Sips from the Fountain
Learning to drink from Jesus, the Fountain of Living Water, isn’t as hard as I thought, especially when you just start with sips, and those will change everything.
Sips from the Fountain
Why Punishment Never Really Worked
What if you could finally break free from the relentless cycle of guilt and self-punishment? Join us in today’s eye-opening discussion as we challenge societal norms around right and wrong, reflecting on the profound themes of forgiveness and grace from Danny Silk's transformative books, "Unpunishable" and "Loving Our Kids on Purpose." You’ll learn that God is not intimidated by our mistakes and, more importantly, how this understanding can liberate you from the exhausting burden of guilt and shame - yours and everyone else’s.
Do you ever feel like life can get too complicated and maybe even overwhelming? Yeah, me too, and it's okay. My name's Martha Gannot, and in this podcast we're going to talk about life, love, faith, family, relationships, all kinds of things, and we're going to drink from what God wants to pour into us, one small sip at a time, because when it's the fountain of living water, small sips make all the difference. Sometimes it'll be just you and me, sometimes we'll have a friend join us. If we could have lunch together today, this is what I'd want to talk about. Hello everybody, welcome back, so excited to have you.
Speaker 1:Last episode we talked about this idea of beating ourselves up, which I think sometimes helps us feel more noble, or like we're doing something to change ourselves, or like somehow we're evening out the price that we need to pay for our own punishment. So we're going to keep talking about that a little bit more today and we're going to take it a little bit further, even into this concept of punishment in general. You know we live in a right wrong society. There are other societies that operate differently and people think differently, but we live in right and wrong and so we believe almost inherently that punishment is very important. I don't mean every individual person, but like culture wide. When you live in a right wrong culture, punishment is going to be a significant part of how society handles all of the things that are being done that are quote out of line.
Speaker 1:Well, I've actually been reading a couple of amazing books recently by author Danny Silk. I highly recommend them both, especially if, by the end of this episode, you're intrigued to see what it would look like to live your life differently. When it comes to today's topic, the first book 10 out of 10, highly recommend Changed the course of my life, like it was that significant in terms of concepts and again, it's kind of the basis of what we're going to introduce today. If you want to dig into it more, grab this book. It's called Unpunishable by Danny Silk, and the second one is an awesome book on parenting.
Speaker 1:I was a person who did all kinds of research. I wanted to find the absolute best way to parent my kids and even though I'm actually on the far end of that process, I really thought I had read all of the ideas. But let me tell you guys again, I was like Okay, lord, I'm just trusting you that I got this information and the in the post game debrief. You know what I'm saying, but it really has changed my life and I love talking to people about it. So if you're a person who is still parenting, or even for me, it helped me relate to how the Lord relates to me as his daughter. And that book is called Loving Our Kids on Purpose, and let me lay this thought on you from that author, and in both of these books, like here's the basis of what he formed these books around. It's this. It makes me want to laugh just thinking about it.
Speaker 1:God is not intimidated by the possibility that we will make bad choices. I feel like just mic dropping right there. Let me say it again God is not intimidated by the possibility that I will make a bad choice. He wasn't unnerved by Adam and Eve's potential to make the wrong decision either, or he never would have put that tree within their reach, any more than he's overwhelmed with the opportunity that I have that we have to make poor choices. Isn't that interesting? In other words, he's never been at a loss. He's never been at had a. He's never been at a loss. He's never had a surprise. He's always had a plan. He's never been overwhelmed by us, and neither is he. Now. Can we just breathe a collective sigh of relief about that?
Speaker 1:We talked last episode about this concept of beating ourselves up. So how does that intersect with this new idea? Well, at least new to me we don't intimidate God with our potential to do the wrong thing. Well, back to the beating ourselves up idea. You know, if the enemy of our souls can keep us locked up in guilt and shame, that's already been paid for, then he can get us to consume all of our energy with beating ourselves up, because, remember, it's exhausting, because we have to do the beating and survive it at the same time. So we literally abuse and damage ourselves. The enemy doesn't even have to do it. We end up spending our lives punishing ourselves for what Jesus has already paid for, punishing ourselves for what Jesus has already paid for. And the end game of the enemy is for us to have no bandwidth to live out the fullness of the purpose and plan and destiny that God has for our lives. Think about it. He gets us to keep ourselves occupied and wounded. Do you remember?
Speaker 1:Way back we talked about truth and perception. That comes into play here too. So the enemy doesn't have the power to change what is true. God owns the copyright on truth, but what he can do is change our perceptions of what is true about God, about ourselves and other people, about situations in our lives and from there, if he can change our perceptions, he can get us to make choices based on all of that. That will change our realities Not that it will change objective truth but it will change what is true about our lives in terms of the decisions that we make based on incorrect perceptions. It's the ultimate fake news and it can derail a life. Do not send me political things. I know we're in a political cycle. I will flood you with videos of puppies, but it is the ultimate fake news.
Speaker 1:But if the truth is that we don't have to punish ourselves anymore, what happens when we walk in that truth, have to punish ourselves anymore? What happens when we walk in that truth? Instead of the perception that we need to be punished, what if we walk in the full forgiveness and freedom that Jesus' death has already paid for? What if we refused to beat ourselves up? See, I realized personally from reading Mr Silt's book that I have lock, stock and barrel bought into the lie that he calls the punishment paradigm.
Speaker 1:We think that if we can punish ourselves enough, then we'll behavior modify ourselves into conforming. The problem is that conformity can mean we look great on the outside, but our hearts are still in the prison whose doors have actually been opened. We literally can keep ourselves in a prison that we've been freed from. Then we use that same plan to do the same thing to our children, our spouses, our friends, families, co-workers and the rude guy in traffic. We punish them when they don't meet our standards. We make them pay. Not only do we not believe that Jesus' death wasn't enough to pay for our mistakes, we don't believe it was enough to pay for theirs either.
Speaker 1:So we self-appoint and I'm going to need you to see all caps here as punishers of the universe who will make others behave because they fear our wrath. It's kind of like we say, hey, thanks God for that amazing plan where you draw people to you with kindness and they change out of love and gratitude and deep relationship with you. But I just don't think that's too practical and I'm really not sure how well it's going to work. So if you'll just scoot yourself off that throne there, I'll just have a seat and I'll take it from here, which is, incidentally, the root of all control issues. It's what they look like.
Speaker 1:Trust me, I get this one from personal experience. I think we joke about having control issues like it's really some form of hyper responsibility, but it's actually lack of trust in God to be God. It's when I've decided that I'm going to be God instead. And the truth is, if you're anything like me, we're afraid that if we don't punish poor behavior, it'll just keep coming, and that means pain for us, for the ones we love, and when we're wounded and unhealed, we will consciously and unconsciously do anything it takes to avoid more pain. It's actually crazy how opposite God's plan is from that. In fact, sometimes God's plan really does seem ridiculous, impractical, idealistic, naive, impossible. If I'm honest in my deepest self, it actually seems like it's kind of stupid, and it leaves me fragile and vulnerable and open to being wounded by my own and everybody else's poor choices. So then, what that means is that it's rooted in fear, which at its core is always I should actually be God, because I can't and don't trust him and his plan for how things should roll.
Speaker 1:If you find a controlling person which you know hi, my name's Martha and I'm a recovering control freak. If you find a controlling person, 100% of the time I will bet you money that at their core they're eaten up with fear because somewhere along the way they've experienced pain, loss or disappointment and, without even realizing it, have said to God yeah, that's not happening again and I'm going to make sure. Remember if the enemy can change our perception, he can get us to change our own realities. If he can get us to believe that we cannot trust God, we will spend our lives in the death spiral that is trying to control other people and our world. It only brings destruction, which is, ironically, the very thing control freaks are trying to prevent and avoid. So what's the truth? I know you've heard me say it, but I'm going to say it again Jesus' death fully paid the price for everything you've done and ever will do.
Speaker 1:In the courtroom of heaven, when the enemy comes before God and starts listing out everything he has against you, each time he spouts something off that list, jesus, seated at the right hand of the Father, leans over and says my death paid for that. And then comes something else. He leans over again. My death paid for that too. Again, and that and that and that. As long as it takes endlessly. It was enough. He offers the same gift to your spouse, your children, your friends and family. The rude guy in traffic, which we're getting really close to him by now, so you can too.
Speaker 1:It also includes the unfair teacher, the coach who stripped you of your self-worth. It includes your ex. The business partner who took off with all that money. The politician who won and you hated it. The person who abused you. That church leader who disappointed you. The boss who took credit for your work and then fired you. And the neighbor who won't keep their property value up. All of them. So you can stop punishing yourself. You can walk out of the open doors of that prison. You can stop beating everybody else up too.
Speaker 1:Let's be honest, it's not working anyway. The jailer, you remember, has to stay in the prison with the one he's holding captive, and freedom has already been paid for. Trust me, I know it's terrifying. I know that letting go of being God leaves you feeling powerless and open to more pain, but I promise God is really good at being God and he's an amazing father, as Dr Phil famously says. How's that working for you? You know that being God thing. It didn't ever really work well for me. Maybe it gave me a sense of control. At times that was darkly satisfying, kind of like drinking way too much caffeine, but it didn't take me very long to realize that control is a complete illusion. And all the people who ever had a two-year-old said Amen, and the ones that I love the most and felt like I was trying to protect ended up being the ones most wounded by my attempts at being God, his plan that he was never intimidated by our mess-ups, for Jesus' death to pay for it all.
Speaker 1:That I can walk in full forgiveness and freedom all the time past, present and future, for myself, for everybody else. That I can go straight there and skip the punishment part. It works. I know it sounds like I'm telling you that you won the lottery. You did. You just need to cash in the check. It's all yours to use yourself and to give away, and it's bottomless. There's enough. When we realize that that's the Savior that we have. Oh, I never want any distance between him and me, ever, ever again. When I do badly, when I fail again, instead of hiding like Adam and Eve in the garden, I realize that when I've fallen is the time to draw close to him. The enemy wants me to punish myself by isolating from him in those moments and live in shame. That's not in God.
Speaker 1:Do you remember when you first learned to ride a bike? Maybe you first took the training wheels off and you fell and you scraped your knee. Can you picture a child in that situation when his father saw him fall and came running to help? What if that child turned and ran away, ashamed of the fall, thinking his father would yell and be angry? That's not who he is. In him is the father who sees his child fall off her bike and scrape her knee, and he runs toward me. He scoops me up, he helps me heal and he puts me back on that bike and cheers me on, Not just once but over and over. He doesn't want to spank me, he wants to deliver me.
Speaker 1:And once again the goodness of God draws me to repentance and my behavior changes, not because I've modified my behavior with punishment, but because my heart is changed with his radical love. I don't know if that's as new to you as it was to me, but it's been so life-changing from the moment I first heard and read about the ideas in those books until I began to start living it and receiving it, and experience what it's like to be a person deeply seeped in punishment, right wrong culture, and learn that actually it's already been paid for and I can walk in that full acceptance. I can tell you this I feel closer to God than I've ever felt in my life. My heart for doing the things that please him is on fire, instead of being afraid and feeling like I secretly wanted to do all those other things. Anyway, my heart's been changed and because of that, my behavior has changed to become more like him, because I trust him and I trust that what he says is for my good and his glory.
Speaker 1:So thanks for hanging out today. I hope that that blessed you. If you'd like to talk about any of these things, you guys can see there's an option to text me here on the podcast notes and again, I will post the name of those books as well in the program notes so that you can see what those are. Thanks for hanging out with me today. It's been awesome and I can't wait to hang out with you again. Okay, bye guys. Hey you guys. Thanks for hanging out with us today. I hope you got some refreshment from this Sip from the Fountain If you're curious to hear more, or if you like what you've heard, you can go ahead and subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen to yours, or follow our Instagram account Sips from the Fountain or our Facebook page by the same name. Special thanks for Cover Art Photography to the Sarah D Harper, and I can't wait to hang out with you guys next time. Thanks so much, love y'all, thank you.