Sips from the Fountain
Learning to drink from Jesus, the Fountain of Living Water, isn’t as hard as I thought, especially when you just start with sips, and those will change everything.
Sips from the Fountain
Where is the Good, God? A Young Widow's Journey through Grief
When life shatters our expectations, where do we find God in the wreckage? This question burns at the heart of Kim Kiser's story—a journey that began with a profound spiritual vision at age 30 and culminated in becoming a widow at 43 with seven children to raise alone.
Kim's transparent account of her husband Rob's unexpected death following what should have been routine heart surgery pulls back the curtain on grief's raw reality. While doctors initially diagnosed blocked arteries, they discovered multiple blood clots in his lungs during surgery. Despite medical intervention and countless prayers, Rob died ten days later, leaving Kim facing her worst fear.
The authenticity with which Kim discusses her coping mechanisms resonates deeply. For six years, she pushed down her questions and pain, staying busy with raising her children and even opening a bakery with friends, all while wrestling with Romans 8:28—how could her husband's death possibly "work together for good"? This theological tension remained unresolved as she continued going through the motions of faith while harboring deep questions.
The turning point came through complete surrender. In a moment of brutal honesty with God, Kim poured out her anger, confusion, and pain—and instead of the condemnation she feared, she experienced profound peace. This breakthrough revealed that the "good" promised in Scripture wasn't about improved circumstances but about transformation into Christ's image.
Perhaps most surprising is Kim's revelation that her experience with loss gave her a new perspective on death itself. Having walked through that valley, she no longer fears it for herself or loved ones. Drawing parallels to biblical figures like Joseph who endured years of suffering before seeing God's purpose, Kim reminds us that when we're in the middle of our story, we can't just "turn the page" to see how it ends.
Ready to discover where God is in your own struggle? Kim's book "Where is the Good God? Finding Good in Our Grief, Sorrow and Disappointment" explores these themes with depth and compassion. Join us in embracing the truth that on this broken planet, suffering might be normal—but it doesn't have to determine who we become.
Do you ever feel like life can get too complicated and maybe even overwhelming? Yeah, me too, and it's okay. My name's Martha Gannot, and in this podcast we're going to talk about life, love, faith, family relationships, all kinds of things, and we're going to drink from what God wants to pour into us, one small sip at a time, because when it's the fountain of living water, small sips make all the difference. Sometimes it'll be just you and me, sometimes we'll have a friend join us. If we could have lunch together today, this is what I'd want to talk about. Well, hey, hey, hey. And welcome back to the podcast. I'm so excited to have my friend, kim Kaiser, here to share with us today.
Speaker 1:We're actually in the middle of the series Life Wasn't Supposed to Be Like this talking about God meeting us in different places of pain, loss and disappointment. And, kim, I gotta be honest with you, this is we're maybe going to deal with one of people's biggest fears right now, today, and that is losing a spouse to death. And you were a you're. You're young, you still are a young widow, but you were even younger, yes, when you lost your husband. And Kim has a book. We're going to be referencing it throughout the podcast.
Speaker 1:Where is the Good God Finding Good in Our Grief, sorrow and Disappointment?
Speaker 1:And when I realized that was the title of your book, I called you and I'm like, okay, I got to get your book and I think you need to come share on the podcast. Like that's exactly what we're talking about. Because, kim, I think a lot of us experience that grief and that pain and that loss and we pull into ourselves, even if, just because, you know, just even dynamics like social media, everyone's posting their highlight reels and it looks like everyone has a great life, and I have a terrible one and I'm broken and so we can sometimes pull into our isolation terrible one and I'm broken, and so we can sometimes pull into our isolation. And I think that this is one that I would love to dispel some fear today from what is one of our biggest fears, I think, as human beings. And not only did you lose your husband as a young woman, but you were a young mom, you have quite a few children, you have six children seven, seven, seven seven children, Kim, and you've raised them as a single mom.
Speaker 1:Yes, ma'am, Okay so, and you are a beautiful human, and I know a lot of folks that have been through difficult things and they got. They got not to go all cliche on us, but they got bitter instead of better. And you didn't. You chose a different path, or the Lord brought you on a different path.
Speaker 1:So why don't we just start with your story and I know that you're going to tell it with some real transparency, and I may just pop in here and ask a clarifying question or dig in a little deeper as we go but I would just love to hear the story. We're going to focus mostly on what the Lord did through Kim's life, so you won't get all the details of the story. You'll have to go to Amazon and get her book to get the full story. This is a little more of just the highlight reel and a big old infusion of hope no matter what today.
Speaker 1:So yeah, Kim, I just love for us. Let's just start talking through what happened.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, thank you for having me first of all. Yeah, so fun, so fun to be here. I want to go back several years to start the story, when I turned 30, at the time I had three boys and that was when I feel like I had been a Christian. I would have told you I was a Christian my whole life, but it was at that point in my life that I felt the Lord. He actually gave me a vision. I won't go into that. You can get the book and read about that Amazoncom, amazoncom. He gave me a vision and after that, my whole world turned upside down.
Speaker 1:So what? I just read this chapter in the book. What was the vision? I'd love to hear, Like what do you mean by that? You want me to tell you? Just give us the short version. I'll give you the short version. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I was in a church and there was a speaker and she was preaching about Moses and about the sacrifices in the Old Testament that needed to be done in order to atone for the sin of the people, and there was a lot of blood. There were a lot of dead animals. It was disgusting really.
Speaker 1:It was overwhelming. It had to be much more graphic than we picture it when we read the scripture Right Like there are scenes when David sacrificed a thousand bulls. Can you imagine what that?
Speaker 2:okay, anyway, sorry, and they were putting blood on the tip of the ear, the tip of a thumb, the tip of a toe. The way she was talking about it, it was very graphic and disturbing.
Speaker 2:So, anyway, I'm sitting in the church listening to her and right to her right I see a cross, and again there's no cross on the stage with her, but I see Jesus and he's bleeding and my first thought was, oh no, that's what he did. And then my next thought was oh no, that's what I did. And so it was. For the first time I saw my sin for what it was and for how black it was, and I saw the great sacrifice that Jesus made. Wow. And I just I left that day just undone. And again, it's kind of crazy because I knew that he died and rose again and that he saved me from my sins. I'd known that my whole life, but that day it took on new meaning and it literally turned me upside down. I went home and I told my husband I was like I'm not sure how to live now. He's like what are you talking about? I know he's probably like are you on your you know, is it that time of?
Speaker 1:the month. What's going on? That's what happens when God invades and changes your heart. Wow, that's amazing.
Speaker 2:I love that, so so, anyway. So I had been reading my Bible. I had just started reading my Bible, like the year prior to that, pretty regularly, so I was in it even more. I was praying, seeking the Lord, asking Him, and I was out for a walk one morning. I'm walking along praying like I normally do, and I stopped and I go wait a second. I said why are you doing this? Why are you revealing all of these things to me? Because literally every time I'd get in the are you revealing all of these things to me? Because literally every time I'd get in the Word, he would reveal new things to me and I really felt him speaking.
Speaker 2:What a sweet season.
Speaker 2:It was sweet, but it scared me that day and I said stop, don't do it anymore, because you're preparing me for something, aren't you Like? You're preparing me for something really bad and I don't want you to take my children. That was the first thing I thought, and in the next thought I was like okay, nevermind, I do want to hear all of these things, but I did have that little bit of fear that he was preparing me for something that was going to be really hard and I didn't want to go through hard.
Speaker 1:Right? Well, who can blame you? First of all and I feel like I'm listening to even some Bible stories that I've read. I'm like getting it in full color because I feel like that's all through the scripture, including the Lord, like giving a new depth of revelation to people, so they would know Him deeper. But yes, and I'm sure, on this end of things, you're grateful that he did prepare you, because it was actually His mercy and grace and love, because it was coming.
Speaker 2:It was coming. Yeah, yeah, it was. I was 30. So fast forward to 43. Yeah, 43. I have seven children now. My youngest is four, Our oldest is 17. Is 17.
Speaker 2:And that summer, I guess around June, july, I started getting the weirdest feeling of dread. It felt like something was on my shoulders and it's hard to explain, but it felt like something bad was really coming. That's the only way I could. I could explain it. But there wasn't any reason to feel that way. There wasn't anything going on in our lives, everything was normal. I couldn't explain it and I would talk to my husband about it and he'd say I don't know, I don't know why you feel that way. So tried to ignore it, tried to push it aside, but it kept getting stronger as the summer went on, so much so that I started withdrawing a little bit, like I wasn't going out with friends as much, I was praying more, yeah. So it was getting stronger and getting stronger.
Speaker 2:And then it was October 21st. My husband was home alone and he passed out. He called me. I was at Classical Conversations, it's a homeschool thing. He said please come home. Came home, took him to the hospital. When they first examined him they said it was two blocked arteries. They're going to have to do a double bypass. And that's why he was short of breath. Two weeks prior to that he started complaining of shortness of breath. It would come and it would go and of course, you know, I would say you probably need to go see a doctor. And he was 44. Yeah, he'd say, well, it's better now, it's probably just that I'm tired. So anyway, I remember when they first gave us the diagnosis and they said it's a two blocked arteries, we're going to do a double bypass, I said, well, why is he short of breath? And they said, well, that's a symptom. And I was like, okay, I didn't really believe it, but you know, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Nobody knows.
Speaker 2:I'm no doctor Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right, so he goes in the next day. They gave me a beeper. They said we're going to take him back. When we start the surgery we will beep you, and then we'll beep you again, we're done, and then you can come in and see him. Well, they took him back and let me give you this too we were nervous, but we were certain that everything was going to be okay. When the doctor came in the night before he, I asked him. I said how many of these surgeries have you done? He said well, I've been doing this for 20 years. I do like 30 of these a month. And he said it's pretty routine for me. I know it's not routine for you guys, but it's pretty routine for me. So we were like okay, this is going to be fine, we'll get in, we'll get out, everything will be normal. But I was still praying, I had my Bible with me, I spent the night with him that night. Uh, they took him in.
Speaker 2:The next morning I'm in the waiting room and it's about an hour and I haven't gotten beat that the surgery starts. The nurse comes out and says Ms Kaiser, we need to talk to you. I go back. They said um, when we put your husband under his heart stopped and I'm like what? This wasn't in the plan. And then they said and we were able to bring him back but we discovered he has multiple blood clots in his lungs. That was the shortness of breath. That was the shortness of breath. He'd been walking around with those for weeks. Wow.
Speaker 2:And, needless to say, I was shocked and I didn't know what to say. And I was. I was angry. I was angry at them, like why didn't you see this? Why didn't you know? You don't know what you're doing.
Speaker 2:And they after that, I couldn't really hear what they were saying. I was, my mind was just racing. So I got up from the table, I ran down the hall to the chapel. I had my Bible with me. I just wanted to find a hole. Fortunately there was no one in there, because they may have thought I was insane.
Speaker 2:So I ran in there. I fell flat on my face on the floor and I just started crying out to God and I said Lord, help us, what is going on? Tell me, what do we do? And I just stared up at the ceiling. I was waiting for him to tell me what to do and I didn't hear anything. So I said, okay, you can speak to me through your word. So I opened my Bible random page and I looked down and it was Jonah and I said, really, jonah, the guy with the fish, how is this going to help me? I looked down and it was almost highlighted like it was popping off the page. It said salvation is of the Lord and my heart rate slowed. I calmed down. I said okay, you're going to save him. That's the answer, thank you. Jesus Walked out. There's a bunch of stuff that happened, but basically what happened was they ended up doing a surgery on him. He survived that. We were all very hopeful, but then 10 days later he died.
Speaker 1:Um, we never said goodbye because he went under for a routine surgery.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Right, and we thought he would be fine. Right, we thought he would come out of it. Um wow, till that very last second where he just didn't.
Speaker 1:Wow yeah, so you're left a new widow a ton of shock. I know you'd walked with Jesus for a long time and you knew the Lord. You'd heard from him. There had to be a ton of confusion and shock in those first days.
Speaker 2:Shock is a good word. As a matter of fact, it was. This was November when this happened, the beginning of November, I think it was March of that next year. I was sitting in, I got in the van, turned it on and the light came on you know, like there's something wrong with your car light. And I looked at it and I just felt apart because for the first time I realized, oh my gosh, I'm a, I'm a single mom.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're going to have to figure that out and you would think well, you'd been a single mom since November, but it's weird.
Speaker 1:It's a progressive realization of all the things that you're going to have to do.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Yes, and a reminder that he's gone. So I know I'm sure grief hit you, as well as all the obligations of things you had to do.
Speaker 2:Well, and also it was just a denial, because I remember that first, when he, that first day he was gone, I said I'm not doing this. No, we're not doing this. I am not a single mom, I'm not literally. I said that and I thought that for weeks, I'm not literally. I said that and I thought that for weeks.
Speaker 1:That would be shock.
Speaker 2:It sounds silly now, but I really felt that way. So when I saw the light in the car that day, I was like okay, that was the first time. I kind of accepted it. Okay, this is okay, this is what we're doing, Wow.
Speaker 1:Okay, I know that we referenced that. We're going to talk about your journey with the Father through all of this, and after shock comes yeah, you just referenced it acceptance and realization. That I call it the is. It is what it is, but once you move into that, it is what it is. That's also a part of that is coming to accept that God didn't heal him, god didn't save him in the sense that you thought he was going to save him.
Speaker 1:How did you deal with that? What did your walk with the Lord look like? And one of the things I really appreciate about your book is that you're really transparent about the struggles that you had. And I think that that sets people free to know that you're not weird, this is normal, you can make it through it. So do you mind giving us a glimpse into some of that struggle and maybe how the Lord met you?
Speaker 2:Yes. So I told you, as I told you, I was a Christian before this happened. I, my walk with the Lord had deepened in the years before he passed and it was really, really hard to reconcile the fact that he didn't survive. We had so many people praying, you know, you read in the Bible about the power of prayer and how God answers prayer, and we see him answer prayer sometimes. We see people miraculously healed all the time.
Speaker 2:And so why didn't he heal Rob Right? You know that was really hard. But at the same time, here I am, a Christian, christian mom. We're homeschooling our kids. We're learning Bible verses together. We're reading the Word. Our kids, we're learning Bible verses together. We're reading the word and there's a certain sense of I have a. You know, people are looking at us and people are waiting to see how are you going to react? And you know I wanted, and for me as well. You know, with all these questions and this anger and this doubt, like am I truly a Christian? Do I truly believe what I've said all these years? I've believed. So that was hard because I'm trying to, but then I can't make these questions go away either. So that was a really, really, really tough struggle. So you want to know what I did? I just pushed it all down and ignored it. Oh yay.
Speaker 1:That seems so healthy Way to go Best way At the time.
Speaker 2:I think it was the best way for me, just because it was so painful.
Speaker 1:You got to survive. I was just in survival mode. I understand that, like there are. Sometimes it needs to, um, to borrow a phrase from the kids, you need to let it cook Like it needs to. It's not time to keep it front and center when everything else is so raw and broken and open.
Speaker 2:And when everything else is so immediate. I had all these kids to raise and they're kids, they're being kids and they're trying to cope with losing their dad. They're trying to cope. It was hard, so then you know what I did.
Speaker 1:And I, and I just want to say it is what moms do? We shove our stuff in the back to take care of our kids. Yeah, only lasts so long.
Speaker 2:Then what'd you do? So then I decided to open a business.
Speaker 1:Okay, you opened that on your own. I thought you and your husband had no.
Speaker 2:You opened that on your own, as a single mom, as a single mom. But I had two partners, with two partners, two of my very dear friends.
Speaker 1:I mean kind of better, Kim, but I thought you and your husband opened that business. You'd opened it on your. I just learned a little about Kim Kaiser just now, and that was Atlanta Bread in.
Speaker 2:Loganville. It was Great Harvest Bread Company.
Speaker 1:Yes, I just committed a sin right there against Great Harvest Bread Company.
Speaker 2:Because Atlanta Bread is another company, but it's Great Harvest and it's wonderful. I went there multiple times.
Speaker 1:Thank you Okay. So that's smart, so that's shove all your pain and brokenness down and in the back and raise seven kids alone and open a business Right. This is not a how-to guide.
Speaker 2:By the way, this is not a how-to guide, by the way. This is just what I did. It's just the story. Just the story Because and you know, I met a lady recently who's struggling with life disappointment, sorrow, all the stuff, and she was telling us how she's dealing with it. Because, think about it, whenever we go through things like this, we all look for ways to ignore the pain or numb the pain. And that can be alcohol, that can be drugs, that can be promiscuity, it can be shopping, it can be social media, it can be so many things, but some of those things are more socially acceptable than others.
Speaker 1:Well, and some are more damaging than others too. I mean you know I joke about hey, others Well, and some are more damaging than others too. I mean you know I joke about hey, that's pretty good coping mechanism, like use it while you need to and then. But if you go forever without dealing, you're not going to be able to stop that infection from growing. But there are times you need a good, healthy coping mechanism. Well, my was a business.
Speaker 1:Was working, working right, working hard and working all the time and yeah, we could argue about whether that's a good coping mechanism or not. It's not. I have that one. I use that one. Yeah, it's not Not a good one.
Speaker 2:Martha and I will talk later about that. Right, okay, so you're working so hard, still homeschooling the kids Still Tried to still homeschool a little bit, ended up putting them in private school, the ones that were left at home. So, yeah, so that's what I did for a while too, and none of those things worked.
Speaker 2:Surprisingly, All it did was delay, and it wasn't until and the verse that I had the hardest time with was Romans 8, 28, which says all things work for good to those that love the Lord, to those who are called according to his purpose. And I kept thinking how is this ever going to work for good? The only way this could work for good is if my children had their father, and he's not coming back. So how does that verse apply to this situation? And he's not coming back. So how does that verse apply to this situation? And that's why my book is called when is the Good God, Because that's where I ended up finding that good, so anyway. So how that kind of all of that broke I can't even tell you how many years it was. I want to say maybe six years after he passed.
Speaker 1:It was a long time.
Speaker 2:Well, you were a little busy, I was busy and it was hard, and that's one message I hope to get across here is that we all struggle with things. Of course you know that, but we can't beat ourselves up if it takes us a long time to get through some things.
Speaker 1:That's good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can't it just has to cook to get through some things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's good, yeah Right, you can't. Yeah, it just has to cook. Sometimes, things have to cook.
Speaker 2:And you know, jesus works with us in different ways and he's so patient. Oh my goodness. He's so long suffering. He's so loving. That's a good word. You know, even through all of those years of struggle and just trying to make life work, he was always right there.
Speaker 1:Wow, yeah, okay. So what happened after six years?
Speaker 2:So I was praying one day that was my normal habit, you know, to pray and talk to God and I just got tired. I was like, okay, I'm tired of carrying all this. And I just gave it all to him and I yelled at him. I, I said why? I? I cried, I said I can't do this, I don't understand what's you know. I just I just let it all out. And in that moment I think the reason it took me so long to do that was because I thought that he would be mad at me or ashamed, but in that moment I felt so much peace, so much love, literally felt like he was holding me. It was amazing.
Speaker 1:And you'd been waiting in misery.
Speaker 2:All those years to get there. Yeah, because I was trying to do it by myself.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I was trying to work it out by myself and figure it out, which is so stupid. Now that I look back on it, I get that, but in okay, so in the next moment. But in okay, so in the next moment. My next thought was you knew all of this already. I wasn't hiding anything from you. I may have been hiding it from myself or from other people, but you knew all of this. So that was, that was another just thank you, jesus. Moment where you still loved me and you still carried me, even though I've been making this harder than it needed to be.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're so good at that. I'm also good at that. I see you, wow. So it was just like. So you're telling me, this was just like one moment where you're sitting with the Lord and you just break it all open and say everything that you've been not saying for all this time. You say it to him.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You experience this amazing peace and love. And then how was life different, moving forward, coming out of that?
Speaker 2:Well, I guess surrender. I was just going to say that word. Okay, surrender. That's exactly what happened. We didn't even plan that, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:We're so in sync.
Speaker 1:Surrender. So good, so you just surrendered.
Speaker 2:I did, I surrendered and it felt so good. And during so, during those six years of struggle, I was journaling and I was staying in the word, I was praying, I was writing things down. That continued, of course, but I was still looking and trying to figure out where is the good, where is the good. And it was through the journaling and the praying that God slowly started to reveal to me what that good was. You want to know what it is?
Speaker 1:Yes, we're all waiting.
Speaker 2:We're waiting anxiously, okay. So Romans 8, 28 says waiting anxiously, okay. So Romans 8, 28 says, yeah, see, if I can remember, all things work together for good to those that love the Lord, to those who are the called according to his purpose. But then 29 says oh. What does 29 say? It says, um, oh, you want to look it up real quick.
Speaker 1:This is what happens.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I should have had this written down.
Speaker 1:This is what happens when you get a little older, you know a little younger. I know. It's in my brain too, but because I know that I'm not going to be able to recall it. And it's in the book too, of course. And it's in the book, amazoncom. Okay, here we go. Okay, thanks for being here with us, guys.
Speaker 2:This is literally like you're having a cup of coffee with us.
Speaker 1:Okay, For those he foreknew. He also predestined to be conformed to the image of his son.
Speaker 2:To be conformed to the image of his son. That's the good.
Speaker 1:That's the good. That doesn't sound like fun to me, but it's the good.
Speaker 1:It is the good, and we were talking right before this about some other things in life, and just talking right before this about some other things in life and just coming to this realization that things can be both hard and good, I think we separate it out in our brain that good means, you know, homemade ice cream and fresh peaches I've been enjoying those recently and comfortable, comfortable and wonderful and beautiful and amazing. We don't grasp often, in our culture at least, that the good things are actually often the hard things, because they conform us to the image of His Son, and that's our original design, that's what we were made to be Exactly. And when we are walking outside of that image, then we're actually walking in darkness, and so it's the process of bringing us from darkness to light. But I still am not going to say it's fun, kim, it's just not.
Speaker 2:Well, and also, I wouldn't say losing my husband was good, it was hard. None of that was good. Right, but that's how beautiful God is is that he takes those really hard, impossible, awful things and he brings good out of it. And I think sometimes we think and yes, he does bring good out of it in practical ways as well. Of course, we can always find those, but the good that I truly believe that that verse means is that he is forming us into his image and we're becoming more and more like Jesus, because one thing that I know for certain is that none of us are making it out of here alive.
Speaker 1:Wow, mic drop, why you got to say that on my podcast, kim, why you got to say right.
Speaker 2:So it's right, correct. We're all on a journey, right, we're all and we're all. If we're Christians, we're all walking in the same direction and that is to be with Jesus forever in heaven. And the way we live now makes such a difference. If we know that and if we're walking in that way, and the closer we get to heaven, the more we should be coming like Him. So, yes, and it's those really really hard places that are forming us into that and that are moving us closer and closer to that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but you know, it also occurs to me that you know you made a choice for six years to just repress it and push it down. But in that moment that the Lord showed you that, kim, you also made a choice. I'm going to choose to let Him take the heart and make it good, but I'm going to let go of my anger about it, I'm going to let go of my disappointment, I'm going to trust him, even when that means giving him my pain. And that was a choice that you make, and I'm sure a choice that you make on a regular basis, because as we walk that journey, it's a thousand micro choices right, absolutely that we make all along the way. So that shifted things for you. You started letting him make it into good Anything that you.
Speaker 1:What if you could just pull a thing or two out of your story without telling the whole thing? Because we, you know you do tell the whole thing in your book. What would you say to people that are stuck, whether it's fresh, pain, loss, disappointment, grief, sorrow, whether it's six years old, whether it's 26 years old? What would be something you would wish you could say to them if they're stuck?
Speaker 2:First of all, it's okay to admit that you're stuck. That doesn't mean you're not a Christian. That doesn't mean you're not a Christian. That doesn't mean you're a bad person. It doesn't mean that you're an imposter. You know we talk about imposter syndrome. What it does mean is that you need Jesus and you need to give it to Him. You need to talk to Him and he's not up there waving his finger or shaking his head. He loves you so much. You're the apple of his eye. The Bible says he sings over you when you come to him in your anger, your disappointment, your confusion. He's waiting. His arms are open. He's saying come, come, I've got you.
Speaker 1:I've got you Amazing. Yeah Well, Kim, thank you so much for sharing. I know we keep mentioning where your book is located. Do you have a social media handle website, anything else that we can share with them if they want to go learn more about you?
Speaker 2:Yes, Could I share a couple more things about the good that I've?
Speaker 1:discovered. Let me think about it. Do we want you to share about the good you've discovered out of all this terribleness?
Speaker 2:Yes, and yes and amen. Yes Because there were some more practical like good things that I discovered. Yes, that I don't think I could have learned any other way. But here, hold on. Oh, one of the things is just death in general. Okay, we can talk about death for a minute.
Speaker 1:I know that's not a subject that people like to hear. That's what we're all about in this conversation, though. Yeah, because again.
Speaker 2:That's. That's a definite for all of us. Yeah, Um, but I have to tell you that going through this with my husband and watching, watching him pass on, has given me so much more peace about when it's my turn to go.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 2:And when it's even like my children's times to go and people in my family, and I don't really understand why. I think it's because it makes me not, as I know that they're there waiting for me, and I heard somebody say once that at the older I get, the more people I love are waiting in heaven than are waiting here, with me.
Speaker 2:Wow, think about that. So that has been really cool to be able to sort of lean into that and know, okay, lord, you're going to. I know this is going to happen at some point, but I'm not afraid of that. Wow, yeah, wow. And I don't know if everyone has that experience. Yeah, but for me that is one thing that has come out that was sort of surprising to me.
Speaker 1:Well, and I think that we actually have a disconnection with death in our culture because we kind of separated out from us when I remember my grandmother, my great grandmother was the midwife and the one who went to sit with people as they passed and she would say you could see the spirit passing out of them. And she would. She said she would often not tell everybody that it was happening because she didn't want everybody to start screaming and hollering and yelling and disrupt the process, because it's a natural, you know. I thought it was interesting.
Speaker 1:She was there for birth and she was there for death, Like it's this natural cycle and if we're not supposed to walk in fear in anything that is powerful, kim, because that's one of the things we fear the most is death.
Speaker 2:Right. And in Ecclesiastes it says better is the day of one's birth in the day of one's death. And then there's another part that says by sorrow the heart is made better. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I feel like I'm going to start a list of verses I don't really like. Yeah, yeah, but are true, and I'm joking because I'm grateful, because sorrow could either crush us or we could partner with the Father to let it make us better, right? So, lord, you know I'm kidding about it. He knows I'm kidding. He made me like this.
Speaker 2:He knows, he knows I'm kidding. Well, and also the hold on. I just lost my train of thought.
Speaker 1:That also happens on the podcast. Hey, this is about being real. That's right. You have seven children. Everybody's going to let you lose your train of thought every once in a while, right?
Speaker 2:I don't call any of them by the correct name. Because of that. They get on me all the time Like Mom, wrong kid, wrong kid, it's okay, it's okay. But one thing I do want to say. I know the title of your podcast is Sips from the Fountain, and this is really cool.
Speaker 2:I was reading in Jeremiah just the other day and it was talking about how, of course, the Israelites are sinning, they're walking away from God, and there was a verse in there about how they were walking through a desert and they're desperately thirsty and the living water is literally right behind them, but they keep walking away from it and building cisterns that break right, I talk about that, yes, yes, and they're building empty cisterns and I so, basically, from that, I feel like going through this experience has allowed me to see the eternal more clearly now than I did before, and so that's why death doesn't scare me as much as it did, because I know that living water is there, and I've experienced it, and it has brought me out of the desert when I was desperately thirsty.
Speaker 1:Wow. Yeah so good, that was worth waiting on, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I didn't, and that's another thing. Like I say in the book, if I could go back and change things, would I change it to where we didn't have to lose Rob? And you know what I don't? I don't know that I would. I didn't ask for this, but the changes it's made in me and the things that it's taught me and the relationship that it has given me with the Lord, I don't know that it could happen any other way.
Speaker 1:That's a thing that, yeah, it's not popular to say and I've actually said it to some people. Recently had someone asked me like where do you get, how do you get to that place with the Lord? And I was like you don't want to hear the answer. It's suffering, it's a loss, and I don't know that there's a road to that depth of walk with the Lord other than that. And again, I totally get it. I don't know that I would choose the same things, but, man, I wouldn't change what the Lord has done through it for the world. I'm a different human being and I would never want to go back and walk the way I walked before the valley.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I just finished reading a book. I'm going to give a plug here for this book. It's called the Insanity of God.
Speaker 1:Have you heard of it? I have read it, yes, very recently actually.
Speaker 2:I just read it recently too. Yep, and one of the things that blew my mind in that book. Just a quick, he is a missionary. He goes to Somalia, china, these places where people go to jail, you know, if they get caught spreading the gospel. And he was, I think, in China at this time and he was talking to a bunch of Chinese missionaries and you know, and just getting information from them, trying to learn from them.
Speaker 2:And most of the men in that room had been to prison already because the basic sentence when you were caught was three years in prison. And these aren't like our prisons, these are just horrible. You would never want to be there, but they all looked forward to going. Just horrible, you would never want to be there, but they all looked forward to going. And he said this particular day there were three men in there that had not been yet and they were quick to tell him oh yeah, we haven't been to prison yet, but we will be going. They were looking forward to going and he was befuddled. He thought what are you talking about? And the reason that they look forward to going? Because that's it. They said that's where they met Jesus, that's where they learned about Jesus and that's where they they, you know became more proficient in being able to spread the word. And so then they asked him.
Speaker 1:He met them there.
Speaker 2:And so then they asked him. They said well, in America, where do you meet with Jesus? Where do you learn about Jesus? He said, seminary Right.
Speaker 1:Not the same.
Speaker 2:Not the same, not the same Right.
Speaker 1:So it is, and that book is the Insanity of God. I'm going to plug that one as well.
Speaker 1:We didn't talk about it before, but I'm so glad it came up. It's by Nick Ripken, which is not his actual name, because he does serve in the world of the unreached, and I will say this about the book too. He does also say out loud the things that we rarely say when we talk about struggling with the brokenness of the world, and that's another reason I loved that book. So great plug, you got more nuggets for us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, one more. And then I'm going to go ahead and plug my book.
Speaker 1:Now, that's okay, let's hear about it.
Speaker 2:So one of the ways that I discovered the good was reading through scripture and reading about other people that walk through devastating situations and losses, and the Bible is full of them. There's David, there's Joseph, jacob we could go on and on. And what's interesting about those? I'll take Joseph as an example.
Speaker 2:He was sold into slavery at the age of 17, is what most people think by his brothers his very own brothers and he lived for 13 years in being oppressed, going to prison, all these things, and you know that's a really long time. But then if you read the story I think it only takes three or four chapters. You get to the end where he's made second to the Pharaoh in Egypt and he's, you know, one of the most respected men, and he ends up saving his family from a famine. And he does all these wonderful things. But we don't think about what it was like when he was 20 and he was going through this. He couldn't see the end. He knew God had given him dreams before he was sold. So I think on some level he knew God had a plan for him, but it didn't seem like it was happening.
Speaker 1:It had to seem like the opposite was happening and God wasn't real. He had to struggle with all kinds of doubts and questions and Absolutely yes.
Speaker 2:And there's so many, ruth Naomi, there's so many. And as I was reading through the word and experiencing what these were, I kind of stepped back for a minute and I thought wait a second, they were in this place for a while.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wow, yeah. Four chapters was how many years.
Speaker 2:Right A long time, a lifetime, and even even specific instances like Stephen, when Stephen was stoned, you know. Think about the people that were standing around watching that his mom, his dad, his friends, people that loved him and they're sitting there thinking this is a good man, he's doing good things for the Lord.
Speaker 1:What is going on.
Speaker 2:Yes, you know, and you know that they felt that way when Daniel and his friends were stolen from their home as children and taken to a pagan country and being under a pagan king. Imagine what their parents were going through, and their parents may have never survived to see what Daniel ended up doing. So you know, when you think about those places as those people were at, that's where we are today, yeah, but we can't turn the page.
Speaker 1:So it's more normal than not to be living on a broken planet and have hard things happening and I think that expectation.
Speaker 1:Well, you can do one of two things you can either let it crush you or you can go. Oh wait, I'm not going to let this determine the kind of person I am, whether or not I walk with God, whether or not I fulfill my destiny. This is just the brokenness of the planet, and God can show me where the good is in all of it, and that's how I'm going to choose to live Absolutely. I think that's the inspiration that you bring to the conversation today Absolutely, and so much transparency. You cut your heart open and showed it to us today, yeah, and in your book you do it even more.
Speaker 2:Well, I do chronicle, I do tell my story in the book, but it's more of chronicling the stories of some of these people and what they went through and how God brought them through and how he never left. So and there's prayers in the book.
Speaker 1:It's so good, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:But anyway, you can find it on Amazon. Uh, if you just put Kim Kaiser, k I S E R in the search bar or you can put where's the good God?
Speaker 1:Um, yeah, you can get it on there and I'll make sure to put the link and the information in the show notes too.
Speaker 2:Thank you so.
Speaker 1:Kim, thank you for coming. It's been amazing. Yes, and I hope that I feel like this was way more than a sip today that you got from the fountain, hope that it blessed you guys. We're praying for you that the Lord draws you into his heart, no matter what life has brought you, and that you find that place of being conformed to his image, so that you can fulfill the destiny that he has for you, which is great. In Jesus name, amen, amen, thanks you guys. We'll talk to you soon.