Sips from the Fountain
Learning to drink from Jesus, the Fountain of Living Water, isn’t as hard as I thought, especially when you just start with sips, and those will change everything.
Sips from the Fountain
Shame Doesn’t Get the Last Word: Porn Addiction and Marriage
What happens when the healing you're praying for doesn't come in the way you expected? Bridgette’s powerful testimony reveals the unexpected path to freedom she discovered after 24 years in a marriage devastated by pornography addiction.
From the beginning, there were warning signs. A premarital counselor explicitly advised against the union, but young love and faith convinced Bridgette they could overcome any obstacle together. Just two weeks after their wedding, her husband suggested an annulment—the first of many painful cycles in what would become decades of broken promises, counseling attempts, and dashed hopes.
Bridgette vulnerably shares how she exhausted herself trying to manage her husband's recovery, pouring resources into his healing while neglecting her own. The turning point came when she symbolically handed him over to God, declaring "I'm not going to be the detective anymore." This surrender paradoxically became her first step toward freedom.
The most profound moment of clarity arrived during a beach vacation when, while playing in the waves as her husband isolated himself in their condo, she distinctly heard God speak: "This is life, and that is death." Months later, when confronted with undeniable evidence of continued and profound addiction, that divine insight gave her the courage to draw a line she had never been able to maintain before.
What makes Bridgette’s story so powerful isn't necessarily her decision to leave, but her commitment to healing from the shame that had defined her experience for decades. "God hates divorce but He loves divorced people," a counselor told her—words that helped her reconcile her faith with her circumstances. Today, she radiates a joy that defies expectations, having discovered that sometimes the healing we pray for isn't about changing others, but about allowing God to transform our own hearts.
Do you ever feel like life can get too complicated and maybe even overwhelming? Yeah, me too. And it's okay. My name's Martha Gannot and in this podcast we're going to talk about life, love, faith, family relationships, all kinds of things, and we're going to drink from what God wants to pour into us, one small sip at a time, because when it's the fountain of living water, small sips make all the difference. Sometimes it'll be just you and me. Sometimes we'll have a friend join us. If we could have lunch together today, this is what I'd want to talk about. Okay, hello you guys, and welcome back to the podcast. I'm so excited to have my friend with us today. Welcome to the Upper Room.
Speaker 1:You want to say, we got up here and we're like what are we doing? We're like we feel like two little girls playing podcasts. She's coming to the Upper Room to hang out and play, so we're gonna have a really great time. And you know we've been talking about life was not supposed to turn out like this. But then how can we choose to be victors instead of victims in the pain, loss and disappointment that comes with life? So Bridget's going to tell us her story, we're going to talk through it and I think that a lot of folks are going to resonate with what she has to say, and I just want to thank you in advance, bridget, for your vulnerability and your honesty and the fact that you have embraced hope and healing instead of going the other direction, because that's what we want to hear about today. So what if we just start with your story? Let's hear it.
Speaker 2:Okay, so my story started back actually in 1994. I met a man that quickly fell in love with, had been in the military and pretty shortly after realized that he struggled with pornography. Okay, I was young, a little bit naive, and kind of told myself that you know, probably most men struggle, yeah, sure, and I really loved him and I thought we could conquer this, this is not going to be a problem. We went through some premarital counseling and it was through that counseling we met as a a couple and then we met as individuals and the counselor at that time just really encouraged me not to marry him.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:But I felt like God had brought him into my life. Like you know, all the signs were there that this was the right thing. He was a wonderful man.
Speaker 1:All the signs, except the counselor telling you don't marry him Exactly. But but we're young and those now at this stage we maybe would react differently. But you weren't, you were young, right yeah.
Speaker 2:Um, and I did see red flags, but I chose to look the other direction and I just I really thought you know, we can conquer this with the Lord. He was a believer. We'll work through this, um. However, I did not know the depth of the addiction.
Speaker 1:Okay, and we're going to circle back around to the, the I was told I shouldn't, I knew better, and the shame that comes with that. We're going to circle back around to that, so keep us going with your story.
Speaker 2:Okay. So we got married. Um, pretty quickly into the marriage, um, maybe even after two weeks, he suggested an annulment. I guess he quickly realized that, you know, marriage was not going to to fix this, this problem, um. So, basically, marriage was not going to to fix this, this problem. So, basically, the marriage was hard.
Speaker 2:From two weeks after we were married. It was just lots of lows, not many highs, you know, just trudging through. Lots of people, though, came to us to mentor us, to counsel us. People, though, came to us to mentor us, to counsel us. Like I never felt, like I was alone or we were alone.
Speaker 2:Through this whole process I cried, you know, daily, shed so many tears, so many prayers, prayed over him and thought I'll never have children. That's not going to happen for me, because I didn't want to bring children, you know, into this. But God saw another way and became pregnant without even trying. Wow. So to me it wasn't planned. And more tears, you know, just fear. But anyway, the struggles continued. We sought out multiple counselors, even went out to Colorado Springs. We saw a renowned counselor in this area who counseled with us. I was pregnant at that time, but it would seem as if things were getting better, but they were really just being buried and becoming more secretive. Um, just you know catching, and then he would repent, try to change. But it was just the cycle of addiction.
Speaker 2:There's a cycle that addiction follows. Um so fast forward many, many years, two children later. Um, when smartphones came about, that was pretty much the demise.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's the crack cocaine of pornography addiction, for sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And then I, just shortly after that, kind of made an ultimatum with them. You know, I'm not, I'm not going to be able to stay this way. And during this time, several people encouraged me to separate, to leave Um. We did, uh do a six month separation where he went out for some counseling in another state, um, and then when he came home, it was just very apparent that there had been no change. And then during COVID, just being home with him daily, I realized that things were not good at all. And it was during that time that I started praying for God to rescue me out of this just really, really difficult marriage, because it became to where I was more afraid to stay than to leave. And that was a first for me, because I had always been so fearful of leaving. You know, how would I take care of myself? What would that do to my children? I never wanted them to have to walk through divorced parents, and so I just put my head down and trudged on. But it was. God did rescue me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you did end up separating 2020, you said, and then moving all the way through with divorce at that point.
Speaker 2:Yes, okay.
Speaker 1:Yes, I think my question for you, bridget, would be you know there are there's really nothing that God can't heal, and I know that he does a lot of healing in this area of addiction and sexual addiction, pornography. For you was, I think, not just your marriage falling apart because of it, but the fact that you knew that healing is possible and available, but that didn't happen for you. How do you deal with that with God? I would think it would be so easy to sink into anger and bitterness. Was there any anger? Frustration, of course, towards your husband, but towards God? Can you speak to that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm looking back now. I definitely can see where I struggle with anger and some bitterness. And there were times I just felt like, because I was very private and I didn't share with a lot of people, I thought, can they see it? Like you know, can they see it? But but I don't know that they see it. I felt very alone where he was getting counseling. We, I was always trying to help him get better. You know, pay for him to go to counseling, because I thought if he could get better than I could get better, and so I was reading all the self-help books and I was trying to you know, I was working so hard and he really wasn't working a lot of the time. Yeah, and there just came a point I don't even remember what year it was and I threw all the self-help books at him.
Speaker 1:Oh.
Speaker 2:And I told him you know I'm tired of reading the books, it's your turn.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and which is really a healthy place? Right when you stop owning trying to make another person change because you can just be in charge of you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it was shortly after that I was just in bed alone, crying, praying, like I spent many nights and I just remember, like in my mind, putting him in my hands and just holding him up to Jesus, and I just said he's yours, lord. I'm not going to be the detective, I'm not going to try to be his counselor. I'll try to be his wife, even though that's difficult, um, but just give me strength to endure this. But he is yours, um wow. So, that was a turning point, for me at least.
Speaker 1:What changed after that?
Speaker 2:It gave me the strength to To care for my children, to be the mom that they needed to be, because I spent a lot of time just in tears, like probably depressed, but not seeking help for that, because again the money was going towards helping him, counseling. But I feel like through that, through handing him over, it freed me up just majorly and increased my trust in God. And now, looking back, you know I wanted him to change. I wanted him to change and I think all along, although it seems like right now the healing did not come for him, there's been a lot of healing that has come for me through through the eventual divorce.
Speaker 1:Well, and I think that the truth is, his best chance for healing is for you to stop trying to manage it Right and to give him over to the Lord. And I think sometimes in situations like this. Um, I know that there are sometimes that people do stay in a marriage because they feel like that's what they should be doing, and there are sometimes that people feel led to leave a marriage and that's what they end up doing. So, first of all, I just want to honor you. How long did you stay?
Speaker 2:24 years, that's amazing.
Speaker 1:So I just want to honor that. You did that. That's amazing. So I just want to honor that. You did that. It's amazing. And then I also really would like to hear a little bit more about you beginning to find healing for yourself and some of the things that the Lord's taught you. Let's circle back around to the I was told not to marry him and that developing into shame, because that was a major obstacle for you coming into divorce, Even when we reconnected we were connected many years ago and then reconnected in this process you want to speak to shame and what the Lord's done with that in your life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I've always dealt with shame, just from even a little girl. My parents were alcoholics, so addiction has kind of it's just always been a part of my life and that was a big piece of this. And during the COVID time, when I was just walking and praying with the Lord, just you know, lord, rescue me from, basically from addiction not my addiction but I'm just tired, lord, this is just so hard. I'm just really tired. Please rescue me.
Speaker 2:And I did not really know how bad things were at that time, but I knew they were bad and honestly, when it all came out it was way worse than I could have imagined. But shame. I felt shame from, just you know, my parents being alcoholics and I felt shame from being the basically sex addict's wife because my husband overshared in places, you know, trying to get his own healing but also sharing in large groups, and that was just very difficult for me because I wanted to protect myself, our family and our children. So reconnecting with Martha and coming back to a church that we had been at previously was just very difficult because I felt like everybody knew and I know they didn't, but your mind can trick you that everybody knows. You know you're the sex addict's wife and I just didn't want that label. I just wanted to be me.
Speaker 2:And so there was a point where I just know that God spoke so, so clearly to me, and one of just very few times in my life. But we were at the beach with some friends our best couple friends and things were difficult. But we went ahead and went on this beach trip and we were out in the water playing in some big, big waves, and I was having the time of my life. But my husband at the time was up in the condo. He spent most of the time up there and didn't really even hang out with us, and I just so clearly heard from the Lord this is life, like what you're experiencing in this, these waves and in this water. This is life and that is death.
Speaker 2:And I knew at that point that something big was about to happen. Okay, and I'll. I'll never forget that day as long as I live and I'll never forget that day as long as I live. And then, throughout that time, so many worship songs and scripture would come to me and they all had to do with water, and so I just really started listening to God speaking to me through different songs through his scripture. Water was just a big, big piece of that.
Speaker 1:Amazing. I love it when he speaks so clearly with that much kindness. I think you know I want to identify. I think it's important to identify that your now ex-husband had shared this story publicly and that is a part of you being okay us being okay with talking about it here on the podcast. This is not sharing something that he himself hasn't shared publicly multiple times. So I wanted to say that in terms of honor. And then also the big thing that was coming came in the form of a revelation, right that you found a phone. It was intolerable what you found and you decided that you couldn't stay in that anymore. But then the fear of moving forward, living on your own, making the change. How did God meet you in that place?
Speaker 2:It was like because of what had happened at the beach and no one I so clearly heard from the Lord. Then I just felt like he said you know, something big was going to happen. So that was June. Fast forward to October and June. Yes, I got access to a phone and it wasn't like being detective because I had not looked at his phone, I had not searched for things in many, many, many, many years. But the phone was just left there and I just heard God say it's time.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:And so found lots of things, you know, and it just there's, there's lots of things you can't live that you cannot live, that's not marriage, yeah. And so through God's just, you know, his grace really showing me. You know, I've tried to show you other times, but I'm really going to show you the depth. And I didn't even cry and I didn't really have any fear, I just knew like it's go time, okay. And um, the very next weekend I came to your single mom small group because it's like I drew a line in the sand and I told him, um, that night I confronted him and I just said I'm not staying in this anymore, I'm done. And you know, shortly after that week and I had threatened before, like probably manipulatively, hoping if I said that he would be like OK, I'm going to- yeah but that had happened probably 25 to 30 times over the marriage.
Speaker 2:But I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was it for me. There was no turning back.
Speaker 1:I love that scripture in Psalms you were sharing about. Do you mind sharing that with everyone? Because I think that there's a good chance that there are people listening to this that are dealing with this at some level, either in their own relationships or people that they know and love are or have been dealing with it, and I think it's so important to recognize that, whatever your brand of pain, loss and disappointment, that the Lord is going to meet you through the process. That's what we hope that you're hearing through this particular story, and the details of the story are really irrelevant, except for to connect with someone else who needs hope. No one's saying we're in favor of divorce, that we are saying you can never divorce. We're not saying any of that. We're saying life gets really hard and the Lord meets you in it and he speaks to you through it. So I love this story. Part of the story.
Speaker 2:So this scripture has shown up a couple different times for me throughout this whole process, and it's Psalm 41 through three, and it says I waited patiently for the Lord and he inclined to me and he heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my Wow and I just I felt I feel like that was just you know the Lord speaking to me, because I felt like I did wait patiently. That was just you know the Lord speaking to me because I felt like I did wait patiently but he rescued me because, you know, like I said, it was very difficult but he just walked me every step of the way. I mean, I can't even tell you the ways he met me, and one was through my single mom small group. Reconnecting with you, coming back to the church where I felt so much shame has brought me so much healing.
Speaker 1:That's so awesome.
Speaker 2:Just financially. He met me emotionally, spiritually. He has just given me such a joy in my heart that you know I shouldn't feel the world would say I shouldn't feel with going through divorce and I am not pro divorce by absolutely not any means. But I met with a wonderful counselor during that time and she said something to me that really freed me up. She said you know, god hates divorce but he loves divorced people.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's so good.
Speaker 2:And that really ministered to me during that time. And he just continues to meet me. He has been a wonderful friend to me, a husband, just in every way. I can't even tell you the ways, and I just confirmed that I did what he called me to do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah Well, I love it that, bridget, that you've decided to be a victor and not get caught in victimhood here, that you decided to go after the Lord instead of listening to the shame. You have any last word to anyone that maybe, let's say, there's someone that's stuck in a situation where they're gripped with fear, this kind of situation, or any situation where they're gripped with fear and shame. What would you say to that person?
Speaker 2:I would say trust in the Lord. You know, pray without ceasing, seek him out. He will hear your cry. He's there with you. He's never going to leave you and sometimes it takes a long time and maybe rethink the healing piece where you think maybe healing is for someone else, when really the Lord is trying to work in your heart.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's a good word. Well, thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for playing podcast with me in the upper room, and we just hope that someone's gotten hope and maybe some insight. If you would like to talk about this further, don't hesitate to reach out. We definitely have the ability to get you resources and to connect and talk about this further. Don't hesitate to reach out. We definitely have the ability to to get you resources and to connect and talk about whatever your situation is. We just appreciate you guys listening. Thanks for hanging out with us and, bridget, thanks again for being here. It's been awesome.
Speaker 1:Hey, you guys, thanks for hanging out with us today. I hope you got some refreshment from this sip from the fountain. If you're curious to hear more or if you like what you've heard, you can go ahead and subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen to yours, or follow our Instagram account, sips from the Fountain, or our Facebook page by the same name. Special thanks for Cover Art Photography to the Sarah D Harper, and I can't wait to hang out with you guys next time. Thanks so much. Love y'all. Thank you.