Sips from the Fountain
Learning to drink from Jesus, the Fountain of Living Water, isn’t as hard as I thought, especially when you just start with sips, and those will change everything.
Sips from the Fountain
When Deepest Grief Forges Profound Trust: Loss of a Child
Grief rewires a life. Hope rewrites a story. We sit down with Hannah to trace both realities—starting with the ultrasound that shifted their world and moving through months of waiting, praying, and holding two truths at once: God can do a miracle, and we may still need to say goodbye. Noah’s 57 and a half hours become a lens for what goodness looks like when outcomes are devastating yet gifts are undeniable—arms full, family gathered, and time granted just before the world closed for a pandemic.
We open up about the phrases that helped (“This is so hard, and I’m sorry”) and the ones that didn’t, the difference between digital connection and real presence, and why fixing isn’t the same as loving. Hannah shares the family motto—“Even though, we will”—and how it pushes back against an entitlement mindset that confuses faith with the promise of comfort. Her image from the Smoky Mountains lingers: fog settles in valleys, but from higher ground you see how that fog gives depth and makes the view possible. Suffering becomes terrain, not identity.
The story doesn’t end there. Years later, their eldest son, Walker, is diagnosed with genetic epilepsy. Hannah admits what many of us feel: “I’ve suffered enough.” Instead of shutting down, she brings that honesty to God and finds a deeper, steadier trust—one shaped by the cross, the long view of Ephesians 2:10, and the daily choice to keep walking. If you’re carrying loss, living with uncertainty, or wrestling with God’s goodness, this conversation offers practical comfort, sturdy faith, and a way forward that doesn’t require perfect answers—just presence and a next step.
If this episode meets you in the valley, share it with someone who needs company on the trail. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: what’s your “even though, I will”?
Do you ever feel like life can get too complicated and maybe even overwhelming? Yeah, me too. And it's okay. My name's Marta Ganemo, and in this podcast, we're going to talk about life, love, faith, family, relationships, all kinds of things. And we're gonna drink from what God wants to pour into us one small sip at a time. Because when it's the fountain of living water, small sips make all the difference. Sometimes it'll be just you and me. Sometimes we'll have a friend join us. If we could have lunch together today, this is what I'd want to talk about. Hey, hey, hey, everybody, and welcome back to the podcast. So excited to have you with us today in the upper room studio. That's pretty cool, Hannah. I named it. I love it. This is Hannah Eford. Did I say your name correctly? You sure did. I'm so proud. And Hannah, we actually just met two weeks ago, three weeks ago. Yeah. Is that right? I know that a mutual friend of ours, Elise Adams, had been on the podcast for our series Life Wasn't Supposed to Be Like This. And the fun part of that podcast, if you guys haven't listened to that, is Elise is one of the reasons I did started this podcast and did this series because life had not turned out for her the way she wanted, and she decided decided to walk away from God. And it was a season where she didn't want us saying anything to her friends of hers. And so I thought, well, I'm just gonna I really she is one of the reasons. And so to have her on the podcast, having walked back to the Lord, wonderful. So good. I was low-key crying in the background through the whole thing. You can tell if you listen closely. But at the end of that time, she said, Martha, you have to talk to my friend Hannah. Um, she and her husband Matthew are amazing, number one, and number two, they've been through some really incredibly difficult things in their lives. And they have, they have, as my mama says, made the trip. And um you guys, you it's pretty early in your life, pretty young for you to have made the trip through some of the hard things that you've been through. So we met for dinner. I heard your story, and right away was like, yeah, people need to hear this story because you know, the reason we're doing this series is that all of us are gonna have hard things come into our lives. Yeah. And you know, little 14-year-old me didn't think that. Oh no, nobody none of the books or the movies really have hard things, or if they did, you like watch the movie and go, Whew, not me. So glad that didn't happen to me, but good for that person. Right. They made it through. But it wasn't ever gonna happen to me. No. Hard things, yeah. A plus B equals C, and it'll be fine. Period. So when the hard things hit, I was in shock. And I think that, you know, these days we're more isolated than ever. Right. Even though we feel more connected, isolation is actually a huge issue in our society because digital connection isn't actually anywhere near the same as human connection, and we also are seeing a highlight reel. So when the realities of life hit, sometimes I feel like we think we're alone. It's only us, we're not gonna make it. We're outside the range of normal life, and God can't handle this. All kinds of things we start believing. And so, your story today, whether those of us who are listening to it have had your particular situation or not, is really irrelevant. Like as I listen to your story, I was so blessed by your walk with God and where you've landed and how you've the honesty that you've used to process it. And that's really what we want to talk about today, because um, it really doesn't it really doesn't do me a whole lot of good to see the before and the after picture without any of the story in between. Right. I don't know how you got there.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And so we just want to talk about your story today. So why don't you just get us started? Maybe tell us a little about yourself and your family, and then sure let's start with your story.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. So you did say my name, right? Hannah, Efer. We get all the things under the sun. Efred, Elford. I mean, really.
SPEAKER_00:I'm a little disappointed in my I was a high school teacher, though.
SPEAKER_03:So you ought to practice bowel, consonant, vowel. The phonics kicked in. Efer. So we uh my husband and I were high school sweethearts. Okay. Um, so we have been married a little over 11 years now. Uh, we have four boys that I have birthed. Um, three are here on earth with us, um, seven, four, and two. And then we um have another son, Noah, who was born in 2020 and is now in heaven with the Lord. Okay. Um, so that's the story that we're here to talk about today is his life and legacy and how he impacted our family and families around us and friends. So let's see. Walker was born in 2018, normal pregnancy, normal birth. And then about two two years later, no, I'm sorry, two years later, we had Noah. A year later, we uh got pregnant again and just assumed normal pregnancy, being normal birth. We're gonna have another little boy. So we went to the doctor, um, took Walker with us. He was a year and a half at the time. So if you can imagine taking him into an OB appointment, yeah, I've done that before. Yeah, quite adventurous. So we had our ultrasound, saw cute Noah on the um sonogram. To us, everything looked normal. He's kicking around, heartbeat sounds good. I feel like that's always right when you get nervous. Yes. Is the heartbeat gonna be strong? They tell you that, and your blood pressure kind of simmers. You feel fine. Okay, they're gonna come in, they're gonna tell me, don't eat deli meat, you know, try to get some exercise, the normal things. Instead, a new uh midwife for the practice that we were at walked in and said, you know, hi, my name is, and we noticed some abnormalities on your ultrasound. And immediately Matthew and I, you know, perk up. And also remember, we have our one and a half year old in the room with us. At that exact moment, he fell off a little step stool in there and is busted mouth, blood everywhere. Of course. So again, we have, I don't know if I said earlier, we have all boys. So now in this stage of life, scrapes, bloody mouths, totally fine. Then still relatively new moms, year and a half, bloody mouth, little cause for concern. And this doctor has been told, right, wow, has also just shared, you know, scary word abnormality on the ultrasound. Especially, you know, when my husband and I had just sat in there and thought, oh, everything looks great. We're gonna find out the gender and we're gonna keep pushing forward. Nine months from now, we're gonna have another little kid, and you know, everything will continue to skirt on. So we then proceeded to wait for a week, which seemed seemed like forever, to find out this blood work. So the abnormality in the ultrasound was a trisomy abnormality. So a lot of people are really familiar with trisomy 21. It's Down syndrome. Okay. Um, so our brains kind of went to that of okay, we've I've taught kids with Down syndrome, we've seen people with Down syndrome. You definitely can live with it. It will change what our kind of thought of life would look like, but something we can definitely work through as a family. We'll get all the literature, you know, we're thinking through that. But she also shared there's trisomy 13 and trisomy 18. And both of those are not as compatible with life. And specifically, trisomy 13 is not compatible with life at all, which means once they are born, if they make it to gestation, their cellular structure is so broken they cannot survive. So the best way they described it to me was um a blueprint for your house, because my thought as his mom was can we not just fix everything? Um his DNA is like a blueprint for a house. So every time that his cells rebuild and regenerate, it will still be broken.
SPEAKER_02:Wow.
SPEAKER_03:So if we do all the heart surgery, all the liver surgery, all the brain surgery, as it's repairing, like our scrapes on our arms, it will be broken again.
SPEAKER_02:Wow.
SPEAKER_03:Which is obviously like just not sustainable.
SPEAKER_00:Right. Um not compatible with life. Right. That's is that the um the laboratory word, the phrase for the the official phrase, yes, the diagnostic.
SPEAKER_03:I apparently so, because that is the phrase they continue to say doctors, specialist, all the things. That was the phrase that kept saying this.
SPEAKER_00:Which means he's not going to live.
SPEAKER_03:Correct. And that got explained where so once we found out trisomy 13 was the diagnosis. The blood work came back, we found out he was a little boy. Um, and also in that same breath, found out he does have a third chromosome in um the 13th chromosome. So hence the trisomy. You're supposed to only have two. He had an anomaly and had three. Okay. So that was the phrase they kept sharing. It is not compatible with life. And what that looks like is typically kids with trisomy 13 don't even make it to gest station. So they don't even survive pregnancy in the womb. Their bodies are so broken, they just can't survive and thrive.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Um, so we process that every single appointment. Thankfully, this kid was like karate kid, and he moved all over all the time, which wowing back was such a gift, just even during pregnancy that he was so mobile. All of us love, you know, those baby kicks where we double over because their heel feels like it's coming out of our abdomen. Even more precious when you're concerned, is he still here? Is he still moving? Is he still growing? Thankfully, he made that pretty, pretty clear. So you spent your whole pregnancy wondering if any moment your baby could die. And hoping, hoping that maybe something would change. The Lord would miraculously heal him. Yes. Even though that's obviously not what the doctors had ever seen or had ever talked about. But we serve a yes, we do. Yes, mighty God who can do mighty things. Yes, he can. And also wavering that though, of we hope in what he can do, yeah, but also accepting the reality of what we're hearing and seeing. Yeah. Wow. How how in how in the world do you do that? Well, I don't know if I did it well, but we would just, I mean, we prayed a lot together. My husband, Matthew, and I um we asked each other a lot, not are you okay? Because neither of us obviously were okay in this journey, but have I done something to upset you? Have I done something to contribute to this?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So we would ask the hard questions to each other of, is it bad that I'm hoping and trusting that the Lord can do a miracle? Yeah, but also recognizing he's not getting better. And I also need to prepare my heart for my child is gonna die. Wow. And I'm either going to feel it happen inside of me.
SPEAKER_01:Wow, Hannah.
SPEAKER_03:He may not make it through birth, or I'm going to be holding him when he goes into the arms of our father.
unknown:Wow.
SPEAKER_03:So we settled on no, it doesn't make us uh along with David, he was praying for his son, right? Right to be healed wearing sackcloth, sackcloth and um worshiping and praying and pleading. And then he chose to worship when his son passed away. And so Matthew kind of took that posture of we can ask hard hard questions. Our Lord is big and can handle it.
SPEAKER_02:Yes.
SPEAKER_03:And so we're gonna say I hear what the doctors are saying, I'm accepting what is happening, but also hoping and trusting and believing that you can do abundantly more than we could ever think to ask. And also resting in sometimes you don't know what to ask. You are so overwhelmed with grief and shock and sadness and weeping that you just like you would a trusted friend or a parent, I'm hurting, and you see me, and you're just here. So, yes, the entire pregnancy was that hoping and wondering and not quite sure. And we had lots of friends. Um, in particular, that at our at that time, our pastor and his wife really walked closely with us and gave us lots of insight. Like Ali shared on her podcast, people are gonna say not appropriate things. Yeah, in their best effort, right, with the purest heart, want to make you feel better, right? Want you to know that they're with you in it, they're standing beside you, but it may be hurtful, right? And you just gotta pour out the grace and remind yourself they didn't know better. Yes, and that was incredibly helpful because truly Matthew and I just looked at it with that veil, right? Of that's so good. Okay. And we did have some friends, Elise, um, share this insight. Also, it stands out and probably will be a core memory my entire life. We had one dear friend, Matthew was sharing a hard update, and he just bear hugged Matthew and said, This is so hard, and I'm sorry. Oh, and it just Matthew felt so seen, especially as a male, right? Like he's being strong for our family and spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, all the things. And for another man who loves the Lord and loves him and loves our family to just wrap him up and say, This is hard. And I see you and you're hurting, and there's nothing I can say. There are no words.
SPEAKER_00:Right. And I think that um sometimes we our misdirection comes in the form of thinking we need to fix things. I mean, you referenced being a mom wanting, just fix him, just whatever the defects are, fix the defects. Right. And it was like no matter the cost, continue to be broken. So I think in life we have that, like we just want to fix it. And that's where sometimes the hurtful things come in, even though we have the best of intentions, but just you know, back echoing what we talked about with Elise, like, I'm sorry, this is hard. I love you. Not trying to explain on God's behalf why this is happening or predict on God's behalf what's going to happen. You know, last time I've said this a time or two probably, but last time I've checked, God is nowhere in my name. It's not my first, middle, or last name. No. And so I don't want to say the things that I wish God would say. Right. You know, and it's one thing to say I'm praying for, right? Alongside, alongside with, but to yeah, that's good. Any other advice on that before we move forward in your story?
SPEAKER_03:Just I I really think just being present. And I feel like Elise touched on that. And I just as I was thinking over my own journey, being present and even asking, I just recently was talking to a friend about this, asking a friend who's maybe already gone through it. So someone like you're doing right now, asking someone who's gone through a heavy grief, a parent, a child, a sibling, um, a dear friend at school, yeah, co-worker, whatever it is, if you have a relationship with someone who's already gone through that, asking them, hey, what's helpful? Yeah, that's true. Um, we really appreciated because we had at the time, once Noah was born, um, a two-year-old, um, people would drop by coloring books. Because also there was that crazy thing. I don't know if you remember it, COVID. It happened in 2020. Yeah. That little thing, you know, didn't really affect much of us. It was over in the blink of an eye. We we like letting that thing fade into the past. Into oblivion, forgetting, oh well, yeah, all those crazy things happen. So, but in all uh seriousness, people dropping off coloring books, play-doh, meals and not making it, I made you this wonderful homemade meal, but sending a Grubhub gift card or whatever it is, dropping off muffins on your porch and just leaving. Yeah. And, you know, and that it's okay to just leave.
SPEAKER_00:And I think too it's okay to just be quiet with that presence piece. And often the sacrifice that we are making as the person who's trying to comfort, we're sacrificing our own comfort. Like it feels super uncomfy to just be present and hug you, say I'm praying and be quiet. But yes, that's the sacrifice we can make to bless the one who's suffering. Right.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. So those are definitely some helpful things. So throughout the present pregnancy, wondering, you know, is Noah gonna, you know, keep living? Are these things gonna kind of become insurmountable for his body? Is he not gonna be able to handle it? So we keep going through it's now September, October, November, his due day is supposed to be March. Get through Christmas. Um, you know, we're just keep time keeps progressing and he keeps growing. Yeah, and he's you can definitely tell my belly was smaller, he was smaller, but for all intents and purposes, we're going through this pregnancy. Yeah, he's moving and and great. And then all of my other sons have gotten real cozy in the womb. They are in no hurry to come out here. Um, they stay in there nice and snug until you know the right last moment. We're like, okay, the evacuation notice has been issued. It's time to come out. Noah came early. Okay. So I remember pacing, and it was our first home that we owned, pacing around the kitchen table and thinking, I know this feeling. I had this feeling with Walker, and I'm not ready. It was a week and a half early. And I was not ready for all intents and purposes. I wasn't ready for the pain physically. I wasn't ready for him to come, not because I didn't want to meet him, but he was safe, so to speak, inside of me. He was thriving in there. Yeah. Like I had made it. I had made it the nine months that normally doesn't happen. And he was growing. So why are we gonna change it? I don't want him to come out. Because when he came out when he was born, that's then I didn't, I had no control, not compatible with life. Or if he was gonna survive, if I was gonna hear him cry, see him breathe, all the things. So he came very quickly, um, which again kind of the thread. So I was sharing with you earlier um a song kind of anthem for us during this time was goodness of God. Um there's some really great lines in there. All my life you've been faithful. All my life you've been so, so good. So with every breath that I'm able, I will sing of the goodness of God. So his goodness showed up in the expeditedness of which Noah came into this earth because I don't think he would have withstood the pressure of birth, you know, if he would have stayed in there a long time, right? I think it would have been too much on his already fragile brain. So he came quick and in a hurry and was loud and breathing. And you know, Matthew held him, I held him, and then that little boy lived for 57 and a half hours. Wow, which was way longer than we ever thought, way longer than the doctors thought, and uh such a gift, and again, such the goodness of the Lord to give us time, to give us nine months inside of me being a part of our family, and 57 and a half hours to meet his grandparents, to meet his older brother, to meet his uncle, to meet his mom and dad, and some amazing labor and delivery staff at Athens Regional. And when I say amazing, we are still friends with one of them. Amazing people who loved us very well. Got to meet dear friends of ours, our pastor and his wife at that time. Um, so another glimpse of the goodness of the Lord that, you know, week and a half early that I wasn't ready for. So that thing called COVID the very next week after he was born, the world shut down. Wow. And his grandparents and all the people I just mentioned would never have gotten to meet him. I guess technically we could have just said, hey, we're gonna go outside in our car. This is not gonna be the way that we share and experience this. I we probably would have had that choice. But for him to design that, that we that would not be an extra obstacle for us, that we would get to have that normalcy of being in the hospital room like we would did with Walker, right? Like that was normal. We went in, we had a baby, your friends and family come in. So he lived for 57 and a half hours, and then he went to be with the Lord.
SPEAKER_00:Um now, Hannah, I told you I was gonna ask you this. Okay to tell the story that you just told us. And to say that the theme song that you and your husband chose was the goodness of God. I need to hear a little bit more of the story between the before picture and the after picture. Like so many of us humans, Christians, I know that there are people listening right now. There have to be some, y'all. If you're the only if I'm the only one, then whatever. But I'm sitting here thinking, how did you not go into anger and bitterness and resentment? Did you? Was it a struggle? How how did you will you tell us the middle part of that story?
SPEAKER_03:So I felt like in my mind, there wasn't another option. Not because I felt like the Lord was controlling of you have no option but to follow me. But when I say that, I mean the two options in my mind and in my heart were he's I'm gonna allow him to be with me in this, or I have to do this without him. And that seemed more crushing than the diagnosis itself. I cannot imagine doing this without him.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So whatever that looks like, me asking you, pleading with you. I mean, his son did that before he bore the cross. Lord, Father, if this cup can pass from me, please let it. Please let this not be what has to be done, but your will, not mine. And so again, that same mentor shared that analogy with me. And that gave me a lot of alleviation of I don't have to look like picture perfect Christian here. I can be upset and sad and wonder and question, and he can handle it. And if I invite him along, I mean, I think about now with my own boys. When they struggle, notice I say when, yeah, when things come up in their life, I hope that they come to Matthew and I and say, I don't understand. Yeah, wow. And to just say, we're here, we're here in it. Whatever you say is not making us run away. We love you, and obviously we're gonna do that imperfectly. We have done, we will do all that imperfectly. But our father in heaven is perfect.
SPEAKER_01:Wow.
SPEAKER_03:And so I felt I just clung to that. I didn't allow anything else because I already had limited energy points, you know. Like if you think about it in a number scheme, you have a hundred points in a day. Noah's diagnosis was taking up 95% of that. And then I had that, you know, one and a half-year-old toddler trying to manage that. So I didn't have a lot of mental capacity to think through, well, what does it look like if I do this or if I try this? Or I mean, you know, people try, I mean, people all through scripture did. Well, what if I, Egyptians, for example, you know, what if I pray to the sun god or, you know, all these things. Nope. I'm gonna go with the one true who's been consistent, who I can read this Bible that is historically accurate and has impacted people's lives. And he's proven all my life that he's been faithful. So in this moment, when it doesn't feel good, I'm gonna trust in his character that he is good and he'll see me through it. And some way the goodness will shine through, not of Noah not being here. Because also, I think about that. He doesn't want that, right? Like that's that's not good to him. He doesn't want to see me suffer or his son, his child that he created suffer, but we live in a broken world. And you were talking about that earlier. Like we forget that in scripture it says there will be suffering, right? Fear not. I've overcome the world. Like there's always a caveat, right? Like remember. So, yes, you're gonna face horrible things. Paul, again and again and again, and but the Lord's with me.
SPEAKER_00:That's it's such a different approach. We mentioned this too as we were talking before we started the episode today. I think that um I read a book, I need to go find this book about modern American Christianity, and that modern American Christians are one of the very few uh Christian cultures in the history of time and the earth that have decided that they are owed a good life by God for following him. Um, the rest of the world, it's like what you're saying, assumes, nope, this is a broken world. It's going to be hard. It's not God's fault. It's not um, we're not gonna snap our fingers and say, hey, God, change this, fix this. God's role is to walk with us through the brokenness of the world. But that's really different than I think, I think it's been even shaped somewhat. We're we're not gonna talk about politics today.
SPEAKER_03:No, that's not.
SPEAKER_00:But it's been shaped by this connection of Christianity and the American dream. Yeah. That we're entitled, right? Literally, we say, we Chris, we Americans say we are entitled. We have a right. Yeah. I may lose some followers on this podcast to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness when the scripture says we have we laid down our rights. Now, not that we don't fight for justice and that we do the right thing and um, you know, not allow abusers to just continuing. I'm not saying any of that. Hear what I'm saying, not what I'm not saying. What I am saying is um sometimes I think our our bitterness and our anger is rooted in an incorrect perception of what we're owed by God and what his role in this life is. And your your come from in this situation is turning that on its head. Like, wow.
SPEAKER_03:I will say, I just for anyone that's listening that thinks maybe I'm super at this, it wasn't just a I'm not perfect. Like this is not a Hannah show. It's that the Lord is good and he his Holy Spirit indwelling in me allowed this fruit to happen. So it's definitely not me in my own strength. It was totally him. When I say that I had no energy to do anything, I mean he was the sustainer.
SPEAKER_00:Are you gonna quote that footprints poem? Oh no. No, no, you know the one, but yeah, I do.
SPEAKER_03:That was always on the bookmarks. You carried me through. You carried, he literally carried you. Yes, oh, a hundred percent. Um, so I will say to you, like a little later um in our story, um, we've had other sons since Noah. Um, we've had two others, um, our four-year-old and our two-year-old. Our seven-year-old, though, um got a chronic diagnosis um right before we had our two year old. And I did feel owed.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, let's hear, let's continue on with the story. Okay, so Noah, he's lived 57 hours.
SPEAKER_03:Yes. I don't want to negate his life. Like, this is definitely a huge story of ours. I definitely feel like though it has catapulted our family into water. Walking deep in our faith. And it's our current for our family. So our family motto is even though we will, even though blank fill in whatever, whatever it is, death, addiction, um whatever, whatever it is, broken AC, you know. Right. Um, we will, we will pursue the Lord, we will trust him, we will proclaim his goodness, we will seek to glorify him in all that we do. So And that was forged in difficulty. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00:You know, I've heard someone say recently that like expectations, like the unhealthy type, like I expect you to do this, or I expect this to happen for me, or that expectations are premeditated resentments. So that motto is the opposite of it. Yeah. Like you've decided we're not gonna take offense against God. Right. We're gonna trust who he says he is, right? Not who the circumstance says that he is, or and or or that not trust what our understanding of this circumstance is. Hey, remember what you said about fog that you wrote? Oh you will you share that? Um and when did you write it again? So I so 2020. Am I skipping ahead in the world? You're not no, no, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_03:It's all cyclical, it all goes together. Okay, so in 2020, after Noah would have been uh born, we spent some time um in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. We love it there. Um took Walker up there, he's our oldest. Um, and there's this fog that was settling over the Great Smoky Mountains, hence the name. And I back to the limited energy points. So Matthew is a phenomenal writer, he communicates his thoughts and feelings and processing so beautifully. People fall have followed along with our story from the very beginning, and he just has such an easy way of communicating that through text and even speaking and various things. And I think it's definitely helped him in his grief to just keep talking about it, keep working through it, keep verbal processing. Yes, his heart and his mind and his soul just keep talking to the Lord, keep talking to other people, which is I love that this podcast is about that. Yeah, I, on the other hand, don't think I really let myself do that a lot. Um, mom of three young boys, we homeschool, which I love. I just I don't create the margin to do that, and also I don't ever want to feel like I have to have something profound. Yeah, but the Lord definitely brought this to my mind and to my heart, and I do love it. Um, so I saw this fog in the Great Smoky Mountains, and I wrote, Fog typically settles in the valleys. When you are in the valleys, the fog limits your visibility and seems stifling. Once you're in a higher vantage point, you have broader perspective and the fog lifts. You can fully embrace the beauty and the value of the valleys. So we love to hike in our family. Um, and you know, there'd be no view if you got to the top and there's no depth from where you just came. Oof. The beauty of the valley.
SPEAKER_00:Oof. I'm gonna need you to send me that.
SPEAKER_03:I'll be happy. Thank you. Wow. And actually, Matthew and I have tattoos for Noah. They're not matching.
SPEAKER_00:Um, but his has for clarifying that they're not matching. They're not matching. I mean, I'd you definitely would have had to got this, gotten those in Gatlinburg if they were matching.
SPEAKER_03:Um, actually, a friend of ours designed them for us. They she designed, yeah, amazing artists. Um, she designed them differently, but Matthew's is just too large. My forearm is not that big. Ultimately, I would love it, but I think it would have to be like across the top of my back. And I just don't think I'd be strong enough to do that. Um, but his has a valley in it. Um, and in the river it says Puima, um, which I believe is Greek for um this is terrible. I should have done this. I'll have to have him like comment, listen to it. I'm pretty sure it's for um masterpiece, which is what is on Noah's um gravestone. Um really should have you know highlight notes, gotten that beforehand. Um I I'm pretty positive that's what it is, is Greek, um, because it's in the New Testament for um masterpiece. Um so again, just back to I didn't do this perfectly. I just chose no matter what comes, you are the better option here. Um, and I don't want to do this alone. Yeah, um, I don't I don't love a lot of people y places, but I also don't like to be alone. And so I wanted him with me in this journey. But we talked about, you know, people sometimes feeling entitled or owed or you've put in your dues. Um, I definitely felt that after Noah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So we get to this point where this is this is where, yeah. Yeah. You've made it through Noah. Yes. I mean you've paid some dues and COVID.
SPEAKER_03:So then you're grieving alone with your grief. Right. Wow. Right. And you know, everybody I feel like probably wants some alone time for a little bit after. We they said two weeks, Hannah. Right. But then for people to tell you you can't do an Easter egg hunt with your family. Right. Or birthdays, or, you know, just go to the pool and get some sunshine and vitamin D with your grandparents, and also for their hearts, let your parents see their living grandchild. Yes. Wow. Right? Like all of our memory was in a hospital room a week before COVID. And then then it shut down in death. I mean, we had a lot of beautiful moments, but ultimately he died, which was awful and horrific. And yeah, it's very bleak, obviously, when that happened. Uh aside from the fact of the reassurance of he was no longer hurting, no longer wondering is he in pain? Is he gonna be healed? He was. And um quick thing, because this is a really powerful part of the story, Matthew was the one holding him when he passed, and he wrote this really beautiful line that I felt like I will choose to remember of Noah's last moments of life is he went from his earthly father's arms straight into his heavenly father's arms. And it's true. Wow. And although I obviously want him here causing a ruckus with the rest of his brothers, he's in a perfect place and a perfect body. Yeah, and the Lord is good.
SPEAKER_00:Well, you know, Hannah, when you when I first talk to you and you say we have four boys, yeah. Um honestly, I feel like oftentimes people who stay that connected are actually living in loss and pain and and trying to hang on to what they lost because they wish they still had it. Yeah. It's not as common to see someone who has processed all the way through the pain and the devastation and then come back to that place of health where you can say, Yes, we we have four sons. Yeah. And our our theme song was the goodness of God. Yeah. Like that, yeah. That's that's you know, the reason I wanted you to share your story is that for people to see processing all the way through and background, it's where Elise ended too. Yes when she walked away from the Lord and then went, I can't I don't want to do this alone. Right. I don't understand. All my questions aren't still answered, but I don't want to do this alone, so I gotta come back to you, God. And then for her, it was saying, I could have had him the whole time. I know. And another reason I wanted you on the podcast was what you're gonna share next. Because yeah, you you'd you'd had hard enough time. You'd paid your hard dues. Yeah, and then what happened?
SPEAKER_03:So I thought, yeah. Um, so okay, let's see. So Abel was born in 2021, so we got pregnant again right after Well was born, and the Lord blessed us with another baby boy almost exactly a year later. Wow. Um, so our three boys that are on Earth have all their birthdays in the same week in February. So wow, big old part. Yeah, you do. Um, and so then Warren was born two years later, so that would be 2023. It's terrible. I have to do that math every time. We say Walker's birthday all the time, and then I just have to go from there. I know Abel was after 2020, and then Warren's two years younger than him. Wow. So in January of 2023, we found out that Walker has genetic epilepsy, which means he will never grow out of it. You know, there's lots of adults and kids who have epilepsy phases through. It can be, you know, dormant or no symptoms, all the things. He will have it forever unless the Lord chooses to miraculously heal him, which he definitely has capability to do. So, and this is the total raw honest truth. I told the Lord, I'm done with this. I suffered enough. I mean, truly, that was my heart's cry, my thought, my mental energy, like I got nothing left. So, whatever example the Eford family needs to be, we already did it. So move on. Which, you know, now I've obviously come out, and the Lord did not, you know, shun me away. You didn't get struck by lightning for being angry. And say, like, for being angry. Yeah, Hannah, how dare you? I'm not talking to you anymore. You know, there's not middle school drama. The Lord was not shocked, yeah, nor afraid of my big emotions. Yeah. Because it's hard and the world is broken, and I love my sons. Yeah. Um, also a thing I was thinking about on the way here. I think another thing that really clicked with me of that I can trust the Lord is He sacrificed his son for me. I can tell you after burying a son, I wouldn't do that for anyone.
unknown:Wow.
SPEAKER_03:So his love for me and for everyone listening, and everyone that they know, and everyone on this world is great, more than you could ever imagine.
unknown:Wow.
SPEAKER_03:Because again, having buried a child, I would not willingly, after they already messed it up, let's add that in there. Right. Right. Wasn't broken until we broke it. Right. And then he still made a way to spend forever with us. If we would just believe and acknowledge that we need him. Yeah. So I am back there at that place. I'm still good with the goodness of God and walking with the Lord. But again, just to reassure people, it's not that I didn't have those thoughts of wow and why.
SPEAKER_00:And how long did how long did you spend there with this newest diagnosis? Okay.
SPEAKER_03:So honestly, probably a year of processing it because then a month later we had a baby, a newborn. So I think it just put pause, right? So maybe not a year of wrestling of Lord, I can't believe this is happening again. Um, but more so, okay, well, now we've got a newborn and mom's not sleeping, you know, and you're finding a new rhythm as a family. We're trying to figure out things with Walker and what that means. And so I I definitely was always a conversation with me and the Lord, but it wasn't me turning or frustrated. It just was a thread of like, you know how I'm feeling. I'm postpartum one and exhausted and and wondering why. And again, the line was like the same from the doctors of this is an incredibly rare genetic mutation. Hmm. Well, we've heard that one before. Wow. Um, but he's doing well and our families adjusted, and the Lord has been faithful and good. I just feel like the current for our family is complete honesty with the Lord and also recognizing that he is the creator and we're the created, and I don't know better. So if I think I've already put in my dues, which you know, Job at some point was like, hey, think I've had enough. Yeah. And God said, Where were you?
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And where was I? I wasn't there when he was making the stars and the sun and the moon and the air that I breathe. So, yes, I can come to him with all the emotions, and I have, and I do, and I will, of I don't understand why I have another sick kid. I just want them to be safe. Of course I do. And he understands that. And the same thing in the people in the world of who doesn't want a soft, cushy life with no suffering? Who's gonna put their hand up and say, like, okay, yeah, I'm gonna sign up and I'm gonna be the first one in line for persecution? And no, right, because we're human, yeah, but also recognizing in the trust components. I trust you, and even though I will follow you, yeah. No matter what comes, right, no matter the pruning, no matter the pressing. I was giving you the analogy, any kind of craftsmanship. So Matthew's also a jack of all trades and an ace of pretty much all of them, too. Um, he loves to do woodworking. One year for our anniversary, we did a pottery class. He's phenomenal at all of it. But any of those things, sculpting, pottery, masonry, woodworking, all of it takes a raw material. And how do you get something beautiful out of it? You scrape it, you sand it, you heat it, heat it, press it, burn it, crush it. Yeah. These are not like great terms that I would be like, yeah, sign that up for my Saturday. Right. But it creates beauty and creates a masterpiece, which is what's on Noah's tombstone, is Ephesians 2.10. For we are his masterpiece created in Christ Jesus for good works.
SPEAKER_01:Wow.
SPEAKER_03:And that that is the Hannah modified version. But if you want to look up the actual version, it's Ephesians 2.10, and I did not say it perfectly. Um, but I know in my heart what that means, and the Lord knows. But that's the point is in all the pressing, in all the difficult, he's creating his masterpiece because he's the creator. And I'm just gonna choose to trust him. Yeah, I have, I will, and he hasn't left me in my questions.
SPEAKER_00:So isn't it funny? We were talking about this too. Like, wait, wait, a masterpiece isn't formed by success, right, fame, being able to have everything you want at any moment. Like our society tells us that absolutely again, our happiness and having, you know, the it's so interesting, you know, how the reference helicopter parents now with Gen Z, they actually are referencing lawnmower parents that mow the lawn ahead of their children. Okay. And really you're doing them such an incredible disservice because if you look at people in the world that have never had any challenges or obstacles, they get whatever they want.
SPEAKER_03:And you are masterpieces, beauty. Like I'm thinking about having the boys. If I lawn mower ahead, they're never gonna find a snail or a worm. Yeah, or like there's no discovering the beauty that's in the weeds.
SPEAKER_00:Well, then when they get out in the world and it's not mowed ahead of them, they're they're literally incapable of coping. And that's some of the things that we're we're seeing. It's they've um it's it's created a fragility. There's a fragility in this generation that's been created, and we're helping them now, anti-fragile. Like literally, it's a thing to help anti-fragility, yeah, or to make anti-fragile.
SPEAKER_03:So I think that's the thing too, is there's nothing wrong with, like I said, not wanting the pain.
SPEAKER_00:Sure.
SPEAKER_03:People don't sign, they don't want to get shots, but you also know, right? Okay, well, I'm really sick and I need this. And we have someone we can trust. So more than doctors, more than parents who lawn mower ahead of us, we have a God that we serve that loves us and has the best interest for us, and we can trust him in all of those things, knowing that he's making his masterpiece and that it's beautiful, and that there's beauty in it.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you for sharing your story and for being transferred. Thank you for having me. It's been a little bit like you know, slicing your heart and opening it and letting us look inside it a little bit. And so thank you for being willing. And we just pray, even right now, God, that um you'll continue to heal the Eford family and to strengthen them, Lord. That um wait, even though what? Even though we will, even though we will, Lord, you've you're forming a family that um understands though you slay me, yet I trust you.
SPEAKER_02:Yes.
SPEAKER_00:Though you slay me, yet I trust you. Because we can trust you. And thank you, Hannah, for that message today. And we just pray that anyone that's listening, that um if there's any need in your heart that any of this testimony can reach into, that it will just um reach in, even the word of God that Hannah's shared, even the Hannah version, that the word of God will go deep in that soothing balm of Gilead and heal the wounded places in your own heart and draw you closer to the one that loves you so much, too. So thank you, Hannah. Thank you, Martha. This is wonderful. And you guys are about to embark on a how how long are you gonna be traveling across the American West in an RV?
SPEAKER_03:A month. Let's go.
SPEAKER_00:Yes.
SPEAKER_03:We may have to come back on and just share that experience.
SPEAKER_00:Hannah made sure to squeeze this in before they took off for the month. How did you do it? We just so appreciate it. Thank you again for coming. Thank you for the time. Okay. All right, you guys. Thanks again so much for joining us. And we'll see you next time. Hey, you guys, thanks for hanging out with us today. I hope you've got some refreshment from this Sip from the Fountain. If you're curious to hear more, or if you like what you've heard, you can go ahead and subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen to yours, or follow our Instagram account, Sips from the Fountain, or our Facebook page by the same name. Special thanks for covering our photography to the Sarah D. Harper, and I can't wait to hang out with you guys next time. Thanks so much. Love y'all.