The Extraordinary Everyday
The Extraordinary Everyday
Letting Go of Perfectionism: Embracing Imperfection and Boosting Happiness
Have you ever struggled with the need for perfection and wondered how it affects your life? Have you noticed its influence on your body image, studies, people-pleasing tendencies, parenting style, and even your daily routines? Today, we journey into the area of perfectionism, shedding light on its challenges. We explore two unique approaches: the creative perfectionist and the creative pragmatist. As we unravel these approaches, we equip you with valuable strategies to embrace imperfection and break free from the barriers of perfectionism.
Moving on, we steer the conversation towards happiness and productivity, and self-compassion's pivotal role in both. Life doesn't always go as planned and learning to navigate these twists and turns with flexibility and kindness toward oneself can make all the difference. We invite you into a world where perfectionism is not an obstacle, but a trait that can be managed effectively. Get ready to hear practical tips on dealing with perfectionism, maintaining a sense of humor in difficult times, and how to become part of our supportive community. Plus, we're excited to share our free copy of the mindset makeover with you. Don't miss out on this enriching discussion filled with insights on being gentler with yourself while becoming happier and more productive.
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About Wendy Johnson:
I'm a certified life coach for women who want to take their 'good' lives and make them extraordinary with personal development and life coaching tools. If you are going to find your passion, increase your self-confidence, make more money, strengthen your relationships, build your business, and do it with less struggle and frustration then you're in the right place. My programs are for busy women who want to feel better and live well in their everyday lives.
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You're listening to the Extraordinary Everyday podcast with Wendy Johnson, episode number 37.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Extraordinary Everyday podcast where women come to be inspired and motivated to become the best version of themselves and elevate the quality of their everyday. Now here's your host, certified life coach, wendy Johnson.
Speaker 1:Hello there, beautiful friends, how are you doing today? Today I'm here to talk to you about letting go of perfectionism. I have a lot of clients who have been perfectionists or are, and I'd like to say I'm a recovering perfectionist and in the past, I've gone to extreme measures to be perfect, especially around the holidays. And when I think back to my past, I noticed that many of my girlfriends were the same way and they want to be able to fit in, be accepted, and show themselves and other people that they could do those things too. Most important is to know that what you've done in the past stays in the past and you don't have to let it define your future. And if you want to know, if you suffer from these tendencies, then you'll want to listen to this episode. We'll dive deep into what perfectionism is and how to break through where perfectionism may be holding you back. Let's start with the definition. What is perfectionism?
Speaker 1:Perfectionism is a personality deposition characterized by a person's concern with striving for flawlessness and perfection, and is accompanied by overly critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others' evaluations. They're very concerned about what other people think. They have very high standards and they thrive on organization and structure. They're very ambitious goal setters and they have difficulty getting over making mistakes, even small mistakes, and they're prone to procrastination. And there's many different examples of perfectionistic behavior. You can have this tendency in one or more of these areas and I want to give you some examples, some specific ways perfectionism can manifest. And one way is body image. Many times eating disorders like bulimia and anorexia show up where people are preoccupied with maintaining a certain weight or restricting to a certain number of calories, and people with these disorders tend to have a distorted, negative view of their body. They're comparing themselves to what they think is the norm and they resort to extreme and unhealthy habits in pursuit of attaining a specific goal, weight or ideal body. This is very common among women. It starts at a very early age grade school, all the way through adulthood.
Speaker 1:Another way perfectionism can manifest is with academic achievement. Many perfectionists are straight A type A people and they tend to be anxious and distressed about their grades If anything isn't perfect, and a perfectionist might read, revise and edit a paper or project or assignment over and over, so there are no errors, and they may even have other people help them to get that perfect paper before they submit it. And the third way perfectionism can manifest is with people pleasing. Perfectionists tend to be hyper sensitive to the needs and expectations of others and they have fear of upsetting or disappointing other people, and this can lead to unhealthy relationships and a relationship that could be codependent, and it may even go to the extreme that the person is neglecting their self-care in order to take care of others. And the fourth way perfectionism may manifest is with parenting. Parents who are perfectionists, they unconsciously develop this perfectionism regarding their children and the children's accomplishments, and they put a lot of pressure on their children to excel in school and sports and other settings. While well-intentioned, they may be critical with their child, even making small mistakes. They're disappointed and they criticize their children, and the children then in turn feel that the parents only love and accept them when they're meeting those high standards and expectations.
Speaker 1:And the fifth way perfectionism can manifest is with routines. A perfectionist relies on a ritualized, specific routine that involves doing certain things at certain times in certain ways. This person may get upset or anxious when the routine is interrupted or if you're at work, you may have a co-worker or a boss who redes all your work because other people just can't do it right. And perfectionists with routines, may have strict bedtimes, exercise schedules and meal plans, and they adhere to them. Maybe you have tendencies in one of these areas or all of them, or maybe you've known people who have had these tendencies. I've seen all of these tendencies in myself and in others.
Speaker 1:Today I want to talk to you about two approaches to perfectionism, and the first way is the creative perfectionist approach and the second way is the creative pragmatist approach. And when I'm done describing both of those approaches, I want you to know which approach is the best. So for each approach, I want to talk about the perfectionist who, stuck at the start, lost in the middle, refuses to finish and has that dread of feedback for each of these approaches and I will start with the creative perfectionist approach. And the creative perfectionist is stuck at the start because there isn't an ideal time If there isn't a large chunk of time to be blocked off and there's no other distraction, and then also there needs to be a strong level of motivation and there has to be a good plan for the entire process in order to get started. So this perfectionist procrastinates and then if there's a due date or a timeline with this project, then they're forced to begin and they drop everything else and they're under stress and pressure and they may pull all nighters and they do nothing else until they get this project completed. There's a great deal of stress because of the delay tactics with this creative, perfectionist approach.
Speaker 1:And then this same type of person gets lost in the middle because they're obsessed over every detail. They revise and edit every step of the way rather than making a messy draft, and even if they don't need research, they still go into research and they still investigate and they wanna know everything before they'll finish. And this makes it very difficult to focus and narrow down what you're working on. Because you've obtained so much knowledge, how do you even get started? So what you're doing is you're investing in less important things in the first part of the project and you may be stuck on the research of learning how to do something or educating yourself on a subject, and then you get stressed because you're never gonna get done, because this is taking so much time, it's endless. And then the same perfectionist refuses to finish because it's never good enough, it always needs to be improved or added to and it will never be complete until it's perfect.
Speaker 1:This person is never putting work out into the world. They're always in limbo and they dread feedback. If someone points out in the stake or has a different opinion and offers anything less than positive feedback, then they're embarrassed and upset and they feel like a total failure. They get angry and they quit. So do you see yourself in any of these tendencies? I sure do. I can get stuck on writing an email or writing a letter and I can write a sentence over and over to get it the way I wanna say it. And now what I do is I just do a messy rough draft and I may go back to it the next day, giving yourself time limits and even if it's not the ideal time, to do whatever you can right now.
Speaker 1:Now let's talk about the second approach, and that's the creative, pragmatist approach, the sensible and realistic way of doing things. This person at the start knows that there is never an ideal time and they're not putting it off until next year or until things are lined up and there's a perfect time. And this person also does it, even though they don't feel like it. They may not be motivated, but they just do their best and they focus on what they can do now, and they know it's going to start out really messy and as they go along, the work will get better. They're willing to put the practice in the art of a messy approach.
Speaker 1:And this creative pragmatist. Are they lost in the middle? No, they define what the end goal is and when it will be delivered. They work backward and clarify the steps to create. They know how much time they have until the end date. They know the number of weeks and number of hours and they also look at the minimum time it takes to complete. This person produces good enough work and permits themselves to circle back if they still have additional time at the end. This is what I help my students with the art of practicing, of showing up and taking that extraordinary goal and breaking it down and clarifying their plan. And do they refuse to finish? They define finished as having at least not the minimum requirements for the work, knowing they've done their best, given their time and the resources that they have right now. And then what they work on is complete and they can submit it and it can be improved at a later date. And do they dread feedback? No, they appreciate feedback because it helps them to improve their work and it opens them up to the input of others. They can disagree or agree, but they also choose how they're going to respond. So which approach do you think will produce far more work with less stress? You're right, it's the second approach, the pragmatic approach.
Speaker 1:So I just want to give you some quick ways to overcome perfectionism. You want to become more aware of your tendencies and notice when you're falling into that perfectionist category. If you're stalling or getting stuck or getting lost in the middle or never finishing, that's a good sign that you have that tendency working. And you want to focus on the positives. And this is allowing yourself to make mistakes and making it messy. And you want to set reasonable goals. You don't want to have a goal that is extreme and out of reach and that you'll never get there and you'll end up quitting. You want to learn how to receive criticism. You don't have to accept it, but you can choose how to respond to it. And when you let go of these perfectionist tendencies, you lower the pressure you're putting on yourself. You're not going to deal with that stress and anxiety when procrastination sets in. You're focusing on the practice, the art of what you mean to be doing, over the perfectionism. You want to try not to procrastinate and wait for ideal times, because there's never an ideal time.
Speaker 1:If you're suffering from perfectionistic tendencies, remember to practice self-compassion. Stay flexible when your plans change. Practice exposing yourself to situations or activities that you typically would avoid because you're not perfect at them, and have a sense of humor. It can provide an extra layer of protection for anyone experiencing a lot of stress and adversity. This is a personality trait that you can change. When you're aware of these tendencies, you're going to be a lot happier and more at peace, practicing this pragmatic approach and showing up more and producing a lot more work.
Speaker 1:I hope that you found this helpful and I look forward to being with you next week. Take care, friends, bye-bye. Hey, if you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out More. You, my community of like-minded women. We show up to create the highest version of ourselves and elevate the quality of our everyday. Along the way, head over to ontracklifecochingcom forward, slash, join. That's O-N-T-R-A-C. Lifecoachingcom. Forward, slash, join. I'd love to see you in there. And if you haven't grabbed your copy of the mindset makeover, head over to ontracklifecochingcom forward, slash, makeover and get a copy that teaches and inspires you to show up as your most extraordinary self.