Treat Your Business

126 Why People Pleasing is Killing Your Business Growth

• Katie Bell • Season 1 • Episode 126

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In this episode, we’re tackling the topic of people pleasing and how it’s holding you back from growing your business. As health professionals, it’s easy to fall into the trap of overdelivering and undervaluing ourselves, but this episode will show you how to set boundaries, say no strategically, and create space for sustainable growth

Episode Summary

People pleasing might feel like the right thing to do, but it’s actually holding you back. From overdelivering to clients to undervaluing your services, this mindset can lead to burnout, exhaustion, and a business that drains you.

In this episode, I’ll share how to recognise when people pleasing is taking over, why it happens, and how to set healthy boundaries that empower you and your clients. You’ll learn how to shift from constantly saying yes to strategically saying no, creating space for growth and success.

Key Takeaways

  1. People pleasing is a disservice to your clients: Overdelivering doesn’t make you a better practitioner; it dilutes your expertise.
  2. Set clear boundaries: Manage client expectations from the start to avoid burnout and frustration.
  3. Saying no is powerful: Strategic no’s create space for better opportunities and sustainable growth.
  4. Self-reflection is essential: Use tools like journaling or tracking your time to identify where you’re overcommitting.
  5. Your needs come first: Meeting your own needs is critical to delivering amazing service to your clients.

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Katie Bell: [00:00:00] Listeners, thanks for tuning into this week's episode of the Treat Your Business podcast. My name's Katie Bell, I'm your host and hopefully many of you know me by now, but if you don't I am the owner and founder of Thrive Health and Wellness Business Coaching, and we help physios, osteopath sports massage therapist.

Get more clients, make more money, get more time back, and feel like a confident and successful business owner. So if you are new to listen to this podcast, thank you for being here. And this week's episode is gonna be talking about people pleasing and why people pleasing is killing your growth. 

Welcome to the Treat Your Business Podcast with Katie Bell. I'm Katie, and this is the place where clinic owners like you learn the strategies, tools, and mindset shifts needed to transform your clinic into a thriving business. One that gives you more time, more money, and more freedom. Born from a passion to challenge the idea that average is normal.[00:01:00]

We empower clinic owners to create extraordinary businesses, incomes, and lives through our world class coaching programs. We help you step out of overwhelm and into confidence, turning your clinic into a business that fuels your lifestyle, not drain it, it. So are you ready? Let's dive in. I'm delighted to tell you this episode of The Treat Your Business podcast is proudly brought to you by Nookal, the leading practice management software designed to streamline operations and empower every Allied Health clinic.

Their platform seamlessly handles every aspect of your clinic. From scheduling and clinical note taking to invoicing and reporting, their innovative solution will help streamline your clinic and free up your valuable time, allowing you to focus on delivering better patient care and growing your business.

So if you are tired of juggling multiple systems and wasting precious hours on administrative tasks, then experience the innovation of Nookal and discover how it can improve the [00:02:00] efficiency and profitability of your practice. Visit Nookal.com today to learn more about how their automated features and user friendly interface can revolutionise the way you manage your practice.

Unlock the full potential of your clinic with new the practice management software that puts you in control of your time. Now, let's get back to business.

So first of all, what do I mean? 'cause this term is banded about loads that, we are naturally people pleasers because we like to, particularly in our industry, in the health industry, we go into it because we care. Because we're passionate about getting results for our clients, and we want to be known as an expert within our field.

We want to be known as the go-to person. And with that, we often feel like we have to over service, we have to overdeliver to our clients. We also [00:03:00] then found, we get this thing called scope creep, which is where you find like your rehab programs or your communication or the things that you said you were gonna deliver starts to expand and expand, and you end up doing more and more, but you are not being paid any more for it.

It can also be when people say, oh, Katie, can I just pick your brains? And. More often than not, that is absolutely fine. But if you are somebody that people pleases a lot, who finds that you are over servicing, over delivering a lot, feels that you are perhaps not valued or perhaps you have things going on around your self-worth, which means that you might be charging or undercharging your clients. All of this can lead to burnout. It can lead to exhaustion, it can lead to frustration. It can lead to feelings of anger because you feel like you are doing more than you should be doing for what you are being paid for.

[00:04:00] It could be when people say, can I just pick your brains? Can I, could you just run this errand for me? Or can you give up your time even though you don't have any time to give up? And it can be when, particularly if you are listening to this and you have staff, when you decide that you're gonna delegate something, you pass something on and then before you know it, the monkey is back with you.

Okay. And that's you having to feel like, oh, I've tried to delegate this. They've not been able to do it, so now I've gotta take it back. So this whole kind of people pleasing culture that. I think a lot of it is down to what, when we were trained, a lot of us came through our training and we were the NHS paid or, contributed toward, towards our fees.

We were meant to go into the NHS and, work for 1, 2, 5, however many years within their rotations and then move up. There was never ever any training around self-confidence, self-worth [00:05:00] how you position yourself as an expert, what it means to be an expert, and therefore we've got into this trap of feeling like you just need to constantly over.

Over deliver. Feel like you need to be doing more and more CPD courses, training courses to position yourself as the expert, but it doesn't necessarily mean you are being paid any more money to deliver your services. And what happens when we are people pleasers is that we actually, we're actually getting a disservice to our clients because we can't be.

Amazing at everything. We like to think we can, but we can't be amazing at everything. We have things which sit within our zone of genius. Now there's a lot of stuff that you can be doing with your clients that you can deliver on, but it isn't really the optimal use of your time. I had a an amazing group call this morning with our foundational members, [00:06:00] and one of the members asked a question, which was, I feel like I spend loads and loads of time putting together rehab plans, exercise plans, lifestyle tips, and lifestyle analysis and really giving them this kind of rounded experience, which I do outside of their appointment time.

And I'm just wondering how I can tighten up and streamline that process. And I, we delved into the question as we would normally do to get to the real issue. And what the real issue was that this fabulous physio feels like she's overdelivering for what she's charging.

She feels undervalued and it became a thing that was I'm. The same charges everybody else in my area, 'cause I don't wanna be any more expensive because people aren't gonna want to work with me. But what was actually happening is that when people were coming to see her, they're saying this experience is way better than anybody else I've seen.

So why are you not charging more? Her clients were actually asking her why are you not [00:07:00]charging more for this? 'cause it's amazing. Yes, we need to streamline the process and make a way that she can get her rehab plans done in a much more time efficient way. But actually we needed to deal with the issue of people pleasing of over-servicing her clients of scope creep.

So just remember that even though you can, just because you can doesn't mean you should. And there are ways that. Empower our needs and there are ways that we work that disempower our needs. So some of our needs can be around certainty. They can be around being an expert. It can be being known, being significant.

That can be a need. Now there are ways that we work that empower those needs. And there are ways that we work then that disempower those needs. So for example, if one of your kind of key values or thing that's really important to you is to feel significant, what are the ways you, that you may work? Is that you may people please that you [00:08:00] may overservice, you may over deliver.

Now that's a disempowering way of meeting your needs, your significance needs. Okay, so there, there's always the yin and the yang with this. But it's asking yourself, why is it that I am a people pleaser? Okay. And if you've listened to some of our recent episodes with Philippa, who's our mindset coach on the Thrive program, she talks about saying a part of you is a people pleaser.

'cause not all of you. Is a people pleaser. And when we say a part of you is a people pleaser, it just makes it feel like it's not all of us. It's a, it's less significant. It's not who we are, it's just a part of who we are. So if a part I, part of me is a people pleaser. Eight years ago, a massive part of me was a people pleaser.

And I have had to work on this and I still have to work on it. Okay. And I'm always very transparent on these podcasts, but. One of the reasons is why people people, please is 'cause we do genuinely care. I [00:09:00] really care about the results that A, my patients in my clinic get, and B, my clients on my coaching program get.

And sometimes I care so much that I try and force them to their results rather than use the power to get them there. And rather than remember that I'm responsible to you, but I'm not responsible for you. Okay. My job is to deliver the very best conditions for delivery, the very best coaching and teaching and ways that we deliver our programs so that you can go and get the very best results that you want to get.

But that is where my responsibility ends. It is not my responsibility to make you do it. I can add in accountability, I can add in ways of encouraging you and supporting you. We have to really understand where our responsibility lies. So we do it 'cause we genuinely care. A second reason why we people please is because a part of us [00:10:00] looks for external gratification.

It looks for the external acknowledgement that you are doing a great job. And I really remember this when I first opened my clinic and there was me and one other person working in the clinic way back. Nine years ago, and I was seeing 60, 70 patients a week. I was working six clinical days. I was the, I was like a in circus performer, had every hat on possible.

And when people used to ring up to booking with me, because my name is the business. So hey, people ringing to booking with you, I. Remember thinking, oh, if I say yes to them, and when I say yes, they used to go, Katie, you are an absolute star what would I do without you? And a part of me really likes that, so my ego likes that.

And therefore it starts to do it more because that's what it wants. Now, growing up as as a child, I was a really good kid at school, [00:11:00] I was sporty, I was, fairly intelligent. I used to do the work, I used to study. I basically did everything opposite to my brother who was just used to play in the sandpit and in the water and do no work whatsoever.

But has a way about him, which means he's always going to be an amazing success. But I was a good, I was a good kid, which meant that I would often get told at school and by my parents and by my peers, and, oh, you're doing really well. That's really good. That's great. So I got my wiring, my programming got used to always being told from an external source that I was doing a good job.

So my wiring and programming into adulthood is exactly the same. I need other people to tell me, you are doing amazing. That is really good. Okay. A part of my ego still needs that. I recognize that a part of us also works from a place of fear. So when we are people pleasing, when we're over servicing, when we're over-delivering, put yourself in the scenario of [00:12:00] being with that client in the clinic and you can feel yourself adding them in extra.

At the end of the day, you have know it's about to come out your mouth. You are saying, oh yeah, okay, I'll squeeze me on my lunchtime, or I'll come in early. I'll come in early, and I'll sort you out. Or Yeah. Okay. I'll let you, credits roll over into the next block. It's about to come out and you think, why is, why am I doing that?

Is it because I need that gratification? I need that external stimulus to say, you are a great person. Or is it because I think if I don't say that they're gonna think I'm not good enough, or that I don't know enough, or that I might lose my reputation, or that I might be, I might fail. Or that I might be seen to be only in it for the money.

And if I'm only in it for the money, then people are gonna think that I'm doing it for the wrong reason and people are not gonna wanna visit me. And oh, and then the ego takes over and you just said, look, people, please think so, how is it, how can we create healthy boundaries that allow you [00:13:00] to people please in a healthy way?

That doesn't feel like you're constantly overdelivering, that you feel like you're constantly being pulled and some of the kind of nitty gritty hows is about communication. It's about setting very clear expectations with your patients, with your clients, or perhaps with your staff members. It can work both ways.

Very, Very clear expectations around how you communicate, how they can communicate with you, what channels are available for communication when you are likely to respond. Have an autoresponder set on so that they know when they're likely to receive a message back and manage those expectations right from the beginning of the customer journey.

So not when a client's seen you three times and then you start to go, oh with the fact that you WhatsApping me at 11 o'clock at night to talk about your groin pain, could you not do that? Could you use the actual method, which is [00:14:00] via email? Don't do that. Okay? That is your fault because you have allowed those boundaries to be crossed too early.

It's your responsibility. So what I would encourage you to do is really think about, okay, I wanna be available. I wanna be in a position where I can really give my patients the best experience, but with a healthy boundary. Set your expectations right from the beginning, the way they first make contact with your business, right through to when you offboard them.

When you discharge them, you wanna manage those expectations. And this avoids the risk of disappointing your patients or your staff later on because you've overpromised and you've under-delivered. We have an expectation within our clinic that we will deliver a exercise program within a certain amount of time.

Okay? Now I say to my team, if you don't think that's a realistic timeframe that you can work to do not tell 'em that. [00:15:00] Then we look like we're not delivering on what we've promised, and I can't bear that. So we like to manage their expectations from the beginning. We avoid that risk of disappointing the patients or your staff members later on.

And it also means that. You can then, with those conditions that you've set up, you can then really deliver the best possible service for them because you've set up ways and means that are easily easy easily managed, easily tracked, easily monitored. I know that there is nothing worse than feeling like you've got a Facebook DM coming in.

You've got somebody on Instagram, you've got somebody like we use slack in our business. So that's our, that our main form of communication. We've moved away completely from internal emails. We use a Slack channel, but you've got Slack messages coming in. You've then got external emails coming in.

You've then got threads, whatever the heck that is binging you. There's all of these ways that people can connect with you. But you as the [00:16:00] business owner, time is everything. So we have to optimize how we can communicate with all of, with our clients, with our inquiries, with all these points of contact in the best possible way, in the professional way.

That means we manage those expectations right from the beginning. And I always like to think about some questions when I'm looking at. Okay. Am I people pleasing here? Am I trying to over deliver? Why am I doing that? And I like to think what is the minimum level that is expected? What like will I not do?

Because sometimes we can get into our 10 out of 10, 11 out of 10, 12 out of 10 mindset, and we just absolutely go off the scale. Okay? Because a big part of us is in fear. A big part of us needs that external gratification, whatever. So what is the minimum requirement that your clients need from you to get the results that they're looking for?

[00:17:00] And I can guarantee that most people listening to this, your minimum is good enough. Okay? 'cause most people listening are perfectionist. Most people love to overdeliver. And when you're a people pleaser, and when you are an over deliverer, your seven out of 10 is literally most people's 12 out of 10. Okay?

So I have a rule. In my life, really. I say, is it seven out of 10? Yes, do it. Let's move forward. Put it out there, get the newsletter out, get the website up, send that flyer, print it, do it, whatever. If it's seven out of 10, we're moving forwards because my seven out of 10 is probably most people's nine or 10 if I strive for nine or 10 and then stuck in perfection paralysis, and I never really move forwards.

So what's the minimum? Okay, that you are happy to set as an expectation, as a boundary, as a level of service. And then what is the risk? What's the legitimate risk of overdelivering? Because I always like to [00:18:00] say, when you say yes to something, you are, you have to have a trade off. You have to trade something off.

It might be time. It might be money, it might be energy, it might be all three of those. It might be having to say no to something else, another experience something else in your business that you wanna move forwards, because multitasking in case you didn't know, is absolutely impossible. Like it doesn't, it's not even a thing, okay?

Multitasking is not possible. You can't fill the dishwasher and write an email, right? Just ge cannot happen unless you have got four sets of hands. So when we think of the risk of over delivery here is that I'm gonna be burnt out. I'm gonna be exhausted, actually, I'm gonna get really pissed off with my clients, and I'm not gonna want to deliver, and I'm not gonna be able to keep this up for the next five, 10 years of my business.

All longer. [00:19:00] I'm gonna get tired, I'm gonna miss things. I'm gonna lose my reputation. That's actually the risk of over-delivery. We get, it's a disservice to our clients. We can't be amazing at everything. And if I gave the minimum level and I didn't spend 25 minutes preparing an exercise program, I got chap GPT to write me a letter instead or whatever it is that you, you need to do.

Oh, my client's actually gonna be unhappy, or is that a story that I've made up? ' cause we're really good at making up stories.

What's the risk? To me, the risk to you as a business owner that consistently over-delivers and people pleases in your personal life and in your business life is that you will always feel unfulfilled. You'll always feel like you're chasing your tail, and you'll always feel like you are never, ever good enough.

You are never, ever significant enough because you're always trying to chase the next thing. And are you willing to risk that?

So recognizing [00:20:00] that your own needs as a business owner and as a person must be met first. This is one of the, I think, the biggest challenges we have. And I'm gonna say this and I might ruffle some feathers, but I think it's more challenging for women. To put themselves in a position that they feel like their needs are being met first before anybody else.

And I know that might just trigger some people, but that's, that is my belief. We have to recognize as a business owner, our needs must be met first for you to be able to go and deliver an amazing service to everybody else and continue to do that. I know sometimes I have feelings in my business and I, as I said, part of me is still a people pleaser.

I will get myself into a position and I just think, what on earth am I doing this for? Why am I doing this? And it's because a part of me when I was making the decision was either in a place of fear, I was feeling a bit funky about [00:21:00] myself, about the self worth, and therefore I've developed a program or whatever it is.

That is, I am just delivering way too much and it's usually when I run it past my coach that they go, okay, let's chop 50% out of that Katie, and then we might be somewhere about right, because I'm naturally always going to try and give too much. I have to recognize that for me to be amazing to you guys to turn up onto this podcast and be creative and think about different things to talk about each week and deliver our masterclasses and deliver our programs and work with business owners and transform your businesses and your lives.

I cannot do that if my needs as a business owner and a as a person are not met first. That comes from clear boundaries and expectations from the beginning. And actually recognizing that saying no as a business owner doesn't make you a bad business owner. It makes you one of the best business owners because you are saying no strategically.

Those business owners [00:22:00] that just say yes to everything. I see it all the time on Instagram, on Facebook, when I see lots of things happening in people's businesses. And most of the time I'm looking at it thinking, I love this. I love the creativity. I love the on entrepreneurship. I love the the kind of risk taking, but a part of me always goes, oh, okay.

They are really diluting themselves here. They're saying yes to everything because there's something else going on here. Chasing the money. They're in a place of fear. They don't believe in themselves. They've not got the strategy. They're lacking that focus. So there is more power in saying no than there is in saying yes and shifting your mindset into this growth mindset.

This is embracing the belief that setting boundaries, making different choices are an integral part of being a successful business owner. The ability to say no and strategically say no, is going to mean that your business grows and thrives when you are constantly saying, yes [00:23:00] you are. You are just gonna be in survival mode.

And one of the ways that we do that is that we have to self-reflect. Okay. And a big part of me really struggles to do this because a big part of me thinks I haven't got Chuffing time to be self-reflecting. But growth as a clinic owner is absolutely essential. And to grow, we have to be in a position where we can self-reflect, we can journal, we can seek help, we can seek professional development.

So we can improve our business skills and our confidence. And that's through having a mentor, having a coach surrounding yourself amongst business owners in our industry who are taking those next steps, going to that next level in terms of their mindset and their growth and their ability to say no strategically and have those healthy boundaries in place.

So one of the, things that I is think is really useful and I've got a resource that I have pop pops into a PDF and is gonna be in the show [00:24:00] notes for you to download. Is a people pleasing PDF. Okay? Really simple. And what you're gonna do for, you can do this for a day, you can do this for a week.

You can do this for a month if you wished. It depends how bad you think the situation is. You are going to list in a day, you're gonna have this PDF on your desk. And you are gonna list every time that you are doing an activity that you've said yes to, that you wish you said no to, that you feel like you are overdelivering, that you've, that you have agreed to do a project that isn't serving you.

That you have decided to run an errand for somebody that isn't serving you or is you have no time for. And that even can be that you've said yes to picking the kids up from school. Okay, I want you to think your needs must be met first. This is not about being selfish. Being selfish is very important to ensure that you can go and deliver an amazing service to all of those clients that really need your help.

So you're gonna document each activity that you have, and you're gonna document the amount of [00:25:00] time that you spent on said activity. Now, this might feel like a really simple exercise to do, but self-reflection comes from being able to stop and go, okay, I'm on a hamster wheel. My brain is crazy. I can't think can't see the wood for the trees.

I'm going to just stop and really analyze where I'm spending my time. So I invite you to download this. I invite you to fill it in, and I invite you then to write some insights around what's come up for you. And I do this quite regularly in my business when I feel like some of my great habits are slipping.

When I feel like I'm back to chasing my tail. When I feel like I'm back to being a yes person, it sometimes can be when you're ready to take the next step in your business and your ego will work really hard to keep you where you are and keep you allow your programming. You've been brought up with to kick back in and you go back into that.

People pleasing that over delivery. So I invite you to download that, invite you to fill it all in, and [00:26:00] then just write down some insights. And you are welcome to share those with me. If it helps. You can go to our Facebook group and you can share them in there. You can send me a message if you want to.

But those insights will really pull out certain things for you that are not serving you right now in your life and in your business that are killing your growth. And when you do this and when you realize how much collective time you have spent on things that are not serving you or things that you wish you'd said no to, that you've said yes to.

It will blow your mind. It's the same mind blowing stat that when your iPhone tells you how much screen time you've had each day literally makes me want to vomit. 'cause I think, wow, I can. Nobody can use the excuse of being too busy when your screen time flashes up and says, you have been using this phone for four hours and 52 minutes today, or whatever it might be.

Okay? So it's that mind blowing stat that's in front of you for science-based people [00:27:00] like you guys. I'm gonna be like, okay, that clearly says I'm wasting hours, seven hours, nine hours, 12 hours on shit that I don't even wanna do in the first place. That is not high income generating. It's not moving my business forwards.

It's just over delivery. I. So that will be in the show notes for you to download. Thank you for joining me on this week's episode. I hope for some of you listening to this or for all of you, that you've taken a lot from this, and you can just have a moment and go into your diary. And just go and be brave.

Cancel some stuff that you really don't want to do that you know you said yes to, that you really wish you could say no to. Because remember, there is more power in saying no than there is in saying yes. I will see you all next week for the next episode of the Treat Your Business podcast. [00:28:00]

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