Generational Perspectives: Navigating Teenage Anxiety and Depression

Join Dana and her youngest daughter Liya, in  "Generational Perspectives: Navigating Teenage Anxiety and Depression",  where they have an honest and raw conversation about mental health.  Liya shares her experience with anxiety and depression, offering insight into how it became more noticeable and how it has affected her over the years. This must-listen podcast provides valuable information and advice for anyone who wants to understand and support their teen who may be going through similar challenges.

In addition, Liya offers advice on how parents can initiate the conversation with their child and provides suggestions on other forms of communication if the child is not ready for a face-to-face conversation. This insightful conversation provides tips on how to support your child's mental health.

Furthermore, Dana and Liya delve into the impact of social media on mental health, discussing the pros and cons of social media and its effect on confidence and self-esteem. Their thought-provoking conversation sheds light on how social media can positively and negatively impact mental health, making it an important topic to consider in today's digital age. Tune in to gain valuable insights into these important topics.

Regenerate response

If you're looking for more McKnights of Magnolia, we've got you covered! Visit our website for blogs, to sign-up for our newsletter and behind-the-scenes footage. You don't want to miss any updates.

You can find all of our episodes here: https://www.youtube.com/@McKnightsofmagnolia

Be sure to follow us on Facebook and Instagram @mcknightsofmagnolia

Transcript

           Generational Perspectives: Navigating Teenage Anxiety and Depression

Dana:  I have Liya here with me today. AK the best. McKnight the youngest McKnight of Magnolia.

Dana: So Liya, I'm going to turn the floor over to you and you can say whatever's on your heart. 

Liya: Today we're going to talk about mental health , and I'm gonna share specifically how it became more noticeable . Okay. And just how it's affected me over the years.

Dana: Okay. So do you mind if I ask questions or do you wanna lead or is there something you wanna say first? You can start 

Liya: with questions if you want. 

Dana: Would you like to share how or when it started? What specifically about your mental health Are we speaking about?

Liya: It's kind of hard to explain, with anxiety that mainly started in sixth grade and quarantine. 

Dana: What mental health symptoms do you have? 

Liya: With the anxiety, I have obvious fidgeting. I also have the overthinking and just, just being anxious at random times over nothing, of course.

Liya: Mm-hmm. And then with depression, I also have the little to no motivation, less energy, just being tired all the time, losing interest in certain 

Dana: things. So when would you say these symptoms started? When did you first recognize them? 

Liya: So, with the depression that started in like the fifth grade January.

Liya: Mm-hmm. I didn't really know what I felt and I didn't know how to explain it or how to talk about it to you or a dad, cuz I, I was confused as. Mm-hmm. And I actually talked to the twins about it and then they, they were the first people I ever shared any kind of mental health like things with.

Liya: Mm-hmm. And it was just, I just didn't wanna be here anymore. And I didn't know what caused it or why I didn't want to be here. Cause nothing happened. This was before Covid, so I was doing completely. So nothing really caused it. And then later in the year when Covid hit, my anxiety started to come become more noticeable.

Liya: Yes. And it was like when everything reopened and we started going out, I got nervous seeing some people, I feel like I didn't like ordering food cuz I felt nervous talking. I remember 

Dana: I And you had always. Liked doing that. Like you guys have always ordered your own meals since Forever. 

Liya: Forever, yeah. Also it was like, I didn't want to talk as much, just in general.

Liya: Mm-hmm. And my whole personality changed. 

Dana: Was it helpful having someone other than your immediate family, the people that you live with around to talk to you? I think 

Liya: it was , it made it easier, 

Liya: it's like I was able to trust them enough to talk about it, to try and figure out 

Dana: how I. I am so thankful that you have them to be able to share things like that with, because I think it exacerbates when you don't have anyone to share these things with and you have to hold it in. 

Liya: It was like I was confused and kind of scared cause I didn't know how I felt. So it was just, 

Dana: I don't know, like Can you share with us what feelings you had or how the anxiety and depression presented? So 

Liya: with the fifth grade and when it like started with the depression, it was just, I just didn't want to be here and I.

Liya: Explained why, what caused it, what kept it going? Right. So that was difficult because it was like, you know, didn't understand why. So 

Dana: you felt these feelings felt, but you couldn't pinpoint why you were feeling because nothing specifically happened or nothing triggered it.

Dana: Yeah. Okay. 

Liya: And then the anxiety that was. Covid quarantining and mm-hmm. Not seeing anyone except for you guys. And when I FaceTimed the twins. 

Dana: Right. 

Dana: In fifth grade? Were you feeling hopeless? Were you feeling 

Liya: it was kind of a combination of hopeless and worthless? Mm-hmm. Like I didn't think it would get better because I didn't know what it was and I didn't think it would matter if I did it or anything.

Dana: What made you come to.

Dana: And tell us, because to be honest, we noticed your personality change, but we thought it was you just being moody. We thought it was puberty. I didn't think you were, suffering from any mental health issues. I didn't think it was anxiety. I didn't think it was, depress. I literally just chalked it up to you're getting older and you're starting to develop into your own person.

Liya: What caused me to start talking to you guys was because I was scared. Mm-hmm. And I. Want to deal with that alone. I was mainly just scared and didn't know what I felt. 

Dana: Okay. So once you talked to us about it, did that give you an immediate sense of relief?

Liya: It wasn't immediate, but I did start feeling better knowing that I'm not, like I wasn't the only person who felt that way. Mm-hmm. And that it's, I don't wanna say ne like necessarily say it's normal, but it kind of is. 

Dana: It really is, in our family we do have a history of mental health, and I think in our community there's this stigma around talking about mental health, but there's nothing to be ashamed of.

Dana: There's nothing to, hide because, I feel like it should be a general conversation just like everything else. Yeah. And I am thankful that you did come to us and that you did talk to us. I do realize it was something that you needed to be ready for. It's not something that we could have pulled out of you.

Dana: Yeah. And for that I am very thankful. 

Dana: Was there a defining moment that made you say, okay, I have to go talk to mom and dad and tell them exactly what's going on? 

Liya: Think it was when I talked to the twins, because they told me, I could or should go to you guys cuz you know more. Mm-hmm. And could help if needed. True. So that helped. 

Dana: Definitely. Do you think, and I'm pretty sure I already know the answer to this question, but do you think C O V helped or hindered your mental health?

Dana: You're a whole lot. It did. That's when I did notice. You started to really be withdrawn more the longer we were quarantined, the more you went into your shell. 

Liya: Yeah. I feel like with quarantine, I was in my room or the bonus room only. Mm-hmm. Wasn't sleeping as 

Dana: much.

Dana: That's definitely when the insomnia. 

Liya: I don't know if I want to call it insomnia, I feel, cuz it's like, yeah, I struggle with it, but it's not like 

Dana: diagnosed. Okay, Liya, when you sleep a couple hours a night, that is insomnia. All right.

Dana: Did did you lose interest in the things that you liked to do? 

Liya: Definitely, but I started noticing that like more recent than the sixth grade covid and everything.

Liya: I was just constantly tired and I wanted to just come home and lay down. It's not like I didn't like the barn, I just didn't feel up for it ever. 

Dana: I remember, that probably was one of the major red flags because you would want to go to the barn five days a week and stay.

Dana: All day, all night. And then you just didn't really want to go. Even during Covid, that was the one place you could go. You would go, but not a lot. Yeah. I was like, okay, well maybe she's just tired.

Dana: Maybe she just doesn't want to go. It was just, it wasn't you, it wasn't it, it wasn't. We got you a therapist. Sometimes therapists aren't the ones for you. I didn't like that lady. And she, I'm not gonna say I didn't like her. She just didn't understand your needs.

Dana: I realized that having a therapy session over Zoom. Was not the best for you, but at the time, that's all we could do because a lot of places were still closed.

Dana: People didn't want to come out. Covid was still new. We were in the height of the pandemic and that was the only option we had. Yeah, not that particular therapist, but to have it, you know, online. After. Your sessions with her. We were like, okay, let's find another therapist. We were traveling a lot, we were doing, a lot of things. We felt like when you were busy, you didn't really think I'm not saying you didn't think about your mental health, but it wasn't as pronounced.

Dana: Being 

Liya: busy definitely helps me because it leaves me less time to think. Mm-hmm. And it's like when I have a lot of time to think that's like when it gets worse. So it's like I have to do something all the time. 

Dana: The therapist that you have now is a lot better. Definitely. For you. You don't dread the sessions as much or I don't think you do dread the sessions 

Liya: Just an inconvenience,  like true. I'd rather just lay down and not talk about my feelings. And it's like, I get, it helps, but there's just. I'm normally just exhausted when therapy takes place.

Liya: Mm-hmm. And I just want to go ahead and get it over with 

Dana: how, and I don't know if this is something that you guys talk about at school online. Do you know if there are any other kids in your grade, in your school that suffer from mental, health issues or who are seeking. I'm 

Liya: not super sure about therapy, but I know some of my good friends used to and with mental health, there's definitely a lot of people in my grade who suffer from it.

Liya: Mm-hmm. And it's just kind of really upsetting to think about how much mental health has affected like 14 year olds and even younger.  Just overall being a teenager and growing up, I guess it's just that gives a lot of people more mental health issues cuz they're stressed about the future or stressed about grades.

Liya: They're just scared for growing up. They're trying to fit in. They're struggling with fake friends and it's just like a lot that happens that can affect someone's mental. 

Dana: Do you think social media plays a part 

Liya: in it? I do. How so? I believe it has its pros and cons. Like what are some pros? I feel seeing people talk about how they feel can make it easier to talk about how you feel.

Liya: Mm-hmm. And you can realize that it's normal and that you're not alienated or isolated, and it can help you realize that you need help. And then through social media you can get help faster in some situations. How is that? Like if you know nothing and you just know that you need a therapist but you don't know how to look for it?

Liya: Mm-hmm. You can listen to someone online. Okay. Share. That's a fine one. 

Dana: That's a good idea. That is a really good idea. And what I guess would be some of the cons for you, you feel for social. And I know we did a whole Naya and I, we did a podcast about it. But you specifically, in terms of mental health, I think 

Liya: it can like affect someone's confidence and self-esteem.

Liya: How so? Seeing a bunch of people on the internet that go viral just for being attractive. Mm-hmm. And then you start to compare yourself to them. Mm-hmm. And then it's just you compare yourself to. Their height, economic status, um,  just beauty, body and so much. One other issue with that is people who speak out about body positivity.

Liya: Most of the time it's only girls talking about girls' insecurities with their physical appearance. And it's never discussed how guys may feel. I know many guys in their mentality is just, boys don't cry. I'll get over it. 

Dana: The tough guy 

Liya: persona. Yeah. And that just also like, makes me feel bad and that's not healthy.

Liya: So that's another con. So, so 

Dana: You raised some good points how. If I were a 14 year old getting ready to be a high school freshman, are there things that you would recommend me doing to protect my mental health? 

Liya: Just focus on yourself and realize how stupid most of the people this age are and it's.

Liya: I, this kind of sounds mean, but I stopped valuing a good amount of people's opinions around my age, whether it's positive or negative. It's just like, oh, 

Dana: well, do you know? Do you know there are adults that still cannot do that? Yeah, if I'm being honest, Liya, I probably was well into my twenties. No, I'm lying.

Dana: I probably was in my thirties. Yeah, for sure. By 40, I really started to not care what people thought or what people said. But one thing I can say about you, you've always been a very strong person. You wear what you wanna wear. Your style is your style. Naiya and I did a podcast, I think it was the first one, and we were talking about you.

Dana: Naiya mentioned how in awe of you she is because you've always had a very strong sense of self. Yeah, that takes a lot. I remember. We had just moved here and you know what I'm about to say, right? I do. 

Dana: We had you in competition cheer, we were gone a couple nights a week, that summer before you went to horse camp and you were so excited and you had met Lori and all that stuff. And then I love Miss Lori.

Dana: I know you do. And so, Literally walked out of cheer practice and I was waiting for you and I went to give you a big hug and you stomped your foot and said, I don't want to cheer, I want to ride a horse. And I looked at you and I was like, oh, I'll get in the car. And I tried to like rush you in the car cuz everybody was like looking at us like she don't wanna be here.

Dana: Does she know how lucky she is to be here? And I was just like, Oh, and I remember I came home and I told dad, and then Naya was around and Naya was like, she said what she said, and you did not like, we pulled you immediately out. I still have the uniform. I tried it on the other couple weeks, that $500 uniform.

Dana: I'm like, oh my goodness. Never made it to like a real competition. And I'm like, oh my God. But you knew. From the beginning that that wasn't you, and you were like, I'm not gonna pretend this is what I want to do. And we put you at the barn and you haven't looked 

Liya: back. I remember when we started at the barn, it was just camps before.

Liya: Mm-hmm. Because it's definitely not a cheap sport. So you wanted to make sure I wanted to do it and then I, but neither is 

Dana: competition 

Liya: cheer true, but one's a little more 

Dana: expensive. Yes and no. Honestly, I really can't say that if you competitive cheer, you can't have horses and you can't because competitive cheer is expensive.

Dana: It, it is. It is so expensive that, you know, I don't even wanna get into how expensive it is, but it's expensive. But as I was saying, you just have always had this strong sense of self. And for you to say that you stopped valuing what people. And think about you at 14 only speaks to that. Mm-hmm. And I'm so proud of you.

Liya: Yeah. It's just like everyone has something to say. Mm-hmm. Me included. I always share my opinion whether it's wanted 

Dana: or not, but I feel like that's with us, not necessarily your, I mean, maybe with your best friends. Yes. But. 

Dana: So let me ask you this. If there's someone, a kid maybe around your age that's struggling with their mental. What advice would you give them or what would you say to them? That 

Liya: they should try to get help early on because it, being untreated when you're an adult can just lead to so many more issues.

Liya: Mm-hmm. And mental health that's treated incorrectly or not treated at all can destroy a person from the. So it's best to go ahead and try and dial it in and find things that can help 

Dana: you with it. So what are some of the, of the things that you found other than therapy and the barn that help you?

Dana: You're, back to doing the things that you love. You are reading again what helped you? 

Liya: Music helped because whenever there's a slight emotional disturbance mm-hmm.

Liya: It's just, I always. Go in my room, play music through the Alexa or my headphones. True. 

Dana: What would you say to a parent who suspects that maybe their child is having mental health, symptoms, or they see that their child's personality has changed a little bit? What would you say to that parent? 

Liya: They should try to help their kid as soon as they notice it so that it doesn't get worse.

Dana: How do you start that convers. If you've never had that conversation with your child about mental health, mental health symptoms, or mental health illnesses, how should a parent approach their child? 

Liya: I think they should take a minute, like a quiet time, just with the two of them, and ask how they feel. And if you've noticed they've lost interest in certain things. Ask why you think they've lost interest. Mm-hmm. Ask how if they're tired, and just try and find some symptoms of what you suspect your child to have and ask questions based off of that. Like, do you feel less motivated? Oftentimes? Are you tired a lot?

Liya: Is it harder for you to focus trouble sleeping, decreased appetite, stuff like that? And if you notice that they say yes to a lot, and I hope you can tell to a degree when your child's lying or not. And if you think your kid lied, you should try talking to them again and make sure they're ready. True. That's a good idea. Because if they're lying, that probably just means they're not ready to talk about it. 

Dana: Do you think maybe writing a letter, like if they don't wanna talk about it face to face, are there other forms of communication?

Dana: Maybe a letter, maybe a text? Maybe writing a letter and leaving it on the island on the way, to work in hopes that they turn it over and respond and leave it. Because I feel like some kids and some adults don't want to have a face-to-face conversation. Issues and especially mental health because in a lot of ways it's still taboo for a lot of people.

Dana: Yeah. Do you think that's helpful? I 

Liya: definitely 

Dana: think it is true. Are there certain things parents should definitely not do if they suspect their child is having mental health symptoms or mental health 

Liya: issues? They shouldn't pressure the kid into a conversation. Or try and pressure them into the doctors.

Liya: No guilt tripping and no yelling about it or anything. Mm-hmm. And if their child does end up having issues, they need to be more patient, like a lot more patient. Cuz for me personally, and I know other people feel the way, this way too, it's just more difficult to do basic tasks. Especially ones that aren't things that you really enjoy as is.

Liya: Okay. And it's like cleaning your room. Yeah. It's just sometimes I genuinely just cannot bring myself to do it, even if there's something I really want to do, but I have to clean up before. Okay. I just can't bring myself to. 

Dana: Okay. And I will admit that I am not always the most forgiving when it comes to that.

Dana: Mm-hmm. It's do it or don't go. Yeah. That's always been my mentality. Most recently, I have been a little more lenient or understanding. But I mean, that's through my eyes. I don't know. Through your 

Liya: eyes, you've gotten better,

Dana: It is not something that's easily navigated, but I am trying, dad's trying, you know, we, we do want to see things your way. 

Liya: Yeah. And I can tell, and it's one also thing I'll say, and it's not like y'all are genuinely doing anything wrong and. I understand it from y'all's perspective and it's sometimes if I didn't do something I was asked to do.

Liya: Mm-hmm. And it's like if I just end up laying in bed, it's cuz I'm just tired and I'm ready to just go to bed. But I can't because of the time I don't want to do anything. And it's like, I feel like it's difficult for you two to understand just because you grew up seeing mental health not taken care of properly 

Liya: It's just sometimes when you guys don't understand. that can occasionally stress me out. And it's not anything that you guys do intentionally you just won't always understand it immediately 

Liya: True. And I, I get that. I know you guys are trying, and when you guys don't underst.

Liya: And I'm frustrated. I don't wanna have a conversation because that would be through me in tears. And you guys don't understand the tears either. So I feel that could just be a whole one-sided mess. Mm-hmm. So it's just sometimes I have to be more patient about y'all's understanding 

Dana: and that is what I don't, I don't want you to have to carry that.

Dana: As the parent, we should. I know that's something we need to work on because again, I don't want you to carry the burden. That's something that I want to carry, and it's also my biggest, I'm not gonna say regret.

Dana: I, you know how mental health is genetic? Yeah, it's, well, it's hereditary. I really wish that, and this is not to say that it wouldn't have happened to you, but I wish I suffer from mental illness so that you wouldn't get it and that you wouldn't have to carry it. Yeah. And the past two weeks has been really hard for me.

Dana: I don't know if you wanna share, but it's been really, really, really difficult. Like I've, I've had a hard time with it and it, and then I felt bad because I felt bad. Like I felt guilty for feeling guilty. Yeah. And because it's not about me, it's about you. And I'm 

Liya: open to sharing. It was just a rough time for me.

Liya: Missed like three days of school. And one also thing is it's like Thursday at the doctors when we were talking, when I saw you get upset, that made me feel upset too. I'm sorry. No, it's not like anything that you can control and it's better that you were showing that you were upset instead of just hiding it.

Liya: Yeah, and it's just like mental health. This is just. It's a mess and I feel sometimes it's like I don't always wanna talk about it because I feel that starts to burden you guys. And I get reassuring that it doesn't Like that'll be like, no it doesn't. It's okay. But I feel it's like you both have done a lot to make sure me and N both have a good, happy life.

Liya: And it's like, I just feel unhappy sometimes and I can't control it and like, but we will 

Dana: continue, Liya to do whatever needs to be done to make sure you have a comfortable life and a happy life. It's not just about the vacations, the trips, the fun things we do here. It's about making sure you are happy in your head and your heart.

Dana: Yeah, and we will, we don't always get it. We don't, but we're willing to try. Yeah. And I do not, and I, I speak for your dad because I know he feels the same exact way. We don't want you to carry that burden. Yeah. If you're sad and you're happy, you need to tell us, especially when you're sad, you need to tell us.

Dana: The other week we stopped what we were doing and we were like, we need an emergency appoint. Yeah, and I feel after that appointment things, we needed a couple days to, I guess, get it together or to, you know, cope with what was happening. But I feel we would've, we would do it again this week if we had to.

Dana: Yeah. But most importantly, how do you. 

Liya: So I'm starting to feel better. Definitely. Especially compared to last week. Mm-hmm. And it was like last week was just rough. It was like I was tired. Even when we went to go see your family, it was like I just wanted to lay in the bed all day. Mm-hmm. Because I went to bed tired and woke up tired.

Liya: Yeah. And it was like that for about two and a half months. And then that just causes you to be drained. Kind of just stop rolling, I feel, at that point. Mm-hmm. Because it's like you can't ever like regain your 

Dana: energy. No matter what you do, the battery is always half empty. Yeah. And I know you would go to.

Dana: Well, I don't know if you were in the bed or not, but you were, you would go up to your room and say goodnight to us at like seven 30. I would go to bed, and then you'd wake up, you'd reemerge outta your room at like eight o'clock the next day, and you were like, I'm tired. And I was like, well, she was up there goofing around like, and I didn't.

Dana: I didn't realize, you know, because when you go to bed, like we've always given you, you guys, your space. Like when you're in the bed, you're like, good night. It's good night. Quiet, quiet, tired. Right? And I am okay with quiet time. I like to rest before I go to bed. And I like my quiet time too. So I totally understood it, but I didn't know why you were so tired.

Dana: Like tired, tired all the time. Yeah. And then when you explained. Last, the other week that you just couldn't, you know, get it together. I knew that it wasn't just therapy that was gonna cut it. Yeah. And I didn't, we didn't come to that decision lightly and neither did you. But I am glad we did. And it doesn't mean you have to be medicated forever.

Dana: But I think with, the proper medication, the proper therapy, you are able to learn coping skills and you'll be able to come off. Yeah. And how do you feel about it? I just don't 

Liya: wanna have to take it forever. Mm-hmm. But I feel once it starts constantly helping, it'll be. I actually need to take it.

Liya: I haven't taken it 

Dana: yet. You said you did earlier today. I 

Liya: did. I, no, I didn't cuz we were talking about it at the photo shoot and then I didn't really go upstairs yet. 

Dana: Oh my God. Well you changed, so 

Liya: Yeah, but I just changed that was it? Are you sure you didn't take it? I'm positive. Okay. Like, I swear 

Dana: I didn't.

Dana: Okay. Is there anything that we're missing? Is there, I mean, we can always do a follow up. We can always do a part two. You know about the continuation, right? I mean, because this is ongoing. This isn't something that is gonna be now and then like a one and done. This is definitely something as a family, we're gonna continue.

Dana: Face, 

Liya: I think right now. I'm good. Said everything needed to say. Okay. 

Dana: You are one of the bravest young ladies. I know. Thank you. I am so unbelievably proud of you, Liya. 

Liya: Thank you. Thank you for 

Dana: coming. Of 

Liya: course.

Dana: So proud of you.