Interfaith Relationships
What if your relationship conflicts could be defused with just a simple change in language? Curious about how "I" statements and choosing your battles can transform your relationship? Join us on the Lynn and Tony Know podcast as we share personal stories and practical strategies for navigating conflicts in relationships. From recognizing when your partner needs a break to addressing issues before they become major problems, we delve deep into the art of maintaining peace and love.
Interfaith marriages bring unique challenges and rewards, particularly when it comes to Jewish and non-Jewish couples. This episode explores these dynamics, especially in the context of recent historical events. Tony's journey to understanding and supporting Jewish causes offers a powerful example of how mutual respect and education can strengthen a relationship. We also feature listener stories that highlight the beautiful complexity of raising children with diverse belief systems and the impact of anti-Semitism on relationships.
The richness of interfaith marriages is a testament to the power of love and mutual respect. From a Jewish woman's deep connection to Israel shared with her Catholic husband, to a Catholic woman and her Hindu husband celebrating both Christmas and Diwali, these stories show how shared experiences can weave a beautiful tapestry of blended cultures and faiths. Tune in for a heartwarming episode that celebrates the harmony and richness of interfaith living.
Your hosts: @lynnhazan_ and @tonydoesknow
follow us on social @ltkpod!
Hey, welcome to the Lynn and Tony Know podcast. I'm your host, Lynn.
Speaker 2:And I'm Tony. We are both wellness coaches and married with kids.
Speaker 1:Join us as we talk about all things health, wellness, relationships, life hacks, parenting and everything in between, unfiltered. Thanks for listening and let's get into it. Welcome to the show.
Speaker 2:Welcome back.
Speaker 1:Solo episode.
Speaker 2:Solo dolo.
Speaker 1:I wanted to start the episode with a question that has nothing to do. Well, I guess it does have something to do with today's episode. Okay, but somebody asked how do you guys handle conflicts? You seem to have it all figured out.
Speaker 2:Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, you want me to give?
Speaker 1:me a long leash. No, you, you got it. You got this Okay.
Speaker 2:Okay. Okay, number one we do not have it all figured out. Okay, I want to start there and be very clear that we do not have it all figured out. What we do have is some awareness of when conflict comes up for us, of some of the ground rules. Right, we have pretty well established boundaries that aren't always honored, I would say. I mean, you know we're not perfect, but we do have a very fundamental way of disagreeing or of dealing with friction, and I don't know necessarily how to expand on it beyond that. But typically, here's what happens is, if we have a moment of contention and I will say they're rare, it's not that often but when it does happen, all it really takes is for one person to stop taking it personally and it dissipates pretty quickly. I don't keep score of who's doing what, when and how many times it's been me or you, but typically one of us finds the defuse button and hits it and that's it. We de-escalate pretty quickly.
Speaker 1:We have not generally drug anything out past a couple hours I think the key is to talk about things when they come up. So there's two, two aspects. There's talking about things when it comes up like this, you know and, and focusing on like how you feel, as opposed to like you, you, you it's like okay, this make I feel a little this, or I feel a little frustrated or feel a little resentful or whatever you're feeling and sharing that. So there's that aspect of bringing it up right away instead of like letting it kind of like fester. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But then there's another aspect of, yes, picking your battles. Is this worth what I mean? Yeah. But then there's another aspect of, yes, picking your battles. Is this worth? Like you know, is my husband or my partner a human being and you know, can I just like let this one go, like you know? You know what I mean. Like, oh, there's a dish in the you know like, like, like, there's certain things that you can let go. It's kind of like a it is a pick your battle type thing.
Speaker 2:Okay, you just jarred loose a couple things for me there, right? What was the first thing that you said?
Speaker 1:The number one was Bringing it up and not letting it fester.
Speaker 2:The other thing that I've developed a pretty good awareness for and it's not even just awareness, it's having the balls to say something is I'll, I know when you're letting it build up, right. And there's a version of me well before this that would have noticed and been like ah okay, she's not there yet and I don't really feel like picking on it, so we'll just leave it alone, even though that's counterproductive to what I ultimately want, which is peace and love and the relationship. So I there's a version of me that would just let it go. And I noticed and it's like okay, well, if she's not bringing it up, then I'm not going to say anything, but now I'll dig a little, I'll, I'll draw it out If you're not willing in that moment to go there.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I need a little sometimes and it's not not that often, but I will draw it out if I feel like it's there, and sometimes it's not you, sometimes I'm just in a poop mood.
Speaker 1:Of course, today I'm PMSing. Of course, the reason why I'm sitting here in a bra is because I had a cute outfit on today and then I was hungry at like 10.30 am and I sat down and ate sushi and got soy sauce all over myself and changed into a shirt that was like thicker and I was like sweating and I just like came home and I you know two kids, like a whole, a full day with two kids.
Speaker 1:Like you start the day looking feeling fresh, feeling good the end of the day like I need a shower, like I'm disgusting right now to be fair, today's catastrophe had nothing to do with the kids. It did not no. It's all about me, it's all me. Okay. So sorry, I went on a tangent. That's a perfect segue.
Speaker 2:That's a perfect tangent into my next point, which was piggybacking off what you said, which was pick your battles. Okay, and so how I've reframed this part of it is not really picking your battles, it's more or less redefining what a battle is right. So you talk about the sink or the dishes or whatever right. There is a part of me that wants to just pull my hair out sometimes by the way that you stack the dishwasher, and we've talked about this. Like I like everything very lined up in the same spot.
Speaker 1:I've gotten better at it though.
Speaker 2:Sure and honestly it's whatever. I don't care, because when I see the dishwasher stacked like that, I think about the day that you're having. Likely that led you to not care about which way the dishes went into the dishwasher Right. So it's not even about picking the battles. For me it's looking at the things and going I love this person so much and if I'm in a position where I love somebody that much, then I must be able to assume that at all times they are giving the maximum effort in pretty much whatever they're doing, and if they're not, then there's a really good reason as to why. So I default to the reasons why it might be that way, and what kind of day you had, or what kind of things are on your mind or that you have in your brain, and how much little you must have left over to care about whether or not the dishwasher is perfect, literally like never.
Speaker 2:Right, and so I frame those types of things in that way. So it's not about picking the battle.
Speaker 1:It's about like this isn't a battle at all, but you mentioning it to me, I do try to make an effort to be better at it. You know what I mean. Sometimes I'm good.
Speaker 2:But it's not a threat. I'm going to pull at. I'm not going to like.
Speaker 1:And the thing is, some couples will fight about the little shit is because there's something underneath that's not addressed. You know what I mean. So we don't fight about the little shit that much because we address the stuff that's underneath.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the overarching thing that threads any any kind of triggering that you have, any kind of polarity that you have with with anybody, whether it's the person that you love or or a stranger on the street the people that you love have a much better probability of triggering you than anybody else because you let them closer and that's just how it is. But ultimately and people get tired of hearing this likely because they refuse to accept it is that it's simply reflecting back something in some part of you that you haven't gotten with, that you haven't accepted, and that's always running in the background.
Speaker 2:For me, if I get, if I get wound up, if I get wound up about something in somebody else, then then fuck, it's probably time for me to look at what that means for me. So that's, that's kind of always just software that's running in the in the back. That program's always running for me, so I can usually make it about. In this case, make it about me, right, like if there's something that even smells like a conflict or smells like a battle. It's probably a battle that I just haven't had with myself yet and need to go there and figure it out.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, I mean, we don't have it all figured out, but you know, we, yeah, we do a pretty good job communicating and it's not always like perfect, but like we put put a lot of attention, like yeah, like you know it's cliche, but like yeah, like having a happy marriage, you have to work at it, but we don't look at it as like hard work or shitty work. It's like no, we want to work at it because we, we love each other very much and we have an amazing relationship and it's, you know, it's worth it, like having hard discussions and and sometimes we handle it great and we have an amazing relationship and it's you know, it's worth it.
Speaker 1:Like having hard discussions and sometimes we handle it great and we snap out of it and you know everything's fine. And then some other days, like we were like okay, that, like we need to work on this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and we have a pretty well-defined set of topics that if if we're not resourced enough to have the conversations, then we're not going to have them. I'm not going to have a tough conversation at 50% or she's at 50% yesterday at 11 PM.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean that was you had to vent a little bit and that was literally the first time you'd seen me all day, so that that that was fair game and I understood that. I understood that, yes, there's always going to be a part of me that wells up with the versions of me that came before that go. Do we really have to fucking have this conversation right now? But I have the ability to say not today. Take a seat. This is adult. Tony is in the driver's seat, so I understand that this is the first time she's seen me all day. Yes, would I like to go to sleep, of course, but if she doesn't get this out now, it's coming up tomorrow or the next day or the next day.
Speaker 2:So I have an awareness around some of this stuff, stuff, but the. But the versions of me that weren't like that are still there like they still exist. Yeah, you don't just get rid of them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you just, you just tell them it's okay so the the long story short, we don't have it all.
Speaker 2:I'm kidding, no, but it's true yeah, of course we don't have it all figured out, but like those are, those are the. That's the the quickest, most cliff note version of it. I, I think I can, I think we could come to so speaking of conflict and things like that.
Speaker 1:today's topic and we're talking about interfaith marriages- this is such a cool topic.
Speaker 1:And the reason I I wanted to talk about this is because, especially in the last year, I've been getting a lot of messages from people who follow me who aren't, uh, interfaith marriages, specifically Jewish people and non, non Jewish people, and some, you know, discussing, like, the challenges that they're having, feeling like they're, you know, not understood or not supported and and yeah, and that's why I wanted to talk about it, because it's been clearly a hard year we're not going to only focus on the Jewish, not Jewish aspect. I think it applies to all interfaith marriages. There's it comes with challenges and cultural differences. But post October 7th, like I, I joke around with Tony. It's not really a funny joke, but it's kind of funny in a way it's kind of funny.
Speaker 1:It's kind of funny. I joke around that, Like you know, I think even Tony brought it up. Tony's brought it up. He's like you know, I'm so glad that, like we got married and had a baby pre October 7th, cause there's like no way you would date me. And he's absolutely right, yeah, because you know, post October 7th there's no chance that I would date somebody out of the faith.
Speaker 2:I think about it all the time, like what it must be like for single Jewish people to date right now, especially women. Yeah, like putting yourself out there in the dating world as a woman is that's kind of a scary proposition.
Speaker 1:And it feels unsafe as it is. So tack on being Jewish and also believing in Israel's right to exist, or like the dirty word that they've made it to be, being a Zionist. You know which is a in my. I'm a proud Zionist and I'm, you know, happy to say it. But and just in you know, like, like you, you know, people have shared like screenshots from like Hinge and Tinder, like it's just like no Zionist or free Palestine, and it just like, yeah, you, you, you, we, we joke about it, but it's, it's true. I think that if I were to be single, I would probably, you know, date only Jewish people, or probably go to Israel and find like a reservist and really like give back to my country.
Speaker 2:You don't have to like game it out too far. This is a hypothetical that doesn't have to be like tapped too deep into.
Speaker 1:I don't think it's funny, though, um, but thanks, thankfully for me, not only has Tony been incredibly supportive, he's, he's also. He's in this with me, Like. He is like I don't know if you guys follow him on Instagram, but he, he goes more hard on on like than me in some days and he's taken the time to educate himself. He walks around with with the uh, you know, Nova dog tags and a star of David.
Speaker 1:He, he's been very active and he's, you know, been helping the local community and just like really getting involved and and and also like listening and learning and taking the time to, to, to learn our history and and and really, and I think part of it is, you know, I think from the beginning, when we started dating, I said like. I said like I want our kids to be Jewish, Like you know what I mean. Like it was kind of clear like, OK, our kids are going to be Jewish, and he was fine with that. And you know, we went to Israel twice and you fell in love with the country. So I think all those things impacted him and just understanding, like, what it's like having Jewish kids, and I think that's motivated you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, like you said, interfaith marriages are something, that this topic goes well beyond the Jewish, non-jewish, obviously. But what's interesting is how much October 7th has exacerbated the issue for Jewish non-Jewish interfaith marriages, particularly for ones that you know the partner that's not Jewish maybe doesn't understand or is unwilling to understand, or you know it's uncomfortable to a degree where they check out, I think, would be the the best way to put it. And for me it's simply you know, I've I've said this to you before. I go back to our vows, literally like when, when we set our wedding vows, like I meant it through good times and bad, through sickness and then health, like through the polar extremes of the human experience. That's what I signed up for. So for me it's like this is what I signed up for, like I don't get it.
Speaker 1:But you go above, you go beyond the just supporting, you go, you're, you're like, you're in the fight, You're.
Speaker 2:I guess you know, like you're coming with me to protest.
Speaker 1:You're encouraging me to go to protest, You're you know what I'm saying? Like all these things is above and beyond.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I hear you and you know, on a level I understand what you mean by that, but to me it's I don't know. This is how I. This is. I've got fight in me, like I told you from the very beginning. Like you, have generations of of trauma from this fight at the whole thing. Right, I'm fresh legs, like I. I don't have generational trauma for this at all. Like I grew up white upper, middle class male, I don't have generational trauma to that degree of any kind, and so must be nice.
Speaker 2:I well, I have a full tank, essentially, and I'm not afraid to communicate it and I'm not afraid to say how I feel, and I never have been, even about things that maybe I don't align with anymore. I was still very vocal about it when I felt passionately about it. But the thing is, I'm not afraid to speak what I feel is true in a moment and reevaluate, if I have to, at some other point. Now, this, this notwithstanding, is something that is a fundamental right versus wrong scenario to me. There. There's no gray area here, like there are. There are points in it that are gray, but but the, the over the broad strokes of this is is simply, you know, the, the. Just to borrow a phrase from from Sam Harris, the. The moral arithmetic here is is very simple to me uh, where people um should be aligned when, when it's existential like this. So it.
Speaker 2:It really was a no brainer in terms of initially, at first, just supporting you and then finding my own kind of path forward, because, you know, I didn't jump in immediately, I wasn't posting about it October 8th, I was really kind of learning on the fly of what we were dealing with here, because it was sort of like this is it had been, however, many years since the second intifada and I had no real frame of reference for what was going on.
Speaker 2:I didn't even have enough frame of reference to react to the degree that the Jewish community did at first, because I didn't get it right away, and so it took some time for me to understand the scale, to understand what was brewing under the surface, what was being thrown at the state of Israel in real time, like coordinated, like coordinated tax style. So you know that that was a no brainer for me. Ok, to go back to the beginning. I didn't even think twice about you being Jewish, like you were Jewish with a daughter that was eight years old and I didn't think twice about either of them. It didn't, it's. I don't want to say it didn't matter to me, but it didn't matter.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like I was committed to getting to know you and those things were okay, cool, cool. Like obviously I'll meet me at some point, obviously I'll learn some things about the jewish faith and yeah and great see, for me it was opposite.
Speaker 1:It was like, because, you know, I grew up in a, even though, like I grew up in a very secular family, like I and again, and I joke about this from from like age of two, like literally from my childhood, my dad was like, if you ever marry a non-Jewish man, I will shoot him and I will shoot you, and so you hear this over and over again and it's, like you know, minor form of brainwashing, you know, and I, again, I did not grow up in a religious home.
Speaker 1:Like we didn't do Shabbat, we like barely like we did the holidays, but very like, relaxed, like you know, I think my parents cared more about the cultural aspect of being Jewish and and, yes, they come from a long line of trauma, like both of my parents, from both, like you know, different sides of the you know, my Ashkenazi side and my Sephardi side. Trauma, you know, and uh, there were there, and I understand that need of of, of making more Jewish babies and and continuing our, our DNA, our bloodline, you know, and I think they got more relaxed, obviously after I had my divorce and I already had Mia and you gave it a shot.
Speaker 1:I gave it a shot. You know my ex-husband is Jewish and and I gave it a shot, didn't work out. And then, you know, it was divorce and you know, my parents didn't really love all the people that are even Jewish guys that like they didn't like them and they just loved Tony and they didn't care that he wasn't Jewish, they just didn't care. It was like the weirdest fucking thing ever. Was like like, like it's, just like they, they just like knew, you know, like they, I don't know, I mean I guess parent intuition, like, oh, like that's the guy you know and we'll, we'll accept him not being jewish and we'll, we'll just bring him to israel and he'll fall in love and and then, and that's what happened, you know, and you like, I'm so glad that you had the opportunity of seeing, seeing the country and seeing what it, because a lot of people don't know.
Speaker 1:They don't know until they go there and they understand. They understand how beautiful it is and they understand, like, what we're fighting for, we're fighting for our survival and they understand that there's no fucking apartheid, that it's the most welcoming and diverse country in the Middle East, with so much culture and people like, just love, you know, so so and are so passionate about it. You know, and you got a taste of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have more than a taste of it. I mean, you know, I've been there multiple times now and, um, I have a mentor that talks about. You know, you go overseas and you find, uh, you find a church or a cathedral or a temple or whatever and you walk in. You can feel God in them, and this is not across the board. This is like some holy sites have the energy of God, like a top tier Christ consciousness type feeling, where it's just like holy. I feel it here, I feel the spirituality of this place. That's how I felt in Israel as a whole.
Speaker 1:Definitely when eating the hummus and the shuk.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, but. But you know what I mean. Like I felt the spiritual nature of that place and I mean you put the cherry on top of Noah was conceived there.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:Like that is the ultimate act of God. Yeah, so I mean, yeah, it's hard to deny that and I find it better to just not.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's hard to deny that and I find it better to just not religious stuff, uh, post October 7th, because we do live in America and we don't live in a, you know, very Jewish area and it's important to to instill these traditions and and and. The thing is, it gets new for me too, because I didn't really grow up in that kind of household and I'm learning a ton of stuff Like this year was the first time we celebrated to be Shabbat.
Speaker 1:You know what a cute fucking holiday, adorable adorable yeah, Like we we, we fasted on Tisha B'Av, which was pretty hard and but like we're we're, we're doing it and we're doing it together and it's been a great experience coming up on the high season. Yeah, yom Kippur is coming up soon and we're doing all the way. Last year, I think, we did a little coffee in the morning and we drank water.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I drink seltzer all day.
Speaker 1:This year we're doing dry fast and no devices and nothing. How are you supposed to do it? You can't wrap your head around that.
Speaker 2:No, it's fine. I want to share some, so I asked.
Speaker 1:Here's some stories I asked, uh, some of my readers, followers, listeners, for their stories on, you know, interfaith marriages and I had some really interesting stories. Uh, here's the first one. Uh, my husband and I met about 18 years ago, been married for 11. I had no intention of being serious with him because it wasn't Jewish and that didn't last long and she had like a funny, funny face when the D is good man telling you Tony is laughing in the background. For years my grandfather called him my goy friend. That's hilarious.
Speaker 1:But my family really warmed up to him since he was really attracted to the Jewish culture and traditions as he grew up in a very waspy family and was very different. My family hugs, kisses and is all up in your business. Yeah, we love that. We moved in together and I embraced the important holidays for him Christmas, and we talked about what we do when having a family. And the rest is history Two kids and a dog. Later we celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah and the best part was that when we got married rabbi and priest his mom, who is a priest, told us that it didn't matter to her what we believed in, that that she just wanted us to raise our family with believing in something like I want to cry. That's so beautiful.
Speaker 2:That is beautiful. That is beautiful and also such a great point in general.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's beautiful.
Speaker 2:Believe, like we call it different things. Every religion has its own source, has its own, god has its own, whatever, but it's all different flavors of the same thing.
Speaker 1:It's beautiful and she has a funny point and it makes holidays like Christmas so easy, because you don't argue whose house you're going to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's the same.
Speaker 1:And she also said that she immigrated from the former Soviet Union. So Judaism was a big part of my life, of her life growing up, since her parents could never practice religion. So we are so lucky we live in a time where you have the freedom of religion. You have the freedom of religion. It's kind of crazy to think there are times and places where you don't have the freedom of practicing whatever religion you believe in.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I never think about that.
Speaker 2:We still live in those times.
Speaker 1:Yes, I know I understand that. Okay, somebody shared another side of the coin Definitely hard. I love my wife, but she doesn't get it. She didn't think there was such a thing going on as anti-Semitism when I met her in 2014, I think slowly she was getting it more, but October 7th really solidified it for her.
Speaker 1:Supporting me has been tricky, though. It's hard to describe to someone what exactly anti-Semitism and what isn't, also me having very hard reactions then. My family has been difficult. My parents and one of my brothers definitely feel it, but they are very much of the put your head in the sand generation and pretend it's not happening. My other brother is on the same page as me and very concerned and was deeply affected. It's been a learning process for both of us and her understanding how to support me and me trying to remember she isn't Jewish, so it's hard to get some of it. I actually use Tony as an example of what I want her to be like. Lol, I don't think she'll be going to protest or posting a lot, but it definitely is good for her to see non-Jewish partners being vocal and supporting their Jewish partners.
Speaker 2:Okay, and that's that's another. That's another big reason for me, right, is that I am capable of doing it, and if, if people see somebody like me doing it full throatedly, then chances are good that somebody else will respond to that and be like, okay, I can pick up a sword too. Now, what I will say is that I do have the privilege of listen. I work on a real estate team with an Israeli. All of the people that I work with, for the most part, are Israeli, right, so I'm not risking my job by speaking out. A lot of people are, including you.
Speaker 2:Know you, you would have some of the same concerns like you. You still do, like who knows what, what people or clients of yours believe and what they don't believe. But I don't, I don'm not risking that. Like, I don't have that concern where a lot of people you know a lot of people have to answer to HR departments that might get it wrong. Like they might literally just take something that you say and use it against you. Like, and I understand there is some, some concern there and fear there. So, like part of it is sticking your head in the sand, and a lot of it. Most of it is self-preservation. I do have empathy for people that aren't invested in in the fight but it would be hard like that, would be like that it would be.
Speaker 1:I understand I think for me if you weren't supportive and if you were like kind of like pushing me along, okay, let's get. Let's enough talking about you know what I mean. Like, if you like incredibly it would.
Speaker 2:I feel like that would be a kind of a deal breaker that would be, that that would be a problem, and I know that, but I what I all I'm saying is I do have empathy for where those people might see the pitfalls of of doing it and where it's a little bit easier for me. Yeah, Also, I find that, like being a man and being loud about it is way different than being a woman and being loud about it. It's true that is way different Right.
Speaker 2:Scarier is harder 1,000% and, like you said, I probably go like 30% to 40% harder with the way I choose to use my words and my voice and I get almost no pushback, almost none, yeah. Whereas I'll post a video that has nothing to do with anything and I'll be called a genocider, baby killer yeah, and I've noticed that from the prominent pro-palestinian activists, especially local right, that they have a real knack for for targeting the women. Yeah, and really they're weak bitches, yeah so.
Speaker 2:So all that to say is I as I get, that I get it to a degree. Yes, It'd be incredibly difficult in our relationship if that was the case. But also, I understand where they're, where they could be coming from a little bit.
Speaker 1:Here's another good one. My husband is Catholic and I'm Jewish. I'm not super religious, but felt connected to being Jewish in Israel after birthright and ultimately coming back to Israel and doing an internship there for seven months after undergrad. My husband never understood my connection to Israel and how special of a place it was. I always talked about it and my experiences there, my amazing Israeli friends who would literally do anything for me.
Speaker 1:When I was there Two years ago, he was able to experience Israel with me on an amazing program called Honeymoon Israel Guys Google that shit. My husband is not a crier at all. He cried there because he was overcome with emotion in front of our whole group. The trip brought us closer together and he finally understood this other part of me. I'm so grateful we had that experience together because when October 7th happened, he got it. He understood why I was so angry and heartbroken and he felt it with me. Telling you, man, going to Israel will change a person, whether you're Jewish, not in Jewish, like Muslim, any atheist, whatever you believe in, like, it is a welcoming place for all uh religions and all beliefs.
Speaker 2:Did you see the NBA player that went over the Israeli? Pat Beverly and his interview where he's just talking about like it's absolute paradise in every aspect, from the people to the food, to the beaches, to the sunsets the way that he spoke about it, like I was like yeah, yeah, that's exactly how I would describe it. Yeah, just pink skies but.
Speaker 1:But the every but. Imagine every border around you wants to kill you. Yeah, it's like a heaven and hell, like all wrapped in one Um, interfaith marriage here. My husband's not religious so we celebrate Christmas with his family. My son ceased to be identifying as Jewish, but I think that's just because I talked about it more. I'm not religious either, but very cultural. We celebrate a lot of Jewish holidays with family. I bake challah at least once or twice a month. We light candles on Friday and say Shabbat Shalom to celebrate Shabbat.
Speaker 1:I think being interfaith marriage with a child who you want to identify as Jewish when he grows up means that you need to make a point to do Jewish things. Both of my parents are Jewish and so I was just Jewish. There was no other influence With my son. I need to be intentional about our Judaism so he embraces it. My husband is supportive of it all. I think if I wanted to join a synagogue he would have thoughts about it, but not because it's the Jewish house of prayer, but because it's a house of prayer and we don't really pray, he wouldn't want to join a church.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean we are part of a congregation, we have we have gone further than just just doing shabbat although we do shabbat now almost without fail, unless there's extenuating circumstances. But I mean we do the prayers like I need to learn them better so that I can do them, but like praying, praying is a good thing, it's nice, praying is a good thing, like I understand, like I understand, like being in and out of religion my whole life and leaning further in and then backing away and at one point considering myself an atheist. And now we're getting, you know, we're leaning into the spiritual aspect of judaism much harder. You know, after everything that's happened and you know the community that's cultivated around this. But I mean, prayer is powerful and you don't have to like you don't have to call it prayer, to send prayer right.
Speaker 2:It's really channeling energy with intention to a source greater than yourself, just believing that there is a power that unites us all and guides us all in divine timing that you can surrender to, which is what I believe. It's what I believe inside of Judaism, it's what I believe outside of Judaism, it's what I believed before we met. So there is always a spiritual thread through my line of thinking regardless of the religious aspect. And now it's exploring that thread through my line of thinking, regardless of the religious aspect. And now it's it's exploring that thread through the lens of judaism, for me, which is beautiful, that is beautiful, wow.
Speaker 1:Nothing to say to that, just listening to you, okay. Last story this is no jews in this one. I'm Catholic and husband Sorry, I am Catholic and husband A B is Hindu. We both believe in God in some form or another. We both believe that religion helps you find community, helps you find faith and understand that something is bigger than yourself. Literally what you just said helps you understand life and where you have come from and can teach you how to live a good life and be a good person.
Speaker 1:In the beginning it started out as a general openness to each other's cultures and beliefs. My family didn't have a hard time accepting him and my husband's family welcomed me and my family as well, even though wanting to marry a non-Hindu American was not necessarily what they expected from him. When we got married in India, I was exposed to many Hindu worship puja ceremonies. They're very beautiful. A lot of really beautiful songs and chanting in Hindi or whatever the local languages, and in Sanskrit. After marriage we moved to Jersey city and we started celebrating both traditions. My husband loves to decorate the Christmas tree and I love to decorate the house of Diwali, the Hindu festival of light, celebrating good over evil. My husband helps build a Christmas dinner menu and I tell him what I want for dinner on Diwali. It works for us.
Speaker 1:Nowadays we go together to Catholic church and Hindu temple and bring our son Avere. There are different temples devoted to different gods, so depending on the occasion or festival, we pick whichever is most appropriate. The Hindu festivals don't fall on the same days every year, so each year I look up the calendar, put all the festival and my Google well she's like organized. Share with my husband and make sure I know what they're all about. We don't celebrate every festival and some festivals are very regionally specific, so we celebrate what's important to him. I love going to temple and find it always great place for me to pray. The peace, the chanting, the music, the smell of incense it's very centering. My husband prays in his way and I pray in mine. We both respect each other's way.
Speaker 1:My husband asked me about Catholicism, like what does the Holy Trinity mean, and I asked about his faith and the stories about the Hindu gods and goddesses. What I love about Hinduism is that they make worship open to anybody who happens to be there, and their gods and goddesses have many virtues and also have flaws. What a great way to think of humanity right. What I like about my current Catholic church is how accepting they've been on my interfaith family. We were open that my husband is Hindu and that we intend to raise our son both Catholic and Hindu.
Speaker 1:I want my son to see the traditions his family has participated in for generations and how, even on their face, they may look very different, Deep down their teachings are very similar. My extended family loves to see pujas worship and his mom wants to come to church with me when she visits and when my mother-in-law visits. She prays every day in a space we set up for worship in our house with little statues of gods and goddesses, and I'm totally good with that. That's part of her life and it's a great way to expose my son to what Pooja is. I'll be my husband. I take what we like from both faiths and bring it to our home.
Speaker 2:That's beautiful sharing that, yeah, that that is, oh, I love that.
Speaker 1:And based on what I've seen for hindu celebrations. Some of that yeah is lit. Yeah, and you know what? Like when tony and I started dating, literally two months after we started dating, I was like that does like, because we're dating, does that mean I can get a christmas tree?
Speaker 2:and we got a christmas tree we did, and it was like so fun. And not only did we get a christmas tree, we surprised mia with a christmas tree. That was one of my. I still have a video of it and it was like so fun. And not only do we get a Christmas tree, we surprised Mia with a Christmas tree.
Speaker 1:That was one of my still have a video of it and it was like she was like it was Mia's first Christmas tree, like you know. You know I was single mom, I didn't, you know, I wasn't going to get her Christmas tree, there was no reason, and that was the first time we celebrated Christmas and, like a few weeks later, I loved it and I love that we get to do that every year and we buy a tree every year. It's like, yeah, we're getting a tree and yes, I am 100% a Jewish woman and although, like I, we went to church and I was kind of on the fence on that, one Listen.
Speaker 2:we dabble in all the things and see what works. Honestly, it's simply about what works for everyone.
Speaker 1:Can we answer Claire Hazan's FaceTime? Okay, yes.
Speaker 2:Okay, hell yeah, hello Hello.
Speaker 1:Okay, hello, okay, I'm only getting it tomorrow morning, though. We're recording a podcast, mom now. Okay, beseda, I love you. Bye, I can't not answer my mom's phone. I'm sorry. I know you were like what the fuck? Why are you asking? Because I know if she's calling me now, it's important. I've got to answer my mom's phone. I'm sorry. I know you were like what the fuck? Why are you asking? Because I know if she's calling me now, it's important.
Speaker 2:I've got to answer my mom's. You have to answer your mom's.
Speaker 1:But it was because we're making jamin, so she's like asked me to. We need to soak the chickpeas the night before.
Speaker 2:Well that's tomorrow.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:On that note, this note. This was a great episode.
Speaker 1:I feel like we were on to something and we were tugging at a thread and I can't remember.
Speaker 2:Oh my christmas, we're tugging at a thread. The one thing I wanted to say is that, like the perfect representation about how we've, how we've, integrated each other's traditions into into our lives, is like we set up a christmas tree every year with a star of david on top of it yeah, it is the most jewish christmas. Christmas tree. It is just so symbolic.
Speaker 1:We have, like the rabbi on the shelf or something like that.
Speaker 2:No, we have the mensch on a bench.
Speaker 1:Oh the mensch on a bench, okay, and Elf on the shelf. Yes, we have both yeah.
Speaker 2:We have both, but the lid's been blown off of the Elf on the shelf to wait till noah's yeah ready for it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm kind of happy about that it was a lot of work.
Speaker 2:It's a lot of work. That was a lot of work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was one that yeah okay, let's not talk about the holidays, it's giving me anxiety it's, it'll be fine we should record. No, we should record on, like after we break the yom kippur, like fast, like, like eat. While we record, I'm gonna be in a coma from eating after that.
Speaker 2:So yeah, we can try. I think we should. You know what we should? Hanger record the last hour.
Speaker 1:No, we can't use technology, babe. There's no technology, we are going off the grid we are not watching tv, we are not using our phones like nobody can reach us exactly that's. We have to do it the right way.
Speaker 2:No more half-assing it.
Speaker 1:That's why I sent you a calendar invite, so you wouldn't go to work. How?
Speaker 2:far in advance. Do you think I look at my?
Speaker 1:calendar. I'm going to tell my clients, sorry, not available. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Daniel, if you listen to this podcast, I'm not working on Yom Kippur, he doesn't. He doesn't listen. I don't know if he knows what a podcast is, he does.
Speaker 1:Can you just let him know now?
Speaker 2:Like right now.
Speaker 1:And also well. First it's Rosh Hashanah.
Speaker 2:I understand.
Speaker 1:And Rosh Hashanah. You know you're not supposed to work on Rosh Hashanah either. It's New Year.
Speaker 2:Listen, twist my arm. I don't want you.
Speaker 1:Okay, unless you really are going, then you can go let's see. Hashem will forgive. Okay, on that note, this was the Lynn and Tony no podcast. Yes, I'm in a bra. I am mentally okay, um yeah catch you next week.
Speaker 2:Next week, next week, yeah, but it doesn't matter, doesn't matter what week.
Speaker 1:I say it is, doesn't matter.
Speaker 2:See you next time peace, it doesn't matter. See you next time. Peace, ladies and gentlemen, peace, thank you.