Sips from the Fountain
Learning to drink from Jesus, the Fountain of Living Water, isn’t as hard as I thought, especially when you just start with sips, and those will change everything.
Sips from the Fountain
Young, Alone, and Pregnant: No "Mess Up" is Too Big for God
What do you do when life doesn't follow your carefully laid plans? When the path you expected becomes unrecognizable? This question lies at the heart of Savannah Sands' extraordinary journey from bitterness to breakthrough.
Savannah never imagined becoming a single mother at 21. Raised in a conservative Christian home with solid biblical knowledge but limited real-world application, she found herself pregnant in college and facing a future that looked nothing like she'd planned. The judgment she received from her faith community planted seeds of bitterness that threatened to define her future.
But Savannah's story isn't about victimhood—it's about choice. Recognizing that her bitterness would ultimately harm her young son, she took a brave step toward healing. Through a small group for single mothers and transformative books on forgiveness, she began what she describes as God's "open-heart surgery" on her life, removing the infection of resentment that was poisoning her from within.
The most profound revelation? Her circumstances didn't change—her heart did. For seven years, Savannah remained a single mother, but her perspective transformed completely. This foundation of healing became crucial when unimaginable tragedy struck: losing two brothers within eight months. Once again facing a choice between bitterness and healing, Savannah chose the harder but more rewarding path.
Today, newly married to a man she believes God brought into her life through the very circumstances she once resented, Savannah sees the redemptive thread woven through her pain. "My relationship with God is where it is because of the pain I went through, not the good things," she reflects.
Whether you're facing unexpected challenges, processing grief, or simply feeling that life hasn't turned out as planned, Savannah's journey offers a compelling invitation: will you let your heart harden, or will you pray for the courage to face your pain and find healing? Remember, your circumstances might never change—but your heart can.
Do you ever feel like life can get too complicated and maybe even overwhelming? Yeah, me too, and it's okay. My name's Martha Gannot, and in this podcast we're going to talk about life, love, faith, family, relationships, all kinds of things, and we're going to drink from what God wants to pour into us, one small sip at a time, because when it's the fountain of living water, small sips make all the difference. Sometimes it'll be just you and me, sometimes we'll have a friend join us. If we could have lunch together today, this is what I'd want to talk about. Well, hey, hey, hey everyone, and welcome back to the podcast. Oh, I'm so looking forward to this episode, already laughing and having a great time with my dear friend, savannah Sands. When I met you, you were Savannah Cook, I was. We met back in. I guess what did we say five years ago?
Speaker 2:Five years ago yeah, Met you through the Single Mom Small Group.
Speaker 1:Yeah, way back when, way back. We met back in. I guess what did we say five years ago?
Speaker 2:Five years ago, yep Met you through the single mom small group Yep. Way back when, Way back.
Speaker 1:You had a three-year-old.
Speaker 1:I did yeah At that point and already your story was amazing.
Speaker 1:And then I got to watch the transformation as you chose to engage with God in the hard place of healing and forgiving so many different places and life and yourself, and just really got to watch your process and your journey and then have been a part of you sharing it and knew that I needed to have you on the podcast so that you could share it with everyone else. And we folks are in the middle of our series when life doesn't turn out the way that you life wasn't supposed to be like this right, it didn't turn out the way you thought it was gonna be, and then we get to make a choice we get to be a victim or we get to be a victor. I would say victor is the harder road to actually engage with, but so much more worth it than just deciding to be a victim in your life. And you truly have become a victor, Not like I don't mean in like a dominant I'm a girl boss way, I mean in a. It's made you better instead of bitter. But it was a journey.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, I'd say that's where we look back now and see that, because I remember we were talking about this earlier when I walked into the small group gosh. I had a three-year-old then, so I don't know how old, how old I was.
Speaker 1:I got pregnant at 21. So okay, I was gonna say you don't have to share on this podcast how old you are, but you can, if you want.
Speaker 2:I'm 22 now thank you with an eight-year-old, but I walked in and I thought, oh, it's gonna be all these young moms.
Speaker 1:No, no, no they were, they were they were still so young, but they were not, you're young, 21.
Speaker 2:Like I thought everyone was gonna be, they were divorcees, and they're what 30s, 40s, 50s you were definitely the youngest, I was, yeah but I think at that point, like what you talked about being a victim, I was so desperate for it. I was like, well, I guess I'm staying in this group because I don't know where else to go, you know. And then I did you were desperate for that.
Speaker 1:And so what if we start at the beginning of your journey and let's work up to where you were desperate for that, whatever that was, and then talk about what it was that you had decided to seek in your life. So just start us at the beginning of your story.
Speaker 2:Goodness, I feel like I'm the definition of grew up in a church and so sheltered, and I feel like I didn't know what intimacy with Jesus was. And then I go to college, far away from home, knew no one, had no. I feel like I had the foundation of scripture but never got a chance to test it. If that, makes sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel like I had the foundation of scripture but never got a chance to test it, if that makes sense, and not saying that I needed to test it, but I didn't understand sin as much consequences. So I mean, fast forward through college. I had a great time and I didn't. I don't think I. I think at that point I was like, well, I went from legalism to abusing grace because I was like, well, god's going to forgive me anyways, and I think I was just so desperate for, wait, these are the choices I'm making. I got to keep making them because I've made my bed now and I'm going to lay in it.
Speaker 2:And so I look back now and I'm like why was I even like making some of the choices I was making? Like it's so weird, like hindsight, to look back and be like I'm not even remotely the same person.
Speaker 1:Isn't that interesting yeah.
Speaker 2:So I found out I was pregnant when I was a junior in college. Obviously I was a junior, I was 21. I grew up in a very conservative home where we just don't talk about hard things, so that was a very interesting dynamic which, ironically, my family was so loving and supporting Not ironically, I shouldn't have said that, yeah.
Speaker 1:You wouldn't expect it from a conservative faith culture, I would say sure, which I always knew, my no one was kicking me out.
Speaker 2:No one was, but it was just the love I received from my family, I think was a big jump to. Okay, I can do this. I was by myself, I was 21 and I was like I'm coming home. So I just from then it was I'm home and we're figuring this out and I think I mean that's a very condensed summary of kind of how that started.
Speaker 2:But I think I just didn't understand like intimacy with God. I immediately was like my identity now is a single mom, like that's it and that's all. And I'm like no one's ever going to love me. No one's going to who wants this baggage? I mean, I had one lady. This is horrible. I had one lady tell me like there's a special person out there. I'm praying for that for you. I just pray it's not any of my kids. And so you're like wait, I think you're trying to be nice, but actually that's crazy. And I remember and I mean we've me and you have talked about this before I think there was more shame while I was pregnant, like one lady was like how dare you flaunt your sin?
Speaker 2:And I remember being confused. It was almost like I was watching and that flaunting your sin by being pregnant, and like and I announced it Like I told the world I was in therapy and my therapist was like I feel like you're pretending like this isn't happening. Let's just and I mean, it took a lot to build up to that moment and I did. I remember being like okay, I did it. Like no judgment to those who are younger pregnant, but I was 21.
Speaker 2:Like I was old enough to figure it out. I'm not, I wasn't a teen mom, and again no judgment to that. But I was old enough to be, I'm a woman and I'm going to figure this out, and I remember thinking.
Speaker 1:Well, I think at that point it's also, in a sense, you were laying your own life down because you were embarrassed. Oh yeah, you're embarrassed. So this was more about choosing to announce the life of your child. It became about your child at that point, and you know we've talked at different points in this series even about things that we say to each other in hard situations and first of all I want to say I know that that's been a part of your journey is to forgive right.
Speaker 1:Forgive every single person well-meaning, well-intentioned or maybe not Like your forgiveness is when you stop drinking the cup of poison and expecting the other person to die. You stopped it. So when we talk about these things, I just want everyone to know like we've processed deeply through this journey and there's no judgment anymore of people who are inappropriate, said things they shouldn't have hurtful. But I think it's also really great to talk about it as a Christian community so that we understand man Right.
Speaker 2:And I'm not saying I've always told people this. Looking back now, at no point did I need people to say like it's okay, right, right. And I'm not saying I've always told people this. Looking back now, at no point did I need people to say like it's okay. I needed someone to say, hey, savannah, how can I pray for you? How's your heart? Because I was doing it Like I from the moment I found out I was pregnant. My son was never a regret at all. So if that's the consequence of my choice like that, what a blessing that God blessed me with that Period. It doesn't mean it wasn't a hard road.
Speaker 1:Right. But I heard a pastor say one time that you know, we, I think in the body of Christ we misinterpret the gift of discernment and we think that discernment means to call out sin and shame someone. Well, the truth is it doesn't take any discernment to see the trash, the garbage in my life, what I'm not doing. Well, that's obvious. That's not a gift. What takes Holy Spirit discernment is to look at a person who's covered up with junk in their life and to see the treasure that God designed them to be and call that forth. And I think, even in these situations, you didn't need anyone to shame you anymore. You had plenty.
Speaker 2:You were full up, right, and I think that's when the bitterness began to take root, because I remember thinking, why is everyone shaming me now? And the second I have this baby, everyone's going to be like what a blessing she chose life, like what a blessing, wow. And I felt like I almost like was looking at it from the outside in of like, okay, I'm confused. And now this is where the bitterness started, but also this is where I think Jesus started doing something in me, because I was confused, like I was like okay, yes, I made choices.
Speaker 1:And now I'm back at church, I'm back with my family. I've stopped living the great time that turned out to be not so great.
Speaker 2:And like even then I have made the best friends at that time in my life. Like I wouldn't trade the things that I went through then, like I just didn't like who I was as a person. It wasn't necessarily even all the choices I was making. I had a heart issue and I think me getting pregnant. I had to move home and I mean I deeply miss my friends I live with. Like it was a, it was a pullback of I've lost. I played the sport in college Like I lost my friend. I didn't lose my friends, but I lost community with them and I mean to this day when my child was born.
Speaker 2:They drove down. So like I see the blessing, even now, I think. But it's crazy, in that moment I just felt so like oh my gosh, this is my life. And then immediately the victimization I'm a single mom the bitterness, the anger, the anger towards other believers. But I will say I'm so thankful that at no point did I just turn away from it. I could have at any point been like fine, god, this is it. I think I didn't blame God, like I was like no, no, no, these are just other people's judgments, okay.
Speaker 1:Well, now what? And so I think that's kind of where it started then, at least in my life. Yeah, so when you say you were you were desperate for for that small group? What were you hungry for? Where were you at that point in your life?
Speaker 2:I think I got to a point where I was like, okay, this, I am a single mom and not in an identity way of just fact, like factual, and I'm a bitter, angry person. And I knew my child was young enough that I was like I've got to do this now because this is going to affect him for the rest of his life, and not saying that there's still not things like even now that I work through and I grow through and my son sees that.
Speaker 2:But I knew then I was like, oh, I'm deep in it, I'm deep in it, and so I think I remember praying. I went to Bethlehem church because someone asked me I was already had a church home, but I went here and I prayed. Okay, god, I'll join a small group if there's something that will offer childcare, because I knew Bethlehem was one of the trendy ones that did the small groups during the week and I saw the single moms one and I think that first week there were like four of us.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And like we didn't know each other and now we're friends. But then I was just like where are we going? Because I got to go somewhere, I think. At that point I was like I can't go back anymore and I can't stay where I am. So where do I go?
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:Wow, so what started then? How did you transform from a bitter, angry person mad at probably a lot of people, including yourself? Yeah, where did you go from there? How did?
Speaker 2:you get from there to here. I think well, one of the books. I don't know if I can name drop a book.
Speaker 1:Let's name drop it. We'll put it in the show notes.
Speaker 2:Experiencing the Father's Embrace. I think we only made it through the first four or five chapters.
Speaker 1:It's so funny. I just had a coworker text me yesterday and say what's your favorite book on intimacy with Jesus, and I knew I had to send them. Experiencing the Father's Embrace by Jack Frost is the name of that book and we'll pop it in the show notes.
Speaker 2:It's so good, but I remember reading it and it talks about experiencing God's love and the guy in the book was talking about intimacy and legalism, like intimacy with God and how he grew up in legalism and that performance, and I think that was the beginning of the shift of just understanding that God loves me.
Speaker 2:Like it was just that that sounds so silly, but as simple as God loves me. And so where do I go now from here? How do you walk in that? And so then I think through that there was a ton of forgiveness in that book, Because I mean, that's what God calls us to do, Like he forgave us and loves us.
Speaker 2:That's the ultimate expression of love. So then, how do I forgive other people? And I remember just going through. I think we wrote down and we did another book too about forgiveness. Another name drop the Lisa Turker's book.
Speaker 1:Forgiving what you Can't Forget.
Speaker 2:And I think I realized, like at that point, like I didn't want to live that way. I think I started to seeing people around me and I'm like, wait, it was like again, like I said earlier, I was standing there looking from the outside of, like, okay, God, then what are you going to do in me? Cause I don't, I don't want that. So then you always tell the analogy, um, or I look at it like it's almost like at that point in my life, God like took out a huge, like surgery, massive infection, and I think since then it's just been little touch-up surgeries, Wow, Like I look at that point in my life as the turning point of I went through the open heart surgery and God got out the junk. And then it's like, okay, God, now that recovery is hard, Like that was, to date, the hardest thing I've ever done. But I think I look at it like but what more could God do? How is he going to change my life? How is he going to change my life? How is he going to change?
Speaker 1:my son's life.
Speaker 2:And I mean it's easy to say now what my son's turning eight this summer. But in that moment I think I just saw, like God, who do I need to forgive? Do I need I need to forgive myself for? The choices I made, forgive people around me who have hurt me and then, at the end of the day, I'm not a victim. It doesn't have anything to do with me, okay wow, okay, first of all, we're going to go back to that.
Speaker 1:not a victim thing, but before that I just really love that analogy of unforgiveness is like an infection around your heart, your spiritual heart of course, and what's going? To happen to your heart if it's loaded up with infection.
Speaker 2:You're not going to live a life, there's no justice, there's no like I'm not winning, and I think it took a long time to be like wait, if this hasn't been working, then that was the shift of okay, god, then I want to do the hard stuff to get better, because I would rather be healed than yeah, Right, Okay, now we got to touch on this man.
Speaker 1:I'm going to need to start keeping notes. There is no justice when you say that. I think that's one of the biggest obstacles that keeps people from forgiving Right and me. Because you want to say they shouldn't get away with that. How do you get?
Speaker 2:past. That it's just. I think I went through. It's not fair. I think it gets to a point where it's not about them, they're just a wounded person. About them, they're just a wounded person.
Speaker 2:And it's about okay, god, what are you trying to teach me in this? Because I always say my circumstances. I tell this, we've talked about this with the girls in our group. Your circumstance might never change. At that point in my life, I think my son was going on four or five. My circumstances were the exact same, but it was a total heart shift. Total heart shift and I think it took surrounding myself with good community, humility of when I was, and seeing that, yuck, like we would talk, and then I'd say, oh, that yeah, like forgive me for my judgments. Now, god of that person.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I think it just totally became a turning inward. If that makes sense.
Speaker 1:Yes, I mean, I just again. I love that analogy. What happens to your heart when the infection has been removed? You can start truly healing.
Speaker 2:And breathe, and then I move forward. I'm like wait, I just got, I got freed up, I forgave someone else and now I'm the one who can breathe and move forward, and now I can tell something. Like it just is a cycle of going through and I don't think I realized the impact that would have at that time. I think I was just trying to like see God, I'm trying to forgive and we've talked about forgiveness isn't a one-time thing.
Speaker 2:There were times I wake up and I'm like I choose to forgive today and I'm going to forgive what they do in the future.
Speaker 1:And I'm going to keep going, and keep going.
Speaker 2:But then it becomes where then your heart isn't bitter anymore, like to me. There was so much more freedom in that. I didn't like the yuckiness and I was like okay, god, I want to breathe again and live, because I've seen you do it in other people. I think I was looking around, I'm like other people have had it, so I know you can do it Right, and I think and I'm thankful, though, and I always prayed too that God would was my fear. I mean, I think I was and that might come from some like growing up in the legalism that I was just scared.
Speaker 1:Still a scary story.
Speaker 2:And his heart did harden and it was devastating and I was so scared I mean. I truly remember being like God. Please don't harden my heart. I'm trying, god, please don't harden my heart. I'm trying, wow, and to me, I think that God is faithful, like his whole love. Definition is forgiveness. Why wouldn't he help me then forgive?
Speaker 1:Oh, that's so good. Wow, there's so much power in saying your circumstances didn't change. You did, because so much of our culture tells us that we are constantly chasing a set of circumstances to make us happy, and that's a lie. How many people do we know in wonderful circumstances that are miserable? And people that in your situation you end up, you end up being goodness what 25 ish and happier than you were when you were quote, having a great time.
Speaker 2:Right, and even then, like the whole, I remember to bring up just single moms, specifically, like looking around and being like, well, other people are getting married and other people are this, and then you become a victim again. You become wow and it's not even like I had to forgive anyone. I was just comparing and comparing and then I realized again it's just a heart change.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:Because I'm so thankful for the time that God used of just me. We talked about that tonight. The community I had for so many years, we have a good time. Yeah, it's just so fun.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's awesome yeah.
Speaker 2:And it's crazy too. I can sit and tell that story and that's just like this sounds. I don't know how this will sound, but it's such a small part actually, of, like, the big story of my life, Like I think at that time I thought when I had a baby, that's it, that defined my whole life and that's just it. And let me tell you, there's been so many good things.
Speaker 2:There's been worse things like, and not worse my child again is the best thing ever but worse, hardness-wise and hurt and like even then I'm like okay, well, if I made it through that, it's almost like okay, god did it, we'll do it again.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:Like each thing that God has shown that he is faithful in, it's just proving like there's still and there's forgiveness in anything you know.
Speaker 1:So, and I think that you know back to that we just I think I had an incorrect perception of life that if I did it all right and I followed God's plan, there are blessings that come with that kind of thing. But I think I thought it meant that I wouldn't experience hard things. But when you look at the scripture, that's not the story at all, that we do live in a world where things are broken and people are human and I hate to say it, but more hard things are coming in our lives and it sounds like for you, like you learned how to navigate that hard thing.
Speaker 1:You really trusted God with your heart, even when it had been wounded and more harder things were actually coming. What happened then? Are you finished with this section of your story? I mean, is there anything else you want to process?
Speaker 2:I think it blends into the next of like, god just continued to like work. And I think I got to a point where I was like, okay, god, you did all the healing, like woo, arrived, check, arrived. And then I was like no, there's so much more. But I think, because it's like once you're not blind, you're not blind Like I saw it everywhere, like anytime something came up, it's like oh, here's another thing to forgive. Oh here's another thing.
Speaker 1:The guy in traffic. There was a woman on my tail the whole way into work this morning. Forgive her.
Speaker 2:Yep, forgive her. And I remember hearing other people say that, because when you're in the bitterness you might be listening now and you're like easy for you to say like uh, but I think that's what it becomes, the freedom of like, oh yeah, something that little and you practice it. So, leading into the next part, because I mean there were many years of like heartbreak and love and life and moving and degrees and jobs and friends and like, again, so thankful God's hand was through all of that. But I look at it and I think now I was talking about this the other day looking back, I can see where God redeemed things that in the moment I didn't realize, like God doing that heart change of me and all my bitterness and anger helped work some things out, like even in our family. And just like long story short, I had two brothers who died and one I mean now, Wade, died two years ago, in June. He was 23 at the time he died and then my baby brother, drake, was also 23 when he died. He died eight months later.
Speaker 2:But I look at even those moments and I'm like I could be mad at God. I could be mad at people around me. And don't get me wrong. There were times where I was real honest with God and I'm like God, I'm ticked, why would you do this to me? But I look at the same way I looked at with my situation being a single mom. How would I end up where I am Like, even without going through that pain, like relationships, and my family restored.
Speaker 2:My child a few few months ago came to know Jesus because of all the talk about eternity and heaven. So there's so many things that in the moment you might be thinking, well, I don't see it. No, I'm just angry, I'm just bitter. And now I see the freedom. And I'm not saying like we've talked about, life's not without pain and suffering, but it's how we choose to then walk in that and it's not to say we don't have bad days. It's not to say we don't have days where I'm mad. But I look at just all the things God has set up and I would not like. My testimony is that, like, my relationship with God is where it is because of the pain and suffering I went through, not because of the good things I went through. Wow, she just said that out loud. I feel like mic drop, wow. I feel like mic drop, wow.
Speaker 1:But yeah, and you're really young to say that and I'll say I also was there for that processing and you weren't there.
Speaker 1:I wasn't there In the rawness of that moment, just to confirm. But I think that what happens in our lives a lot of times, like you, got to that point where let's go back early, when you're 21, 22, 23, where you realize I'm angry and I'm bitter and you, you made a choice, like I'm, I'm in this place and I've been here long enough that it's time to put down the first brick and start building a house to stay in it yeah and you said I will not build a house in this, I won't stay, stay in it, I'll move forward.
Speaker 1:So I think we have these normal reactions, but then we get to choose Are we going to move through it, are we going to stay in it?
Speaker 1:And I think a lot of it has to do with your community as you mentioned, like you could surround yourself with people that are also angry and bitter, and would encourage you to stay that way. You know, one of the first things we say in the single mom small group when gals come in is we are not man haters in this group, and I've had women leave and refuse to come back because we're not going to be that, it's not about that, it's not about that, we're not going to build our house in that.
Speaker 1:And those women have experienced something, but then they moved through it into healing and so, um, it's like you learned that that's the rhythm of when hard things hit yeah that's how you process it. I can't imagine losing two brothers within eight months yeah, and your heart.
Speaker 2:It's a heart shift too. I'm like I look at my mom with compassion because I'm like God how does someone walk through that?
Speaker 2:But then again I look at now, again it's now I see that and I know there's some people who might not ever see why God did that. And you know, in the Bible, job, god never answered why Like I could look at my situation as a single mom as anything God just says that he's going to walk it through us and we're not saying those things that happened are good that is not what we're saying or not horrible, or horrific, or painful.
Speaker 1:What you're saying I've heard you say it already is that God redeems those things, whether it's on this side of eternity or the next.
Speaker 2:Because I mean I remember crying to a friend about one of my brothers dying, because I remember talking about all the healings God's done and I'm like, oh, I want that for this one brother, I want that for him, and then he died. I'm like, well, did God not kind of, did he not get full healing? And it might not be what I wanted? I mean I would pick him here every day, absolutely. And I just look at any situation with what God's walking.
Speaker 2:It's like the guy by the pool in the water and God said, or whoever says, do you want to be healed? Like, is that not the question he asked us? Like, do we want to be?
Speaker 1:And I think sometimes and I was like there, so many mics dropping so many mics.
Speaker 2:But I remember thinking at one point well, no, because then I don't feel justified. Or no, because I don't feel they're not admitting it, or will this happen? And look at where my life is, and there's always like a no, but They've never apologized. They never admitted their fault.
Speaker 1:They never said they were sorry, I never got the job.
Speaker 2:I never got this. Then it's like, okay, but what? They answer I didn't need a. But they answer do you want to be healed? And then, when they answered yes, well God, now what are you going to do?
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 2:And I think I will say, at that time in my life, though I was open to it, I was like God, okay, I have arms open, I have nothing else. And I think that was the difference. I wasn't sitting there close-hearted, close-minded, I was willing, and I think that's a huge shift in forgiveness and love and all the things is being a willingness to say well, god, I don't know why you did this, but what do you want me to know? Wow, and all of it.
Speaker 1:Right, and you were a single mom for a long time.
Speaker 2:A long time. Yeah how long. I got pregnant at 21 and I just got married this past November. I'm almost 30.
Speaker 2:Again, never asked you to, never required that you share your age, but Now everyone knows so like, but I'm saying seven years, yeah, it wasn't about any of the things finding a husband or my brother, I mean again, I would give anything for my brothers to be here, but it wasn't about them being. It wasn't about any of that, it was just about God changing my heart Because we keep going and I got a kid to raise and I got life to go on. So I want to be a healed person who then my child, like I, wanted to be healed up so my child could walk through with a healed parent. And I think that probably was the biggest motivation early was I don't want to be here because I know what this will do to a child and even though that probably wasn't the best motivation at the beginning, it was the start.
Speaker 1:Whatever works to bring you to him. Yeah, I just think it's so incredible, savannah, incredible Savannah, like I know I'm circling back around to this, but we so tend to attach to the things that are going to provide what you're describing. But we attach to things like you know. I mean, I think, at least for women, one of our worst fears is to end as a single mom, is to be a single mom, and then you and you and you know you can see it in that population there are, you know, the longing to find the thing that's going to make it better, whether it's financial provision, a new husband or not, that getting great jobs and having wonderful marriages are not wonderful, but there's this desperation for those things. But I hear you say you came to the group because your desperation was that heart change that you're describing.
Speaker 1:And then your circumstances don't matter, and then you move on to get married, but you're not pulling on a husband to satisfy something that only having your heart aligned with the father and only having walking in the identity you were created for as a healed and healing person that's the only thing that could bring that to you. And that's often what defiles our relationships, what defiles our careers, what defiles our relationships with our bodies. Either we have to have a certain health or we have to have them look a certain way and all those connections, those things were meant to be gifts to us. They were never meant to be the sources of our happiness and fulfillment. So once you got that right, sized, your, your heart put aligned with the father, then you were able to enjoy the gifts of your life, your son and now your husband, for what they were supposed to be.
Speaker 2:Right, and I think at the time, even when I came to the group, I was desperate for I couldn't put to words what I was desperate for.
Speaker 1:So I think it's interesting.
Speaker 2:Now, this many years out, I can look back and be like, yeah, I was desperate for healing, I didn't want to be a victim and bitter, but I think I had to learn that I was that Like I didn't know I was a bitter person.
Speaker 1:I didn't know, I was an angry person.
Speaker 2:I didn't know I needed to forgive people. Like, if anything, I was like, no, they need to ask for forgiveness, like it's justified, but I did. It's almost like you don't know what you don't know and then, once you see it oh my goodness, do you see it? Like your eyes are all open to it and you're like crap. Now I got a lot to do God. I got a lot to do, but you're right, it's just a total. It's just a total heart change.
Speaker 1:You know, we talked about saying you know here at the end and you did just kind of tell folks that now you're married, newly married, and you said something when we were talking beforehand about how the Lord set this up and the redemption involved. Can you share what you said as we kind of wrap?
Speaker 2:up the story I remember recently. Well, I think for years I've prayed on and off for things like even just as simple as I want a closer relationship with my brothers, or I want, obviously my child to get saved, and I think I prayed those prayers and then, all of a sudden, I had a moment in the past six months where I was like, oh my gosh, the way I'm seeing prayers that I prayed years ago that I almost like was like, okay, whatever it's over. And I look at that even of like, oh man, how God's just turned things around. Like even the relationship with my brothers who are living has grown like watching my child get saved, watching like even me and my husband we talk all the time, which he has a really cool testimony but had each of the things that happened to us not have happened, we literally would not have crossed paths at all.
Speaker 1:The hard things, the terrible things. Oh, my goodness, the terrible things, the broken things.
Speaker 2:We literally would not have crossed paths at all because as simple as not moving home, not going to a church, not greet, like so little things that God just like lined up, would not have happened if not the terrible thing.
Speaker 2:So then it's like, okay, well, how can I not see like the beautiful things and hardness? I mean we were talking the other day because a lot of people are like, if I could take it all back, I would. And we were saying the other day you wouldn't be together, we wouldn't take any of it back, not just for Kayla, but because of who we are as people now. Like Because of who we are as people now, like okay, that was my husband I don't think I said his name who we are as people now, who I am as a wife because of the things, who he is as a husband, who my child is, like my family, like it's just so crazy. But it took a long time to get to this point where I can look back and be thankful for the terrible things, and that takes time and people who are listening or whatever might not be there.
Speaker 1:And like if they were sitting here, they maybe would punch you in the face, yeah, they might punch you.
Speaker 2:There were times I wanted to punch people For sure, because you're like shut up, right, you just don't know, right. But then I'm like no, no, no, like I get why. People were looking at me like banging their fists, like it's coming Savannah, and I'm like, no, it's not. And now I'm sitting here doing it to people. I'm like it's coming, it's coming, hang in there. No, like I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:Keep making the right choices, keep your heart soft before the Lord, keep saying don't harden my heart, right, don't harden my heart, yeah, because eight years later, right, and I remember one of the verses.
Speaker 2:I always prayed and I actually remember this moment. This isn't really relevant to forgiveness, but it is to softening my heart when I would pray please don't harden my heart I felt like I was already getting to that point where I was numb and I wasn't and I just started like reading scripture and I would say that verse search me and know me, search me and know me, see if there's any wicked way in me and lead me in the way of everlasting.
Speaker 2:And I remember one day I cried and I remember being like, thank you God, oh my God. I cried and I remember being like, thank you God, oh my God. I cried. I cried Because I was like, thank you God, like I don't want my heart to be hurt and it just slowly. God just soft, like God wants us to have soft hearts who love him and trust him, and like he hurts when we hurt. So I look now at just all the forgiveness and pain and don't get me wrong, there's still things I have to forgive. I'm working on stuff now and trusting in God. But I think that's the whole point is you learn how to do it and then you just keep doing it. Wow, you just keep doing it. It's not a one and done.
Speaker 1:No goodness, it's a lifestyle of freedom.
Speaker 2:And of God healing, like going back, like I talked about God removing the big, like mass and surgery, but in surgery. But sometimes God's got to go back and touch up and he's like you might not want to, but it's time and this one might hurt. Or sometimes he's like, oh look, you got a little finger prick and you're fine. And sometimes he's like, no, we're cutting you back open. But I think there has to be the biggest thing is a willingness. A willingness to want.
Speaker 1:I remember at the beginning, when we started talking you said oh gosh, I think back to those times and I'm just a completely different person. And now you guys have heard the process by which you became a completely different person, when life did not turn out the way that you thought it would be in more than one way. Yeah, yeah, wow.
Speaker 2:I know who you are.
Speaker 1:Thank you for sharing, thanks for having me. Hey, I just want to pray for anyone that's listening. I think there's really something on what you're saying about the hardened heart. So, laura, we just ask that anyone who's listening right now may have a completely different situation than Savannah had, but they have heard the message that she's sharing, that her heart was hardening toward God, and you can't just harden your heart toward one thing. By the way, if you're hardening your heart toward God, it was going to be hard toward your son, toward your co-workers, toward your family, toward anyone that you would potentially marry one day. It's just a hard heart in general. So you've heard what Savannah shared about a hard heart and it's ringing true. So I just speak over you.
Speaker 1:That scripture where the Lord says that he would give you a heart of flesh instead of a heart of stone, that what happened with Savannah. You know, revelation 19, 10 talks about how the testimony of Jesus is actually the spirit of prophecy. So what he's done for one, he's willing and able to do again and again for you, for you who are listening, or you're listening and you're thinking of a friend or a family member who's caught with a heart of stone and hardness and bitterness and anger. This is for you, this is for them. He means to set you free, or to set them free in Jesus' name, and we just say yes and amen to it. Do what you've done in Savannah's heart and life. Do it again, god, and again and again in Jesus name.
Speaker 2:Amen.
Speaker 1:Amen. Thank you, savannah, I love you. Okay, thanks you guys so much for hanging out with us today. We hope this blessed you and we will see you next time. Hey you guys, thanks for hanging out with us today. I hope you got some refreshment from this sip from the fountain. If you're curious to hear more, or if you like what you've heard, you can go ahead and subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen to yours or follow our Instagram account, sips From the Fountain or our Facebook page by the same name. Special thanks for Cover Art Photography to the Sarah D Harper, and I can't wait to hang out with you guys next time. Thanks so much. Love y'all you.